The Luke and Pete Show - Low hanging asteroids

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

Science doesn't get the respect it deserves, apparently. Luke starts the show by telling us about the James Webb Telescope. Pete is suspicious that Luke is actually just somehow making a knob gag.Speaking of knob gags, Pete gives us an update on his mission to learn small talk...Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Subscribe to our YouTube HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. All right, then. Let's do this again.

Salute, Pete Shaw. Yo! I wonder what number episode we're on. Four million. I noticed that Clash of the Titles made 400 episodes, and they've got to watch a film for everyone. Good on them. They've got to watch two films.

They've got to watch two films for everyone. Well, for every two, I think. I love listening to Clash when it's a film I like. Yeah. Because I like getting... I like it a film I watch, but a film I don't like is even better, I think. Sweeter.

So sometimes I go into that show thinking, yeah, I know about movies. I know what I like. I'm good at this. And then I'll come out of it going, I thought that film was good. Now I'm not sure if it is

and I have to watch it again. Yeah. Sometimes. and they also do what I love about having them in my feed as well as it reminds me to watch films that I want to watch and never get around

to watching but the most recent one of those they covered with Megan oh the one where Vicky was doing the dance for the

social media they made it so interesting is it good I haven't seen it I haven't watched it maybe I'll listen to that Clash episode first and then watch the film.

I mean, 400 episodes is child play for us though, isn't it? Child's play? Great film. Have they done child's play? I think they have actually. They did child's play versus Megan, I think. Oh, yeah. It was Chucky versus Megan, wasn't it?

I think it was. Yeah. Yeah. So you do 400 episodes a week. All films. All films. All films I've created in my mind. You do a lot of podcasts every week, Peter. Too many, too many.

I figured out last week that Sartorius printers are mainly used in laboratories. So they're battery brands that came out on Thursday. Right. Mainly like things that sort of print out like little labels for medicine and stuff. Huh. Which is quite good.

Interesting call to that market. How'd you get into that? How'd I get into what? In the printer game? Yeah. When I hear a brand I've not heard before, Sartorius,

it just sounds very fancy. I meant, how did they get into that, do you reckon? Oh, how'd you get into a printer? I don't know, they probably,

it's probably a massive conglomerate that joined together. An arm of a big pharma company or something. Yeah, started making printers. Did you get around to watching any of One Piece? I didn't, no, no. What's wrong with you?

Out of all of the things I need to watch, I've still watched that space thing you sent us. Oh, that's good as well. The James Webb telescope. Yeah. That was, I'll tell you what, that was incredible. And the reason I thought you'd like it,

I know you don't really give a shit about space. You think you've got too much going on down here to worry about that. Too many worries down here. Yeah, but. Worries are heavy. They don't float. What I thought you'd like about it is the engineering. Yeah, of getting it all up there.

My God. My God. It's incredible how they do it. I'm impressed by, like like anything bigger than a car. Making anything big. Because I could probably make a metal and brick construction. It wouldn't be very good.

I could make it the size of a car. But then it's not worrying about its own weight. It's not going to collapse under its own weight with decent enough cement and having to think about things. I don't think anyone listening to you regularly would have any confidence at all in what you're saying. I could do a planter. What do you mean? I could make a little planter, I reckon.

What's that? I could put your flowers in. Oh, you mean like a... Like a raised planter. Yeah, like a flower bed but a raised one. Okay. I could do one of them. And you're putting that on the same conversation as the James Webb Space Telescope. You could do a planter. It wouldn't be very good, but you could do it in your garden. You could put a couple of CDs and the top of it

would look a little bit like the telescope. So the fascinating thing about the James Webb Telescope is that not that its mass is, say, anything impressive compared to Hubble,

which it isn't. I think it's only about half the size of Hubble. I can't ever think this is a set up for a big joke about the size of my winky. We're back to small talk chat

again, aren't we? Exactly. How are you getting on with that? We'll do that in a minute no it's not that it's just that because I think I think

and I know people think I'm googling when I say this I'm not I watched the episode and I'm just trying to remember what I learnt from it I think the James Webb Space Telescope

is smaller than Hubble but they're putting it like a million miles away right so it's got less pollution so you can see more, right? And what they've basically done, and I think because scientists a lot of the time

can be awkward, socially awkward, kind of nerdy types, they're never going to win the PR war. So you put any scientist, could be an absolute genius, on the telly opposite someone who's really good at telly but stupid. Piers Morgan, who's a fucking thicko, right, but is brilliant at playing the game. They're never going to win any kind of argument because it's about the presentation.

So what tends to happen is science and scientists' achievements never get the respect they deserve. And what essentially is happening with James Webb is they're taking a seven metric ton telescope, putting it in space, unfurling it from Earth. Yeah. And it's going to be a million miles away

in some kind of orbit they've worked out between all these different celestial bodies. And it's going to send crystal clear pictures and photographs of... My penis? No photographs of the universe like 13 billion years ago. But essentially it's a time traveling thing, right? Because the light takes so long to get to us. When we're seeing those pictures, we're seeing a galaxy as it was that time ago.

Yesterday's news. It's an instant replay. That's what people don't know enough, I don't think. That if, say for for example there was a planet which is exactly like earth and it was 70 million light years away yeah i.e it's going to take 70 million years for the light to reach yeah them and we can see it we're like i will go over well but what are they saying yeah what they say in the dinosaur yeah yeah because our light's not got there yet yeah the light we get from the sun has taken eight minutes to get here. So if the sun blows up now,

it'll be eight minutes before we find out. Yeah. So that's why it's so interesting, I think. It's basically a time machine in terms of what you can see. You can't actually participate in it, but you can see into the past. Yeah.

Do you understand that? I understand all that, but then I was thinking what if the telescope looks back at us what do you mean what's that seeing then if it's if it's millions

if they just keep on going yeah and they somehow imagine by the time the signal gets back that's going to be pretty much the same we are going to be

seeing the same it's not about the signal it's about the light the signal is kind of instant it's clearly not though is it no but my point is it's not taking us another 13 clearly not though is it the signal isn't instant

my point is it's not taking us another 13 billion years but if it travelled the same amount of distance away the telescope and took a picture of us right

the thing that's taking pictures of now how many million miles well you'd never know because it would take you 13 billion years to travel there even at the speed of light well that's what I mean yeah

that's the big problem about space travel isn't it you can't get to the speed it's impossible it's impossible to get to the speed it's impossible it's impossible to get to the speed it's frightening the whole thing's frightening I understand why you're not interested in it

because you'd rather check out of it it's the biggest the problem's too big you know what I mean imagine if we sent you as the ambassador to an alien life form for the first time

you'd go through all your small talk all your small talk yeah do you like do you vape do you vape on your planet do you talk about vapes with strangers, Dan?

Yeah, but that's actually, I mean, it's too much, like, it's too, I had a joke that really worked with passers-by, male passers-by, less so with women. This is already making me feel nervous. I don't think it, because my default position will be, I don't think it did work. Walking home with Sammy and Sammy's a big hit

you know little dog's a great icebreaker massive icebreaker good god yeah great icebreaker walking around with Sammy

I was like and he's walking around with his little I think it's pre-operation I said he's having his operation this week

yeah getting the old yeah getting the old testicles taken out. And I would follow that up with, I might get mine done too. Creepy. You can't, that can't be going down well.

I might get mine done too, I'm not using them. It's too much. And I would say this to blokes, and honestly, 100% hit this to blokes and honestly 100% hit rate with blokes never try it

with women now the more I'm thinking about it the more problematic it sounds yeah but yeah but 100% hit rate

and it went from small talk to me getting my balls chopped off within three sentences 100% hit rate we don't want to be our own critic. To get a full picture of this,

we need to speak to the people you spoke to. I'm the Stuart Lee of small talk. We need to speak to the people I've just taken everything and just gone... What's an example of the kind of person you would say that to?

He really laughed. One in particular, an old man really laughed. So I might get mine lopped off. Eyeballed him for ages. You don't get them out, do you? You don't touch them or anything like that do you

I was going to grab them by the arm and go because they ache so imagine if you they burn for you by flopping them out and it was just two really big boulders

yeah actually looked like boulders yeah I might pull them off now and they just pull them out and go ahhh blood everywhere get a fake pair

say what is wrong with you get a fake nut sack yeah and just rip pretend to rip they just pull them out and go, ah, blood everywhere. Get a fake pair. Say, what is wrong with you? Get a fake nutsack. Yeah. And just rip, pretend to rip it off. Rip it off and go, you did this. You did this.

Ah, it's crying. Um, and just keep calling the other person doctor. Doctor, doctor, doctor. I can imagine if you were working

on the James Webb Space Telescope, you could. Where's James Webb in all this? Why can't he be rushed out? I don't know who he is, actually. I imagine he's like a man who haunted a telescope in the 1800s or something. Or was a celebrated physicist from the 20s. It's named after the NASA's second administrator from 1961 to 1968, James E. Webb.

Get him out then! Who led the agency during the Apollo program. Is he still alive? No, he's dead. Died in 1992. Would you be interested in training the telescope onto your nuts? To wee law-hanging

asteroids. Land a little probe on them. That was amazing, wasn't it? That's another great example of how science doesn't get the credit. Landing a craft on a moving comet. Yeah. It's fucking mad. But surely you get pulled in to the whole gravity of the comet, no?

That's easy then. Easy? Yeah. Well, if you've got that far, surely. There's a list of things. Smash into it. There's a list of things that happen in society that normal people go, okay, how would you even start doing that?

Yeah. Like making a build, making a building, right? Building a building. Presumably, you start with a foundation. So you dig the foundations,

you do, I mean, you could get there. I'm not saying you'd be good at it, but you can get there. Combustion engines, completely. No chance.

absolute magic. Anything in the space, impossible. Yeah. I just think that if I was in charge of cavemen, we wouldn't have got anywhere we would have we'd have some nice

little huts I reckon we talked about this years ago didn't we if you went back to medieval times you'd be a genius but on one level you wouldn't because you don't know anything about it, you take it all for granted yeah the building blocks, you're talking about the building blocks are already there

you know what I mean, like someone's already done all this stuff the only thing I'd be able to do is just that The building blocks, you're talking about the building blocks are already there. You know what I mean? Like someone's already done all this stuff. The only thing I'd be able to do is just that. The little thumb separation thing. The removal thumb separation thing. Yeah, yeah. I'd probably get burnt for that. You blocked my vision with your microphone, so you fucked that up as well.

You know the trick, though. I do know the trick, yeah. Why don't you do that to people rather than talk about your nuts? I think being a genius in medieval times, don't eat that. Don't drink that. Yeah. What are you doing? So you would know.

It's not what you're doing, man. So you'd know about. You'd basically be a glorified health and safety officer, wouldn't you? You would. Don't eat that. Boil that.

People would be impressed to know that you knew that you have to boil water. Yeah. Or that there's things such as microbiology and stuff. Yeah. You could kind of get across some pretty basic ideas.

You could probably maybe even build a bike. But you would have to instruct a blacksmith to do the things that needed to be done, wouldn't you? A blacksmith? Well, yeah, who else would forge you some metal and stuff to make the cogs and shimano gears and the you know

the little tassels on the they didn't have metal then what what era are we talking about I thought we were talking about medieval times oh so medieval

I thought we were talking about cavemen oh right well they would have had metal wouldn't they no because you've got you've got to mine it haven't you it's not that deep is it dig in

what are we led to say all my all my all my knowledge about that is Minecraft. You just dig down a few blocks and you've got yourself... Would you take your PlayStation

with you? No, no electricity. They'd be like, what is this smooth plastic? Well, they wouldn't know what plastic is. No, they wouldn't know anything. You wouldn't be able

to communicate with them, would you? On that level, have you seen a programme on Channel 4 called Alone? No no so so weirdly enough about 15 years ago it was like a desert island thing well about 15 years ago there was a program called alone where a wildlife cameraman went into the canadian wilderness with just a satellite

telephone gps thing for emergencies yeah and nothing else they said i'm a seller i could survive and it's an interesting show. You can watch it. I won't spoil it for people. But they've re-upped it with people who, members of the public who think they can do it.

And they get, I think, 10 survival items. So they've chosen things like axes and a bow and arrow, a tarpaulin, whatever, right?

But they're in the middle of the Canadian rainforest, not rainforest, whatever it be, just a forest, I guess. And I've only watched the first episode, not rainforest, whatever it be, just a forest, I guess. And, and they,

and I've only watched the first episode, but what's actually quite, quite funny. It's obviously there's bears and wolves and everything. And they've all had encounters with bears already, right? Which is kind of frightening. And I guess they've given them some kind of basic training about how to fight off a bear or chase it off or scare it,

which is obviously understandable. This one guy, obviously for all the contestants, it, which is obviously understandable. This one guy, obviously for all the contestants, they do an intro about them. This one guy is a carpenter,

right? And the idea is there's 15 people of different backgrounds. This guy's a carpenter. The one who lasts the longest wins. They don't know

about each other, what they're doing. They don't meet up. They don't know anything. They just got to stay as long as they can. The carpenter, I think within in three hours

cut himself so badly with his axe that he had to be airlifted out three hours three hours and he chopped himself

he had a mini axe he was trying to chop some wood for fire cut his leg so badly he needed a lot of stitches he had to fucking call the medieval

he was in the helicopter going I'm gutted I've worked with tools all my life cut his leg so badly and he needed a lot of stitches. He had to fucking call the medieval. Call it, you're right. He was in the helicopter going, I'm gutted. I've worked with tools all my life. Not that one. So bad. How did he manage to do that then? I think he was doing this one

where you're like, it's between your legs. Right. He just lost it. Good God. Well. I don't think even I would do that. No, I don't think I would do that either.

Chiefly because I'd be crying. So I wouldn't be able to use that. Just please someone else. What would you do? So what they did, what they did quite well in the program. So I wouldn't be able to use that. Just please someone else. What would you do? So what they did, what they did quite well in the program. Chose roles for, right. They're all on their own.

They're not as a team. Oh. No, they're all on their own. By yourself. Right, okay. And a lot of them, so what they did is they kind of profiled which ones,

because they were saying like, fire, water, shelter, food. Yeah. They're the four things you basically did. And what people did first. And I think the people who did the best so far did the fire first. Okay.

Right. They're like, right, I need to stay warm. Yeah. They're all by the side of a river anyway. So they're like, I need to boil that water.

So do that, I need a fire. Yeah. And I've got to do that before I get started. Can you not just drink running water? There, I'm dead. I've only made the bad decision.

I think, I think, it's not ideal. I think because in that part of the world, you've got maybe do that before I get started. Can you not just drink running water? There, I'm dead. I've only made the bad decision. I think... It's not ideal. I think because in that part of the world you've got maybe dead animals in it, it could be bacteria in it, you need to boil it, basically. Right. It's not like a pristine

picture postcard stream and you're not in an Enid Blyton book. Right. You have to boil it. So you need fire. So the ones who did the best so far did fire first, then they did the water,

got themselves hydrated, then they did their shelter before it got dark. Okay. Yeah, nice. Is that what you would do? No, I would just eat the first mushroom and just see where it took me.

See what happened. See what happened. So, either beautifully nutritious, amazingly psychedelic, or death. Exactly, or death, yeah. Either way, I'm having a nice time. Either way, I'm getting water,

I'm getting food and sustenance, and as you... You're providing food for other people by being dead. As you start to trip, you will warm up, I imagine. Yeah. But the bears have come pretty quick. The bears.

So one guy did this thing where he starts to build this shelter and he spends a lot of time finding an area. So I think I'm right in saying that animals have walkthroughs, right? Patterns of behaviour. Yeah. And the way that you see those is you can probably see evidence that a bear's been rubbing itself up against a tree, right?

Yes, yeah. So that's a bear's kind of thoroughfare. You don't want to go near there. No. So this guy kind of knew that. He was talking about, he was only 19, this guy, and he was talking about how much

he's interested in bushcraft and stuff and how he wanted to do this because he's always been interested in it. So he knew all that stuff. So he takes the time to go to a different place and he starts knocking some trees down to make his shelter. and stuff and now he wants to do this because he's always been interested in it so he knew all that stuff and then so he he takes the time to go to a different place and he starts knocking some trees down to make his shelter

and as he starts hacking them down they obviously collapse he starts chopping them up to try and build his shelter he just turns one of the trunks over and it's got a load of bear claws in it and he's like oh fuck

but it's like getting dark now and so I can't really change so I'm going to have to just get on with it and then the next clip is just like two eyes in the dark

and then you go fucking hell yeah and it cuts to the next episode what? is this an IRL real life?

yeah what? serious baby they're all filming themselves as well so they're not even good god is this like new?

Sunshine of Thought came out maybe a week or so ago that looks really interesting but also I'm never going to watch it yeah you never watch a programme I recommend what's wrong with you? because's on Channel 4. It came out maybe a week or so ago. That looks really interesting, but also I'm never going to watch it. Yeah, you never watch a programme I recommend. What's wrong with you? Because I've got to wait

until I'm at least 10 and I'd fall into it naturally. And you're never watching things that I watch. That's just the way people are, isn't it? What's the most recent thing you've watched on telly? What's that documentary about? It's not called Medicine. It's about the issues with drugs in America.

Doogie Howser, what's his name? Doogie Howser? He's a doctor. You mean the thing that's based on that Patrick Redding Keith book, Empire of Pain? Yes. About the OxyContin crisis. OxyContin.

Yeah. And my takeaway from that is I want to try OxyContin. Yeah, I thought it might be. That's a really sad situation in the US. It is, yeah. Of course it is. Oxycontin yeah and my takeaway from that is I want to try Oxycontin yeah I thought it might be that's a really sad situation in the US it is yeah of course it is

because people can't afford healthcare horrific so they're basically self-medicating pen pulling it and then getting addicted but you still get Oxycontin though

but in the US yeah yeah yeah right you can't it just sounds like if they're making films like that it just sounds like

how is that still allowed but don't they all start off on prescription and then they end up yeah then they end up just turning off it is that still allowed but don't they all start off on prescription and then they end up yeah then they end up just turning off it's either a doctor

who doesn't give a shit who just prescribes it on their plan or they end up buying it from people who have been prescribed on their plan or just getting it

off the black market or whatever yeah it's kind of wild because the regulation of drugs in this country is much stricter yeah like you can

a lot of stuff you've got to go on the dark web and buy it from Pakistan. Is that what you do? That's what I have done in the past, to buy Valium for sleepies in going to Japan. Is Valium legal in this country? It's legal. It was prescribed.

You can't buy it. And you can just go and get a prescription from the doctor? You could, yeah. But they wouldn't give you much, because it's quite... I think it's quite... You can slide into just using it quite a lot. And for the record, Pete is not recommending this. No, I'm not. it's quite I think it's quite you can slide into just using it quite a lot. And for the record

Peter's not recommending this. No I'm not. He's absolutely not recommending it. Let's take a quick break Peter while you can get a hit.

Yeah get a bang one out. And then when we come back we'll do a couple of email shows to finish off. Alright then. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's

fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's the Luke and Pete show. I am Pete Donaldson.

And, you know, we're doing what we're doing. We're doing it. I'm Pete Donaldson. It sounded like the start of a confession. I am Pete Donaldson. And, you know, we're doing what we're doing. We're doing it. I'm Pete Donaldson. That sounded like the start of a confession. I'm Pete Donaldson. And I brought some valium back in the day. On the dark web. It's not on the dark web.

It's just on the normal web. You said dark web. It's all grey fucking shit anyway. What does that mean? I don't know. It's not like no one's got a prison for it. But you started off by saying it's on the dark web well

you tried to sound cool I was trying to sound cool I'm so sorry that's alright Mark's been in touch by emailing hello at lukeandpeatshow.com and he says

Kiora from Wellington, New Zealand yes Kiora is the Maori word for hello I think hello which is where the old cordial drink comes from Kiora it is remember that I remember it had a racist advert it did have a racist advert yeah I think Hello Which is where the old Cordial drink comes from Keora

It is Do you remember that I remember It had a racist advert It did have a racist advert Yeah Yeah it did I'm thinking about

And I literally can't Say half of the stuff In the advert And Do you know what We'll get to Mark's email But this just reminded me There was a load of comics

That I liked reading as a kid Yeah And obviously I'm a dad now And when my son's a bit older i'd like him to enjoy those comics as well and so um the one thing i loved more than anything else was calvin and hobbes did you like calvin and hobbes uh big um tiger yeah it's like a guy's imaginary friend who's a good stuffed tiger yes okay it's amazing it's much bigger and better than just the general story about a kid it's like it's one of those things that speaks to the wider human condition.

It's brilliant. Bill Watson's a really interesting guy. He's never agreed to any merch being made. He's never agreed to any IP being converted. He retired it when he was ready in like 1995 and he was done. Very much not the Dilbert end of life. Definitely not. I loved Dilbert back in the day.

Can't. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. I imagine that's exactly what it's like working in corporate America. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Yes, ITR. He spoke to you,

didn't he? Ha ha ha. Very, very funny. Oh, he's a dick. So anyway, Calvin and Hobbes is very safe, fertile ground

for your son to run a comic stream. Nice. I thought, you know what? When I was a kid, I used to wait until Christmas

every year to get a compendium or what's it called? An annual. Bean or wisdoming Chips yeah all that kind of stuff and I was a Calvin and Hobbes guy

but you can buy a kind of celebratory leather bound hardback collection yes of all of

the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips ever done and I thought you know what I'm going to push the boat out I'm going to get that for him when he comes of age you'll love that

guaranteed he won't like it I'll read it that's always the way though guaranteed he won't like it I'll read it that's always the way though that's coming back to me I'll read all of them again I'll read all of them again it's a win win for me I'm not going to force it on him

because of course he will reject that and I thought do you know what else I liked when I was a kid asterix lead toys asterix

right yeah and Tintin yes okay Tintin let's talk ask me if he can read Tintin now oh probably not no he definitely cannot the one where he goes to the moon no the one where is that one alright the one where Tintin. Yes, okay. Tintin, let's go. Ask me if he can read Tintin now. Oh, probably not. No, he fucking cannot. The one where he goes to the moon?

No, the one where Tintin... Is that one alright? The one where Tintin goes to the Belgium-occupied Congo? No, he cannot. No, he cannot read that. So that's a no. Oh my god, yeah.

We're not doing that one. We'll stick with Coward and Hobbes for now. Asterix, I haven't really investigated. No, I think you're alright. Any kind of problematic, it's against the Gauls or something, isn't it? Yeah. It's against some very lost civilizations.

Yeah. Where I presume the racism's okay. I don't know. If you're a parent out there and you listen to this and you're thinking about, wouldn't it be great for your child to revisit all those Tintins?

Yeah. But it isn't. Don't do that. One of my favourite cartoons was Boy with a Magic Transistor Radio Danny Stranny was it?

back in Dandy I think it was I'm thinking of Jamie and the Magic Torch that's different do you remember Jamie and the Magic Torch? he'd shine it

and he could jump into the world yeah yeah yeah I just start thinking with that they can't rebrand him so what do they do they can't rebrand him

because that's admitting because it's not actually about the thing. It's short for Transistor Radio, right? Exactly. People would say that, yeah. So it's, so it's,

yeah, so it's difficult. Yeah. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? I'm going to sit on my keister and do fuck all Luke. Keister. Good to hear it.

Keister. The only time you ever hear the word keister these days is in that bit in Home Alone. Get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off my property

before I pump your guts full of lead. Anyway, back to Mark. Pump your guts, yellow, no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. Anyway, back to Mark. Pump your guts. Mark, Tommy going in there. Mark says,

your recent chat about the fellow escaping from prison and how it's kind of the prison's responsibility to keep you locked up reminded me of something I read a while ago.

It's worth pointing out, by the way, that that guy's just pleaded not guilty to that. Which is an incredible flex by him. Anyway, Mark says, it turns out there are several countries

where it is actually legal to try and escape from prison. According to Wikipedia, in Belgium, Germany, the Netherlands, Sweden, Austria, and several other countries, the philosophy of the law holds that it is human nature to want to escape. In those countries,

escapees who do not break any other laws are not charged and no extra time is added to their sentence. That's quite interesting for the software, isn't it? So basically what they're saying is, this is a punishment. We know it's your human nature to want to escape from this punishment. So it's our responsibility to keep you there. If you get out, good on you.

But does that not encourage prisons to be more and more restrictive when they don't need to be? Because it's probably, presumably cheaper to keep a prisoner in a box than keep him in a prison. Well, it's famously, isn't it here, more expensive to keep a prisoner

in prison for a year than it is to send a kid to Eton. Nice, I like that. So the prison service in this country is in a right old state for millions of different reasons.

Wasn't there one that, what was that, is it Foucault came up with that special prison? Is it the Panopticon? Where like, you could see the prisoners

but the prisoners couldn't see you from this special vantage point. Right. And I think about, Sounds quite dystopian. Yeah, I think it wasn't,

I don't think it was ever built. Or maybe it was built a few times. But yeah, an interesting little, maybe, maybe just, maybe we should just put prisons

in stuff we're not using now. Like shopping centres. Nobody uses shopping centres anymore. Put the prisoners in there. You can be in Fine Fair. You can be in Rumbler's. Would the people start to work there? You are?

No, no, no, no. You can be in the Sue Ryder. You can be in the Cash Converters. Yeah, you've updated that. Rumbler's hasn't been around for ages. Fine Fair hasn't either. I've never been in the cash converters. What?

Never. You never want to buy some hooky Dims? Hooky RAM? I'll never buy anything from them. Hooky hard drives? I've never been in there.

I've never been in the Greggs either. Do you not want to pick up the best rowdy-roddy paper on DVD? I do, but I just buy off the internet. Care packs? Do you want to buy

a copy of care packs? Anyway, Mark finishes the email by saying, it's surprising more people don't try it. It sounds quite fun. Doesn't appear to have any downsides

and prison is probably quite boring. Maybe prisons really are like holiday camps as the Daily Mail claims and the prisoners are already having a lovely time in there. Anyway, love the show. Keep up the good work, Mark. I think sometimes on dark days, people can sort of look at a prisoner's life

and sort of go, when they've got lots of responsibilities and people they could let down at any moment, they probably would quite like the clean slate and the quiet and the peace. And if the only thing you've got to worry about is a man throwing hot sugar from a kettle in your mouth, what else?

That's quite a big worry, though, isn't it? That is a big worry. It's a spectacular worry, but, you know. I just think, the thing about prisons is that everyone over a certain age, and it's mostly men over 50. That's probably what you drink your tea anyway. That is true. No, I don't have sugar in my tea, actually.

No, you don't have sugar. But it's that people who've, let's just say men over 50, right? They've all got an opinion on prisons. They're so not likely to be in there. The level of knowledge of a prison is so low. It's hard to think of another subject where people have got such low knowledge

and such strong opinions. You know, one of the things is the big battle between punishment and rehabilitation, right? When you sit down with anyone, even not the most right-wing person, and say, what do you want prison to do?

When you actually talk about it, they kind of don't want the prisoner to re-offend. So they do, in which case, then they want rehabilitation. But if you give a prisoner rehabilitation, i.e. if you learn this, or if you learn that skill, or if you earn this reward,

it makes society work for you better they go I don't want that they've got TV what do you actually want from them do you want

this is a genuine question do you want them to sit in like a concrete room with a hole in the ground and not learn anything yeah because I do think obviously for serious crimes

there is a punishment aspect people need to understand that if they do something fucking horrific there's a punishment but if there's an ability to rehabilitate them they should take that take that opportunity what i what i like about it is that there couldn't have been a better time for me to voice uh a voiceover for the lucan pete show uh because i believe either this week or next week the show is sponsored by his majesty's prison appropriations is it really

is it really it is. They're trying to advertise for people to work there, are they? I think they've got jobs available. And I think, and we do, this sounds like a sponsored segment. It's completely, Luke didn't know

that I did a voiceover for the prison and probation service. It may have already gone. I don't know, because I don't know how they're really scheduled. But it just really made me laugh that we're talking about

prisons and rehabilitation. Yeah, that's a really weird question. And we happen to be sponsored uh by yeah um i think they're sort of trying to get across that i think we have we do again we don't know so much about prisons as people on the outside and so we uh so we imagine like certain things and we think that the sort of people who work inside the prison are um you know, these superheroes. You have to be physically imposing. You have to be this, you have to be that. But it's not actually the case.

Like people, do you know anybody who works inside a prison? One of our former colleagues who I gave a reference to now. Called this place a prison. No, works for the Prison Radio Association. Yes, okay, yeah. So you get like vital vital stuff part of teaching them

skills and kind of tapping into people's interests is that it's like a radio there was actually a really well really well done

podcast series in the US called Ear Hustle where a journalist fucking NPR type journalist went into might have been San Quentin even

right and did a series with a prisoner. And obviously because it's America, and they selected the person carefully, but the most charismatic, entertaining bloke, and they talked a bit about prison culture and what it means, but obviously America's a bit different kettle of fish really. But I just think that, you know, yes, we have to understand that people should be punished for crimes. I think that's fair.

But I think that, fair but I think that you know the more you just focus on punishment and the less you focus on rehabilitation you're just ensuring that people are going

to go back to prison again like what's the point and it costs everyone money it costs the taxpayer but that's not a headline though is it you know what I mean that's not going to get

you selling papers that's not going to get the parties back but it's like the Rishi Sunak thing last week where he said, we're not going to do this

to hit our climate targets. We're not going to do this, we're not going to do that. But then he sort of said, we're not going to put a tax on eating meat and all this stuff. And none of those things

actually happened or were in the works for happening. They've just invented a boogeyman and they've just strawmanned the argument and just kind of like

knocked it down and so it's just like that sells newspapers doesn't it but they're in damage control though aren't

they yeah massive damage control it's like a death cycle they're like yeah they

don't know what they're doing nah it's crazy how far I think it's crazy how far

this country's fallen but luckily it's people like you and me Peter to entertain the masses we'd like to be

entertaining more masses give the prisoners mp3 players what would you give them a zune creative zen creative zen do you remember

the creative zen I remember the creative zen yeah I remember I used to have like a little mini cd player that had like mp3s on it so it was like

a mini cd so it held half how did that work then it held like a third of what a cd would. How did that work then? It held like a third of what a CD would hold, and it would spin around, but the MP3 files were small. Because on a CD,

one song is like, probably like 50 megabytes. What did you get on the CD? You only get 76 on the CD, don't you? You get something like 700 megabytes. Or 760 megabytes. So you get like 700, 800 megabytes. And so each song is like

about 70 megabytes, I think. On an MP3, that's like three megabytes. So you get like 700, 800 megabytes. And so each song is like about 770 megabytes, I think. On an MP3, that's like three megabytes. So you could fit loads on a little mini CD, so they would play like... And also, you can load them into memory very quickly, so you wouldn't have any skipping. It was perfect. It was a perfect solution to a really big problem.

And, you know, fantastic. People who are younger listening to this have no idea what you're talking about. No, they don't even know what a CD is, never mind a mini CD. So I've got about i think nearly a thousand cds in my attic right yeah good that my the wi-fi of access to was like well they're going in the attic if you haven't that's fair if you haven't all your records out you're not having all your things out as well there's no room what have you got against the laser they're going to get laser

rot up there will they a lot of the c CDs are dying because of laser rot. What does that mean? The, I think fungus grows in between the layers of the CD and they start to sort of blister and break. Oh, that's annoying. Digital media, man. I'll never listen to them anyway. It's good to have them there as a little collection. But I guess like where, but records are way more flimsy. Yeah, but my records are stacked properly in the living room,

so they're not going to get damper in like that. Yeah. So it's fine. Anyway, let's get out of here, Peter. Why don't you take us home? Do we do an ad break? I can't remember. I can't fucking remember.

Doesn't matter. At some point, there'll be an advert for the probation service. Which is a weird coincidence. Such a weird coincidence. Yeah, we'll be back if you want to get

just for the show. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com You can get us on TikTok, you can get us on YouTube, you can get us on YouTube, you can get us on Twitter and also Instagram. All of the major food groups there. Luke's yawning. Let's get over here. I'm tired now. You're a new dad. A lot of content. I'm surprised you're able to

perform at this level, quite frankly. Some people will say I can't. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network. Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.