The Luke and Pete Show - I’m here to pick up a wand

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Pete is still spending most of his spare time on Facebook Marketplace - but he isn't selling a magic wand, much to the disappointment of a five-year-old child. We recover from that crushing setback by celebrating the wonderful Takeshi’s Castle. We then finish off the show by trying to answer the big question: what wouldn’t be improved by the addition of Snoop Dogg? We couldn’t think of anything, can you? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Feel free to give us a follow while you're there! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

back once again how you doing it's the look of beach it's a thursday which means batteries boys one direction and bum cuck to be quite frank uh luke moore is joining me once again it's a little picture i mean this is the bare minimum we can bring you, to be quite frank. Me and you talking about nonsense. It's a stripped back version of podcasting that every other broadcaster is too

cowardly to do. I think they need to build up. They need to build things around them to lean on. What's happening here?

What's happening there? What subjects are we going to talk about? Where's the running order? Have we got a sponsor?

You know, all that kind of stuff. Me and Pete, we just freestyle it, baby. Just freestyle it. I mean, we do have a running order, but it's mainly just me dropping in dirty YouTubes. And links that I don't understand. Like, you've basically put something in our shared document today, which I think is as good a time as any now to talk about.

New Rowhammer technique bypasses existing DDR4 memory defences. Well, yeah, I mean... That doesn't make any sense to anyone. I put that in the WhatsApp group because I thought it was interesting, but it ended up in the running. But it's not interesting because no one understands it.

Is it interesting? No. Well, why don't you try and explain it to a lay audience? I'm not sure I can. DDR memory is in everything. It came in probably 15 years ago, 20 years ago, and it is incredibly popular in everything we use. Every computer you've got, every computer I've got,

every server that underpins our very existence, etc. The Rohammer effect is a security exploit that some hackers, some incredible fucking geniuses, have figured out that relies on the leaking of electrical charges between adjacent memory cells inside the microchips, inside the DIMMs, inside the DDR4 memory. It's incredible, Luke. And so it nails some naughty person to flip ones and zeros

and change the content in the memory by changing the electrical impulses in surrounding memory cells effectively. And we are talking atom-sized fucking things. That's amazing, isn't it? It is amazing. I don't know how... I don't know how... It's almost too complex for any actual hacker to get hold of.

You know what I mean? It's a proof of concept uh that no hacker no general kind of hacker could really uh take advantage of very quickly it's going to take some years for them to even catch up which i think is amazing and people need to accept that today that um actually you can get bloody annoyed with hackers but they are really good yeah yeah yeah i mean i mean some of them are but i mean but they're the ones that just create naughty exploits that hack your PlayStation 5 so you can play video games, free video games, or stuff like that.

They're the fun ones, but they're always the most intelligent ones. The thick ones are the ones they were just using off the shelf. You know, Chinese, you pay 100 quid and they give you this kind of cheat effectively, this hacking thing, and you just point at it. It's a bit like buying a gun, I suppose. These Chinese hacking firms,

they make these quite complex batch files or macros that you buy for a certain amount of money and then you just, it's basically just like buying a gun. If I want to hack you, I'll fire it at you effectively and get all your sweet beans. Yeah, that is disappointing, to say the least. But this Roh hammer effect thing, it's been around since 2014.

They're only trying to sort of, and they've finally managed to get some proper exploits kind of up and running and stuff. I just find it amazing that inside the fucking memory modules, by manipulating surrounding memory fucking holes, it can affect the other memory holes in modern devices.

At the core of its very essence, the exchange of information through computers is just binary 1 or 0, 1 or 0, 1 or 0. And the combinations of those things are what generate what we see and what we experience. And they're able to manipulate that at such a low level that they can completely undermine anything that's happening. It's completely kind of system device,

non-specific. It can do anything. Is it a myth to say that when they catch those sweet beans hackers, they give them a job? There's certainly a lot of, a lot of companies do have, if you go to them and go, give me 20 grand and I'll tell you what's wrong with your system.

And then you tell them, and they do pay out. Which crucially, do they pay first? Because I could do that. That sounds really really easy i've heard of the raw hammer effect yeah yeah i think i can tell you what's wrong with your computers i might just set up a business on facebook marketplace and just uh which a lot of people seem to be doing where they'll they'll fix your computer and like because most people's computers are fucked in a very um unfuckable

way oh sorry in a very yeah a very a very um unfuckable way oh sorry in a very yeah a very in a very unfuckable way you can unfuck them quite easily and uh and so um you can really make a lot of money by being absolute charlatan you're still enjoying your time on facebook marketplace you're selling a lot of facebook marketplace links there was a man uh this month no last night um came to the door of the little boy and i was like it seems a bit trick-or-treaty. I thought, what's going on here? There's some kind of hustle happening.

And he said, I made her pick up a wand. I don't know why I didn't put this in the runner. Yeah, he said, I made her pick up a wand. I was like, what? He's making you sound like a paedophile there. Putting some magic wands to kids on the internet. And I said, is this like Facebook? That was my first thought.

I thought it's Facebook Marketplace. He's gone to the wrong house. And I went up to Sarah and went, Sarah, are you selling a Harry Potter wand? You've doubted yourself there, which I like. The only thing is, I'd seen that one on Facebook Marketplace. So at least I knew it was for sales. I knew it was legit.

How old was the kid? How big is that? Five. Five? Five, yeah. So, yeah, he was getting it. Are you excited? I knew it was legit how old was the kid errr how big is that five five five yeah so yeah he was getting excited that would be exciting

you and your dad going out on a little Harry Potter quest to go and grab a wand that's what Facebook that's the magic of marketplace mate I don't want to be

disrespectful but if I turned up to your house and you answered and my dad was buying a wand off you I'd be thinking what's going on here

out on the whole street I would be the most likely to fucking have one I don't even have any kids how do they get resolved I went upstairs and said Sarah

like they said start fashioning one out of twig hundred quid just a big doob how much did you how much did you

get a buyer for sorry mates and so I said good luck with your quest to find the find the Harry Potter wand. But you've made it sound like a challenge there.

Now you're making it sound like you're involved. It's like an escape room. Good luck with the challenge. Well, he's definitely got it then. So Sarah came downstairs and went, I think you knew the answer to that when you asked whether I was selling Harry Potter wands. So do you reckon he got his hands on one?

I don't know. It's hard to say. I hope he did. I hope he did. You know in Harry Potter, the wands are kind of... They can fly, can't they? Can they fly? That's a broomstick.

That's a broomstick. The wands are unique to the wand holder. So you get your wand made based on your personality and how you like to do magic. And some of them have like a unicorn hair through the middle of them or a dragon string or something. Oh, right. What would you have in yours,

do you think? I'd have like a... A noodle, big long Japanese noodle probably. Big long Japanese noodle or it would be LED lights, like a gaming PC.

So I like that. So your Harry Potter one would be one long ramen noodle through the middle of it with some gaming lights at the end. At the end, yeah. That's nice.

That's nice. That'd work well. Kevlar. Covered in Kevlar. Yeah. For no reason. of it with some gaming lights at the end at the end yeah that's nice that's nice that worked well Kevlar covered in Kevlar for no reason very nice there's not been there's not been

any upshot of the car accident that's on my house yet no I've had people well I've had people tap in the whatsapp yeah

going my someone's absolutely has anyone's car been totalled that Derek next door Derek right okay yeah because I think about this because as a new driver if I crash into someone Absolutely. Has anyone's car been totalled that... Derek next door. Derek, right, okay. Yeah.

Because I think about this, because as a new driver, if I crash into someone, do people crash their cars quite often, that if I crashed into them, I would... Because you know I hate any kind of social interaction out on the street. I mean, you're going to have to interact with people if you crash your car, isn't it?

Yeah. Someone say you already have interacted with them. if you crash your car. Yeah. Some would say you already have interacted with them. Have you had an insurance claim on your... Have you had a crashed car before? Never had a crashed car. No.

I'm just thinking that I don't necessarily know what to do. Would they necessarily know what to do? Because they're bigger boys. Yeah, all you do is just exchange information. Right. What's the information?

Yeah, they say that. Let's exchange numbers. And what's that going to do? Because then you've got the car registration number you've got the name of the person you've got the number of the person yeah

so you call your insurance company and you say this is what's happening and it's a fucking pain because if you're not it depends on the type of policy you've got you might lose your no claims so poor old Derek next door

yeah he's very big in the local community yeah he runs the amateur dramatics right he's got a half share in a gallery for amateur artists

nice yeah he's a good lad share in a gallery for amateur artists nice yeah he's a good lad outstanding citizen nice fella he had us all round for cocktails summer before last before Covid

because he does a lot of work over in Brazil and he had all these Brazil themed cocktails and we went over there and it was great cool what reward does he get

for that someone totalling his car did he total it or just kind of written off baby written off and to add insult to injury,

he also had his bike as a keen cyclist. Yeah, this bike parked in a little bike park. That got totaled as well. In there as well. Next door. In there. So I think what he would have to do is call them up and say, someone smashed into my car.

Come and have a look at it. And the insurance company will either say, yeah, we'll fix that. Good luck with your premium next year. Or we can't fix that the mechanics they can't fix it because it's too expensive it's that therefore it's written off right off means that it's more than the car's worth to yes you have to get another car so you know look mate it's heady business it's heady business but anyway modern life is rubbish it is

the only thing people are talking about in the whatsapp group at the moment mate is speed bumps yeah they're still bagging the speed bumps from. And interestingly enough... I think you're right, though. I think more speed bumps just make your car fly. I'll tell you something interesting around this, right? So it happened to a mate of mine's street. He doesn't live in London, but there was people speeding up and down the residential street. And the residents were pissed

off about it, obviously. He lives on the same street as Justin Lee Collins. Okay. That's a side point. Side point. Yeah. Anyway, so there was a car accident because people were driving too fast. No one got hurt. Not a big deal. He didn't drive like this in the 90s. Yeah, that's what he said. So what Justin Lee Collins did...

The A-Team used to drive faster than this. He tried to reunion all the people involved in the car accident. No. So what they did is they said, look, we want to sort out fast people driving people driving too fast down the street. They talked about speed bumps, fucking too expensive. Council won't pay for it. What they did is they saw a study that came from somewhere

like Netherlands or Scandinavia, where they put pot plants, like as in planters, on the pavements. And they painted different coloured shapes on the road itself. Right. And what that did was it gave the drivers something to think about. Oh, God, what's this?

Yes. And it stopped them driving fast. And it actually fucking worked. Right. Just kind of like obfuscation. Kind of like, what? This is a puzzle I've got to figure out. Oh, no, this must be some kind of area for something.

Stumming, yeah. Kids' playground, something like that. So I'm not going to drive too fast. And it actually worked and it cost a lot less than putting the speed bumps in which apparently is very expensive. I would just write the little symbol

some Squid Game on the floor in chalk. Nice. And they'd be like, whoa, don't want to go down this road. Dressing the pink overalls. Dressing the pink overalls.

With the mask. With the mask. Have you seen all Squid Game now? No, not seen a single one. Why not? Because it got too far. It's a detriment of duty that is. You're negligent,

it's negligent. Negligent. It's got too far. You like Eastern culture that is you're negligent it's negligent it's got too far you like eastern culture right and you do podcasts right so I have to watch Squid Game

I know it's set in Korea not in Japan but has Chris Broad seen it yes I think he has seen it I really want you to watch it because I think myself and our listeners

would like to know your take on it I think I've seen everything bloody John Legend and his missus are doing squid game things and the chance

to win a holiday at their house for Halloween why is he involved because everyone hates his wife now it's a supermodel

Chrissy Teigen who was a beloved of the left until a lot of DMs came out of telling her kid to die or something right

she was beloved of the left and now she's been cast adrift because you passed, or we've catched up with you. And, yeah, they did, for Halloween, I believe, did a big Squid Games thing where their friends and family could win prizes

by, you know, taking part in the Squid Games. And it's just very, like, the whole idea, people look at it through the lens of, the whole idea of Squid Games is poor people trying to make money trying to survive and being John Legend

and Chrissy Teigen they're obviously very very rich I mean I'm surprised that they don't see that it's a fairly obvious metaphor that they've been

victim of there by being ignorant isn't it for the record and probably for legal reasons they weren't killing people no it was a light-hearted version.

Maybe the bodies haven't been found yet. How long are you lasting in the Squid Game if you had to do it? We've spoken about... The only one I've seen is What Time's Mr. Wolf, and there's another one, MC Escher kind of thing. What's that? Isn't that kind of like stairs up and down,

and there's blood on the stairs, and it's pink. Everything's pink. No, but that's not a game that's the background that's the background bit okay and the red light green light

which is Mr. Wolf red light but the problem in Squid Game with that is that this isn't the first episode

so you can get fucked if you can complain about spoilers hit fast forward for 30 seconds if you don't want to hear this the problem with that

is it's the first game in Squid Game so no one knows what's happening so a lot of people get fucking nailed because they don't is it's the first game in Squid Game so no one knows what's happening so a lot of people get fucking nailed because they don't know it's happening.

Oh, so Squid Game is they turn up and they don't know they're in the Squid Game? At the start they don't. Right. They don't know they're in the Squid Game.

And that's the first game. No, they know they're in it but I don't know they're going to get killed. Oh, right, okay. They're like, oh, yeah. I think it's Takeshi's Castle.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Which, by the way, ain't great. I mean, that deserves a lot of credit, Takeshi's Castle. Yeah. Brilliant show. Well, I think Takeshi's Castle. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Which, by the way, ain't great. I mean, that deserves a lot of credit, Takeshi's Castle. Yeah. Brilliant show. Well, Pete Takeshi's

a very important stand-up citizen. Is that problematic for a Western audience to be appropriate in that? No, it's a mad fucking, you know, I mean, it perpetrates that kind of

aren't the fucking Japanese wacky, but I mean, they are wacky. And it's them doing it. And it's them doing it. Oh, no, they're just showing it. No one's changing it. Some of the best TV to ever happen,

forget your fucking Sopranos, when the people doing Takeshi's Castle are told that there's three doors to run through. And they've got to run full pelt. And they do it. No one goes up to them and pushes it to see if it's fucking paper. They just run full pelt.

It's not in the spirit of the games, Lou. And the great thing about it is whether it's a solid door or a paper one the results are brilliant because they go so fast through the paper one they hurt themselves

and they go so far into the door they hurt themselves I'm telling you now anything in society you can talk about you kind of look at the way

Stuart Lee develops his stand up comedy it's so clever it's so intricate it's so well rendered he's doing callbacks ten minutes later. It's so clever. It's so intricate. It's so well rendered. He's doing callbacks 10 minutes later and it's funny. Yeah, fine.

It's good. I like Stuart Lee. But really all of society's comedic laughs can be drilled down to something like Takeshi's Castle. Just other people hurting. People hurting. People falling over. So would you like to do Takeshi's Castle? You prefer to do that to Squid Game, obviously. The prizes on offer aren't as large.

But the reward is lower, but so is the risk. Are you surviving? Because you do sometimes see a Western person on Takeshi's Castle, and it's funny. And why are they all dressed as baseball players? Oh, I don't know. Baseball's big in Japan, right? It's just big in Japan.

Do you think you'd do all right in Takeshi's Castle? Yeah, I think so. I think I'd throw... I'd always throw myself around and hurt myself, innit? So if you could do Squid Game, where you could literally win like 100 million if you survive,

the final... I won't say the final game because it's probably a bit fucking rich. Bit of a spoiler. You could do Takeshi's Castle or you could do American Ninja Warrior.

I think you'd be good on American Ninja Warrior because you've got... Ninja Warrior's too upper body strength, innit? You've got a good power to weight ratio, haven't you? Because you're small.

You have. You used to be ripped. Used to be ripped. Giving that to be ripped giving that all up giving that all up for one of Lars Sivertsen's delicious chocolate twists that he got into there did he bring some in

Sivertsen isn't it yeah no one can say his name properly and it upsets me it's weird because he's Irish Pete we should get our listeners to email in

to say what their tactics would be on Squid Game Takeshi's Castle and American Ninja Warrior right I get the impression listen I'll tell you something now we've got quite a lot our listeners to email in to say what their tactics would be on Squid Game Takeshi's Castle and American Ninja Warrior right I get the impression listen I'll tell you something now we've got quite a lot of listeners

to the competition in America if I would be stunned stunned if there's someone listening who hasn't been on American Ninja Warrior because it's on so often that there must be some people on it

that are listening to this show right now so if you are get in touch let's have a break. When we come back, people have got to do some batteries. Let's do them. It's going to be very exciting. So we'll do that.

We'll take a quick break. We'll come back and we'll see if there's any new players entering the game. We're back with the Luke and Pete show. How the devil are you doing? Every single Thursday, we count down our and your favourite battery brands. If you've opened up an old kettle, an old electric

kettle. My battery's the kettle, is it? Well, you might have a clock-assisted kettle. They might have an air in there. Where's this going? What's that your example? I don't know. I'm trying to style out my mistake. Is that an alarm clock? Alarm clock. If you've opened up an alarm clock or a sieve, an electric sieve. Battery- powered sieve or a

battery powered sword or battery powers in the sword so it's coming back and now i'm trying to find things that don't have batteries in them and i'm finding things with batteries in them your harry potter wand my harry potter wand if you open that up uh you might find a battery if you find one that you don't think we've heard on the show before get in touch hello at lukepeachshow.com or you can tweet us at luke and peach show on twitter what we got this week lukey am i doing it and you're searching you're doing it and i'm searching step up richard come on down richard nice to see you he says evening guys day one listener first time emailer was recently clearing out the loft for my dad we came across the remote control for his old sony

stereo system. Lovely. I popped back off to be greeted with a pair of Sony Super Reds. Sony Super Reds. Let's have a look. He says, from a quick Google search, these batteries can be found on eBay

described as rare vintage Sony Super Red batteries with cool graphics and are priced between £4 and £15. What? So people are buying them? What? People buy them?

I think they're a new player. I think they are a new player, and I can confirm. They are a new player. Well done, Richard. Congratulations. Welcome in. Welcome in.

So that's one new player at a one. We're 100% so far. Another rich has been in touch. He says, Forgive me if these are not new players. Inside a musical rattle gifted to my daughter that couldn't be turned off without removing the batteries, I found a pair of South House Supers.

South House Supers. Very enjoyable. Richard, I can exclusively reveal that here you have beautiful long hands. And also, South House Super is very much a new, new battery. Very good. I can't believe we're still unveiling these. After all this time.

Thank you very much for that. Good on you. And then finally for now, Joel Bell. Hello. Second attempt at new battery brands. You don't get any credit for that. They're either in or they're not.

He says, are large batteries, new entries, large? I don't think they are. I'm pretty sure we've seen them quite a few times before. Can you confirm that to me,

Mr. Pete Donaldson, just by typing the word large? Yeah, there is no fucking way I'm going to be able to confirm that they are batteries. We've definitely seen them before. We've definitely seen them before. to me, Mr. Pete Donaldson, just by typing the word large? Yeah, there is no fucking way I'm going to be able to confirm that they are batteries. We've definitely seen it before. Thank you, Joel. Thanks anyway, Joel, but it's not right this time.

Peter, do you want to do an email? We should probably do, do you know what we should do? We should do some more English, full English breakfast fry-up emails. We've had quite a few of those. Right, okay. All right, okay. Well, Snoop Godd, presumably on Twitter,

has had a suggestion regarding full English breakfasts. What about using a Yorkshire pudding as a ramekin for beans? No extra dish to wash up, an excuse to eat Yorkshire puddings outside of a raw situation. Now, where do you stand on that? Because they are delicious. I think beans

would possibly add a sweet piquancy to proceedings when it comes to that because they can be quite heavy and tasteless. I want to dream here. I want to fly as close to the sun as possible. But I've been burnt in the past and I'll tell you why.

When I was a student, I was absolutely convinced that baked beans and pasta would go well. People do though. They presume, they see the tomato sauce and they presume that that could be the same tomato sauce that the Italians use. It doesn't work. It doesn't work.

It tastes terrible. It's the most disappointing. But you've got to add cheese in there as well. If you add cheese to everything, it's delicious, isn't it? Cheese can improve a multitude of sins. It can cover up a lot. I don't know this would work. I think you're also breaking two cardinal rules,

which is you're intimating the idea that you can have baked beans somewhere near a roast, which you shouldn't be doing, and you shouldn't be having a Yorkshire pudding with a full English. I get that it could be a kind of vessel. I totally understand that. In principle, it's a vessel,

but I just don't really think it's going to be something we should be exploring any further however Snoop God if that is your real name why don't you send us in a video of you doing it with a little report and maybe we can be persuaded oh actually speaking of Snoop Doggy Dog

he is on a TV show like a feats of human endurance kind of TV show of course he is like stunt best show with Cordy Rhodes the wrestler show, like a feats of human endurance kind of TV show. Of course he is. Like stunt based show with Cordy Rhodes, the wrestler and inexplicably, oh she was an actor

in the film. Now completely fucking gone. Who was this bloke who directed the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics? Who did the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics? Sunshine. Oh, his name is Danny Boyle. Danny Boyle. Danny Boyle, opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics. Who did the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics? It was Sunshine. Oh, his name is Danny Boyle.

Danny Boyle. Danny Boyle went out with an actor, actress, who he may have directed in one of his bits. Rosario Dawson. Rosario Dawson. There we go. Got it in the end. Thank you very much.

Thank you for playing the Pete's Mystery Actor game and yeah Rosario Dawson and Cody Rhodes the son of the excellent Duthie Rhodes and also Snoop Doggy Dogg

they are all doing like a Takeshi's Castle kind of Britain's Got Talent kind of shows your talent so you've got lads

in like wheelchairs with flames coming out of the backs of their wheelchairs doing flips and stuff you've got lads in wheelchairs with flames coming out the backs of their wheelchairs doing flips and stuff. You've got monster truck stuff. It's just basically whatever you can do that's spectacular and dangerous. Snoop Doggy Dogg

who's, you know... He's just Snoop Dogg now. He's just Snoop Dogg. Sorry. He changed his name in about 1998. Oh, okay. Cool. Alright. He's involved, is he? He's involved. And they're all judging whether who's good and stuff. I think that anything you add Snoop Dogg to improves it. Yeah.

What wouldn't be improved? Tell me one thing that wouldn't be improved with the addition of Snoop Dogg. He's not very good at streaming on Twitch, I've noted. That's a charming thing in itself, though, right? He's in his 50s. Yeah, he's charming because sometimes I just leave it on overnight. That's great.

Come back to it in the morning. You've undermined your own argument. Oh, I forgot to turn it off. That sounds amazing. Just him looking

at his computer going, oh, um, oh. No one can tell me anything that wouldn't be improved

by the addition of Snoop Dogg. Yeah, I've talked myself around that, to be honest. that sounds so good. He's basically,

if you happen to be there when he's come back and seen the thing still turned on, that's amazing. That's brilliant. Well, also on the beans, Gary Ricks has also sent in an email, saying,

Guys, guys, guys! The beans in the ramekin are surely just for them to be placed in the microwave and blitzed, rather than heating up a big saucepan of beans and keeping them warm

for hours during service. Gary Ricks, you're probably fucking right, aren't you? Yeah, but I mean, I don't think that's an excuse. Let's have a little bean microwave to just do tiny bits of beans. First of all, Gary doesn't feel like he's in anything approaching nodding terms with how chefs cook things. Right.

They're going to cook more than a ramekin of beans at once. It's a commercial kitchen. Yeah, but it takes a separate vessel, doesn't it? No, but what I'm saying is... Everything's just on the hob. Everything's just on a big grill, isn't it? Like a big flat grill, so you've got your egg on there.

You don't put your beans on the grill. No, no, I mean, you wouldn't. So how would you cook them? A big saucepan, so you get more than one portion out at once. Yeah, but you don't know if anyone's going to want beans. I mean, there's a good chance that people will,

but they do burn quite easily, don't they? Well, I'm not doing no exchanges in my restaurant. You can't substitute items in my fried breakfast restaurant. I reckon they just sort of, he's probably right, Gary, they probably make about

10 or 12, I don't mind picking that particular dozen, of ramekins and beans and they just pop them in the microwave as and when. I dig it,

but the problem is if you microwave them and some of them explode and it makes them very dry. I just don't think, if you run your own cafe. A convection oven. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe. If you run a cafe though, Pete, would you be accepting customers substituting items in your breakfast? Because some places do, some don't. It's a big fine line between them.

There's one that I used to live next to, a little Italian kind of, just an Italian deli where they just sell like, just escalops and pasta, a bit of bakes and stuff. And then they do loads of different kinds of,

but they do like 12 different fried breakfasts. If you don't, if you can't find something in one of them, none of them vegetarian, if you can't find one of them that doesn't tick all the boxes for you,

then you're a fucking pain in the arse. I kind of understand that you want to be able to please the customer, but I mean, a substitution thing can go silly. If you open... Right. I don't want any bread, any beans.

I want black pudding instead of all of that. Yeah. I just want a big bowl of black pudding. Yeah. Can I substitute the toast for a steak? No, you fucking can't. No, you can't, you maniac. It's roughly the same shape.

I don't care. I would probably go up to and including two substitutions, and the substitutions have to already be in the breakfast universe. I'll have to already be doing them. What, if you're on complex, isn't it? Yeah. You're on complex and you're being... Yeah, I just think that you have to really draw a line somewhere.

It's breakfast somewhere, I'd say. And one thing I don't like about cafes as well is that they don't, a lot of the time, they'll serve up the sauces in those red and brown plastic containers and the sauces will always be really cheap. Always be really cheap. It won't be Heinz ketchup and it'll be really vinegary, off-brand brown sauce.

Yeah, but worse than that is getting your tomato sauce in individual sachets. That can get fucked. No, but at least it's Heinz. Yeah, but there's never enough. There's never fucking enough of it and you don't get any Tabasco. Give me Tabasco.

Give me the, give me the light. Yeah, and I also, I also think that like, with the, with the scrimping on the tomato ketchup thing, how much money

are they actually saving? Because I checked this earlier because I knew we'd be talking about this and you can buy four litres of Heinz tomato ketchup from Amazon for under £20.

Are you paying with it, with Visa credit card, though? Because that's not happening in January, big boy. What do you mean? The Visa, thanks to Brexit, Visa credit cards are, according to Amazon, they are penniless at the moment. They are bereft. They are penniless at the moment. They are bereft.

They can't afford the amount of money it takes to process the Visa credit cards in the UK. We're just in the UK. You're being serious? Because they're no longer part of the EU. So I've got a Mastercard debit, so I'm fine. Yeah. But all those people out there with a Visa debit, but that's not a debit.

That's a credit card. Yeah, but if you've got a Visa debit, that's why we've got... It doesn't go Visa debit. No, it's not Visa debit. It's just Visa credit. Oh, Visa credit. Okay.

I don't have a credit card anyway. Some of the bigger boys can't be responsible enough to have one. And yet they won't give me the stat card. Yeah. Because I'll pay for stuff.

Yeah, but the stat card does a lot of big trips around the office. People take it off me all the time. Oh, shit. Anyway, on that bombshell, we will get out of here for another week.

Thank you for sending in your battery brands. Thank you for listening to us talk about fried breakfast. I understand it's quite an alien concept to people in other parts of the world. Perhaps if you are living in a country that doesn't traditionally do fried breakfast, why don't you treat yourself to one? Why don't you go and make yourself one?

I think that it will be interesting to see what the variations would be like, personally. Hello at LukeandPeach.com for emails. Same place for the battery brands. We'll do some more next Thursday. We are at Luke and Pete Show on the old Twitter and Instagram. Big thank you to our producer Rory for his efforts this week as ever

and we'll see you again on Monday. Have a lovely weekend. See you soon. I'm not going to congratulate Rory until I've heard the edit. Fair enough actually. Easy gig otherwise. He's already assumed he's going to be doing a until I've heard the edit. Fair enough, actually. Easy gig, otherwise. He's already assumed that he's going to be doing a good job. You're absolutely right. A neutral shout-out to Rory.

See you on Monday. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.