The Luke and Pete Show - Knob Out All Day

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

At the onsen, it is customary to walk around with your old lad out. Pete, on his recent trip to Japan, followed said custom. On an entirely different note, we return to the subject of bad podcasting, which naturally leads to a chat about Chekhov’s gun and Occam’s razor.Finally, we learn more about Luke and Pete's respective experiences with road rage, plus some listener correspondence.Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: [e-mail] Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and be sure. Pete Donaldson with you, joined by Mr. Lucie Moore. Luke, would you like to live in a water tower? Yeah, why not? An old water tower. I would love... I would love.

I know. Well, no, just like a kind of... You know, one of those kind of like... on the edge of the town, but still, you know, it's still accessible for, like, sewage and electricity and stuff. No, I don't want a sewage here. Just a big...

Well, you... Okay, a place for you to expel sewage. Just a big converted water tower. Nice and high. Or like one of those log cabins you get for people who do firewatches in like Colorado or California. Well, I often fantasize about this type of life. And then every single person that knows me without exception, whether I say I'd like to move to the Lake District and do nothing.

Or I'd like to go over the highlands and become a bird spotter. Do they boo-boo you? They always go, you'd last, like, fucking 20 minutes. and then you'd be on the phone saying you're bored and what's come home. And the reason that annoys me is obviously because it's true, but also because it makes me sound like such a one-dimensional person, which of course I suppose in the grand scheme of things I probably am. So it's painful for me to contemplate these types of things

because I know I'll never do it. Yeah. There's somebody in the comments of our YouTube about the predictions for the World Cup because I predict it to be go quite deep. Oh, I like Japan and I make, I like Japan, make that my whole personality. And I was like, I can't deny it. Yeah, you do. I do.

Wrestling, you aren't wrestling. Yeah. But when something kind of dominates and it's basically, you've got, I know what I sound like when someone, you know, someone talks about some food and I go, oh, well, in Japan, they do, I know what that sounds like. It sounds like I'm bumming a wifu pillow while, you know, just watching some Japanese adult videos and, and all of which you've done.

All of which I've done. But pixelated, no thank you. Did you say they've started using AI to remove the pixels, which is just... Why do they pixelate it? I don't know, some antiquated fucking anti-prostitution law, probably. It seems to be like... But it doesn't seem to me why anyone would ever want to watch it, because there's so much other proper stuff are accessible.

I don't know, maybe it's kind of like... It's context, isn't it, I suppose? The thing you can't see, makes it even more sexy. Don't say that to me. Makes it even more sexy. Which is ironic, because we... Because when I was in Japan last week, I saw a world record amount of penises because I stayed in two onsen hotels. And onsen hotels are just basically blocs walking around with their genitalia out.

Why did you choose to stay there then? It's because it's a kind of, it's a thing that you do when you go to Japan. It's kind of historically important that, you know, Japanese people love having a public bath. Did you have your old lad out as well? I mean, I'll let out as well, yeah, in the plunge pools. Hang on. Hang on. So basically, not only if you've been going to Japan for a week,

which you claimed was for work, you've basically just been knocking about with your cock out the whole time. Well, is that not work? Making sure, making sure it's... The type of work, mate. No, it's just a hotel. And then in the evening, before sundown, you... Just work all day.

Knob out all night. You pop into the bath. Well, knob out all day if you think about the time difference. I've got my nub out at a very unseasonable time What time on average were you getting Your penis out in Japan? Tell me the time on average Once in the morning, once in the evening

I was very well washed Let's put it that way So when you're getting your knob out at like 7pm Right That's like 11 I am here Yeah It's not acceptable way It's eight hours

So yeah I was Yeah that was So it's exactly what I said then It's exactly what you said then Yeah thank you Did you look on the computer No You looked at the computer

How do you know what the time difference is? I guessed. I just guessed at eight hours. Because I'm always there and you talk about it, that's why. But yeah, just had my number. I don't mind, I don't mind cutting about naked. It's fine. I've got no self-consciousness about it. It was a very chatty, British, Asian guy who was just in the pool, just talking to everyone. And I felt like going...

Is that the done thing or not? And I felt like kind of, it was fun because it was kind of, he had quite a thick accent. which made it quite difficult for the Japanese people to understand what he was saying and the Chinese people to understand what he was saying. Would they broadly speak English as a second language or not really? Chinese more than Japanese probably.

But yeah, and he was just getting very short shift from people. I did feel like going, mate, like, talk to me. I'll talk to you. I can understand what you're saying and it's, I mean, you shouldn't be talking. You're not supposed to talk? Yeah, it's a very quiet, kind of solemn, just, everyone just, we're just,

We're just relaxing, enjoy the smell of sulphur from the volcano below, from the magma below, and just enjoy it. We went to this town actually that had basically holes in the ground that steam just fucking piled out of. It was like living... It was like, yeah, it was like a sort of living in a big geyser. And obviously they were using it for cooking and, you know, all the things you would use sitting on a, you know, geothermal, you know,

big hot bit of ground. But the problem was, like, they do, like, their sort of pipe coursing to get, getting electricity and all that stuff. But it was only, like, three or four buildings in this town. But every time it rained, or every time there was an earthquake, the holes would change,

and the steam would come out of different holes. It just felt like a really sort of just move. Just fucking move, man. The whole place is a stank of, like, sulfuric steam. Yeah, it was just, like, really. New Zealand, Yeah, absolutely. I haven't,

but I presume it's the similar sort of vibe. It's actually meant for. It smells really weird. Yeah. I play with the guy in New Zealand who fell into one of those geesees. Ooh.

A big scar all up his leg. But aren't you supposed to not be in those onsons if you've got tattoos, by the way? Yeah, that's kind of the thing. I think they... Well, they've relaxed that rule now. What I do is just wear a very... Just get a very big...

What do you call the bloody... Yucata? the little robes. Get a very long yucatta and then you can just hide, because I'm only tattooed on my legs. Get a bit long you're tired and you can't really see my tattoos and then they can't stop me. Because I'm wet then

aren't I? You can only see my knob. Oh, you're coming here and tell me off because you want to look at my knob. Pathetic. Now who's the deviant? Would they stop you if they saw them? They would if you gave them. I think some place you would, some place you didn't. I think they were quite relaxed about this one because there's quite a lot of

Western tourists. But the more kind of traditional ones, they'd have an issue. And it's always, it's the number one... Yeah, it's the number one question that people ask on the old Broad Japan podcast. We've literally said, if you email it in, your email's never going to get read out because we've answered it so many times.

Sometimes it may be good, sometimes it may be shit, it's getting better, don't worry about it. Try it out, if you can't try it out, you know, people just... I think when people are spending that much amount of money to go somewhere, they want it to be perfect, and they want it, you know, indulge in all the in all of the sins of the hot flesh.

But yeah. I wish I'd known in advance that when I thought of you being in Japan when I was back here that I could think of you naked. So many, so many, so many winkies I've seen. I mean, I've seen you in work with trousers on that are so tight that I know what it is to see you naked. What it is, what it is like a punch pill. So it's no difference really.

And Peter, changing the subject ever so slightly. We had a chat about a while back about AI podcasts. Right, yeah, yeah. And they'll never drink wine. They'll never drink wine and have a terrible performance. I have three days off. I podcasted worse. You've got to say,

it's one of the worst sentences ever uttered that. Yeah. Have you seen the, have you seen the, I felt worse? I podcasted worse. Podcast it worse. What does he say?

Like, what does he do in podcasts? Like, I mean, I must admit, I've barely like sort of listened to that show, but it doesn't, He doesn't seem to sort of, it's not like he presses the,

he doesn't press his guests really, especially when they're coming out with some fucking con side. He can't, but he's not clever enough. I mean, it's like that Chris Williams went on. They're just not clever enough. Like,

they try and, that Chris Williams show is called Modern Wisdom. He's one of the thickest people on the internet. I thought I'd check one of his shows out a while back because I thought, oh, people like it, what's it all about kind of thing. And I ended up,

um, sitting through, a good few minutes of his guest explained to him what Chekhov's gun was. Right, okay. You don't even know what that is. Why am I going to listen to or anything else? Well, I use Chekhov's gun as a reference

on one of the rest of me shows, and Mark, a few months later, admitted that he'd not heard the term Chekhov's gun. That cannot be true. Mark is a successful writer. And Mark is probably the best, you know, the best red, you know, man. I mean, apparently, you went to public school for crying out loud. They're constantly reading that lot.

That changes the dog somewhat. And it's like And I just sort of think How has he managed to do that? And I think he may be Putting me put me on To make me feel better about my stupidity I've genuinely believed that

I find that extraordinary That's some of Mark Hayes's level I do too I think he's just trying to be nice I guess everyone's got gaps in their knowledge So maybe I should just be kinder to Chris Williamson I'm not inclined to me But maybe I should do

But you know people also Misconstrued Chekhov's gun as well Because they think it's just about the gun Right But it's not just about the gun and it's like it's about it's about it's about stories

it's about things in the stories being necessary and anything that's not necessary shouldn't be in the story that's basically what they're saying I'm fairly certain in Chekhov even made it even nailed it

nailed the not idiom isn't it the kind of the metaphor the principle of the metaphor he nailed it even further by saying it wasn't even about that

it was just like it was just literally like don't fucking he basically said I don't like a cluttered stage. Stop dicking about. And stop dicking about with stuff for crying out loud, just fucking do it.

Back in the day that when not everything had already been invented so you could just come up with stuff and people are like, wow, that's fucking good. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's true. Like, I do find, I do find that, I do believe that you can't, it's harder to do stuff now. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's hard to come up with stuff.

And we consume so much more stuff. Like, we'd average, like, you know, you know, you. I'd average obviously a lot of fewer books than everybody else, but like I would average a couple of films a month, maybe a few books a year. Like that's what I'd average, pre-internet, right? And then internet, internet, internet, YouTube, but like consuming, yeah, I'd read newspapers and stuff.

But before the internet, they're just, they weren't, we just didn't have as much stuff going in. We're just these kind of, like, we're processing stuff all the time. I often think this is about pop music in the 60s, right? of the British invasions of the US it was essentially I mean there was some really good artists right and I'm not denying that obviously

Beatles stones or the rest of it but you could get away with a lot of shit yeah I just think there's a lot of bands and artists where the manager or the kind of singer whatever's like right all we actually need to do here is dress quite well be relatively handsome and just rework a blues song and all of a sudden a hundred thousand people will buy our fucking record

right that is not possible now no question about it but you know things be like I also think that with Occam's Razor, right? You know, Ockham's Razor? You know, that the most obvious explanation is normally the correct one, right? Yeah. The solution. Which is 99% the truth.

Like 99% applicable to every situation. Yeah, the one that requires the fewest assumptions, essentially is normally the thing that's true, right? Yeah. What year do you think that was coined by William of Ockham? I don't know when he was when he was kicking a ball, to be honest. Late 1800s? Late 1800s. Right.

That's fair enough. I think that's a reasonable guess. The answer is about 1320. Is that when he was going, when he was doing stuff? He died in 1347. Bloody not. Did they even have razors? My goodness.

So the point being that like, people are thinking of that his shit for years before we came home. What chance have we got? they've got more time as well do you know what I mean nothing going on they've got more time they've got more time they've got less they probably do less in their

60s because they died earlier but you know they've got less they've got less going on I would suggest I also read I don't know if this is true or not by the way apparently I'm just looking at him now William Mowcom lived to the age of about 60 so good on him

but I also read I don't know this is true or not but I also read that the idea about people in medieval times living to about 25 or whatever is actually a myth right and the reason it's a myth is because when people look at the average age and life expectancy they're not taking into account the sheer amount of infants that

died in childbirth and very young oh so that's dragging on the average is it see if you made it to add on you think you generally would have lived relatively a relatively long life right I see that makes sense yeah oh that's that's good to know I am I will enjoy pulling that one out pulling that one out my bottom one now yeah but um but but um But yeah, so I think, you know, obviously we've got no real chance of doing anything original or new, have we? No. I have no, I have not, I can't even remember what me, you know, like when you find the average of something and there's like 50 ways to do it. Oh, mean mode and median.

Yeah, which would discount a lot of the aberrations like the, like the children. The children. I forget which ones, which, to be honest. I can tell you right now, so mean is the mathematical average, calculated by adding all the devices. to get and divided by a total number of values that's the one we think of that yeah that's the median is just the middle value okay right okay yeah mode is just the most frequent value oh okay okay okay okay i don't think you've got to need to use the other last two no so then yeah but mord well not presumable i mean and someone will be emailing in as we speak saying that you've got no use for

those ones i mean if you're just trying to find the average yeah but like there are There are multiples of uses where you need that one, I suppose. Well, I think, for example, if it's like how many biscuits have I eaten this week on average per day, you know, I'm probably going to be looking for the, I want the middle one. No, you find the number that is the most, you know. The one that appears most frequently. The one that appears most frequently and sort of go, right. How do you get that number down?

Because that'll be the biggest number. Yeah. Or what's what's caused this? What deep sadness does cause Luke to eat 15 Garibaldis? I don't know if you got. Gabel Marte, Dr Gabel Marte says that addiction is filling a hole in the soul that needs to be filled. Yeah, okay, fine. There's a deep sadness behind a lot of it.

Well, maybe the addiction to deep sadness is part of the problem. You haven't got an addictive personality, have you? Yeah. You do? Not, but not like a... Haribos. Yeah, but it's a... But I've also got that thing where I get obsessed with new things.

Oh, so you always move on. So do you know what I mean? You always move on, I suppose, isn't it? Yeah. That's helpful. That is helpful. That is helpful. Mine is not quite so, um, so simple as that.

What about this then? A few people emailed in about me talking about an angry Belgian man waving his fist at me. Right. I remember that. that now, yes. Yeah. A lot of people asking, surely Pete has had an older man shake his fist at him in anger, because I think people think of your life as being a kind of cartoon. So have you ever remember annoying and older man? Not your dad, doesn't count. A lot of cars going, like, a lot of car. I had one behind me. He was very, he was in like an old rover. And I don't know where he was going in such a rush, but like, I stopped and I was like, am I in the wrong here? I genuinely, I just wasn't because it was like, you know, I was. You know, I was. You know, I was. You know, I was. You know, I'm driving down the road. Someone else is driving around the road in coming the other way.

And the cars are on my side. Like the cars, so I've got to let that guy through. And the guy behind me is just bibbing his horn. I'm like, what? Am I just too sleepy? I couldn't really figure this. Did you get out? You just assume that everyone's,

I think we said, I think we had a meeting yesterday, me and you, and I said that you, you spoke about, you honk the horn a couple of times on people being idiots. And I have never used my, horn in my car for the, you know, intended purpose.

I've only done it for a job or something. I've never honked. I've never had the foresight to sort of go. My assumption is if someone's angry with me or someone's doing mad, it's because of me. And so I don't have the confidence to honk the horn immediately. But people just honk horns. Like, I've seen what's going wrong here. Honk the horn.

It's such a mad thing to do. It's so loud. In other countries, it's intrusive. I mean, obviously, we're not bad for it here. Like, even in New York City, if you've stayed in the hotel on New York. city my goodness me yes wild and people know and to be honest in the grand scheme of like you know uh

American cities New York's pretty good to get around it's not that bad like it's slow but it's not as bad as it's got public transports but are you in driving I think it's terrible driving one of the worst drives ever is the drive from JFK to town mm-hmm it's it's fucking so bad it's so slow it's like no point doing it if you get stuck Korea town between West Hollywood and

downtown Los Angeles that's it L.A.'s notorious. That's L.A., just get out your car and go for a walk. Well, that's what I was going to say to you. On the old road race thing, getting out the car is a big leveler. Yeah, yeah, there's no... If you get involved in the car...

I'd have to hate Max as I get out of the car. Everyone's quite bold in their car. If someone gets out, that's a big leveller. I think for me, if I'm getting involved in a bit of a fucking slanging match and the guy gets out, I'm probably driving off.

Sarah's giving people a finger before. And I'm like, this is... That is standard. Standard. Finger. I just, nobody's really giving me the finger. Yes,

somebody has given me the finger, actually, yeah. It was, it was my phone. I told you just referenced it a second ago. I'll tell you something. In London,

people just walk out in front of cars, right? Just do it, especially on junctions. And this woman, the other day in my house did it, right?

And I knew it was one of the mums from nursery. So I, genuinely, she walked straight out in front of me. And she had headphones on, so she didn't even realize I was there. So what I beeped the horn was to say, I'm here,

she turned around and told me to fuck off. Now, where does that, where do you go from there? Did you bring it up when you saw her next? No, I don't know her where enough. I recognise her from the nursery. I don't know her. Right, okay. But she's a nice, she seems like a nice normal mum.

Could you get your son to exact revenge inside Porky? Yeah, the problem is you won't do anything I say. Right, it's a good point, actually. Yeah, I'm, I've got no respect. in my house. I'm listening. I'm below. She does not listen to me.

A three-old boy and a woman. She doesn't listen to me. And I'm like, well, I'm, I do have to sort of tell you to do stuff sometimes. But there's just no... Part of it, isn't it? It's a physical... Anything I have to do, I have to physically do it. Pick up, brush the teeth.

I've got to do all of those things. Put the clothes on. That's interesting to me. So when you're on a schedule in the morning and you have to get your daughter dressed and getting a brush of teeth, Is that a nightmare? It's not too bad, it's not too bad, but I'm not making her do it. I'm just getting it done. I'm just like, let's get these on, let's get the socks on.

There's never any socks. I don't know where the socks go, but there's never any socks. There's never a place for the socks to be, but the socks are on, the shoes. And I'm just, and also just sorting through shoes that seem, the feet are growing at an alarming rate. I don't know what size she is anymore. I'm just confused. And the shoes that I thought fitted her, don't fit her anymore.

And it's just a constant battle with space, time. It's quantum feet sizes. Could be any size until I put the shoes on. You get the shoe. And then they're there. And then it's the wrong one. And then it's the wrong one. Yeah, it is pretty full on, isn't it?

It's easy on weekend days, but you haven't got to do anything. Watch Newdy Saturday. Newdy Sunday. Yeah, that's for you in Japan. Can we read a couple of emails before we go? We've got to do the batteries, I guess, as well. Let's do it for crying.

Do you want to do the battery first? Let's do the battery first. This is from Dean Chu. We've heard from Dean Chu before. Definitely. A couple of our stack projects, yeah. Hey guys, one for Luke and the battery robot slash battery daddy, of course. A green pair packers, no.

A green bear packers battery. Green bear packers battery. In with a lot of other batteries as well. Nice to see in a real vacucus. charger. Green beer packers. It's one of those sponsored batteries, isn't it? It's one of those kind of... Yeah, did we like those or not? I can't remember.

Yeah, by the end, we let in any old muck. So yeah, Green Bear Packers branded logo.com. If you're, like, a massive fan of, like, you know, merch and your football team and stuff, it must be quite annoying to sort of use those up and then put them... They're going to be shit batteries, aren't they? I don't know. You never know what they've been

branded from. You wouldn't want an inferior battery if you were... And maybe you could have like a little, oh, the Burnley battery is good until Christmas. Oh. Yeah, you wouldn't want to be, yeah. You wouldn't want to be, yeah, you wouldn't be. It falls out of the machine. Poor power, would you?

No, exactly. So, Dean, thanks for sending these in. We've had Green Bay Packers battery once before. Right. Sent by the brilliantly named Stanton Smith back in 2020. Stanton. It's a rare battery, but it's not a new player. But thank you anyway for sending it in.

Nice. What about this from our friend Max? We talked a bit about. about rise of the foot soldier, didn't we? Hmm. So, this is an email on that subject. Max says,

Hi, guys, you mentioned on Monday show about Pete's algorithm serving him up clips of suits and the rise of the foot soldier. Well, mine does exactly the same. And madmen now? Pardon?

And mad men now? Oh, is it? I'm quite happy with. I'm loving, reliving the madman stuff. Well, Max says that his does exactly the same as well,

does that Dross Cowboy series, Yellowstone. I'm not sure if that's Dross, is it? I don't know. People like it, I've not seen it, I don't know. Everything's dross,

in it, if you watch it enough, I suppose. He said, I'm not sure if I should be worried that our tech overlord seemed to have me filed into the same category as Pete. But on the subject of Rise of the Foot Soldier, it reminded me of my ex-partners parents who were both from Essex and absolute caricatures of people from Essex to the point where I think if you wrote them in the sitcom, people would be offended at how one-dimensional they are.

Anyway, they once asked me for some film recommendations. I asked what kind of genre they were looking at, and they said they like gangster films. So being the knowledgeable cinema, I am, I recommended some of the classics. Goodfathers, Casino, etc. To which they told me they exclusively watch films that have Danny Dyer in them. So this was a fair few years ago before Danny's rebrands The National Treasure,

truly bizarre stuff. Well, you can watch the business there in that case because Danny Dyer's in that, and that's a kind of gangster movie, isn't it? He'd love living around my house because my neighbour Stue is the spit. Is the spit of Danny Dyer?

Tell us more about that. He just looks like Danny Dyer. I mean, he's kind of, he's interesting because, like, when he, I think he's left East Enders now and I do sort of look, you know,

when he first started, he was, you know, a great white hope, did Pinter and all that, all that business, um, in the theatre hall.

And he, obviously, by all accounts, just, you know, slid into a very comfortable life doing East Enders and those kind of,

you know, those kind of films and stuff. And he left East Enders and recently, I think, and I remember thinking, God, how's he gonna,

how's he like going to pay the rent and stuff? But turns out, like you can get by by being Danny Dyer because there is an entire county who absolutely love you and your daughter and no matter what you do you'll always get money like money will just find you but he's also had a real kind of resurgence because obviously he got that BAFTA for Mr Big Stuff which is quite funny that's quite sharply written and he's good in it is it is it actually yeah it's actually all right yeah I think it's all right I watched the first series I thought it was fine I didn't like love it or anything but it was it was fine and he's good in it he's funny in it

And he's got this new big movie coming out, isn't he, called One Last Deal, which I think is a, it might be a Sky, you know, Sky make their own movies now. It might be one of those, I think. Right, okay. I don't know it's any good or not, but it's been advertised very. Jimmy Banks. Yeah, it's been advertised very frequently. I just, I look at the poster and he said, was he like a city, but a sports agent, right. Yeah.

He's just good, but he just gets bad stuff to do, bless him. He's obviously made his mistakes in the past and he's obviously paid the price for that. I saw an episode of that show, I think it might be called The Audience, where they have a load of kind of neurodiverse people in the crowd who get to ask a famous person who sits in the middle any question they want.

And the Danny Die one is brilliant. It's like an inside the actor's studio, but with like interesting questions, isn't he? Yeah, he's brilliant. Was that when he's telling the story about, he had that play to do and he turned up, he just went out all night. on the old...

No, he talks about that on Lumif Thuru, I think. Right, I see. This one is like, the questions are a lot more kind of, like a mixture of like frivolous, but also really hard hitting. He gets really upset in it and stuff. It's a really good format, and he comes across,

him and whatever you think of. He comes across very authentic in it. Yeah. But there we go. Anyway, Peter, do you want to take us out of here on that note? Let's take us out of here. You fucking Mac. We'll be back, winning British Academy Television Awards

for, best male comedy performances for the role of Mr Big Stuff. Next time on the show. Monday. If you want to get to the show, as always, at his hello at Lungpeachot Show.com. Get us on the YouTube comments, get us in the Spotify comments, and we'll see you later.

See you. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.