The Luke and Pete Show - Metallica nativity

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

Why is everyone in Essex good at football? That was the difficult lesson Pete learned when trying to save penalties while dressed as the Queen…Elsewhere, Luke finally shares the story of the baby born at a Metallica concert and we hear more tales about pathological small-town liars in the email section.Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It is Monday the 13th of June. I am Monday the 13th of June's version of Pete Donaldson and I'm joined by yesterday's man, Sunday the 12th of June's Luke Mewa. You alright mate? How you doing? What timeline are we on where you are today's man and I'm yesterday's man? You're right, actually, yeah. I very much represent... You're the future.

...human history. No, you're not today. You're the future. I'm the future, yeah. I'm wearing, like, self-tightening shoes. Yeah. I've got a hoverboard. A self-tightening chastity belt.

Like the man who complained about one of our shows and then you did some investigation on him and worked out he liked to post pictures of himself posing in a chastity cage he'd made himself. Correct. I mean, I do not generally kink shame. No, I've not got

no problem with it. It's just interesting though, isn't it? If you are being rude about me, I will kink shame you. If you are being rude about me, I will kick him. If you are being rude about me. My kink is being rude about your kink. Just, I want you to know everyone, I've got some very,

very strongly held personal principles and beliefs. But if you step one toe across that line, they go out the fucking window and you are dead to me. I'll kill your kids.

You're like Kaiser Soze. I'll kill my own family just to show I mean business. Oi, oi, oi. Anyway. What's been going on, Lukey, man, in your life? I mean, you're currently in hell, building hell. You can't really speak about the building work that's happening in your house

because the big boy builders are still in your house. Yeah, so you can't slate them. Well, one thing, I've negotiated a ceasefire of an hour to record some of Luke and Pete's show. Yeah, have a little kick around. I went into the world's most pathetic adult man, just went in there and went, excuse me,

could you do some quiet work for an hour? Some quiet work? And he's like... You don't have story time. He's like, what do you mean? I was like, I've got to do a meeting and it'd be too noisy. And he was like oh i'll go i'll go do a meeting and it'd be too noisy and he just went i'll go for lunch go for lunch then yeah so he's went for

lunch but he's a great guy um so for those who basically which is everyone listening who doesn't know that i'm having my uh bathroom readout at the moment um that is the it's like the definition i know it's a first world problem but it's a definition of short term pain for long term gain it is a lot of short term pain how many bathrooms do you have in your house I've got one and it's currently a bomb site

that is troubling so how are you, are you going to the gym for a wash are you having a little can you see this in camera that's a bottle of piss, mate. It's not really. Pissing in bottles, throwing them out the window.

They leave the toilet in, apart from for, I think, one day where they change it out. But you've got to ask them to access your own toilet. That would be... And you're not an awkward man. Imagine if I had that situation.

I'd be fucking... I'd go move house i just walked in there just doing a willy copter the universal language of the willy copter no because that because um so so i think one of the problems will come if you decide that you want to have so the the absolute apotheosis of terrible situation would be if you've got one bathroom and within that bathroom you wanted to move the toilet to a different location in said bathroom. Then you'd be fucked.

Because they've got to just move the sewage pipe. Everything. And so that takes days. So with this, we're having the toilet put in the same place so actually they can just leave it into the last minute and then flip it over. So that's okay. The problem is obviously you've got no running water in the bathroom.

So you've got no shower, no bath, no sink or anything. So we're obviously having to do all the ablutions possible in the kitchen up to, but stopping before it becomes unhygienic. And then let's just say I've started going to the gym again. Oh, look, you're back. You're going to get into shape. No, just going to use the shower. That's okay. Get in there for a shower. Oh, look, you're back. You're going to get into shape. No, just going to use the shower. That's okay.

Get in there for a shower. Yeah, 90 quid a month just to use that shower. Yeah. So it's not ideal, but I mean, the guys doing that are great. A couple of Bulgarian fellas. Very, very pleasingly, they're called Angel and Gabriel. Fantastic. How good is that?

And they do the lodge work of cleaning out your sump tank clean up your your your effluvia they're doing there's something and we talked about this before i think we talked about it when i had the roof down in the house there's something very i think almost magical in witnessing two two people coming in and basically smashing the absolute shit out of your room but being so confident in themselves that what they're going to replace it with is much better, because they don't care. Do you know what I mean? Because the first bit,

anyone could do that. You and I could do that in half an hour, right, to take a sledgehammer to the bathroom. Great. Probably be a lot of fun. But what's coming after? Probably something terrible. Just a lot of wallpaper. Let's just cover the whole room in wallpaper. I can imagine me coming in and going, let me finish the bathroom, and it's like,

that's not a sink, that's just a hole. But the water just disappears. Who knows where it goes? It's a cool Chinese toilet. It's a cool Japanese toilet where you sit on the floor. It's good for your digestion. It's good for pooping. Apparently squatting is the very best way to do the old poopies, isn't it?

Yeah, but I would just overbalance constantly and just find myself with my bum wedged into my own poo. My knees aren't allowing for that. No, true. I can't even do the Bielsa squat for more than five seconds. About a week ago I went in goal for the Jubilee celebrations

in my street. Oh yeah, I remember you saying it. I put a Queen mask on and did a penalty shootout. They only took about 20 penalties at me, all the kids in the area. I was in bits. Sorry, all the kids in the area?

All the kids in my area, yeah. Did you commit to that? I will take a penalty from every kid in this area. I will take one and I'll be dressed as the queen, and I won't be able to see them. I'll tell you what, kids in Essex are really good at football. It's a big shout. Yeah, I know what you mean.

And I'm not a man to do big shouts. Like Mark Haynes on the Excellent Stack podcast, Wrestle Me, reckons that Americans don't text. And I call, and I don't generally call them. That is absolute fucking nonsense. I know, I know. And I call... That is absolute fucking nonsense. I know. And I call them and I say, Mark, that's insane. You're a learned man.

One thing that is interesting about that type of thing, Pete, sorry to cut in, but is that generally speaking, in my experience, Americans don't like using WhatsApp, which is quite surprising. Oh, right, okay. They're big iMessage guys. Okay. They're big iMessage guys. Okay, they're team iMessage, yay.

But I can't, now I've joined the Android mega super race, how, like, I just sometimes don't get messages from iPhone-ers, and then I'll open my old phone to get some antiquated apps that for some reason aren't on Android, and I'll just have loads of messages on iMessage for some reason, aren't on Android. And I'll just have loads of messages on iMessage saying, happy birthday, Pete. Oh, mate, I'm really sorry. I didn't get back to you. Yeah, I think that's my experience

with my American family on WhatsApp. You send them a WhatsApp, you ain't getting a reply for like six months. I sent a birthday message on WhatsApp to my sister-in-law in the first half of the year, and I got a reply, I think, around November a birthday message on WhatsApp to my sister-in-law in the first half of the year. And I got a reply, I think, around November because she looked at WhatsApp because it was Thanksgiving. That's the kind of level you're looking at.

That is solid work. But when you said that you saved a penalty from every kid in Essex, what was your percentage save ratio, do you reckon? Because I saw the picture and the goal was like a hockey goal, right? It's quite small. It was, yeah. It didn't favour the you reckon? Because I saw the picture and the goal was like a hockey goal, right? It's quite small. It was, yeah. It didn't favour the penalty taker, I don't think. I started letting them in after a while.

Oh, come on. That's bullshit. Come on. I just, you know, I just want them to have those great memories of smashing a ball past the Queen of England. The 96-year-old Queen of England. Yeah, 96.year-old. Which he had done a better job on goal at 96 than you did. I don't know.

I said to Sarah, I said, you better have got my second save on tape because that was magnificent. How old was the kid taking it? He was about 10. I love the idea of you taking it really seriously, like competitively. I went to get my gloves.

You started in the run-up. No, retake. And did you make sure that every single kid got a go? So if there was, say, a family at number 97 that didn't come out, you knocked on their door, said, look, I know for a fact you've got an eight-year-old boy. He's taking a penalty to the slaughter. Take a penalty.

Take me out. Debate me. Debate me. Debate me. Yeah. I'm trying out loud. Were you happy with your performance or not? Happy with my performance all weekend. I started the weekend on Saturday in O'Neill's in Chinatown.

Yeah. And then continued with my own Jubilee celebrations by getting some penalties absolutely lamped at me. I've started playing football, Luke. This isn't the Football Ramble. In Essex. To be honest, this wouldn't fit in the Football Ramble. I've started playing a bit of football down at this kind of really chintzy kind of...

It's called the Players' Lounge in Billericay and if anyone's familiar with that area you know it's proper Essex but basically I've started playing in a five-a-side team where every single last lad definitely was semi-pro at some point

It's funny you say this because I know exactly what you mean when it comes to that part of the country. Do you not think everyone's... Who's that fellow who won Fame Academy or X Factor and he always plays in the old Soccer Nation thing on ITV? What was it? Soccer Aid?

Yeah. I can't remember his name now. Olly Murs. Everyone's a bit Olly Murs. Everyone looks a bit like they were in a boy band and they all definitely played semi-pro at some point. Essex is just a place where every lad knows how to play football really well, in my opinion.

No, I think you're right. And he's definitely from Essex. I'll tell you who else is from Essex. Big Pav, right? Big Pav. He's from Lyon Sea. He's from near where you are. And he and all his mates are all brilliant at football.

He's mad. Yeah. What's and all his mates are all brilliant at football. He's mad? Yeah. What's that about? Why are they all... Is it because there's just so many kind of London clubs that they can all kind of like... No. They stay around the area and try and get their place?

I know exactly what you mean. I was saying this because I went away for a... Obviously because we're having this bloody bathroom done. And it's taken ages. We got to the end of a tether about it. So we just went away for a weekend just to go have somewhere where you could have a working shower for a weekend. And we went up to a hotel up in Hertfordshire,

actually not far from where you used to live. And up in near, actually, no, you were in Bucks, weren't you? Not in Hertfordshire, sorry. I was in Hertfordshire. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, fine. So anyway, and I feel the same about kind't heartfordshire yeah oh yeah yeah yeah okay fine uh so anyway um and i feel

the same about kind of heartfordshire i don't know why but i used to play football at uni with a couple of guys from heartfordshire they were brilliant and then we went um this hotel had like a it had like a kids kind of soccer thing as well like what's it called like a soccer school type thing yeah now i know there's a bit of confirmation bars there because they're all like probably there because they're good. But the standard was absolutely unbelievable. So I think there's a lot of cross... Weirdly, I think there's an interesting substrata...

Not substrata, because that sounds like they're worse. You know what I mean? I don't want to get all Nazi about it. I'm not saying that they're genetically inferior human beings. What I'm saying is that there's a type of person from Essex and Hertfordshire, and the crossover's quite similar. They're all a bit kind of all right mate they all love golf they're all really good at football and they all dress the same same haircuts same way in a weird

way it's like an inversion of the really posh thing that we have in in england where the posh kids all dress the same the henley type style and they've got the same floppy hair as well it's like it's weird how like people kind of get into these little groups whereas you and i pete were renegades so we're outlaws baby they smashed up the mold when they made us they say this mold is not good yeah disgusted they were which is weird which is weird given how many people look like you yeah it's a good point actually yeah it yeah. I reckon what happened was they made me, they smashed up the mould and said, no, disgusting, not again. They made you, but the mould escaped.

Yeah, it found its way into like a B-grade market, like a kind of computer chips. They make loads of computer chips. And then if one isn't really operating as suspected, it goes into the B-grade bin. And it doesn't necessarily fire on all cylinders. There's massive

issues with it, but it's good enough for emerging markets. You're very much the Gianni sisters to the Super Mario Brothers, right? Is this the first mention of the Gianni sisters? The great Gianni sisters on the podcast. Great game. Someone was doing the World Cup of spectrum loading screens on Twitter.

And fuck me, compared to how joyous and silly and playful the Dizzy games were. Do you remember Dizzy on Spectrum? I love Dizzy, yeah. I used to have magic magic that Dizzy. Me too, one of my favourites. I've forever drawn that little fucker on my exercise books. How different the loading screens are.

For Treasure Island, Dizzy, or Treasure Island, I think, when he finds himself in... He's basically in this massive, horrific scene, all cast adrift in some unlovable sea, and there's waves crashing, and he's worried because he's just a big fucking egg with boxing gloves on.

And he's going, ah! And it's absolutely beautiful. These crashing waves and the moon, and it looks so bloody tense, and then you get there, and there's just Dizzy rocking around picking up coins. Yeah, and famously as well, because he's an egg,

the last place he wants to be is in the sea because if he's a good egg, he'll sink to the bottom and if he's a rotten egg, he'll float. So you want to be a rotten egg? Yeah, he's floating at that point,

so maybe he was a big rotten egg. Maybe he's full of stinky gas. Very good point. Yeah. I like the idea that they, this is the thing about, I think we kind of alluded gas. Very good point. I like the idea that they, this is the thing about, I think we kind of alluded

to this in the past, but the whole idea, the kind of aesthetic of, and it's very much around the start of the internet as well, but around that kind of,

because Treasure Island Disney would be like late 80s, right, like 89, something like that. Yeah, maybe a little bit earlier,

but yeah. Yeah, around that kind of area, right? That's when video games were properly exciting because it was just like these kind of rogue Wild West type developers, right? Just doing their own thing.

They're Oliver twins. Well, you know what I mean, though? My friend Jerry, a good friend of mine, he actually used to work at Capital, but I don't think you'd know him. He wrote a self-published book about all the best home video games of the 80s.

Oh, I saw that book. It was very, very nicely done. Yeah, it's really cool. It's really well done. He got loads of money. I think he just likes doing it as a hobby. But anyway,

and when you read that book, you really get the idea that people are just doing stuff out of their own interest, pursuing their own interest. I remember interviewing the guy who invented sensible soccer. Yes. And it was clear that he was just like, started out of their own interest, pursuing their own interests. I remember interviewing the guy who invented sensible soccer. Yes.

And it was clear that he was just like, started out as a hobbyist, but he was just brilliant at it. He's had like a good 25 years out of that game. But I mean, good luck to him. Yeah, it was good. So, you know, I played it. I used to like sort of the management mode

where you just sort of do season after season. And a season would only last about half an hour and you'd just be smashing through it. Setsport of Soccer was fucking great. It was cracking stuff. But they keep bringing it back and they keep repackaging in the same way that obviously

Top Gun's very popular at the moment. Oh, I saw that at the movies, by the way. I did too. It's very good, isn't it? Quite good. You make your point and i'll tell you yeah no i'm just saying like you know there's there's no new ip anymore people in in the main um people are just focused on repackaging and our nostalgia and selling it

back to us it's what give it's what's giving us brexit i suppose isn't it well speaking speaking of yeah speaking of that um i've got so many opinions on that. So on the Top Gun thing, I did like it. I felt like I was at the absolute limit of how much disbelief I could suspend. Do you know what I mean? It was almost like a theme park ride. It was. And you do kind of, it was just... I'm surprised how much I enjoyed it when it was very much a republishing, a repurposing of the original story, really, wasn't it?

It was very much they just did the original story again. Yeah. But the first five minutes was like shot for shots the same. Yeah. Yeah, it's wild, isn't it, that they got away with that? But it's good, though, isn't it? You've got 10 Gs. I'm going to go 10 Gs.

Yeah, I just feel like none of it made any sense. But then the thing is, yeah, I know, as I said to you, I think a week or two ago, I know kind of tangentially, probably at least tangentially, I probably know, I don't know, 10 pilots, and they all absolutely fucking love it. Yeah, Pilot Neil, who's listening to this right now, will probably email in saying he thinks it's great because I suppose it's, to a large part,

the people who are around our age that became pilots, at least partly, that would be because of Top Gun, right? Yeah. So they love it. But then there are just preposterous moments in it where you just think, okay, is this realistically something that... Because I understand it's a movie, right?

So I totally get that things are different because it's a movie and certain things that would never happen in real life do happen in probably every movie. I get that. Yeah. But when you get into a stage where you're literally walking completely unchallenged into an enemy country's airbase and just stealing one of their planes.

You kind of think, I'm pretty sure there's going to be some more procedural stuff involved in that. Well, I mean, it's all very nice and vague. Do they even say who the enemy country is? Because they can't, I suppose. They never say the country. It's funny because back in the 80s, and there's obviously loads of reasons for this,

but for example, you watch Rocky IV. It's basically just a massive, a massive bare face just big at the Soviets. Yeah, and bare-faced. Yeah. In the national bear. But Pete, on the nostalgia thing you mentioned earlier, something that caught my eye last week was,

do you see that Liam McGallagher did a show at nebworth yeah again just repackaging our childhood and and selling it back to us and and if you look at this well the thing that's really funny i thought was really funny about it was that i read that um because liam gallagher's son whose name escapes me loves that band fat white family right liam gallagher agreed to put them on to open the show okay yeah and do you know them the fat white white family they're kind of i don't really remember them to be honest no they're around now they're like they're like a yeah they're like um a kind of punky south london almost like's quite hard to explain, but like really kind of dirty punk. Like idols, I think.

Yeah, but much more, like idols, but much more kind of grotty. Right. And obviously, think of the audience who's gone to go and see Liam Gallagher. Yeah. You're spot on, whatever you're imagining right now, you're spot on. They're purists.

They love a guitar. It's bucket hats every other person. Apparently Fat White Family came on and did like 15 minutes of drone music rolling around the floor screaming. And if you do, and I don't know if it's still there, but when I found out about it last week,

I did a Twitter search of Fat White Family and it is absolutely full of Liam Gallagher slash oasis fans saying what the fuck is this shit i cannot believe this is happening at liam gallagher get this lot off um the next the next um the next artist that came on after them michael kiwanuka so okay so it was a long old festival a. A very coherent line-up. Yeah, I think they probably saw Michael Keane and went, upper feather, first one.

Yeah. Ignoring what I know about Oasis fans. If you watch a video of that Fat White Family performance, it's just the lead singer in a pair of flesh-coloured pants rolling around on the floor of the stage screaming with all this drone music in the background.

Apparently it went on for absolutely fucking ages. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. It makes me want to hunt them out. I think the... And that is subversion, isn't it? Because who else was on? There was...

Kasabian were on, weren't they? Mm-hmm. So I didn't realise it was a full-on... Who supported Oasis back in the day in Nebworth then? There was a full on who supported who supported Oasis back in the day in Nebworth then who played earlier in the day

Prodigy did it I think Ocean Colour scene were there Charlton there were loads of artists because what happens is for those big

kind of arena or what you'd call I suppose like yeah it's like a festival isn't it really they have to justify the ticket price and the fact that

it's such a massive occasion they normally I mean the bands cancel out pretty early. I'm going to see Nick Cave in Belgium in a couple of weeks. At this open air gig just outside Brussels I think.

There's like five or six bands on before him. So I think it's kind of a general thing they do on those types of events. But anyway, yeah, so I just thought it was funny. I very much like the I've been watching quite a lot of

sort of fan cam footage of Rammstein Rammstein Rammstein Rammstein their

their big arena tour that they sort of shopped around Europe it I mean it is worth

checking out how much work it takes to get such an involved set up like that. It takes about a week to get this big, fucking, ornate, crazy kind of set up they've got with all the video screens. Because they do so much stuff on stage. It's like every time you skip through the gig, the lead singer would have blood on his face.

He'd have a big pram with a baby in it. He'd be doing other stuff. There'd be sparks coming out of his tits. All kinds of stuff happening. And they don't take their fan base for granted. I mean, they do incredible videos anyway but they really do put their um put their best foot forward when it comes to um their stage where it was a proper like the scale of what you'd sort of expect from someone like you too or basically the stuff you want always wanted to do for a ramble live show

that we have to talk you down from and compromise somewhere but it's just it takes six, seven days to actually put together in a particular place and then of course they'll be touring, they must tour with two sets basically that's generally what happens if you take your time to look

into the actual logistics of a massive band like that Iron Maiden's another one because they have loads of shit going on. Metallica to an extent as well. They have, I think, two travelling sets and it's a massive, massive operation. Which is why, linking it back to the book

I was reading Slash's autobiography, I think I told you about that, which is why I think, partly why Guns N' Roses broke up the first time around because Axl Rose was such an absolute cunt about um being on stage on time um over a period of time obviously people who do the live show for guns of roses that the the more kind of friendly members of the band so like izzy duff and slash would become pretty good friends with the whole road crew right right? Yeah.

But Axl Rose has always been a complete loner. He never spoke to anyone. He was completely kind of detached. He wouldn't come on stage until like three hours after they're supposed to come on. And that would obviously have its own problems because it would cause fucking rioting among fans and all the rest of it.

And it's obviously immensely disrespectful to the paying public. But the thing that those guys hated was the fact that it massively fucked over the crew. because they couldn't get out so what so basically the way slash described it she's absolutely insane right so axel rose would go would decide unilaterally to come on say two hours late which meant a they lost their fees for performing because they would go over the curfew which meant they'd get fined by the local authorities, right? B, every single person they worked with would hate them

because they wouldn't be able to have to work all through the night. C, they'd call, they'd sometimes cause riots where people literally died. Yeah. And then they would get banned from the city

and not be able to go back and play there again. And they would sit around Maxwell Rose going, can you just come on on time? It's just like a zero sum. Yeah, and he'd be like, nah. And apparently it came to a real head when

they headlined um they co-headlined with um metallica and if you know about this when james hetfield got um james hetfield apparently he either missed his cue or something went wrong and he got set fire to by a pyrotechnic right okay and it burnt down the side of his face down the side of his arm um and um they had to go off they couldn't carry on playing. And so the road manager of Metallica went into the Guns N' Roses dress room and said, can you go on early? Because is it going to be another two-hour wait otherwise and the fans are going to go crazy?

And they were like, yeah, fine, no worries. And Axl Rose refused. Right, okay. And so, yeah, it just caused a massive fucking issue. Again, like me on the Rambletown. They are like well-oiled machines when they work properly right yeah speaking of metallica by the way i've got a great story um i've trialed it last week um

did you hear about that baby that was born during a metallica show last month uh i think i not really i think i think i remember reading the headline and the head it's one of those new stories where the headline has everything in that i need i don't even read that piece well basically basically um but well i'm going to give you i'm going to be a quick pricey because i think it's interesting um uh a metallica fan went to see them in um i think it was in brazil yeah it was in brazil and um she was 38 sorry 39 weeks pregnant and as soon as um they came on she started having contractions um and then um the baby was born had to be born in a i think one of the dressing rooms because they couldn't get to hospital quick enough uh to the sound of enter sandman and uh yeah it's

fucking funny yeah and uh so it was axel rose yeah i baby was Axl Rose. Yeah. I'm late! I'm early! I just thought to myself, you know that, I think it's like an old Russian folk tale about Ivan the Terrible being born on the battlefield or something. Right.

And that's why he was such an amazing warrior. I love the idea of that kid just having his destiny being like a world-straddling fucking metal guitarist now because of his birth. He'll be really into Michael Kuhnuka. Guaranteed. Michael Kuhnuka's

biggest fan. At time of recording no reports of any babies being born during the Fat White Family set. And if you... Didn't we have a Luke and Pete baby? I seem to recall. I want to say that's... Well, listen, I think I would remember that. Yeah, now... Which one of us popped it out?

Who was speaking at the time? Probably me. I'm the more feminine looking one. Let's have a break, mate, because we haven't done one. And Rory will be so pissed off with us. Oh, dear. Because he's on holiday this week. And so the one time he goes on holiday, we're now 25 minutes in and we haven't done a break.

I thought we had done a break. I was going to close down the show. Never mind. That's why Rory's around. We'll be back in a minute just after this don't go anywhere bye bye

hello again it's the Luke and Pete show are you having a baby right now don't say bye bye just before a break because it sounds like you're not coming back what do you mean what I said goodbye

yeah but then they know we're coming back they know we're coming you don't hear the famous Luke and Pete show music do you true speaking of that one thing we completely fucking forgot to mention, the composer of the Luke and Pete show theme tune

and friend of the Ramble, the Luke and Pete show, and Stack, Ben Baddy-Smith, was doing the fucking Joe Burleigh. Yeah. He upset everyone. Put the wrong flag out, didn't he? What did he do? I think during his performance, I think during his performance, they showed the Ireland flag rather than the Northern Ireland flag.

We know Ben pretty well. I don't think he'd have been responsible for that. Ben is responsible for everything that happened in the Jubilee. He's responsible for George Ezra, singer-songwriter, doing... He's got a single out at the moment that's like... You better have a party on the day that I die. Right? And it's about a girl who wants you to have a party

on the day that you die. Which, if she's murdered, you're in the frame. If you're having a party. Yeah, straight away. Big trouble. Terrible. What's George doing? He's having a party.

Well, he's going in the dossier. He's getting an interview. I know that song because my American wife thinks it's amazing the way he sings it because it sounds like potty, which is what you say to kids. Which is what you say to kids in America. Do you want to go

potty? She thought it was funny. I think on the actual performance, he had to not use the words, you better have a party on the day that I die, because we're almost certain that the Queen is already deceased and she's a hologram. Would you like to have a hologram of yourself after you die?

No, because then I don't know. I know what people are doing with my body, but if there's a hologram, I don't want you fiddling with my bits. It's just an image, isn't it? It's just an image. It's just an image, mate. If I try to tickle your nuts, my hand just goes straight through the image.

Yeah, but like the Native Americans say, when you become a hologram, it takes a bit of your soul with you, but in 3D. True, yeah. Speaking of that, why haven't we moved on from the famous Tupac hologram, which was like 10 years ago now? Yeah, but I mean, let me get very upset about this. It's just not a true hologram.

Oh, what is it then? Well, it's just a projection. I mean, holograms are very different things. But what I'm getting at is the same principle of, say, for example, man went to the moon in the 60s. Right. And it's 55 years later or whatever, nothing's got better than that.

And I think we should feel shortchanged about that. And I talked about it on the Where's My Jetpack show, Disappointment, and Sarah, my co-host on it, not my co-host, I was very much her co-host, let me make this very clear. She was saying, oh yeah, because the working theory is that all the people who would have continued in the spaceflight stuff, aside from the fact

that the Cold War was over now, is that they all went into the internet because they all became fascinated by the internet. So she says that outer space essentially became inner space or kind of cyberspace or whatever. Oh, I see, right. And the principle is the same with the Tupac non-hologram. If it's not a hologram, fair enough,

but 10 years on, I should be able to see a Muhammad Ali fight by now, probably. Oh, what? Isn't that what the metaverse is all about? We've talked about that, and it's crap. Do you know what it looks like? The metaverse that we're all supposed to be really excited about, and fair enough, this could come back to haunt me,

and it probably will, because my predictions are generally terrible. It looks like the fucking loading screen for the Wii. Yeah, it's all pretty poor, no one's got any legs I'm not a big fan of it, I'm not a big fan of the future to be quite frank, absolute trash well you're going to get there whether you like it or not mate, I'm telling you let's do an email, let's squeeze an email in

hello at lukeandpeatshow.com is the email address you guys keep emailing and we're very pleased to see that you're still out there and enjoying the show and sending us correspondence yeah we've got a couple of emails I'll give you some subjects Pete and you can choose one and we're very pleased to see that you're still out there and enjoying the show and sending us correspondence. Yeah, we've got a couple of them. I'll give you some subjects, Pete, and you can choose one. So we've got one here about motorcycles.

We've got one here about small-town liars. Oh, let's have a small-town liar, please. I thought you'd go for that one. Big fan of that. This is from Nathan. Hello to you, Nathan. He says, after hearing the show recently, I thought you'd like to hear about my own personal small town liar and what a liar he is.

When I worked behind the bar in my town, there was a bloke, let's call him Pete, rude, who loved to drunkenly bullshit. One night he told me he was a sniper in the Falklands War and he worked in anti-terrorism in Manchester when the IRA were big. Another time, shortly after his divorce, he claimed his neighbour posted a letter through his door detailing how attractive he was and that he could pop round

any time he liked. She was apparently too shy to tell him in person. The coup de grace, though, is the time that he allegedly sang The Drugs Don't Work on karaoke in Prague, which led to numerous women throwing their underwear at him. I bet even Tom Jones himself couldn't pull that off. It's the least arousing song possible.

Love the show. Thanks, Nathan. I love the variety of those lies. I mean, yeah, it just sounds like he's got a life for all seasons, really, isn't it? I mean, if you want to have a radio turned off in my presence, just play the drugs don Don't Work by The Verve. I think it is the most dreary, drab, piece of shit song on the planet. I hate it so much.

And the idea that women would throw their pants at someone doing that in karaoke in Prague, it seems like one of his bigger lies for me. Yeah, and you can tell that kind of case from Nathan's example there. It's pathological, right? Because if you were going to do it and think about it properly and actually try and get some social kind of currency

or kudos out of it, you'd probably think about sticking to one impressive lie. Yeah, just have one. And keeping them on a theme. Do you know what i mean so if it even if it was a military theme fine talk about the military thing you know so you got a heart like that man in the staircase i've yeah i've seen videos on tiktok though i saw a video on tiktok a while back of a guy wearing a load of military medals at an event and another guy who was in the military

saying, that doesn't look right, going up there quizzing him about it and he basically bought them off eBay and put them as wearing them. And he made the guy flip the medal around because I didn't know this. I don't actually know where it was. It could have been the US, could have been the UK. But on the back of those particular medals, it's got the surname of the person

that won it. And they're just all different surnames it's like what brings someone to do that man get them redone just carve it you know carve it

and then at the end of the video he was singing drugs don't work in karaoke it's funny isn't it oh smashing stuff alright

yeah alright let's let's wrap up thanks for that email Nathan thanks to everyone else who sent them in we'll get to a few more on Thursday

as well as your batteries as well which we're looking forward to thank you very much for listening at Luke and Pete on social media hello at lukeandpete.com

is the email address leave us a five star review wherever you listen to your pods because it helps us out a great deal and yeah we really appreciate it Peter that's it, isn't it?

Shall we get out of here? Let's get out of here. See you later. Ta-ta. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Complete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.