The Luke and Pete Show - Jurassic Clerk

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Pete’s back from Japan! The highlights of the trip involved checking into a hotel where a dinosaur was working on reception and committing a cultural faux pas in a fancy restaurant.Meanwhile, in the UK, Pete had his scooter stolen and a man broke out of prison. It probably wasn’t worth coming back, to be honest.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. It is Monday the 18th of September. My name is Pete Donaldson and I'm joined by little big Lukey Moore. You alright Lukey Moore? Little big Lukey Moore. LBLM they call me. Little big planet Lukey Moore. Little Big Planet. LBLM, they call me. Little Big Planet. Great video game from back in the day. How are you doing, man? You all right? I'm back.

Not bad. This is one of my favourite types of shows because, as we mentioned before, we've pre-recorded quite a lot of the earlier ones because you've been in Japan and this is the first time I've seen you in a good couple of weeks and I'm very excited to see you.

You've got lipstick on at the moment. I think it's because I don't generally shave, wet shave, but I did that, which makes my lips really pop with burst blood vessels. You look like you spent the weekend doing a drag act or something. Yeah, I've also come hot off the heels of a Wrestle Me live show where I dressed not only like The Undertaker, but also like the

I can't remember, I buy a kilt and a Marilyn Manson t-shirt for the headbangers costume that I had to wear for the Wrestle Me Live show in London's King's Place on Saturday but I did not give any money to Marilyn Manson, I made

my own with a printer Very nice to hear. And so, look, I think people listening to this will be absolutely beside themselves with excitement that you've just been to Japan for the first time in how many years? Well, it turns out you informed me. I thought it was like one and a half to two years. No. On this very show a few weeks ago, you literally said, it's cracking on for four. It has to be.

You can't have gone two years ago because of COVID. Yeah, wild. It has to be that. You took the lady you have access to with you. You packed up the whole apology cabin, lock, stock and barrel, and took it all the way to the Far East. How did it go? Tell us about the trip.

It went very well. I think I speak for Sarah when um she she won't be rushing back to japan but we tried our very best to find places that uh that would enchant and delight sarah because like she likes relaxing holidays um and i i do like relaxing holidays but if you go to japan halfway there halfway around the world isn't it you've got to just get up and out and see everything that you can possibly see and we managed to sort of see insufferable i was like proper dad let's get let's get in the car let's get on the train i'll carry all the stuff like it was proper like we have to be here at a

certain time and uh that's that's not conducive for a relaxing holiday. It has to be said so. No, and the thing that really stuck in my mind was the last time I saw you. And you said, I'm not really sure if Sarah's going to enjoy it. She likes having relaxing, quiet holidays. And that was ringing in my ears as I opened up Instagram and saw that you made her check into a hotel where the concierge was an animatronic dinosaur.

Well, that's not strictly true, Luke. That's what it looked like. That's what it looked like on the Instagram. It was two animatronic dinosaurs. Well, because they got much more efficient. Exactly. Exactly. One person can do the photocopying of your passport

and the other one can tell you where your room is and print out your room keys. What's the reason for that being the thing so i um constant i through this holiday we lost like three or four things but the great thing about japan is if you lose something you'll always find it you'll always get it back someone will always hand it in And I managed to leave a bag in a restaurant, a cafe at Osaka train station. And we were kind of like an hour and a half into the journey. And I was like, ah, shit. I'm going to go back and get that. So I went back and got that.

What was in the bag? $300 and my spectacles. Just a good night in, all told. And so, yeah, I said, Sarah, can you... I'm sure you were a Tinder buyer, wasn't it? Yeah, exactly. Five foot nine. And stealing an inch there with my lifts in.

I sort of said, look, you go and fuck a walk up. You get in a taxi, just go to the hotel, check in, and I'll be there as soon as I can. Obviously forgetting that the one hotel that we booked that has animatronic dinosaur concierges at front desk and no human beings to talk to. Oh, what are the chances? Well, remote, turns out, because all of the other ones had been humans.

All the other bellboys and bellhops and people had all been humans. But this time around, yeah, it um hilariously booked us into a hotel that had um dinosaur concierges but uh you know that that's what it's all about isn't it really yeah apparently seems like it apparently but um they presumably just they just parrot a kind of list of recorded phrases today and they base a lot of like japanese hotels because of the language level of a lot of the the staff members um certainly on the male side of things that they're never that great at understanding like accents and stuff um so they use um a lot of like um touchscreens and stuff so the the the the um i think the animatronic dinosaurs are very much there to

augment the effect of having the touchscreens as well. And they're just, you know, nice for the kids and stuff. But yeah, that was kind of fun. Not really that nice for the kids, is it? Well, kids like dinosaurs, don't they? Terrifying for the kids. I mean, they were absolutely terrifying, speaking in very polite, honorific Japanese. Yeah, the best case scenario, well scenario well worst case scenario we're going

to get eaten by dinosaurs best case scenario is we've been as a society taken over by dinosaurs and i'm not quite sure of my place in the social economic strata that is that is really the the only two options available to a kid who doesn't understand how the world works my son went to a hotel and saw that he'd cry yeah okay fair but he cries a lot of stuff surely he's four months old he's so it goes and the great the beauty thing about it is you you try predicting what he's gonna cry out next you can't could be anything could even be something he loved the day before yeah oh well never i'll do that again no you won't it's like work with me very he's actually a little bit like that and i think a lot of people would say it's like working with me. Very changeable. He's actually a little bit like that. Very changeable. And I think a lot of people would say it's like working with me as well.

Yeah, exactly. The only difference being that I've got a beard. Yeah, exactly. So did you think about me at all while you were away? I did. Got you some Pokemon cards. Oh, thanks. The wife I have actually requested those.

A little t-shirt for the little one as well. Yeah, I thought about you a bit. But the problem with time difference is when I'm waking up, I'm just catching up on 50 million WhatsApp messages on it on loads of different groups and stuff. Popular, isn't it? Popular. Is that a little kind of humble brag about how popular you are, Peter?

No, just bad with admin. I don't close any of them down. I've got three football teams. I don't play four anymore that I'm involved in. But I also lost a laptop in a hotel miles away from where we ended up. And I basically emailed them. I said, look, can you get us that laptop? And they said, no worries. They sent it within like a day and a half, all wrapped up beautifully. Great cardboard box work. And it only cost like a tenant to get it back it was so such

good service that's brilliant yeah really really good stuff and um are they still did you um did did sarah who hasn't visited the country before make any kind of cultural faux pas or would you there to guide her through it um no no i think she i think um we were having a lot of like We were having a lot of, like, sushi. I had a lot of sushi. And she, I think she realised that, you know that little packet of ginger you get with sushi? Yeah.

That's, like, for bits of, that's for, like, in-between meals. That is the only four-part I can think of. You know the little packet of ginger? It's like a palate cleanser, is it? It's like a palate cleanser, yeah. But because it's delicious, Sarah just puts it on her sushi, which is absolutely fine. That's her prerogative.

But I would say in the rarefied atmosphere of a very intense sushi restaurant, upwards of like 150 quid a pop, where the man is making the sushi right in front of you, that's a fuck you. I can imagine how well you dealt with that. I bet you were going, that's absolutely fine. If you want to do that, you can pay for it.

I did, yeah. You can do what you want. And you were banned, were you? Barred forever. I'm not banned now. But it was, and then I did a faux pas by saying there was too much food on offer in Japanese. And that was a diss to him,

that he'd prepared too much food for us, when it was very much my fault for having too many ice creams before we started the meal. So is that the kind of thing that he would... How did that kind of discomfort and annoyance manifest itself? He sort of just, when I said it, he sort of went... That's why I like the Japanese. They're quite like me. Nervous.

There's no... They don't want to have a conversation any more than you do. No, exactly, exactly. And do you think you'll struggle to adjust back to British life? Well, I mean, the time zone issue... You look like you might already be doing so, if you don't mind me saying. It's very much rolling on. But, yeah, well, as we um the show um when we came back

i came back to news that my neighbor noticed that my um scooter had been stolen uh yeah that's bad that's annoying the wangy 125t um and i was like oh god i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to uh you know get a crime number and get my insurance and all that stuff. Anyway, these naughty whippersnappers are just taking it around the corner. I just found it like 10 minutes before we started the show, around the corner. So I wheeled it back, and it's absolutely fucked. They've had a screwdriver in the lock, but they didn't manage to break it. And that's the unique difference of the Wangy 125. It doesn't even work

when they've got the key. You weren't riding it anyway, were you? I was puttering around here and there. It's a phase you've gone through now. Well, got a car now, haven't I?

But yeah, good time was had by all on the old holiday. Went to see some wrestling. We went to... I've never been to japan when uh i've sort of i've had to sort of think about the tattoos on my legs now the big thing in japan is obviously yeah the last time out we talked about the fact you're gonna have to have some

silicon legs i was i brought some i brought some silicon legs with me uh and the only issue with that is and was um they look worse than the actual tattoos themselves it's more conspicuous to wear silicon jelly legs than actually just wander around with your tattoos right sure um and i i hadn't i've never spent that much time and the whole sort of holiday was kind of like um uh characterized by me being astounded as to how much you can get out of a holiday when you're not hung over from day one to day 14 like you can get so much more done you feel better you have a better time if you don't get pissed every night yeah yeah i'm pleased that you've established that i know at 42 but um yeah the direct question in would be, why weren't you getting pissed every night?

I mean, yeah, why wasn't I getting pissed every night? I don't know. Well, very smoky, very smoky atmosphere in bars. You kind of forget. You're not allowed to smoke on the street, but you can smoke in a restaurant. Oh, really? So there's no smoking ban in indoor spaces,

but it's not accepted to smoke outside? Yeah, you're not allowed to smoke outside. You have a little kind of area next to train stations and stuff that you can smoke in. But if you try and smoke in a restaurant, it's absolutely fine. So that's the weird thing. I don't think I'd like that these days. Well, I didn't clock it, but when we first went to the first bus, I went, I can't believe I'm smoking.

Like, it's insane. And your clothes absolutely reek. Is this what we smelt like in the 90s? Do you know what? It is because I can remember, sadly, as I'm sure you can, before the smoking ban in this country where you used to go out on the piss and you stank the next day. The clothes and your hair was awful.

And I thought, I mean, the slight downside to the smoking ban now is that everywhere smells of farts, doesn't it? Farts and vapes, yeah. But the vape doesn't linger. People just fart all the time. Yeah. Yeah, and I think the cigarette smoke, while clearly having a quite disastrous carcinogenic effect,

was doing a lot of the heavy lifting. Masking a lot, yeah. People are having to sort of clean their properties a little bit more. I would would say like it kind of dovetails with um the rise of ipa and the rise of the farts i think that's kind of like the rise of of of ipa and and craft ale surely must uh must kind of like have some kind of correlation now i'm fed up i'm fed up of it i'm fed up of people that drink it yeah i'm fed up of hearing about it even though i look like someone that would like it well yeah i mean you've you've grown a beard to look just like a man who loves a bit of IPA.

Oh, yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm taking them down from the inside like a double agent. I go in, I tell you what, when I go into my local looking like this and say, pint of lager, please, Barman, no one can fucking believe it. They're absolutely beside themselves. I just think now, I've got to the point now,

I'm being very, very restrictive in my mentality towards IPAs. I feel like if you're going into a pub, you know, look, have a lager, have a Guinness, have some kind of short drink. I think there's a lot of balls in having like a whiskey. I like that, I respect that. Have a soft drink if you want. I just don't, I can't get on board

with the performative nature of an IPA now. And I look up at a board of an IPA pub, and not one of the beers is under about 9%. Fuck off. Get out. Get a madry and fuck off. Yeah, I'll just go to the corner shop and get four pack of Fosters and bring them in myself.

And I'll pay you a deposit for the glass, so I'm not taking a piss. And then we'll go from there. I can't be having it. How's the IPA scene in Japan? Growing, I think. I mean, obviously, I was on the search for the perfect lager. Because out there, they love a massive...

The problem is, though, you don't know what the perfect lager is. You're very unqualified to know that. It's like I've woken up every time, like a caveman. What is this? What is this beautiful orange-amber drink? Do you think a perfect lager is Carling? I think a perfect lager is Stella. I think Stella...

Oh, mate! It's just nice. And I'm right, because I've drank loads of it. So you're a no-buy now? I thought you were a hiney man. I'm a hiney? I don't mind a hiney. That's quite popular out there.

You have, like, these... You know, you've got your Asahi's and your Sapphorasos and stuff but you have these kind of like cold glasses they know how to serve it cold glasses i like that they don't mind a big head on the on it because it looks like a cartoon beer um and they just and and and they just get on with it and i was like i was saying sarah i need the perfect beer and i kind of got it on like the second last day um it was absolutely cracking but they'll tell you about the perfect beer I had. About a month after my son was born, we had to kind of start to set into a semblance of a routine.

I was about a month old. As far as like my wife and I, we would do it in shifts. And that particular week I was on shift in the evening. But the boy was asleep and he was sleeping really well, as he still does, thankfully, touch wood. And it was Glastonbury Festival, Peter. Right, okay. And so I knew Guns N' Roses were playing that night on the telly.

So I put a glass in the freezer in the morning. And then I got two cans of proper uh estrella right um in the right in the coldest part of the fridge and then when guns and roses came on i timed it just so i poured the beer in into a perfectly frozen glass and it was the first beer i'd drunk for well over a month and it was delicious instantly i'll tell you. That's an authentic story, that, to those listening. That's a story that actually happened. And that would work as a magnificent piece of content for some kind of alcohol sponsor.

I'm just saying that. Well, just an alcohol advert. But Pete, what annoys me is that sponsors, potential sponsors to this show, they're missing out. Yeah. But not sponsoring that kind of content. Because it's authentic. It's genuine.

It's sincere. It's delivered by a sensational's authentic, it's genuine, it's sincere, it's delivered by a sensational broadcaster, if you don't mind me saying, with a lot of experience, and it's from the heart. And I think that the impact of that to a potential customer of their beer brand would be quite large. But I think the image of you balancing

a freezing cold glass of cooking lager on a baby's head. It's not cooking lager, is it, Estrella? I mean, it's... And it's fine to have a beer when your baby's asleep at 9pm. You have your breastfeeding meds. You can't do that. That's true.

The problem is you've got a very different outlook towards alcohol than me. I'm a very, very urbane, responsible drinker. I like to cover beers in the pub and the local. I enjoy myself. I go home and I go, that was nice. I'm now very, very urbane, responsible drinker. I like a couple of beers in the pub and the local. I enjoy myself. I go home and I go, that was nice.

I'm now moving on to the next thing. You're like, why can't I get pissed every minute of every day? That's not true though, is it? I'm a person who has

rules about drinking early. I'm a binge drinker. By my very nature, I'm a binge drinker. Don't say that. We're not going to get a sponsor now, are we? Fucking hell,

why did you set everything back? No, that's good. I should encourage people to drink Lords. Don't say that. We're not going to get a sponsor now, are we? Fucking hell's answer. Why do you set everything back? No, that's good. I should encourage people to drink Lords. Oh, I've got an idea. Let's present it to a beer brand. What we were thinking, right, is it would be great for you if everyone drank shitloads of beer

all the fucking time. Yeah, spilling it everywhere, getting another one, buying everybody else some. Yeah, lovely. Don't leave the meeting. I've got just one more thing. Irresponsible decisions.

Exactly. Let's talk about them. Yeah. Come to my local and have a beer with me. Where's that come from? Just asking. Right.

Okay. Yeah, fine. Do you want to? Yeah. What time is your cut off that you actually can start drinking? 6 p.m.

Okay. That's the worst time. Anyone who's seen me drinking a beer before that is a liar yeah it's one of your many lookalikes yeah i um i um is it true you still send many one of your many lookalikes to different pubs just to show think because they think that pete donaldson's drinking in their establishment yeah to do the dj sets if you've met anyone like out and about

it's very much my uh it's very much my lookalike who's perpetrated that particular appearance peter i I think realistically, when you get to kind of our age, you want to be having a beer or two around three and then go home about seven or eight. Yeah, but then that just ruins the rest of the night. You need to start drinking it. It just does because you just feel sleepy.

You just feel... Great, it's eight o'clock. Go to sleep. I've got a four-month-old son. That's perfect. He'll be up at two. So, Peter, we've done the first half where you've talked a four-month-old son. That's perfect. He'll be up at two. So, Peter, we've done the first half where you've talked a bit about Japan.

I think in the second half of this show today, I think what we should try and do is maybe cover some of the things that happened while you were away. Not to me personally, but just to British society in general. It sounds like you just had two pints. You'll be unsurprised to know

a lot of the stuff that happened in Britain while you were away was fucking terrible. Mm, mm, yeah. All right, then. We'll be backurprised to know a lot of the stuff that happened in britain while you're away was fucking terrible yeah all right then we'll be back in a second we're back with a little picture on a monday so um if you uh just a little reminder if you want to get your battery brands in if you want to say hello hello looking picture.com on the emails um luke phyllis in what's been happening since i've been away before i get into some of the stories i wanted to avail you of my favourite tweet of the period while you were away.

And it's from a guy called Mike Primavera. I don't know what he's like. He might be awful. I haven't looked at the rest of his feed. I just enjoyed this tweet. He says, On my friend's 21st birthday, we were all going out drinking.

And before he left, his grandfather told him if he really wanted to drink everyone under the table, he should drink three shots of olive oil to coat his stomach. Three shots of olive oil to coat his stomach. Three shots of olive oil to coat his stomach. So he did. And as soon as we got to the bar, he shit his pants.

It's a stool softener. There's no two ways about it. And I thought to myself, I reckon that's a fake story. That probably didn't happen. Right. But apparently, in April of this year, Starbucks rolled out a load of olive oil infused drinks in the USA, UK, Japan and the Middle East. And they had to stop them because people had to keep running to the toilet because they were already drinking coffee.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Coffee and olive oil. And imagine like you're about to shit yourself and you're trying to find the code for the bloody thing. Oh, yeah, exactly. You've already kicked off at several prets not having the toilet at all, right?

Correct, correct. They should have. It's a goddamn restaurant for crying out loud. I would say that one of the products I enjoyed exclusive to Japan at the moment

was a... It started on September the 7th, I think, a sweet potato, a buttered sweet potato latte from Starbucks. Get out. Get out. It's just basically they put a lot of cream on the top of the latte and then in the cream they have suspended little chips,

little sweet potato chips, salty sweet potato buttery chips, which is just astounding work. Have you sampled the beverage or not? Yeah, I had it. It was all right. It wasn't too bad. It wasn't as bad. But the problem with those kind of fancy lattices,

they don't taste like they've got any coffee in them. I don't know. They're not making me wake up. I think that might be the point, though. Yeah, probably. I think people might like that. It reminds me of that. I don't know if you saw it,

there was a piece of content on X the other day where a guy was like, oh, it's autumn now, really. So, well, Dunkin' Donuts are rolling out their autumn menu. Yeah.

So that means you can get great news. That means you can get an extra large pumpkin spiced frappuccino, latte, whatever from Dunkin' Donuts. So let's go and do that. And he goes in there

and he buys it and it's obviously fucking gigantic. And it costs about five bucks or whatever. Dunkin' Donuts. So let's go and do that. And he goes in there and he buys it and it's obviously fucking gigantic and it costs about five bucks or whatever. And he says, check this out. I'm going to break this down and this is what this drink is, basically. I think I saw this.

You poured out the sugar? I think it might have been the same amount of sugar as 13 of Dunkin' Donuts glazed donuts. 13! That is absolutely wild. It's like 980 calories. Yeah. I mean, that's one drink.

Good God. And I do think there's an element of the idea of the US as a concept, which is very much founded on the idea that if you want to do what you fucking want, go and do it, right? And of course, if you take that to its natural extreme it becomes this libertarian like nightmare where no one wins and i get that but there is an

undercurrent in culture in the us in my experience where it's almost a bit like they wouldn't be comfortable at all with the nanny state right so they what they would say is if you want to drink that drink that's up to you yeah right that's you. Take the responsibility. Go and do it. And if you don't like it and it makes you fat, that's your fault kind of thing. And I'm not saying I agree with that wholesale because I don't. Because I think you need some kind of intervention and people need to be looked after to a certain extent. Although we can argue about what extent. I do think it's quite liberating in a way though.

Because for example, here you can't really get some of the stuff that they sell in the us because it just contravenes a load of food food regulations here i mean there's a lot of literal poison in american food though isn't there there's like there's like carcinogenic um additives that have been banned by the eu like decades ago that they're sort of going and that's weird because like the the it's a big kind of legal culture that the people go out and and sue you if you uh do a thing I don't understand how they're out to get away with a lot of stuff that they're getting away with um but you strike me as the kind of guy that quite likes the idea of eating a packet of crisps and having the

artificial colorings on your hands for two weeks afterwards. They are very bright and orange. I mean, how has it stopped being kind of radioactive in the 80s, really? That doesn't kind of happen anymore. Iron brew, you can't get sugary iron brew anymore. You've got to buy special iron brew that you pay the extra tax on. It's, you know, it's... Yeah. I think we should be looked after in that way.

That is the role of government so i think yeah so i think yeah that's it isn't it i think i i would probably agree with you as a european liberal i would kind of agree with you but i think in the us they're a bit more like do your thing well they're private health care as well so i mean obviously i'm paying for someone else's bad decisions here you're paying for quite a lot of your own as well exactly but i'm adding a few into the pot myself. That's the beauty of it, American listeners. We all just chuck our lot in.

We all just see who can be the most irresponsible and all pay for each other's healthcare. Exactly. I'm comfortable with it. I'm comfortable with it. Anyway, look, so that was a... We've got a slightly sidetracked there. The big story that happened while you were away, and you may have seen a bit of this,

is that a terror suspect escaped from prison by strapping himself to the underside of a delivery lorry from HMP Wandsworth. He's 21 years old. He's now since been caught again. We should probably make it absolutely clear that he was on remand for allegedly trying to spy for an enemy state, understood, according to the BBC, to be Iran, and plotting a fake bomb hoax.

But what I took from this was that you don't really see this happening much anymore. And I reckon back in the day, escaping from a prison was kind of like fair game. The prison holds you in. You've done what you've done. That's your punishment. It like fair game like the prison holds you in you've done what you've done that's your punishment it's the prison's responsibility to hold you in there yeah if you get away because the technology is so poor because we're going back i don't know 100 years or whatever you get away you're away yeah and it seemed like a lovely throwback it was a lovely throwback and i think there was another i think it was a brazilian murderer who did a similar thing crab walked up the wall in America.

Wow. And he was on the lam for a bit. He sort of, I think he was an ex-mountain climber or something. So they should have known. Know that if you're a prison officer. Know that. So someone had already crab walked up the wall. He'd sort of put his arms and legs on opposing bits of the wall

and kind of climbed up like Batmanman used to do um up up up a skyscraper we know how high um relatively high but they basically someone had done it like it was a couple of stories and then he had climbed over some barbed wire that had been installed the last time someone had crab walked up the wall and this guy was like quite good at mountain climbing anyway so he went on the lam and he was in you know he was kind of making his way his way through undergrowth, walking on the line of like power lines and stuff, only traveling at night and stuff. And he got quite far. And there's a massive manhunt for it. And when the police caught them, they did that pathetic kind of like they had like 50 police officers and the suspect in the middle bleeding from a head wound.

And they all took like a kind of celebratory kind of um photograph you shouldn't be doing that no you shouldn't be doing that it's awful but um so they did all did all that um and uh this guy got quite far but um in the um in the press conference before he was caught a journalist asked um did you um did you expect could you um ever see a situation where um two prisoners climb on each other's shoulders like um the little rascals which is with a big trench coat on yeah with a big trench coat on um and they asked that in a proper press conference it really made me laugh because it was so fucking stupid um but uh yeah it has been the summer of um of jailbreaks in many ways i like um i like the i forget what it in many ways. I like the...

I forget what it was that said it, but because he was working in the kitchen, this guy, Daniel Khalifa, he still had his chef's uniform on when he escaped, which involved him wearing a pair of red trousers. And someone said, if he's in Richmond with red trousers on, you're never going to find him.

You're never going to find him. Because everyone's got them on. Because Chiswick Park's massive, isn't it? It was in Richmond Park, actually. Richmond Park, right. Is that the one with the deers? Which is absolutely huge. It is. Riding a deer around.

It made me think, actually, that he left the prison, apparently, on the underside of a delivery lorry from the kitchen, at like 7.30 in the morning, the prison staff didn't notice for 20 minutes. Yeah. And then the police weren't called, I think, for another 25 minutes after that, I guess because they had to just make sure he wasn't on the premises or whatever. So you had a 45-minute head start. Now, I understand that prisons are horrendously underfunded, and the prison system in this country is an absolute disgrace.

It's been absolutely filleted by the Tory government for so many years. So I'm not trying to criticise any of the staff there. But you've got 45 minutes when you escape from a prison. What do you rate, what do you make of his tactics? So he basically went straight to Richmond Park.

And it took a couple of days to get him. What would you have done? Because the UK is the most CCTV-covered country outside of China in the world, I think. So your options are very limited. What are you thinking? Sewer. Take the sewer.

Go on the roofs. That's what I would say. Well, which? That's the opposite. Both those things are the opposite. Well, just if the police go down the sewer, go on the roof. And if the police go on the roof, go in the sewer. Yeah. Yeah. Did you grow up in a cartoon what do you think this is run up the wall like a crab um yeah it is so difficult but like how do you if i've got like a cctv um in my shop

or outside my shop can do people like police don't have access to all of the cctv they can request it i think they can request it i think they can request it if they know that the person is in the area because i'll say that like stew next door um he when when my scooter went missing he looked on his ring doorbell he couldn't find anything i requisitioned some some some footage the good news is that um that ring doorbell means that um amazon will be selling him stuff that he doesn't need for the rest of his life so right okay that that's that's the downside. I'd like to know whether the guy in question saw an opportunity and took it, in which case

I think he did as well as he could have done. But if this was a plan, you're really going to need to be having some kind of boat ready, I think, some kind of quite isolated beach or port some little fishing port or something and you've got to get the country as soon as possible take advantage of britain's frankly terrible relationship with the rest of europe yeah get out of there yeah get out of there there was a new story that we were going to talk about i don't think we ever did um where a man um in america um put lemon juice on his face while robbing a bank thinking it would make him invisible to the cctv i don't know where he read it um i believe it was florida

um i don't know where he read this but apparently um when he was arrested he shouted how did you find me i wore the juice and i've been thinking about i've been thinking about i wore the juice so often uh in that's a great catchphrase yeah how did you catch me i wore the juice that's brilliant and and obviously i wonder where he read that um yeah it's um that reminds me of a story of um about a couple of years ago i don't quite remember the details it's probably a lot more horrific than i'm remembering it did you hear that story of um how there was a guy who tried to hold up a petrol station like Slovakia? Yeah. And the woman working behind the counter

basically gave him a blowjob to hold him there. Yeah, until the police arrived. He got caught. I mean, that seems like a crazy decision to make, no? She offered the blow job he accepted it i stuck around for it i don't think that um is it what's that not munchausen by proxy what's the thing when you fall in love with your captor oh stockholm syndrome it just seems that that happened way too quick i don't i don't know the detail i can't remember it was like a couple of

years ago yeah she basically delayed him in the petrol station for the police to turn up. Was it a bad... I have no idea. You wouldn't want to be good at it, would you? I have no idea. You would take your time. You would be bad at it to elongate, so to speak. I mean, that guy is probably still in prison now, because armed robbery's a serious crime. He needs

to keep his eye on the prize, so to speak. His priorities are all wrong. All over the place. Good God. All right, Peter. One other story I really want to get to before we wrap up, and we could do some more of this on Thursday, I'm sure,

is surely you have come across this because it's a favourite class subject of the Luke and Pete show community, I think. Do you remember Jordan Peterson half remembering the plot from Skyfall and presenting it as fact on the podcast yes what's been

happening because he's doing I think he's doing a show at the O2 isn't he oh Rick we should go that is can you imagine British versions of the sort of people who follow John Peterson I'd love to go I'd love to see what it'd be like I have to say Virgin, British versions of the sort of people who follow John Peterson.

I'd love to go. I'd love to see what it would be like. I have to say. I'm currently under investigation by the Abroad in Japan YouTube viewers because a lot of them find, well, I'm not saying a lot of them, but a couple of very vocal fans of John Peterson found my comments about Jordan Peterson quite problematic. It's quite amazing how sensitive these alpha male types can be, isn't it?

It really, really is. So for those of you, I wish you all the best with that, by the way, and leave me out of it. I can't stress that enough. What Jordan Peterson did, he was on an interview podcast with quite a famous American guy who always does Joe Rogan, whose name's escaped me,

and he seems a bit of a idiot himself. Anyway, he's mentioned the idea of a rat king, right? Yes. And Jordan Peterson got confused, doesn't know what a rat king is because he's fucking mad. I mean, the problem with Jordan Peterson is he's quite literally got absolutely no connection to the real world whatsoever. So it's very difficult for him to engage on a conversational level with

a normal person, which is probably why he spends all his time in this rarefied atmosphere either talking to a camera or other people just like him. And a Rat King is of course when rats in sewers or underground tunnels or whatever, through various different means get their tails all tied together and they can't get away. It's a horrific

part of nature really. But he thought a Rat King was basically what Javier Bardem's character as the main antagonist in Skyfall talks about when all the rats on this island start eating each other. Honestly, I know you're not going to have any sympathy for this but I thought it was funny when he started presenting that as something

that genuinely happened when in fact it was probably just the last film a very previously very eminent clinical psychologist had seen and he presented his fact and after a while i thought actually do you know what i think he might just be a little bit ill right well i i would i would say yeah i when he said that pressure it seemed like i i enjoyed and kind of believed it when he said it. And that's actually a really interesting point because don't underestimate how far you can get in life by just presenting something confidently,

even if you've completely made up. That's really ultimately the kind of underpinning of all these types of right-wing kind of agent provocateurs, right? Did you know this is happening? Can you believe that's happening? What are you going to do about it? Never mind, none of it's fucking true. And once you get upset,

they just move on to the next thing, don't they? Yes, exactly. Straight away, they've got no shame. They don't worry about that. They just move on to the next thing. So when Ben Shapiro got ridiculed for saying that climate change wouldn't affect people who live by the coast

because they would just sell their houses, everyone thought that was amazing and a great gotcha and everyone had a great old time. What's he done about it? Nothing. Just moved on to the next thing. Still doing it.

Still going. I was watching Bill Myers being, we'll wrap up shortly, Bill Myers being criticised for going ahead with his show without writers

and just, you know, being Bill Myers. He's a bit of a weird character though, isn't he? He's sort of changed massively and he's, he's a very strange man but, you know, being Bill Maher. He's a bit of a weird character, though, isn't he? He's sort of changed massively, and he's a very strange man. But, you know, he gets 10 million a fucking year or something.

He's a very rich man. My dad likes him because he challenges, you know, he challenges, you know, the perceived wisdom that, you know, Twitter is obsessed with. He's just asking questions. He just says what we're all thinking. He's just asking questions. He just says what we're all thinking. He's just asking questions, Lou. But he had Henry Rollins on the show back in the day

and he was coming out with some twaddle about literally statutory rape, that it's fine. And Henry Rollins was like, what? But it did make me notice that Ben Shapiro is like a weakling version of Henry Rollins. He does look a bit like him, doesn't he? He's a jacked up version of Ben Shapiro is like a weak weakling version of Henry Rollins. He does look a bit like him, doesn't he? Henry Rollins is a jacked up version of Ben Shapiro. I'd love to see him fight each other. Oh, I mean

I don't think it would last very long, to be honest. I'd still pay-per-view it, though. I would, yeah. I would, yeah. I'd bloody love it. I'd definitely watch it. A real TV party and no mistake. That's a really good observation, Peter. Well done. Thanks, mate. Well. Yeah, that's good. Let's end on a high then. Let's get over here definitely

we'll do some more stuff on what's happened while Pete's been away on Thursday I suppose yes please yes please lovely stuff

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so enjoy that out on the websites good stuff mate you're a bit jet lagged jet lagged yes see you on Thursday ta ta the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network