The Luke and Pete Show - It's Been...

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

On today’s show, Puff Puff Pete tells us about his casual visits to Doobsville, USA, before Luke shares news on a dating disaster involving one man and his 35 girlfriends.Elsewhere, the boys discuss the holy grail of old men's haircuts and what it takes to have an incredibly epic nap, before A NEW PLAYER ENTERS THE GAME.This week, we want your battery brands! Get in touch with new brands you've found in your old gadgets, at the back of your dad's garage or in that long egg device you just purchased - drop us an email over at [e-mail] or get involved on our Twitter/Instagram @lukeandpeteshow. THANKS! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the luke and peach show it's thursday and we're here to do it all over again an entire half an hour of nonsense you're listening to it we're producing it it's probably going to involve poo at some point it's just how we do it to be quite frank we're born to do it luke emo we're born to do it how you feel look craig david cra to do it, Luke Emo. We're born to do it. How you feel? Craig, David. Craig, bloody David. I'd like to kick us off with news hot off the press, Luke. Geoffrey Toobin. Are you familiar with Geoffrey Toobin?

I'm not, but I'm also a little bit concerned about the intro in which you sort of implied that you might poo your pants. No, I mean, just take that as read that that's a constant threat that's already happened just exactly you never know what it's gonna come jeffrey tubin he is a cnn correspondent he was um suspended you must have remembered this story before the election you know they have those kind of like um sort of mock election mock debates uh on cnn and you know how it's all going to be gamed out and stuff and how how it's all going to set out

um yeah he's a famous legal analyst and he was and he was um he was suspended uh after just masturbating on the zoom thinking that he couldn't be seen while they were doing this group call. Do you remember? He's back on telly. He's back. Can't keep a good man down. Can't keep a good man down. The ultimate multitasker.

Just turn your camera off, mate, and then normally you can see. Don't wank at a meeting. Don't wank at a meeting. It should be at least semi-sacred. Yeah. Can't see my bottom half right now yeah I don't well

I've already seen your bottom half and what it's got to offer anyway but look I'm all for people wanting in their comfort their own home to indulge in their own sexual proclivities you know consenting adults and all that yeah but you're bringing other people into it it's work time you know and no worker

from home since the pandemic has had its challenges because the blurring of work and home life can be difficult that's not an excuse to have a quick one off the wrist it's not it is a bit of an excuse though isn't it if you want me to work from my um you know spare bedroom i'm gonna do spare bedroom stuff while i'm working that's indoor language that's indoor language sometimes people would say for me that's that's um that's that's talk for the car you know that's not talk for you that's not talk for the function that's talk for the car that's indoor language that's lovely that's a lovely i'm stealing that that's talk for the car i don't know what his defense was but you seem to be suggesting that your defense

he had the horn is that your your pavlovian reaction to being in the spare room overpowers any work you should have to do. He was fired by the New Yorker in October for just exposing his penis and masturbating on camera, thinking he couldn't be seen, during a virtual work meeting. He apologised, obviously, but the confidence of the man

who thinks he can administer a mock political debate while debating himself, so to speak. It's amazing, really, to have that level of confidence and that kind of, like, I've seen this all before, I can administer this kind of mock presidential debate while getting down to Flavortown in your spare bedroom. Well, imagine how bad he would have felt, though,

because do you remember when we were on a work call once and I said, by accident, you get a free lickable treat on the call? Yes, yeah, yeah. I was basically unpacking a cat fountain at home. Because I think one of you were just talking, and you didn't need me to contribute, so I was just waiting. Unpacking a cat fountain. When Luke goes quiet on these calls, on these shows,

just know that Luke is invariably unpacking a cat fountain. He's got a weird addiction where he just constantly buys cat fountains. eBay, Amazon, all of them. When I die, don't think of me as being dead. Just think of me as unpacking a cat fountain. He's gone to the farm to unpack the biggest cat fountain. Yeah, yeah. I don't actually even let the cats use them.

I just, it's how I like to drink my water. Do you like my jacket? I've never worn this, I don't think, in front of you. Yeah, it's good. It's like a space scene. No, it's too warm. It is light. I could wear it, but it's just a bit warm.

Have you missed the boat for wearing it? How many years ago did you buy it? I bought two. There's a pink one and a black spacey one with cats all over it. And I bought it from Japan about two or three years ago. I'm never going to wear it seriously, but not bad for a little bit of fancy dress or something. But it's a really good um border device isn't it because in your 30s fine

now you're 40 can you wear it no it's true but as as you guys pointed out uh on the on the pub in the pub uh last week uh that i am um starting to resemble is it sir philip green the top shop guy yeah it's very pleasing. Because so many lookalikes come along with Donaldson. It's unbelievable. And the only person I've ever known to have as many lookalikes as you is the Northern Irish comedian who I know a little bit, Shane Todd. It's mad, his face.

I've seen lookalikes been given to him and he's shown me them on his phone where it will literally be an old woman working down the supermarket and joanne croif right and he looks like both of them it's impossible to work out in your mind oh that's fantastic him aside you are the person who has the most lookalikes ever your face is like a blank canvas and i'm i'm i'm as excited about the philip green shout as i was about the bulgarian assistant manager with the same mouth as you that's the most excited i've been when it comes to your lookalikes because i come along ten a penny these days but i mean the philip green

thing is is mainly because he's got like kind of wispy uh he's he's got no hair on top at all but he's still rocking um what could only be described as a as a kind of like a ponytail sort of thing it's a skullet yeah um i mean i mean the problem is he's got quite he had quite thick hair and so the wispy bits at the back of his head are quite um curly and mine aren't so i i don't get this up they do flick up because i because you put my hair in a ponytail. It's very strange. So the kind of holy grail for the older man's haircut isn't in fact the skullet. I mean, it's great to see a skullet. It's great to see a mullet.

An unironic mullet is a great thing to see. It's great to see a skullet, a far lesser spotted version of the mullet when the hair is receiving. The holy grail of old man's haircuts is actually the drollet, which is a dreadlocked drollet. Oh, that is enjoyable.

And I like men who are in their 30s. They've smoked a bit of weed in their time. Let's make that clear. They're addicted to the stuff. And they have the dreadlocks. They like the Pope. Their favourite Pope will be one that's smoked. The Sensamelia.

He would be... His dreadlocks were so thick and so rich at some point that it's pulled all of the hair out. You know, the actual entry point for the dreads is so thin by the time it gets to the head. It's just hanging on by a literal thread and they could pop off at any moment and they'd just be a bald guy with weird, lumpy hair.

So have you ever seen a drollet, do you think, in action? I've seen a few. There's this song that I'm obsessed with. It's called Puff Puff Yeah on YouTube. That's not a real song. And it's two weed enthusiasts uh singing a kind of hot just fucking horrendous uh song about smoking weed uh and they yeah they're they're um they're passing the weed puff puff yeah puff puff pass i think it might be called actually and uh yeah the guy who sort of breaks in with some kind of like ragga rapping over the top

he's got he's got a drollet very enjoyable great to see so you don't see him very often that's why they're so special the man from also

Counting Crows as well his dreadlocks are reportedly not not from his his own supply let's say what's his name

that geezer I can't remember. What's his name? Jimmy... Is it Adam Duritz? Adam Duritz, yeah. Adam Duritz, yeah. I've seen a picture of him on Wikipedia.

He's got a very, very thick set of hair. Yeah. I was going to say to you, with that Puff Puff Pass thing, isn't it quite comforting in a way to know that the way you've just described that song and the way you've called the name of it and and everything that could have been a song in 1995 yes i think so yeah it would be really naughty no nothing's we've done and and if you listen to the song

uh and i wish we could play it on here i mean to be honest they won't have released it you won't be able to buy it anyway so you possibly could get where we're playing it. But it is astonishingly bad. Like, there is, I think, a real revolution when it comes to weed and how it's sort of presented. It used to be the sort of people who would buy High Times magazine and stuff and they'd just be obsessed with, like, you know, the centrefold in High Times. It would just be, like, some fucking weed.

And that sort of thing is very, very, very strange. But nowadays, obviously... Like vaping, anyway? Well, yeah, obviously... Like vaping, in a way. Well, yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Vaping enthusiasts. It's so weird to be into something so... It's just not interesting.

It's not a thing, is it? It's like being interested in building societies. It's not a thing. Yeah, yeah. I'm really into Bradford and Bingley for some reason. Or the Yorkshire Bank. Yeah, it's like that and and um but nowadays i think now it's starting to become uh legalized all over the place we've got

in washington state uh people who are going for their vaccines gets a free um it's a free fucking cigarette for some bloody reason um i'm loving that and so it's less about the the the the crazy people and it's more about sort of going this fits in my life I like to smoke weed I like to drink a beer it's not so much people aren't so obsessed obsessive about it

I think it's more lifestyle and more cool I think so you think it's cool I think put your cat jacket on and roll up a fat fist as you would say Pete

as you said to me before sorry mate I can't make that i'm off to doobesville usa i've not smoked weed for ages uh because i can't because my lungs go peter smoke out and he can't live he can't live in here and then throws out in it and it doesn't work on me i've told you that um for your asthma you should get into swimming you just want to see me in my speedos. Well, I've seen you

in some swim shorts before. I can remember when we were in it. We went to a villa together in Menorca, didn't we? There's a load of us. Oh, yeah. That was fun.

A little bit too cold. No, it was lovely. And you, I'm pretty sure you jumped in the swimming pool with all your clothes on as part of a thing and you were fine about it.

I was fine about it, yeah. The villa owners weren't quite so fine about it. Well, they weren't present, crucially. They weren't present. Huge part of why we were allowed to stay there. So anyway, Pete, the other thing I wanted to talk to you about today was that a... Well, first of all, actually,

because it's our four-year anniversary at the moment, listeners have been crying out for a throwback. It's been from you all right okay wow wow we want it's been yeah strap yourselves in that's me drumming i'm not jeffrey toobin in it should have used the desk oh my god Should have used the desk. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's spinning.

That was all right, actually. Yeah, solid. After all this time, that was actually all right. Yeah, I feel like Zlatan coming back to the Swedish set-up and then getting injured. Getting injured. That's very good. Great to have that flashback. Appreciate that.

Lovely. Depressingly enough, producer Nat, who's a lot younger than us, didn't know what Menkata was because she didn't know what Nkata was. Nkata was. And she made me explain it to her and I felt terrible.

I just thought, where's my life gone? Where's my life gone? I'm never going to be Half penny for your thoughts, Moa. Yeah, I know. And the other thing

I wanted to talk to you about because we mentioned briefly Japan. Have you seen this story about, so I'll read you the headline again because that's probablyapan uh have you seen the story about that so i'll read you the headline again because that's probably about getting this story across because that's what a headline is for good japanese man arrested after dating 35 women at the same time in a bid to get as many birthday presents as possible and he's been he was dating lots of

different women apparently uh he gave them all a different birth date um so that he would get a different birthday present now he got arrested for this uh and um women who of course feel defrauded and feel cheated and i understand that they have of course have our sympathy but i want to ask a question that is a difficult question to ask but nonetheless i think an important one can that be a crime um I guess it is straight fraud, but surely if you're in a relationship with all of these people, you have to buy birthday presents

for all of them too, surely? Yeah. So it evils itself out because apparently he received £668 worth of gifts. Right. Right, okay. But you're right, surely. It's going to go both ways right

and also 35 35 35 women like that and I'm fairly certain he only made like something like 800 quid

out of the whole thing I just said 660 oh sorry 660 quid yeah that's not a lot of that's not a lot of cash really is it there are quicker ways

to make that money Takashi Miyagawa a part time worker I'm not surprised he's part-time he's uh he's in a situation where it's having to sort of yeah exactly very very weird but yeah I just I don't think he made enough money out of it um I he doesn't look particularly handsome he must have something about him uh that uh you know he's how old is he i think he's is he 35 as well um yeah he's he's bagging on a bit look if you can get away with it i don't think it's the worst thing he can't get away with it exactly but uh yeah but i imagine that um so i think the i think

somebody uh sorry news 24 is a great little site that basically just the weird and wonderful wacky world of japan and just sort of puts it out. But the story, it's a mixed responses online. One reader commenting that he's an awful person, but I do envious time management skills.

I do too. So he can't have been that good at it. By the way, one thing I forgot to mention a second ago about this whole stoner thing

that you were mentioning is that do you remember one of the first things, I think it was certainly one of the first things I saw that, do people still say go viral? Do people still say that um uh yeah i think so yeah okay so one of the first things i saw go viral was this kind of it was um a screenshot of an msn

messenger chat between a girlfriend who was pissed off and a boyfriend right and the girlfriend um is going on this big long monologue about why she's fed up with her boyfriend, and she's telling it to the boyfriend himself, because all he ever does is smoke weed, right? And she goes on this big, long monologue. It must be paragraphs and paragraphs. He did this, and he did that. And to cap it all off, the straw that broke the camel's back,

because you never want to do anything, and you never go anywhere because you don't motivate, because all you do is smoke weed all day. Yesterday, you were supposed to come and pick me up from so-and-so and so but you didn't because you ended up smoking loads of weed and having a nap instead right right and then the only response from the bloke is um epic nap the thing like so recently I think it's too old

to be fake as well yeah no enjoyable it kind of reminds me of you know that podcast that we put that we put out

I sort of worked on it a little while ago Bernie Who Killed the Prince of Soho you know heartily recommend it you mean the critically acclaimed really well received the critically the documentary narrative documentary series Bernie Who Killed the Prince of Soho. You know, heartily recommend it. You mean the critically acclaimed, really well-received,

narrative documentary series, Bernie Who Killed the Prince of Soho that you produced and did a brilliant job on, Pete. I'm going to be honest with you. The iTunes top 10 bothering Bernie Who Killed the Prince of Soho. Watch it now.

Listen to it now. Okay. 60% of the listenership, granddad. Yeah. They, I think I put on the Stack account, you know, this shows out, and someone replied.

I was expecting, you know, it mentions a few famous people. It mentions, you know, it's a very, very sad, tragic story, but it's also celebratory in its stylish cues as well, celebrating the life and times of a true one-off in Soho. And the first and only comment on the stack post just said, murderinos. Wow. Somebody just went, murderinos.

I've not even heard that word before. No, I think he just said murder, but he just went, little bit of murderinos. That can't be an autocorrect either no no well listen murderinos we're gonna have a quick break and when we come back we're gonna do some emails and also a few of your battery brands as well as has become the custom see you in a minute. We're back. It's the Luke and Pete show. Pete Donaldson with you.

Luke Moore. If you want to get in touch with the show, it's real simple. Get on Twitter. Get on the old socials. Or if you want to write us something a little bit longer, but not too long. We've got to read this out. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com.

That's the way to do it. Yeah. Some people who have been in touch with their battery brands of the week at Luke and Pete show on Twitter or Instagram. They are Henry who's got in touch with some 2L batteries, just number 2 and the letter L. I've never seen

those before. For me, they're a new player. Yeah, no, no, I completely agree. That's huge for me. They've kept it nice and simple. They've used two digits. I'm having it. I like it, I like the style beautiful. Congratulations to 2L but congratulations to you too Henry

well done for that. Simon's emailed in GP Supercells, get out of town Simon. Get out of town. 2017. GP's like our launch product to be quite frank. GP Supercells completed them. Liam Drake finishes us off

with a bit of Mitsubishi Electric. Now I don't... Get out. No, no, they're not new players. Liam Drake, hang your head.

Never email again. Rubbish. One out of three today. Henry with your two L's. Get yourselves in the special club, mate. Well done.

Lovely. Emails then, hello at lukenpeatshow.com as Pete's already said. We had a great talk on Monday about someone who claims to have done nearly half a million steps in a day. That was nonsense.

Here's hoping these aren't. What about this then from Andrew. Andrew who wants to talk to us about the burger restaurant Five Guys because we talked about it last week. Do you remember, Pete? I said that I like Five Guys because they chuck a load of extra fries in the bag.

They just go, here's some extra fries on us, even though you probably pay for it in a really true sense. But yeah, you're a fan. On that note, Andrew's got some real talk. I think we can call it real talk for us. He says, your brief mention of Five Guys and their reputation for putting a little extra in the bag when it comes to fries

reminded me of a YouTube video I recently watched somewhere down a YouTube hole. Both presenters on both sides of the pond found that in both cases the fries containers delivered were overflowing with quite a few extra fries in the bag. But interestingly, a

full UK medium portion container only accounts for 165 grams of weight for an advertised 414 gram. When they were added all the extra bag fries, they were still looking at 276 grams, a full 138 grams short. Essentially, you would need to be served a full two and a half medium containers

for them to deliver you their fries as advertised. This issue was repeated for the American presenter, too. Across an order of small, medium and large, both presenters were served only about two thirds of the advertised fries, despite full containers and a hefty number of bag fries. It would seem as though this habit of pouring quote unquote extra fries into the bag is nothing more than a cynical ploy to trick you into thinking you are getting extra fries when it would appear you are being significantly short-changed sorry about that much love andrew well look we can't speak uh on uh andrew's um findings uh because obviously you know five guys they got deep pockets and those pockets

are filled with chips um so we'd hate to sort of get involved in that gnarly world of legal chip wrangling but uh yeah if nothing else this email has just made me really want some fucking chips because it's just gone 12 o'clock yeah it's um it's it's an interesting take uh i like the psychological idea of it you know that i know that for example in cinemas they will do the pricing so that let me get this right the large popcorn seems to be much better value than the medium so for example the gap between the price points of small and medium will be quite large but the gap between the medium and the large will be a lot smaller because the large then seems like better value to the customer thus encouraging to buy the large the psychological aspect of all this stuff is fascinating let's make that absolutely clear yeah it's like the um those

kind of new kind of wider pint glasses you get for craft ale uh they look quite stubby and they don't look quite as uh as good value does it but but the but the it only takes uh an increase of the circumference of the radius of the lip of the glass, and it can hold so much more than even those really tall, sort of stellar glasses or the lager brands that do really, really tall glasses. So it's a much of a muchness, and the mind can play some cruel tricks. I once bought a gold dress that was blue, turns out. What's your favourite

kind of beer vessel of choice then? Do you like the old-fashioned kind of hand or dimpled ones? The problem is they don't serve like nice frothy lagers. I like Japan do a really good kind of... I can't believe they haven't brought those back. Yeah, I think they'd be...

But what would you serve in that though? It would have to be like a stout or a doom bar or a... It'd have to be like a stout or a dune bar or, you know, it'd have to be something a bit chewy with twigs in it. You reckon? Yeah, it would have to be something a bit hefty. Although I would quite like a really thick sort of glass with a handle on it, but, like, have a really... Like a nice fizzy lager, but a massive head on it and stuff.

I think heads are underrated. People get very upset because you're not getting enough alcohol in there. But look, it's all about a nice pint and what it looks like. A nice frozen glass. Oh, lovely. You feel like you're in Europe as well. Come on.

Exactly. Come on. The man gets his little knife out and the little knife out and sort of knocks the head off. Beautiful. Yeah. Actually, Pete, read the email out we've got

from Simon in Norwich, because that's a bell tower. I think we should definitely end with that one. All right, then. Oh, God, I've bookmarked it. Have you got it ready, mate? Well, I didn't realise it was there but look, Simon...

You didn't realise it was there? Simon emailed in the GP Supercell. It's Simon and Norwich. I found it by typing in CTRL F. First London experience. Chaps, it's me with the cunty dog. Do you remember the cunty dog? I don't even remember that.

Oh, the cunty dog. On May 31st, you asked for big city stories. Forgive the long email, but this night was bonkers. I moved to London in 2000 to seek my fortune, taking a flat in Neasden and tubing to Bond Street daily.

Can you imagine the promise that moving to London at the turn of the millennium, there must be something special about doing it at that point and sort of going, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to make this city my absolute beach.

I've got a feeling this story isn't going to go that way. One evening, my flatmate and I decided to frequent the local Neeson boozer. Most of them were shady Irish bars with dried blood stains outside, but there was a Wetherspoons and that was the lesser of many evils. So we thought. Sat happily boozing on cheap beer until at 10pm the bell rang for time and everyone started piling out. Knowing my drinking up time rights, we sat a little longer when at 10.20

the bar started filling up. A lot. The beer was flowing over the bar and no money was exchanging hands. Being tight, I chanced my arm at a few free pints as the barman poured. He said, best leave now lads. It's not for your kind in here now. Wow. What? So the barman suddenly. He said, best leave now, lads. It's not for your kind in here now. Wow. What? So the barman suddenly started pouring beer for nobody.

That's exciting if you're not there. Yeah, exactly. 30 minutes passed, pub heaving, then the doors flew open. In walked four men in balaclavas carrying handguns and an industrial-sized baked bean tin. One by one, the men in the bar dropped wedges of cash into said tin.

When it was shaken in my face with a thick irish accent uh for the boys back home uh i dropped 20 pounds in purely out of fear by 11 p.m the bar was empty and we made our way out shaking like shitting dogs wondering what the fuck had happened turns out we'd been sat in the middle of an ira fundraiser much love simon in norwich yeah so sim so Simon, not only Simon in Norwich, Simon IRA fundraisers. IRA, real IRA. Simon is now in Norwich. Yeah, he's not in London anymore.

He's fucked up. Well, shortest move to London. Yeah, it's the sort of thing that you sort of, yeah, it is the sort of thing that you used to see in Holloway quite a lot. You'd see little buckets but it wasn't and in Kilburn

which isn't far from Kilburn by the way no yeah true true yeah and obviously I mean there were no guns getting waved around or anything

but that we know of kind of exciting not we know of there could have been packing heat you never know a good friend of mine

who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons when you hear the story he's a big frequenter of his local pub. And it is in London. He's a big face in the local pub there. And he goes there all the time. And he said at one point, the landlord opened up on Christmas Day for a few hours for the locals.

And a load of dodgy people. I don't really know what their provenance was, but a load of kind of wrong-ins came in. They'd never seen them before and basically took over the bar and essentially intimidated the landlord so he couldn't close.

And then when all the locals had gone, they tied the landlord up out the back and just helped themselves to beers until they finished. And basically,

the guy was just tied up until someone kind of found, tried to find out what happened to him until he got released. Awful, awful story. So, you know, you do find these people in London. You can find them, and I'm sure in all big cities as well.

Yeah, I mean, I almost sort of look at that and sort of go, I was tied up, you untied me. Gentlemen, gentlemen beer robbers of London. Are they gentlemen? Well, they didn't steal the money, I guess. I didn't say that. I don't know if they did or not. I mean,

I'm presumably, if that's their kind of vibe, I don't imagine they'd be above getting their hands in a till as well. Absolutely bizarre. Never open your pub on a Christmas day in London.

If you take no other message than that, that is what you're taking from this show. This has been the Luke and Pete show. If you've got any horrific stories about landlords getting tied up,

let us know. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. You can get us on the socials, get us on the Twitter, get us on the Instagram. Producer Natalie will be looking after that. Luke, have you got anything to, have you got a message

to send the people home with? Look after yourselves and each other. Stay out of the sun, unless you're the kind of person who can handle that. But remember, if you're brown, technically you're already burned. Oh, okay. Fair play.

All right, then. We'll leave it there. See you next time. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network. you you you you you you you you you you you you you