The Luke and Pete Show - How to Behave in a Toilet Rave

Episode Date: December 31, 2020

Welcome back and a Happy New Year's Eve! On today's show, the boys review 2020 before Pete tells us all about his new year's Samurai Sword ambitions. Elsewhere, Luke rants about bathroom hand lotions before we discover the fate of a 12 year old's unlicensed school toilet rave.Also on today's episode, some new players have entered the game! We review these, explore the concept of a new KFC gaming device, and finally settle on some big (ish) resolutions for 2021. Don't miss out!Get in touch at [e-mail] and tell us all about your entrepreneurial ventures in school! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And we're back with the Luke and Pete show. It is a Thursday, but not only is it a Thursday, it's also New Year's Eve. Luke, have you had a great 2020, mate? No, it's been fucking shit. I've had a good one. I've got some of my ducks in order. Other ducks have

managed to break into the adjoining farmer's field and I'll never reclaim them, to be quite frank. That's a little bit upsetting, but I'm relatively happy with how it's gone. In all seriousness, clearly lots of people have had it much worse than me,

so I'm not complaining. We've done some great stuff. We've had some great achievements this year. We've actually got, I think, a few things going out on the Stakhanov social media channels, which is at Stakhanov, S-T-A-K-H-A-N-O-V, of all the stuff that we've done this year to give people a little reminder and to have a little look back and have a bit of fun so check that out so we have been able to do

some great stuff um like for example peter um hire and give a job to the tremendously talented young natalie who's on the call with us at the moment producing this show so we've done some good stuff we've surrounded ourselves with some more talented energetic people which i think is absolutely key when you get to our age um but generally speaking it's been a year to forget but we won't be able to forget it will we because um it's going to live long in the memory for the wrong reasons yeah i i mean my sort of big plan for this year has to be lose a bit of weight, work on things I can achieve, just be better in general. Because I think this year was a bit of a free hit for a lot of people. I don't think anybody achieved everything that they were going to do.

Luke, what I didn't tell you on Monday is my Christmas present from my significant other. Go on. So about a week ago we were seeing friends and I exclaimed as a Nihonophile, as a person who loves a bit of Japan, I've got several

odds and sods, Japanese stuff. A couple of things I've inherited from my Auntie Joan, weirdly, who used to clean for a woman who was married to an Admiral who went to the Far East quite a lot. So I've got a few things in my house that are like japanesey right yeah and i said pretty jokingly i said i'd hate to be one of those people who love japan and who own a sword now she'd obviously bought me a sod for christmas so uh it's not to be fair it's not turned up bless her so she was a bit

upset about that and uh yeah so um so i am going to be a man who owns a sod soon so i am having to roar back um from from me not wanting to own a sod i'll happily own a sod i just don't want to buy one myself i don't want loads of them are you gonna be like the guy yeah well dads with swords and also the guy in that famous scene in um is it temple of doom right okay and he gets shot yeah yeah not the middle east not japan but anyway i'll probably like get um some bamboo canes and just like slice them up in the garden sort of thing, dressed in, like, completely topless in my pyjama bottoms. Are you going to do what you used to do with the violin, just pretend to use it? Pretend to use it, yeah.

I'm going to walk down the high street looking for lads getting sexy on the bridge. A little dicky bird tells me, one of my little birds tells me that you bought your significant other quite the present as well, and I've seen a picture of it. Why don't you tell the listeners what it was? Oh, yeah, a big ceramic ear. I like it.

I like it, though. She's a normal family at Christmas, isn't it? Well, before we were significant others i bought her a nose a big ceramic nose um which um she's made it very clear it should not be on the wall i've put it on the wall um and uh it was a big ceramic nose that i was in um god what's that and why do i have a i have a real mental block with the word selfridges i've no idea why i can see the yellow carrier bag in my mind and i've got to kind of work backwards from that and and say selfridges i was in the basement of selfridges where all tat is the um electronics and toys and games and nonsense and i saw helena bonham carter

um pick up this ceramic nose and she looked at it sort of like you know uh think my nose a little bit so scrunched up my nose a bit a bit bit, and then put it back. And I thought, look, if it's too weird for a professional spooky person, who basically her whole brand is being a bit kooky and spooky. Um, I thought I've got to pick that up. So,

um, yeah, a nose was bought. Uh, and, and this year, um, she's,

she's received a beautiful ceramic, nicely done, nicely put together ceramic ear. That about the size of an egg. I've seen it. It's not that nice. It looks like it was made of plaster of Paris. It's made of ceramics, thank you very much. And where are you going to put that? On the wall as well? Near the nose.

I think that would be a nice little motif for the bathroom. So I can see why, for example, if you've got a little studio at your house, you work in audio, so you could put a mouth there, you could put an ear there, and quite a cool little bit of symbolism for your studio. I don't know what the relevance is. I know that your significant other is a broadcaster as well,

so maybe it's relevant for that reason, but I don't know where the nose has come from. Well, you put it in the bathroom and it looks like, oh, it reminds people to spray a bit of air freshener. Oh, yeah, good idea. Or you could push it and maybe some snot could come out, but really it's hand gel. Yes, lovely. Install a little kind of alcohol gel dispenser inside one of the nostrils.

One for soap, the other one for skin lotion. Yeah. I don't understand the skin lotion thing. Listen, you've hit on something here. And again, I don't want to get all Larry David about it, but there's a bit of Larry David in all of us. I've got a real problem with the hand lotion in posh bathrooms. Yeah, I've got no use for it, really.

No. I'm washing my hands with hand lotion. It's a nightmare. I was doing a COVID test in Watford a couple of weeks ago. And it's the first time i'd um had one of those covid tests bloody hell it tickles tickles didn't it i nearly vombed this woman's face she was jamming it down my neck um and uh and um you should be jamming it down your neck by the way well she was she i'm sure one in the mouth one one in the nose, and no harm done.

But it was just really kind of like, and then I went, and nearly snotted. But as you were walking in, there was a hand gel dispenser at the front door. And it wasn't even a hand gel dispenser. They filled it with soap. So you pump a lot of soap. And so for the rest of the thing, my hands were covered in bloody soap. Awful. Yeah.

And I think with the hand cream thing thing so the only purpose it serves is to get you confused between hand gel for cleaning and hand lotion for moisturizing right because the very idea now i know it takes all sorts and everyone's different and i don't want to be stereotypical of male behavior and all that kind of stuff because it can be very destructive. I totally get that. Right. And if you want to talk about the patriarchy, let's talk about it. met a man who spends so long in the male bathroom of a posh hotel or restaurant that he washes his hands thoroughly, dries them completely, and then goes back and puts the hand lotion on. It just

doesn't happen. You have to go hand soap, walk to the end of the bathroom, dry your hands, then walk back again to get some more lotion, which is situated next to where the fucking soap was. It doesn't make any sense. No one's ever used it. The only thing it does is it confuses you when you've had a few beers, and one in every ten times you'll use the hand lotion to try and wash your hands and have to do it again. It's mad. Black guys use, like, cocoa butter on their hands, don't they?

So, like, so maybe it's that. No, but I use moisturizer on my hands. That's not the point. I'm talking about the circumstances. Right. I'm not talking about the actual – I'm not talking about the actual i'm not saying oh bloody hell men shouldn't use hand lotion i use hand lotion particularly winter because i'll get like extra on the side of my hands i'm not using it in a male bathroom because one you can't get your hands dry anyway because you either have to use the hand dryer which takes fucking ages you end up wiping your hands in your

trousers two um you've got to make a journey back to get the hand lotion and three it might smell completely differently to how you want to smell i just think what they've done is they've said female bathrooms as far as i'm aware are notoriously amazing aren't they so when when a man suddenly for whatever reason and he shouldn't be doing it anyway of course but if a man goes into a female bathroom say he's a plumber and he's got to fix the toilet or something, it'll be fucking hell. Women's bathrooms are amazing, right? Men's bathrooms are not amazing. It's not news, right?

So men are conditioned to spend as little time in there as possible. So when you go to a posh bathroom, you're not going to be doing all that other stuff. You might as well have a fucking barber in there. You're not going to go in there for a shave because you're not going to spend any time in there it doesn't make any sense would it be fair to say the middle bathroom should just be um like a fire pit yeah it should be functional just a big hall where we all sit around shitting into pissing into and it's just on fire

it's like that it's in kazakhstan that big ring of fire thing. Just one of those small in the middle of a room. The rooms could be so much smaller, and people could just shit, piss, do whatever into this burning hole and just be done with it, really. All I'm saying is if you care that much about what men do in a bathroom, a public bathroom, whatever it is, a hotel bathroom, do some research. Ask how many men, when they're out and about, moisturize their hands. It's not many of them.

Then ask them how many of them, for example, read the newspaper when they're taking a shit. Probably 80% of them put a newspaper in there. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to be stereotypical, but I'm just saying that there is a time to hand to use hand lotion i use it that is not the time i don't know i don't even know how we got onto this by the way i want to change subjects completely peter because i want

to talk about um have you heard of a um of a of a guy and this is going to be mental to some of our american listeners um have you heard of a guy called alan iverson um no i have not so he is uh a legendary basketball player in the nba right or he was he's not now uh he's retired his nickname was the answer which is for my for my money yeah one of the best one of the best nicknames in sport right up there with the tennis player Vince ain't afraid of your spadia anyway Alan Iverson this is an amazing paragraph of a news story with a quote from Alan

which I want to read to you now because I think you'll like it it goes as follows Alan Iverson denies a claim made by a former teammate that he occasionally spent $40,000 at a strip club when he was playing for the Philadelphia 76ers. And this is the Allen Iverson quote.

First of all, it was like $9,000 at most, and there were never any strippers at TGI Fridays on City Line unless I brought them along. And sometimes I brought a bunch along, yeah. And I suppose in those cases, the bill could have got up to 40,000 because I didn't have the endless appetizers offer back then. I just like the fact that the answer is kind of like he's very much looking after the pennies there post-retirement.

He sort of obviously goes, well, look, back then you didn't have the endless appetizers. It's an answer from the answer, isn't it? Yeah, exactly, yeah yeah i think he just wanted to have a say he's not even explained it he just wanted to have a say oh just just weird and can i also bring something else to the table um about as it references to um public bathrooms well kind of public bathrooms generally um this is probably and i hate this phrase but i'm going to use it under advice here um that um this is one of the best story 2020

stories doesn't quite sum up 2020 because it's slightly different but it's a good story from 2020 i think it's a nice way to end the year um a crowdfer has been set up for a 12 year old boy who had his dj equipment confiscated after he organized a rave in the school toilets fantastic what do you think that kid looks like um you know that little kid who uh is that meme he's in a green top and he's making a fist and he's gone yeah he looks like that he looks like that yeah yeah um and um yeah apparently he was on the deck during lunchtime at his school in manchester um and teachers uh stepped in and he's only a year right i mean you know when um you know when you hear you hear a lot about this you know you get like professional celebrity entrepreneurs, right?

Often, what's the story they'll always tell as a kid? What, how they're selling sweets in the school playground? They always say that, right? That's the go-to story, isn't it? I think this is like that, but it's just even better. Yeah, that's how, you better yeah that's how you know that's how tiesto got started doing a rave in the in the toilets yeah absolutely and and and the the best thing about this story about this kid who's got he's got one of the old one of the older

haircuts as well good on him um the the best quote is from the gofundme page itself which just says this the aim is to get a more professional controller, a laptop, and some powered speakers. Party goers and DJs unite to support the next generation. I've been in touch with his mum, and she's happy about the fundraiser and very supportive. Amazing.

That'll raise 370 quid, mate. What, for his imprisonment? I don't know. I don't think he's in jail. Anyway, let's have a quick break, Peter. People can ruminate on that. Tell us what they

did, maybe, in an entrepreneurial way at school. And after the break, we'll read some emails. This week on Stakhanov. Over on the Luke and Pete show we've been discussing our usual nonsense from Disney princesses to fizzy lagers and a whole load more

Here's a taster of what's been on the show For some reason our little recording system has got this piece of music installed I think it's incidental music in a sex ed BBC 2 10am kind of job. No way!

It is. It's too groovy. It's too groovy. Yeah, it's like, now on BBC Two, sex and your child. Meanwhile, over on Wrestle Me, we've been doing the 12 Days of Wrestlememus, which you can find on our Patreon or your favourite podcast player. That's why also America is leading the world in serial killers, because they have room.

They have room to dismantle, to dismember, to start to make marionettes. Over here, very difficult to be a serial killer. I would knock into things. I'd get blood everywhere. But there's always some nosy beak, isn't there? Someone sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong. All that and more at Stakhanov.

And we're back. It's the Luke and Pete Short Part 2. Ravers. Whether in school or out of school. What I like about it, I'm just checking out the picture of the little boy who was in the first half who organised a little legal rave. He's got a little microphone in there. So he's clearly sort of doing a little bit of MCing in the middle. Fantastic stuff. Listen, guys.

Listen, guys. This is an unlicensed rave. Please do not touch the hand lotion. it's full of battery acid you idiot um i completely forgot to say peter um that i rode a bike around central london at christmas oh yeah okay quiet busy mate it was unreal it's like 28 days later people should check out my social media if they want to see some pictures some videos of it mimi and i went around on boxing day as you mentioned i completely forgot to pick up and i think you might have mentioned it um on monday when you said i was outside your old house we we must have ridden around um central london

for two hours and seen a handful of people in total it was mad at one point so this is a little bit of a reference point that people who aren't that familiar with london will get to put it in perspective at one point mimi and i were the only people outside buckingham palace how mad is that well it's it's not as mad as it has been this year, because obviously I was living in Soho, and under lockdown, that was insane. All the shops were boarded up. The only shops that were open was the Tesco on Piccadilly.

Everything else was completely empty. So I do kind of get where you're coming from, because it was absolutely bizarre how quiet it was at times. And going for a stroll around kind of Piccadilly, heading towards Buckingham Palace was just mad. I hope you had a good time because it's rare that it's like that. It's rare that you get to experience that. And it really was. Yeah.

It really was. I'll sort of look back kind of almost fondly at the first lockdown because it was a little bit strange that we just sort of rolled around town just doing, you know, just not seeing another person. Very weird. It's really strange. And the internet, social media delivered again as well because when I posted it up and said, look, isn't this mental? Which it is.

Someone commented accusing me of glorifying in the closing of local businesses that will probably never survive. It's like, I'm not doing that, am I so i'm not doing that am i i'm not doing that i'm not riding around it wouldn't be open anyway so i'm not riding around going ha ha ha look at the state of your businesses i understand that that is a terrible thing i think as a fellow adult human being i understand that all i'm saying is this is just a bit weird isn't it i was I was able to drive into London and park in a side street off Trafalgar Square. It's mad. It's mad. Anyway, emails.

Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Before I hand over to you, Pete, for an email, I want to round up some battery brands. Some people got in touch asking if any of the following brands were new players to enter the game. As ever on this show, we do ask for people to look for bizarre battery brands because you always get them with a purchase of new electronics. And sometimes you get them in the shops generally, I guess.

But anyway, Merry Christmas to Maja Sundin. Listen, Maja, I'm sorry if I've pronounced that wrong. I know you're a big supporter of our shows, but I've never heard your name said out loud before, so I hope I've got that right. She's said that she was able to find some battery daddies. Battery daddies.

What do you reckon to that? Oh, yeah, such a big battery daddy, honestly. Amazing. So that's definitely a new player. Joseph Eddington introduced Golden Power. Sorry, Joseph, that is not a new player. We've had those before. Mr. Meeps tweeted us with some Tiang Ju Super Lord Devourers, which is definitely a new player.

Nice. Look, if you are going to use a marital aid or a pair of walkie-talkies, you want a Devourer. Definitely. A Lord devourer. Definitely. A large devourer. And finally for now, Connor Randall with Ruido. That's not a new player. And Neil Richards has some Nye Lee Wang,

which I think is a new player. So a mixed bag there. Three new players out of five. Very, very good. The endless quest for new off-brand batteries will never end this it is genuinely endless we were always going to get with three years in or sorry now three and a half maybe and we're still getting new battery brands that have never been seen before so keep them coming in on twitter sorry peter sorry yeah new ones arriving every single day but do get involved at

dot com not look at peter on twitter hello it's basically peter come on we've been doing this for I think every single day we do get involved at LukeandPeteShow.com. No, LukeandPeteShow on Twitter. Hello. Basically, Peter, come on. We've been doing this for a while now. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com or at LukeandPeteShow. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, but you didn't say Twitter. So I'm saying Twitter on Twitter, at LukeandPeteShow.

There you go. Go fuck yourself. What's next? Go fuck yourself. Luke's favorite batteries are Duracells that he buys from Tesco because he hates independent businesses. True. I he buys from Tesco's because he hates independent businesses. True, but I don't like Tesco, by the way.

If you said Sainsbury's or Waitrose, you'd be spot on there. I don't rate Tesco. You've got a problem with Tesco's, but you've got to run two down a heel. No, I just don't think the quality of the produce is very good. Oh, okay.

Fair dues. Kevin has got in touch. Hello, Kevin from New York, stay hungry he ends the email with, but this is why he said it, KFC gaming console that keeps your chicken warm hey gamers, Luke and Pete I know you don't use the video game related stuff too much

but may I present to you the next step in the evolution of gaming, the Kentucky Fried Chicken KFC console KFC console how's that supposed to be pronounced yeah i don't really give it yeah yeah it's um gaming see i don't know whether this is a pr person writing in to talk about cooler master or kfc but built by gaming hardware industry stable cooler master the bargain bucket ship kfc console will reportedly be able to run games at 240 frames per second on a 4k

resolution that is a powerful PC. Furthermore, it boasts impressive ray tracing technology, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But the KFC console plays games, and also it recycles heat produced from its internal components to keep your chicken warm. You can put in the belly of the beast, you can slide the little drawer out, put your KFC in there, keep it nice and warm until you're ready to eat it and get grease all over your controller. Yeah, I mean, oh, that's really nice.

What's the glaze on that chicken? Oh, that's thermal paste. Thermal paste. But Pete, you know I talked on Monday about how at some point technology just overtakes you. I'm sorry to say, I mean, am I missing something here or is this exactly as it's been described i don't actually understand this it's just a pc fashioned into a console style

case with a membrane slash cavity inside it that uses the heat drawn through the thermal paste through the cooling system from the processor, and circulates that heat instead of across fans or instead of across into a circulatory pump. It moves that warm air or that warm kind of temperature across into the chamber that helps make your food hot.

Do you think people will buy it? I think it's one of those concept things it's like a concept car yeah it's it's just to advertise the brand so to speak but it's a nice idea i'm not against it it's it seems like pretty interesting but i don't really see why you would i mean is it is it not just solving a problem that doesn't need to be solved well look i mean your processor is cracking on for like 80 90 degrees uh in the middle of heavy gaming sessions you could just toss that temperature into the air and make your room warm or you could divert it into a little chamber that's going to keep your your popcorn chicken glistening can i just ask you as a serious gamer what what's the what constitutes in quotes a heavy gaming session for you what's the threshold when my um i've got a bit of a problem with my my graphics card gets really hot for some reason

which is very upsetting um so yeah once that starts to be uh incredibly hot i know i've gone too far i've been playing a game called um teardown very very recommended if you've got a couple of days uh between uh now and when you start work download teardown have a, very recommended. If you've got a couple of days between now and when you start work, download Teardown. Have a lovely time. It's a bit like Minecraft. It's a bit like Minecraft, but you're tearing down houses. It's beautiful.

I've been playing Civilization VI. Oh, did you manage to install it in the end? Yeah. I'm really enjoying it, although it runs my MacBook Air pretty fierce. Right. But it's fucking good. I remember playing Civilization 2 I think back in the day and

it's pretty decent I don't really want to what I want to play is a strategy game that doesn't actually have an end if you know what I mean and this is a turn based game which only lasts 500 turns now the game is pretty long each the game is pretty

long each gaming session is pretty long but to me is the criticism i would make of it is that it's quite formulaic and so what i'd like to play ideally is a classic age of empires type game which doesn't have an end where you can kind of ebb and flow of of like battles and conquests and stuff like that but i mean for now for now, this is pretty good. If anyone's got any recommendations out there for a proper endless strategy game which involves war and domination, I know I sound like a horrendous human being saying this,

then let me know. But it's got to be working on the Mac. I haven't got a PC. But I think Civilization, you can have different kind of game modes that can be endless. It doesn't have to end because you've failed to uh enter the space race before the russians or whatever well maybe i need to maybe just need to investigate further then just need

me better yeah i like being um i like believe it being um england because you get the best um navy okay yeah cool i can't remember what i what i was probably japan wasn't i knowing me little if you're if you're if you're greek you get all the you do you get all the cultural stuff if you're um i think if you're um one of them you get really good land armies and battles possibly russia uh and if you're england you get a good navy that's just more fun yeah i'm fairly certain on on the last civilization there was a bug that um turned gandhi into a right rotter it's in this game gandhi's an absolute warmonger yeah yeah he's always really really um violent in all the civilization games weirdly enough i remember mate when i first played it a week ago or something my first contact with gandhi

was like one way or another you will meet my demands so that doesn't sound like gandhi he's been kidnapped yeah i think he i think uh he would i think in civilization there's a thing where you he would always be like one out of ten in the aggression scale but then something sort of goes wrong like some sort so i think um when his when his country adopts democracy as a form of government it makes leaders technically less peace sorry more peaceful so the aggression rating was lowered by um two so obviously he went to minus one um which created all kinds of like program error uh situations so it meant that Gandhi became this nuclear menace constantly through the game.

Interestingly enough, changing the subject slightly, and obviously we need to get out of here in a minute, so this is probably not a conversation for now, but there was talk when I was last on my university campus of Gandhi perhaps having a statue removed right okay yeah yeah problematic behaviors so you know when everyone was going through that mode of i mean it's still kind of happening really i see this statue of robert e lee was moved into a museum which is absolutely right and proper in my opinion um uh but when that was all bubbling under um well i didn't

really bubble under it fucking bubbled over um there was talk of it happening to gandhi as well because there's been some some serious allegations made shall we say so it could be the least of his wife he hasn't got any problems he's dead but it could be should be the least of his problems um the civilization thing if that's to be anything to go by yeah they're written in right across africa i think they've removed um statues of gandhi because he he was quite problematic at times. And even for the times, quite regressive. Pete, which of us, though, isn't problematic, particularly at Christmas?

Mate, I am just constantly off my head on Baileys, being a problem person, and I'm blaming the Baileys. I'm blaming the... Who makes Baileys? Is it... Who would make such a thing as Baileys? Probably Diageo by now, isn't it? Probably Diageo, isn't it? Yeah, probably Diageo.

Pizza, before we go, because I can hear your dogs barking in the background, before we go... They need their Baileys. They want their afternoon Baileys. Before we go, any big ambitions or plans for you

for 2021? A big message for the listeners out there? I'm going to learn how to sharpen my samurai sword and go on a hartfordshire based um riot samurai riot chilling look out for that in 2021 thank you for all your support throughout 2020 we know it's been a difficult year for everyone we do really appreciate you listening keep it luke and pete show leave us a review if you don't mind as well tell your friends if you like the show if not to do it for us peter but to do it for producer natalie who is

a really exceptional human being so if you don't like us do it for her and we'll see you again next year ta-ta don't do anything naughty at new year's i'll go to an illegal rave in a school toilet if you do don't touch the fucking hand lotion. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.