The Luke and Pete Show - New Rave Roller Coasters

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

Happy Monday! Welcome back to another half an hour with The Luke and The Pete. This time around we talk James Bond, which naturally leads into a chat about cinema etiquette and what level and frequenc...y of cough Pete deems acceptable in the movie theatre. There's also more tales from listeners about their school's approach to whatever non-existent drug problem existed at the time and we spend what feels like a lot of minutes talking about morning routines. What's yours? Let us know: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 It's Monday the 18th of October well done for making it this far this is the Luke and Pete Show I'm Pete Donaldson I'm joined by Luke Moore Luke Aaron Moore Luke Aaron Marmaduke Fairfax Moore
Starting point is 00:00:19 and we're back with another show The studio needs an Aaron The studio needs an Aaron it does yeah Time for another half an hour of magic, Pete. Yeah. Did you bring any magic? Because I haven't.
Starting point is 00:00:28 We're 11 minutes ahead of schedule on the record time as well. Pleases me, that. It's in my other trousers, to be quite frank. You do wear magician's trousers. I do, yeah. But they look like magician's trousers, but they're not baggy enough to conceal the conceit. Any tricks.
Starting point is 00:00:42 Yeah, the conceit. These are pockets in this Koopals trouser. Oh, you go Koopals, do you? No, I just really want, there was, it was the guy who sang, Devendra Banhart, the singer. He was one of the Koopals. You know, they get like handsome and quite stylish looking men and women who are actual legitimate couples
Starting point is 00:01:05 to kind of advertise their rather low rent stuff when you actually... Is it low rent? Well, it falls to pieces very easily, I find. But he was advertising like a brown suit that I really liked, quite skinny brown suit. And I managed to get on eBay like three years later
Starting point is 00:01:21 and it doesn't look very stylish. But the pockets are very very very narrow and small so Devendra Banhan he clearly doesn't carry a lot of money around with him. He's a bit of a hippie isn't he? He's a bit of a hippie yeah but he looks... What's he got in the pockets? A couple of leaves? A twig? If you put like a man who's quite hairy
Starting point is 00:01:37 into a suit it's a little bit like when they do those transformations for homeless men and they tell us that they're really handsome underneath and they've got beautiful... And they always give them an undercut. Like, that's... Hey, have you been on the street for 20 years? Well, let me give you a haircut
Starting point is 00:01:52 that's been around for 15 years. I didn't expect to hear Devendra Banhart's name mentioned today. It's the sort of man that was very... It's a little bit like mentioning Harmar Superstar, isn't it? Yeah. It's kind of like, what's that about? Yeah, exactly, yeah. of man that was very it's a little bit like mentioning Harmar Superstar isn't it yeah it's kind of like what's that ever yeah exactly
Starting point is 00:02:08 so it's a Devendra Banhart for those who are listening who don't know who he is folky hippie kind of type writes songs about
Starting point is 00:02:14 living in the woods and all that kind of crap and you know open the door to your heart and let love in and all that type of stuff who needs that
Starting point is 00:02:20 I think we all need a bit of that we probably could do with winding it back a little bit. Yeah. Let's bring New Rave back. Where's that come from?
Starting point is 00:02:28 Let's have some Paul Tiger tailing. Let's just take pills or something. I'm trying to explain to our listenership who may be blissfully unaware of Divenger Brandhart. And you're talking about New Rave. Now I'm talking about Paul Tiger tail. Imagine the opposite of New Rave. That's Divenger Brandhart.
Starting point is 00:02:40 That one song. Yeah, you're talking about Hadouken. Away in the swimming pool. Hadouken. Yeah. And the original, not the original, the definitive new rave artist. Hello, Klaxons. Hello, the Klaxons.
Starting point is 00:02:54 They were on the Brit Awards doing a song with fucking Rihanna. Now, what's she been up to recently? She is good as Rihanna. Say again? She is good as the original Rihanna? Well, Rihanna's not done anything for like four years or she's released any new music
Starting point is 00:03:08 for four or five years. Tough crowd. Tough crowd in here today. Fucking hell. What do you mean? Just taking aim. I'm just saying, the Klaxons are clearly
Starting point is 00:03:16 planning something, aren't they? This is recent, is it? What do you mean? You saw... No. First of all... They were on the Brit Awards like ten years ago. I don't think they're called the Klaxons. They're just called Klaxons. I think so. You reckon? No you saw, I don't know. First of all, they were on the Brit Awards like 10 years ago.
Starting point is 00:03:25 I don't think they're called the Klaxons. Oh, they're just called Klaxons. I think so. You reckon? No, I'm pretty sure of that.
Starting point is 00:03:29 Are you 100% of the world? I'm pretty sure of that. Okay, fine. Um, and, uh, I wasn't expecting to go anywhere
Starting point is 00:03:33 near this avenue of conversation today. Ooh, ah. Keep going. Keep going. This is great. golden scans.
Starting point is 00:03:41 One person who wasn't, do you know what I like about, um, popular, uh, artist and, uh, singer, songwriter, Adele, um, This is great. Golden scans. One person who hasn't... Do you know what I like about popular artist and singer-songwriter Adele? She just upends the system, man. What? She's like,
Starting point is 00:03:53 I ain't doing anything for five years. No one cares. No one stops loving her. Well, does she not just go on stage and do interviews? She sort of sings a beautiful love song and then goes, I've dropped my chips or something.
Starting point is 00:04:02 That's a kind of a shtick, isn't it? Very much so. Like she sings this beautiful... She lost a kind of a shtick isn't it very much so like she sings this beautiful she lost a lot of weight well just because you mentioned chips
Starting point is 00:04:10 I'm just saying she dropped a lot of chips she cannot keep hold of chips that woman what I like about I was just going to
Starting point is 00:04:17 say look she gives an interview to British Vogue first interview in five years only thing anyone else has heard of her since
Starting point is 00:04:23 in that last five years is a paparazzi shot on a long lens. Rumors of a divorce. Right. It's very old school mystique around a pop artist. Yes. And then she comes back, new album, bang, breaks the record for streaming on Spotify in a single day.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Is it already? Did she do like a boy and went, it's out tomorrow? Kind of. I think the single is called Easy on Me. I think it is. I think the album's called Easy On Me I think it is I think the album is about a divorce but what I'm saying is
Starting point is 00:04:48 sometimes less is more sometimes they don't need to be doing Instagram takeovers with you know just trying to think of someone with
Starting point is 00:04:57 you know Paddy McGuinness an Instagram takeover with Paddy McGuinness she doesn't need to be on Question of the Sport with Paddy McGuinness she doesn't need to go on
Starting point is 00:05:04 Love Island the extra one with Paddy McGuinness. She doesn't need to be on Question of Sport with Paddy McGuinness. No. She doesn't need to go on Love Island, the extra one. She doesn't need to go on Paddy McGuinness. Can I just say, you haven't... It sounds like she's single. You telling me to not have a go
Starting point is 00:05:14 at Paddy McGuinness is very rich. Yeah. He's one of your most hated men. No. I'm Josh Whittakin all day. I haven't... You're McGuinness.
Starting point is 00:05:21 I haven't kind of consumed enough McGuinness to be that annoyed about it, to be quite frank. There's very few people that I hate watch anymore.
Starting point is 00:05:30 That's the classic backhanded compliment though, isn't it? I never hate watch anymore. It's just not a thing I do. Listen guys, how
Starting point is 00:05:35 can I hate Paddy McGuinness when I've got no idea what he does? But Doctor, I am Paddy McGuinness. Maybe. Watch Take Me Out, you'll have a lovely time. But Doctor, I am Paddy McGuinness maybe watch watch Take Me Out
Starting point is 00:05:46 you'll have a lovely time but doctor I am Paddy McGuinness maybe the real win is the Paddy McGuinness as we met along the way anyway what did you get up to
Starting point is 00:05:55 the weekend Peter what did I get up to the weekend we I spent some time with my partner's friends and their children and
Starting point is 00:06:03 did you have access to them I've access to everybody in the house look if you're in and did you have access to them? I've access to everybody in the house look if you're in my house I've access to you yeah that's the deal went on
Starting point is 00:06:11 a couple of roller coasters alright I am physically or emotionally? physically I am I think I think I've been on a roller coaster
Starting point is 00:06:20 every week for the past month that's that's a good amount of roller coasters I would say you are hiding your light under a bushel there. Constant roller coasters. I know I say this about you a lot, and I hope this doesn't come across as unfair.
Starting point is 00:06:32 I think a man of your age repeatedly being seen on roller coasters could become a problem. I'm not seen on roller coasters. Too quick, baby. I'm gone. But I will say that I have become so accustomed to the speed and the g-forces
Starting point is 00:06:47 that I now can do a funny face or like the devil horn rock signs at the camera when it flashes the light have you completed
Starting point is 00:06:55 rollercoasters I've completed rollercoasters I'm like bang I did devil horns at the weekend which one's your favourite there's one at Southend the problem with Southend Pier
Starting point is 00:07:03 are those ones which is literally five minutes down the road so walk the dogs go on a rollercoaster come back what do they do
Starting point is 00:07:09 do you tie them up do you you what you just tie the dogs up to like a railing and get on the rollercoaster yeah you see a dog tied up
Starting point is 00:07:16 up to a shop yeah like that they can't go on them can they no I don't think so but yeah go on there
Starting point is 00:07:24 the problem with them is they they're very, very short. Even off-season, the actual rides, they should take you around twice, but they just go around once. And before the ride, they actually go, just to let you know, if you're comfortable with this, continue to ride. If not, feel free to turn around.
Starting point is 00:07:42 This ride only goes around once. And it's like like take them around twice it's off season no one's here don't worry about it yeah give them something to remember give them something
Starting point is 00:07:50 to remember mate yeah that's a much better market employ than the difficult message to deliver which is that you've got to get off now on this very short
Starting point is 00:07:58 rollercoaster but you know what Americans think that British theme parks and rollercoasters and shit are terrible the limb yeah I imagine
Starting point is 00:08:04 we haven't got the room. We haven't got the bloody room. Americans have got loads of room, haven't they? To spread out. Is that the only reason? With the big beds, the big houses, and the bigger roller coasters. I think that Americans understand that everything is the extension of the entertainment industry. Everything.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Everything. Whether it's going to the shop, whether it's politics. Or the lopital. Anything is the extension of the entertainment industry. So I went to go and see the new Bond film have you seen it? yes I have
Starting point is 00:08:29 yeah enjoy it? yeah there was if it was an hour and a half I would have enjoyed it yeah
Starting point is 00:08:36 it's just you know when people criticise the new Blade Runner film the Villeneuve yeah I haven't seen it but yeah I do know that it is
Starting point is 00:08:43 I think it's one of the best films released in the last 20 years I genuinely think it's beautiful I think it's wonderful let me just write this down hang on a minute it's just wonderful
Starting point is 00:08:51 last 20 years last 20 years so you're going all the way back to 2001 yeah because like last 20 years we've all had as fucking Marvel films
Starting point is 00:08:57 and films who's the guy who does all those kind of whimsical films Wes Anderson he's got another one coming out it's exactly the same
Starting point is 00:09:06 exactly the same what's Timothee Chalamet doing now is that Bill Murray of course it fucking is I like Wes Anderson but I know what you mean yeah yeah exactly
Starting point is 00:09:15 but yes it's just too long people criticise the Bill Murray film for being too long they are fucking wrong but they are right about this one
Starting point is 00:09:24 it's too bloody long hour and a half you've got an hour and a half do it sum up the last 20ber of a film for being too long they are fucking wrong but they are right about this one it's too bloody long hour and a half you've got an hour and a half do it sum up the last 20 years of cinema in a sentence then
Starting point is 00:09:30 what do you mean you're just saying Marvel Wes Anderson and a load of crap Pete Donaldson in a cinema looking into
Starting point is 00:09:37 Ryan Gosling's beautiful eyes I do think that if Ryan Gosling wants to seriously think about having a career as an actor he's going to have
Starting point is 00:09:44 to speak at some point so anyway I went to go see No Time to Die, he's going to have to speak at some point. So anyway, I went to go see No Time to Die. I'm not going to give you a plot spoiler. There's no time to die, Bond! My favourite piece of dialogue is when he said, Blofeld, do I have any time left to die? And Blofeld says, there is no time to die. Okay then.
Starting point is 00:10:02 But anyway, I won't spoil it because it's still in the cinema. It's still in the middle of its run so it's probably not fair to give one a plot point Mr Robot turns up and goes there's no time to die that's all it is I've got a mountain of things
Starting point is 00:10:13 I don't how do you get I've got no time to die yet anyway so Pete you've already mentioned the film's long yes
Starting point is 00:10:20 I think it clocks two hours thirty seven or whatever by the way the theme tune's good Billie Eilish very good oh yeah for some reason I thought it was Adele it's not it By the way, the theme tune's good. Billie Eilish, very good. Oh yeah, for some reason I thought it was Adele.
Starting point is 00:10:27 It's not. It is Billie Eilish, isn't it? Yeah, it's good. She did one before. But it's very... I like it when bands clearly were in the frame to do a Bond theme. They didn't get it, but they spent the money on the studio time, so they released it as a single.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Muse have done it. Pulp have done it. No problem with that. No problem with that. Listen, we will release anything here. But it sounds so much like Bond. It sounds too much like Bond. You've got to de-bond it
Starting point is 00:10:47 before you release it, unfortunately. I know what you mean. So maybe you have to kind of take some of the strings off or something. Yes, yes, yes. But Adele did a good one. I can't remember the Spectre one. The No Time to Die one with Billie Eilish
Starting point is 00:10:57 is very good. And I don't know if you felt the same, but the, you know, in the films, this is going to sound ridiculous, but you know what I mean. They have like an intro bit and they have the intro credits in the song this is going to sound ridiculous but you know what I mean they have like an intro bit and they have the intro credits
Starting point is 00:11:07 and the song and they did that in the Bond film quite late on but when it comes in there's a little interruption the graphics are fucking cool right anyway
Starting point is 00:11:17 so I'm watching the film with the wifi I have access to worrying about nanobots well yeah well yeah exactly and get about an hour and a half in so we're invested we've sat down we've gone through our popcorn I'm doing that nanobots. Well, yeah, exactly. And get about an hour and a half in. So we're invested.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Yeah. We sat down. We've gone through our popcorn. I'm doing that, trying not to do that thing at the bottom of a drink, you know, because I don't want to disturb anyone. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:35 And the film just stops. Just crashes. No, it doesn't. It's just as if someone's paused it. Right. I see a picture of Daniel Craig's massive old man ears and his bushy eyebrows. And he's just staring at me. And he's paused it. Right. I see a picture of Daniel Craig's massive old man ears and his bushy eyebrows.
Starting point is 00:11:46 And he's just staring at me. Yeah. And he's about 15 foot high. Yeah. And it starts again for a bit and it stops again. Right. And it starts and it stops. And this goes on for about 10 minutes.
Starting point is 00:11:53 And the projectionist is sat on the remote. There's no projectionist because it's all fucking automated these days, isn't it? Which is annoying. Is it though? Even at the picture house, it's all digitally done automatically so no one knows what's happening.
Starting point is 00:12:02 You've still got a picture guy. You've still got a guy who looks after them all. Yeah, but he doesn't know what's happening. He doesn't know what's happening digitally done automatically so no one knows what's happening you've still got a picture guy you've still got a guy who looks after them all yeah but he doesn't know what's happening he doesn't know what's happening anyway
Starting point is 00:12:08 so the point being there should be an alarm really that goes the film has stopped the film stops and so we're going alright well I don't want to carry on
Starting point is 00:12:15 watching it in this way stop stop stop and I don't want to spoil myself so what are we going to do eventually anyway the film's already three hours long
Starting point is 00:12:23 it doesn't need to be longer tell me about it right so we leave and go get the refund right and as we're getting the refund they're like sorry about that yeah fucking
Starting point is 00:12:32 everyone's left so sorry here's a refund give us a refund I look over the shoulder of the woman working there and there's another showing that's an hour behind right
Starting point is 00:12:41 so I say to the wife I have access to get the refund. Go around the side of the desk and we'll go to screen number one because we were in screen number two and we'll fucking settle in. So we go around to screen number one.
Starting point is 00:12:54 No one stops us and sit in. So does Larry know that you're taking her daughter into a life of crime? That was an odd sentence. He's taking her daughter. I was thinking have I doxed your wife so anyway
Starting point is 00:13:09 Larry won't Larry knows the kind of guy I am yeah that's all I'm saying does he mind listen we entered that cinema in good faith
Starting point is 00:13:16 you're getting your pound of flesh so we got back into the cinema and it was about 15 minutes in and we had to watch the whole thing so basically I spent I think working it out you have made it longer about 15 minutes in and we had to watch the whole thing so basically I spent I think working it out
Starting point is 00:13:26 you have made it longer then haven't you I think we spent 4 hours 40 minutes watching Bond yeah and I was just desperate
Starting point is 00:13:33 to get to the bit that I hadn't seen yeah and you do start to notice things that you didn't notice the first time around a couple of jokes you know
Starting point is 00:13:40 a couple of little god Jesus Christ you missed some of the jocks the first time around I'm just saying I'm not great on the attention span so anyway
Starting point is 00:13:48 the point being I watched No Time to Die twice on Sunday for no fault of my own and it was fine it was fine absolutely fine it was perfectly serviceable
Starting point is 00:13:57 when we got we went to Southend Cinema and the and there was a man in our seats and I was like, right, fine.
Starting point is 00:14:06 I really, I hate that. That must be terrible for you. What's going on here? And he was like going, you guys just sit there. I had a hot dog and a big thing of Coca-Cola and I was like, it's Friday night. And I was like, look, he's wearing shorts.
Starting point is 00:14:20 It's October. He's drinking a bottle of wine. I'm probably not going to fight this fight. There's no point. Yeah, we were a partner. We were going to sit down, and he just sat in my seat. And I was like, what's going on? I think you're sitting in my seat.
Starting point is 00:14:33 And he's like, don't worry about it, mate. Just sit next to me. And I was like, right, okay, fine. Yeah, good. What if someone else comes in, though? Oh, no, it was fine. It was actually fine. And I knew that.
Starting point is 00:14:44 But he's just drinking a bottle of wine by himself like out of the bottle and he's wearing shorts in October and I was like I don't
Starting point is 00:14:51 he's clearly mad clearly mad I think I speak on behalf of everyone listening when I say you should have fought him should have fought him
Starting point is 00:14:58 you should have just grabbed the bottle of wine in the UK we're particularly fastidious about seat numbers and stuff aren't we
Starting point is 00:15:03 like if you go watch a football game and say Italy, no one gives a shit where you sit. No. Or any away match. Yeah, just find a place. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:10 But if you go to the cinema or the theatre or to watch a band where it's seating, people are like, this is my seat. Well, we'd bought the tickets, like, about half an hour before, so I knew that we were fine because there was loads of seats free. But I was just like... But you chose those seats for a reason. Well, no. It was a bank of three premier seats
Starting point is 00:15:28 that are a little bit more girthy with a bit more leg room like you're on a flight. But he's like... And then halfway through, Sarah's got a terrible cough at the moment because she's got that horrible cold that everyone's got.
Starting point is 00:15:37 She starts coughing and he goes, Oh, COVID! Did he? During the middle of the Bond film. Did he really? Shut up, mate. Did he really? Yeah., mate. Did he really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:46 What did you do when... Put some trousers on, you pervert. There's always a frisson in the cinema when someone is making a noise, right? And then someone else tells them to shut up. I love it because I like to see what's going to happen when you leave. No one does anything.
Starting point is 00:16:03 The lights go down. It's anonymous. The rules change, baby. When the lights come up again and people have to leave together, there's always a frisson of tension in the air.
Starting point is 00:16:12 It never really spills over, does it? No, but when it does, I imagine it's spectacular. Would you shush someone in the cinema? If they were doing it constantly, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:20 I'd tell them, like mobile phones, anything like that, I would pretty much, I think, yeah. But not... What would you do? How would you do it? But I think you've got to understand that at the end of the day, you're in a dark, quiet room with, like, 100 other people.
Starting point is 00:16:36 There's going to be a certain level of noise. There are certain... What's acceptable and what isn't, though? What? What's acceptable and what isn't? This cough. That's all you get, and you get one of them an hour. Yeah. That's... and what isn't? This cough. That's all you get and you get one of them
Starting point is 00:16:45 an hour. Yeah. You get two of those an hour. Yeah. You can have three of them an hour. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:52 So there's your three coughs. Mobile phone, I'll give you a pass if you've got to turn it off but it shouldn't have more than one. If you've got an angle towards your leg
Starting point is 00:17:01 and you're trying to do something like turn it on to silent or check the babysitter or something like that, I think that's absolutely fine. Yeah, okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:10 But if you're just texting, I mean, that's just a six trick. And does your etiquette change depending on the type of film you're watching? Yeah. If it's Fast and Furious... Don't give a shit.
Starting point is 00:17:19 You can scream. You can just scream at the... Scream constantly through because it's Fast and Furious. You can scream if you want to go faster, baby. But if it's a French art house flick, which I'm always down there watching French art house flicks.
Starting point is 00:17:33 I bet you are, yeah. In Southend, audience. That's what you're telling your partner. I also think if it's like an Ari Aster type building slowly psychological horror, I don't want to be taken out of that. Right. Everything that every noise or shit behaviour want to be taken out of that. Right. Everything,
Starting point is 00:17:45 everything that every noise or shit behavior just punctures the building of tension. You've got to start from the beginning again. It's like, it's like going for a
Starting point is 00:17:52 video game and not saving. Yeah. You have to start right from scratch again because the tension has been broken. If it's a comedy,
Starting point is 00:17:57 like a knockabout comedy, I don't really care. Right. I'm cool with it. Do you know what I like? This is going to sound outrageous,
Starting point is 00:18:03 but I'm just going to say it. I don't like any human being under the age of 18 being in a cinema yeah you think unless I'm in their territory
Starting point is 00:18:11 unless I'm taking my niece to watch a kids film or something right okay yeah there was a kid watching the Bond movie and bear in mind I've always sat through
Starting point is 00:18:16 the fucking thing once in the second showing he kept getting up and going out and coming back again about five or six times now unless that young man has got some kind of IBS,
Starting point is 00:18:26 there's no reason, his parents need to say to him, sit the fuck down, shut up. Because you're watching a movie, we're in the cinema now, it annoys me. I've talked about this before,
Starting point is 00:18:35 I've talked about the way that, again, another sweeping generalisation, the way that middle class parents don't ever tell their kids off just pisses me off. I have had, recently,
Starting point is 00:18:45 and I can't go into details. You are going to. I'll be pressing you on this. I've had like 17 children visit the house recently, it feels like. And there was one particular child. The one who left Skidmark?
Starting point is 00:18:59 That I found. No. There was one particular child that was very badly behaved and I was like, I'm usually alright with kids but you are particularly badly behaved. What kind of behaviour were they exhibiting?
Starting point is 00:19:14 Just, I can't go into it, but they're badly. Just say one thing. Just fucking badly. Just say one thing they did. Knock me out of the house. I like him more now. I like him more now, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:23 That's technically a prank. Yeah, it is actually actually that's hijinks that comes under hijinks officially I think yeah because they know why are you being like this I said to her
Starting point is 00:19:32 what I like him them what I like about this is they've tapped into some deeply rooted psychological issues because you've locked yourself
Starting point is 00:19:39 out of the house famously a number of times so they think oh he likes doing this yeah he likes this this is one big joke he'd probably be on the rollercoaster
Starting point is 00:19:46 don't worry about it anyway that's a little intro to Monday let's take a break when we come back we will do some of your emails and so many of you
Starting point is 00:19:55 have got in touch you know what Pete Donaldson's done such a good job with the email inbox this week that I haven't even looked at it oh and that is the first time I think I've ever said that
Starting point is 00:20:02 we'll see if that one pans out when we read it I suppose yeah so let's let's have a break and when we said that we'll see how that one pans out when we read it I suppose yeah so let's have a break and when we come back we'll get stuck into those don't go anywhere
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Starting point is 00:22:25 hello Callum hello to the Luke and Pete and hello to the Pete and the Luke long time listener second time emailer I never got read out but I'm not going to split hairs
Starting point is 00:22:33 you are you're literally doing that and I think you may have misspelt split hairs doesn't he no split hairs is that how you spell it
Starting point is 00:22:40 splitting hairs is the actual hair oh is that right okay fair I'm currently catching up on the pods whilst working and I've recently gotten the episode regarding parents and teachers being paranoid about drugs and wanted to give you the story about my school life so here we go the year is 2006 and a young bright-eyed callum is sat in english class the doors open uh all the kids turn
Starting point is 00:22:57 to see a stern-faced deputy head uh teacher asking can i see your bag please callum so i step out of class to the, ooh. That is always terrifying. Have you heard that happen to you? No, I've never had anything naughty in my bag. I once, there was a kid at my school called Brian Duncan. If you're listening, Brian, I hope you're well. You're certainly not listening.
Starting point is 00:23:16 He was really into cricket. Right. And we were kind of into cricket as well. One of my friends, and can I just say, it wasn't me. One of my friends passed a rumour around that, it wasn't me. One of my friends passed a rumour around that Brian Duncan only played cricket
Starting point is 00:23:28 because he liked to put the one the cricket stumps up his bum. We were about fucking 12 at the time. And he went fucking mad about that. Got the arsehole.
Starting point is 00:23:35 And I had to get called in to see the head of year because I was part of the group that was someone who said it. I remember just being terrified. I remember just walking towards the head of year, Mrs. Smith.
Starting point is 00:23:44 She was insane. And some other kid who I hardly know went, are you Luke? And I was like being terrifying. I remember just walking towards the head of year, Mrs. Smith, she was insane. And some other kid who I hardly know went, are you Luke? And I was like, yeah. And he just went, you're up for suspension. I was thinking,
Starting point is 00:23:53 how do you know? Your head's for the block, sunshine. How do you know, mate? Yeah. He'd never even spoken to me before. Anyway, so it's terrifying when someone, I feel for Callum here,
Starting point is 00:24:00 someone comes in and says, can I see your bag, please, Callum? Especially if he's been up to no good, which I suspect he probably has given away the email. Well, it says, can I see your bag, please, Callum? Especially if he's been up to no good, which I suspect he probably has, given the way the email's been. Well, it says, look, it says, you know, I've been led to believe
Starting point is 00:24:10 that you have some class A drugs on your purse. What? Class A? That's what the deputy head says. Wow. As you can imagine, Callum is suitably shitting himself. Even though I've done nothing wrong,
Starting point is 00:24:20 says Callum. So we go through the contents of my bag. We proceed to take out both my blue and purple inhaler and the deputy head says I think I've seen enough put your stuff back
Starting point is 00:24:28 and walks away never to this day I did figure out why I was picked and I guess I never will because as I found out while writing this
Starting point is 00:24:38 the teacher is dead now hope that gives you a laugh keep up the good work and your show is the highlight of my week Callum
Starting point is 00:24:44 still ripped the tits on class A drugs it seems because he finds this podcast alluring I hope that gives you a laugh. Keep up the good work and your show's the highlight of my week, Callum. He's still ripped the tits on class A drugs, it seems, because he finds this podcast alluring. Yeah, maybe. Peter, if someone went into your bag and stole your inhaler while you were at school, would that be debilitating for you? No, I reckon I'd roll with those particular punches. You wouldn't be scared, no?
Starting point is 00:25:00 I wouldn't be scared, no. No, because you need it, right? Everyone needs it. And what's the blue and the purple one what's that all about I reckon the
Starting point is 00:25:07 blue one's probably preventative like a Ventolin or maybe a Pomacort yeah and purple oh dealer's
Starting point is 00:25:13 choice could be an Intel if it was the 80s could have been a alright Brickanillin
Starting point is 00:25:18 probably a Brickanill what's that variant Brickanill's a it opens the tubes so to speak it
Starting point is 00:25:24 relaxes the when asthmatics. It's like poppers. It's like amyl. Yeah it's like upper respiratory amyl. Right okay. And have you do you partake in both or? Well amyl. No. Oh right. Both inhalers. Yes. Yes I do.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Okay good. I didn't really think about that for some reason. Fair enough. I'm just thinking what's in my bag. I do. Okay, good. I didn't really think about that for some reason. I don't know why. Fair enough. I don't know why. I'm just thinking what's in my bag. I do have two inhalers, the logbook for my car. Oh, I think if the deputy had asked to send you back today, you'd be in big trouble, mate.
Starting point is 00:25:54 An Apple mouse, a lot of antacids, dust, probably some contact lenses. Can I just ask, what do you use antacids for? Because if I have a meal and I'm sat on the sofa and I start watching a movie
Starting point is 00:26:07 I do get quite a lot of burps yeah is that what antacids are for I imagine it would probably help the burps I suppose to a certain extent
Starting point is 00:26:15 because I guess the burps is just your stomach acids breaking down the food and releasing energy and releasing gas isn't it so
Starting point is 00:26:22 but as long as it's not like as long as the bile isn't kind of rising up. It's not acid or anything, no. Oh, don't worry about that. I won't. It'll probably increase the burps if anything. Would it? That's not what I want. No, that's not what you want.
Starting point is 00:26:35 Listen, thanks very much for getting in touch, Callum. There's another email in here. Stay in school. Email about Coke Zero. Now, because as I've already said, Pete did the emails, he hasn't included their name. So, I don't know who they are, but let's get a Coke Zero update from me. So I went back to the staff canteen last week after I told you guys all about
Starting point is 00:26:54 what happened to Coke Zero Diet Coke thing. It was, and I'm kind of treating it as a small victory because it was another new employee there, but it was a different one. Right. And I went up and said i can have a dark coke please and she said we don't have any and i said okay what have you got instead and she said coke zero and i said i don't really want a coke zero she went okay yeah
Starting point is 00:27:18 no worries so she a colleague of the aforementioned antagonist, acknowledged that they were different. Right. So it's clearly not a team-wide problem. They're not in the pocket of a big caller. But at the same time, they didn't actually have any Diet Cokes. Right. So at the very best,
Starting point is 00:27:34 they're probably agnostic about the existence, which is disappointing. But anyway, whoever this email is, got in touch about Coke Zero, hello to you. They say, on the Coke Zero topic,
Starting point is 00:27:43 not long after it first came out, I went for dinner at a well-known chicken place with my boss and a colleague who was leaving. My boss had about four glasses of Coke Zero
Starting point is 00:27:52 and my colleague asked if the meal was too spicy. She said no, but it was a rare treat to have caffeine-free Coke when out. She used to drink
Starting point is 00:27:58 loads of coffee and stopped it. It was causing issues. So now it just has one caffeine drink a day. Uh-oh. Me and the colleague looked at each other
Starting point is 00:28:05 and as they were leaving I let them explain it had caffeine in it and we showed her the ingredients online the following day I asked her if she had slept and she said it was
Starting point is 00:28:12 the worst night's sleep in years and she still had a headache with Coke Zero it's odd they now make packaging look very similar to regular Coke which as a diabetic
Starting point is 00:28:19 makes me double check and there's been an issue on click and collect in the past so actually there's a semi-serious point in that. It was Scott Keith,
Starting point is 00:28:26 by the way. Thank you very much to you, Scott. If I'd known your name before, I wouldn't have read it because I simply do not trust a man with two, four names for a name. A little more.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Scott Keith. Scott Keith. But, joking aside, is that a concern for diabetics? They do look very similar. Yes. If you get in click and collect, people are going to chuck
Starting point is 00:28:44 the wrong order in before you know it. If you're getting click and collect, people are going to chuck the wrong order in. Before you know it, if you're not very fastidious with the packaging checking, you could be nailing sugar without realising. That's what I'd call
Starting point is 00:28:53 my insulin pen, the click and collect, because you've got to click it. You don't want to stab yourself with the old Mr. Pointy End. Click and collect.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Yeah, click and collect. Collect that sweet insulin. Yeah, click, collect. They're trying to make insulin free or close to free. There's some hackers in America. They're trying to come up with a way of creating free or very, very cheap insulin. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Kind of make it a public domain version of insulin. Because obviously insulin is like 70 quid a pop in America. And obviously that goes off your deductibles and all that stuff. And a lot of people don't have access, which is, I mean, wouldn't get into it, but let's not get into it.
Starting point is 00:29:31 It's ridiculous. So people are trying to almost kind of make a public domain version of insulin, which is a great thing. That is a really great project. I would support that wholeheartedly. I'd also say that any kind of condition like that, you have to, at least as a society be striving towards
Starting point is 00:29:47 not making people have to pay for that. Yes. And the NHS do that kind of stuff pretty well overall. My experience with the NHS recently had an issue with my knee. And even in these COVID times, I mean, it was absolutely ridiculous how quick it was. I went in there, got the assessment, got referred for a scan. The scan was about three weeks later. Just like a knee thing. I went in there, got the assessment, got referred for a scan.
Starting point is 00:30:06 The scan was about three weeks later. Just like a knee thing. I can still walk and everything. It wasn't even urgent. But look, that's the thing though, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:30:12 Your stories, these stories aren't interesting, are they? It's the, I waited seven years for an eyelash manipulation. Who is this saying this?
Starting point is 00:30:22 I don't know. It's always like, everyone just complains about how they've had to wait a long time to see a doctor. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:29 Most people We all do. You do get a group of people who go to see a doctor when they don't need to. Yeah. Now the wife I have access to would argue that
Starting point is 00:30:37 I don't go often enough. And I understand it's slightly different depending on different situations you're in. But I don't feel like I need to go. I'll have a checkup every year
Starting point is 00:30:46 right what you pop in and go hello can you give me a check wait when you hit 40 with the NHS you get a free one do you yeah I haven't gone for mine yet you should Jesus because I mean I might have to book out the
Starting point is 00:30:56 afternoon for you but you should but the idea that people go when they shouldn't do is really really damaging to the NHS but that's not what I was gonna make the point I was gonna make was something
Starting point is 00:31:04 like insulin it's surely there's the NHS. But that's not the point I was going to make. The point I was going to make was something like insulin, surely the issue there is that it's actually very cheaply manufactured anyway. It's just people are scalping it and making it really, really expensive when it doesn't need to be, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's wrong.
Starting point is 00:31:16 It is wrong. I also think it's wrong that, I'm not trying to say this to sound right on or whatever, I also think it's wrong that people have to pay for like sanitary products and stuff. That's bullshit. But, yeah,
Starting point is 00:31:26 I mean, things are moving in the right direction from that. Yeah, no, it's mental. Absolutely mental.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Yeah, because it's, I mean, fucking hell. Let's move into the 21st century, can we please, guys?
Starting point is 00:31:34 Yes, please. I mean, there's not even been a good film made over the last 20 years. What are we doing? What are we doing?
Starting point is 00:31:40 Pete, that's probably about as much time as we've got for Monday. Thank you very much to Keith. Thank you very much to Callum. Thanks, Keith and. Yeah. Thank you very much to Keith. Thank you very much to Callum. Thanks, Keith and Callum. Thank you very much to the projectionist at the... KC and the Sunshine Boys.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Picture House West Norwood as well. I am going to name and shame him because you've named my father-in-law today. Sorry. So I'm going to name and shame him. He was suggested as a follow on Instagram, but I didn't feel bold enough to do so. Why?
Starting point is 00:32:02 He would absolutely love it. Okay. He's a big fan of yours. All right, then. He bought you a T-shirt last time he came in. He did, yeah. I still got Okay. He's a big fan of yours. All right then. He bought you a t-shirt last time he came in. He did, yeah. I've still got it. Was that a NASA t-shirt?
Starting point is 00:32:09 Yeah, I've still got that. Yeah. I've not got paint on it yet. Is it one of the, because what's happened with me is since lockdown it's just too small for me. No, NASA's one
Starting point is 00:32:17 is one of the few I can actually wear. Why don't you wear it more often? Why don't you wear it more often? Why don't you lie under a bushel?
Starting point is 00:32:23 Sorry, I'd get dressed very early and I have to do it quietly because everyone's in bed and I just choose the wrong clothes. What's your routine in the morning, by the way? What do you mean? So you get up.
Starting point is 00:32:33 So I'll give you mine to give you a little starter. Alarm, when I'm coming in here first thing, alarm 7.15, bang. Right. Up, feed the cats, dressing gown on, feed the cats,
Starting point is 00:32:43 make some porridge, normally with blueberries, but some kind of fruit with it, eat that, then get my clothes ready, brush my teeth, shower, dressed, leave the house as close to 8 o'clock as I can to get the 8.12 train. That's my routine on the working day
Starting point is 00:32:59 when I'm coming in first thing. Talk to me about yours, because I reckon yours might be different. 6.30. Lola the dog will wake me up and just start dancing in the room. Same time every morning?
Starting point is 00:33:12 Like clockwork? Set your watch by her? No, no. It varies. But sometimes it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you look at the clock and you go,
Starting point is 00:33:18 yes, I've still got some sleeping to do. Which is, go for a piss. Or it'll be like 6.30 and I'll be getting up in a quarter of an hour. And I'll be like, sleeping to do which is go for a piss and or it'll be like 6.30 and I'll be getting up in a quarter of an hour
Starting point is 00:33:28 and I'll be like well there's no point in that isn't there it happened this morning with the other dog that just decided to be sick everywhere and so
Starting point is 00:33:35 that was me and then I hadn't really wiped it up properly because I got my foot in it before I got to the shower barefoot barefoot
Starting point is 00:33:42 what room was it in I'd managed to cajole him into the bathroom, which is at least wiped clean, but I didn't wipe it up properly. So I had a dog sick on my foot and then get in the shower, you know,
Starting point is 00:33:55 testicles, underarm, bit of shampoo and conditioner mixed together, brush the teeth and then I'm pretty much done. And then I'm just sort of like, and then... So you mix the shampoo and the conditioner in one hand?
Starting point is 00:34:08 No, it's just... Oh, so it's a combined product? Yeah. Then it's into the spare bedroom where my partner has usually opened the blinds so that I turn the light on. I'm completely Billy Bollocks and everyone can see me.
Starting point is 00:34:23 I don't know why that keeps happening. And then, yeah, I get ready, wear, just grab the quickest clothes I can, put my hair into a ponytail because that's what my life's become. Like Terry Silver.
Starting point is 00:34:36 And then it's just straight. And then it's just, if Laura's up, she's either already been fed or she needs being fed then. And then it's into the car for a two hour two and a quarter hour
Starting point is 00:34:47 drive to work what's Buckley doing in all this the other dog you have access to he's not been mentioned he's pissing in the bed to be honest
Starting point is 00:34:53 he's just wheezed now he's just not he's 14 yeah but you shouldn't be letting him wee in the bed
Starting point is 00:34:59 should you he's got waterproof sheets oh not your bed his bed no he's sat on my bed weeing on his waterproof sheets oh not your bed his bed no he sat on my bed weeing on his waterproof sheets
Starting point is 00:35:06 he'll sleep nowhere else it's a heartwarming tale it is a heartwarming tale it's just me covered in dog piss dog sick yeah
Starting point is 00:35:17 and then yeah it's off to work every morning this yeah every morning yeah it's good that's how I choose to live my life I'd love to hear about
Starting point is 00:35:24 our listeners morning routine if it's a little bit different maybe to live my life. I'd love to hear about our listeners' morning routine. If it's a little bit different, maybe you do something in a strange order. You know, one of the biggest issues I had with the James Bond movie, this is not a plot spoiler, very, very... At no point does he have dogs stick on his foot.
Starting point is 00:35:35 We can't guarantee that. But at one point, when he's living out in that amazing house in, I think, Jamaica, he's having an outdoor shower, which is great, in the jungle or whatever and he's brushing his teeth
Starting point is 00:35:47 at the same time with a very old fashioned looking toothbrush yeah I just don't think he would do that he's not an electric toothbrush man but Bond wouldn't do that
Starting point is 00:35:54 he would he's not got listen he's retired he's not pushed for time why are you brushing your teeth at the same time as having a shower does it
Starting point is 00:36:00 yeah yeah all I heard from that bloody film was like oh that Ana de Armas woman she needed to be in the film more
Starting point is 00:36:09 and it was like and it was it just makes you sort of go like did you watch the different film because I didn't find
Starting point is 00:36:15 her character in any way interesting oh you're odd you're odd yeah show it off she was excellent wasn't she she was excellent
Starting point is 00:36:22 she was excellent the excellent Ana de Armas yeah if you've got a morning routine worthy she was Amas. Yeah. If you've got a morning routine worthy of... She was a bled runner. She was. She was as well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:28 If you've got a morning routine worthy of letting us know about, it's hello at lukeandpeatshow.com or at lukeandpeatshow on Twitter. I actually posted on Instagram yesterday as well. Hot dog. Just to let people know
Starting point is 00:36:41 how we're getting on. Hot fucking dog. So check that out as well. Get in touch. We'd love to hear from you. This has been Monday's episode of the Luke and Pete show. You've been very welcome along, and we have been very, very pleased to chat to you.
Starting point is 00:36:51 We'll speak to you again on Thursday, where we'll do some more of this. We'll do some battery brand, and we'll get through a few more of your emails as well. So we're looking forward to that. See you again soon. Lots of love. Take care of yourselves and each other,
Starting point is 00:37:02 and speak then. Bye-bye. Lots of love. Take care of yourselves and each other and speak then. Bye bye.

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