The Luke and Pete Show - Just put some tabasco on it

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

Pete bravely offers some cooking advice on today’s episode. Listen to him at your peril…He's also been displaying some “interesting” behaviour during the promotional video for a local wine bar, Luke has – disappointingly – made it into the Daily Mail, and a listener sends us a lovely poem.Want to send us a poem? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One night in heaven Oh If I have to sort of like suddenly burst into song That is one of my first tracks that I go for Is it really? That I grab for That's surprising That I finger

Yeah, it's weird isn't it? Very strange I don't have you as a burgeoning Heather Small no but like Ian Lee when he used to do a radio show

there was a bloke who used to ring in who had one testicle and he used to shout one nut and it tickled me you can't say anything these days can you

yeah exactly you can't say anything these days disrespectful that Heather Small of course as part of MP people won the mercury music prize people forget that she did um she beat pulps his and hers i think yeah i mean it was for the album elegant slamming and i'm not actually a big fan of them people but i'm also not really a big fan of pulp so i don't i'm quite neutral on that my mates um i mean you can't compare the two, but my mate, I've got, was it my mate?

I think somebody I know, I don't know why I said my mate. Somebody I know did a, got a, the drummer from M People to do a cameo relatively recently. Shovel?

His name's Shovel. Yeah. Did you tell me this? No. I just know his name. Did it on Christmas Day? Did he? Did it on Christmas Day.

Why? Enjoyable. I don't know. Just did it on Christmas Day. It's good stuff. It's probably, if you think about it, on Christmas Day? Did he? Did it on Christmas Day? Why? Enjoyable. I don't know. I just did it on Christmas Day. It's good stuff. It's probably, if you think about it, on Christmas Day,

you've got a lot of spare time. There's a lot of downtime. Yeah. There is a lot of downtime. Very hectic morning, and after that, people are dozing in front of the telly, aren't they? Might as well be productive.

Yeah. That's been my week, really, trying to prep for Christmas. We've got my sister and the little Ben's coming down, so I try to sort of lure my mum and

dad to see fit to you know come down but they said no did they why

because they're what's known as fucking weird fucking weird they're so fucking weird so fucking

weird they're just weird and this is the forum for me my dirty family laundry. Well, exactly.

You sort of go, I wonder how Pete got, like, what he is. Has the apple fallen far from the tree? The answer's no. I tell you what, it's just a tree with just a load of, like, wax apples that are bouncing up and down constantly. It's just in perpetual motion, just constantly bouncing around. Welcome to the twice-weekly airing of grievances that has become the Luke and Pete show.

I'm Luke Moore, that's Pete Donaldson. Peter, it's nice you're hosting Christmas. I'm really pleased to hear that. Are you going to be cooking the Christmas lunch, do you think? Well, I mean, we've got a brand new oven that I've bashed in. It's not wide enough, is it? Yeah, got an air fryer could probably do

some little nibbles there for the kids do some crab sticks get some crab sticks in there hey I've been doing some real cooking

we went round one of Sarah's mates houses at the weekend and I had and I had what can only be described

as a delicious meal and this man had so many spaces on a spice rack. And I got incredibly excited. I said, you know what? I'm going to start to cook things properly instead of just throwing them in the air fryer

and upsetting Sarah with how dry everything is and trying to rescue it with Tabasco. And I keep on getting very excited about like meeting something but then sarah will just sort of buy all the constituent parts yeah for the meal she wants to eat yeah uh and then go here they are cook that and i'm like i want to create something but she knows can i just say ten times shy it's hard for me to think of anything more chilling than on Christmas afternoon, me sat in front of the telly.

Yeah. And there's a lot of commotion and I call out what's going on. And all I hear back is, it's okay. I'm going to rescue this with Tabasco. That is the last thing I want to hear. I basically create meals

with a lovely festive family twister board. And I write the different proteins, chicken, cheese, rice, and I put them all in like a thing, and then I spin the wheel, and I see where we end up, and I've got to combine them. The different proteins,

chicken, cheese, and rice. What's happening here? That much food will make your teeth go grey. Yeah, it's all a bit topsy-turvy. So have you got your idea? I mean, listen, we'll do this a bit closer to Christmas in detail, but just out of interest. Have you got the idea in your mind?

So when my mum does, in my view, an excellent Christmas lunch for us all, she's got a lot of experience and she plans it all out. She's got a piece of paper writing on it. She does a little list. She's got timings. She's got a little bottle of water there. She she's doing it right it's not water it's the only way she can get through this and she sometimes asks me to come out and help her out with a few bits and pieces but she's she's squared it away all i'm saying is on christmas day more

than any other day of your cooking failing to prepare is preparing to fail oh that's the thing because we cook a roast every single weekend, but I don't know how the last two times we've done it has been a bit of a shit show, to be honest, Luke. I don't know how to explain it. Things just seem to be cooking at various different rates. I think when you put a lot of stuff in the oven, obviously the temperature goes down because it's cooking a lot more stuff,

but, oh, man, what a mess. Depends on the oven, brother. You put a brand new oven in there, maybe it just cooking a lot more stuff. But, oh, man, what a mess. Depends on the oven, brother. Depends on the oven. You put a brand new oven in there, maybe it just takes you a while to get used to it. Because I know that if you go and cook in a different oven, they're all kind of approximate, aren't they? So it's difficult to know. But what I was going to say to you, actually, Peter, was just that people listening here might think, oh, maybe sometimes Luke and Pete would, you know, if Luke was at a loose end, they had nothing to do, or something was going, you know, maybe his wife was over in the US.

Luke's got a good chance of being fairly near the top of the list. He's been invited to Peter's for Christmas lunch, you know, because he might be on his own. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. You'd be wrong. Because I got invited to your housewarming party, I think, two hours before it started, just so you could tick the box that you'd invited me, knowing I would never come.

I don't remember that. I think we said we were having a Halloween party. We've not had a housewarming. Whatever it was, it was a party of some description. I felt tremendously disrespected again. But I'll tell you for why, nobody else got invited earlier than that, to be quite frank. I can believe that. I think I just said, we're having some food, come down.

I've got my own thing. Just come down to Leon C. Come down. Have some food, just pop over. It's three hours away. It's not three hours away. I've got a little theory about that anyway. Right, okay.

You don't want me there because you know how good my stories are. Oh, what? You don't want the... If the walls could talk, they'd just be talking about you because you've been in the house. I wouldn't dream of stealing your thunder in your own home. But I think you're paranoid about that. Yeah, I mean, I will say that last New Year's Eve, Sarah invited one of her oldest friends around.

And he is part Dutch. and he is part Dutch, and one of the people I chose to bring to the place was a drunk man who works in the city who said, oh, you're a cloggy, are you? Which I'd never heard as a thing to call Dutch people. You're a cloggy. Did he get offended?

I think, I mean, it was five minutes within them all kind of meeting, so it was a bit weird, but I think they got over it. The way you said that, a drunk man from the city, did you know them? We've just met you on the phone. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean, who's this? It's, what's your name?

It's Graham. It's Graham. He's got his tie around his head. He's a salaryman. He hates Dutch people. It'd be great. But, yeah, it's just all very, very stressful. he's a salary man he hates Dutch people it'd be great but yeah it's just all

very very stressful Peter have you been have you been listen we struggle for content at the best of times

let's not do Christmas all show in November no no no well I would say that you've actually spotted me on a long lens eating some delicious food oh that was amazing

that was incredible haven't you I've got to tell everyone about that you sent me a video well let me tell you the story I'm in the kitchen some delicious food. Oh, that was amazing. That was incredible. I've got to tell everyone about that. So basically... You sent me a video. Well, let me tell you the story. I'm in the kitchen.

I was cooking a HelloFresh. They're very complicated, those kind of meal things. But when you do them, they're really satisfying. Yeah, good. You've done it all yourself. It's good.

It's almost like cooking with stabilizers on. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, but it's really satisfying when you get it done. I was surprised how many small kind of little condiments that they put in there. Oh, yeah, it's nice yeah it but it's really satisfying when you get it done it i was surprised how many small kind of little condiments that they put in there oh yeah it's great it's ingredients and there's no wastage either i mean i'll tell you what they should probably they should probably

sponsor this show because we both use them they're good i think they have they have and they possibly are but i would say that they're certainly sponsoring a couple of our things but uh i um i would say that um at no point in the recipe does it say look if you fucked it up at this point just put some tabasco on it i have to say about a week ago and i will get to this story i know it's frustrating when we go off in tangents like this but i will get to it i've not forgotten but i will say this the other day i had a recipe that they sent me for like homemade burgers or something and i couldn't bring myself to do it but i was hungry and so i just took the lovely looking brioche buns toasted them made myself two bacon sandwiches and then and then

the wi-fi i have access to come out i was like are we gonna make these burgers then because i don't think there's any white bread just i'll just cut around some white bread wiping crumbs off my mouth um so anyway so i'm in the kitchen making a HelloFresh. It's about a seven or eight minute bit of downtime. What I tend to do is if I'm, I'll listen to the radio. I'll switch between five live or six music or something.

Or sometimes even talk sport, depending on whoever's on. And then think to myself about how much better I was at it than them and get annoyed and then put five live on anyway. Just drop my hate text.

Yeah, but sometimes I'll watch Netflix on the laptop or whatever. So I'm there. And I just got to the end of a Netflix show. I think I was watching an episode of People Just Do Nothing from memory. Came to the end. I thought, I'm not going to start a new one now because I'll be done in a minute.

And I just had a little scroll through my phone. And Big Pav, who everyone listens to the Ramble. I knew it was Big Pav. Everyone listens to the Ramble will know Big Pav. He actually lives quite near Pete. If he's that big, why have I not seen him in my town? He's always asking if he can have your number so we can invite you over for a beer.

But I'd never pass it on because I think it's rude. And I know how socially awkward you get with people who are confident. So I didn't think you'd like it. So anyway. You two together, honestly. I know, that'd be terrible, wouldn't it? Big Pav says he prides himself on saying he's always the loudest person in any room he's ever been in.

And that's me saying that. Is he from this area? Because I guess there's quite a lot of lads who are quite... So I'm scrolling my phone and I see a WhatsApp from Big Pav. And he says, watch this video and see if you can spot anyone you know in it. And Big Pav is a very self-aggrandizing man. So I basically primed myself to look for him, the Chris Big Bald Head, in the video.

And it's a promotional video in the form of an Instagram reel for a local restaurant in Leon C in Essex. So I'm watching it. And I'm thinking, okay, this is fine. And there's music playing and there's people in the restaurant. Picture the scene, like an advert, people eating dinner. But you can't hear them. You can only hear the music. And who pops up but little Petey, little Petey D. People in the restaurant, picture the scene, like an advert, people eating dinner, but you can't hear them, you can only hear the music.

And who pops up but little Petey, little Petey. Little Petey, having a passionate conversation with my partner. Yeah, well, this is where the plot thickens. So Pete's in the foreground, talking to the partner he's got access to over dinner. Having a cheese bar. In a candlelit restaurant. And you think, that's nice. He's just been included as part of the restaurant's promotional material. um restaurant's promotional material he looks like everyone else anyway people you know people

won't even notice that i think at this point i hand the the story over to you peter because when i made you aware of this you first of all couldn't believe that i'd seen it that it somehow fallen on my door and and but secondly you told me quite a troubling story about the take itself and what you're actually saying in that scene, but not picked up on Mike. Take it away. So we were having a lovely wine. How did it come about, first and foremost?

What were you doing there? So Sarah has been wanting to go to this new place in Chalkwell, in between Leoncee and Southend. And it's called, I can't say this without my accent really taking over it's spelt c or rk d or rk so how would the cork cork dork so i just sound stupid saying it right so i can't so number one can't say it can't say the place it's like a wine place right yeah so it's just it's just wine wine and after wine, wine. And after, um, 6pm, cheese pots. Um,

and it was very nice. We had a couple of bottles of wine. Um, I don't drink a lot of wine, so I was leathered. Um, and, and suddenly,

um, the manager came around and asked every table, um, sorry, uh, do you mind if we, um, film a promotional video for,

for the, for the Coke, Coke, and, uh, and, uh, it just is is i just want to make sure that no one's having an affair or anything basically really that's so funny when in essex when in essex um and uh and and so at one point uh this this lady turns up with a i think i think

it was a dji uh osmo 3 um uh sort of leveled out at camera um in in the doorway to the place and me and sarah clocked it and as soon as you know that the camera's on you you start to sort of act unnaturally so the first time she did the sweep um we're just sort of half looking at the camera we're like well don't look at the camera yeah so then i pretended to be sarah's an actor sarah's an actor Sarah's an actor Sarah's a very good actor and so I was so I panicked and just started dicking about so if you watch that video, that promotional video for the Cork Talk, you may be able to

pick out me mouthing the words to Sarah aviation fuel won't melt steel beams now 9-11 was inside job all this stuff and and i hope that nobody notices that i'm talking about 9-11 conspiracy theories on the pro show video for the cork doc uh yeah there's your social for this week rory stick the video on there you go brother when i

found that out i watched it back and my wife came in and she can she was like oh what are you watching I said I was Pete in this video she said oh fine she said why are you laughing

and I was just like I don't think there's we haven't got enough time like I just can't do this from start to finish in a way that you won't be bored we've both got things to do

slightly offended as an American as well it's just Pete being Pete which I think normally does tend to satisfy people's curiosity as well. It's just Pete being Pete. Which I think normally does tend to satisfy people's curiosity when you say it's just Pete being Pete. That's funny. Sorry, CockDog. It's just not what I expected to see.

The CockDog are getting you for free. You're a very marketable person. We should be fucking they should be paying money. I've seen your hourly rates for voiceovers. Exactly. Be delighted to get you for nothing, no matter what you're saying on the old voiceover. But anyway, listen, let's have a quick break.

When we come back the other side, we've got a very interesting email or two to do, and I think we should definitely do them, and some other stuff to talk about as well. So don't go anywhere. Let's go. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, anywhere. Let's go. you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton All Access Membership Separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. I can't start the next part of the show, Luke. I've got a burp coming. Do it. Go do the burp. It's gone. It's gone. Welcome back to Luke and Pete's show. I'm Luke Moore. That's Pete Donson. This is show, Luke, I've got a burp coming. Do it. Go do the burp. It's gone. It's gone. It's a point.

Welcome back to the Luke and Pete show. I'm Luke Moore. That's Pete Donson. This is normally traditional. I mean, there's no traditional, really, with the Luke and Pete show. We do do some emails sometimes in the second half, so why not do it here? Peter, do you want me being compared with Jeremy Clarkson by a listener? Yes, please.

Oh, you want that? Right in there, mate. Yeah, okay. Right in there. So it's an email that's emailed directly to you, Peter. Do you want to read it or do you want me to read it on your behalf? You read it on my behalf. You're a lazy cunt. Why am I lazy?

Hi, Pete. You always say that Luke is Jeremy Clarkson. Do you? Not when I'm around you, don't you? No, you call me the hamster and then I flip it on you and say, ha-ha, you're him. So him being in the Daily Mail surely helps him towards his final form. I just thought I'd show you in case you hadn't seen it.

Cheers, Lewis. All right, Lewis, you're a grass, are you? That's what it is, isn't it? So basically what happened was, let me explain this. I had a tweet appear in the Daily Mail, which I'm actually not very happy about i wouldn't have agreed to that i guess i've got no recourse but it was a tweet i suppose it's public domain um i i let me let me start the story properly from the beginning so about two weeks ago

i had a tweet on the route from the ramble account right which the social guys and the actual young call producers we work with thought was so bad they they both, two of them went on a rampage trying to find who did it so that they could stop them doing it again, not thinking it was me, but it was me. Yeah, when I saw that tweet, I thought it was some people. Yeah. And I was blaming them. I mean, it was just a big fucking cock, mate.

Well, you're doing me a disservice there. Very graphic. Very graphic. A publicly known figure in a pair of Speedos on the beach with a chubby on will always be funny. Let's agree on that at least. It's not even chubby though, is it? It's proper like warship ready to fucking fire kind of escalation so i

posted that and the football player in question had just been named as the german national team and so i thought this is yes this is a picture of him receiving the news i think it's quite a funny joke you don't that's fine i've got no problem with that i think it's dirty what what because i'm usually beyond reproach when it comes to taste and decency and i was just shocked i was just shocked well your comedy is either really offensive or just confusing like and you get it about three months later because you're so you're so far ahead of the curve with this madness that no one knows so anyway i became the laughing stock of the company for the next two weeks about how crap i was at twitter and then the worm turned i hope not i did that worm worm actually I had a tweet talking about

comparing the World Cup and Qatar to Firefest yeah and at the time of recording Peter has

actually got 22.2 thousand likes right picked up on a daily mail finally I'm in the daily mail

you listen to all people will listen to the Luke and Pete show and listen to Football Ramble.

I'm 99% certain I've referred to it as Fyre Fest. And I think June did as well. Oh, that's disappointing. Not on the shows I've been on. I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that it's... I mean, fundamentally, yeah,

it's an incredible, astonishing number. I happen to think that it came in the week that our dear leader, Elon Musk, was fucking about with Twitter and the figures just went wrong. Well,

I was just about to say, Elon Musk talking about Twitter has been fantastic news for me. All of a sudden, the algorithm loves my stuff. This is the guy, Iowa. It's everywhere.

So all of a sudden, I'm getting algorithms by Elon Musk that are doing me a favour and I'm in the Daily Mail. Yeah. Yeah, I've told you before, I've given up. I can't buy a win

on that particular social platform. So fuck it. And I'm proud that you managed to absolutely break through. Well, I'm not that happy about being on the Daily Mail. If they had emailed me asking me for permission, I would have said no.

I don't know that they've got a screenshot of my tweet on their website. I'm not happy with it. Under two other people who are saying the same thing. Yeah, but I mean, mine's doing the bigger numbers. It is doing the bigger numbers. Well, you paid for the blue check, didn't you? If I'm 99 a month or whatever. I haven't paid shit.

There's no way. Listen, if you see me handing over any money at all to Twitter for any reason, make sure you get me looked at because there's no way I'm ever doing that. So thank you, Lewis, for bringing that to Pete's attention so he could laugh at me about it. I even made him read it out. Yeah, exactly. You made me start my own death warrant, effectively.

And then, Peter, I want you to do this email. There's an email in there. Have you got it in front of you? I've got it in front of me. There's an email here from Lauren, which is a very nice email, and I don't think we blow our own trumpets enough, chiefly because I want to, but you won't let me. So on this occasion, we're going to do it. Oh, so it's an email to my...

Sorry, the email that you forwarded to my account. Well, it's in the running order as well, Peter, right in front of you. Oh, let me just search for it. The problem is I've got a very loud keyboard. That's not the problem. Cherry MX keys, actually. Yeah, Lauren's coming this one. Thank you, Lauren.

I wrote you a poem. I wanted to write and express my feelings about you and your pod, but I struggled to find the right words, so I wrote a short poem instead. Lauren. I mean, yeah. I mean, let's read it first, but that sounds lovely. Yeah.

Alone in my kitchen, it's been quite a day. Working too hard with not enough pay. The struggle is real and the world's a bit crap. But when I put on the pod, I can forget about that. Alone in my kitchen, but I'm not alone. Because I've got two guys living in my earphones. My worries go quiet as they chatter to me. Sat in my kitchen, laughing into my tea.

Oh, that's lovely. And she also says... I've got my... Yeah, you're clear. A 28-year-old Australian in Finland, the sort of situation the police would sing a song about 30 years ago. I'm an Australian in... Yeah.

You're both unendingly excellent and have been a comfort for me living alone far from home this stranger wishes you all the best in the world Lauren, thank you, that's so kind I can't even bring myself to take the piss out of that that's how much I respect that but if you do want your email readout on the show

maybe you just write a poem big in the sub and we'll be so transparent make sure you fucking do it in is it iambic pentameter? I think it is, isn't it? Yeah, I never know what that means. I know that's a type of poem. Isn't it like groups of four kind of... It would be five, wouldn't it? Four in the stanzas? Oh, I don't know.

Pentameter suggests it would be five. Where does the i bank? Maybe the iambic bit means we've removed one of them. It's possible. That's confusing. That's confusing now, Shakespeare, you dick um and then i want to read this email out but thank you to lauren for that i want to read this email out from um miles he says morning all um a quick note for those haircut phobists out there now a few weeks

ago i talked about a friend of mine who's phobic of having his hair cut the first person i'd ever met who's you know outwardly articulated that to me i know it can be stressful and all the rest of it and it may be for some people it's a bit like going to the dentist but I wasn't aware of that. So Miles says, if any of them are in the North East, there is a barber who offers a silent haircut option. Nice.

It's a bit pricier than average up here. I love that. I love that he's saying, if you want me to be quiet, you're going to fucking pay. And he said, I've used it once and after a couple of sentences explaining what I was after i stuck some headphones in and i elapsed the half hour away that's such a good i think that's so good like you just it's a silent haircut 30 pounds washing haircut this service is in by people who uh for people who may suffer with social anxiety sensory issues or just generally like peace and

quiet while getting the haircut you know discuss the haircut at the start so you end up with a perfect haircut, but after that we cut the hair and cut the chat. That's nice. I like that. I think they should do that in restaurants. I would pay more to not have serving staff coming over and asking whether the food's all right when I'm just putting the first mouthful in my mouth.

That's like five seconds though, isn't it? That's all it is. I might not be enjoying it. They're not saying, you know, what do you think of the latest midterms. I'm British, you're going to get a tip anyway, don't worry about it. I wouldn't pay for that option because I like talking to my hairdresser, she's great. Yeah. I like talking to your hairdresser as well.

I said, fuck him up again, will you? Sophie. Do it. I'd like to think that she likes me too but I looked in the mirror this morning and perhaps she doesn't. But I think it's a nice option. I think it's a really good idea

because a lot of people don't really want to be chatting away. I get that. So it's good that they make it clear that they speak to you at the beginning

to find out what you actually want rather than you just walk in there and every time you try and say what you want they go shh. No talking.

It's like a library. What I would say though is Miles doesn't say in the email at all whether he's happy with the result or not and he doesn't include a picture of his hair so i'm not sure whether he's making it clear that the haircut is up to standard in terms of what they're actually being paid to do which is cut hair if they're usps i don't talk to you that's fine but they still need to be able to do the job. Yeah, okay.

Yeah. Let's not lose sight of that. I think you should be able to add different things into the mix as well. I would sort of ask them, I would pay more to get someone who would cut your hair

with one of those big scissors they use to open a supermarket. Yeah. That would be nice. That's kind of nice to see that. Samurai sword, I would like you to put, instead of using sort of dry shampoo or that kind of thickening stuff for um thin-haired people um i would like you to

use suet please yeah and just like yeah really sort of like just ask weird things and see how far they'd go for it this is probably going to be the most middle-class thing i've said this week yeah um but my hairdresser puts a pound on your bill so it's a donation towards like environmental causes and stuff okay which is a bit annoying on one level because you know you don't get to you can't really say i mean you might as well just fucking go in there and burn a load of oil and say you don't want to put the so you don't put the pound on but the pound on. But what's quite interesting is part of the thing they do with that money is they pay for a company

to come and collect up all the cut-off hair, which they then go and process that hair and use it for oil spills. It's probably really, really good for soaking up oil in oil spills. Put them in big tights and stuff, and it sort of sucks it up. But if you into mars's hairdresser you can't tell him whether you want that or not so you want to do something environmentally responsible i'm not saying anything

the but but i would say that um they i'm whenever i go into like a service station i buy some petrol um they the so garage near my house always says do you want to want to add 25 pence or a pound for charity? And I've spoken about this before on the show, and we got a bit of clarity from one of our kind listeners who basically said, yeah, it is a tax write-off. So I will press that button with gusto that says no, and I will eyeball the man behind the desk. And I just hope he knows that I know what the hell's going on.

But who's missing out here? hope he knows that i know what the hell's going on all right but you're who's who's missing out here uh well the charity but also so doesn't get to write off that tax so the so right gets to s the charity uh loses out but also so lose out so it's one off for donaldson you never um you never hear from people who don't want big oil companies to pay tax well no, no. I mean, even the... Yeah, I guess even the oil PR people wouldn't say that. Well, no, a while back, we were really through the looking glass the other week, weren't we, when the guy who runs Shell was like,

yeah, we should really probably pay more tax. I mean, I've made it very clear to the government they should be taxing us more. And the government is still going, no, fucking not throwing shit all over us. No, here we go. We're very stymied. The economy, we want to generate more wealth.

We've grown the economy. We can't be doing this tax stuff. They're saying tax. They're saying do it. Yeah, taxes. We like to be taxed. When you're a kid, it never happened where your mum said, do you want another bit of chocolate pudding?

And the kid's saying, no. It doesn't happen. It's the same thing. If they're saying do it, then do it. That's them saying it. Do it. By the same thing if they're saying do it then do it that's them saying it do it by the way

before we go can I just ask if you've been watching any of I'm a Celebrity get me out of here by virtue of the fact that I want to play the new Monkey Island game

I've been sat while my partner watches it and I've been playing Monkey Island with my headphones on so I've watched I've seen little bits and

bobs I watched I watched Chris Moyles and do you think Chris Moyles would look like that if he hadn't lost a lot of weight would that be his default kind of

look like for us fatties as a problem because but like but if you lose it too quick you'd look you start to look very odd yeah and and he's and he's lost

that he lost that weight like you know 15 years ago 10 years ago but like he do you reckon And he's lost that weight like, you know, 15 years ago or 10 years ago or whatever. But like, do you reckon that he would always have looked like that if he wasn't an absolute tank?

What I've found is, you know what I've found? Someone whose weight fluctuates quite a lot, I'm not trying to trigger anyone listening who has weight issues or anything like that.

I mean, I would consider myself to be in the same boat as you if you are listening. I have weight issues. I go up and down and I want to fucking lose weight and I can't,

but I'm just lucky that fucking genetics have dealt me this little skinny body, but I've still got a little pot belly I would very much like to remove. Well, what I find, and I fluctuate quite a bit and it's kind of a mental thing for me.

I sometimes get into the mindset where I'm like, right, I'm going to be healthy and I'll be like quite, actually very sort of stringently healthy for say two or three months and I'll lose loads of weight and then I'll just drift off it. But the point I I'm going to be healthy, and I'll be quite, actually very stringently healthy for, say, two or three months. I'll lose loads of weight, and then I'll just drift off it. But the point I was just going to make was,

to answer your question around about weight, when I lose a bit of weight, I feel like I look a lot older. Right, okay. Because I think, for me, there's a fleshiness. I'm not speaking on behalf of anyone else. For me, there's a fleshiness. I think if you were like... And that kind of hides wrinkles and stuff.

I think if you were like... If you lost... If you suddenly became like Producer Finn, who's very tall, but very thin, I think you would look very... I don't think... You just wouldn't suit it. No. It wouldn't suit your frame.

Some people... I think that you're your perfect weight. I'm not saying... But if I were to hit the jungle for four weeks, I probably would lose a load of timber, wouldn't I? Because you're only eating beans. Why are they allowed to do it? Why would you sort of...

I mean, I guess, you know, it's a challenge and stuff, but... But the reason I asked the question in the first play is there's two reasons. I don't want to get too earnest because we're going to get out of here in a minute, but just very, very briefly. And we'll skip over the idea of fucking Matt Hancock. No, we're not

going to skip over that because I'm going to fucking do that in a minute. A company that tries to humanise that absolute shithead. Yeah, I was going to come on to that. It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. The worst. That's too much. But I think...

We watch United Passions for the first time. I'll sell you that in that wine bar advert. What I was going to say was I'm not very comfortable with the cruelty to animals aspect of it, which I think is unnecessary. That's what I was going to say. The second point is I'm not even going to go to town on Matt Hancock individually, even though I

politically don't agree with him and even though I think he's a fucking idiot, I'm not going to do that because I think that in that environment at that time, it's probably a lot more complicated and a lot more difficult than people think. I don't think he deserves any credit by any means, but I don't want to go into stuff that I don't fully understand

although I don't think he did a brilliant job, but that's not the point. The point I was going to make was, Pete, one of the biggest issues in our society at the moment is the blurring of the lines between politics and entertainment. And politicians are supposed to be serious people. They're supposed to take their constituents' needs very seriously and they're supposed to make big decisions for the best of the country first and foremost.

And the fact that it's turned to an entertainment product, far worse than the US, by the way, but they kind of have a different approach to it and that's probably a conversation for another time. But I think what Matt Hancock's doing here, what Matt Hancock's done here is further blurred those lines between politics and entertainment. And ITV have got a lot to answer for for that

because they've essentially reduced it down to a kind of lines between politics and entertainment and itv i've got a lot to answer for for that because they've essentially reduced it down to a kind of love him or hate him here he is kind of thing and it's like it shouldn't be about that and so that is very very disappointing to see because he even himself because he's such a tragic loser he said to going in i just want people to see the human side of the guy behind the podium you know all i did was fall in love and that's why i broke like fuck off like you've got to take responsibility for this you came into this presumably ultimately for the power for the money for the altruistic feeling that you're doing the good for the country or whatever however misguided that's what you want to do and you fucked it up so the fact that you fucked it up means you've got to take your medicine

and your medicine doesn't involve a rehabilitation on a fucking reality show with other celebrities because you're not a celebrity. By definition, you are not. It's a category error. Because he fucked it up. He fucked a load of stuff up. But my point, I agree with that. But my point is, even if he did a brilliant job, Pete, he still shouldn't be doing it.

He still shouldn't be on there. brilliant job, Pete. He still shouldn't be doing it. He still shouldn't be on there. But I think also there's that kind of appetite for that kind of like, you know, social media needs like new meat every single day. They need the prime minister saying that they're being very naughty

running through a field of wheat. They need Ed Miliband eating a fucking bacon sandwich in the debate. I'm using the debate i'm fucking i'm using the debate in big old fucking inverted commas there but you know we sort of have this idea that that that right is somehow uh responsible for that i don't think it is in that in that case having a fucking pop at the government and making um uh you know everything into a fucking meme uh it's both sides of of of of the show i would say on that one and it's kind of like it it's it

we've created we have created it you know we've sort of pointed at these fucking bellends and went what a fucking prick this is embarrassing blah blah blah and then everybody else just tries to find gets more juice out of uh matt hancock or whichever fucking public school twit um has found himself in in the firing line. We're all to fucking blame. We've made this world. I think you should be... I would agree with that. I think you should be... But advertisers shouldn't be fucking advertising on a product

that's rehabilitating these fucking nerds. I think if you sign up to be an MP, you shouldn't be eligible for this stuff. You should... I'm relinquishing my right to that. If you're an MP, you're not allowed to do that and and you get you get paid a fair whack more money and you uh and you can't be on any boards of anything yeah i agree with that as well i totally agree with that yeah anyway i just want

i quite like it's weird because i quite i think if i'm being totally honest i look at reality tv generally and i'm not a tv snob i watch all different types of tvs you know i'd probably say that i'm a celebrity is the most interesting of them. I'd like to... Sets it apart, I suppose. I'd like them to not be... Less coiffured. Having all these animals in there because I think that's really unnecessary and cruel. But aside from that, I think it's a fairly good

show. I think Ant and Dec are brilliant. But everyone says that, don't they? It's kind of a thing that people say, isn't it? It is, though, isn't it? Anyone doesn't like them. Which in its own way makes me suspicious. People who don't know. It's kind of a thing that people say, isn't it? It is, though, isn't it? Anyone doesn't like them, which in its own way makes me suspicious. People who don't like drunk drivers? I mean, there's that. Oh, yeah.

But that's the thing, Pete. In many ways, that accentuates my point, doesn't it? Yeah, that you're so lovable that you get away with that kind of behaviour. Yeah. Mad, isn't it? Yeah. But anyway, I just don't know.

I know Scarlett a little bit, who's in there. She's the best. She's so nice. Which one? Scarlett? Scarlett a little bit, who's in there. She's the best. She's so nice. Which one's Scarlett? Scarlett Douglas. She's a property presenter. She's been in here a few times. We did a couple of pilots with her.

Right, okay. Really lovely. I know her brother a bit as well. He's a good guy as well. So I hope she does well. I don't want to see old cockles in there. Just don't want to see them in there. Just don't want to see them.

Don't want to see them. And this is the thing. Very quickly, everyone's loving the fact that he's given all the challenges and all the horrible things to do. But that's what he wants. He wants the attention.

He loves that he's being voted. He doesn't, you know, in his world, getting voted for is brilliant. He loves the votes. So don't, don't feel like you're doing him over

by voting for him. You're giving him the attention he wants. You're misunderstanding it. A heel is a, you're giving him the attention he wants you're misunderstanding it a heel is a they sort of talk about Triple H as being like nobody's favourite wrestler is Triple H he created, as MJF

the other wrestler sort of pointed out The Rock well just by being the heel being the nemesis so as soon as you walk into an arena everyone's booing you and so as soon as your adversary enters the arena everyone's cheering for you so they make

more money because this person's a fucking bellend in real life and politics shouldn't be fucking wrestling but it is wrestling's better very very similar. And I'd like to see more injuries in politics.

I'm only joking. I'd love to see him take a stunner. His head popped right off. But it doesn't hurt anyway, does it? If done properly, yeah. It's very easy to hurt yourself. Yeah, but I'm just saying, if you were the victim of a Stone Cold stunner

and it was done properly by the man himself, it wouldn't hurt you, would it? No, no, no. None of them should hurt properly. I mean, unless you're throwing yourself onto the floor and stuff. But yeah. Speaking of which, I'm off to throw myself on the floor now. All right.

We'll be back next time. We'll be back on Thursday for more of this. So look forward to that. Thank you very much to those of you who got in touch. Appreciate you, Mitch. Appreciate you, Lauren, for your lovely poem. Kind of appreciate you, Lewis, for stitching me up. And the rest of you please do get in touch hello at lukeandpeacher.com we're very very happy to hear from you if you want anything us you know anything you want us to

talk about or um perhaps you've got an email comment on the stuff we've already talked about that'd be great in the meantime do leave us a five-star review wherever you get your pods and tell your friends it's the most powerful and it's kind of successfully insightful and effective than you can do to help our show is tell your friends

and leave a five-star review I know most of you are no longer listening to this because I've started the tone change which means the outro is on its way and you moved

on to your next podcast by now I might shout something weird though exactly Pete's still here though you never know what you're going to get

gobble gobble there we go see thank you very much and we'll see you next time weird though. Exactly. Pete's still here though. You never know what you're going to get. Gobble, gobble. There we go. See? Thank you very much and we'll see you next time. Park this way. I'm just looking at a can of dog food. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

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