The Luke and Pete Show - It's not always Dad

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

Welcome back to another week in the company of Luke and Pete! We hope you had a lovely weekend. This time around, the LAPS chaps discuss moviemaking, inspired by Luke taking a couple of trips to the cinema. After that, we hear another story involving a listener's parent's specialist DVD collection.In other news, Pete has a problem with his eye which he thinks may have come from him refusing professional make up for a live theatre performance of Wrestle Me, to instead draw all over his face with a Sharpie. Will he ever learn? The answer, of course, is no. To get in touch, we're always here: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

oh it's the luke and peach or it is monday a sixth of a september i nearly said october i'm wishing the entire year away look well look who was with me on looking peach oh hello luke how you doing how's it going i mean the time does go so fast these days anyway that i mean it wouldn't be surprising to wake up tomorrow and it'd be it'd be october baby it's it's it's been a weird old uh summer but as true englishman true british people we are talking about the weather once again or at least i am we're in for a bit of a an indian summer bit of a heat wave this week i know it's exciting i've had to shut the i'm obviously recording this from home today because of other commitments.

And I'm about to shut the window in the room I'm in and I'm a little bit disappointed about it because it's so lovely. But I did, I've started this new tradition where every morning when I'm working from home, I set the alarm for an hour earlier than I usually used to and I go out for a brisk walk. Oh, right, okay.

Does that get the blood flowing i'm just always sleepy around about 11 o'clock literally when we're recording this do you know what do you know what i find it actually the way it actually works it's very much like professional athletes do it and what i do is i get out and start walking quite fast before i've properly woken up so my body doesn't know what's happening oh so you can't stop you're at the bus stop and you're still asleep effectively yeah so before the body even really knows what's happening um i'm already halfway out and i'm as far away from the house as i can be at that point and i have to come back and the body's just got to deal with it and then a cooked breakfast yeah followed by a massive fry no uh but yeah so it's um that so I think that's quite a nice little tradition I'd recommend.

I'd certainly recommend it for you, Mr. Darlinson, because you live in a lovely part of the world now, so you could probably make the most of it. I do, yeah. I mean, I am a little bit concerned that this summer's going to end and I live on the coast now, and I am going to be in a situation where it's just fucking cold all the time, isn't it?

I may be at the coast. I may be enjoying watching those ships coming in and going out on my little app, figuring out where they're going and where they're coming back from. But yeah, I think it's going to be quite chilly this winter, isn't it? That's what winter's for. You've literally adopted the coast,

whereas obviously I was born in it. So you are very much Batman. Yeah, I was born with it too. I'm Bane. Yeah, but I was born with it, then it went away, then came back again. Oh, you were, to be fair, yeah. So, okay, so I was going to say that you are like, I don't know,

some kind of new reality TV show star that's doing, like, a show about the coast. You're that guy who's gone mental on GB News now, Neil Oliver. Oh, right, okay, which one's that one? The guy who did Coast. Neil Oliver. Looks like James Horncastle. Oh, yeah, he does not look like James Horncastle.

He's grown a beard, hasn't he? So what was his kind of background? And I'm Captain Birdseye. Because he's a historian and he... It's always disappointing when men talk like that who are historians, who are doing to continue the long lineage of things getting

done incorrectly. Yeah, but I know a little bit about this these days, i don't think mr oliver to be to have given the greatest respect i don't think he is as qualified as you might think he is all right okay and i think i think the reason i know that is because now he's uh fully adopted the darkness he's used that as he's used that as like a real badge of honour. Yeah, okay. Oh, I'm not actually that clever, so I can be on this show. He attended the University of Glasgow, obtaining an MA on Archaeology.

He's written all this himself. Let's make that very clear. Oh, he's got an MA. Fair enough then, fair enough. I thought I didn't know that. And then it's only one extra year though, isn't it? I could go back and do an MA in something. MMA, fighting.

You signed up to that by accident. I smell a sitcom there, Donaldson. You turn up with your notebook and your pen and you get a slapper across the chops on your first day. Lovely. He then worked as a freelance archaeologist. What exactly is a freelance archaeologist, Luke Moore? Going to a field, little spade on your back.

Want that digging up? Digging a sand cup. Surely that's just like a labourer. That's a day labourer, that is, isn't it? I'm a freelance archaeologist. See you the next day. He's got a whole lot of his back. I've got my own pneumatic drill.

Let me at it. So, by the way, for those listening who can hear this, I'm writing notes on a piece of paper today. I hope our lovely friends who listen to the show don't mind that. The reason I'm doing it is because I write the synopsis for the show every week, and I always forget what we talked about. It's always the way, though. Yeah, so I'll be right down today.

And you forget what good bits are and what bad bits are. I do the one with Abroad in Japan. It doesn't matter whether I write long ones, short ones, or nearly nothing at all. Same amount of people listen. Who's the fool? Me? It's me again, guys. To be fair, it is normally

you. I've got some news, Pete. You've probably picked up on it and I think our listeners will enjoy hearing about this. I've started saying sweet beans a lot. Sweet beans. I think that's one of mine. It is one of yours. about this. I've started saying sweet beans a lot. Sweet beans. I think that's one of mine. It is one of yours.

That's why I've started it. It's an homage. Sweet beans. Because you kind of change up your vernacular quite often. Yeah. When people sort of twig that you're using something above everything else, like off the dome piece, et cetera. Yeah.

But you kind of switch over. But you're always quick at switching over, and you've got like a real database of little sayings here and there. And I'm always quite enamored as an occasional broadcaster myself that you've got so much variety and texture. I'm a thief. That's your language. I'm a thief.

And you're a magpie. It's really kind of you to say that, and I appreciate it. While we're complimenting each other, I think you've got a lovely face. Lovely face. No, I think what I do almost unconsciously is I hear things that I think are funny or that I like, and I just steal them.

Yeah. It's proper theft every single week. It's proper theft. It's proper theft it's proper theft um i i don't have a lovely face at the moment because i've actually got a can you see this like a weird lump in my eye here it's a stye is it it started off as a stye and then after some probing it's been upgraded to just a massive lump in my eye um you gotta've got to be careful with eyes, haven't you? You reach a little spider's nest. And you've got to be kind of careful with eye stuff, don't you?

You see, I drove past Moorfields Eye Hospital yesterday. I thought, I wonder if they could just get rid of a stye, just give it a pop or something. Just get pop in and pop it off. Did you think just by driving past it, you'd be better? I think so, yeah. You'd get better. A lot of people probably believe that sort of caper,

if you just feel healing stones and all that stuff. I think if you sat down and thought to yourself, what parts of the physical body do I 100% definitely need? Yeah. I's going to be probably top. It's up there. And that's what should concern you what i'm saying is kids if you have got some contact lenses you bought about three years ago

off the internet and you have just left a couple of them in the bottom of your dirty bag it's got all dusty and disgusting don't put them in your eyes i mean that's my that's my only don't put stuff at the bottom of your bag it's all filthy covered in grot and sand and nonsense don't put them in your eyes. I mean, that's my only... Don't put stuff at the bottom of your bag. It's all filthy, covered in grot and sand and nonsense. Don't put them in your eye. Don't put... Keep them away from your eye. You bought a pair of contact lenses off the internet. Turned out they were coasters.

You can't see anything. That's what's happened to it. I kind of thought you were going to say that you'd mucked around with some makeup for the Wrestle Me live show and it got in your eye or something. Well, you'll notice that my little moustache and soul patch combo is a lot thicker and darker than usual.

That's because I eschew the common kind of clown makeup that your normal actors would use on stage. I just go straight for the sharpie and I couldn't get it out of my beard, to be honest. But it did quite resemble Jimmy Mouth of the South. Yeah, I enjoyed the video. For those who haven't seen that, obviously, and those who don't know, of whom I'm sure there are none, but just in case,

Pete does another show with Mark Cain's called Wrestle Me, and they had a live show at the London Podcast Festival, and you come out as Jimmy Mouth of the South Heart. And who was Mark? Mark was Big Boss Man. Oh, that's right. He looked great. He did look great.

He's got that lovely goatee beard. His hair's a little longer than Big Boss Man, but in any way he looked like a really disappointing stripper. Like proper Magic Mike parochial church hall kind of performance. Listen, as long as he wasn't serving hard time, I'm fine with that. I'm absolutely fine with that. Such a camp theme. So, Pete, I heard that you had an absolutely lovely time

at the London Podcast Festival, and you really enjoyed the event as well. I did. I enjoyed the people. Yeah. The smells, the sights, and the sounds. What else were you doing this weekend

I mean mainly that to be honest I was helping out Clash of the Titans as well one of our other stack shows that pitched two pitched two

movies against each other they were doing Ninja Turtle the Ninja Turtle movie from the late 80s and Howard the Duck do you remember Howard the Duck Luke

I do remember it it was like a really adult kind of like swing and a miss in many ways of just this kind of like swearing, sexually charged duck. Yeah, it was George Lucas. Yeah, so I'm a fan of Clash of the Titles. I love the guys and I love the show. And whenever I see or hear what film they're doing,

I tend to listen more when it's a film or a couple of films that I know well. And I really used to love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film as a kid. For some reason, I was obsessed with Casey Jones, the ice hockey mask-wearing... Definitely the coolest part of the film. He was just cool, right? Didn't he have a cricket bat? He had a cricket bat, didn't he? He had a bag with loads of different weapons that are all sports implements.

And he looked a little bit like Buffalo Bill from... Same actor, no? No, is it? No, surely not. Buffalo Bill is a classic character. Classic character. A real-life character as well, I believe. Anyway, but I couldn't really remember Howard the Duck. I googled it and found some really weird

behind the scenes photos of Howard and I think it was one of those things where they tried to make it ostensibly looks like a kids film but it's actually really raunchy and weird as far as I remember it massively flopped but I haven't listened to that I don't know if they're going to release that episode

if they do I'll listen to it and see what their verdict is the funny thing is that, obviously, Howard the Duck is romancing women, the mum out of Back to the Future, in fact. She's had a funny time of it. She's had a funny time of it. So I think both films were released in the same year, I think, and one was trying to sleep with her son, and the other film was trying to sleep with her son yeah and the other film was trying to sleep with the ducks but the weirdest thing is the creepiest thing is um when this duck is climbing

on her um that's that's a 13 year old child in there that's a 13 year old child in there it's not right it's just not right when you start to think about it. But speaking of movies, Luke, you've been back and forth to the cinema a couple of times, haven't you? Well, the West Norwood Picture House is open for business again. Nice. It's a nice cinema. A few question marks around some of the ways that the cinema is run, apparently.

Right, right. I haven't delved into that too deeply chiefly because and if anyone listening is also in the same boat as me on this they'll know what i mean it's very seductive having a cinema and under five minute walk from your house it is yeah and your ethics do go out the window when you've either got trip to the multiplex or trip to um a smaller one we can have a glass of wine yeah and that will that that's what wins over for me. So there's a great – I mean, obviously, I don't want to libel a company on this show,

so I can't really go into detail. But there is a little seating area there. There's a library. There's a bar. There's a mini restaurant. It's great. It is great. And the best thing is that – you know what London is like?

It's 45 minutes to go anywhere in london so to have like a five minute walk home which is an amazing thing so anyway we've been members of the picture house since it opened and obviously it closed for a long time due to covid um and but in the last couple of weeks i've been there to see the people just do nothing movie which i enjoyed um which i need to get your take on because you're a japanese you're a japanophile yeah it looked from the out from the outside it looked like one of those classic kind of we've run out of ideas so let's have um is it tom remember when tom green did the uh japanese subway monkey hour where he just saw i roll around the

floor in the middle of shibuya Station or whatever. I do remember that. It does, and like, you know, jackass in Japan. It's always like those kind of, you've run out of stuff, let's take them to the weird, perverted world that is Japan. But I've heard that it's actually quite, you know, responsible, quite funny. Yeah, so I think the reason, I wouldn't profess to be an expert in Japanese culture.

So look, this is just a layman saying this, but the reason I think, I think I am kind of reasonably sensitive to what is acceptable in 2021 and what isn't. And I say reasonably, Pete, because no doubt you'll probably disagree. But the idea being, I think, that with that particular movie,

that the whole premise of people just do nothing and corrupt FM is that they're always the butt of the joke right so they're completely deluded so if they have like a big whether it's through the series or in the movie itself they have like a a set piece gag or something funny happens invariably they're the butt of the joke right so it doesn't actually really go there to poke fun at japanese culture it's kind of look at these guys who are already completely clueless be even more clues because they're so out of their comfort zone they have no idea what to expect like the only thing i would say is that um and i i actually really

love people just do nothing not just because i think it's a great show but just because i spent five years living sorry working in brentford where they're from and they're so authentic and everything is shot in brentford they clearly love the area they also love the music that they kind of lampoon they're genuinely really good and there's also i mean going back to what we were saying just on off air earlier pete and maybe people will roll their eyes at this but far too often in media the people who achieve the people whether it's in comedy or drama or whatever, are just posh, wealthy people. And I do think the guys who do People Just Do Nothing are authentic. They're working class lads.

They're funny. They came up doing YouTube videos. They were friends at college. They're just normal people. And it's really good to see them do well. And even though I don't know them or anything, I've never met any of them, I just feel quite weirdly, like from a distance, proud of what they've been able to do. And so I'm probably just coloured by the fact that I want to see them do well.

So I'm obviously going to have a sympathetic view of the movie. I enjoyed the movie anyway. I thought it was funny. I thought it did suffer a little bit from that kind of, let's just take these people that, how would I put it? So Peteete remember when you interviewed amanda yannucci and you were talking about partridge and talking about one of the great and i thought it was a really astute question you spoke you asked and yannucci where

you said you asked him if when they do new things like they make a partridge movie are they aware of the fact that he works in well and works best in really small confined spaces and if you take him out of those confined spaces he kind of seems a bit weird you remember that yeah yeah and you knew she was like yeah we thought about that that's what we made the whole movie alpha papa about a siege and all the rest of it i do feel like this movie suffered a little bit from them being like having the whole world do you know what i mean because brentford is almost so such a big part of the show that it's almost a character in its own right so that felt a a bit odd. But once I got used to that, it was kind of,

it was a bit safer than usual, which you'd expect, I suppose, but it was cool. I think that film 20 years ago would just be, we're off to Japan. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, exactly. Shot with them going, oh, my God, around, you know, schoolgirl pants on their heads and, you know,

walking around Shibuya Station and stuff. Yeah. Oh, celery-flavoured Coke. Yeah, you've got to be careful. Oh careful oh no there's a crab with eyes it's moving and we're eating it like all that shit um you you thought that but so i think nowadays you have to be a hell of a lot more responsible but um yeah i'm i've never seen any uh amounts of of that tv show but the clips that i've seen i've enjoyed i very I very much enjoyed the Chabuddy G. Is that the guy? Yeah.

Big guy. Just walkers adverts and BA. He does the BA in flight safety video, which is so funny when I first saw that. And he's like,

and he was sort of saying that like, he was, he was criticized in the Guardian or whatever for, you know, doing a,

you know, stereotypical accent accent it's like that's my fucking dad's accent yeah he said that yeah he's literally myself the entire character is based on my dad and a couple of my uncles so i imagine he probably knows more about it than the fucking newspaper thing but i am yeah i i know i don't want to be kind of too class warrior about it because i know it's a bit boring for people and then perhaps people listening to this to this show from from not from the uk probably won't won't vibe with it but you know it is true to say that the media is terrible for that media is like the class system

in media is so bad and i don't personally feel like we've ever had a problem with it because you and i've done okay and we you know whatever but it's just refreshing dirt dirt dirt places football wrestling yeah it's true. Yeah, true. But the thing is, though, Pete, you would have, I mean, there's a reason that, for example, I don't want to get into it because it's boring. But anyway, the point is that I actually saw a couple of them. So Alan Mustafa and Steve Stamp, who play Grindr and Steve's

in the show, we were at the British Podcast Awards and they were there and they obviously won a lot of things. And the fact that they were there and they stayed there the whole time and they were really cool and they seemed really happy to be there, they just seemed like enjoying the ride, having a great time, doing what they do best and doing it really well. And they deserve to be rewarded for it. And I'm really, really pleased for how well they've done

because you just don't see it happen that often. And that's sad. You know, it's a sad thing. So the fact that they're an exception that proves the rule is a bit of a shame, but good on them, I say. I would say more power to their elbow. And they're working on another show at the moment, I think, set in the 80s.

I think it might be a comedy drama type thing with Tom Davis, the big guy who does all that comedy stuff. Yes, okay, yeah, right. So who knows what they'll be doing next. But I saw that. And anyway, I also saw, very quickly, i also saw very quickly i also saw that shang chi film right yes okay marvel movie because obviously my wife the wife i have access to is obsessed with marvel and that was good as well i enjoyed that i mean i don't know if that was pretty i mean presumably

it's got a lot of plaudits for being so i don't know how faithful that was to chinese culture and chinese law and stuff but um it seemed to be and it was it was i mean the best i can say is that almost all the main characters that were actually chinese which is a cool thing um so it was i really enjoyed that i thought it was a really good kind of you know what you're going to get with the marvel movie it's not like it you know an amazing plot twist that made me reassess my life but it was lots of fun well i we've spoken about this before but a lot of big budget big um uh studio movies these days get an extra act jammed in for the chinese market the emerging chinese market it's not even emerging it's just the biggest it's the biggest territory

so i wonder i wonder if what they're gonna do with this one just make it longer yeah would you reckon they would have to no i don No. They'd probably have to be careful about how they represented Chinese history, I suppose, which most films are these days. You know, the Top Gun removing the Taiwan badge and all that stuff. The main guy, I think, out of Shang-Chi, I'm unfamiliar with the character. I don't know much about Marvel at all. And I've barely watched any of their films even. I don't know much about Marvel at all.

And I've barely watched any of their films even. But the main guy apparently used to be one of those Getty Image kind of stock photo models. Oh, did he? So there's loads of shots this morning. Someone sort of discovered this. And he's just doing all these poses and stuff in the boardroom. It's like a director of a company. Yeah, it's funny. I bet he's fuming about that. It's funny because I of a company. Yeah, it's funny.

I bet he's fuming about that. It's funny because I know he's done some, so you talk about Simu Liu, I think his name is. Right, okay. And he's done a fair amount of TV, but it's kind of mad that apart from the fact that he was an extra back in 2013 in Pacific Rim, I think Shang-Chi is only a second ever film.

I like that a lot. Got a lot of time for that. And imagine how, and we were talking, I was talking to someone, there's a show we're, a stack of making in production at the moment, it's a fictional film, a fictional show. And as a result, obviously,

it's got quite a few actors in it. And I was talking to one of the actors and he's been in quite a few things um you'd probably you'd probably recognize i don't want to name him because it wouldn't be fair but you probably recognize him a couple of bits and he was saying like acting now it can be depending on what project you're on can be completely different because i just don't a lot of time i just don't go places they don't need to so i can so as in like when you when you're acting what he was using example that stone sandstage he was yeah he was using an example that like there's a lot of green screen work,

a lot of ADR stuff I think it's called, where you do the additional dialogue recording afterwards. Yeah. So it's a completely different thing. So, for example, I don't know, he didn't use this example, but a great example would be, I suppose, like famously back when Goldman The Wind was made, which is obviously a hugely problematic film for lots of different reasons.

But when talking about the Wind was made, which is obviously a hugely problematic film for lots of different reasons. But when talking about the particular production itself, when they did that famous scene where the whole village burns, they spent weeks setting up the village and then they actually burnt it. And actually burned it. Yeah. So obviously I don't do that now. So I think it obviously, maybe it with um lord of the rings where people

i think get confused about what parts of it are actually being filmed in new zealand what parts of it are being filmed green screen because it's obviously blurred and you know it's obviously credit to how good the films are that it's kind of blurred and you can't really tell when one stops and the other starts i don't know if the future is going to be they're going to do an awful lot more of that so it's i guess what I'm saying is that makes the challenge of acting quite different, right? Oh, these kind of like libraries of footage and backgrounds and you can have this situation where like they don't even use green screen anymore. There's this big kind of like spherical screen effectively

that completely inverts, completely wraps around the actors as they're acting. And then the camera is uh you know gyroscopically balanced and and kind of um the computer knows exactly where it is what it's pointing out where it's going what it's focusing on and so therefore uh it will project very much like if you sort of take the camera as like a vr headset it will project where the camera is looking like right like on the actual um sphere itself so you so the the actors can be in the scene and it looks completely the same as uh as what you would get on a green screen what you would get in a composite

thing but the actors can kind of see where they are and they get a better performance out of them so that's going to be interesting to see how far that technology can go. These massive high-definition spherical screens that can adjust to where you're filming and stuff like that. It's fascinating. I mean, I didn't understand much of that. Just basically making a big digital set that you don't have to build and burn down.

Does that mean even you and I could just make a movie? We could make a, I mean, we could make a movie. No, it was just going to be very good, Luke. I do,

I was watching, for some reason, I'm watching the TV show Schitt's Creek. Very good, very relaxed kind of watch and, you know, important in certain ways. And I was watching the,

you know, even the smallest kind of like lowliest production uses, you know, digital Hollywood techniques. like lowliest production uses you know digital hollywood techniques like so they're outside it's a christmas um show that would probably be filmed in like august so everyone's got their big coats on and they've covered the set in snow and then they have that digital um uh kind of uh warm uh vapor breath coming out of the actors and stuff and it never looks good it's so difficult to get right that sort of thing and so much of films obviously aren't filmed at that time of year so they can't

make the the set cold they can't do like what they did in like horror movies in the 70s just make one room really really yeah the exorcist did that they refrigerated an entire room yeah so so now they just add they just got loads of alpha channeledanneled breath animations and they just put them on the actors and they move them as the actors move and as they do the P's and the T's and the D's, they make them come out at a higher velocity. It's all digital. You can always tell when it's done badly. It really looks good, that sort of thing.

There's still some way to go, I think. It's always around the fringes rather than the main thing itself there's always those little kind of touches that kind of take you out of stuff a little bit oh there's a whole like it's a whole like blogging community like internet community around people looking for errors and that kind of stuff anyway but but um it's with shang chi i wonder because you know if you watch jurassic park now it still looks pretty good and i think it's because they did like a they did like a variation of like puppetry and cgi and all the rest of it but there's a lot of movies that have had big budgets since jurassic park still look do look quite shit now but i think it's quite i mean this might be naive me to say but it's quite difficult

to imagine something like shang chi looking bad in like 10 years' time. I mean, it's incredible how good it looks. I have no idea how they filmed hardly any of it, really. It's crazy. Getting on set. Getting on set. I don't know how we're going to do this. Yeah, it's an amazing thing, though. It's like an amazing...

I understand it like at a very basic level. Someone who's never made a podcast before will go into our studio and be like, well, how does this fucking work? Obviously, that's in nature. But to get it to look so good. And listen, if it's a Marvel movie, you always watch to the end of the credits because there's always a little scene at the end,

which I personally find a little bit obnoxious, but there we go. At least what it does do is it gives you an appreciation for exactly the amount of people working on those movies. It's ridiculous. There's thousands of people, literally. So there you go. I don't know. We'll jump to a break very, very, very, very briefly,

very, very shortly. But it just always makes me giggle. Like, why have they never done like a... Because cinema's all about rags to riches, kind of the underdog stories, and with a dose of reality. Why has nobody ever just handed over a script and $50 million to someone who's never directed, doesn't really watch a lot of films, and I'd like to put my hat in the ring for that.

Just create the world's worst film just because a man just has no idea about the limitations or the creativity one could have behind it. Didn't that guy make a career doing that? Didn't he make that movie The Room and it's become like a cult classic? Yeah, but he clearly had some chops, you know what I mean? He clearly knew kind of what he was doing and he still made a terrible film. So look, maybe they should just be a,

they should hand over 20 million, 30 million to an idiot. I'm happy to not even make the film, to be honest. I just have the 20 million. All right, let's have a break because we're way over time. We'll come back and we'll squeeze an email in because there is Pete, it's late 20 minutes here now. I know. It's 25, 26 minutes.

I enjoy it. All right, cool. See you in a minute. It's transfer deadline day. Ashwood City are drifting under manager Sven-Joran Eriksson and chief executive Patrick Norland is willing to do whatever it takes to turn things round. Look, it's just for a season or two.

We get them really cheap, 10% of what they're worth in some cases and, I mean, the sponsors it would attract as well as the cachet. Patrick Nolan, MBE, stop talking. This is a fucking Tevez and Mascherano player heist, pal. In the award-winning football mockumentary, The Offensive,

the thick of it meets the Premier League and things are about to reach breaking point in the boardroom. That's the rules, Woody. Oh, so now we like the rules, do we? Woody, you can't just move a piece and make up how to play. Oh, you don't get to tell me what I can and can't do. No, move that back.

Fucking get off. Don't touch my pieces. You're cheating. You're cheating. Cheating. That's an invasion of my pieces, that. You're cheating. Stop fingering my bishop. Oh, for God's sake. It's not... Oh. Start your Ashwood City journey

and listen to The Offensive wherever you get your podcasts. The Offensive is a Stack production. It's the Luke and Pete show, and we're back for literally one email and three minutes of content. We've managed to... We've jumped the shark loop. This is the longest we've ever gone on, drawn down about nothing

before we get to your emails but don't worry Thursday's show is full of grace Thursday's show is full of emails you don't know that we haven't made it yet

no we haven't made it yet okay I'll give you a choice do you want an email about a listener's parent porn collection yes please that one yep that one

okay I thought you might no need to prerogate or chat about that let's just get involved. Okay, so I'll read it because the person wants to be kept anonymous. Okay. And I can say it's a he. He says, please don't mention my surname due to the obviously mortifying nature of this email.

I'm going to go one better than that. I'm not even going to mention your first name. You are safe with us, chiefly because I'm reading email out and not peter he says on a recent episode you mentioned how have you ever happened i mentioned if you ever happened to stumble upon a stash of pornography in the house you would always assume that it belonged to your dad one year when i was around 15 or 16 i was snooping around the house when it was empty it was coming up to a birthday or christmas i can't remember which but i was looking for presents in the back of the wardrobe i found an old shoe box that seemed a little bit too heavy upon removing the lid i found a stash of around 60 to 70 burnt dvds with titles handwritten on

the front in pen the highlights of which include and i quote two dicks one chick and back door sluts nine which is forever burnt into my retina just the next one as you said you would always assume this was your dad's stash however i come from a single parent only child household it's just me and my mum the only conclusion i could unfortunately draw was it was my mum's collection. I'm not even going to read what he said about his own mother there, because I think that's disrespectful. He said absolute fiend. He described her as an absolute fiend. Look, great

collection, 60 to 70 bird DVDs. That is by anyone's serious collector. That's a full weekend, isn't it? That is a full weekend. It's a serious collector. You do love to see it i mean i'd love to see uh a shoebox full of dvds but i'd also love to see you know the the liberation of mom so it's a it's an it's an it's a it's a an often under mentioned idea that we said

it didn't we we predicted it when we said it a few weeks ago yeah always gonna say you talked about your dad with his special cupboard with the key and i said people are always going to assume it's their dad's collection but it might not always be the case and never and what's happened lo and behold someone's emailed in confirming that suspicion what i like about it when you were off a few weeks ago luke i sent a microphone and headphone and webcam uh set to my my dad to record a Luke and Pete show. So I thought I'd be a fun guest. And he just mugged me off. He said yes to it.

And then at the last minute, well, not in the last minute, he just sort of said, no, I don't feel comfortable doing this. And instead, what's happened is I've exposed him as a porno fan and talked about his pornography collection on this podcast. So look, he's already got himself to blame in many ways. I'm not surprised he doesn't want to front up. He's probably listened to an episode in preparation and gone, well, fuck that. I hate doing that.

I would teach him. I think it's really important that we expose the lies of modern life for what they are, Peter. Indeed. The fact that in the 90s, it was just dads watching porn is clearly incorrect. Yeah.

And the world's a better place for it. Equal opportunities, I say. Thanks for your message, Steve, or Paul, or whoever it was. I actually can't remember his name because I deleted it out because we shared the document and I knew that you were given half a chance to actually say it. Yeah, you wrote, to be kept anonymous, Peter, and wrote a non at the end.

So well done you, Luke. I don't believe in making extra work for myself by having to go back and boot camp. That's what I've already said. So that's why. I think that, to be fair, that is a fitting email to squeeze in. Oh, it's the backdoor sluts nine of podcast emails. It really is.

I'm surprised your dad doesn't want to be on this show. Really surprised. He's not a backdoor slut. That's what I've heard. it really is i'm surprised your dad doesn't want to be on this show do you think your dad um sees does your dad support your career choice or does he not really care does he not really get it i've said it before he used to when i was on national radio he would send me documentaries on radio 4 that was on at the exact same time as my radio show so he has no interest or you know love, love for what I do. It's just fine, absolutely fine. It became clear. And my dad is very proud of it.

I'm very, very fortunate because my parents would have been proud of whatever I wanted to do, you know, and they didn't push me to do anything I didn't want to do and they were kind of cool always. That's why your 20s were like they were. Exactly. That's why I had an absolute nightmare, yeah, and still am. No, but – and so it's not like I don't care,

but my dad about, I think I went down for Father's Day, made a barbecue or something. And he, and it became quite clear quite quickly that he, he thought I still just talk about football every day. Right. Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's definitely the situation.

My dad probably thinks I'm still on the radio to be quite frank. Right. I think my parents were really happy when I had that show on TalkSport for a bit and they listened to it about two or three weeks. That's the thing, the legitimacy of conventional broadcasting, I think it really hits home with parents.

The podcast can't really get their head around, to be honest. My mum did say to me that um the show that i did on talk wasn't the same when danny kelly left which i completely agree with and i was and that was one of the biggest bunk beds i had as well yeah it was disappointing to hear that from from my mum so because it was your show after that wasn't it really well so would so yeah kind of yeah yeah you know that scene in The Thick of It where he's talking about Johnny Vaughan and Denise Van Houten hosting the breakfast.

Right. And everyone really loved it. And then he says, he uses it as an insult. He says, right, and now this is like season 19 and the tea lady's presenting it and no one knows who they are and everyone's turned off. Basically, that was what I was on talks for.

Anyway, let's get out of here. We're back on thursday won't we peter we will enjoy us endure us on the twitter we are at luke and peach show you can also get us on instagram as well uh luke and peach show but do drop us an email hello at luke and peach show.com uh if you found anything uh savory or unsavory in mama's cupboard uh let us know. And we'll be back on Thursday. See you later. Ta-ta. Bye. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production

and part of the ACAST Creator Network.