The Luke and Pete Show - King Herald of Hammertime

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Pete’s New Year’s resolution no. 387: Get into running. Today, we hear all about how he is approaching the task with a predictable amount of chaotic energy.Elsewhere, a listener is ready to join our revolution against Wayfair after having a nightmarish experience while buying a sofa and we receive an update on our friend Herald who brought a hammer to Christmas.Want to join the revolution? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete show. It's Monday the 16th of January and I'm in fine fettle. I don't know about Lukey Moore. Lukey Moore, are you in fine fettle like what I am? I think I don't feel confident enough to say I am.

I feel like it should be for others to judge. Can I check with my wife? Yeah. Is she concerned about your fettle at any moment? Does she ever turn to you and sort of go, I worry about your fettle. We have a weekly fettle morning on a Monday morning, actually. I'm late for it today.

Stalking to those fettles. So, yes. If you want to talk about your fettle, and I say, let's talk about fettles. How is your fettle? What makes you such a fine fettle? Because I think me and our listeners are used to perhaps hearing some of the more difficult situations you find yourself in. Re-health, re-position, personal position.

So why don't you enlighten us? Well, to be honest, in the last couple of days, I genuinely thought, look, I'm always ill. I'm always feeling ill. I'm always worried that I'm going to be ill in the future. So you had a ill in the future. Is this how I really want to spend my 40s? Is it just worrying about everything? I feel like that.

I'm just going to get out there, baby. And Lukey Moa, I've done something three times last week that I've never done in my life. Had full penetrative sex. That's pathetic. That's pathetic. Actually, even for you, that's pathetic.

I went for a little jog. Oh, yes. Excellent. I'm pleased to hear that because I'm a jogging bore, so you carry on. Yeah. Up and down.

Honestly, it was like, you know like when Jurassic Park, when the, I don't know what kind of animals they are, what kind of- Dinosaurs, mate, I think. Dinosaurs where that where um sam neill has to um take shelter behind a big rock um yes they run past the log and stuff it's actually a log but tree trunk but yeah okay um it was like that basically everyone obviously in january has taken up jogging

and the dog walkers of advancing years were honestly laughing their heads off at how many people were stumbling and bumbling up and down uh marine parade uh in in south end and uh yeah absolutely incredible like everybody not really knowing what they're doing sort of stumbling along yeah me really finding it quite difficult to get anything done um but i've i've kind of um invented a kind of running that only is the only kind of running i can do which is uh sprinting for 60 seconds not even that sprinting for 20 seconds yeah walking for 10 seconds sprinting for 20 seconds walking for 10 seconds and i think that's broadly fine that's probably quite good for your fitness they call that fart training interval training

is really good for your fitness fart leg fart leg f-a-r-t-l-e-k it comes from scandinavia right really good for your kind of um aerobic fitness right so we used to do um yeah we used to used to have to do sprint the width of the pitch then jog slash walk the length of the pitch then sprint the width of the pitch and then and then reverse it to sprint the width of the pitch then jog slash walk the length of the pitch then sprint the width of the pitch and then reverse it so sprint the length then walk the width that's really good for football fitness

because it's all about intervals but I think when you're coming to actually enjoying jogging because it doesn't sound like I mean I'm reading between the lines here but it doesn't sound like you've enjoyed it a great deal no it's rubbish

I hate it I genuinely think it's I've said it on another podcast this week, I genuinely think it might be for stupid people. Well, listen, guilty. I think the two main tips I would dish out if you are interested in running properly, and this is basically focused and targeting men

because women don't tend to do either of these things. Don't run in stupid trainers that aren't suitable for running that's number one because it's really yeah because the impact on your joints when you run is four or five times heavier than your body weight so every single step so that's not good if you've not got good trainers and it really helps you and the second one is and this is much more of a male focused thing it's an ego led thing is that don't set off too fast like you what you have to do is really consciously settle in to what you think your comfortable pace is it doesn't matter what it is because as i say you're lapping everyone on the on the sofa anyway so don't

i've been overtaken by the the amount of old people i've been overtaken by is is uncountable but it doesn't matter because you've got to set it into your pace. Because what people tend to do is they go off. In their mind, they're still 19 years old. And they run for about five minutes quite fast and go, well, I can't do running. I'm knackered. It's like the running speed isn't like three-quarters of your maximum speed. It's probably about 20%.

And you can build into it. You can get faster as you get used to it. Your body gets used to it so that's what you've got to do if you really want to enjoy it you need to essentially put your ego to one side and just jog

at a very comfortable pace and the final thing I would say is I've got a couple of friends from back in the day who were brilliant football players who played at semi-pro level and all the rest of it

and I've still got them on Instagram and a couple of those are my age now and they're running slower than me and they don't care they just do it so it's it's it's about kind of moving your ego to one side if you want to really enjoy and i do i do honestly believe once you get to a quite competent level where you can run for say

45 minutes an hour maybe even longer in that comfortable pace it is such a nice feeling it's i i know you've got to get over a bump, but I just, I'm basically running against myself, aren't you? You're sort of going, to your own head, you're sort of saying,

well, you're going to, you really need to stop now, because, as I've said before, you're not being chased. Your brain certainly goes, why are we doing this? Yeah.

And the only adversary is myself. And it turns out, I'm not a competitive adversary. I'm and the only adversary is myself and it turns out i'm not a competitive adversary i'm not a worthy adversary for myself like oh fuck it i'll stop yeah yeah exactly that and i don't know how to get out of that boulevard i think it's a case of i definitely feel like so if i go for a while when i haven't run for a bit and i have to start again it's hard because you haven't got that that kind of fitness in your legs or your chest and i have to just put something on the headphones that distracts me completely i'd really just grip my teeth and get through it but it does start to get easier and i honestly honestly if you get into it it's a nice say you have a nice sunday morning

and the sun's shining and there's not a breath of wind in the air especially where you live right by the ocean i know you wouldn't have a huge amount of non-windy days but if you were to get one and you were fit enough to do 45 minutes to an hour a nice comfortable pace for your the benefits for your mental health are unbelievable it's such a nice feeling you but you feel i feel healthy you feel happy you know it's a really good thing i did feel better i did feel better i was stressed out i'm i'm away next week so i'm trying to square a load of stuff away and i was very stressed out and it did help me but fundamentally it's i just can't get past that sort of yeah pete why are we doing this like yeah i love football and i could play football for hours and hours and hours but nobody wants to play football with me for hours and hours in the

south end area no so it's difficult but i would play i would play any game of football going i've knocked on every door, haven't you? I've knocked on every door with football under my arm. With your Queen Elizabeth II mask on. But Pete, you know what annoys me about this? This is a really good, interesting discussion about running. Someone who runs a fair amount, me. Someone who doesn't, you.

It's annoying we haven't got a sponsor for this chat. Should have a sponsor. What do you mean? And it's some kind of energy like uh some kind of energy powder some kind of energy powder yeah i think i think a lot of people probably a lot of brands fitness brands and you know apparel yeah look at us and go no fucking way thanks very much but can you stop wearing that fleece on that webcam he wears he wears it pete wears a lot of like football kits but he doesn't look like a footballer I think you should stick at it

I think our listeners would absolutely love to hear how your progress goes just more opportunities to roll my ankle I think I need that in my life really that's also important the longest I've ever run without stopping is I think 17 miles and that was ridiculous I shouldn't have done that

you're an idiot absolute crap I i think i did in between thing is though i was walking a lot of it but i was running as much as i could and i did like you know three odd miles or whatever yeah the chaotic energy involved in that from you it's perfectly on the on the on brand for you if i was walking my dog down the seafront i don't peace out for a run and you were just sprinting as fast as you could for 35 seconds then it was you know what you know what it's not a good look off a running track is it running like really running as fast just calm down just calm down for fuck's sake what are you doing i'll go right that fucking bus stop i'll run that bus stop as fast as

i can and absolutely peg it and people do look like you're really being fucking chased. Yeah, because you don't see anyone running as fast as they physically can very often. Unless you've gone to a specific sporting event. Oh, I saw a great guy, a great sprinter yesterday. Oh, what did you go to? Did you go to the Wembley or go to Crystal Palace Stadium? No, no, he was on the seafront on his own.

Yeah. In no top on. Two Tree Island. Just stopping every five minutes having a cry. Did you accidentally run into the sea as well? It's very hilly though as well because obviously I'm at the sea. Everything's just got a fucking hill on it. Everything's got a camber.

It's murder on the old knees. But I went home. I plotted my little how much I'd run on some kind of map. And I was quite impressed how quickly you can munch up a mile or two. Yeah. I mean, yeah, sometimes it just feels,

do you know what, running is a weird one because sometimes I've heard even like, I've, I've read even really top quality athletes say this. Sometimes for some reason, I don't think anyone really knows why, you get out, you feel good and you can't do it.

Like you get a mile and a half and you're like, I can't do it. And then sometimes you feel like you've, you've got no chance. And as soon as you get out there, you can feel and you can't do it like you get a mile and a half and you're like i can't do it and then sometimes you feel like you've got no chance as soon as you get out there you feel like you can run forever it's a really strange um almost you know ephemeral thing but do you have decent trainers or not yeah i bought some decent trainers last year when i thought i was going to do it it's taking six months to get out there oh you got there out there in the end mate i'll support you i'll support you wholeheartedly apparently the best pace for your fitness

is a pace where you could have if you were running with someone else where you could have a quite breathy limited conversation that's about right it's just sticking out I find it very difficult it's a metaphor for your life it is, It really is.

I just get so bored. But I did resurrect an old iPod. You know those little tiny little iPod touches? Here comes the reason for the run. Good. Okay, so basically you're reenacting an advert from about 2007. Yes. I painted myself completely black with some white headphones.

Yeah. And that's why people were looking at me. And you only listened to... That's why people were looking at me. And you only listened to the second Arctic Monkeys album. Is that right? No, it was all old shit punk rock. Of course it was. You listened to the Mad Caddies, you were listening to Real Big Fish,

you were listening to Smash Mouth, and you were listening to... Smash Mouth? Why are you bringing Smash Mouth into this? They're a joke. I don't know. On that scene, which I'm not that familiar with, I find it impossible

to work out which of the serious bands are which aren't. That's the problem. There's very little difference between Alien Ant Farm and Less Than Jake. There's just no difference. They're a big name in that scene. What I've been doing, Pete,

is last week. So my house has been decorated from next week, right? And so they've asked a certain amount of concessions so they can actually decorate. And one of them is that they want all the big bits of furniture in the middle of the room so they can throw a sheet over them and then all the other bits that can come out of the room need to come out of the room.

So as a result, it's difficult for me to actually do anything around the house in out of the room. So as a result, it's difficult for me to actually do anything around the house in terms of leisure time. So I put... As long as it's on the periphery of your room. Yeah, I don't know where anything is. I had to reset up this home recording stuff just before today's record.

And if those people listening can notice, it might sound slightly different where I am because there's absolutely no furniture in this room. So anyway, the point is, i just thought i need to put a couple of movies on just to relax and um i ended up watching um the film roadhouse roadhouse with um patrick swazer yeah and i watched a cocktail with not patrick swazer but patrick swazer could have done a job, I reckon. Well, this is the thing.

And for those listening who aren't familiar with those films, I recommend you go and watch them. They're available on any streaming service, I think, for free. If you subscribe, which doesn't make any sense. You have to pay to subscribe, but they're on there. And I watched Roadhouse first. And I hadn't seen it since I think I was about 15. And I think I watched it when I was babysitting for someone when I was about 15.

And I watched it and I actually thought it was okay. I didn't think it was too bad. And I watched Cocktail, which I thought was quite poor. But interestingly, the inversion of that is that I couldn't work out for the life of me why Patrick Swayze was so popular in the 80s. Like absolutely no charisma whatsoever. Yeah. But Tom Cruise on the other hand was electric. So he was like electrically

good in a bad film and it was the opposite for Roadhouse. Have you seen either movie, Peter? I've not seen, I've only seen, actually, no, I've not seen either film. It's one of those films that sort of sits in the public consciousness and Roadhouse is very much that family guy sketch where he just kicks someone in the head and sh. And Roadhouse is very much that family guy sketch

where he just kicks someone in the head and goes, shouts, Roadhouse. That's kind of... I've seen that. So Roadhouse is just like a kind of side of the motorway kind of club or pub sort of thing. So basically, it kind of introduces the idea of a whole scene where...

A whole scene of roadhouses. No, where men are bouncers that move around different clubs, keeping fights in order. Right, okay. And Patrick Swayze is apparently the best, and he's up at some place up in New York City, and he gets invited to a place down in... I think it's down like...

I don't know where it is, actually. I think it might be down in Kansas or something. Right. And he has to take over... He has to basically sort out this town which is being run by this nefarious corrupt like a dude why is it down to the bouncers to solve i know and he kind of takes it upon himself to to just be the guy who takes care of everything i don't really know why because it's almost like he's given an assignment and then and that's to to clear up all the fighting at this particularly rough bar and he kind of does that.

And then he goes way beyond this brief. There's a bit of mission creep. He falls in love with a woman who turns out to be, I think, the ex-wife of this bad organized crime mafia guy. But all the henchmen for the mafia guy are just good old boy rednecks, right? So it's kind of a weird thing. They're not really frightening. They're just like, they've just got truckers caps on and braces.

Yeah, exactly. And I think with, I mean, at the end of the day, they can't be that big and frightening because at the end of the day, their main kind of adversary is Patrick Swayze, who, the best bouncers in the world don't look like Patrick Swayze. No. They look like they're six foot five and they are fat as fuck.

Just thick. And they just squish people. Yeah. Thick boys. Yeah, they're bigger boys. Yeah, bigger boys. And Patrick is, bless him, God rest him, because he's no longer with us, but he seems to be good at quite slow martial arts.

He looks really good, but you can't really, he's got no expression on his face. His face is expressionless and like his popularity in terms of being a heartthrob in the 80s i think it's a bit of a fever dream it's not really aged well but the point is that when he looks about 50 at 25 as well massively but then one one the reason i brought it up is the one one scene i really wanted to talk about is like there's an absolutely shocking scene in it where he has a fight

with the main so you know obviously because it's the age of like Streets of Rage and all these kind of platform video games so there's obviously

clearly like an end of level boss and then there's like a henchman boss and so the end of level boss obviously it all happens at the end and then

but his main henchman you know like they normally have about 15 henchmen in these 80s movies, but only so one of them is ever named. And the named one's the main one, right? So the named one, the main one,

he ends up having a fight with Patrick Swayze on the beach or on the riverbank or whatever, side of his lake. And he's obviously a really good fighter as well. So they have this fight and they fight him. And then the girl who's there, because it's really good fighter as well so they have this fight and they fight him and then the girl who's there

because it's really sexy as well the movies are so sexy the women have absolutely no input at all other than to look good right and so they go no she's going no

please don't fight please don't fight and they're like we're fighting whether you fucking like it or not because you are absolutely supplementary to this plot

so stay over there and anyway the fight culminates with Patrick Swayze like visibly ripping the other guy's throat out with his hand wow i've never really seen that before no it's quite shocking to watch it's like the wrestler haku pulling out a man's entire teeth set yeah similar popping a man's eye but the woman much. The woman who doesn't want them to fight is a doctor, right? And she goes over there and she's like looking at him,

like working on him and stuff. And she's like, I can't save him. I was like, of course you can't fucking save him. He's got his whole neck ripped out. I've done no medical training. I can tell you that man is instantly dead. It's horrific what's happened to him. She's like the wind.

Yeah. Well, that's her. Isn't that, what film is that from? That's not Roadhouse. That's just Swayze's song, isn't it? It's from a movie, definitely. Is it from Dirty Dancing? It might be.

I don't know. Why would he be singing? He's a dancer. I don't know. Confusing. He wrote a couple of songs, didn't he, for some of the movies he's in? Yeah. I need to find out which one it is. But anyway, it's a couple of songs, didn't he, for some of the movies he's in? Yeah, yeah. I need to find out which one it is.

But anyway, it's a mad movie. Really, really strange. And Cocktail is... I actually thought it was okay. But Cocktail isn't okay. But even so, what you find with that is that you could just watch anything with Tom Cruise in it. Yeah, he's just very dynamic.

He's so handsome. Very magnetic. Yeah, absolutely magnetic is exactly the right word. And the film is preposterous, by the way. What does he actually do? He just turns up, makes some cocktails, everyone goes, mmm, delicious. Yeah, basically. And then at one point like

he's got this mentor played by the australian actor brian brown and um tom cruise starts out as this guy who wants to be a um like a millionaire kind of businessman but he can't get a job anywhere so at the end so he ends up at the end of his tether just asking for a job it turns out to be tgi fridays by the way it's an actual tgi fridays like it's got a load of product placement in it right which to british people is funny because it's just like a shit restaurant that no one goes to but i guess in in new york in that particular time it was a um it was a cocktail bar of some repute and he learns how to make cocktails under this mentor right then they try they think about starting their own cocktail bar called cocktails and dreams

which is just bad it's bad and it's at one point at one point like cruise becomes this like poet poem performing cocktail bar where he jumps up on the table and does poems it's like mate it takes long enough to make a fucking cocktail anyway can you not do a fucking poem in the middle of it anyway he gets fucked over by his mentor and they kind of he ends up going to the

to the Caribbean and it all it gets a bit boring after that to be honest but I mean I watched them both all the way through

which I guess is saying something I suppose what kind of like 80s stuff were you doing at the time drinking like a classic fighting a minor fighting a minor What kind of 80s stuff were you doing at the time? Drinking a classic 80s drink. Fighting a minor.

Fighting a minor. Fighting a cold minor. Malibu and Coke. Yeah, fighting a cold minor, yeah. Speaking of the most delicious cocktail, Prime. Oh, yeah. We've had a good few years. How are you getting on with that?

Since we last spoke. I've been unable or unwilling or just I've just got distracted with other things I've not picked up bottles of prime to make it less

cool they're about 100 quid a time aren't they now that's back five so apparently so there's this there's this wine it's

off-license wakey wine from Wakefield yeah Mohammed Azhar Nazir has been selling bottles of Prime for £100. Now, and he's

put it on TikTok of him selling these bottles of Prime for £100. But it turns out, I mean, I would probably suggest that he's probably not selling it for £100. He's just sort of saying will you pretend that we just sold this for £ pounds?

Like, why would you agree to be on the TikTok? Could I ask a question? Why has he been banned from TikTok for that? I don't really know. Yeah, I don't really know. Because people are selling stuff all the time, really. I don't know. It must be some kind of leading the kids astray or something.

I don't know. But KSI has apparently asked fans to stop buying Prime at these inflated prices. I bet he fucking is. I bet he's gone, because I'm not seeing any of that shit. Yeah, because basically the margin doesn't go to me, so can you stop doing that? No, exactly, yeah.

There's like, unless, I mean, in the same way that like some, does some band, I'm fairly certain that some bands siphon off certain amounts of tickets and sell them on the black market. I'm fairly certain I've heard of bands doing that before where they'll sort of make a bit of money on the side. So why doesn't KSI just do that? Just start a Wakey Wines, but it's really KSI's booze.

It's mad how unpopular it is. Like mad. Obviously I understand we're not one of the same. It's not mad, but it's... I just feel sorry for the kids because they're just being taken for a ride once again. Well, their parents are being taken for the ride, aren't they? Well, their parents have been taken for a ride.

The reason I say it's mad is because I've seen Twitter accounts for live tracking when a shop in the UK has got it in stock. Yeah. And what I like about it is i don't know the main kind of places where you can buy them is aldi's and it's quite a nice little kind of quirk that's nice for the one aldi's and costco seem to be the ones that have have them in

stock and your test scores of this world of this world and your as does and your and your sainsbury's and stuff don't seem to be getting involved yeah yeah they've missed the trick over that or they've they've obviously didn't want to be taken for a ride on the on the cost price they probably just didn't want kids flipping out and fighting each other in the stalls what about those shops that say only two school children at once yes how are they gonna do it how are they gonna how are they gonna sell their prime good point good point well wakey wines probably had that rule until Prime got involved but yeah fascinating people driving all that way

from like you know Deptford to Wakefield just to buy I saw some videos Pete of adults doing that

adults who aren't old enough to have kids who are influenced by KSI and I thought what are you doing with your life I understand you're free to do whatever you want and you buy whatever products you want

but you say you're absolutely admitting here that you've driven like three hours to come to the shop to buy some energy drink for 100 quid but they don't seem to be sort of saying it's for my kid, my kid really wanted it they're just going 100 quid for this fucking sugar water so you need to get on the case mate

what do you mean? you said you're going to bring them down by making them uncool well according to this bloody prime tracker UK I'll have to go to Stornoway for one the spa in Stornoway or the Isle of Iona

how'd they get them up there they've got nothing up there I don't know maybe they came from I don't know I do not know but fascinating a fascinating little quirk

of modern life shall we take a short ad break and then we back with some just a couple of emails I suppose. Yeah, all right, sounds good. Let's do that.

Sweet. It's the Luke and Pete show and my name is Pete D. That's quite nice. That's quite nice. That was nice. I knew as I was entering the words Pete D

into my brain, using my brain keyboard, I was like, this has gone well and it's only getting better from here on in. Well done, me. I think if you were to take it't wait hang on a minute i want to come back on that let me talk to me about it sorry um okay if you pull if you got all the kind of mental crumbs out from

under the keys on your brain keyboard i think you'd be a force to be reckoned with mate mine are very loud cherry mx uh really clicky clacky. It's a gaming keyboard. It's got lights in it. Yeah, it is real. It's got LEDs. It's very distracting. It's very loud. I got a message from Daniel. Hello, both. Luke, I want you to know that you are not alone in your Wayfair struggles.

Good. I hope we're not sponsored by Wayfair this week. If you're on set, I have access to and I recently moved apartments and bought a new sofa from Wayfair. It was a six-piece sectional, aren't we all? And the shipping confirmation email said it would come in three boxes. The day it arrived, the moving guy brought one box inside and started to leave. I asked him if that was it, and he said, that's all I've got. As I opened the box and took out its contents, I quickly realised that no, Wayfair had not stuffed a six-piece sectional into one box, just the middle section of the sofa.

After multiple phone calls, Wayfair apologised for the mix-up and said the rest of the couch would be sent to us. Another month passed, and eventually another box showed up. It's like a fucking, someone's sending fingers back, isn't it? It's like a wicked psychological game. Yeah, I opened it up and lo and behold it was the same section of the couch we already had good stuff a uh a quick phone call back to warfare came to the same result another apology we'll come pick up the extra piece this

time now you're taking away from me are you that's what i'm saying before promising again that we get the rest of the couch all of this was happening around the holidays, so after the New Year, I called and told them that I still had a third of a couch twice, and that needed to be sorted out. Not a sentence you ever want to utter, that. No. The customer service lady said that her notes showed

that the couch had been discontinued, and she was shocked. Nobody thought to tell me that in two months since we made the purchase. Where are the other two thirds of my couch? How can they have multiple versions of the other two thirds of my couch? How can they have multiple versions of one piece but none of the others? Nobody knows.

The refund has now been processed and we have since bought another couch, not from Wayfair, that will arrive on the 16th. Another lengthy warning against this seemingly incompetent company. What I like about this email, Daniel, who ends the email saying, thank you for making my afternoon jogs more interesting run fast Daniel run fast run as fast as you can Daniel and then just stop for a bit you've still not

solved the old issue have you really you are going to be either really happy with the new couch or maybe you're going to be sent two thirds of a couch twice yes we want to know that story from daniel is why you should always without exception make your own couches out of disused cereal boxes and dirty bandages yeah soiled bandages yeah soiled bandages that's

a great email daniel thank you for that i appreciate you throwing your support behind the Wayfair campaign of disaster that I've had to endure. Still haven't had my Wayfair problem sorted out. Although they appear to have given up. This is the thing. This is one thing I can't stress enough and I don't want to get all Martin Lewis about it. And he would never say this,

but this is a Martin Lewis style comment. A lot of companies will just give up. And if you could be stubborn enough to stick it out and last the course you will emerge victorious through like a war of attrition that's what happened with me of enterprise rent-a-car they came after me for 800 quid completely erroneously by the way in my view for months and then after a while i just got a tail between the legs letter saying right you're no longer able to rent with Rent-A-Car. Fine. Take it.

Deal. I would have signed for that on day one. So you've wasted your time there. I think it's the same with waiver. I think when you start putting a bit of resistance, they have to play the numbers game. They can't be. Just don't let them win.

Back yourself and just, you know. Yeah. And at the end of the day, they'll get more exhausted than you are. Or unless you run as fast as you can to their office. Exactly, yeah, smash them up. Let's do one more email before we go. Let's squeeze this one in.

This is from Luke. It's a follow-up from those of you who regularly listen will remember before Christmas, when on one of our Christmas specials, I think, Luke, our friend Luke, emailed about his nan's cousin who for no reason brought a hammer to christmas dinner the weird fella he brought a hammer along yeah showing off his new hammer yeah fun luke says um i've been chatting about the hammer instant since your show with my older cousin and she recalls his name was herald right and his other name was herald or he's

changed his name doesn't matter and she recalls herald declaring while sat at the head of the dinner table with no context whatsoever i've never had sexual intercourse right right i mean why is he bringing it up there then why is he bringing it up at dinner it's a high risk conversational strategy uh isn't it uh and i think the reaction you just gave for that was probably the reaction he got around the table but apparently luke says my mum also confirmed that he said this she also confirmed that he once brought a fake mirror to Christmas that laughed at you when you looked into it. Harold always had a solid supply

of practical joke toys like this, from fake to cap guns supplied by his friend Jimmy Shoelaces. Not sure why he was given that same name, but it's apparently sure he's not made up. It sounds made up. I mean, the whole thing sounds made up, but I don't mind. I would very much like to meet Harold. I would very much like to co-host

a podcast with Harold he sounds absolutely fantastic I'm probably the Harold if you'd be the Jimmy Shoelaces you're always scheming I've never had sexual intercourse it's a bad thing isn't it I remember once being in a packed car driving my friend

and some of his family somewhere this was like 20 plus years ago so i can't remember why but he had quite a young brother and um he's just he just learned how to speak i think i think he must i don't know how old he was but he could speak but he was just a bit kind of random with his speech and you know and you know kids go through those phases but they just they can speak and they just say any old shit and yeah and um the car was really quiet i can't remember where we were going doesn't matter and the kid just said i'll never forget this i don't know why he said it but i'll never forget it he the kid out of nowhere just went i mostly know things about machines

and it was like quite haunting it was like quite kind of sinister mostly yeah mostly know things about machines it's good that he's got a really good kind of a clear idea about who he is that boy grew up into pete donaldson exactly it's a bit it's pete donaldson energy that isn't it a little bit yeah a little bit anyway if you've heard if you've heard if you've heard anything like that email in hello at luke and peach.com but that's all we've got time for for today's show although we will be back on thursday and i've noticed that's all we've got time for for today's show although we will be back on Thursday and I've noticed in the inbox we've got some absolutely belting batteries

to go through on Thursday I can't wait for that so do tune in to Thursday's episode hit that subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode and maybe while you're there check out some of the other

stack shows as well because there's a lot of stuff to get stuck into for all tastes needs and some of your darkest desires by which I mean Pete's show about wrestling

um lovely that's it pete should we say goodbye yep let's get out of here see you later oh well The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.