The Luke and Pete Show - New Rave Roller Coasters
Episode Date: October 18, 2021Happy Monday! Welcome back to another half an hour with The Luke and The Pete. This time around we talk James Bond, which naturally leads into a chat about cinema etiquette and what level and frequenc...y of cough Pete deems acceptable in the movie theatre. There's also more tales from listeners about their school's approach to whatever non-existent drug problem existed at the time and we spend what feels like a lot of minutes talking about morning routines. What's yours? Let us know: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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It's Monday the 18th of October
well done for making it this far
this is the Luke and Pete Show
I'm Pete Donaldson
I'm joined by Luke Moore
Luke Aaron Moore
Luke Aaron
Marmaduke Fairfax Moore
and we're back with another show
The studio needs an Aaron
The studio needs an Aaron
it does yeah
Time for another half an hour of magic, Pete.
Yeah.
Did you bring any magic?
Because I haven't.
We're 11 minutes ahead of schedule on the record time as well.
Pleases me, that.
It's in my other trousers, to be quite frank.
You do wear magician's trousers.
I do, yeah.
But they look like magician's trousers,
but they're not baggy enough to conceal the conceit.
Any tricks.
Yeah, the conceit.
These are pockets in this Koopals trouser.
Oh, you go Koopals, do you?
No, I just really want, there was,
it was the guy who sang, Devendra Banhart, the singer.
He was one of the Koopals.
You know, they get like handsome and quite stylish looking men and women
who are actual legitimate couples
to kind of advertise their rather low rent stuff
when you actually...
Is it low rent?
Well, it falls to pieces very easily, I find.
But he was advertising like a brown suit
that I really liked,
quite skinny brown suit.
And I managed to get on eBay like three years later
and it doesn't look very stylish.
But the pockets are very very very
narrow and small
so Devendra Banhan he clearly doesn't carry a lot of money
around with him. He's a bit of a hippie isn't he? He's a bit of a hippie
yeah but he looks... What's he got in the pockets? A couple of leaves?
A twig? If you put like
a man who's quite hairy
into a suit it's a little bit like
when they do those transformations for homeless men
and they tell us that they're really handsome
underneath and they've got beautiful...
And they always give them an undercut.
Like, that's...
Hey, have you been on the street for 20 years?
Well, let me give you a haircut
that's been around for 15 years.
I didn't expect to hear Devendra Banhart's name mentioned today.
It's the sort of man that was very...
It's a little bit like mentioning Harmar Superstar, isn't it?
Yeah. It's kind of like, what's that about? Yeah, exactly, yeah. of man that was very it's a little bit like mentioning Harmar Superstar isn't it yeah
it's kind of like
what's that ever
yeah exactly
so it's a
Devendra Banhart
for those who are
listening who don't
know who he is
folky
hippie kind of type
writes songs about
living in the woods
and all that kind of
crap and you know
open the door to your
heart and let love in
and all that type of
stuff
who needs that
I think we all need
a bit of that
we probably could do
with winding it back
a little bit.
Yeah.
Let's bring New Rave back.
Where's that come from?
Let's have some Paul Tiger tailing.
Let's just take pills or something.
I'm trying to explain to our listenership
who may be blissfully unaware of Divenger Brandhart.
And you're talking about New Rave.
Now I'm talking about Paul Tiger tail.
Imagine the opposite of New Rave.
That's Divenger Brandhart.
That one song.
Yeah, you're talking about Hadouken.
Away in the swimming pool.
Hadouken.
Yeah.
And the original, not the original, the definitive new rave artist.
Hello, Klaxons.
Hello, the Klaxons.
They were on the Brit Awards doing a song with fucking Rihanna.
Now, what's she been up to recently?
She is good as Rihanna.
Say again?
She is good as the original Rihanna?
Well, Rihanna's not done
anything for like four years
or she's released any new music
for four or five years.
Tough crowd.
Tough crowd in here today.
Fucking hell.
What do you mean?
Just taking aim.
I'm just saying,
the Klaxons are clearly
planning something, aren't they?
This is recent, is it?
What do you mean?
You saw...
No.
First of all...
They were on the Brit Awards
like ten years ago. I don't think they're called the Klaxons. They're just called Klaxons. I think so. You reckon? No you saw, I don't know. First of all, they were on the Brit Awards like 10 years ago.
I don't think they're called
the Klaxons.
Oh,
they're just called Klaxons.
I think so.
You reckon?
No,
I'm pretty sure of that.
Are you 100% of the world?
I'm pretty sure of that.
Okay,
fine.
Um,
and,
uh,
I wasn't expecting to go anywhere
near this avenue of conversation
today.
Ooh,
ah.
Keep going.
Keep going.
This is great.
golden scans.
One person who wasn't,
do you know what I like about,
um,
popular, uh, artist and, uh, singer, songwriter, Adele, um, This is great. Golden scans. One person who hasn't... Do you know what I like about popular artist
and singer-songwriter Adele?
She just upends the system, man.
What?
She's like,
I ain't doing anything for five years.
No one cares.
No one stops loving her.
Well, does she not just go on stage
and do interviews?
She sort of sings a beautiful love song
and then goes,
I've dropped my chips or something.
That's a kind of a shtick, isn't it?
Very much so. Like she sings this beautiful... She lost a kind of a shtick isn't it very much so
like she sings
this beautiful
she lost a lot of
weight
well just because
you mentioned chips
I'm just saying
she dropped a lot
of chips
she cannot keep
hold of chips
that woman
what I like about
I was just going to
say look
she gives an interview
to British Vogue
first interview in
five years
only thing anyone
else has heard of
her since
in that last five years is a paparazzi shot on
a long lens.
Rumors of a divorce.
Right.
It's very old school mystique around a pop artist.
Yes.
And then she comes back, new album, bang, breaks the record for streaming on Spotify
in a single day.
Is it already?
Did she do like a boy and went, it's out tomorrow?
Kind of.
I think the single is called Easy on Me.
I think it is. I think the album's called Easy On Me I think it is
I think the album
is about a divorce
but what I'm saying is
sometimes less is more
sometimes
they don't need to be doing
Instagram takeovers
with
you know
just trying to think of someone
with
you know
Paddy McGuinness
an Instagram takeover
with Paddy McGuinness
she doesn't need to be on
Question of the Sport
with Paddy McGuinness
she doesn't need to go on
Love Island the extra one with Paddy McGuinness. She doesn't need to be on Question of Sport with Paddy McGuinness. No. She doesn't need to go on Love Island,
the extra one.
She doesn't need to go on
Paddy McGuinness.
Can I just say,
you haven't...
It sounds like she's single.
You telling me to not have a go
at Paddy McGuinness
is very rich.
Yeah.
He's one of your most hated men.
No.
I'm Josh Whittakin all day.
I haven't...
You're McGuinness.
I haven't kind of
consumed enough McGuinness
to be that annoyed
about it, to be
quite frank.
There's very few
people that I
hate watch anymore.
That's the classic
backhanded compliment
though, isn't it?
I never hate
watch anymore.
It's just not a
thing I do.
Listen guys, how
can I hate Paddy
McGuinness when I've
got no idea what
he does?
But Doctor, I am
Paddy McGuinness.
Maybe.
Watch Take Me Out, you'll have a lovely time. But Doctor, I am Paddy McGuinness maybe watch watch Take Me Out
you'll have a lovely time
but doctor
I am Paddy McGuinness
maybe the real win
is the Paddy McGuinness
as we met along the way
anyway
what did you get up to
the weekend Peter
what did I get up to
the weekend
we
I spent some time
with my partner's friends
and their children
and
did you have access to them
I've access to everybody in the house look if you're in and did you have access to them?
I've access to everybody in the house
look if you're in my house
I've access to you
yeah
that's the deal
went on
a couple of roller coasters
alright
I am
physically or emotionally?
physically
I am
I think
I think I've been on a roller coaster
every week for the past month
that's
that's a good amount of roller coasters
I would say
you are hiding your light under a bushel there.
Constant roller coasters.
I know I say this about you a lot,
and I hope this doesn't come across as unfair.
I think a man of your age repeatedly being seen
on roller coasters could become a problem.
I'm not seen on roller coasters.
Too quick, baby.
I'm gone.
But I will say that I have become so accustomed
to the speed
and the g-forces
that I now
can do
a funny face
or like
the devil horn rock signs
at the camera
when it flashes the light
have you completed
rollercoasters
I've completed rollercoasters
I'm like bang
I did devil horns
at the weekend
which one's your favourite
there's one at Southend
the problem with Southend Pier
are those ones
which is literally
five minutes down
the road
so walk the dogs
go on a rollercoaster
come back
what do they do
do you tie them up
do you
you what
you just tie the dogs
up to like a railing
and get on the rollercoaster
yeah
you see a dog tied up
up to a shop
yeah
like that
they can't go on them
can they
no I don't think so
but yeah
go on there
the problem with them is they they're very, very short.
Even off-season, the actual rides,
they should take you around twice,
but they just go around once.
And before the ride, they actually go,
just to let you know,
if you're comfortable with this, continue to ride.
If not, feel free to turn around.
This ride only goes around once.
And it's like like take them around
twice it's off season
no one's here don't
worry about it
yeah give them
something to remember
give them something
to remember mate
yeah that's a much
better market employ
than the difficult
message to deliver
which is that you've
got to get off now
on this very short
rollercoaster
but you know what
Americans think that
British theme parks
and rollercoasters
and shit are terrible
the limb yeah
I imagine
we haven't got the room.
We haven't got the bloody room.
Americans have got loads of room, haven't they?
To spread out.
Is that the only reason?
With the big beds, the big houses, and the bigger roller coasters.
I think that Americans understand that everything is the extension of the entertainment industry.
Everything.
Everything.
Whether it's going to the shop, whether it's politics.
Or the lopital.
Anything is the extension of the entertainment industry.
So I went to go and see
the new Bond film
have you seen it?
yes I have
yeah
enjoy it?
yeah
there was
if it was
an hour and a half
I would have enjoyed it
yeah
it's just
you know when people
criticise the new
Blade Runner film
the Villeneuve
yeah I haven't seen it
but yeah I do know that
it is
I think it's one of
the best films
released in the last 20 years
I genuinely think it's beautiful
I think it's wonderful
let me just write this down
hang on a minute
it's just wonderful
last 20 years
last 20 years
so you're going all the way
back to 2001
yeah because like
last 20 years
we've all had
as fucking Marvel films
and films
who's the guy
who does all those
kind of whimsical films
Wes Anderson
he's got another one
coming out
it's exactly the same
exactly the same
what's Timothee Chalamet
doing now
is that Bill Murray
of course it fucking is
I like Wes Anderson
but I know what you mean
yeah yeah exactly
but yes
it's just too long
people criticise
the Bill Murray film
for being too long
they are fucking wrong
but they are right
about this one
it's too bloody long hour and a half you've got an hour and a half do it sum up the last 20ber of a film for being too long they are fucking wrong but they are right about this one it's too bloody long
hour and a half
you've got an hour
and a half
do it
sum up the last
20 years of cinema
in a sentence then
what do you mean
you're just saying
Marvel
Wes Anderson
and a load of crap
Pete Donaldson
in a cinema
looking into
Ryan Gosling's
beautiful eyes
I do think that
if Ryan Gosling
wants to seriously
think about having
a career as an actor
he's going to have
to speak at some point
so anyway I went to go see No Time to Die, he's going to have to speak at some point.
So anyway, I went to go see No Time to Die.
I'm not going to give you a plot spoiler. There's no time to die, Bond!
My favourite piece of dialogue is when he said,
Blofeld, do I have any time left to die?
And Blofeld says, there is no time to die.
Okay then.
But anyway, I won't spoil it because it's still in the cinema.
It's still in the middle of its run
so it's probably not fair
to give one a plot point
Mr Robot turns up and goes
there's no time to die
that's all it is
I've got a mountain of things
I don't
how do you get
I've got no time to die yet
anyway
so Pete
you've already mentioned
the film's long
yes
I think it clocks
two hours thirty seven
or whatever
by the way
the theme tune's good
Billie Eilish
very good oh yeah for some reason I thought it was Adele it's not it By the way, the theme tune's good. Billie Eilish, very good.
Oh yeah, for some reason I thought it was Adele.
It's not.
It is Billie Eilish, isn't it?
Yeah, it's good.
She did one before.
But it's very...
I like it when bands clearly were in the frame to do a Bond theme.
They didn't get it, but they spent the money on the studio time,
so they released it as a single.
Muse have done it.
Pulp have done it.
No problem with that.
No problem with that.
Listen, we will release anything here.
But it sounds so much like Bond.
It sounds too much like Bond.
You've got to de-bond it
before you release it, unfortunately.
I know what you mean.
So maybe you have to kind of
take some of the strings off or something.
Yes, yes, yes.
But Adele did a good one.
I can't remember the Spectre one.
The No Time to Die one with Billie Eilish
is very good.
And I don't know if you felt the same,
but the, you know, in the films,
this is going to sound ridiculous,
but you know what I mean.
They have like an intro bit and they have the intro credits in the song this is going to sound ridiculous but you know what I mean they have like an intro bit
and they have the intro
credits
and the song
and they did that in the
Bond film quite late on
but when it comes in
there's a little
interruption
the graphics are fucking cool right
anyway
so I'm watching the film
with the wifi I have access to
worrying about nanobots
well yeah
well yeah exactly
and get about an hour and a half in
so we're invested we've sat down we've gone through our popcorn I'm doing that nanobots. Well, yeah, exactly. And get about an hour and a half in.
So we're invested.
Yeah.
We sat down.
We've gone through our popcorn.
I'm doing that,
trying not to do that thing at the bottom of a drink,
you know,
because I don't want to disturb anyone.
Yes.
And the film just stops.
Just crashes.
No, it doesn't.
It's just as if someone's paused it.
Right.
I see a picture of
Daniel Craig's massive old man ears
and his bushy eyebrows. And he's just staring at me. And he's paused it. Right. I see a picture of Daniel Craig's massive old man ears and his bushy eyebrows.
And he's just staring at me.
Yeah.
And he's about 15 foot high.
Yeah.
And it starts again for a bit and it stops again.
Right.
And it starts and it stops.
And this goes on for about 10 minutes.
And the projectionist is sat on the remote.
There's no projectionist
because it's all fucking automated these days, isn't it?
Which is annoying.
Is it though?
Even at the picture house,
it's all digitally done automatically
so no one knows what's happening.
You've still got a picture guy.
You've still got a guy who looks after them all. Yeah, but he doesn't know what's happening. He doesn't know what's happening digitally done automatically so no one knows what's happening you've still got a picture guy you've still got a guy
who looks after them all
yeah but he doesn't
know what's happening
he doesn't know
what's happening
anyway
so the point being
there should be an alarm
really that goes
the film has stopped
the film stops
and so we're going
alright well
I don't want to carry on
watching it in this way
stop stop stop
and I don't want to
spoil myself
so what are we going to do
eventually anyway
the film's already
three hours long
it doesn't need to be longer
tell me about it right
so we leave
and go get the refund
right
and as we're getting the refund
they're like sorry about that
yeah fucking
everyone's left so sorry
here's a refund
give us a refund
I look over the shoulder
of the woman working there
and there's another showing
that's an hour behind
right
so I say to the wife
I have access to
get the refund.
Go around the side of the desk
and we'll go to screen number one
because we were in screen number two
and we'll fucking settle in.
So we go around to screen number one.
No one stops us and sit in.
So does Larry know that you're
taking her daughter into a life of crime?
That was an odd sentence.
He's taking her daughter.
I was thinking
have I doxed your wife
so anyway
Larry won't
Larry knows the kind of guy I am
yeah
that's all I'm saying
does he mind
listen
we entered that cinema
in good faith
you're getting your pound of flesh
so we got back into the cinema
and it was about 15 minutes in
and we had to watch
the whole thing
so basically I spent
I think working it out you have made it longer about 15 minutes in and we had to watch the whole thing so basically I spent I think
working it out
you have made it longer
then haven't you
I think we spent
4 hours 40 minutes
watching Bond
yeah
and I was just
desperate
to get to the bit
that I hadn't seen
yeah
and you do start to notice
things that you didn't notice
the first time around
a couple of jokes
you know
a couple of little
god Jesus Christ
you missed some of the jocks
the first time around
I'm just saying
I'm not great
on the attention span
so anyway
the point being
I watched No Time to Die
twice on Sunday
for no fault of my own
and it was fine
it was fine
absolutely fine
it was perfectly serviceable
when we got
we went to
Southend Cinema
and
the
and there was a man
in our seats
and I was like, right, fine.
I really, I hate that.
That must be terrible for you.
What's going on here?
And he was like going,
you guys just sit there.
I had a hot dog and a big thing of Coca-Cola
and I was like, it's Friday night.
And I was like, look, he's wearing shorts.
It's October.
He's drinking a bottle of wine.
I'm probably not going to fight this fight.
There's no point.
Yeah, we were a partner.
We were going to sit down, and he just sat in my seat.
And I was like, what's going on?
I think you're sitting in my seat.
And he's like, don't worry about it, mate.
Just sit next to me.
And I was like, right, okay, fine.
Yeah, good.
What if someone else comes in, though?
Oh, no, it was fine.
It was actually fine.
And I knew that.
But he's just drinking
a bottle of wine
by himself
like out of the bottle
and he's wearing shorts
in October
and I was like
I don't
he's clearly mad
clearly mad
I think I speak
on behalf of everyone
listening when I say
you should have
fought him
should have fought him
you should have
just grabbed the bottle
of wine
in the UK
we're particularly
fastidious about
seat numbers and stuff
aren't we
like if you go watch
a football game
and say Italy,
no one gives a shit where you sit.
No.
Or any away match.
Yeah, just find a place.
Yeah.
But if you go to the cinema or the theatre or to watch a band where it's seating,
people are like, this is my seat.
Well, we'd bought the tickets, like, about half an hour before,
so I knew that we were fine because there was loads of seats free.
But I was just like...
But you chose those seats for a reason.
Well, no.
It was a bank of three premier seats
that are a little bit more girthy
with a bit more leg room
like you're on a flight.
But he's like...
And then halfway through,
Sarah's got a terrible cough at the moment
because she's got that horrible cold
that everyone's got.
She starts coughing and he goes,
Oh, COVID!
Did he?
During the middle of the Bond film.
Did he really?
Shut up, mate.
Did he really? Yeah., mate. Did he really?
Yeah.
What did you do when...
Put some trousers on, you pervert.
There's always a frisson in the cinema
when someone is making a noise, right?
And then someone else tells them to shut up.
I love it because I like to see
what's going to happen when you leave.
No one does anything.
The lights go down.
It's anonymous.
The rules change, baby.
When the lights come up again
and people have to
leave together,
there's always a frisson
of tension in the air.
It never really
spills over, does it?
No, but when it does,
I imagine it's spectacular.
Would you shush
someone in the cinema?
If they were doing it
constantly, yeah.
I'd tell them,
like mobile phones,
anything like that,
I would pretty much, I think, yeah.
But not...
What would you do? How would you do it?
But I think you've got to understand that at the end of the day,
you're in a dark, quiet room with, like, 100 other people.
There's going to be a certain level of noise.
There are certain...
What's acceptable and what isn't, though?
What?
What's acceptable and what isn't?
This cough.
That's all you get, and you get one of them an hour. Yeah. That's... and what isn't? This cough. That's all you get
and you get one of them
an hour.
Yeah.
You get two of those
an hour.
Yeah.
You can have three
of them an hour.
Okay.
So there's your three coughs.
Mobile phone,
I'll give you a pass
if you've got to turn it off
but it shouldn't have
more than one.
If you've got
an angle towards your leg
and you're trying
to do something like
turn it on to silent
or check the babysitter
or something like that,
I think that's absolutely fine.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
But if you're just texting,
I mean, that's just a six trick.
And does your etiquette change
depending on the type of film
you're watching?
Yeah.
If it's Fast and Furious...
Don't give a shit.
You can scream.
You can just scream at the...
Scream constantly through
because it's Fast and Furious.
You can scream if you want
to go faster, baby.
But if it's a French art house flick,
which I'm always down there watching French art house flicks.
I bet you are, yeah.
In Southend, audience.
That's what you're telling your partner.
I also think if it's like an Ari Aster type
building slowly psychological horror,
I don't want to be taken out of that.
Right.
Everything that every noise or shit behaviour want to be taken out of that. Right. Everything,
everything that every
noise or shit behavior
just punctures the
building of tension.
You've got to start
from the beginning again.
It's like,
it's like going for a
video game and not
saving.
Yeah.
You have to start
right from scratch again
because the tension
has been broken.
If it's a comedy,
like a knockabout
comedy,
I don't really care.
Right.
I'm cool with it.
Do you know what I like?
This is going to sound
outrageous,
but I'm just going to
say it.
I don't like
any human being
under the age of 18
being in a cinema
yeah you think
unless I'm in their territory
unless I'm taking my niece
to watch a kids film
or something
right okay yeah
there was a kid
watching the Bond movie
and bear in mind
I've always sat through
the fucking thing once
in the second showing
he kept getting up
and going out
and coming back again
about five or six times
now unless that young man
has got some kind of IBS,
there's no reason,
his parents need to say to him,
sit the fuck down,
shut up.
Because you're watching a movie,
we're in the cinema now,
it annoys me.
I've talked about this before,
I've talked about the way that,
again,
another sweeping generalisation,
the way that middle class parents
don't ever tell their kids off
just pisses me off.
I have had,
recently,
and I can't go into details.
You are going to.
I'll be pressing you on this.
I've had like 17 children
visit the house recently,
it feels like.
And there was one particular child.
The one who left Skidmark?
That I found.
No.
There was one particular child
that was very badly behaved
and I was like,
I'm usually alright with kids
but you are particularly badly behaved.
What kind of behaviour were they exhibiting?
Just, I can't go into it,
but they're badly.
Just say one thing.
Just fucking badly.
Just say one thing they did.
Knock me out of the house.
I like him more now.
I like him more now, yeah.
That's technically a prank.
Yeah, it is actually actually that's hijinks
that comes under hijinks
officially I think
yeah
because they know
why are you being like this
I said to her
what I like
him
them
what I like about this
is they've tapped into
some deeply rooted
psychological issues
because you've locked yourself
out of the house famously
a number of times
so they think
oh he likes doing this
yeah
he likes this
this is one big joke
he'd probably be on the rollercoaster
don't worry about it
anyway
that's a little intro to Monday
let's take a break
when we come back
we will do
some of your emails
and so many of you
have got in touch
you know what
Pete Donaldson's done such a good job
with the email inbox this week
that I haven't even looked at it
oh
and that is the first time
I think I've ever said that
we'll see if that one
pans out when we read it
I suppose yeah so let's let's have a break and when we said that we'll see how that one pans out when we read it I suppose
yeah so let's
have a break
and when we come back
we'll get stuck into those
don't go anywhere
hello I'm Hazel Hayes
and I'm Sheehan Todd
and welcome to our
brand new podcast
we're not fucking historians
it sounds like I'm saying
we're not fucking historians
yeah we're saying
we're not experts
we're not historians ourselves
not that we're not
having sex with historians
no historians getting
fucked on this pod
zero historians getting fucked on this pod.
Zero historians getting fucked on this podcast.
We are, in fact, your alternative guide to Irish history.
Every week we prize open the history books and find a new tale from the Emerald Isle's colourful past.
We're exploring Ireland's traditions, its rich heritage
and its long, proud history of being invaded
by literally anyone with a boat.
The Vikings were showing up at the monastery going, where's that booty?
The earliest booty call.
It's the booty call you didn't want.
50 Scandinavian Vikings showed up.
Or our biggest celeb, St Paddy.
He says he prayed up to 100 times a day and sometimes during the night.
That's what a five-year-old would say. I've prayed 100 times a day and sometimes during the night that's what a 5 year old would say I prayed 100 times I swear
Patrick also said he was fastest in his slippers
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if like us you're the kind of person
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but not so interested that you'd go
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then this is the show for you.
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my squad is like a box of chocolates
weird that
too good
I went into it too well
this is the Luke and Pete show
I'm Pete Donaldson
if you would like to get in touch
with the show
or us if you just want to tell in touch with the show or us,
if you just want to tell us a story
that's not for broadcast,
you can also do that.
Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com
Sorry, what would be the point of that?
Sorry?
What would be the point of that?
No chat.
Make everyone feel better.
Are you asking for emails
surreptitiously about Gibbons again?
Are you doggone saying about Gibbons?
Gibbon.
Gibbon boys.
Come on Gibbon boys.
Hello at Gibbonshow.com
Give me the Gibbons.
I got a message from
Callum
hello Callum
hello to the Luke and Pete
and hello to the
Pete and the Luke
long time listener
second time emailer
I never got read out
but I'm not going to split hairs
you are
you're literally doing that
and I think you may have
misspelt split hairs
doesn't he
no
split hairs
is that how you spell it
splitting hairs
is the actual hair
oh is that right
okay fair
I'm currently catching up
on the pods whilst working and I've recently gotten the episode regarding parents and teachers being
paranoid about drugs and wanted to give you the story about my school life so here we go the year
is 2006 and a young bright-eyed callum is sat in english class the doors open uh all the kids turn
to see a stern-faced deputy head uh teacher asking can i see your bag please callum so i step out of
class to the, ooh.
That is always terrifying.
Have you heard that happen to you?
No, I've never had anything naughty in my bag.
I once, there was a kid at my school called Brian Duncan.
If you're listening, Brian, I hope you're well.
You're certainly not listening.
He was really into cricket.
Right.
And we were kind of into cricket as well.
One of my friends, and can I just say, it wasn't me.
One of my friends passed a rumour around that, it wasn't me. One of my friends
passed a rumour around
that Brian Duncan
only played cricket
because he liked to put
the one the cricket
stumps up his bum.
We were about fucking 12
at the time.
And he went fucking mad
about that.
Got the arsehole.
And I had to get called in
to see the head of year
because I was part of the group
that was someone who said it.
I remember just being terrified.
I remember just walking
towards the head of year,
Mrs. Smith.
She was insane. And some other kid who I hardly know went, are you Luke? And I was like being terrifying. I remember just walking towards the head of year, Mrs. Smith, she was insane.
And some other kid
who I hardly know went,
are you Luke?
And I was like, yeah.
And he just went,
you're up for suspension.
I was thinking,
how do you know?
Your head's for the block, sunshine.
How do you know, mate?
Yeah.
He'd never even spoken to me before.
Anyway, so it's terrifying
when someone,
I feel for Callum here,
someone comes in and says,
can I see your bag, please, Callum?
Especially if he's been up to no good,
which I suspect he probably has
given away the email. Well, it says, can I see your bag, please, Callum? Especially if he's been up to no good, which I suspect he probably has,
given the way the email's been.
Well, it says, look, it says,
you know, I've been led to believe
that you have some class A drugs on your purse.
What?
Class A?
That's what the deputy head says.
Wow.
As you can imagine,
Callum is suitably shitting himself.
Even though I've done nothing wrong,
says Callum.
So we go through the contents of my bag.
We proceed to take out
both my blue and purple inhaler
and the deputy head
says I think I've
seen enough
put your stuff back
and walks away
never to this day
I did figure out
why I was picked
and I guess I never
will because as I
found out while
writing this
the teacher is dead
now
hope that gives you
a laugh
keep up the good work
and your show is the
highlight of my week
Callum
still ripped the tits on class A drugs it seems because he finds this podcast alluring I hope that gives you a laugh. Keep up the good work and your show's the highlight of my week, Callum.
He's still ripped the tits on class A drugs, it seems,
because he finds this podcast alluring.
Yeah, maybe.
Peter, if someone went into your bag and stole your inhaler while you were at school,
would that be debilitating for you?
No, I reckon I'd roll with those particular punches.
You wouldn't be scared, no?
I wouldn't be scared, no.
No, because you need it, right?
Everyone needs it.
And what's the blue and the
purple one
what's that all
about
I reckon the
blue one's
probably preventative
like a Ventolin
or maybe a
Pomacort
yeah
and purple
oh dealer's
choice could be
an Intel
if it was the
80s
could have been
a
alright
Brickanillin
probably a
Brickanill
what's that
variant
Brickanill's a
it opens the
tubes so to
speak it
relaxes the
when asthmatics. It's like poppers.
It's like amyl. Yeah it's like
upper respiratory amyl.
Right okay. And have you
do you partake in both or?
Well amyl. No. Oh right. Both inhalers.
Yes. Yes I do.
Okay good. I didn't really think about that for some reason.
Fair enough.
I'm just thinking what's in my bag. I do. Okay, good. I didn't really think about that for some reason. I don't know why. Fair enough. I don't know why.
I'm just thinking what's in my bag.
I do have two inhalers,
the logbook for my car.
Oh, I think if the deputy had asked to send you back today,
you'd be in big trouble, mate.
An Apple mouse,
a lot of antacids,
dust,
probably some contact lenses.
Can I just ask,
what do you use antacids for?
Because if I have a meal and I'm sat on the sofa
and I start watching a movie
I do get quite a lot of
burps
yeah
is that what antacids are for
I imagine it would
probably help the burps
I suppose
to a certain extent
because I guess the burps
is just your
stomach acids
breaking down the food
and releasing energy
and releasing gas
isn't it
so
but as long as it's not
like
as long as the bile isn't
kind of rising up. It's not acid or
anything, no. Oh, don't worry about that.
I won't. It'll probably increase the burps if anything.
Would it? That's not what I want.
No, that's not what you want.
Listen, thanks very much for getting in touch, Callum.
There's another email in here. Stay in school.
Email about Coke Zero. Now, because as I've already
said, Pete did the emails, he hasn't included their name.
So, I don't know who they are,
but let's get a Coke Zero update from me.
So I went back to the staff canteen last week
after I told you guys all about
what happened to Coke Zero Diet Coke thing.
It was, and I'm kind of treating it as a small victory
because it was another new employee there,
but it was a different one.
Right.
And I went up and
said i can have a dark coke please and she said we don't have any and i said okay what have you
got instead and she said coke zero and i said i don't really want a coke zero she went okay yeah
no worries so she a colleague of the aforementioned antagonist, acknowledged that they were different.
Right.
So it's clearly not a team-wide problem.
They're not in the pocket of a big caller.
But at the same time,
they didn't actually have any Diet Cokes.
Right.
So at the very best,
they're probably agnostic about the existence,
which is disappointing.
But anyway,
whoever this email is,
got in touch about Coke Zero,
hello to you.
They say,
on the Coke Zero topic,
not long after it first came out,
I went for dinner
at a well-known chicken place
with my boss
and a colleague
who was leaving.
My boss had about
four glasses of Coke Zero
and my colleague
asked if the meal
was too spicy.
She said no,
but it was a rare treat
to have caffeine-free Coke
when out.
She used to drink
loads of coffee
and stopped it.
It was causing issues.
So now it just has
one caffeine drink a day.
Uh-oh.
Me and the colleague
looked at each other
and as they were leaving
I let them explain
it had caffeine in it
and we showed her
the ingredients online
the following day
I asked her if she had slept
and she said it was
the worst night's sleep
in years
and she still had a headache
with Coke Zero it's odd
they now make packaging
look very similar
to regular Coke
which as a diabetic
makes me double check
and there's been an issue
on click and collect
in the past
so actually
there's a semi-serious
point in that.
It was Scott Keith,
by the way.
Thank you very much to you, Scott.
If I'd known your name before,
I wouldn't have read it
because I simply do not trust a man
with two, four names
for a name.
A little more.
Scott Keith.
Scott Keith.
But, joking aside,
is that a concern for diabetics?
They do look very similar.
Yes.
If you get in click and collect,
people are going to chuck
the wrong order in before you know it. If you're getting click and collect, people are going to chuck the wrong order in.
Before you know it,
if you're not very
fastidious with the
packaging checking,
you could be nailing
sugar without realising.
That's what I'd call
my insulin pen,
the click and collect,
because you've got
to click it.
You don't want to
stab yourself with
the old Mr. Pointy End.
Click and collect.
Yeah, click and collect.
Collect that sweet insulin.
Yeah, click, collect.
They're trying to
make insulin free or close to free.
There's some hackers in America.
They're trying to come up with a way of creating free or very, very cheap insulin.
Right.
Kind of make it a public domain version of insulin.
Because obviously insulin is like 70 quid a pop in America.
And obviously that goes off your deductibles and all that stuff.
And a lot of people don't have access,
which is,
I mean,
wouldn't get into it,
but let's not get into it.
It's ridiculous.
So people are trying to almost kind of make a public domain version of insulin,
which is a great thing.
That is a really great project.
I would support that wholeheartedly.
I'd also say that any kind of condition like that,
you have to,
at least as a society be striving towards
not making people have to pay for that.
Yes.
And the NHS do that kind of stuff pretty well overall.
My experience with the NHS recently had an issue with my knee.
And even in these COVID times,
I mean, it was absolutely ridiculous how quick it was.
I went in there, got the assessment,
got referred for a scan. The scan was about three weeks later. Just like a knee thing. I went in there, got the assessment, got referred for a scan.
The scan was about
three weeks later.
Just like a knee thing.
I can still walk and everything.
It wasn't even urgent.
But look,
that's the thing though,
isn't it?
Your stories,
these stories aren't
interesting, are they?
It's the,
I waited seven years
for an eyelash
manipulation.
Who is this saying this?
I don't know.
It's always like,
everyone just complains
about how they've had
to wait a long time
to see a doctor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Most people
We all do.
You do get a group of people
who go to see a doctor
when they don't need to.
Yeah.
Now the wife I have access to
would argue that
I don't go often enough.
And I understand
it's slightly different
depending on different
situations you're in.
But I don't feel like
I need to go.
I'll have a checkup every year
right what you pop in and
go hello can you give me a
check wait when you hit 40
with the NHS you get a free
one do you yeah I haven't
gone for mine yet you should
Jesus because I mean I
might have to book out the
afternoon for you but you
should but the idea that
people go when they
shouldn't do is really
really damaging to the NHS
but that's not what I was
gonna make the point I was
gonna make was something
like insulin it's surely there's the NHS. But that's not the point I was going to make. The point I was going to make was something like insulin,
surely the issue there is that
it's actually very cheaply manufactured anyway.
It's just people are scalping it
and making it really, really expensive
when it doesn't need to be, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's wrong.
It is wrong.
I also think it's wrong that,
I'm not trying to say this to sound right on or whatever,
I also think it's wrong that
people have to pay for like sanitary products and stuff.
That's bullshit.
But,
yeah,
I mean,
things are moving
in the right direction
from that.
Yeah,
no,
it's mental.
Absolutely mental.
Yeah,
because it's,
I mean,
fucking hell.
Let's move into
the 21st century,
can we please,
guys?
Yes,
please.
I mean,
there's not even been
a good film made
over the last 20 years.
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
Pete,
that's probably about
as much time
as we've got for Monday.
Thank you very much to Keith.
Thank you very much to Callum. Thanks, Keith and. Yeah. Thank you very much to Keith. Thank you very much to Callum.
Thanks, Keith and Callum.
Thank you very much to the projectionist at the... KC and the Sunshine Boys.
Picture House West Norwood as well.
I am going to name and shame him
because you've named my father-in-law today.
Sorry.
So I'm going to name and shame him.
He was suggested as a follow on Instagram,
but I didn't feel bold enough to do so.
Why?
He would absolutely love it.
Okay.
He's a big fan of yours.
All right, then. He bought you a T-shirt last time he came in. He did, yeah. I still got Okay. He's a big fan of yours. All right then.
He bought you a t-shirt last time he came in.
He did, yeah.
I've still got it.
Was that a NASA t-shirt?
Yeah, I've still got that.
Yeah.
I've not got paint on it yet.
Is it one of the,
because what's happened with me
is since lockdown
it's just too small for me.
No, NASA's one
is one of the few
I can actually wear.
Why don't you wear it
more often?
Why don't you wear it
more often?
Why don't you lie
under a bushel?
Sorry, I'd get dressed
very early
and I have to do it quietly
because everyone's in bed
and I just choose the wrong clothes.
What's your routine in the morning, by the way?
What do you mean?
So you get up.
So I'll give you mine
to give you a little starter.
Alarm, when I'm coming in here first thing,
alarm 7.15, bang.
Right.
Up, feed the cats,
dressing gown on,
feed the cats,
make some porridge,
normally with blueberries, but some kind of fruit with it,
eat that, then get my
clothes ready, brush my teeth,
shower, dressed,
leave the house as close
to 8 o'clock as I can to get the 8.12 train.
That's my routine on the working day
when I'm coming in first thing. Talk to me
about yours, because I reckon yours might be different.
6.30.
Lola the dog
will wake me up
and just start dancing
in the room.
Same time every morning?
Like clockwork?
Set your watch by her?
No, no.
It varies.
But sometimes it's
2 o'clock in the morning
and you look at the clock
and you go,
yes, I've still got
some sleeping to do.
Which is,
go for a piss.
Or it'll be like 6.30 and I'll be getting up in a quarter of an hour. And I'll be like, sleeping to do which is go for a piss and or
it'll be like 6.30
and I'll be getting up
in a quarter of an hour
and I'll be like
well there's no point
in that isn't there
it happened this morning
with the other dog
that just decided
to be sick everywhere
and so
that was me
and then
I hadn't really
wiped it up properly
because I got my foot in it
before I got to the shower
barefoot
barefoot
what room was it in
I'd managed to cajole him
into the bathroom,
which is at least wiped clean,
but I didn't wipe it up properly.
So I had a dog sick on my foot
and then get in the shower,
you know,
testicles,
underarm,
bit of shampoo
and conditioner mixed together,
brush the teeth
and then I'm pretty much done.
And then I'm just sort of like,
and then... So you mix the shampoo and the conditioner in one hand?
No, it's just...
Oh, so it's a combined product?
Yeah.
Then it's into the spare bedroom
where my partner
has usually opened the blinds so that I turn the
light on. I'm completely Billy Bollocks and everyone
can see me.
I don't know why that keeps happening.
And then, yeah,
I get ready,
wear,
just grab the quickest clothes I can,
put my hair into a ponytail
because that's what my life's become.
Like Terry Silver.
And then it's just straight.
And then it's just,
if Laura's up,
she's either already been fed
or she needs being fed then.
And then it's into the car
for a two hour
two and a quarter hour
drive to work
what's Buckley doing
in all this
the other dog
you have access to
he's not been mentioned
he's pissing in the bed
to be honest
he's just
wheezed
now
he's just not
he's 14
yeah but you shouldn't
be letting him
wee in the bed
should you
he's got waterproof
sheets
oh not your bed
his bed
no he's sat on my bed
weeing on his waterproof sheets oh not your bed his bed no he sat on my bed weeing on his
waterproof sheets
he'll sleep
nowhere else
it's a heartwarming tale
it is a heartwarming tale
it's just me
covered in dog piss
dog sick
yeah
and then yeah
it's off to work
every morning this
yeah every morning
yeah it's good
that's how I choose
to live my life
I'd love to hear about
our listeners morning routine if it's a little bit different maybe to live my life. I'd love to hear about our listeners' morning routine.
If it's a little bit different,
maybe you do something in a strange order.
You know, one of the biggest issues I had
with the James Bond movie,
this is not a plot spoiler,
very, very...
At no point does he have dogs stick on his foot.
We can't guarantee that.
But at one point,
when he's living out in that amazing house
in, I think, Jamaica,
he's having an outdoor shower,
which is great,
in the jungle or whatever
and he's brushing his teeth
at the same time
with a very old fashioned
looking toothbrush
yeah
I just don't think
he would do that
he's not an electric toothbrush man
but Bond wouldn't do that
he would
he's not got
listen he's retired
he's not pushed for time
why are you brushing your teeth
at the same time
as having a shower
does it
yeah
yeah
all I heard from that
bloody film was like
oh that Ana de Armas
woman
she needed to
be in the film more
and it was like
and it was
it just makes you
sort of go
like
did you watch the
different film
because I didn't find
her character in any way
interesting
oh you're odd
you're odd
yeah show it off
she was excellent
wasn't she
she was excellent
she was excellent
the excellent Ana de Armas
yeah
if you've got a morning routine worthy she was Amas. Yeah. If you've got a morning routine
worthy of...
She was a bled runner.
She was.
She was as well, yeah.
If you've got a morning routine
worthy of letting us know about,
it's hello at lukeandpeatshow.com
or at lukeandpeatshow on Twitter.
I actually posted on Instagram
yesterday as well.
Hot dog.
Just to let people know
how we're getting on.
Hot fucking dog.
So check that out as well.
Get in touch.
We'd love to hear from you.
This has been Monday's episode of the Luke and Pete show.
You've been very welcome along,
and we have been very, very pleased to chat to you.
We'll speak to you again on Thursday,
where we'll do some more of this.
We'll do some battery brand,
and we'll get through a few more of your emails as well.
So we're looking forward to that.
See you again soon.
Lots of love.
Take care of yourselves and each other,
and speak then.
Bye-bye. Lots of love. Take care of yourselves and each other and speak then. Bye bye.