The Luke and Pete Show - I’m too fat

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Pete was forced to drive a stranger's car over the weekend. I really don’t think the owner of the car knew what they were getting themselves in for.Speaking of which, a listener gets in touch on today’s show to review Donny’s small talk and we also read an email about a man who faked his own kidnapping. And no, that final story isn't also about Pete, thankfully.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson.

It is Monday the 30th of October. Welcome to the show, Lukey Moa. Thanks very much. Thanks for having me back. Luke, I, over the weekend, went to your friend of mine, Bedford.

No, I don't like it. Bedford. Not that nice like it Bedford not that nice what do you mean it's not nice not a very nice place the river's nice is it I don't remember

the river the Ouse oh yeah the Ouse a lot of people rowing that's all that all happens on that thing

a lot of swans there are a lot of really nice towns and villages around there yeah I just don't remember Bedford as being particularly pleasant it's one of those places

where you get, if you go to the wrong stop, from the Leicester London line. It's basically just where you go. What were you doing up there anyway? I was at a 50th birthday and I met a guy called Aaron in an underground car park next to a

view cinema who was like quite excited about a view cinema who was like quite excited about seeing me. I was like, yes, finally, someone who respects my position in the game.

Why are you meeting strangers in an underground car park? Why am I seeing underground car parks? It's a lot of the X-Files. But I was like, wow, he was like

really excited to see me and I obviously never expect that and it shouldn't be expected because it's completely, you know, it's not expected. But straight after that encounter, a woman came over and went, I'm too fat. I can't do the accent.

I'm too fat. Came up to me, grabbed me by the helmet. I'm too fat. I went, what? Were you on your own? On my own. I'm sorry, dear. I'm in my daughter's car.

She's Irish now. Irish now. I'm in me daughter's car and I'm too fucking fat. I can't get in the car. And so she couldn't get in her own car that she was driving. Right. And she wanted me to reverse her car out. Oh, worst nightmare stuff. Of all the people she could have chosen.

Well, yeah, exactly, because I can't drive a stick. Did you panic? Oh, yeah, massively. You can't drive a stick at all? Can't drive a stick at all. No. I mean, I had a go. I had two goes at it,

but the juddering, every time I stalled it, we got close and close at the barrier. I was like, one more of them, I'm totaling your car. So I'm getting out.

How has this happened to you? I know. Did she not say to you, I'm sorry, I can't drive a stick? She said, you're the skinniest bloke I've seen all afternoon.

So I said, she chose me, she chose me specifically because of my svelte nature, so I could squeeze through next to the other car to get it out. Kid in the back as well. Just a little toddler. Not even strapped into a child seat. She's clambering around.

Why were you not thinking, how's this happened to me? How's this happened to me? Was the previous aforementioned listener slash fan still there on the scene? No, he'd gone there and gone, bless him. Why didn't you say to her, I'm very sorry, I can't drive that car? I'm sorry, I'm too famous to drive this car, I said. No, I just said, well, I said that, but she went,

I just have a go. Wow. What was your process? What did you do? Clutch down firmly on the brake, I disengaged the handbrake, put it in reverse with a clutch, and I sort of thought I'd got there, and then

But you did not find the bite point, though? I knew the bite point had to be involved somewhere, but yeah, I just absolutely, it just went and it was just getting closer and closer to the barrier, so I was like, I can't. And she was just very animated, but we actually found someone who was as skinny as me

who could drive a stick in the end. But it was... That must have been quite emasculating for you. Not really. We all know there's not going to be sticks. You know, it's an emasculation that's only going to last the maximum of 10 years. I mean, in the moment, I mean.

Oh, yeah. You've had to admit defeat, haven't you? I don't mind. Who am I admitting defeat to? An old gran. An old fat gran. Don't be disrespectful to her. She said she was fecking fat.

She kept us in fecking, which you don't hear very often. That's her right to say that about herself. It's not your right to say that about her. She literally said it. But don't take it out on her, because you can't drive a car. But it was very stressful. I didn't like it. I didn't enjoy that part

I got a Bedford I got an absolute nightmare speaking of this before we get I said we'd do an email special we will

just as a part of an elongated intro on the back of that I had a nightmare a few weeks ago I've got to tell you we were having Wi-Fi access to

our son and me we were having a drive back into London and it was a terrible journey to our son and me were having a drive back into London and it was a terrible journey to gauge years. Boy was getting a little bit agitated. Sticker on a mic. I've gone on a mic. Yeah.

Um, and, we were on this big queue of traffic and it turned out, we weren't far from home and it turned out the bus had broken down. Right. No one could get past. Yeah. But there was a,

an immediate turn left turn, which I thought I could probably if I went down there I'd better find pick my way home and I could little rat race

turned out I could little rat run little rat run we get up the the road half up the road and there's this kind of sign

and these two big flower boxes they've put in the middle of the road oh yeah too small no no no you could get through it and I thought it was to sign and these two big flower boxes they've put in the middle of the road. Too small. You could get through it, but I thought it was to slow traffic down. It's part of a residential kind of plan. It was the Chelsea Flower

Shore. No, my wife was like, you can't drive through there. I said, yeah, you can. It's just to slow traffic down. It's like a traffic measure. She went, no, you can't. That's what I mean, you can't drive through there. And I admit, I was sitting there thinking,

you've never driven a car in the UK. Right. You don't know what the signs mean. Yeah. This is fine. And you end up in a shopping centre. And I've doubled down. Yeah.

Stubbornly. Yeah. And gone and done it anyway. Yeah. And she was like, you can't do that. I was like, it's fine.

Don't worry about it. Anyway, it gets forgotten about. Yesterday morning, ticket. Oh, what, for driving down the thing?

Photograph. It's for bikes only. Why are you... Why am I like this? It's supposed to be 65 quid. Why are you not opening the post before she gets to it? I hate the little... Mimi doesn't know.

Yeah. Look, it's important for us to keep up with... Like, in many... I don't think that's as embarrassing as your thing with the lady, though. I would have done that in five seconds flat, no problem. I'm,

yeah, because you can drive a stick, but I am, I can operate the motor vehicle I'm allowed to operate. Yeah, but I'm not saying that.

Right. I'm saying you should have just said no. Yeah, but she, I said no, and she said yes. All right?

It's like if they said to you, oh, by the way, mate, do you mind just take over the yoke on this plane for the next half an hour? I'd have a go.

I'd have a go. I know you would. That would be a new experience. I've tried to understand. It's stupid. It would certainly be that. It would certainly be that. It's stupid.

Just a manual plane. Yeah, I promised on Thursday we'd do an email special. We've got loads of emails. I feel bad because people take their time to email in. We don't always get to them. So I think we should do it.

First up, I want to read an email on the subject, Pete pete of your social skills i know it's you know a little bit unfair perhaps but you've i've got a right to reply it's fine acquiesce to this and we talked about it before andrew's been in touch and he says he's a listener who met you recently and he he sent in a review of your small talk okay so i think what i'll do is bullet pointed out by three bullet points maybe i'll go through a bullet point it out by three bullet points. Maybe I'll go through a bullet point at a time and you can have a right to reply for each bullet point

and then we'll do the conclusion because he's done like marks out of ten and all the rest of it. Okay? So Andrew, his name is, he says, I bumped into Pete

in Southend on Friday night. Mm-hmm. And I introduced myself as a long-time Luke and Pete show fan. This is my, this is the summary of my experience.

Introduction. 8 out of 10 okay I commented on my frequent emailing Pete feigned interest that makes it sound like I wasn't convincing at my interest

it's given you 8 out of 10 right were you interested yeah yes I was interested yeah I can't remember

what the actual details were but I was interested okay well you started off okay. Okay. You feigned interest. It sounds to me that's all Andrew expected. He said, then Pete proceeded to ask me to sit down and join him at a table for two with

his wife that he has access to. Did you do that? Yes, I did, yeah. That's going too far, isn't it? Is that going too far? Why is that going too far? You're making it awkward. He just wants to say hello.

He just wants to spend the whole night having dinner with you. I was at a gig. I wasn't having a meal. I was having a pint. I was having a pint. I was having a meal of a pint of lager. What was the gig? John Robbins. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Oh, please make a show with me. You're a proper one. What? Yeah. So presumably Andrew turned that down. You're not the Ellis James of this duo. Andrew says that he kind of gives you a kind of emoji,

kind of straight-faced faced emoji which doesn't really say whether he's happy about it or not I think he's gone for absolutely fine but the emoji he's used is like Andrew goes on to say I mentioned I had mould in my house and a puppy his partner

sounds like he's panicking sounds like he's panicking his partner intervened before he bad at small talk sounds like he's panicking sounds like he's panicking his partner intervened before he could embarrass himself that's harsh that's harsh I think overall 6 out of 10

he says 6 out of 10 he says I'm upset I didn't meet him at the indie bar next door after any explanation for that I mean there's not an indie bar next door

is there is there I've not been there hello and then there's a follow up as a postscript Andrew says I said we should be

called lap heights for Luke and Pete Show fans. He suggested lapos. Sounds a bit like lappy, doesn't it? Yeah. Sounds a bit like a lap dancing bar. Does it? Lappies?

Is that what lads, is that how they describe a lap dancing bar? I think some lads do, yeah. I'm off to the lappies. Yeah. I would assume laptop, see? And then that's where the hilarious confusion occurs.

Technology. Whereas I'm trying to update my drivers. I once heard... One of the funniest things Marcus Speller has said, and he's said many funny things over the years. I once overheard a bunch of quite tedious lads

calling a lap dancing bar a titty bar. To which, for the rest of the conversation, because Marcus is a very kind of sensible straight this guy he insisted on referring to every time i come up a conversation again as a

breast bar a breast bar which can't look completely which completely disarms the whole thing which i thought was funny i can't well i can't i can't criticize most because

fundamentally you'll point out that i'm that i'm having a go. I'm not. Because early on in the Ramble, I said something. It only becomes a thing if that person takes umbrage with it. So we all do little jokes at each other. But Marcus Zunaro goes,

actually, Pete, I do like the films of insert director. Yeah, but I think the reason I criticise you is because I think what you do is this, right? Right. Yeah, but I think you can't, what I think, the reason I criticise you is because I think what you do is this, right? Right. You look at me. Yeah. And you go, I'm not having any of that.

He can defend himself. And you look at Vish and you go, I don't know Vish that well. Oh, there's some low-hanging fruit. Oh, delicious low-hanging fruit. Yeah, but you don't say weird stuff. He's always saying weird stuff. Marcus is the equivalent of you

walking past a lovely little cottage and seeing a pie on the windowsill and going oh delicious no my house I'll chop your fucking hands off that's

why and that's why I don't like bullies Peter oh bully I'm just like he'll say something that makes me laugh and I'll go hang on what's

that about and then you go stop picking on my house I'm not yeah I'm not. I'm just not. Okay. I'm pleased we got that out of our chest. But I will always stick up

for the little man. You always pick up for the little man and his breast bar. Why don't you do this email from Dylan? I haven't read it in advance. It looks like it might be awful.

Oh, okay. Right. Dylan. It's a long one. I'll bash through it. Oh, good God. That is a tight one. No. Hello there. Good thing it's Pete. Producer R'll bash through it oh good god that is a title isn't it hello there

good thing it's Pete producer Rory's young and he's got a very good moral compass yes he has by which I mean he's Scottish and so

if he's agreed that this can go in the running order and he's put a title on the email I think it's probably fine alright okay

hello there I'm a court reporter for the Daily Telegraph and the Illawarra star in New South Wales Australia and I have a story reporter for the Daily Telegraph and the Illawarra star in New South Wales, Australia, and I have a story you may find amusing. Paul Iera, a Wollongong tradesman,

faked his own kidnapping so he could go and see a sex worker on New Year's Eve last year. The admin! And if that ain't living life to the fullest, I don't know what is. Did it start when he agreed to reverse a woman's car out of a car park?

I'm too fit. Iera told his partner he was going to see his finance guy start when he agreed to reverse a woman's car out of a car box. Do fit. He had a taller partner. He was going to see his finance guy before later messaging her that he'd been kidnapped by unknown

Middle Eastern men. Racist as well. I don't mind faking a kidnapping, but why do we always go there? Why do we always, when we're faking

our kidnappings, why do we go there? If you had to fucking kidnap him, what, what, who are you saying in that scenario, who are you saying

has done it? I was saying the men and women of Lilliput. Yeah. Because then I would look like I could possibly overpower them if I needed to get out of it. All right? Yeah. I'd need quite small people. Possibly.

He then started texting her, pretending to be the kidnappers, with the partner contacting the police, who instigated a wide-reaching search. Iero was found by police the following day in a van. It's just good that he's looking after the pennies. He's seeing his sex workers in his van, presumably. He's not looking after the public coffers, though, is he? No, he's not, true. And told the lie, but ultimately nothing stacked up.

Phone towers, phone downloads, and CCTV had him going to the sex workers' address. And he was charged with making a false accusation. Iero was sentenced to a three-year community correction order, like a good behaviour bond, ordered to complete 350 hours of community service and pay back the New South Wales Police about £8,500 in British money

for the resources wasted during the search. Good. Magistrates said the following when sentencing Iera, society would be asking, why shouldn't you be sent to prison? You chose to send alarming, frightening messages to your partner so you could get some extra time with another partner. You thought that would be a great way to do it. Any reasonable person would have gone to the police

and that is exactly what happened. I mean, just astonishing turn of events. If you wanted to spend a little bit more time over the festive season with the sex workers... Oh, for fuck's sake. All right, not you, Marcus. He's not here to defend himself. What was the question you were going to ask me?

If you wanted to spend a little bit more time, or any time with the sex workers... A little bit more time? Where's this come from? Over New Year's Eve. Over New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. To me, there's a thing... Use the fireworks. Pretend you're under fire.

Over the phone. The main issues I have with this are that he is wasting an extraordinary amount of presumably already stretched police resources. Over the busiest time of year as well. Yeah, two, he's choosing to do New Year's Eve in that way. Now, I don't know what arrangement he's got with his partner.

Presumably, based on what transpired, not a very good one. He's not got an arrangement where he can get away with that kind of caper. No, if him and his partner were like, oh, by the way, I like seeing sex workers, and his partner was like, okay, I actually haven't got a problem with that. Stick it in the family calendar so we know where you are. Our calendar clashes.

Very much coming out of your personal account, not the joint account. And all the other stuff and all the admin that comes along with that kind of stuff you need to do properly

and thoroughly. It's not for me to judge. No. It's not for me to judge. But maybe just don't do it at family time. Don't have people, admin workers,

who are already working really hard pinging phone towers for your fucking bullshit. What I always like about, and it's usually men who get caught in the act of murder, doing terrible things

to their friends and family, etc. I think they always think that your mobile phone can't be subpoenaed in any way. You know what I mean? They always think that the things that they've got on their phone are sacrosanct and the police can't get to them. I'll just delete them.

I'll just delete them. It's fine. No, but if... So, this is a genuine question off the back of that then, because I have never really thought about how they would do this. Right. If you... Because we had a death in our family about a year ago.

Yeah. And some stuff had to happen. It was very sad, but there was no suspicious circumstances. But obviously, the police didn't know that at the time. So they do take the electronic equipment. But obviously, they're locked with pins and iCloud stuff. So how did the police actually get into that? The reason I ask this is because, in my experience,

the police were asking a lot of questions about how to get into it do you know the pin do you know the email address do you know the password presumably because that's the easiest way of doing it presumably yes and then other than that they've got other measures they can i mean i presume i do i'm almost certain that um they text messages outside of stuff like the peer-to-peer encryption thing of stuff like WhatsApp are public. So I think phone companies do have records of people's text messages. I think normal texts aren't encrypted. Maybe I'm wrong on that one.

But phone connections happening, your ISP will obviously have, your mobile phone company will act as an internet service provider and they'll know where you visited, what you've looked at, etc, etc. I think peer-to-peer messaging like WhatsApp and stuff, I don't think, that's why you can get away with throwing your phone in the sea, etc, etc, in recent British court cases lately. You can get away with that or deleting stuff at source.

But yeah, I guess the easiest way of doing it is asking for people's phone records but people do sort of think that there's some kind of like legal thing where it's quite hard for people to to um get phone stuff kind of like off off court documents onto court documents rather but the part of the reason for me asking the question is something that i saw in the news recently which I'm crying was absolutely baffling is that our current Prime Minister Rishi Sunak was asked to submit his

WhatsApp messages to the COVID inquiry and he refused so he couldn't because he's changed his phone several times since then but the WhatsApp messages aren't linked to a device, they're linked to a number. It depends if you've saved them to where your phone should be I suppose. If you've saved them to where your phone should be, I suppose.

If you've changed phones, it doesn't necessarily keep all your messages. That's a piss take. He's a public servant, and that is a piss take. He shouldn't be using a personal phone if those messages can't be subpoenaed. He shouldn't be using a personal phone to carry out government business. It shouldn't... How much have the right profited over

bloody Clinton's use of a personal email address? Big time. That's been like... That's a multi-billion dollar industry. Big time. Chat about that. I would also say that actually, if we're going to soberly assess

what is expected of our public figures, right? We'll be there all day long. No, but if all things were equal, Rishi Snout should be voluntarily handing them over. He shouldn't even need to have them subpoenaed he should be saying i was a prominent figure in one of the biggest issues in recent memory in this country as a result i'm whiter than white i'm transparent here's all my shit but it's because uh i guess our causes and also like to to a bigger extent our government, they're not they're not technocrats

they don't understand how these things work and they don't understand that a crime is being committed so by rights the opposition should be that should be number one, but it's not sexy enough you know what I mean? The real shocking stuff is because the general public don't really understand

what a public servant is compared to what their obligations are to technology. They should be submitting this stuff. We're just not that technologically competent, I think, as a community to hold our politicians to standards that they should have. A great example of that would be the online safety bill, right? That has taken so long to go through Parliament. They're in a situation where it's almost like in a law version of development hell,

where it's so out of date, by the time they get it through, they have to keep redoing it, because the internet and technology moves on so quickly. And it also makes me... The thing that I find interesting is the idea... We'll get that deepfake porn stuff sorted in about 2050. Yeah, exactly. Once we've moved on. Well, there was a...

I think we mentioned it at the time on BBC Question Time, which for those people listening not in the UK is the UK's flagship political debate programme. There was a question from the audience about AI. Oh, what do you think the main dangers are posed by AI? A pretty standard story, standard question. All the people on the panel, whether it be politicians, public figures, celebrities, whoever the fuck they had on there,

I forget who it was, they just answered questions about the internet. It's like, that's not the question. You don't even understand the framing of the question. It's like Guy Gormer in the BBC News. Yeah, that's what it was a bit like. Talking about MP3s. I also find the priorities of people's outlooks really interesting

because you mentioned Hillary Clinton there, right? Right in the US, we're obsessed with Hillary Clinton. They're just obsessed with her. They're obsessed with people that are convenient for them to be obsessed with, like Hunter Biden, like Joe Biden's son. Problematic character, without question. Not running for office though, is he? Not running for public office.

Hillary Clinton's not doing anything now. Why do you care? And the thing that really fucking winds me up about that is that all of a sudden, people who have a right-leaning political philosophy, which in my personal view, you know, good for them. It's fine.

I don't want to participate in the othering of people who have different political opinions than me. I don't think that's helpful. But they are othering themselves in the way that some of them... But the thing is, in the US particularly, they've gone so far that it's not even on the political spectrum now. So what they'll do is they'll spend their time criticising Biden on bits of policy

or criticising Biden for his son or whatever. They'll go, oh, Biden doing the inflation reduction now, it's not the thing we should be doing. Oh, so you want to do politics properly now, do you? But when people literally commit insurrection in the Capitol building and commit treason, led by the President of the United States,

the actual President, the leader of the free world, the guy who sits in the office, the most historic, amazing storied office in the office, the most historic, amazing, storied office in the Western world. He sits behind the Resolute Desk,

you know, fucking wood carved out of the fucking great battleships gifted by, you know, Queen Victoria to America. Right?

It's an amazing office, right? He fucking tells people to come in there. You don't give a fuck about that. Oh, you want to talk about policy now? You don't want to talk

about that. It's a fucking disgrace. And they've gone so far to the right and so far off the fucking reservation that they don't have a right to talk about this stuff. You can't on one hand let that happen, on the other hand say, oh yeah, we're not going to pass that law because it's got a

certain amount of different detail in it that we don't like. Fuck off. But when you sort of like see the debates for the for obviously the leader of the Republican Party which is

you know completely useless because obviously Trump's way ahead it's it is really funny to see

these kind of people try and do like talk like like a Reagan era fiscally

conservative Republican they're all Reagan era fucking cosplayers but yeah but that's not what that conservative Republican. Oh, they're all Reagan era fucking cosplayers. But, yeah,

but that's not what that party is anymore. You know, they're just racist maniacs. So like, your base doesn't care about fiscal responsibility.

They care about being racist. And, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, to beat america of a stick right there's in many ways it's a country that lends itself to having the piss taken out of it particularly if you're in britain because that's britain that's what british people are like anyway and it's kind of oh america's just a bit like britain but it's a bit more mental and so you know people go crazy for the kind of stories that come out of there but the thing that i'm really passionate about having spent a bit of time there and knowing a little bit about it is just a you have to understand the u.s is and particularly was an amazing country you know they fought really with a bit of help here and there of course they fought for their own kind

of independence and they did an amazing way against a massive world naval superpower and they got it they fought really fucking hard to abolish slavery and and some of the some of the political maneuvers they that lincoln and some of his um cohorts and colleagues made to abolish slavery in a way that meant it could never come back with some of the most amazing political works ever done anywhere right and that's the weight of the legacy that that fucking office holds and if you're going to treat it like the way donald trump's treated it i know this is a bit of a five-year-old conversation but it's still there it's still pervading all the time. Don't tell

me that you love America. Don't tell me that you're a really proud conservative if you're going to let that shit fucking slide. Because they are a vassal state to some fucking egocentric maniac's fucking whims. And they should just admit it. We don't want to be a democracy. We want to be a dictatorship. We want that guy to be our dictator.

He's a fucking messianic Jesus figure to us, and whatever he does, we'll excuse. And don't sit there on fucking Twitter criticizing Joe Biden if you're going to fucking ally yourself with that fucking cunt. I'm sorry to be sweary about it, but I feel very passionately about it

and it annoys the shit out of me that in the world we're in now, America's needed. Whether you like it or not, it's fucking needed. China, the Middle East, Russia, all this stuff. If you don't like what America's doing, you're going it or not, it's fucking needed. China, the Middle East, Russia, all this stuff. If you don't like what America's doing,

you're going to fucking hate the other guys. But at the same time, America needs to fucking take its responsibilities seriously. Anyway, that's a diversion. Sorry about that. Sorry about the tangent. I'm going back to Paul

and I'm going to do a final email to wrap up the show, Peter. All right. If that's all right with you. In fact, I'm going to do Paul and then I'm going to do Andrew because they're both similar subjects.

Have we done an ad break yet? We haven't done an ad break. Shit. Let's do an ad because they're both similar subjects. Have we done ad break yet? We haven't done ad break, shit! Let's do an ad break, we'll be back with that. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day, or binging TV shows all night.

Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We gotet visit Rogers.com for details we got you Rogers speaking of vassal states here's Luke Moore I'm a vassal state

to you Peter and your whims your messianic whims do what I say not what I do not what I do Paul's been in touch

he says hello Luke and Peter I wanted to share a story about the most I've ever eaten back on board. Back on familiar ground. We did talk about this a while back and it's good to get the emails in.

And I love it when we hit on a subject that listeners can actually relate to, which is me eating too much. When I was in college, says Paul, a group from our class decided to treat ourselves to a Pizza Hut

all-you-can-eat buffet lunch, but with the added challenge of seeing who could eat the most. I don't know why. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And I would just say this. Back in the kind of early 2000s, Pizza Hut was the go-to if you were living in London,

particularly if you had no money, because they do all-you-can-eat lunches for a few quid, effectively, and you didn't have to have dinner. It was ideal. So I remember these times well. A few of our team at um capital actually pete the more entry-level people which i was very much a part of used to go to pixar for lunch like once a week anyway paul says a lot of the group bowed out after eight to ten slices but myself and another guy were going toe to toe being a competitive

and rather stupid person i wanted to win at all. So even though we called it even after 18 slices each... You're never going to poo again. I then sneakily ate a 19th slice. That's demented. While we were getting the bill to leave victorious and incredibly chuffed with myself. My joy was short-lived, though, as I had to work an evening shift at a supermarket later that day

where I spent the majority of the time hiding in the toilet for fear that I may need to clean up on one of the aisles. Oh, well, maybe not. Maybe he's gone the other way on that one. That was the last of my competitive eating in the toilet for fear that I may need to clean up on one of the aisles. Oh, well, maybe not. Yeah. Maybe he's gone the other way on that one. That was the last of my competitive eating love the show, Paul.

Now, that Pizza Hut all-you-can-eat buffet thing, which is legendary in my view. It was very good. It's thick slices as well. It's not your fashionable sourdough stuff now. But you just get like,

you just get quite a lot of salad. You just need roughage with it, I suppose, don't you? Yeah, that's going to block you up big time. It's going to block me up big time. I need the roughage for crying out loud

yeah so thanks for getting in touch with that Paul 19 slices I mean if anyone could beat that I'd be very very surprised I very much enjoyed

some Randall McRandall was reviewing Marvel's Spider-Man 2 the PS5 game that's obviously very popular at the moment game in the air

for a lot of people just like video game kind of discourse it's just very, very funny because very simple people seem to really get involved in it. Somebody was reviewing it and talking about the city,

the open world, this fantastical... What type of game is it? It's an open world, swingy, web-slinging kind of shooter, I suppose. I don't know, I don't know. Spider-Man, you swing around, truss up some ne'er. Spider-Man, you swing around, truss up some ne'er-do-wells. But it's not like

a 3D platform or anything like that. It's like a proper RPG, is it? You just do like quests, I suppose. So it's 3D action sort of game.

But somebody was reviewing it and said, this city, this open world, it's so limited. There's just so much window dressing.

It's just like one big jungle gym for Spider-Man to swing and fly through. You can't buy an NYC slice of pizza. You can't go to Coney Island and enjoy the world's famous Nathan's hot dog. You can't ride the subway. You can't go into a deli.

You can't hail a cab. He's Spider-Man! He doesn't need to do any of those things. These people buy a game for $70, and games take five years to make, minimum. And these people want to do the most dull, tedious things in them. It's not Second Life. They feel like they're just not getting the value

unless there's 300 hours of content in these things. But also... But I'm just saying he could have eaten 15, 18 slices of NYC pizza. Buying a slice of pizza from a store in New York City in that game would take five seconds. Yeah. What are you going to do with it? Just imagine you did it. Oh, there's Pizza Rat.

It's a nice little Easter egg. That's what it is. You wouldn't even need to stop. Just swing by. I've got a bit of pizza. He'd probably grab one with his web. Yeah, exactly. And then fling it into his mouth. People are weird, man. Really weird. I've never played that game. I've seen a lot he'd probably grab one with his whip yeah exactly and then fling it

into his mouth people are weird man I've never played that game I've seen a lot of people talk about it though it sounds very very interesting it's not really my cup of tea though

no when I'm too busy pwning noobs on PUBG anyway you prefer not to swing through imagine if they added a Spider-Man compliment to PUBG

yeah you could swing off that bridge they put KFCs in PUBG right okay what like just an abandoned you could swing off that bridge. Do you know what, there's a, they put KFCs in PUBG. Right, okay, what,

like, just an abandoned, in an abandoned hellscape? Yeah. Right. And a functioning KFC, the people working KFC? No, an abandoned KFC,

but there's some people that left food everywhere. So instead of using the first aid kit, you can have a KFC bucket and it puts your health up. I love that. And that's because of the sponsorships.

Yeah, yeah, nice, nice, nice. And you can buy KFC fries. Good stuff. It's. I love that. It must be like a sponsorship thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice, nice, nice. And you can buy KFC fries. Good stuff. It's very, very interesting. You can commit war crimes.

It's kind of weird. I've committed a war crime in a KFC. It's kind of weird because it's obviously a very, so the map it's in is like an abandoned Eastern European town.

And it's like a bright red and white KFC. Yeah, it's still like, it looks really good. Go get the branding in there. Nice, yeah. I mean, out there, when obviously the sanctions bit,

KFC became something completely different inside Russia, anyway. What did it become? They just did their own thing, didn't they? They still had the buildings and they just took them over and sort of dropped the franchise and pretended that this was the thing

everyone was eating all along. Fascinating. Like Starbucks when they bought all the Little Chefs. What? Did they do that? Yeah. If you look at all the Little Chef buildings and the motorways,inating. Like Starbucks when they bought all the little chefs. What? Did they do that? Yeah. If you look at all the little chef buildings

and the motorways, they're all Starbucks now. They're now Starbucks now. They must have got a job lot on them. Little chef. Anyway, we'll finish the show today

with Andrew who says, most calories in one sitting. Hi, I'm not the tallest. I'm six foot two or the fattest. Approximately 80 kilograms. It's interesting that he's gone for

the imperial height yet the metric weight. Certainly is. Luke and Pete show listener, but I feel I can put my name to the most calories eaten in one sitting. This is a very strange boast from Andrew. I'm very happy to hear from him, but this is very strange. I frequently eat two large

Domino's pepperoni passions by myself. I admit it takes me about two episodes of a good TV show, about an hour and a half, but it is in one sitting. Once, with the help of smoking the herb, Legalise it. Legalise it. I noticed an email from Domino's that offered three pizzas for £9.99 each,

which meant getting a third pizza was cheaper than getting two. With the intention to leave one for leftovers, I promptly sat down and polished all three off before my wife got home. He's got a wife. The total calories, 2642 per pizza, three pizzas, 7,926 calories, which when you add in the garlic and herb dip is easier than 8,000.

You have to add in the garlic and herb dip. It's the only reason to eat pizza is that garlic and herb dip or that buttery dip you get in. He's included in his sources. He says, I've roughly taken on board 40% of my weekly recommended intake in under two hours. If needed, I could do a time-lapse video of me eating all three of you require.

Thanks, Andrew. It sounds like a threat, doesn't it? Yeah. And I would say the Domino's PDF for the nutrition briefing that they've kind of put together, very heavy with colour, numbers, and I don't know what they've kind of put together. Very heavy with colour, numbers, and I don't know what they've done to it, but it's quite slow to access on my MacBook M1.

So well done then for creating such a dense PDF full of information. Little brag for you there. My MacBook M1. It's quite an old Mac. You've got an M2. Have I? Yeah. I don't even know what I've got. There you go.

It's fucking heavy though, I know that. Feel every gram of it on my fucking backpack on the way in in the morning. you got an M2 have I yeah I don't even know what I've got there you go it's fucking heavy though I know that feel every feel every one ram of it on my fucking backpack on the way in the morning alright Peter

we've got loads more emails here I mean Stefan's been in touch Neil's been in touch hello to you hello to you Luke hello to you Tom

we will get there we will get there we're finally losing battle but we will get there as soon as we can but that's enough time for this Monday show

we'll be back on Thursday alright then sorry about the rant about America but as soon as we can but that's enough time for this Monday show we'll be back on Thursday alright then sorry about the rant about America but I'm quite passionate about it that's alright

how do you feel about it do you feel a bit awkward what else are we going to talk about well I just know that you feel very passionate about it and I do too

but I'm not able to talk about it in such a I think mine was a bit ranty and a bit sweary wasn't it language of the working class I'm sure

America will be able to deal. Alright? Hopefully. Hopefully she remains unbroken. If they can survive Hillary Ronald Clinton

and Hunter Biden's laptop Benghazi You'll do it like a Yorkshireman, though. Benghazi. Yeah. Fucking Benghazi.

Yeah. I'm sure he can survive that. Hopefully. I'm sure the Constitution can survive your rant. We'll have our fingers crossed. Yeah. Fucking Benghazi. Yeah. I'm sure it can survive that. Hopefully. I'm sure the Constitution can survive your rant. We'll have our fingers crossed. Yeah. Watch that Jill Dandler documentary last week. I saved that for Thursday.

I know. I'll pass through it. It sounds interesting. It's hard to feel sorry for a literal sex offender. Anyway. I also watched the first, this is unrelated, I also watched the first episode of that Beckham documentary. Right.

Didn't like it that much. Did you not like it that much? I found the directing was a little bit scattergun. Yeah, all over the place. Yeah. That's what scattergun means, isn't it? Maybe Johnny Five helped him. All right then.

All right then. We'll be back on Thursday for batteries. If you've got batteries in your battery hole, let us know about them. Cheers, everyone. I've got to go now because I've got to go for lunch with Lars Sivitsen. Oh, what a beauty. If you've got batteries in your battery hole, let us know about them. Cheers, everyone. I've got to go now because I've got to go for lunch with Lars Sivitsen. Oh, what a beauty.

Is his leg back on the mend? I'm hoping to find out. Give it a squeeze. If he's late. If he'll yell. We'll be back soon. Bye. See you. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production

and part of the Acast Creator Network. Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.