The Luke and Pete Show - Legalise the Planet of the Apes

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

We’ve got a bonus bank holiday, baby! In amongst the revelry of a four-day weekend though, we spare a thought for The Pope. Like... how do you think he is currently spending his time? Once that's been digested, we hear about Luke’s curious TikTok habits and Pete tells us how he intends to celebrate the Queen’s Jubilee.Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton all- Call yourself a runner. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Usually I'm just kind of like, I'm Quentin Tarrant. Legalize it. Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It's legalizing things. I find it really satisfying to go, legalize it.

People who don't like the mouth. Because the mic makes it sound really good. People don't like that down the mic. You don't. who don't like the mouth. Because the mic makes it sound really good. People who don't like that down the mic. You don't. I don't. I don't like it. You've got quite a

kind of substantial database of people who can't use the mic properly and their mouth sounds and their snorts and their nose noises and all

sorts of things. Yeah. And I've got terrible sinuses but people sometimes knock through their palate. How bad are my mics?

You're all right. Out of 10. You're all right. There are certain people on the Football Ramble who have never seen a microphone before, though have been doing it for 15 years, and that narrows it down. That's not even a wicked whisper.

That's a big straight dig. It's just Jim. He can't use a mic. He's fine. No, you can't go a mic he's fine no you can't go back on it now he's dead he's died

have some respect for the dead thank you Jim is dead Jim Campbell is dead Jim's an alumnus of this show oh Jim did a cracking

amnesty fucking FIFA thing you can't change it now you can't fucking change it now no it just reminded me I watched it on my day off

Sunday how long is it it was like a squid game six hours he did a six hour I watched it on my day off Sunday how long is it fucking hell he did a squid game six hours he did a six hour viral tiktok Jim did squid games

for um for amnesty Jim imagine Jim doing squid games he'd lose an arm within two seconds of being on the fucking thing

Jim on squid games look he'd get his arm caught in a cog I will stand by everything I'm saying about Jim right now not what you said.

What did I say? Proof of microphone technique sometimes. I haven't been mean. That's not being mean, is it? Jim knows, and I know, and we all know, that if Jim is the main star of Squid Game, it is a 10-second show. Dead.

Yeah. Dead. Straight away. Probably dead before he even played a game. Dead in that little bit. Red light. Oh, that's a good thing, isn't it? Red, no.

No, fill up the bed. Dead. Oh, that's a good thing, isn't it? Red, no. No, fell out the bed. Dead. Oh, yes, this is the Luke and Pete show and it is Thursday the 2nd of June. This is the day. Back to holiday today. Bonus back to holiday. Yeah, is everyone enjoying themselves?

If indeed you're in the UK, if you're not, imagine. They can't answer. Do the people who the Queen used to look after, have they got a day off as well? That's their official title. Where do you live? I live in this country. It's one of the countries the Queen used to look after have they got a day off as well that's their official title

where do you live I live in this country it's one of the countries the Queen used to look after I don't like to talk about the Empire she's busy as it is she can't be looking

after all the country she's got a little golf cart now like the Pope yes she has cool so she is going to be I don't know what

she's going to be doing good showing a bit of ankle I don't know what I think she's going to be doing what do people say about what did that comedian say

about the Pope mobile it's like it's got a four inch thick plexiglass bulletproof plexiglass that's faith for you what do you think the Pope what do you think the Pope's

doing now right now smoking dope obviously I like the Pope smoking dope yeah legalise it

legalise it no what do you think he's doing right now because what I'm fascinated by, so if you get people like who are elected representatives of the people, so the Prime Minister, the President, whatever,

they're probably busy, right? Yeah. So big Joe Biden, I don't want to call him Sleepy Joe because that's a right-wing talking point. Right. But he does seem obviously very old and a bit doddery and sleepy.

Sleepy, yeah. And that's the thing about the old extreme right-wing, that they're very kind of cutting. Yeah. So I think I know what Sleepy Joe's up to. I think he's just jumping, he's travelling around, he's doing meetings. He's saying, can we get a pricey of that,

because I can't have time to read it. All that kind of stuff. Same with the prime minister. Forty size. Boris Johnson's just rolling around in his own cells, making an idiot of himself. I made it. I really made it.

The point is, those people are busy. And I'll even extend that to the Queen, right? Because the Queen is always doing stuff. I made it. I really made it. The point is, those people are busy. Yes. And I'll even extend that to the Queen, right? Because the Queen is always doing stuff. Right, yeah. The amount of events

that the Queen and Prince Philip did, they'll be crazy. Yeah. What's the Pope doing? He's not doing anything. He'll be doing, he'll be taking communion or something.

He's not still doing that. He's gone beyond that. He's gone past all that now. That's like saying you're doing your filing. That's a poor example. You've never done any filing. I've never done my filing, no, no.

I own a filing cabinet, though. I think he's just probably just hanging out with his... He's got wrestling figures in it. It does. I'll do it with him. I'll do it with him. It has podcast equipment, wires, and wrestling figures in there.

No, it's... I think Pope Francis is, obviously he started off as the nice Pope, didn't he? He started as progressive Pope, but he's been relatively speaking after, you know, some pretty shit from absolute shaiters. And that's what annoys me. And that's an archbishop saying that. The bar is so

low. Like Pope Francis can just say I don't think homosexuals should burn in hell and people are like, ooh good on him. Good on him. Yeah. So, yeah, so he's known as a progressive pope. I think he's been walking it back a bit.

I hear that Madonna has asked to meet Pope Francis. Pope Prancin Francis Francis. How old do you reckon he is, by the way? Because I know how old he is and it surprised me. I reckon he's 43. No, I reckon he's 69. Do you really? Nice. Do you honestly think he's that old? Yeah. You look at him and you go, that's how old he is and it surprised me. I reckon he's 43. No, I reckon he's 69. Do you really? Nice. Do you honestly think he's that old?

Yeah. You look at him and you go, that's how old he is. Yeah. He's 85. Is he? Yeah. He looks quite sprightly.

Oh, that's the faith of the Lord for you. Maybe because he's the friendly Pope. Maybe because he's God's favourite person on earth. And so he gets a lot of privileges. Yeah. It's big, isn't it, to call yourself, bearing in mind how...

Make me look younger. Make me look younger. How many kind of interpretations of the work of little baby jeebers there is. And it's kind of mad that one of them goes, yeah, I'm the best. Catholics do think that the Pope can speak directly to God.

Yeah. And so, what's he saying? I like the slippers. The slippers are nice. Can you make me look younger? All right. But then God's saying back to the Pope, I will make you look younger, but you're 85. Can you make me look younger? All right. But then God's saying back to the Pope, I will make you look younger,

but you're 85. If I make you look 30, people are going to think something's up. So I'll make you look about as Pete would say, 69. You know, the Pope also doesn't receive any money. He doesn't need it, mate. No, exactly. The Pope is insulated from things like,

like kind of, you know, worldly things like money so he never has to worry about anything so he's never sort of like he's never sort of waiting around kind of like grabbing like a big handful of change from his pocket to to get himself a doesn't even leave on the side a millionaire shortbread from costas that doesn't have to he probably just says somebody just gets a few picks up the phone probably just says can someone get me a meal in their shortbread from Costa's and one of those cinnamon buns from Gail's bakery I also would say that because according to

the Pope's official spokesman as an absolute monarch which apparently the Pope is the Pope's person he does not receive a salary he's not affected by any kind of financial cuts or anything like that because he has everything at his disposal

and nothing at his disposal he doesn't need an income because he has everything that he needs I nothing at his disposal. He doesn't need an income because he has everything that he needs. I'll say now what I thought then. What? Look at their investments. Yeah, he's got like, there's a so much,

like around, I think it's the Catholic Church, around Victoria Station, they've got loads of real, absolute primo real estate buildings. They're kind of like, it's public housing, but it's owned by

the Catholic Church. It's insane the amount of stuff they've got. And that's just Victoria. Is it all opaque as well? It's all what? Opaque, so no one knows. Oh yeah,

nobody knows precisely what it is. Yeah, exactly. It's insane. And also, if you ever go to the Sistine Chapel, you go,

this is a nice gaff, isn't it? Oh yeah. All statues and stuff. I've not been there. Pilfered. Is it good? Yeah, it's astonishing. And not been there pilfered is it good yeah it's astonishing and like there must be i don't think there's a single person that's gone at the sistine chapel in the last 15 years that hasn't taken a picture of the sistine uh chapel and they uh they say no pictures so it's just loads of people surreptitiously taking pictures of a ceiling

again they ain't gonna stop it are they they're not gonna stop it because people have got phones unless you're going to take the phone off them, like everyone knows what it looks like. I don't know why you'd want a picture there, but yeah,

it's just a lot of kind of like jowly looking faces looking down into a mobile phone camera. The mad thing is that God could stop that if he wanted. He could strike it down.

He could strike them all down. He could, yeah. God can do anything. So you could walk in there and all of a sudden your phone's not there. It's disappeared. And then when you walk back out again

it's there. Yeah. Why don't they do that? And it's got... Other stuff on it. And there's only one picture in the gallery and it's the Pope

lifting up his smock and showing his nipples off. That's a surprise, I said. I don't think you can say any of this stuff, can you? I think we're going to lose all our Catholic listeners now. It's a little bit like...

You know when Bono put all that music on everyone's iPods? Yeah, people don't talk about that enough. I think they do. No, they don't. It's a bit of a comedy

touchstone, isn't it? I'm out of touch. For lamos like us. I don't know. It's our kind of level, I would say. Why are you trying to tar me with the

crap comedian brush? Because we're not even there. I've got no ambition to be a comedian. Something for us to shoot for, I guess. If everyone's heard my output, I've got no ambition. No, I've got no ambitions to be a comedian. Something for us to shoot for, I guess. If everyone's heard my output, I've got no ambition.

No, I've got no ambitions to be a comedian. But Pete, that's another one. I wouldn't file that as a comedy touchpoint, perhaps because I'm out of touch. I would file that as one of those things in my mind that happens to me sometimes, like, doesn't that seem unbelievably quaint now compared to what the world's like now? Because people got vexed about that, didn't they?

They were like, what the world's like now. Yeah. Because people got vexed about that, didn't they? Yeah. They were like, what the fuck is going on? And now, it would be a bit of levity in the world. Yeah. I'm welcome a new U2 album now. You know?

How have U2 done that deal, by the way? To Apple, they've just gone, right, what do you want me to do? Right? It's an outrageous demand.

But they've probably got a pretty good lick at saying they're the... A band who are still releasing music today. They're probably still the biggest, one of the biggest

top ten rock bands, certainly grossing rock bands in the world. And it's, yeah, it is astonishing that you would be asked by iTunes to download a 30 megabyte file

of some shitty music from U2. What I'm saying is, I know Stack is not as big as U2. I agree on that. We have all dealt with Apple. How have they done that? How have they even got a response on email? Yeah, good point actually.

They've somehow managed to negotiate themselves into a position where every single iPod release has got one of their albums on it. It doesn't get any better than that. No, it doesn't get any bigger or better than that. Can we go back to the Pope? Speaking of the Pope,

because you were talking about property in Victoria, something that I really wanted to mention is in the early 80s about that guy who, I think he was like, he was God,

his nickname was God's Banker. God, okay. So he would be in charge of all the investments for the Vatican. Yes, okay. And he was really close friends was God, his nickname was God's banker. Okay. So he would be in charge of all the investments for the Vatican. Yes, okay. And he was really close friends with the Pope at the time,

who I don't know who it was. I think it was the one before John Paul II. The Polish one. Oh, no. The one before him, I think. At least the one before him. Who was the goalkeeper?

That was that one, wasn't it? That's him, yeah. The one where you offended in the Polish cave. Yeah. This, this... Sounded like a great night out. Yeah.

If you don't know that story, that's going to sound very odd but you have to go back and listen to it apparently it was John Paul II I've just checked so this guy he

he was found dead hanging from scaffolding underneath Blackfriars Bridge whoa yeah and it was ruled as a suicide and people were like

I remember that yeah they exhumed the body and everything and they got forensic scientists on it and all this kind of stuff it said that

his the injuries were consistent to hanging and all the rest of it and it was a suicide it's a very public place to do it if you were going to

commit a crime I wouldn't necessarily be doing it there yeah there's a lot of pressure in that job doesn't there because if you get

what murdering someone by no if you get the investments wrong, you're basically offending God himself. You know? Yeah, I guess so. Well, there's apparently a...

I'm obsessed with... I'm not obsessed with... Let's make that very clear. There's a thing called System Space, right? Right. And it's an anime suicide cult, right? What? And a lot of people

who are really deep in NFTs and crypto and stuff, they're getting involved an anime suicide cult and a lot of people who are really deep in NFTs and crypto and stuff, they're getting involved in this suicide cult that's all about this kind of cyberpunk afterlife and it's about like alternate timelines and killing yourself just so you can be reanimated

as a cyberpunk avatar in the future and stuff but the people who are really into crypto and probably everything else are really into this kind of idea that there's

a cyberpunk afterlife. You're starting to sound a bit like Joe Rogan, mate. I just think William Gibson has just got a lot of fucking answer for it.

This species is absolutely fucked, isn't it? Sometimes you come out of stuff and I think, that's quite interesting. Sometimes I think,

what the fuck is happening? That's what you'd call a low percentage play, isn't it? Well, the thing what I like about like and don't blame william gibson or philip k dick for any of this stuff they didn't think people would be like this system space promises fourth again i like this 4969 followers uh because you know one of those multiples that

the program's quite seem to like quite like uh or migrants uh they'll be transported to a cyberpunk elysium after death and all of the words elysium cyberpunk they're all like games that came out like a few few years ago i mean i'm in vice city they can't even be bothered to to crib from fucking proper texts they're they're copying off fucking playstation games that you know are now in the platinum range two years ago it's's just shit, man. People can't even do fucking conspiracy theories

properly. And it's what I would definitely call a low percentage play. Like, you're joining the death cult. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Vars said the cyberpunk dimension is like a futuristic Tokyo, think the world of Ghost in the Shell, a massive sprawling city with beautiful views.

Can I say something? Can I ask a quite controversial question? Right. How is that different to how religions start in general? Yeah, but do you think it was a bit, they were dealing with bigger ideas rather than just, you know, looking into the side of the gaming PC and going, I want to live in there.

No, they're doing something that's contextual and relevant to their life. Yeah. Which is probably what people were doing 2,000 years ago. I think LEDs just ruined it. Is looking inside a computer and going,

that's where true spirituality lies, different in principle to like a burning bush. No, but one would say that the Bible is way more textured and deals with bigger theories and bigger thoughts

and bigger ideas. But this is just literally, I very much enjoyed the film Blade Runner 2048 and I would very much like to call that 2049 is it 2048

whatever it is the one after I haven't even seen that what you haven't even seen 2048 I haven't seen either of them it's very good you should watch it I watched the first Blade Runner

with my lovely wife about two years ago because she had never seen it she was great in it yeah she was excellent very very good fantastic and I thought it was actually

almost crushingly slow paced. It is nowadays, but you'd probably say the same about the new one, Ville Nerve, but it is such a beautiful film. You need to watch it, Luke.

It's stunning. My friend who's a film studies lecturer said that like, he's my age and he's teaching kids 16 to 18, like a sixth form level. And he says like, most of them can't really stick like the Godfather.

It's too slow. Right, yeah. People's ideas and kind of attitudes towards stuff has changed. Yeah. It's too much. It's hard to articulate to them they need to sit through such a slow pace and move like the Godfather in the age of TikTok, for example. Yeah. It's difficult.

I just think that's a bit of a shame. I think, you know, you can just place, there's room for everything. I've got quite into TikTok. I watch the videos on it all the time. I don't upload them, I just watch them. Do you know what I like about them? Sorry to cut in. It's reminding me of something I really wanted to talk to you about. You go on TikTok, and basically

what you're presented with when you put your details in, because the algorithm probably goes, well, you're a man of a certain age, you probably want to look at women. It gives you women, right? Dancing around. Yeah, dancing around. A lot of them have got massive tits. You flick through them and obviously it learns from what you've watched. Okay.

So now, I don't know what this says about me. Just all boobs. No, it's all just Irish travelling families challenging each other to fights. That's a classic. It's great. It's so entertaining. Calling out, you know,

I heard you've been talking about me. Yeah. I'm going to fucking do you. Yeah. And then they have a fight and it's just brilliant. And you never see the fights, really. No, you never see it.

You see, there's a lot of... People calling out. There are some... There are a reasonable amount of bare-knuckle boxing fights on TikTok in a ring surrounded by bales of hay.

Yeah, okay. But I have to be honest with you, I'm also in the middle of watching Peaky Blinders and it blends into one. It blends into one, right, okay. It's difficult to know. Fair. How do you feel about TikTok?

I don't really sort of, I sort of watch it like, I think people say, oh, TikTok, pathetic. Watch it like a grown up. Watch all of the memes, all of the videos that arrive on Instagram a month late. Because it is

they just take their videos from TikTok and they put them on I find people doing you know the dance like obviously

TikTok's moved on massively since it all kind of like kicked off which just you know young people dancing and miming and stuff but people sort of

mime stand up which is an interesting vibe so there's a trope there's a trope on TikTok where people will deliver people sort of mime stand-up, which is an interesting vibe. So there's a trope on TikTok where people will deliver a joke, but they're lip-syncing to the joke being told by someone else.

Yeah. I mean, that is bizarre, and they've got loads of followers, and they're really, really popular. I just can't figure out what people are getting out of that. There's also some people using TikTok really well.

There's a... I can't remember the name of it now, but there's a brilliant YouTube channel which does documentaries about American life. Yes. It's called Soft White Underbelly. And it's a project of a photographer, I think, called Mark Leiter. And he's massive on YouTube,

millions and millions of followers. But he does amazing, really involved, intricate, kitchen sink style, stripped back documentaries of kind of families and different aspects of life

I don't know if it's actually him doing it but whoever his TikTok team is they get really good highlights and they put them on TikTok and it draws you because they're so beautifully shot anyway

it draws you in and it really does give you the power of TikTok which isn't just about girls dancing silly dancing and stuff. I mean, it's obviously a lot of that but it's not really what it's powerful for, I think. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm always surprised people sort of, if you sort of say you're into TikTok, it's seen as like quite a young person's thing but most people that I know who are my age, they almost exclusively watch stuff on TikTok rather than your Instagrams or your Twitter. You've always been like a pretty big YouTube watcher, though. I've never really been into watching things on YouTube.

I often remind myself, shit, I should just see, because I love watching documentaries, I should go on YouTube and watch them. That's a good example of it. I never think to that. I go on to Sky Store, I go on to Netflix,

I go on to Prime. I've never gone to YouTube, really, which I probably should do. Yeah. Yeah. Well. There we go. Let's have a break. When we come back, because it really, which I probably should do. Yeah. Well, there we go. Let's have a break.

When we come back, because it's Thursday, we'll do some battery brands. We've got a few more sent in, as we usually get. Yeah, there's a good few here, actually. Let's get through some of those at the other side of this. Lovely.

On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50,

Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. It's the Luke and Pete show and it's a Thursday. So we are doing battery brands. Hello to Paul. We've got in touch with this one. Hi guys, opening myself up to ridicule as you probably

had these a thousand times, but I've never seen them before. Found on the floor by the missus's car and run over maybe for 20 years. Rockets! Rockets! Heavy duty.

1.5 volts. Triple A's. Any interest? We've had loads of different types of rocket I'm afraid. The most recent person sending rocket heavy duty

was Andy Bailey. Hello to you Andy. We've got rocket alkaline Super as well. Simon Stanley sent those in. So we've had a load of those before, I'm afraid. I will say that the Taiwanese, not Taiwanese, Thailand, Thailandian? I don't know how to say that. Thai, just Thai, isn't it?

Why do they get that? Why can't Taiwanese people have Thai? I'm Thai. It'd be Taiwanese if it's Thailand, right? Either way, made in Thailand by the Rocket Thai company so they're putting

their money where their mouth is they're naming the battery after the actual company itself good on you Rocket good on you

Yannick hello Yannick hopefully it's Yannick Gers from Ironman that'd be great but it's not a different way I'm afraid

ah fuck found these in a US made camping lantern that sounds like Yannick I've said before Yannick. I said before, Yannick goes,

you see him in WH Smiths all the time, looking at Caravan magazine. So he might have a camping lantern. Can I just say there's something

really awesome about your old fashioned, old school rock slash heavy metal touring guitarist. They're always into like really normal

things. Trains, cars. I'm not surprised to hear caravans what's Bruce Dickerson into anything fencing fencing and boeings

yeah so it's something very honest about it and Brexit tells people play out there well that's the problem isn't it

any affluent man of a certain age is going to be like that I'm afraid fingers crossed these are new says Yannick these are called

NBX NB these are called NBX NBX signs yeah NBX I N E S right NBX signs yeah mistletoe and wine

they're in a camping they're in a camping yeah they are new they are new players good stuff I'm not surprised for crying out loud

NBX signs it sounds like a rapper I've never heard of it does sound like a rapper sounds like a rapper yeah thank you for putting the show together weird way of putting it yeah It sounds like a rapper I've never heard of. It does sound like a rapper. It sounds like a rapper, yeah. Thank you for putting the show together. We're well put, innit?

Yeah, yeah. And may it go on for a very, very long time. Thank you very much, Yannick. You're a very kind man. Very kind, Yannick. Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. Hello, lap.

After a morning of den building, my seven-year-old had left the light on her torch and needed the batteries replaced. This was an exciting moment, as I knew we'd bought the torch from some knock-off garage deal. Imagine my delight when I saw what I hope is a new player, Ning Li, super heavy duty.

I also quite enjoyed the battery compartment of the torch being a removable carousel of AAA batteries. Not something I'd seen before, and I thought it might delight you too as well. Photos attached. I have my fingers crossed. I enjoyed the carousel, Ben. Is it a new player though?

If we were doing a section about the carousels of batteries I think Ben would be right up there. Unfortunately for you, Ben, we had one of the greatest battery-based emails of the year back in January, if people remember, from Dave Thomas who sent not only

the Ningley Super Heavy Duty, but he also sent in some Double Pals as well. Double Pal. Double Pal. Oh, Double Pal. Nice. Okay, cool. So they're not new players, I'm afraid, Ben,

but we enjoy hearing the story just as much as we would normally. I've spoken about this before, probably, but I very much enjoy the modern vogue of, in battery compartments, having the positives, because you used to have to put them, in battery compartments, having the positives. Because you used to have to put them in positive, negative, positive, negative. It's changed now, hasn't it?

Changed now. Now you can just have positive, positive, positive, positive. It's wired up a different way. Do you know who I think's pioneered that? Who? Again, Apple. Although I think it is because I've got... What stuff do you put in an Apple device that's got batteries?

Well, if you'll allow me. A mouse. I've got an Apple mouse. Apple mouse. It takes double A's and they both go the same way around and I've had it for years I've had it for years so maybe it's something

to do with that okay I think it was U2's fault U2 did it if you want to send some batteries in to us of course it is

hello at lukeandpeachshow.com we'll have some more of those next Thursday I can't believe it's June already by the way I know I've achieved so little

this year is that like a trope that old people say that young people think is annoying? What, where you sort of say that the year's gone? I can't believe the year's gone, yeah. But time does go quicker as you get older. I find, but also I was on the beach. I went down to Sandbanks at the weekend.

Sandbanks. I saw that, yeah. It's a nice little area. It's really nice. The big, the Sandbanks, the big beach. Beautiful. So the beach you live near in Lyon Sea, is that Shingle? Shingle? As in what you live near in Lyon Sea, is that a shingle?

Shingle? As in what? As in pebbles? No, it's a mixture. No, sand and a bit of pebble action. But it's not as nice as sandbags? Oh, God, no. Oh, God, no.

And you went in for a dip. I saw the Instagram. I went in for a little dip. It was bloody freezing. But that's what I mean. It's cold, but it's still like, it's cracking off at the end of May. Yeah, if you'd spoken to someone like me,

you grew up 10 minutes from the sea, I'd tell you the best time to go into the sea in England. When's the best time to go into the sea in England? Start of September. Really? Start of September. Yeah, if you'd spoken to someone like me, you grew up 10 minutes from the sea, I'd tell you the best time to go into the sea in England. When's the best time to go into the sea? Start of September. Start of September, yeah, because it's

been warmed up all summer. That's mad that, isn't it? Yeah. That's mad. Well, one thing that did really surprise me

when I was in Puerto Rico earlier in the year. Puerto Rico? Was like, you still have this muscle memory as a British person going in the sea,

going, oh God. Yes. You've got to get over this hump and just get in. And you're like, bloody hell, this is warm. And you get in, it's like a fucking bath. Crazy. It's absolutely crazy, man. I was sort of looking and going in the sea going oh god you've got to get over this hump and you're like bloody hell this is warm

and you get in it's like a fucking bath crazy it's absolutely crazy man I was sort of looking into I really want to go to Okinawa you know an island

off Japan I've never been there and they've oh look they've started opening up they've started opening Japan up looks like there's some

beautiful beaches there right some beautiful beaches there not as many as you'd imagine but being an island nation they they don't have many. But Okinawa is certainly very, very beautiful and they're opening up to the tune of they're going to allow 40 people in. Oh, for goodness sake.

And they've got to be on a bus and they've got to be very carefully kind of like shown around the country and then they get kicked out. Not worth it. Can you imagine how fucking boring? You're also never going to get in very carefully kind of like shown around the country. And then they get kicked out. Not worth it. Not worth it. Can you imagine how fucking boring? You're also never going to get in because the amount of illnesses you could bring to that island is unbelievable.

I got monkey pox on monkey pox, mate. Yeah. Oh, what do you reckon about monkey pox? I don't know. It's exciting, isn't it? I had a spot on my shoulder. I was like, oh. Is this the pox?

I never even heard of monkey pox like a week ago. I'd heard of it but I mean it's one of those things that it's going to be we're going to be high alert for everything

nowadays aren't we really we're going to be worrisome but at least we'll be able to understand how if there is a massive

infectious disease we kind of are used to it well I think the reason that and I'm not obviously this is not official medical advice

obviously because you're doing that Well, I think the reason that, and I'm not, obviously this is not official medical advice, obviously, because you're doing that. Imagine, who's that? It's Van Tan. Van Tan? Jonathan Van Tan. Was he your favourite?

Or did you prefer Chris Whitty? I don't know. They were both funny in their own ways. Chris Whitty got put in a headlock, didn't he? He did, yeah. Which was not good. Some stone island ledge. I found Van Tan felt like he was too good he? He did, yeah. It was not good. Some stone island ledge. I found like Van Tam felt like he was too

good for it. Right, okay. He didn't really do it as much, did he? He was like, oh yeah, I'll do one of these. If he turns up

and starts doing like, you know, chimpanzee noises saying, I got the pucks. I got the pucks. You gotta look out for the pucks.

He's got his PowerPoint and he goes, I just want to, so we just want to take some time now to describe what the symptoms are you to look out for the pucks. He's got his PowerPoint and he goes, I just want to take some time now to describe what the symptoms are you should look out for and presses the PowerPoint and it's just a little scene from Planet of the Apes.

That chimpanzee with the clash in a cough. Yeah, who just speaks. When the Planet of the Apes, I can't remember his name, the main ape speaks. Billy, I don't know. Yeah, the main ape speaks. It's quite don't know. Yeah, the main ape speaks. Oscar?

It's quite chilling. It is. Is it, what's that Roman emperor? Caesar? Caesar. Is it Caesar? Yeah, you remembered something. Boom.

That's amazing. I've got the monkey box. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. To make a semi-serious point, I think the reason, obviously, COVID was so bad is because of how transmissible it was, right? Yes. So you've got things like Ebola, and I think monkey box obviously COVID was so was so bad right is because of how transmissible it was right

so you get things like Ebola and I think monkeypox is the same they're not easily transmitted you've got to give them a real old French you've got to get right up there

you've got to get right in their fucking monkey mouth can you do it through mouth I don't think we should be saying this I don't think you can do it that way what do you mean

I think it might be sexually transmitted no oh no no you can catch up but you've got to be close you've got to be real fucking close and no one will go way. What do you mean? I think it might be sexually transmitted, no? Oh, no, no. You can catch up. Oh, you can? But you've got to be close. You've got to be real fucking close. And no one will go close to you, so you've definitely not got it.

Stop making the noises. You're talking about Mike. You're starting to show some Mike discipline. By making noises with your mouth. Monkey discipline, Marley. Monkey impression. All right, then. Let's get out of here. We've had too much fun, to be quite frank.

We'll be back on Monday. No, I'm back holiday. Fucking no one's doing any work these days no one's doing anything apart from us do some fucking work at what cost

I don't think it is a bank holiday on Monday actually it's the Thursday and the Friday but the Monday's not we're having a jubilee party Luke in the road

in the street okay I don't know what I think there's going to be a beat the queen penalty competition nice that's a good idea

and that's about it really I think that's the only thing I've been involved in that's all you're doing we've got to do some DJing I think so I'll probably have to figure out

I need a speaker system oh god if anyone can if anyone can if anyone can wrangle one from Facebook marketplace what about that kid next door

you were helping with his computer he must have a speaker he must have a speaker system he's very he's I don't know whether he's really good at the game

or really bad at the game he shouts like a lot he clearly plays online with his friends and he fucking screams my next door neighbour is the same he's like at my age

but he's always playing Call of Duty I never get that I just we both played fucking PUBG we're not like that we can't no I am

I can't Mimi tells me off all the time yeah I'm always like that anyway well we look I am I can't Mimi tells me off all the time anyway well we look forward to hearing about how you get on your little party that I'm not invited to

you should invite Big Pav you can come invite Big Pav I will invite him he lives down the road if you want to have a party have a party at Big Pav's house

he can be the keeper yes he can be the queen exactly no one will beat him though because he's too good in nets and bins oh yeah he's a big fat cunt now

that's an inside joke but Peter Pav has got a massive house No one will beat him, though, because he's too good in nets and bins. Oh, yeah, he's a big fat cunt now. That's an inside joke. But, Peter, Power has got a massive house and a massive garden. Yeah. Have it at his. Take everyone around there. Well, say to everyone, we're not going to have our Jubilee celebrations that the local councillor has given us the opportunity to block off our road for. Yeah.

We are going to go around some dude's house. Three words for you. Instead. Heated swimming pool. Oh some dude's house. Three words for you. Heated swimming pool. Oh yes please. That's changed your mind. It's like Puerto Rico. All right we'll see

you on Monday. Thank you very much for listening. If you like the show please leave us a nice comment and five star review on Apple or wherever you get your

pods. Don't be like that guy on Twitter the other night who was slagging me off for pre-recording these shows. We're busy. What was he saying?

It's still a great show. What was he saying? He said I don't like it since you started pre-recording it. We've always pre-recorded it. It We're busy. What was he saying? It's still a great show. What was he saying? He said, I don't like it since you started pre-recording it. We've always pre-recorded it. It's not like him. And he will be listening

because they always do, don't they, the complainers? He will be listening. So hello to you, whoever you are. Don't get monkey pox, everyone. No, yeah, don't get monkey pox. That would be less than ideal.

If you see a gibbon, resist the urge to differentiate. I don't think you should be singling out gibbons. They've done nothing wrong here. I'd love to hug. They've done nothing wrong here. They're hilarious. And it done nothing wrong here. I'd love to hug. They've done nothing wrong here. They're hilarious.

And it's thoughts like that. I'd love to hug a gibbon, which gets us in these fucking problems in the first place. Maybe that's how it started. They look so huggable. They've got such long arms. We know nothing about monkey pox. Please don't take any of this advice seriously.

We'll see you on Monday, where hopefully Pete will stop doing that. Legalize it. Legalize the monkeys. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.