The Luke and Pete Show - Meet The Neighbours

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

Hello and a very warm welcome to your all-new episode, LAPS fans! This time around, Pete tells Luke about his established position in the social hierarchy of his new neighbourhood, Luke regales us about how he bumped into an old friend, and we learn all about house burglaries. Elsewhere, there's the incredibly exciting news that Pete went for a swim in the sea and actually survived to tell the tale!To get in touch with your tales of derring-do, or just to ask us a question, it's [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As the last gust leaves us, it's the Luke and Pete show. It's Monday. It's a stonkingly hot day. Luke Moore, I am in my shorts. You're in my shorts. Everyone's in my shorts. We wouldn't be as hot

if we weren't stuck in one pair of shorts. We've made a terrible four-par. Yeah. But I think lots of people do see us as the front and back of a kind of podcast pantomime horse anyway. Just stumbling about, bumping into things. Imagine being like a Florida resident who has to go to Disneyland every day just in like a chipmunk costume.

Chip and Dale. My sister was a character at Disneyland Paris. She was Buzz Lightyear. That's a heavy costume. Yeah, it was. That's heavy going, that is. Did it have an internal fan like a lot of them do?

I think it did. I think so, yeah. But I still don't think that's... That's really kind of... That's fighting off a tank with a toothpick, isn't it? You've got a weapon. But I mean, it gets really hot in Paris,

as I'm sure everyone knows. So I think it was pretty brutal in the summer. Yeah. And they're not known... The Parisian sewage system, I always think, is below power on a hot day.

Is it? It's a stinky town when it gets warm. Do you know what? I have been to Paris a few times, but I wouldn't have, I've not been there for any kind of length of time at any one go.

And I was supposed to go last summer, obviously that didn't happen. And in many ways, that makes me the real victim of this pandemic. But, so I don't, I wouldn't really be an expert in it. I couldn't really tell you too much about it um but i'll take your word for it i mean

you're from hartlepool so i mean imagine that's kind of part of it right well we're close to the um sea so we can just flush out all of our effluvia into into the uh into the sea but i think uh i stayed in a few airbnbs in central paris and not a single like every single time i've done it um i have flushed the toilet and human shit has come out of the shower.

I don't know what is going on there. Just all of the sewage is a bit broken. You're standing in some less than salubrious

places then. Yeah well I did sort of contact the I wasn't complaining but I just said look just to point out when you flush the

chain human shit comes out of the shower. And then we're like that that is not human shit. That is mud. It's cleaning mud. It's cleaning mud. It's health mud.

Doesn't smell like it, mate. Interestingly enough, where my parents live, there is a sewage kind of processing plant. Which I guess you've got to have, though, somewhere. Got to have them somewhere. There's one about, I would say, a mile and a half from where my parents live. Right. And I don't really know if,

I mean, this is dull, but hopefully people will stay with me on this. I don't really know if they changed the way they do it. Right. But it used to be the case that if the wind blew a certain way, you could kind of smell it. Yes.

But I haven't smelled it for almost years now. Right. Maybe they've just changed it, how they do it. Stronger Jeff. But it used to be a very stinky business. could kind of smell it. Yes. But I haven't smelled it for almost years now. Right. Maybe they've just changed it, how they do it. Stronger Jeff. But it used to be a very stinky business. Well, yeah, maybe.

Maybe someone goes out with a Febreze now. But it used to be pretty full on. So, you know, it does happen. So you're saying that Paris stinks

is what you're saying. Yeah. Just Paris. Rest of France, lovely. I also don't like the word effluvia. Effluvia. It's not a great word, is it?

I like it, it's nice. I think effluvia sounds quite floral. It does until you know what it is. It sounds absolutely disgusting. Anyway, what did you get up to at the weekend? Oh, swam in the sea, Luke. Oh, very nice. Perks of the new gaff.

Perks of the new gaff, yeah. Just strolled down to the sea. I mean, it's estuary, isn't it? It's very muddy. It's very muddy sand, let's say. It's mud. It is mud. And it's very muddy it's very muddy sand let's say it's a mud it is mud and it's very kind of

like quick sandy you get your feet in there and you just sort of your feet goes completely into the soil it's not pebbles it's not pebbles it's like sandy mud

it's nice I enjoyed it dark sand yeah I enjoyed it immensely but I did I was scared that I was going to

put my hand on a crab or a cockle that can happen and was it busy down there? It wasn't busy. We went there about 8 o'clock in the morning because the tides really fuck you over. The tide goes out by 1 o'clock

and it's literally, you've got to walk for a mile to get to water. There's places near where I grew up like that where it's like, you used to go into West Wittering and if the tide was out, it would be, you couldn't see the sea. It's absolutely insane and so did you have a good old swim

or did you just have a little paddle I had a good old swim met the neighbours as well over the weekend did you that was good you've been terrified

about that terrified I don't not like because I'll let them down I will become the pariah how do you normally let them down I just say the wrong thing I'd say the wrong let them down? I'd just say the wrong thing.

I'd say the wrong thing. And to be honest, I did say the wrong thing. Oh, good. What did you say? This is great news for me. My partner introduced me as someone who loves Japan. Yeah. And I said, I'm not a sex tourist.

That was the first thing. They weren't thinking that. So they now think you are one. Yeah, they now think I'm a sex tourist. If that's the first thing you're going to say, it's automatically protesting too much. Yeah. So what was their initial reaction to that?

They kept on repeating that I was a sex terrorist because it was a funny joke. It's not what you wanted. It's not. It went badly. My partner very helpfully kind of knocked a glass over that they got for their wedding and smashed it. So got away with it it to be quite frank

so you basically the part that you have access to she took off with the team did the dead cat dead cat strategy to try and deflect the part that she's got access to

yeah that's in their house he's a pervert and what else did you have any dinner were you down running for a dinner party just got

just got just got drunk in the garden really it was very pleasant and other people got drunk in the garden, really. It was very pleasant. And other people got drunker than I. The dogs seemed to get along. So yeah, you know what? It was fine.

Block over the road with the chickens. You know the guy who gave us the eggs? The rum. The rum as well. Yes, the rum man. I like him because he's a bit of me. He's a bit of Donaldson. Right.

Little projects on the go. Little projects? Like go. Little projects? Like what? Little projects. Like what? Just... Chickens for one. That's a project.

Little coffee van. Now he's doing rum. Now he's... He got a load of... You know like the rolls they used to put in buses in London? Yeah.

Where it would have all the place names on? Yeah. And he bought a load of these rolls from the 80s and he's cut them up and made little kind of frames for them and stuff and chucked them on eBay. That's quite a nice idea.

It's a nice idea because if you live there... It's like a fabric that they rotate around to change the bus's route. Yeah. If you live there, you're like, oh, my God. He did say that Becton Tesco, probably not that popular. Right, yeah. I have great memories of Becton Tesco. But it's still quite an artistic piece

because it's an iconic part of an iconic part of London so the red buses are obviously a big deal I imagine you get quite a good international audience if you market them properly so would it be fair to say and I don't want to be too unfair to you too early in the week

I'm always very fair to you he's me but good he's me good but making money out of his ideas I was going to soften it I was going to say does he follow through on your ideas yes exactly

whereas you follow through in an entirely different way occasionally at people's houses so he's got a coffee van that he sells coffee at he had a coffee van he said that that only lasted for a little while

so yeah I'm going to get on with him I think do you need a licence for that I don't know I guess presume so he's on the council I presume he so. He's on the council. I presume he's probably...

He's on the council as well. Imagine you on the council. Sleeper agent. It'd be brilliant. Ah! Well, everyone seems to be very obsessed with Southend Airport. Right.

Because obviously... Is there an expansion planned or something? Not really. I just think... I mean, if anything, it's a regression because I think Stobarts gave up on it and sold it to, I want to say, Ryan or maybe someone else. Either way, they're very limited.

I think there's one fight that goes to... Stobarts don't do planes, do they? Stobarts do planes, yeah. What, for haulage to different countries? They do. People associate them with the lorries. They do passenger air as well, yeah, yeah. Okay.

He licenses a couple of planes. They do passenger air? It's very dull livery. Very dull. What, you can buy a ticket on a Stobart plane to where yeah

only going to like Scotland or Wales and places like that I never knew that amazing I mean before the lockdown I mean I presume you can't go anywhere now

but it's nice I like seeing the the main thing is you've got the big planes that are like ear splitting loud but there's only two a day

of those and they're close to you are they? The Amazon plane that comes in every morning at about five or six and there's a lot of people.

I'm like, I can't get annoyed about that. Just jump out the window. I cannot get annoyed about that. PUBG. Yeah, exactly. Care package to Donaldson.

Yeah, I can't get annoyed about that because obviously I sort of order a lot of stuff from Amazon. So how close are you to the flight path then? Not that close but you can hear them

was that reflected in the house price you paid not really did you have a kick off about that but the ones that come in every hour

are like the little baba planes that come in like the little kind of the enthusiast planes it's all very exciting for me

I love planes so I'm totally on board again to reference my parents where they live, they live opposite a place called, it used to be called HMS Daedalus.

It was like a Navy, some kind of armed services runway. It wasn't served to the public, but now it's turned into Solent Airport and I think they're trying to turn it into a little bit of a hub. Nice. But it does pleasure flights.

And what it means for my parents' place is they've got quite a nice aspect to their back garden. It's not quite near the sea. It's south-facing, so you get a lot of the sun. And then, mate, honestly, no word of a lie,

what happened, you can imagine how much my old man loves this. Basically, I think, in the summer months, when there's no COVID, twice a day, Spitfires.

Nice. Continually flying over. Three grand a pop Spitfire pleasure flights. He gets to watch them all the time he loves it he's probably sent me nine months worth

of Spitfire videos now it's like dad I'm not being rude but that is exactly the same plane every time yes so I don't need to see it again necessarily

you could kind of but you could kind of get him one of those like snap on lenses for his iPhone that zooms in a little bit that'd be brilliant speaking of my old man so I went to his iPhone that zooms in a little bit. That'd be brilliant. Speaking of my old man,

so I went to see my mum and dad at a barbecue this weekend and I went to go and see my, and it was down near my parents' house, so I went to go see my parents. And on a Saturday, we drove down in the morning and my mum was like, oh yeah, good to see you and stuff. I said, look, we're only stopping for an hour because we've got to go to this party.

It's just down the road, so we're coming in to say hello. And my mum said, but your dad's not in. I was like, where's he gone? She was like, he's gone to K kempton park um automobile jumble sale right right she was fuming because he's going to come back with stuff he's going to come out with the car he came back with a massive circular saw get rid of gate right the garden gate started to open yeah right and the first thing i saw was one of my dad's, what are they called, like safety trainers? Yes.

So if he's going to be carrying something around. He pops a safety trainer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sensible. And he couldn't get through the gate. Right. So I had to go down and help him. And he got this massive circular saw. And my mum obviously didn't know what it was.

She's like, what's that for? He's like, it's for cutting wood. It's going to be great. Bench is banged through wood. Yeah. Because I've been sawing a bit of timber recently. And that's a bollock. So he makes benches.

Remember I told you. So there's a lot of sawing. And he's obviously a bit older. So he didn't want to be doing all his've been sawing a bit of timber recently and that's a bollock so he makes benches remember I told you so there's a lot of sawing he's obviously a bit older so he didn't want to be doing all his time manually sawing so he's got this big circus saw

it's a great purchase it'll go in the garage it'll do the proper thing where he'll fit it to the bench and it'll be great at some point he'll lose the end

of one of his fingers but that's the collateral damage that comes along with it right who needs them but I said to him how do you go to an automobile jumble sale

which is basically dedicated to mostly motorcycles and come out of a circular saw and he's like oh well people were just saying

all sorts in there so it's a great weekend for him oh it's great and when I went to the barbecue I saw someone that I literally

hadn't seen he was a friend of mine but I hadn't a good friend I hadn't seen him since the last day of senior school in 1997. That's huge. That's kind of like...

That's exactly 24 years ago. What did he talk about? He's done stuff. He's done stuff. That's the thing. He's done stuff. He's a very, very nice man now, obviously so much as me. He has, he's a carpenter, a proper honest profession.

He's got two kids. One of them's just left school, 16, or going to do A-levels or whatever. And he was like, what do you do? I was like, ah, not much.

Compared to that, not really much. So it was fine. It was good to talk to him. And I did think of you at the time because I thought that, and I mean this in a respectful way, and perhaps you proved me wrong

because of what's happened with your neighbours over the weekend, which I think our listeners will agree is a massive step forward. You would have been awkward.

I think you would have been like I'm not really sure what to say and I was a bit awkward. You know me I'm never really awkward because I never stop talking.

Even for me it was hard because he was this quiet guy and you haven't seen him for so long and it's almost like if you haven't seen someone that you know well

for two months it's kind of wicked because you can chat about loads of stuff. If you haven't seen him for you know well for two months, it's kind of wicked because you can chat about loads of stuff. If you haven't seen him for like 10 years, there's too much. You don't know the start,

do you? September 11th? I could have said to him legitimately, Phil, he's not going to be listening. He didn't really know what a podcast was.

Fair enough. Good on him. I could have said to him, Phil, what did you make of September 11th? Legitimately, and he could have given me

a fresh take because I never would have heard it from him before. It was a bit of a weird situation. So I think at exactly the same time at the weekends we'd just gone, we were both in new social environments. Slightly uncomfortable, slightly interesting, slightly exciting.

Yeah. The weather was good at least. The guy who lives in Achtotomy, he is a guy who basically picks up very expensive cars from celebrities and rich people the Earl of Snowdon

Earl of Snowdon Lord Snowdon yeah sounds right I don't know who that is but it sounds right yeah and he just drives them onto his truck

and then takes the truck elsewhere just moves posh cars around he's got money has he no he just moves them around

for people because if you don't want to how do you get into that line of work well you don't want to drive like an F1 car halfway across the country on the road you put it on a truck

no I do want to do that which I don't want to do that so that's his job ferrying posh cars around yeah he's ferrying posh cars around but he doesn't actually get to drive the car itself he drives them onto the truck

and then he drives the truck but the truck is like completely like takes a three mile run up does it he said he was trying I would eventually be driving this up

onto the truck he said he was trying to get a Ferrari onto a he stopped off at some bloke's house in the evening he

the guy only had champagne in his fridge and went let's have some drinks and it was just champagne he was just banging champagne back and then the next day

he was just really hungover and he's like, I've got to get this Ferrari onto a ferry. And so he tried to drive it onto a ferry and the ferry, the boat was like wobbling around

and he was just like, oh God. Did you ask him what the ramifications are if he messes something up? I presume he's insured. You'd have to be, wouldn't you?

You'd have to be insured. You'd have to have indemnity up the wazoo because it would be one of those situations where if you just get in your normal car you don't think about it

you just do it and drive but if you get into someone else's car and you knew it was really expensive and the whole point of it was because

it was a big job and it was sensitive and you didn't want to hurt that damage to the car don't hurt it stop hurting me Michael stop pulling on my gear stick it would make it harder wouldn't it was kit an automatic don't hurt it you know what I mean don't hurt stop hurting me Michael yeah

it would make it stop pulling on my gear stick it would make it harder wouldn't it was kit an automatic could I have driven kit yeah probably would have been

American you can't you know because you haven't passed your test you sat the automatic test but you didn't pass it I'm not taking any pleasure

from it I'm just saying you've got to be accurate take a little bit of pleasure I drove to Wicks over the weekend I bought a big rug from my little studio I've made how did you take it did Sarah go with you've got to be accurate it's taken a little bit of pleasure I drove to Wicks over the weekend I bought a big rug from my little studio

I've made how did you take it did Sarah go with you yeah but Sarah couldn't I couldn't have Sarah in the front seat because this big rug

was this half price rug from whatever shop it was Dunelm's or whatever and I was like driving and it was like sticking out the window it was so dangerous I couldn't see

Del Boy that's Del Boy I couldn't see the left underside wing mirror you can't be doing that but she was there as your essentially as your quote unquote driving instructor exactly dangerous. I couldn't see the left underside wing mirror. You can't be doing that. But she was there as

your quote unquote driving instructor. Exactly. In the back. Fuming. Fuming on one of

the hottest days of the year. With a rug on her. And someone pulls you over and they're going to say

this isn't a traditional lesson. Where's the rug come from? That's high risk. I was going to say to you you mentioned a couple things now

that's made me think of it I'm not sure if we talked about this the first time around but if we did it it would be so long ago that it won't matter have you seen the show Succession

yes so there's a new series coming and so we've started re-watching it and there's a really funny scene where they're obviously really moneyed American and for those

who haven't seen it it's based on the Trump family the Murdoch family it's kind of got some aspect of kind of old you know

Roman families and stuff as well half of the guys who wrote Peep Shorts you shouldn't like it but it's got a dark comedy element to it because of that

you know oh it's great it's fantastic anyway it's about an old patriarch of a media multinational fuck off

yeah he says that a lot played by Brian Cox and all his kids are just awful human beings but they're all jostling for position because they think

he's going to retire anyway that's the run up there's a one of the daughters getting married in Scotland because that's historically where

the old fellow's from and it's have you seen that episode with the daughters getting married in Scotland because that's historically where the old fellow's from and it's have you seen that episode with the massive beautiful wedding in the castle and everything it's amazing TV is it around the same time

that they buy he buys the wrong football team the kid buys the wrong football team that's in the second that's in the second series yeah yeah in the first series they do this massive wedding

at this amazing Scottish castle and I guess it's kind of what you'd imagine it'd be like at the Beckham's wedding or whatever hugely done across these two episodes and all this'd imagine it'd be like at the Beckhams wedding or whatever. Hugely done across these two episodes and all this scandal and intrigue going on at the same time.

Anyway, there's a brilliant bit where the main guy, the son, and his mate, who's that awful guy, who's basically like a competent Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec. Yes. The bearded guy, Stewie. And they go into this little pub

and they don't know what to order because they've never been in a normal pub before. So he's going, have you got any champagne? And this woman's like, I don't know what to order because they've never been in a normal pub before so he's going, have you got any champagne? And this woman's like, I don't know, I'll just go and check. And he cannot believe what's happening. And someone says the line, something along the lines of we're about to do a big multi-billion dollar deal.

I think we can get through an afternoon of drinking non-vintage champagne in Scotland. But they can't because it's just such fish out of water. And that kind of reminded me of maybe, in a different way, what you perhaps would have been like with your neighbour. Right. But you've come through to Flying Colours.

Well, my partner told the, the neighbour inquired as to what kind of, the neighbour inquired what kind of drinks I like, because he had loads of nice booze. Yeah. And Sarah told him that I like Tisky, so he bought four cans of Polish lager

from me you could have brought them yourself I know I know did they give them still within the plastic the plastic holder

they just spent the whole day just taking the piss off my cooking lager so when good luck good luck good luck

let's have a break but I've got a question to ask you after the break so stick around. We'll do that. We'll do that. And then we'll do some emails, right?

Adverts have been dispatched. Questions can begin. Yes. So I wanted to ask you. The Donaldson Inquisition. What a cliffhanger. It was like succession. It was.

We do emails in this part of the show normally, and we will come on to those. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com if you want to get in touch. Thank you to those who have emailed in already. You are welcome to do so again. Peter, I was going to say to you now you're a bit more of a not a pillar of the community but like a pillock yeah that's that's harsh you're more of you're a member of a local community now and of course you've now moved for the first time since you're a kid probably

yeah to an area where there's going to be some aspect of community so you're already getting to know your neighbors they're talking about christmas lights exactly it doesn't happen on old compton street it probably didn't happen up in highgate so you're already getting to know your neighbours they're talking about Christmas lights exactly it doesn't happen on Old Compton Street it probably didn't happen up in Highgate so you're going to have a role to play what kind of role

do you think you will play in the community are you going to be the guy that people go to to help fix things are you going to be the willing guy who goes around

helping out are you going to be the joker of the guy the joker of the community you can't be the scheme guy because he's already across the road and that's going to be a faux pas can't be the scheme guy because he's already across the road. And that's going to be a faux pas.

I could be his helper. The kid next door wants to build a gaming rig. Hello. How old is he? 13, 14, something like that. Okay, have you been CRB checked? Well, they only think I'm a wrong-uns,

so don't worry about it. You can't go into his bedroom with four cans of whiskey saying you're going to help with his computer. Let's get this water cooled. I'd be like this. Listen, in my day, it was all Mario Kart.

So get Mario Kart set up. Are you going to help him with this computer? That'd be a lovely thing to do. I don't know. And the other kid, a couple of hours down, he's banging a wrestling.

So I've got all the wrestling figures to give him. Why do you know all the kids? Again, look like a wrong one. Why do you know all the kids? I don't know. So basically, you turn up to your next door neighbours

saying you're not a sex tourist. With a carrier bag full of wrestling figures. And you're going to take wrestling figures to the kid next door while drinking Polish lager. That's the role you're going to play. Yeah. That answers my question.

My house will be on fire. Pretty soon. Yeah. If it was in Portsmouth, it would be. Hello at LukeandPete.com is the email address. This is the part of the show where we do your emails Peter

do you want to do one first or do you want me to do one first let's do a couple of kind of poison garden updates oh yes

you know in Annick there's that garden that just contains poison flowers yeah we covered it last week Adam

I've got a mate called Adem and it's some kind of weird alternative to Adam and so I really approach the word Adam strangely these days. Adam.

I love the show, but the story about people passing out in the poison garden is utter bollocks. I lived in Anik for 31 years, worked at the gardens. It's not that bad. It's probably, possibly fatal if you swallow the plants, but unless you're putting them in your milkshakes, you'll be fine. Don't drink milkshakes in the poison garden. I'm sure Adam would even, even though he thinks that the garden is for pussies, I think it's a great idea to be consuming any food in there.

Most people say, don't use my name. Adam, I had to delete his surname. Right, okay. Because presumably he wants to maintain some kind of reputation in what I imagine is a fairly small community. Right. And he's basically slagging off one of their only touristy. And I find it an interesting situation

because the poisonous garden, Anik, their USP appears to be, this is really dangerous, so come. And that's a high-risk manoeuvre for my money. Their USP is unbelievably strong poison. Yeah. Come here, you might die just by walking around. Don't eat anything, but you're thinking about it, aren't you?

Yeah. Munch, munch, munch. You would be thinking about it. I would be thinking about it, yeah. Up to the age of about 14, anything you saw, you put in your mouth. Is that fair? I must continue to this very day. Yeah.

As we learnt last week, you tried all the dog's food and everything. Did you tell your neighbours about that? No, I didn't tell the neighbours about day. Yeah, well, as we learned last week, you tried all the dog's food and everything. Did you tell your neighbours about that? No, I didn't tell the neighbours about that. Crying out loud. Jake has got into it. Just recently sent the pod from Thursday. I've got an email regarding the poisonous garden.

As a horticulturalist, I see a lot of poisonous plants in people's gardens and they'll be a lot more than you think are common to find. The most common probably being the laurel. The almond smell that comes when you cut into it is due to cyanide within the plant there are many more but it was a shock

when I first started learning about these and see how common they are to see in gardens have you ever sort of like with a nectarine stone

or a peach stone like kind of like I try because again I just like chewing on stuff open it up you've got to eat loads before you die

but I'm like the actual seeds are delicious but it's the almondy cyanide cyanidey there's the seed inside the protective

kind of shell that presumably rots away after a while. But yeah, it's just so nice. It tastes good, does it? It tastes nice, yeah. It's got a really interesting almond taste,

but it is technically poison so don't eat it. No, I remember... You know Roald Dahl? He used to write... Interesting fella. Oh, that's the van outside. We've had to keep the window open

because it's so hot. It's fine. You might not be able to hear we can hear it on our hey Parcel Force fuck off stop it yeah they probably can't hear it

anyway can they Roald Dahl he obviously had a really interesting life I think he served I think he got the old shoulder tap at his graduation for some kind of

secret service work he obviously wrote those amazing tunes books has he been cancelled has he been cancelled he Has he been cancelled? He got cancelled very early. Did he?

Okay, so he has been cancelled. In the 80s people were saying he was very anti-Semitic. Right, okay, fine. So he's been cancelled but we all know who he is. But he also wrote adult horror fiction.

Right. And I remember being in my English class at school and the teacher said we're going to read The Royal Dial next week or whatever. And I was like,

alright, that'd be quite good. But it was an adult horror fiction. I can't remember the name of the book but it essentially ended up with people being poisoned with cyanide and the big running theme

was the taste of the almonds so is that basically what you're saying? yeah how many have you got to eat to get sick? I think you've got to eat quite a few

find out next week Jack Hacksaw Jim Duggan the wrestler has a degree in plant biology does he really? that's a bit of that's a bit of trivia. You can enjoy both on Stack's excellent podcast, Wrestler Me, and also Luke and Pete's show. Is he dead?

No, he's still alive, yeah. He still looks quite similar. Was there a storyline that he had a brain tumor and it turned him really anti-patriotic? Ask Mark Hanks about that, because I'm pretty sure that was a thing. It turned him really anti-patriotic I think I think

I think there was some kind of shit there was some kind of because he was always really patriotic that was his thing USA

yeah that big 2x4 bit of wood I think he was like I guess his gimmick was I am a very I'm a I'm a US

carpenter I'm like a kind of I'm very pro-America. I nail stuff down. That's what I do. That's why I've got a 2x4. Quite weird. It is quite weird. Because I imagine there are a lot of really good ideas for works and for characters that get rejected.

And then that one wins. That's one of the greatest scenes ever in any kind of documentary when he makes him, Peter McMahon makes that guy puke on his arm in the boardroom and he can't do it it's like what are you doing anyway what was I going to

say I think there was I think there was a story on ask Mark seriously ask Mark because I might have mistaken what is a story Lance was careful

it was a story in the thing that he had got a brain tumor and he became anti-american yeah I think so Mark Henry had a kid and it came out

of a woman and it was a hand so like knowing what you know about wrestling in America that wouldn't be beyond the pale would it no it wouldn't be not in the slightest

anyway I've got an update on your number plate Pete or at least the circumstances surrounding it from Jack so for those that don't remember last week Pete reported that the number plate of his moped

was stolen have you got it back nope no he hasn't got it back so still keep an eye out for it do you want to give the number out keep an eye out for it you got it back? Nope. No, he hasn't got it back. Got another one. Keep an eye out for it. Do you want to give the number out?

Keep an eye out for it. You got another one, did you? Yeah. With the same registration and everything? Yeah. Yeah. So Jack says, hello lads, I'm a police officer in Hertfordshire. On the latest episode, Pete mentioned his number plate was stolen from his moped but

didn't really understand why and said maybe it was to steal some petrol. In my experience, Peaks number plate will most definitely be used for criminal purposes. Having said that though, Jack, you are a policeman so you probably

imagine everything. What is it, Alan Partridge says? You hang around with criminals, you're going to get lied to. The likelihood,

says Jack, is that whoever stole it will have put it on a similar vehicle, such as a different moped, so if a police officer

runs it through the police national computer, at first sight it will look legit as it will come back to a moped insured and owned by a mr peter donaldson oh no mopeds also make great vehicles for criminals as we are nearly um as we are we are rarely allowed to pursue them or use stingers on them as it is dangerous for the driver so we have to just let them go pete's number plate will likely be used for such activities as drug dealing theft burglary

etc so i do hope he has reported it to the police well jack in a way he talks about on the show and go. Pete's number plate will likely be used for such activities as drug dealing, theft, burglary, etc. So I do hope he has reported it to the police. Well, Jack, in a way, he talked about it on the show and you heard it, so he's reported it to you. Can I have my crime number, please? That's on you, big boy. That's on you, buddy Bo. I did report it. Reporting crimes online

is very easy. Yeah. And they ask you questions like, is this still happening like is the crime still happening are you are you in danger so I wouldn't be on the website

if I was in danger except cookies autofill yeah someone was standing over me with a gun but it was yeah I reported it

but I I kind of want to know I want to get asked if I've been stealing petrol what an exciting time my licence plate is going to be

my registration plate is going to be really having a lovely time I remember I got my flat got burgled while I was in it right asleep

that's upsetting yeah it was weird and they assigned a detective to my case and then what turned out had happened was that the initial investigating police officers when I reported it for the first time came and and then what turned out had happened was that the initial investigating

police officers when I reported it for the first time came and rubbed their fingerprints and handprints all over the open window where the guy came in

so there was no fingerprints which basically I generally found on the entry point and exit point of a burglary and they completely fucked it up

and then the detective told me that so as a result they almost certainly wouldn't be able to solve the crime system works mate cheers

I actually did a lot more to come to a better like outcome than the police did because I had no job at the time so I just ended up

walking around the area trying to see if I could get any of my stuff back because they stole about 60 CDs mostly mine didn't sell any of

my girlfriends at the time. So make of that what you will. And I got quite a lot of them back. How did you get a lot of them back? Charity shops? No, no. What happened was we startled him, this geezer. And he must have been,

I think he was probably some kind of drug addict who was kind of desperate and he saw a window open. But the window was barred. There's no way. I mean, I don't think you'd have been able to fit through it. It'd be a really skinny guy to fit through it. Yeah, maybe,

because you've got a small frame. Yes. So, basically, what he had done, the reason I think it was opportunistic is because he came in to the flat,

it was on the first floor as well, so he climbed up on the extension, came in, broad daylight, by the way. It was in the summer, about 6am, it was broad daylight

and he didn't have anything to carry stuff in. So he emptied a sleeping bag out of a sleeping bag holder clever and put all this

don't pick him up put all the CDs and DVDs into this bag and legged it right which is a desperate crime I mean if you

yeah if you leave I felt sorry for the geek if you're leaving with just CDs and DVDs I mean I sort of like anyway he dropped a load of them

right so I was walking around the corner and I just saw a load of CDs. Right. I was picking them all up and people were seeing me thinking I was just scavenging stuff.

But so I got about 20 of them back. Best CD that you picked back up? I can't remember, but what I do remember is of all the DVDs, the only one he took

was he picked out from the collection Little Miss Sunshine. He loves... Do you know what he probably thought? I'm going to sell these CDs, I'm going to hoover up a load of drugs, and I'm going to nod off to Little Miss Sunshine.

Oh, well. Well, look, it's one of those things. It's just one of those things. Yeah, what can you do? On that depressing note, shall we end the show? Were you going to ask me a question? Can you remember what it is?

No, God, no. Did you expect... What did you expect out of that did you not hear how I asked the question I had absolutely no expectation whatsoever there was a guy who actually got who

in New Jersey there was a guy who a couple who came back to their house and they found out their home had been broken into nothing was taken though

but the person who broke in the house had just cleaned it cleaned the entire house and this wasn't like a kind of person what a dig it really is

it's a guy called Luis Angelino III which is a wonderful name who cleans friends houses away to make extra money he thought he was cleaning for his buddy Mark when he arrived at the condo

he looked under the mat for a key like Mark had told him to do and there was a key he then let himself in and went to work making the place spotless once he finished he even played with the cats a key like Mark had told him to do and there was a key he then let himself in and went to work making the place spotless once he finished

he even played with the cats while waiting for Mark to arrive back and then Mark called he goes did you even come to the house did you even clean and he said yeah

I'm waiting for you in your living room I'm playing with your cat don't do that I think it's weird what do you mean it's creepy to do that no but he'd paid

his friend to clean his house yeah but he'd gone in the wrong house and cleaned the house right okay and this guy was like I don't have a cat

and this guy cleaned someone else's yeah were they happy or not they were yeah Tom and I laughed forever about it he fixed it all up

I mean details he cleaned it after the cats played with the cats fed the cats and he wiped everything spotless he really is a cleaning fairy that's incredible

nice making the world. That's a nice thing to do. Did you pay him? Yeah. Would you have paid him?

I would have paid him. I would have. You and I probably would have both made the exchange really awkward without

me. I'll tell you something quite funny. So I was working on a project here with some people. I'm not going to

name them because I don't want to embarrass them. One of them is quite well known and during the time it happened I had my phone stolen from Hyde Park

remember I told you it wasn't James's Park I think it was St James's Park and that's just reminding me because I had to get a crime number for that kind of stuff

anyway so it messed up my plans for a bit so I had to readjust my plans and I thought what I'll do is I'll call everyone

so I called one of the co-producers I called the on-air plans and I thought what I'll do is I'll call everyone so I called one of the co-producers I called the on-air talent and I called someone else and I went and explained the situation to all of them

and one of them their response to me being like have my shit stolen was like so you just referred to it

as a robbery it's actually just a theft it's only a robbery if there's some kind of physical threat or kind of physical threat or kind of...

Oh, is that right? Yeah. Which was, to be fair, very informative and in retrospect, it's a great fact. I didn't need it at the time, though.

I had just had my shit stolen and it completely fucked my life up. So, anyway, if you want to know the difference between a robbery and a theft, if it's a robbery,

as Jack, our emailer, I'm sure, will tell you, it's aggravating. But hang on, your phone was stolen because a lady came over, didn If it's a robbery, as Jack, our emailer, I'm sure will tell you, it's aggravating. But hang on, your phone was stolen because a lady came over, didn't it? And did the old

sneaky sneaky. So that is a robbery. There was a physical altercation. Apparently it's not. It doesn't count as a robbery unless there's some kind of... But it wasn't really a physical altercation.

She came physically towards you and nicked off with your phone. Okay. Essentially, by the laws of the universe, every crime is technically physical. But it was right up

in your grill. It was a physical, they took it off your person or in front of you at the very least. It was the most horrendously stupid thing Get him on the phone.

To be, get on the show now. I mean, she basically would look over there and I'd be in and she'd take my phone. And then she was gone, mate.

Gone. Gone. Poof. I'm not as fast as I used to be. That was the end of that. Anyway, on that bombshell, let's get out of here. We're back on Thursday with some more of this. We'll do some of your battery rounds. We'll do some more of your emails as well. We'll find out how Pete's getting on with his neighbours as this burgeoning

and blossoming friendship really starts to get his claws into Pete's life. And we will look forward to talking to you soon. Say goodbye Peter. Goodbye. I almost called you Frank then. Frank. Did you hear forward to talking to you soon say goodbye Peter goodbye I almost called you Frank then Frank

did you hear that I was going to say goodbye Frank I wasn't even thinking about Frank my mum calls me Frank why she doesn't

oh ok right and it's goodbye from me Dave see you later see you later bye The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.