The Luke and Pete Show - Luke and Pete are here to discuss some sheet

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Turns out your favourite duo aren’t the only Luke and Pete in the wider podcasting ecosystem. So now we have extensive beef with a seemingly questionable Pete and Luke we’ve just stumbled across.That aside, Luke discusses his new potential career as a sleep coach (“just get your head down”) and we finally crack the Steven Bartlett conundrum. Plus, peculiar places to watch the O.J. Simpson car chase, batteries aplenty and the grim, grey line between what’s socially acceptable and illegal within the confines of your own car.Email us at [e-mail] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson joined by Mr. Luke E. Moore. Hope you are well and hope you are keeping well Luke. I figure you're the only person that calls me Luke E. Moore still. Is that alright? Well, you sort of, when those things are kind of baked into your brain, they sort of, yeah, they sort of, they sort of stick there. And for me, a non-talented broadcaster, I find it very hard to change. I'm not asking you to change. I'm just saying that it's just, it's a bit of anachronistic, that's all. Oh, what's the new brand?

Just call me Luke. Luke. Can I have a Lucas? This show is Luke and Pete talking shit. Luke and Pete. Look, it's Luke and Pete talking shit. Yeah. How would you tell someone this thing? How would I what? I was referencing the Luke and Pete talk sheet recent

show that sounded a bit problematic. This show is problematic but in a totally benign and boring way. Completely. We are very anti, one of us is very anti Neil Young, one of us is very pro Neil Young, one of us is very pro Neil Young, one of us is, we are on, we're a little bit upset with how big badges are, but we're very pro battery. It's nice to have things written down, it's nice to have your proclivities and loves and hates written down. We like the Elon Musk of podcast, very pro battery. Yes, we are yeah.

Rare earth minerals, we quite like to conel our smiles. And. Yeah. Yeah. Rare minerals. Quite like to colonize my mouth. And think that the world's against us. Um, Pete, I was going to say something to you then. What was it? I was going to say, um, oh yeah. If we did do a, um, a poll cast swap with the other Luke and Pete, would it be more or less problematic for us doing, would listening or would they do with our listeners because I get the impression our listeners are quite like right on. Yeah okay yeah I mean so yeah I mean I think if we suddenly released a show called Hate Hipsters I'm Not A Pervert Am I, Racist Man's Wife Cheats With Black Man, one might question what we've, we've, we've done. Is that serious? That's one of the, that's one of the, yeah. What's more important family

or money? Obviously money. Um, and uh, yeah. Should you delete your ex's nudes after a breakup? I mean, I guess that's more of a moral maze that, um, I mean, clearly legally has a, has a, has a distinct decision. Well I think the laws of the land has decided what you should do, hasn't it? Say again, the laws of the, yeah, a lot of the stuff that guests asked on this podcast seems to be, you know, kind of cleared up by legal obligations you have as a citizen. Whereas ours revolve around berating people with professional jobs like pilots and doctors. It's true actually, yeah.

And asking people to send us in their weird batteries. There's an episode eight days ago, mental health, is Luke bullying Pete? And there's a picture of the Pete character. He's been punched in the eye. They wouldn't be, they wouldn't know the difference in that one. That's exactly the same.

The best, I told you the best ever review of our Luke and Pete show was when I saw an Apple podcast. It was a five star review to be fair. And it said, it said, something like one man with low self-esteem talks about his problems while the other man who is insecure and bullying because he also has low self-esteem talks about his problems. Perfect. Yeah, perfect. Fast as. What you got the internet for? Yeah, but the people who, you know what, when we did the Ramble tour, I was actually quite

taken aback by the amount of people who said, I love the Luke and Pete show. I love it. It was honestly the second thing people would say. Did you get it as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mad, isn't it? Yeah. Worrying. I find it quite heartening because all we are is just ourselves, but at the same time, I think people probably put more stock in it than you do.

What do you mean? As in me personally, both of us? No, you. Me. You don't care. You just do whatever. Right. What do you do? What do you mean? As in me personally, both of us? No, you. Me. You don't care. You just do whatever. Right. What do you mean? What I'm saying is you don't, you're just like, yeah, we'll do some episodes. Yeah, yeah. You don't care is what I'm saying. Yeah. I think it's more important to them than it is to you. Right. Are you saying that I am helping through things? Yeah, I think there's nothing. Talk about poo and wee and stuff. It's a compliment because I don't think there's anything affected about you. Right. A lot of it's a performance, isn't it? Yeah. I always remember once when I went

to, when I was working in music, which sounds much grander than it is, but let me put it in more detail. When I had a job in the music industry, but they exploited me for the lowest possible wages, but made me do the most amount of work possible. I used to go to shows, right? So part of my job was to be, you know, ear to the ground, checking out the new artists on the scene, right? Which sounds incredibly outdated now because I guess it's all done online now, but we used to go to shows, right? And there was this band that I'm not going to name because it would be unfair.

They never went on to do anything, but one of their members is in a band that's quite well known now. The guy I was with, the more senior guy I was with said, we can't, um, go near those guys because they're too affected. Right. At the time I didn't know what that meant. What he meant was like, when you watch them, it doesn't seem authentic. Yeah.

It seems like they want to do it. And it's like, there was one guitarist particularly, he was very kind of like spending all his time trying to look mysterious or cool with ladies and stuff. There's no authenticity to it so we can't be associated with it. It might be right for other labels, but it won't be right for us. And you are not like that. You're the opposite to that. Right. Nor ladies are looking at me. No.

No. I don't think so. I don't think any ladies are looking at either of us, are they? No. Why do you look after us? My wife said to me this morning, speaking of women treating us with the respect we deserve, my wife said to me this morning when I left the house to take my son to nursery, don't forget to put his jacket on the peg. On the peg at nursery? Yeah. Is that your...

Has she seen that it's not been on the peg? No. He just threw it on a car. She just thought to herself, can I trust my husband, the father of my child, to successfully place a two year old's coat on his peg? Bearing in mind in my son's nursery, the peg has got his photo underneath it and his name. She thought, I better just remind him of that. That's what she holds me in terms of esteem. I think with my partner, she reminds me to do stuff and I bristle and I haven't

done it. So she is well within our rights to remind me of it. I've never known anyone to bristle more about things than you. Yeah, fair. You bristle everything. I'm a bristly man. You'll do a thing where you'll make a point that's obviously on your mind for a while. And I'll listen to it. Right. I'll probably not agree with it, but I'll listen to it. Yeah. And then when I'm doing my response, you just walk off.

Uh, yeah. Cause it's all about me. Just getting it out. And it's a drive by. It's basically a drive by. You've heard it. I don't need more. I don't need more input to feel bad about myself. But my response will be, yeah, I understand what you're saying, but maybe if we could just think about it. It's gone. That's it. Luke, does it matter how many ex-partners she's had? I'm reading off the Luke and Pete

talk sheet. What is it about that? It's mad, isn't it? It is mad. Can I just say, there's a load of stuff in that kind of right wing space that obviously is hugely problematic. But the term body count seems to be like run through like a stick of rock. There's a real obsession for baby men. For some reason, and bro you can do your own kind of cod psychology on me about this, for some reason I find it very, very almost offensive how much young men seem to care about what their perspective of Pakistan before

they even knew you existed. Absolutely wild. Is it the Pokemon cards thing? They want like a mint Pokemon card because they're children. Do you think there's some sort of like correlation there? Like it's like that life is just one big pack opening and I want the best. I want the... It just seems like... But fundamentally, if you are the sort of person who is interested in sex as a young man, you probably would be. Yeah, look, it's got his hand up. Wouldn't you want somebody who'd done it more than once? Like, wouldn't you want someone who was good at it? Like...

It's not even that angle for me. The angle for me is like... It's pathetic, whichever way it is. Yeah, but you're looking to have ownership over someone retrospectively. It's not even that angle for me. The angle for me is like... It's pathetic, whichever way it is. But you're looking to have ownership over someone retrospectively. It's like... It's a bit peed. It's a bit peed. It doesn't make any sense. It's a bit peed.

And you know, I've encountered a... You've really hit on something there with the old mint Pokemon card thing, because obviously these guys are all essentially overgrown man-children, right? And I remember working with someone, I'm not going to name them, because it wouldn't be fair, they're not here to defend themselves, but they couldn't, they were younger than me and they couldn't get over the idea that when they first bought their first home, it had to be a new build because they couldn't count on it's the idea of living someone that someone else had already lived in the past. And I found that strange. Do you find that

strange? I find it strange because like if you are really annoyed about that, I mean, it like new builds are frequently poorly crafted, poorly created, poorly crafted. And you just sort of think like basically most houses are built by burly men who have done a poo or a wee in the building. They have. So you've had to check the plumbing somehow. You have to check the plumbing somehow. Someone's done a wee in your toilet I'm afraid. I'm

so sorry for you to learn about this. Probably had a crafty one as well. Builders. Builders. But yeah. I reckon also not only that, how many builders bombs have been on display when they're doing the finishing. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, like what, where does it end? Do you want like pure cement that's never, that's, you know, rock that's been pulled out of a quarry like first? You get into like proper like, bean to cup type stuff. Right. Yeah. But like, um, also I can understand if you buy a new house, the first thing you want to do is maybe put your own new carpets in or something like that. Yeah.

Cause there's a lot of, a lot of grot in the carpets. I mean, I tell you the people who buy the house after me, with my two year old knocking about, oh, the amount of times I've treading on like, just the carpet and banana in the carpet. I think becoming a dad is very much, you've got banana on you somewhere. I'm just constantly covered in banana. It's also just being comfortable with every type of bodily fluid. Yeah. It's weird because like Sarah's not asked about puke, poo, wee, whatever. Snot, she has a real issue. Oh really? And it's like, they're just, I guess that's the visible one, I suppose, all the time,

but like they're just always snotty kids, aren't they? I don't find any of those things problematic. No. It's my own kid. But my wife can't deal with vomit because I can't deal with early mornings. So I'll take the vomit. I thought you were a morning guy these days. I thought you were a... There's morning guy then there's that. I think there's people out there who can't get up before like 9am, isn't there? I think you can read... But I used to be that person.

I used to be like, you know, my radio to, my radio show used to finish at one. And I'd sometimes end up still at the station at that point instead of just putting it on, putting a pre-recorded link on and going home. But yeah, so I was, I was a night owl. I was, I was a Spellz, a spell dog. I understand, but I think what a lot of people who aren't very good in the morning say is that like modern life is almost arbitrarily dictated by the fact that we have to do things early. Right. So a lot of studies that say it's actually not that helpful for teenage kids at school to be going into school at 7am. Right. They need a lot of sleep. You know, really if you're putting the kids interest at heart rather than some old, weird Victorian hangover self-discrimination stuff, then it's probably not the best. But I think if you're working till one in the morning or whatever I mean here with the guys if they're producing a late night show, we don't expect them to come in first thing. Hmm

but my son gets about half past five which is just It's difficult. I Think anything pre anything pre six is hard. It's weird though. I can feel fine getting up at six But when I do abroad Japan, I I can feel fine getting up at six, but when I do a Broad in Japan, I get up at ten to six, sometimes quarter to six. Makes a big difference, doesn't it? And it makes a, I think it's just a more, seeing that five-fifty on your phone and it's

saying you've got, you know, and it might still say you've got seven hours before you get up, it's still five-fifty, man. You're getting up at ten to six for a six-clock record? Yeah. People are getting fever dream stuff from you on that show I've said it before I'm alright. I'm alright on it I think I should do almost yours then get him out the way finished by 6 lovely rest of the day is mine I'm not doing that but you can't but really you can't go back to sleep after you've got up that early

I can even even if you don't have a coffee or anything because you're not a big coffee guy Have some coffee for fuck's sake don't have a coffee or anything because you're not a big coffee guy. Have some coffee for fuck's sake. Get the most tea-est coffee around. There was a morning this week when I got up with my son about, I think it was like fucking brutal, it was like 458 or whatever. My son, what are you doing to me? Yeah and I eventually got him to nursery, bag on the dot of when it opened and came back and I fell asleep till like 10 30. Right. Okay. Yeah. I've been out the house, dressed and everything. I'm pretty good at that. That's the one thing I've said. I've said to you guys, I've said to you guys, listen to this show before I could make a fucking bomb.

I reckon as a sleep coach, because I've got so many techniques. What's your advice? Get your head down. I'm not telling you that now. If I get the job, I'll give you the information. You know what's really interesting as well? Give me point two. Can I just say something that is making me sound like Alan Partridge needs to say I had the last laugh? Because you know I've been railing, and we all have really, but I've been in the vanguard of it. I've been railing against your Bartlett, your Humphreys.

Right. Bartlett, I think I've realised why he looks like a baby. It's his teeth. When he smiles. I think he's got, he looks like he's got no teeth in the top so it looks like he's a baby. Right. That's all I got. No, that's okay. Just to remind him. Helpful prologue. So basically, I've always said, we've always said to be fair, I can't

say the credit for it. I think we're on the right side of history on this. I know you're not going to get any credit for slagging other people off in the industry, but we're on the right side of history. You know, we are right with this stuff. And I've always said the Humphrey and the Bartlett kind of faux humility, faux modesty. If I can do it, anyone can do it. This is what you need to do. Blah, blah, blah. It's bullshit. Right? And it's just serves to self aggrandize them. Well, at the podcast show, Pete, I've completely forgot to tell you at the podcast show, there was a mental health talk, right? Yeah. With the guy, I think he was a director of calm, you know, the app calm, which is genuinely put out there to help people's mental health,

help them sleep, help them relax, help them meditate, that kind of stuff. And he fucking went to town on those cunts. Did he? Yeah. Lovely. He said, I don't want to put words in his mouth. You can probably look it up. Dr. Heal thyself, mate.

He was, yeah, he was, yeah, he had a rage fit. He got a horse and headlock. Lost his job. Lost his fucking loft. Yeah. So I was pleased about that. Yeah. Because this guy actually knows what he's talking about.

Less calm, more calm over here pleasing in it but he's but Bartlett's obviously celebrated is I mean I think quite recently he released an AI podcast AI produced AI sound design all the arrogance shot he released at the podcast show where thousands of people's jobs rely on broadcasting yeah absolutely right but but I think he's confused why people listen to shows like that. They listen to shows like that because of the guest. They don't necessarily, maybe the vibes, definitely the guest, less so Bartlett. And I think when you start becoming a Humphrey or a Bartlett and you start to sort of, you

know, believe and drink your own Kool Aid and get excited about what your proposition is. I think you forget, I forget how little you're bringing to the show. Do you know what I mean? Totally. And I think it's like when Stuart Leigh said about Richard Herring, isn't it? He said, I love Richard Herring's podcast because it's great to hear all the young comedians he has on there and chiefly what Richard Herring thinks of them. It's that thing, isn't it? It's like making yourself the story. I suppose. But can I also say something else? Can I also give you another wicked whisper about Bartlett? Right. Okay. Yeah. I don't think it's actionable, but we'll see. We've got Charlie on the darts. We're in safe hands. Someone told me that they went to visit flight studio,

which is Steven Bartlett's company, uh, to visit an old friend. And it was very early in the morning, start of the working day. And when they wandered around the office, they realized no one was at their desk and they heard a noise and they investigated it further. And to cut a long story short, um short everyone who was in that day was doing a chant, a mantra chanting together to start the day. Yeah well when you walk around Japan you see builders having like a morning sort of Tai Chi kind of vibe lesson kind of like a little bit of morning stretching. I think you know it's not the same.

Little bit of morning stretching, little bit of affirmations. What have you got against affirmations? I don't mind, I've got nothing against any of that stuff. I just think it's quite performative and cultish when you're doing it together like that. Yeah, I think cultish is definitely the word. Not our vibe I would say. Not our vibe. I'm looking forward to the investigative documentary podcast series about it. Right, for the break. Let's take a break. We'll be back after this break trying to figure out whether our disabled friend has been used by a beautiful woman. Episode 22 of the Luke and Pete Show talk sheet. We'll see in a second.

Must we punish them? It's the Luke and Pete Show and we're back and every Thursday we give you batteries. What should you be punished for this week, Peter? Oh, what should I be, what have I done wrong? I've been doing quite a lot of late night drilling. I don't think my neighbours are going to be happy with it. You're detached house aren't you? Semi detached so the people next door will not be happy because I've got a tree root that's growing towards my house and it's disturbed some bricks and I'm going

to have to do some brick laying which I'm not really familiar with. But you're excited for it I can tell. I'm absolutely apoplectic with excitement. I went next door, next door at one, who are having a loft renovation. They've got a big bucket of builder sand and I've asked, can I have some of your sand? Can I have a scoop? Can I have a scoop? To that with a little spoon?

Yeah, a little scoop. What's the difference between builder sand and normal sand? Well I don't know. Well I just think it? Turn up with a little spoon? Yeah, a little spoon, can I have a scoop? What's the difference between building sand and normal sand? I dunno, well I just think it's normal sand. Well I guess normal, I could just go down to the sea I suppose and get it there, but I thought it's probably purer. Are these your neighbours who sent you a letter saying, oh everyone hates your fucking dogs? Was it one of them?

No, that was a different neighbour. Do you know who it was now? We assume who it was. Well when's the campaign of hate beginning? Well that's what I build them with me sand and building a brick wall. Surely you got to get them out, build a brick wall. I've got a mate who loves a campaign of hate. Right. He wronged him. And once his, um, he was different flat upstairs. It's not me. It's not me. Cause what I'm about to tell you is actually quite

brave. It was definitely not me. Um, he was living in the top floor of this block and downstairs, a lot of students moved in. Three of them, lads. And my friend's very small, actually smaller than you, but he's got a Joe Pesci feel to him. Stucky. No, just mental. Just meant. Yeah. And he said, this is the story as he tells it. He went down there once to ask them to keep the noise down because it was a weekday and they had to go to work next day. Yeah. And they were like, oh, sorry. They were perfectly reasonable about it, but they didn't really keep the noise down. Second time went down there again. Come on. Same deal. Didn't do it. Third time went down there again with a cricket bat over his shoulder and made the same point. So fourth time, cause they didn't

learn the lesson. He said, I waited for the poshest one to open the door and I absolutely smashed him in the kneecap with the cricket ball. That's not allowed. And he collapsed like a heap in the threshold of the door. Yeah. And they said the problem was sorted. The problem was sorted. I smashed a man's kneecap. Never had a problem again. Never had a problem again.

And I said to him, the fact that you're so small and so mad has played into your favour there. Yeah. Because people, because I'm big, people expect me to be hard, but I'm not. Right. So I never get taken seriously. So do you reckon I should ramp it up a little bit? 100%! Like shit my pants in public and you know, looking a bit wild. You've gone there with that.

I've gone there with that because I want to do it. I want to wear an adult nappy. I'm not generally a fan of violence. The only exception I'll make is if I think you should better do whatever you want physically to Nazis, right? So I think, you know, it's interesting, isn't it? Like across to the 20th century, you got quite left-wing people who are pacifists, who don't really agree with the pointlessness of war. They hate Vietnam. They hate the first world war. They hate Iraq, all that kind of stuff, right? For their own legitimate reasons. Everyone is united around the fact that the second world war was pretty important. It was good

that we won it. Yeah. Right. So I think that's because everyone hates Nazis. So I think if you go out there as an avowed Nazi and throw up your salutes and act like a Nazi, I think you should have your fucking head filled. I think anyone who thinks that they're still in their bedroom behind their keyboard and then they get, you know, they realize. So aside from that though, I'm not an advocate of violence. Racists on a train getting knocked out. Yeah. Can't get enough of that. We watch them knocked out. Yeah, can't get enough of that.

We watch them for days. Yeah, can't get enough of it. I think you could probably get away with someone slagging off your dogs. I think you could do some low level violence. Oh, like Japanese knotweed in the garden. Nice one. Is that a fact of the house? No.

No. Give me some more examples, I'll tell you. Oil. Just oil? General. Hot or just room temperature? On their car, on their door handles, just everywhere they're touching. They're like, oh, why is there oil everywhere? It's got a Home Alone vibe. I'm for that. Exactly. Yeah. You can do any of the pranks that Kevin

McCulloch does in Home Alone. Right. Shitting someone with a BB gun, setting back to someone's hat. Yeah. Slash hair. Hot iron in the face. It's probably a bit too much. BB gun one's not bad though, is it? No. I've been shot with a BB gun. It's probably a bit too much. It's probably a bit too much. BB gun wasn't bad though, was it? No. I've been shot with a BB gun, it wasn't that bad. I bought a steamer, because you brought a steamer to the Rambletower. You fucking broke mine. Didn't break it. It fell in my presence. I wasn't even using it. OJ Simpson over there.

It fell in my presence. That's one of the subjects of Luke and Pete's show. Oh is it? Yeah, it was... No, where's the Luke and Pete show? No, sorry. Luke and Pete talking shit. They were asking whether he was guilty. Really current stuff. They're younger than us, aren't they? I know.

Have you heard Danny Kelly's story about the OJ Simpson chase? No. Have I also told you it? No. Apologies to listeners if you've heard this before. We are supposed to be doing batteries, but anyway, we'll get to it in a sec. Danny Kelly, one of the most legendary broadcasters and human beings I've ever met, says that in 1994, was it 1994?

The police chase with OJ Simpson in 1994? Anyway, he was over for a meeting in New York. And as he describes it, the people he was with, I mean, don't judge me for saying this, it was the 90s. The people he was with offered to take him for lunch and they ended up taking him to, um, a strip bar. Goodness for lunch. Have you seen the Sopranos Pete? Uh, to a certain extent.

Badda Bing, that kind of place. Right. Okay. Yeah. And he said, People do go weirdly socially to strip clubs to have food and stuff. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And there was, there was, and the strip bar had TVs. And it was just shown on music videos and stuff like that. It's kind of stuff you'd expect. I guess it was shortly after the launch of MTV or whatever. Can you tip a screen? There's strippers there as well. Well, it's in. But you distract them from the strippers. Add them to the ambiance. Okay. All right. Then one of the barmen just turned the telly over and

it was one of those ones where you turn all the tellies over at the same time. They turned it over just turned the telly over and it was one of those ones where you turn all the tellies over at the same time. They turned it over to the OJ Simpson police car chase. Right. Okay. It's quite exciting. Like imagine like, um, uh, I'm trying to think of an example, Kevin Keegan. Imagine Kevin Keegan being chased in a lorry after a murder. I mean, that's, that's anywhere in the world. That's fascinating. And in in America that's obsessed with, you know, like kind of sports, like sports stars are king, celebrity, all that stuff. There's an entire kind of, you know, financial need to keep that sort of those sort of stories going. I mean, manna from heaven. Anyone in the newsroom gone, fuck yes. He just said gradually, even though the music was still playing, people just started to

gravitate around these TVs, including the women working there. To the point where everyone was so gripped by it, he remembers looking to everyone sat around these TVs that are up on the corners of the ceiling. And he said that he was so gripped by it that at one point he looked to his right, saw a lady sitting next to him, topless obviously, and another man who he didn't know to the right of her. And as he looked over, he just, the guy without taking his eye to the screen, took his cardigan off, gave it to the woman, without her taking it off the screen, she just put it over her shoulders to her up a bit and they carried on watching it. And then as soon as it finished, everyone just thought, oh I should go home now. That's lovely, yeah. Because there's no point. There's no point, everyone's thinking about

being chased. I'm not thinking about my ball now, I'm thinking about a van being chased through a being chased. I'm not thinking about my borne. I'm thinking about a van being chased through a motorway. There's a Bronco wasn't it? A Ford Bronco. And the amount of police officers involved. See how many cars are involved? Would you not? If you were in the area, even if I was watching someone getting stabbed in the head, I'd be like, sorry lads, I'm off for a police chase. A good old fashioned police chase with one of the most famous men in the world. The film star, sports star,

he's got the lot. If I said to you, if I just Google OJ Simpson police chase, Google image, pick up the first image I find, guess how many police cars are chasing him? Seven. Hang on. Fourteen. At what point do you think as the Commissioner of the Police in that situation do you go that's enough? That's enough yeah. One car. Because if 14 haven't caught him. 14 police cars? I mean that could have gone incredibly badly couldn't it?

That could have gone like. Didn't go great did it? Well it didn't go great for anyone but like it could have like flipped down, crashed and fireball dead. Problem solved. Problem solved. All's well that ends well. He then released a book saying if I did it this is what I would have done but I didn't do it or whatever it

was called. Yeah, gotta keep those fires. I've got another true crime thing to talk about but there's no time. I'll do it another time. It's fascinating though. Okay, alright. Carry on. Let's do some batteries for crying out loud. Hello to David Willock. Hi gents, hopefully you knew about your brand below. DBLoNG. Third time lucky maybe. Great show. Listening a couple of times a week. What do you reckon to the photo? It's a lovely photo. Some lovely sort of like four leather, sort of four microtop. And yeah, great battery. Lovely photography.

I like it. Big fun. It's a new player. It's a new player. Come on. We knew this wasn't dying. We knew this had legs. Battery legs.

Mikey has gone Dutch. Hello, hello boys. I was recently on my honeymoon in French Polynesia and on the last day, remember to crack open the TV remote to find a couple of ruido batteries or yeah, ruido batteries. I'm hoping the location I found them in is obscure enough to make these new players, but fear they're massively produced a Chinese crap rather than Polynesian originals. Thanks a lot for all the laughs over the years.

And Mikey, I don't want to besmirch the good name of, you know, Polynesia's battery industry, but I think ruido probably been spotted before in the wild Luke. Yeah, there's absolutely zero chance whatsoever that French Polynesia's battery industry, but I think Ruedo probably been spotted before in the wild, Luke. Yeah, there's absolutely zero chance whatsoever that French Polynesia are producing their own batteries. No, no, just bring them in. It's the 14th time we've had Ruedos. I've actually been to French Polynesia, by the way, in case you're interested. Right, how'd you get there? I think Tahiti's part of French Polynesia, isn't it?

Yeah, yes, I think it is. So I've been there. How did I get there? I flew there from the Cook Islands and I flew out of there to LA. It's a long old hop. From memory, I think it was about 10 hours to LA from there. How? I mean, the Leeward Islands, French Polynesia, I mean, it's just in Bora Bora. Yeah, Bora Bora is the big tour. I mean, I suspect that photo is included this from Bora Bora. And the one thing about Bora Bora is that it's obviously essentially paradise on earth. And it's quite expensive to say the least, but it'd be an amazing holiday destination.

But you know what puts me off? Look at the route to get there. It is unbelievable. It's in the middle of nowhere, isn't it? I think it's something like 36 hours to get there. From from London. Yeah. I was going's something like 36 hours to get there. From Australia? From London yeah. Not from Australia. Well you never know because I look at like Japan and Australia and I think what's that three hours? Obviously not, obviously not because north and south just seems to last a lot longer but yeah I mean that's absolutely

wild. Where would you change? Colombia? Mexico? So you can fly there with KLM right? And I'll tell you what you end up doing. You do... They'll be doing something silly like changing Amsterdam or something, they won't they? Fucking listen to this, right? You do London Heathrow to Charles de Gaulle to San Francisco to Papit, which I think is on Tahiti. I think I'll fly there.

And then to Boroboro. Only 1500 quid though. Let's do it tomorrow. Let's have a little looking picture trip. So you leave at 10 past 5pm from Heathrow and you arrive 7.40am two days later. I think if British Airways or a British carrier would do it from London it would obviously be a lot shorter because I think that KLM to Charleygoix is obviously an unnecessary leg. An unnecessary little leg I think. I used to go

to Japan via Frankfurt quite a lot with KLM. They're very silly, silly boys. The average route from London to Bora Bora is 31 hours and three minutes. It's almost not worth doing it. If you're like someone who just has to take time off, that's eating into two weeks, isn't it? You need to be going three minimum, I reckon. Oh, massively, massively. Anyway, last one. Have you ever had a three,

I guess you went traveling, didn't you? Never, I'd like, I'm known for someone who likes a holiday, but I've never been for longer than like two weeks. I was away, when I went away traveling, I was away for, I think, 10 months. Oh, lovely. But I had no fucking money and no clue what I was doing You know, I know if I have ten months off to go wherever I want now, I probably just go to bed for a kid I'm asleep. Oh, I've been spending a lot of time in the back of my car

Not as soon as I want to hear I've just been like I thought there's another Luke and Pete talking shit I've just been like, I've got like, I need to do a bit of work. I see the piece of quite a do it in and I just took Sammy the dog and me and him, I put my foot through the little sort of the novel little hole in the passenger seat in my car. And I just sat as the rain came down, got the, you know, and got the, I just sat there and just did a bit of work and it was absolutely lovely. Quite depressing.

It is quite depressing, but not really. It's only if people see you doing it, which I hope they didn't. You've got a lot of stories about you and your car, like when you got caught masturbating but said it was your insulin. Right, well that sounds like a complete show talk sheet kind of episode. That's what happened. Wasn't masturbating, it was doing a wee. Is it illegal to masturbate in your car?

I think it's all about whether you want people to see you. I think it probably is. If no one can see you, Schrodinger's wank, like you're... That's the funny thing, isn't it? About the... I think it's all about whether you... intention and how visible you are and stuff. Yeah, because I think it's about, like there's a really weird nuance in the law, isn't it?

We talked about this before. It's about whether you think you could reasonably expect people to have seen it and been offended by seeing it. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you go and park in your car in a really dark corner of a car park in the middle of nowhere, presumably you could then say, well,

a one-man dog admission. I wasn't expecting anyone to. Yeah. Why are you here? I'm annoyed about why you've turned up officer. Yeah. I'm starting to think you might have a little too. Don't you pervert. If somebody accidentally exposes their genitals, this is not under law considered indecent exposure. Yes. If someone much like that little man I bought just sticking the back of my car that you press his bulb and his pants fall down. If I, if someone attaches a bulb to my trousers and allows my bomb to be shown. I was just wondering whether you thought that little man would get busted. Uh, he knows what's happening. He's winking. He's winking. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be, I think a lot of my posterior evidence would be in

in admissible for lack of existing conflict of interest because you wouldn't be able to find a juror in the land that wouldn't be happy to see it. Exactly. Exactly. Um, the bruises have sort of calmed down a little bit. I spoke to a wrestler I know, um, and a wrestler, you know, and I asked like, why do wrestlers not, why aren't they covered in bruises all the time and the response was we just do it properly. Dash Crapple has got in touch, no wait that's not his name obviously, it is, what do you have a name for this person? That's what he signed his email off as, don't read that word there either. Right yeah okay here you go you greedy bits and bobs. 100% satisfaction guarantee. Almost used my personal email.

Bye bye! And it's Maverick, spelt with a K. That is how you spell Maverick. Yes, it is. I forgot for a second there. I was thinking of the film with Mel Gibson in. Is that Maverick? It is. Where he plays like some kind of card shop? Card guy, yeah, card guy. In the old west or something. I should clear this up. So Maverick is CK, which is how you spell Maverick. I've now just noticed that you were right and I was wrong, I apologise. Right. The battery himself doesn't have a C in it.

But the annoying thing is that I will sort of, I'll just go along with it. Yeah. You know, you said that, he's confident. He said that Neo from the Matrix had a Nokia and I'm convinced it's Sony Ericsson. No, it's a Nokia. Right. It was definitely a Nokia. In fact, we'll clear that up right now.

No, don't worry about it. No, you're not trying to level this up because you got the Maverick bit wrong. Most of the flip phones around at that time were Sony Ericsson's, but this one was a Nokia. Okay, right, okay. Mobile phone, Neo, the Matrix, right? It was a Nokia 8110.

Fuck. Fucked it. There you go. See? Absolutely fucked it. So you should have kicked the powder dry. There's loads of legitimate stuff you could have got away with, but that wasn't one of them. Anyway, that battery Maverick with a K is a new player. Yes! Two out of three. Easy to find because it's got K in it.

So thanks to the good people of the Super Alkaline 100% Satisfactory Guarantee M4 Micro Maverick. Better not have any fucking mercury in it. Better not have any fucking mercury. 0% mercury please. Oh well if you have got any batteries do make sure you throw them on the nearest bonfire and we'll see you on Monday. Hello at LukePeteShow.com if you've got any batteries for us or anything really I suppose. Don't be rude in your emails. It could be a rude story but you need to tell it deftly. Do you know what I'm sometimes convinced we do a topic and we get loads of emails about it and we get none and then something will pass me by.

Everyone just wants to email about Patonk. We've got loads of emails about Patonk. Yeah it's the Luke and Patonk show. I'll have to do them next time. And loads of people backing you up about not being bothered about there being a poo in the swimming pool. Good. We'll come on to that as well. Correct. Sounds like I've, it sounds like I've kind of like fostered,

like this show has kind of basically ignited the Donaldson in everyone. You know what I mean? Everyone's sort of, like I think I could start a cult. That was a really immodest thing to say. Of dirty boys and girls. What I've done, I've channeled the fact that everyone's got a bit of that be in them go baby. Yeah The Luke and Pete show is a stack production and part of the a cast creator network