The Luke and Pete Show - Never make your own stair gate

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Let’s admit it, other people’s kids are incredibly annoying. It's a controversial opinion that we eagerly support on today’s edition of the Luke and Pete Show.We also question anyone who claims that they actually enjoy wild swimming and we hear from a listener who spotted a rogue Pete Donaldson out in the big bad world...We still want you to send your Christmas stories! Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

. most popular and celebrated tropes next to the long egg and the man who just wanted a succulent Chinese meal. It's Pete Donaldson and Luke Moore on the Luke and Pete Show. For a Monday, Luke, how the devil are you? That's the best intro you've ever done. It is, isn't it? It's actually really good. That is all... I was listening to... It's already broken down. It's already broken down. Don't ruin it. Stop there.

Because what I would say is this. I say to people a lot of the time that if i was pushed the best broadcaster i've ever worked with yeah it would be as we know danny kelly but right but making up the top three is pete donaldson i don't think people hear it enough because i think if you don't mind me saying when it comes to intros and stuff like that, the ceiling is high, you're capable of a lot, but the basement is very low. Yeah, if it's Grand Designs, I'm digging rather than getting the cement out to us. I'd love to see you present in Grand Designs.

Goodness me, what a house. What a fucking, where are all the power outlets? Sorry, I was just taking a shit. You've not even thought about the power outlets. How many LED screens have you purchased for this build? None? What, you've concentrated on the thingy and wattle fucking walls? Well, have a think about people's Wi-Fi access

and whether those walls are going to make a problem. Didn't you say once that you would have a wall made entirely of PowerPoints? Yeah, that'd be lovely. I mean, imagine the microphone on that. Bloody hell. I've been trying to, all last hour,

I've been trying to isolate the 48 kilohertz or 60 kilohertz or whatever the hell it is of my electrical outlet. But imagine that if my entire wall was just made of pluggies.

You could do a PowerPoint, different PowerPoint for every day of the year it'd be delicious absolutely delicious stuff change as good as the rest change as good as the rest if people were if we wanted people to know what the archetypal

Luke and Pete show intro was I think that one today has been pretty good I mean you've probably done really good ones elsewhere but that one was very good if you've just kind of just joined us, I would say it's only going to be downhill from here, I'm afraid. I'm really, really sorry. I'm really sorry.

Yeah, but in a way, going downhill is actually really fun and fast, and sometimes you hurt yourself, but sometimes you have a really great adrenaline rush. Everybody watches the old Extreme Tobogganing and the Winter Olympics, as they call it. No one calls it that. The bone man.

The bone boy. Skeleton. The bone shoot. The bone shoot. Do you know, actually, when I was driving back from Vermont last week, we drove past a ski jump. Oh, right, okay.

It's a ski jump. I mean, it's where you're going to see it, isn't it, I suppose. It's absolutely terrifying just to look at it they just kept on getting bigger and bigger and bigger

and they're like nobody's turned around and went because it's all incremental and the only people who use them are like proper ski jump guys

yeah and like nobody ever turns around and goes eh we're using this like once an hour why is it there

and B like the people it just gets bigger and bigger and no one sort of goes sorry we're using this like once an hour. Why is it there? And B, like the people, it just gets bigger and bigger. And no one sort of goes, sorry, this is dangerous. You're going to hurt yourself. It's rare that you see something out in the wild

where you go, if a normal person did that, they'd die. Yeah. It's like out there winking at you. Do you fancy it, do you? You want a bit of this, do you? Come on, have a go.

But it'd be a little bit like, you know, the car that you were probably driving was bigger than your normal car because that's whenever you hire a car in america they give you a big fuck off car and cars have just got cars and vans and dodge you know charges and stuff they've they've gotten bigger and bigger and bigger and no and it's only now that people are sort of going that won't fit on a road are you that's a monster truck are you insane yeah there are some cars in the US where if you try to drive them down the street I live on you'd be absolutely fucked

but if you've never seen a ski jump in the wild and if you're British there's a pretty good chance you're never going to have seen one they are mad but talking about cars that's not true of us because we were driving LC's 103 year old neighbours 2002 Toyota

Camry. I like it. Yeah. I like it. Lovely little motor. Lovely little runner. Lovely little runner. Speaking of which, I forgot to mention when we spoke about LC on Thursday's show

that he packed some of his homemade, so to speak, honey and maple syrup for you. So I've got some for you. Look, and I lc and the team nothing i give them nothing what yeah i was about to say you give miles of entertainment on the loop and peach show but that's probably overstating it hey lc team that intro is for you baby yeah yeah so listen homemade home tapped maple syrup home how many what would you call the process of honey bees making honey? Home-brewed honey, I guess.

Home-brewed honey. It's like when the proprietor of a Chinese restaurant makes chow mein. There's a bit of everything in there. Yeah. Yeah, it's not really like that, is it? To be perfectly honest, it's not really that much like that, if I'm being totally honest with you, mate. But I do take the point.

So I didn't talk that much about my trip, but we had Thanksgiving. It was good. I was the sous chef. I did a lot of chopping and a lot of peeling and a lot of mashing and stirring, which was fun. You fend for your forearms. There's no two ways about it. I stirred some gravy for 27 minutes. That's too long. And the reason I know is because the microwave clock was right in my eyeline as I was doing it. I stirred some gravy for 27 minutes. That's too long.

And the reason I know is because the microwave clock was right in my eye line as I was doing it. That's commitment. But it's like, it's a little bit that what I like about Thanksgiving is that Americans are really good at cooking to scale. Yeah. I'll use the example of myself and Sarah

last year. Sarah made gravy and we were so drunk we didn't notice that she hadn't put hot water in it in it what she just she's used cold water from the kettle just for christmas so we we'd started on the wine too early and uh she was stirring cold gravy um yeah what time did you start boozing on christmas day as a general rule um i'm not a big boozer i wasn't a big boozer and then i discovered it quite late in my life and it's like it's good and it's good no one bothers you when you're pissed they do you just don't care and and and no one needs me like no one needs my like commentary on eastenders of a christmas day um and it you you catch me at a time either when i'm really up for talking about eastenders when eastenders is on or i'm not saying anything

and if i'm too blasted i'm not saying anything which is great for the people who love eastenders do you not um do you not just get into the situation where maybe like two three o'clock you just sleep on this on the sofa no yeah, yeah, no, I don't know. You feel like, especially when people are around your house, you feel like you've got to entertain. And this year we've got two children in the house. And we know them. And it's...

Important caveat. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of Lion King 2 on the telly. It's going to be a lot of mermaid action. It's just, like, they're really into mermaids. I don't know. Like, kids, like, the usual kind of gender norms of of of male children really seem to really love love dinosaurs a lot yeah and and and and girl versions uh really really like the idea of a mermaid um and and both of them are both fantasies because i believe in baby jesus why why are you going straight to lion king

2 yeah i don't know ask her ask emma ask little baby emma she's uh she's banging to it and she will and she she she'd hit you'd hit um watching lion king 2 with her because um at the start of every scene she'll tell you exactly what's happening in the scene every kid does that and every kid does the dialogue. And it is really endearing if it's a kid that you have, like a family member of yours that you love, but if it's not, it's really annoying instantly. Yeah.

I mean, you shouldn't be watching the usual suspects with them. No. I never get annoyed with babies in my family crying or whatever, but I do find it galling particularly in an enclosed environment when other babies are crying because it's just natural I guess

not to the point where I have a huff about it and go all gammon about it but you're quite aware of it aren't you when it's nothing to do with you yeah I guess so or do I sound like a psychopath do I sound like a psychopath it's your responsibility to tell me

if I sound like a psychopath on's your responsibility to tell me if i sound like a psychopath on the show um run that past me again so like if you're in an enclosed environment yeah say it's like a train or a plane or i don't know a i don't know fucking hell a restaurant whatever and it's a member of your family baby's crying you're a bit like all right okay it's just you know it's not annoying but if it's not someone you know it's like fucking hell you can really notice it is what i mean yes yeah no i completely agree because i have been with other people's kids and i'm really not interested uh in their um um that that was the wrong word i was going to use um i was what's he saying precautionous but i said promiscuity fuck me come on it's a late record luke get it together i'm the jet lagged one

i still haven't got over jet lag last week i've contracted it from you um yeah those fucking promiscuous children it's like the film Kids around here. No, how precautious a child can be. Like, weirdly, like my nieces, I fucking love and I will put up and love and endure like any silly nonsense, silly bloody nonsense they do. But it's weird that like other people's kids, I'm not as into it. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's just evolutionary. But that's not that other people's kids, I'm not as into it.

It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's just evolutionary. But that's not... But I don't see my sister. I don't see them very often. So there's no reason why... But there must be something animalistic in your brain that sort of goes,

well, they're my breed. They're my brood. Yeah. So obviously we want Christmas stories from our listeners hello at lucanpicture.com made a shout out on thursday do another shout out there get in touch with all your christmas stories no matter how good how bad how funny how weird get them in but pete what's what's christmas day gonna look like for you then it sounds like it's a bit of a new a new game in town yeah all better off i think i'll probably end i mean you won't get pissed if you're looking

after kids yeah and when the kids are around I'm just constantly I'm scared at how unsafe our house is like every corner of every coffee table

it's really sharp looks like daggers looks like absolute razors you know in the wind it's like just everything

that could get tipped over get pulled like one of them managed to pull off the what what do you call it, the shelf above the fireplace. It's just the fireplace, isn't it? The fireplace.

Say again? The mantle. The mantle. Managed to pull the mantle off the wall. A bit of DIY fuckery that I didn't even know was the issue. That's probably why. If I had put it up, it would be secure. Like everything else I bloody did.

Probably print-sticked it up there. yeah a couple of post-it notes yeah that's what happens when when our when our nieces and nephew visit within about half an hour it feels like everything that we own is on the floor and um i would they say overnight i get paranoid about the stairs because we haven't got a stair gate so i put i mean they're old my niece is older now so it's fine but we always put something across i'd always move like a cabinet from the hallway in front of the stairs because we haven't got a stair gate so i put i mean they're all my niece is older now so it's fine but we'd always put something across i'd always move like a cabinet from the hallway in front of the staircase because i'd be so terrified that but i guess yeah i guess like but i mean how so you put so you put a staircase at the top of the stairs presumably rather yeah thinking about yeah the bottom of the stairs wouldn't work really because well no you could do both because you don't want them to climb up the stairs if they're of a certain age and then fall back down again yeah learn that yeah you're right aren't you god you know we're gonna need are we gonna need child

oh god i have i have got quite a lot of wood kicking around exactly i imagine if you i imagine they massively recommend you doing your own homemade staircase out of wood i think that's definitely there's obviously there's definitely no regulations where you should buy a properly approved one i think you can it's like a car seat. You can just build your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You live in, like, 19th century libertarian America. Get one of those little brackets you get for the back of your seat for dogs that you attach to their collars or their harnesses, basically.

Yeah, lovely stuff. I've seen quite a lot of people wandering around with, like, papooses on with dogs in them recently.es, basically. Yeah, lovely stuff. I've seen quite a lot of people wandering around with, like, papooses on with dogs in them recently. Oh, yeah? Is this a new vibe? I don't really get it. I just can't... Yeah, I mean... I don't see how there can be so many injured

or not been able to walk dogs. I think maybe, like, there's a lot of, like... Because I know, like, when you get a puppy, they just can't be on the floor. They just can't because they'll get ill. They've not got the vaccinations and stuff. Is that what you mean? Yeah, yeah.

So they can't just run around eating old bread. They very much have to. You've got to keep them away. So you can, I think, keep them in your court. Is that what you say when you're going to get a dog? I've got a load of old bread knocking about my house. Is that going to be a problem? Just chuck it away.

They do love old bread. It's the number one thing that Buckley used to bloody eat and make himself sick because he just loved old bread. What do you like about the oldness of it, the age of it? I don't know. Maybe it's like a fine wine. Maybe it's just like, hmm. Oh, these will be great croutons later.

Yeah, he's like artisanal sort of found bread, in fact. Like, you know, on days where he wouldn't indulge in his actual dog food, I'd go outside and just leave it in the street, and he'd sometimes have a nibble. What, because of the change in scenery? Well, he just thinks it's... Because I'm always pulling him away from found food and found bread. I'm, yeah, I just...

If you leave it in the street, he might think it's food. He might think it's food for him. from found food and found bread. I'm, yeah, I just, like, I just, if you leave it in the street, you might think it's food. You might think it's food for him. One of my cats, on the same fucking day, I bought a 40-pound water fountain because he would drink, and they prefer to drink out of flowing water

rather than still water. Get a water fountain. It's just got a little motor in it. You plug it in, it's fine. But it cost, like, 40 quid. The very same very same day the little bastard i saw him out the kitchen window just drinking out of a puddle yeah but that's wild that's like wild swimming isn't it it's like uh it's like it's good for you isn't it it's good for you speaking of that we um when mimi and i went we went on a climb in the lake district once. And I think one of us had seen some people wild swimming on Instagram,

like the usual story, right? And it was like, I mean, it wasn't like cold. It was like late spring. It must have been about May time. And we were climbing, I think it was the Old Man of Coniston, which is quite a notable Lake District peak. And on the way up, there's all these different um like lakes so they've got certain names i can't what they're called now but they're little little lakes

i mean oh yeah what we'll do is because we'll take a backpack anyway we'll chuck some swim we'll chuck um swimmer stuff in there and a towel and we'll do a bit of wild swimming it looks amazing it's supposed to be really good for you right brilliant so we got we've got this fucking mountain get about halfway up it's not even that high or it's a lake district it's not like we're going like it's not in the himalayas you know i mean it's not that high and um so you do about an hour and a half walking up this up this mountain you guys are not really nice lake and the great thing about it is there's no one there right it's literally no one around so you you put your swimming stuff on i put about two toes into the

lake it's the coldest thing i've ever experienced in my entire life. You could not get in it, right? And I'm on Instagram when I get back late that day, and I'm looking at people swimming in that very same lake at the same time of year, having a great time. It cannot be happening. They must just be painting a smile on for five seconds for a photo. So I find when in really cold i

went for a dip sort of early october maybe middle of october because it just looked really inviting lovely sunny day um and uh yeah it would have been sort of middle of october and and and it looked nice and you get in and it the problem is like any colder than it was that day your your muscles start shut down that's how you go into fucking shock, don't you? It's too fucking cold. And I don't know how people do like boxing day dips and stuff like that. Maybe they do it because there's other people around

and can help them if they get into distress. But I just think it's fucking dangerous, all that ice diving and stuff. Because my, I start to like, it starts to burn. Your skin starts to burn and then your muscles start to sort of seize up and you can't fucking move. It's horrible. The thing that annoys me about it is you're absolutely spot on and you never once hear

anyone say oh wild swimming in really cold waters fucking crap no one says that exactly what was it like it was terrible i fucking got really cold and it was fucking painful no one said i had a headache for three days and i'm not even i'm not even someone who is averse to that. I grew up right near the sea, admittedly on the South Coast, but for seven, eight, nine months of the year, it's absolutely infucking passable. And we used to go in there. Like, we used to do it.

And it was kind of... So I've got a history of doing it. It was just absolutely impossible. You're right. It gives you a headache. Your skin starts to fucking burn as soon as you get out. It's awful. At least the sewage is frozen in the licks of well that's the only fucking redeeming feature about those there's no there's no sewage in there you know it's too too cold for the sewage i don't that's that's an interesting topic as well because

i don't want to get like too political or whatever but that for me falls under the bracket of, that's not a political thing. You don't have to defend that. Anyone, even if you're an MP and there's collective responsibility, and I understand that's how the party's political system works, I don't think you're going to get blamed for not defending that, so why are you doing it? Yeah, I don't think a whip is going,

we need to vote thumbs up for human shit. Sorry, can I just get a clarification on what the policy is? It is raw human shit, is it? Into the sea. And it's a million litres a year, is it? That's a lot. Okay. Can I sleep on that?

Can I get a battery on that one? Can I ask my priest? I thought it was that. I was hoping you'd say something different. This is terrible. It's kind of like, yeah thought it was that, I was hoping you'd say something different. This is terrible. It's kind of like, it's like, yeah,

it's bad, isn't it? Yeah, but I mean, actually, you'll find that a lot of these situations where sewage floods,

it's because there's too much rain. There's always fucking rain, it's Britain. Yeah, exactly. It's fucking Britain. If your infrastructure has to dump human shit

into my eyeballs when I'm going for a little swim swim in the Thames, that's your... Or the estuary, not the Thames. Don't swim in the Thames. That's very much not my fucking issue. It's very much your idea of what a normal society looks like. Yeah, definitely right.

It's like the fucking Ganges in the 70s or something. Yeah, and you also get that thing with the climate change environment thing and stuff, right? It's like the fucking Ganges in the 70s or something yeah and you also you also get that thing with the climate change environment thing and stuff right it's like right look at the people

who are saying that it's fine right it's basically oil companies and fucking really rich old white men

that's it right so that's on one side on the other side you're trying to convince me there's some kind of aggressive conspiracy run by a bunch of fucking vegan sandal wearers who will go 10 miles out their way

to not even have an argument. So they ain't going to... Choose your side. The worst thing that's going to happen here if we choose the right side is we get a nicer planet. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense the other way around.

There's no fucking argument for it. And it's the same thing with the pumping the sewage into the sea. That's all you've got to say. Fine. Listen, have the inquiry. Do the committee.

I'll sum it up in one sentence. You're pumping shit into the sea. That's it. There's not too much to that. It's actually overflow from the... Shut up. You're pumping it into the sea. It's like when old Dick Cheney shot someone

have you heard that story? Dick Cheney shot someone when he was hunting and the kind of non-apology was famously, I'm saying it's famous but I'll probably get it wrong, it was something like in his statement he said, mine was the mind that activated the finger that touched the trigger, that pulled the gun

to fire the weapon that hit the man and it's like, how many bits of information could you put between yourself and the fact that, say, you basically shot your mate? You shot him. You know what I mean? Let's not have this double speak. You shot him.

I think if we were going on a little shooting holiday in the other fucking... Not happening. First question, do you want to go on one? My response, who's going? Second point, Pete, no thank you. Right, okay. So do you say there go on one my my response who's going second point pete no thank you right okay so so so there's do you say there's a chance um but like i think i think i think it would i think i think you would be the one shooting me not the other way around because i because i'd lose my

temper um no no not really i know i'm more likely to shoot you in the back but i think you'd i think you would accidentally accident like you'd you'd have problems with the tech of the oh yeah that's probably sure that's probably anything else i think yeah yeah i would also just say while we're indulging this flight of fancy um there is genuinely no way i'm going near you in firearms that's not happening but the second thing i would say is that i've got a real disconnect between cruelty to animals and eating meat i do eat meat and i feel bad about it all the time and i can never properly envision myself killing an animal anyway i would never do that so obviously there are exceptions to that you know the humble mosquito will get short shrift from me uh the the uh very aggressive uh wasp will also get short shrift apart from that

i can't really bring myself to do anything like that but i still eat them still fucking gobble them down mate what wasps no no not wasps little waspy waspy alook no no but you know what i mean do you feel the same about that yeah i mean moths are out of town he's leaving um but everything like fly i mean the odd fly i'll go as well but it's like little midges that are just in your face i'll give them a little little slap but um i'm i'm always tasked with getting uh little animals out of the house and um yeah i've changed my tap massively like back in the day i'd just be it's like splatting them but nowadays moths are the only ones who get a splatting i saw ray um on the way to the airport last week i saw a coyote that had been killed by a car on the side of the road and it was fucking massive fucking they're big on i saw one in like in like a park like near

los angeles and it was like clearly it clearly been tagged it clearly been like like tagged around the neck sort of thing but it's just like yeah

like I was it was just really weird to sort of see just wandering around a normal there were buzzards like circling around and stuff as well

it was pretty full on anyway let's have a quick break Pete when we come back we've got an email I want to do uh um so let's do that uh it's interesting actually it's about um explosives it also features the thames estuary which you mentioned earlier so you know there's the link beautiful we're back with a little peach show and we've promised you email so we're gonna bloody read some out for crying out loud because i have got a vegetarian

lasagna in the oven and i've got to go and eat it fair enough and that's good because that's on theme because that means you've not harmed anyone in exactly thank you um depending on how i suppose the dairy part of it was um achieved was assembled harvested yeah i don't i don't think they would necessarily have sliced it open no but people do say if you want to be properly good to my name is you've really got to be a vegan rather than a vegetarian but anyway that's that's besides the point um our friend tom has been in touch um and he says the following thing that there's there's two aspects of this email so it's kind of like two emails in one so we'll do this one uh he says hi luke and pete a few months ago you got onto the topic of unexploded world war ii bombs we actually

talked about that last th as well, I think. And I was surprised to hear that the Thames Estuary ticking time bomb that is the SS Richard Montgomery wasn't mentioned. The ship was wrecked on the North Sandbank in the Thames Estuary near Sheerness in Kent in August 1944 while carrying a cargo of munitions, about 1,400 tonnes of explosives to be exact, and they still remain on board.

The story goes that one day she'll blow and the assumed impact ranges from rattled windows to total decimation of Essex and Kent. Wow. So that's true. That ship does exist. You can see the masts. I think they're visible at certain tides in the Thames estuary.

There is 1,400 tons of explosives on board, but I actually did a little bit of research into this you can see the masts i think they're visible at certain tides in the thames estuary there is 1400 tons of explosives on board but i actually did a little bit of research into this before i read the email out and apparently um based on the recent survey the chances of it being exploded appear to be very remote after all this time but still something to think about something to think about and that's the one thing they don't tell you that they can't um they can't tell you oh they don't have to report on the old um government housing survey thing they don't tell you where the unexploded uh ordinance is is that because i don't know no they do know and there's a and they can't know where every bomb is they they roughly know where most bombs have been dropped yeah because i mean if you drop a fucking bomb like people notice

there was thousands of them during the Blitz. Yeah, but you'd still sort of go, right, why is there a hole in that fucking road? Well, there's probably a bomb at the bottom of it that's not been exploded.

But, like, they don't have to, like, when you do those house surveys, they've got to tell you where the radon is. Obsessed with fucking radon. Oh, but they don't have to tell you where the unexploded ordnance is. So there might be some

really, really close to your house. There might be some underneath your really close to your house. There might be some underneath your house. So be careful. A touching sentiment. A touching sentiment. Tom does go on to sort of say that he recently passed pity on the way to the car park of a notable South End footballing hotspot. I gave Pete a big old wave and a thumbs up,

and he looked horrified. He responded with an awkward wave, and I was left with questions from my confused wife and sons. I mean, did you... I don't even remember doing the wave did you even make it clear that you know who i was yeah it's disappointing this because from our side so i'm much more grumpy than you i would say generally so if you get me in a bad day if you're listening to one of our shows and you get me in a bad day i'll always be like pleasant but i'm not going to be really enthusiastic necessarily whereas pete you to be really enthusiastic necessarily. Whereas Pete, you are always really enthusiastic

and really lovely all the time. So that must be troubling for you, that. If you let me know. It happens every couple of weeks. Someone will say hello. But no, if you let me know that you know who I am. Otherwise, I just think... Because people...

I'm a weird looking character. Yeah. Furtive. Furtive is a word. Furtive. If people. Perverted. Furtive is a word. Furtive is a word I would use to describe my look. Scheming. Yeah.

Always got something on the go. Always going from, busy. Always going from one place to another on some kind of scheme. Cutting about. That's what you said if I wasn't doing this, I'd just be cutting about. You'd be like, have you seen The Wire? You know Bubbles, the heroin addict. He's always doing capers on The Wire.

That's what you'd be like. But not on heroin. Not on heroin. So what's your explanation for young tom he's obviously very disappointed i don't know i don't know what i don't know what i must have not known that you knew who i was i just thought you were just looking at a weirdo and going all right dickhead yeah i don't know i told you before it's happened to me where um uh so i think it was around the time maybe we did our most recent ramble tour. I was in the vicinity of one of the venues. I can't actually remember where it was. It might have been

Shepherd's Bush maybe, possibly Hatton the Empire. I think it was probably in London. We had done soundcheck and we had a bit of time spare. I was knocking about and I was going to get some food or something. Someone came over and said, oh, excuse me, do you mind taking a photo?

And I've been in ramble mode. Oh yeah, no worries, no problem. And kind of gestured in a certain way that I thought they wanted to take a photo with me but basically just wanted me to take a photo with them because they were on the holiday. So they must have just thought, who the fuck is this guy?

That is beautiful. Because people do that in celebrities all the time as this guy that is that's that is beautiful yeah because like people do that celebrities all the time there's a little joke they sort of go yeah it is yeah it's like a little joke but like uh yeah that's that's pretty delish i don't i don't think i could recover from that to be honest i'd be i'd be in the in the pootems that's the difference between you and me because i i embarrass myself so regularly i'm almost like i've got like a rhino skin to it you know and I would say to our friend Tom is that you know what's difficult as well say in that situation

is that if Tom wasn't as reasonable as he clearly is he could then for the rest of his life tell the story that he met you once and you were a rude cunt does that sound likely? I'm a needy fucker aren't I? you're not like that I remember getting really pissed off once back in the day when someone spread

the rumour on Twitter that they lived near you and you were really arrogant and you knocked about and they thought you were the big dick I remember on your behalf getting really pissed off

about that and going into bat for you on Twitter going he's not like that at all it was a really mean thing to say you just can't ignore it

haven't you but I think someone said I was conceited that's what it was so you remember it as I walk around Highgate I don't know how really how to walk yeah around conceit if i'm not talking to anyone if i'm sort of going well i think that if i'm sort of walking on the heath shouting well

i think this and i think that like i mean i would say that would be you that's approaching a place where someone could criticize you yeah i'm just walking around to your house it just angers me because you, I mean, as much as I like to take the piss out of you and all the rest of it, you've got many, many faults, or we can go into those next week if you want, but you're not at all,

you're a very good-natured, nice, friendly man, and I think that was a really, it was a horrible thing to say, chiefly because it's fucking blatantly untrue. Yeah. So I'm not having that. And I don't know who that guy is, I can't remember,

but if he's listening to this now, he knows what he's done but some people just want to I just think some people want to when people sort of do like bad banter on Twitter and stuff

they just want to reach out they just want to be part of something and I think that to sort of like if you saw I'm not saying that came out

very wrong I'm saying like if I saw if someone saw like someone famous and someone was saying, oh, I fucking hate this guy. They want that person to know that they've seen that person in the wild.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And obviously I've used the word fame and I've massively fucking walked into that. You've got a bit more of a project profile than sort of a lot of people. So that's fair enough. Conceited little.

No, no, I'm not complaining. I'm not conceited. But I'm saying people just want people to know that they know that person do you know what I mean like it's when people like die

and again they're not well known people but like Dave down the fucking pub he's going oh yeah I know Dave yeah really well it's like when did

you last see him that's not important you know what I mean everybody wants to be part of the story I suppose so that's why people say silly things like

that I think sometimes it happened to me once I won't go into the details because I genuinely don't have any ill feeling the story i suppose yeah so so that's why people say silly things like that i think sometimes you know it happened to me once um i won't go into the details because i genuinely don't have any ill feeling towards this person i don't want to embarrass them but um i had someone who used to troll me all the time on twitter to the point where it's actually quite nasty and i ended up remembering who they were because they were so nasty and then i saw them and they were working as a um they were working in a in a place that i had visited and i knew that they who they were but they didn't know that i knew who they were

and in person they were the nicest friendliest thing it was like really weird did you get your did you get your um pretty woman moment big mistake what was that i don't know what that is well just sort of like you don't you don't know that i know haha big mistake hahaha no i just i'd left him a really big tip and made i was the nicest man as i could be on purpose so they they knew that i was a good person they felt really bad because they had made me feel really bad in the past and i could have had a confrontation about it which is obviously as you know is in my nature but i didn't i didn't want to do that so i didn't i just left him that's being the bigger man i would have i know i can't believe it's taken me that long to tell you that story. It was about six years ago.

Pete, that one time in my life when I've been the bigger man. What I would say is, like, back in the day, it used to affect me quite a lot because I would come up with these big opinions and talk about all this shit about football on the podcast and it was something you're not really prepared for. But I guess you had a little bit more of a preparation for it because you did the radio already, I suppose.

Yeah. I mean, I think when I put the – I think I had a big opinion a couple of weeks ago on The Ramble, and it got used as one of the clips. And people who sort of don't know The Ramble don't know the shows that you're on. They're not interested in the context so i understand that like when we sort of take something out of context from for people i think it's sometimes like we've got to be cognizant the fact that it you know that that a headline is not a contact is not context i suppose and you really have to work hard not to be rude to people.

Yeah, I just don't. I just see it as part of the game now. I don't really care. I see it as part of the job, so I just get on with it. And I don't take much time to think about it. I pretty much mute with impunity on social media. I don't really care about social media that much anymore. So it doesn't really affect me.

But it's a real learning curve. I was completely unprepared for it when it first happened because you just don't expect that kind of level of vitriol because people aren't like that to other people in real life, generally. Like, I'd never really,

as an adult, I'd never really heard anyone to my face consistently be, like literally, they'd be like swearing, abusing you,

calling you all sorts of shit, telling you to fuck off and die, all that kind of stuff. Stuff that you would never say in real life. It's a real learning curve you had to develop the skin for it and move past it

I suppose and then what's interesting to me about that story I told then about the person I met in real life is that like they were just the nicest person and it really reminded me

what you said there of them because you were like they just want to be a part of it and they do I don't think he would have even understood the cognitive dissonance between what he was doing online

and what he was like in person. It was completely the opposite. So yeah, anyway. Anyway, let's go. That's enough moaning from us. We've got an email out. That's fine. Thanks to Tom for sending it in. Hello at LukeandPeach.com with all your Christmas themed ones. As I keep saying, they've been rolling in but we want some more.

So do send them in and we'll read out our favourites in a mailbag episode around Christmas TBC. Pete, that's it from us, isn't it? I'm going to go off and have my dinner. I'm going to have... What are you going to have? As discussed, I'm having a vegetarian lasagna.

I'm not having a lasagna. I'm having some pasta, so similar. Beautiful. Bellissimo. Ciao, Bella. Molto bene. See you later on. Ta-ta.

The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.