The Luke and Pete Show - Jesus and his mitre saw

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Today on the show, Pete’s getting a little too obsessed with his mitre saw, feeling all powerful like…hold up, Jesus? Are we hearing that right?The lads dive deep into another Jesus convo, but this time, they’re brainstorming how he could really stamp out any doubt about his existence. Could he pull a Taylor Swift on us and pop up at a gig? Or bless his disciples with 12 shiny new treadmills? Maybe he could show us the wonders of a Nectar card or even unveil a car with a mystical twist? The possibilities are endless!Plus, Luke opens up about a personal low point of the week: being utterly shamed by a delivery driver. It’s a wild ride, as always.Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete Show, it is Monday the 18th November, I am Pete Donaldson, I'm joined by Mr. Lukey Miller. Lukey, how the devil are you doing my friend? I'm good thanks, not too bad. I feel like I should give people a little peek behind the curtain and say to them that for the last seven or eight recordings we've done you've had someone coming to your house. There's just always somebody coming to my house your house all the time Just got a lot of things on to me. I don't have time to fix things anymore

So I've got to get bigger boys to come around and they just did what's being fixed now Just a lot of bloody stuff for crying out loud. Amy Maitre's saws going well I have chopped up three no four bits of wood for some fence out the front I've created a new two new fence posts using the mitre saw and from a distance, you wouldn't even know they weren't the same ones that I replaced, from a distance. How, what kind of distance? Well, the problem is, like it says it's 45 degrees, the old mitre saw, but I can't help

but think. Remember we did that, remember we did that little, was it? It was at Twitter HQ wasn't it? When it was still Twitter. We did that little thing. I was ditched out by not telling them how to do a speech to all those people. Yeah, well I don't think that was part of my brief, to brief you. Brief yourself. And I brought a bit of wood. I've used that bit of wood as a bit of fence. Oh really? The podcast maker? I've used that bit of wood as a bit of fence and I've cut it up with a mitre saw. The podcast maker. I planned off the word podcast maker and now it's part of my fence. That is very eco-friendly of you Peter.

It is indeed, yeah. I mean now I don't have a podcast maker, I'm going to have to resign. I'm very much enjoying the speed, the ear splitting noise, the mitre sawing. What are you doing with this mitre sawing in the garage? In the garage yeah, it makes a real big mess, but it's just like you want a piece of wood chopped in half really quickly, done, absolutely done. Does the partner you have access to have access to yet? She's not seen it, she's not even seen the mitre saw, to be honest. She doesn't even know it exists. I just go in the shed, you hear an ear-splitting noise and

like Jesus, I have broken the wood. And it's in two. She hears the ear-splitting noise. You come out again, she goes, well that could have been worse. He's not bleeding. He's not bleeding visually. It's not a biblical verse to say, like Jesus I broke the wood. Broke the wood yeah it's a miracle. Sorry if like if Jesus said guys I've been working on a new miracle check this fucker out and then he goes into a cave all you hear is shOOT and he comes out and the piece of wood is in two and it is perfectly cut do you not think the people would be like it's a miracle where once they already know he's a carpenter so they probably think he's a really good carpenter

it's a good point I forgot about the whole carpenter thing yeah I try I try again I try to get Marcus involved and interested in the whole the story of Jesus ascending to heaven isn't as well publicized as the whole crucifix thing. For a man who likes Jesus he doesn't want to talk about it with me because he always thinks I'm taking the mick and I'm not. I need answers Luke. I need answers for crying out loud. would have gave you the answers last week yeah I know but I don't trust you you're not a man of God. Peter what miracle would Jesus have to have performed for you to be a believer? What's really difficult? Parallel parking

if Jesus did, if Jesus, cars haven't been invented either exactly exactly you'd have to invent the car would they have chariots back then? would they have a cart horse? they would have had the wheels If Jesus did... If Jesus... Cars haven't even been invented either. Exactly, exactly. You'd have to invent a car. Or the chariot. Would they have chariots back then? Would they have a car's horse? They would have had the wheels surely. They could have had chariots back then. This Roman Empire was around then, wasn't it? Yeah.

Right, okay. Yeah, I mean... A lot of this is maybe, isn't there? My take would just be that... He's the son of... I don't want to blaspheme this. I know we've actually got Christian listeners to this show and some of them have been in touch with me, so I mean this with

love but I'm just putting it out there as perhaps a theological question. Don't we have a priest? Or a vicar? Don't we have a vicar? Probably. Yeah, probably. If he's the son of God, he can argue, I mean, and he's already doing stuff that isn't possible to us mortal men. Whether it's your water's into wines, your feed in the 5000s, whatever.

He could do anything. I would think it would be a real headline thing. Just bring a car down. What? It's a car? If you think about the context, it doesn't even need to be a good car. Right, oh, so you could bring like a Lada down and go, this or... What was the one? You don't think anything about that because you've got no concept of what that is. Do you know what this is? This is a Yugo. This was the Yugoslavian Lada

and it was popular for five years. Whips out is a... Whips is kind of loincloth around. That's disrespectful. What's that? It's got a Ne to card in there. And people people are expecting it. People know what? And what is that? What is that plastic? It's like, how do you make that? A loyalty program has never really even been thought about.

You're like, how have you made that? Was was what is this fabric? It's almost like a shiny, hard fabric. It's got plastic. Not only that as well. How did you make the plastic? Oh, it's out of dinosaurs. Don't exist, mate. Don't exist. And you look at it closely and you think, he's actually used that. Mmm, yeah.

So not only has he got a loyalty card there, he knows where to take it and what to use it for. He signed that. That to me is something that's going to really mark him out. I just think there's a lot of room for doubt in the Jesus story. And that would allay a lot of those fears that some people have got who aren't believers. Huel. Yeah, great shout. Big, if Jesus was huffing a litre bottle of Huel. He never seems to eat, he just drinks

this liquid. He's like, yep. Funny. Funny that. It's a complete myth. Funny that, innit? I've traveled to the year 2008 and I'm having some humoral. He says to his disciples, right, do you guys fancy going for a run with me tomorrow morning? Right. And they go, yeah, all right, cool, sounds good. Because people probably ran around, right? There wasn't that much going on, so people probably ran around.

When they turn up at his house, bang, treadmill. Right, okay, that's how I get my carbs so strong. 12 treadmills, 13 actually, 12 disciples in him, 13 treadmills. Right, looks like an OK Go video. Amazing. Then plays OK Go. Then plays OK Go. I was listening to Fountains of Wayne this week, because the lead singer died of Covid didn't they? He did.

It's mad that, innit? The Wi-Fi I have access to, the Wi-Fi I have access to insists, probably fairly, that any time Fountains of Wayne comes on the old shuffle, which it does a lot because I'm a fan of their music, I always tell her that the lead singer died in Covid. That's proper dad vibes though, isn't it? It is, yeah. There was a meme going around of whenever the Pogues are on the radio,

dads just always talk about how Casey McColl and the Jetski or the Speedboat, whatever it was. I would say that their debut with Radiation Vibe on it and Survival Car and stuff, one of the best pop albums ever, I think. I think it's absolutely amazing. They are, I mean, the Adam Schlesinger died is really really fucking sad yeah, and because he was only in his early 50s and like he should have put in a lot more to give and but the Yeah, I totally agree. I totally agree. I think they're an amazing band. They've got a Record a best of record called out of state place, which is fucking amazing. Hmm It's just here after it's just it's just I mean I'm not saying here after here after here because I don't know if they had that many hits but the level of quality of the song craft is fucking amazing.

That's what Jesus should have done. Bring out a pop star and go, here's Taylor Swift. What are you going to do about it? I wouldn't do Swift. I don't think you even need to go that far. Right. So you'd make do with a peri? Yeah, big time. I'd be happy with a peri. Bite your hand off for a peri. But I just think that also, do you think there's an element with Fountains of Wayne that they've been almost pigeonholed as a bit of a kind of novelty band because of Stacey's mom. Stacey's mom, yeah. I think they got tainted with the... Who's the ones who...

Not Nerf Herder. Who's the one who's got a really, really big guitarist, bald bloke, who sang... Bowling for Soup. Bowling for Soup. How do I read these runes every week? I managed to do it, I don't know how. I think that's absolutely fine, because they had a silly... what was their big silly song?

Erm... I'm wearing the dark, I don't remember. Da da da da da da da da da da da She's watching wrestling, creaming over tough guys, listening to rap metal. The girl the bad guys want. The girl all the bad guys want. It's the girl all the bad guys want band really, isn't it? It's one of those bands that get titted by that. That is one of their songs, that is their song, that's not a cover is it?

No, no that's not a cover. So I agree with you on the fact that Wayne we can definitely agree, welcome Interstate managers, the first record with Radiation Vibe on it, which me and the lads do in the studio occasionally. Do you? Do you do Radiation Vibe? Can I get a recording? I'd very much like that. I'll send you one if I have a chance. Yes please. I get a real

kick out of hearing talented musicians and some non-talented musicians, so don't put yourself down, doing covers of stuff I like. because not necessarily the greatest example of something I like but oh the girl who did Espresso, that one, she got another song and they basically this prog band took the other big hit of that woman, they took a big hit and basically they sat down with it for like a couple of hours and they were kind of familiar with it because it's been on the radio stuff I they certainly knew who she was anyway, and They just sat down and just sort of played this funky version of it Just off the top of their head because they just know you know that and I love watching is it drumming or?

There's a YouTube channel slash drumming and you just watch these jazz Have you seen the one with the jazz drummer does enter Sandman monsters? Monsters, yeah, and they've never heard Enter Sandman, which is inexplicable. They get to listen through it once. Without the drums. They get to play it. They get to listen to it once without the drums. No, they listen to the whole song,

then they play it again. Oh no, no, so there's different ones. So sometimes they don't have the drum track, they just hear the music. They just hear the music without the drums, and they sort of imagine what it's got. So sometimes you'll just hear them do Mr like Mr. Brightside it doesn't sound anything like the drum line but obviously it sounds better because

they're fucking like jasmine acts and stuff but yeah I love watching talented drummers on drum your playing songs they've never heard so the girl sorry the guy who I who plays drums in the little in the band I muck around with, he's like a proper... so he's drummed for funk bands and jazz bands and stuff like that, so he is amazing. And he's really into that scene. He'll go to those kind of drum workshops and festivals of drumming and stuff like that. But have you ever seen the Drumeo video of the drummer from Sleep Token? Do you know Sleep Token?

No, I don't know. So Sleep Token are a pretty, first of all, it's an amazing name for a band, right? I think they're from the Midlands, maybe. Or they might be from London. But they are like an anonymous, like prog, I'd say they're probably prog metal band. Right.

So no one knows who any of them are. And so they appear with marks on, they've got pseudonyms and the lead singer I think goes through lots of different characters for each album. So he comes back as a different kind of character. Nice, okay, right. Anyway, the point being the drummer from Sleep Token, I think his name is just called Two, he does a drum session with Drumeo and it's also accompanied by an interview but because he doesn't want anyone to know who he

is and I think there's rumors that like they are in their own right maybe famous people for other things. It'll be Josh Freese, it's always Josh Freese. Anyway, he's insisting on doing this interview with his mask on but with a voice distorter. Do you know what it sounds a bit like? It sounds a bit like they used to have to do voices for Gerry Adams. I do think that's a lovely thing to do. A good idea. If you have any inkling that your band is thing to do. A good idea.

If you have any inkling that your band's gonna be absolutely fucking massive, just start Wes Balland-ing it. I mean, Wes Balland's a good looking guy anyway. I'm 100% convinced that Wes Balland did that because he's embarrassed by Fred Durst's behaviour. But you don't think that it's such a good idea because you never age. It's like Kiss, you never age. You can change looks whenever you fancy, you can walk down the street, you get all the money, presumably all of the drugs and all of the women you

can handle, but at the end of the day you can go home and have just a normal life and walk down the street and nobody really cares what you look like. But if you're, you know. I see it also adds to the myth, I think it's a much better idea. Yeah, massively, such a good idea. So my mum really got me into David Bowie and she's like obsessed with Bowie, she loves him and she said that like one of the big attractions about loving him was, you know, because of the context of modern music is that it's just impossible to imagine him doing anything else

like she said there's no concept of like him going to the shop or buying a paper or whatever He just, he's David Bowie, he doesn't do stuff like that You ever see him, he's in all this gear and all his makeup and doing a music video or something or on stage live. And there was no other exposure to him. So I think when in the modern world, one way you can kind of propagate that myth is by doing something like that. I think it's a much better idea than just being, Oh, let's have a fucking bass player. I mean, it's like, who wants to, who the fuck wants like the guy from blur as a labor MP? You know what I mean? It's embarrassing. Alex James doing this cheese with

Jeremy Clarkson. Fuck off. Yeah, it's just embarrassing compared to that. Anyway, Peter, what we should do, I think, is we should flip to a quick early break because we've got quite a lot of emails to get through. We do. I would bloody love, I'd bloody love to get through as many as we can. And in the meantime, if you know more about SleepToken than me, which you probably do, because I know hardly anything about them, and you know who the people are, email us. We'd love to know. You sound like you got a bit emotional at the end of that. It's like it's got a little frog in my throat, I think.

Excuse me. Because of the emotion of SleepToken. There you go, I'm better now. All right then, SleepTokeners, we'll be back after this. Bye! It's The Luke and Pete Show. If you want to get in touch with the show, hello at LukeandPeteShow.com and your email Keep talking as we'll be back after this. Bye! I do use it. I've got literally got it open in front of me. There I'm using it And would you like me to read an email from Callum? Yeah about the fish and chip shop. So do you know the context of this Peter? Yes

Turning up at a fish and chip shop with a fish in your hand going yeah get this in the in the fryer and I'll eat it Thank you very much Then we sort of question whether that happens very often Callum says says hello, look Pete, just want to follow up on the home fry questions you have for me. First of all, you've made a great mistake by saying cod in Grimsby. We are a Haddock town and won't be disperched with that watery bottom feed. Is cod a watery bottom? Yeah, regarding the price of the home fry, the local chipman will usually only charge £1 for the batter fee so it certainly does make a difference if you're paying eight pound

for a standard fish and chips that's amazing the fillets we take in are certainly more sizable than what the chipman will provide I do wonder if it's a thing specific to even just me but I can't wait to hear from other Lugapic show listeners as always you make the working week less mundane keep up the good work Callum interesting so people do just, all right Sam, I think because we started talking about fish and chips, Sammy got very excited. Yes, I think if you have already got a hot oil machine

on the go, surely you can charge more than one pound to cover it in batter and fry it. I just think that there's a lot of energy involved heating that oil up to a certain degree. Yeah and Callum also says if you pay £8 for a stand of fish and chips I mean let me just show you something Peter and you can announce to our listeners, I'm going to hold this up to the camera, how much it is for a large cod alone in the chip shop near where I live? The problem is the old the unit where that Riverside broadcasts your feed. Just work it out. I can't really see mate. It looks like 13.89. It's 15.95. Well there you go 15.95 just for the cod not even delivery on top of that just for the cod.

I've told you cause the other week If you want to go fish and chips for two from there these days, it's around 50 quid. Yeah, that's absolutely crazy 50 quid I would also add that and we got a lot of Correspondence about the home fry and the fish and chip Stuff and loads of people on the Luke and Pete show Twitter replied and I did some and loads of people on the Luke and Pete Show Twitter replied and I did some cursory research into it because loads of people said this is common which happens all the time I can't believe you haven't heard of it

every single one of those tweeters was from either Grimsby or Hull It's the Grimsby and Hull thing It's the fry your own belt of the UK for cry out loud I think if I went into my place out of the 50 quid meal for two and asked them to do it I think they'd laugh me out of it. Yeah well I mean it's hard to do on Deliveroo. Imagine if you did it on Deliveroo you just had to deliver a man pick up your fish drive it to the thing ask them to put that in there and then slap it back in. You'd be looking at 100 quid return journey wouldn't you? And

rightly so by the way because I mean that's going to stink out their. They're a little bit older. A little box, a little box. I got a Popeyes chicken yesterday. Right. Have you got Popeyes near you? No, no, we've got, we've got one wimpy that burned down and then that's it really for the exotic horse. Okay, so we've got Popeyes chicken and I got a Deliveroo because I've got home from work late and when the guy turned up, I like to go down and meet him

because I don't want him to ring the doorbell, because I don't want him to wake up my son. Yeah. And so when I went down there, I walked down there to down to the bottom of the stairs to meet him, gave him the code, and he goes to me. This is the fourth time I've delivered to your house. I was like, all right. Well well thanks for coming, I appreciate that. Yeah.

Yeah, no worries. Did he go, did he go? What's your agenda there? Whenever I, whenever I, I'm a bit greedy, Sarah does this. Does he do that to you? No, he was just, he was just, I think he wanted a blue plaque on the house. Four times, five times, and you have to give me a tip. I give a tip every time anyway, it's like he's angling for a tip. The KFC man delivered to us a few weeks

ago and he was like he was parked in the middle of the road for some reason, I mean there's not many parking spots but he parked in the middle of the road and was basically shouting at me like he was basically remonstrating with me because I hadn't come to the door quick enough and I was like I'm parked in the middle of the enough and I was like I'm parked in the middle of the road I was thinking well don't do that then. You chose to do that. You chose to do that. You know what it's not possible to be a delivery driver in a car around here. No it really is. You'd have to scooter or nothing. It's Wangy125 or nothing guys. What about this from Matt who says,

Hi guys, just listen to the episode where you discussed trick or treating and how you thought they shouldn't be going out with their parents. This reminded me of last Thursday when I was left at home and my wife and kids went out trick or treating. It was my job to give the sweets out, say happy Halloween and let them take a couple of sweets for themselves. It was mainly kids between the ages of 4 and 10 who came knocking on the door while their parents stood further back and a few groups of older kids

came on their own, all perfectly acceptable. But then there was one couple who were dressed a baby up and came and knocked on the door and took some sweets. The man took two drumsticks for a baby who doesn't have any teeth. I was in martial arts so I didn't say anything. They better be given some food to some sweets of the child surely. I think that's a bit extra taking your baby out. It's almost just like saying to everyone look we've got a baby everyone. Yeah, yeah, good point. Get on with it. You can go Halloween loads of years to come. And Matt says that he wished

he'd made a passive aggressive comment about saving the sweets until the baby was old enough to eat them. But he didn't. Love the show. Cheers Matt. Yeah why are they doing that then? Why are you huffing a kid around? Why are you tricking a kid around the streets? Well to be sure I don't think Matt doesn't actually say where he lives. Maybe it's in the US where Halloween is a much bigger deal but then you don't get drumsticks in the US I don't think. No, no I think it's very much a British reserve.

Maybe that's what I'd be a part of. I told you we went to a Halloween thing with my son and it was Bill's family Halloween event and we got there and there's a broke dressed in an amazingly terrifying Pennywise outfit and my son just instantly started crying. Right, what's he got against clowns? I was like, what are you doing? It's a family event. It's not like a house party. It's a family event. It's not like a house party.

It's a family event! It's a family event! There was a magician outside. There was a magician outside. Like an actual magician. And they were doing free biscuits and like a baby shark was being played by the DJ. It was not a Pennywise event. Pennywise or Jigsaw are not invited.

Okay, alright then. Let's do one more email before we go. Let's do one email. Let's get the... McCain said an American election related one. Let's put the election to bed. Email from the West Coast of the US, this election is looking bleak. How would you feel, Luke, about adopting a 27 year old? Luke, what would you be looking for if you wanted to adopt a 27 year old? Luke, what would you be looking for if you wanted to adopt a 27 year old person? Tidiness? Hygiene? House-trained? Yeah. Some really big hefty contribution to the mortgage. I mean you could have someone just have like a sort of house servant who could just look

after you and stuff or like one of the robot one what Mr. Tumble's got. Yeah that's a good idea. My feeling with the greatest of love and respect to McCain is a very welcome listener to this community but I would say that if you are emailing someone into a podcast like this about becoming adopted by them you've probably automatically ruled yourself out. That's a good point McCain. Should have kept your powder dry. But McCain just go on to say, I'm hoping your show can get me through the next four years and there's a semblance of democracy left for us at that point. So please keep up the good work at an all time low McCain.

There's no democracy in the Luke and Pete show, it's our show and we're running it. Exactly. It's Taylor's show, really. It's Taylor's show, Taylor isn't in charge and mainly the emails and the advertisers as well. It's not our show is it? I mean they've taken over they've taken over

oh well. They've got jobs. Alright well we'll be back on Thursday I think won't we? I think what we'll do is we'll say we'll give a shout out now to Mark and to Kev and to Gavin and to Mimi all the ones who have emailed in in recent times. We will get to your emails when we can. We're working through them as best as possible. But we've got to remember that the chat that me and Pete bring organically outside of the emails, which is unplanned and completely impromptu, is also of a very, very high standard. You can't get to the emails all the time. Just bear that in mind.

It's a really good point. Is there something you don't agree with that, Peter? I do agree. Don't lean back on your big sofa satisfied with yourself see me like this any night of the week watching telly oh to be fair it's a that sofa is lovely and comfortable we've got an L-shaped one and it's fabric and there's only really room for anyone to spread out if you're one person and you're in the L. The other side of the L. It is quite long. Big old boy isn't it? That's a big old lad. Well you're a big old lad so you need the length. Well it's actually pretty good because sometimes I have to sleep on the fucking thing. Alright

then enough of your terrible home life, we'll be back on Thursday. Keep your battery coming in at hellolookofpeachshaw.com. Taylor will bang him in the running order and we will check in against our notes slash email. Before we go can I just give a shout out to producer Taylor who very lovingly and affectionately said to me earlier, you know the other day when you got knocked off your bike by that car? Right.

You didn't get any photos for social did you? I thought it was like another, I thought you'd crashed your car or something, I thought it might be like a situation I hadn't heard about basically. I thought she was just going to say say are you absolutely sure you're okay? Oh dear well, no you didn't you didn't get any pictures, but you can just get one of Jeremy Vine's bit of footage where he's sort of almost falling on his bikes. Like a reconstruct one like crime watch. Yeah exactly with little dollies and stuff. You could be the car driver if you were. Yeah, we used the um, we used the Century. Where's the... you keep your bike away from my Century. It's already got enough dents and dings thank you very much. Alright then, see you Thursday. Have

a good one. Ta ta, bye bye. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the A-Cast Creator Network.