The Luke and Pete Show - Ocean poop

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Pete ponders what compels a man to solo travel the Pacific Ocean. Meanwhile, Luke discusses his experience on a speed awareness course and says his biggest takeaway is that most people are pretty thick…Plus, Pete’s fascinated by the concept of electrocution.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete Show! Yo! I'm Pete Donaldson, this is... Well, it's Monday the 8th of July. We're in a brand new world, a brand new British world of political change and a wind of newness has rolled in, presumably. That's a big gamble by you, given that we're doing this before the election big gamble we're doing the day before the election i what happened lukey what what happened i think

um is my prediction uh the tories will get their asses handed to them but um it won't be a um huge uh as huge a labour landslide as expected uh and yet I think people will have read the writing on the wall for such a long time that the Tories are leaving us and doing something else in the next election. And I think people will probably either stay at home or vote for the Greens or that man who keeps doing bungee jumping. Put it another way, excited to see what new Prime Minister Nigel Farage can get up to.

Yeah, and him. And him as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't trust what's going to happen. You can't trust the British people to deliver a correct result, Peter. So, we weren't planning on revealing that we're recording this ahead of time because of our schedule, but we've now done that.

So I think we should park the politics chat there. Okay, right. Why are you wearing a Stockport County shirt? I don't know. Why are you not wearing a Stockport County shirt? I'll do what I want in my own house, thank you very much. I won't have you... It's equally as valid a question.

I won't have you criticising me wearing a Stockport County top. I don't know, actually. Who bought me a Stockport County... I think it's probably my sister. I think prime suspect must be the people who live quite close to Stockport and its many... But you're a heartlepools guy. Viaducts and hat factories.

Hat museums? Is it a hat museum or a hat factory? Do they still make hats in the hat museum? That is the question. I mean, you wouldn't... If you were a hat maker, a milliner, I doubt you'd be going to a museum to work. No, but you may have been making hats for such a long time

that you have... Your making hats for such a long time that you have your business is literally just a museum and you make so few hats these days i suppose what's your um what's your um hartlepool's friends gonna think about you wearing a stockport county shirt i just i think they'd be just as offended if i was wearing a um like a you know a south american top or a japanese top in it you know rupert fryer yeah south america rupert fryer his wife is a millionaire by trade like a South American top or a Japanese top, isn't it? You know Rupert Fryer? Yeah, South American football's Rupert Fryer. His wife is a millionaire by trade. Oh, nice.

Okay. She's the only millionaire I've ever met. So is it kind of like you have, is it like presumably for like fancy hats, presumably? The fanciest of all the hats. I think so. Right. I don't think so.

I don't think if you're knocking out like super cheap baseball caps i don't think you know you could no no the bloke who made my own carter hat what about um yeah what about where does um who makes the balaclavas like the way you fiddle around with the bottom where you're fiddling around with your car doesn't make you a mechanic exactly yeah yeah i'm a rank amateur. But I would say that, like, where does the, you know, stuff you'd wear on your face, where does that sort of like the, like a bandana, who makes the bandanas? Who makes the clothes that are...

No, I don't think a bandana maker, a balaclava maker, I don't think that's a recognised historic trade. No, okay. Well, I mean, a lot of lads these days do wear balaclavas. Maybe I could start, like, a really glitzy kind of balaclava creator who people sort of scoot around stealing bikes and stuff. That Northern Irish rap artist, hip-hop group, Kneecap, have you seen them?

I've not seen them, no. They sound very, very political. Yeah, they are. I mean, they wear Irish balaclavas on stage with the Irish flag. And I was just thinking to myself... Mannix did it in the 90s. Yeah, but I just think to myself...

They did it on top of the pops. They're not going to fan themselves on top of the pops, are they? The Mannix only did it. Do something else. It just must be so hot. It is very hot. You know what it's like on stage?

It's so hot. Yeah. It's impossible to make it less hot. And putting a balaclava on is not going to help you. Isn't there an Irish podcaster who wears a carrier bag on his head? Yeah. You know that guy?

Blind Boy, isn't it? Blind Boy. He does podcasts and he sticks a plastic bag on his head. That must be a nightmare for the noise on your microphone if you've got a carrier bag on your head, isn't it? But no one knows who he is though so he's got the anonymity that he wants. Is that something I could do now?

Could I kind of decide to... Would people know from my background? People might suspect, given your output, that it might be you, I think. You're pretty singular in your approach to broadcasting. I wouldn't... Yeah, I mean, you're always going on about the Manic Street Preachers. It embarrasses you.

I don't know why you continue to do it. Right. But I think your love for them, your love for pulp, just marks you out as a bore. Right. Well, we'd all like to pretend we like hip-hop, like you, Lukey. We'd all like to pretend we still listen to new stuff. We'd all like to pretend...

I don't listen to new stuff. Not really. That's not me at all. No, that's not me. That's not me. You once called the Wu-Tang Clan the Wu-Tang Crew. I did, and I'd stand by it. Why can't they just join it?

Why do they have to be a clan? Why can't they be a nice crew, for crying out loud? What are the main differences? I think one has... I guess clan must be kind of like... Clan's more serious, I reckon. Yeah. Where's a clan and a crew?

A crew is you would become a clan after a crew but they're forgetting they must have been a crew at some point to become a clan. They've gone straight to clan.

Yeah. They've gone straight to clan. That's not right. That's not fair. If I said to you you're going to have a fight tomorrow you and a couple of your mates and it's against a crew

or against a clan you'd rather fight a crew? No because I'd rather fight a clan because the clan would suggest that they might have a PR front to it. Do you know what I mean? The clan to me suggests they're fully trained in martial arts. I think it suggests to me that they may have a political bent and beating the shit out of me and my friends on some waste ground

would probably not fulfil a lot of their needs, I suppose, as a public-facing clan. I think a crew would be, I'm turning up with a bike chain, I'm going to whip it over your face. I remember once seeing a little brawl, a mini brawl. A mini brawl. Eight or nine people in a town growing up, and one of the guys had a bike chain,

and the other one had a seat post right with the seat on it yes right so what part is he whole that just makes it hard to whip around no it was a very very impractical weapon because as soon as you hit someone like you're hitting them with the cushion of the seat yeah i think i think i think i might be misremembering this maybe he didn't have the seat on it. But the guy with the bike chain, that was impractical as well. It was too big and too greasy. Yeah, it would just slip out of your hands,

wouldn't it? Yeah, I think he was kind of semi-worried about getting the grease on his clothes as well. So, like, it was crap. It was, like, pointless. Did he have some Shimano gears on the end? It's quite funny, because the guy who was doing it,

I'm not going to name him because I don't think it would be fair. Right. I kind of social media, tangentially know him still through social media. I've known him since we were very young. And he's a very respectable, kind of seems like a very nice man now, but he was a fucking wrong one when we were younger. And it was him. Right.

And he got a bit of a reputation as being a bit mental for doing that. Right. And then the whole thing ended a reputation as being a bit mental for doing that. Right. And then the whole thing ended because... Some oil got in his clothes. No, because a load of lads turned up with a load of pool balls from the pub. What is this? None of these are good.

At least put them in a sock. Yeah, one of them went for a shot window and set the alarm off, so everyone legged it. What, so as soon as somebody smashed a window and set an alarm off, all of the people who brought offensive weapons to the party sort of absolutely legged it.

I don't know what he was thinking, but one of the guys who came out the pub with a pool ball in his hand threw the pool ball in the general direction of the brawl, missed them, it bounced off the concrete of the pavement, as you can imagine, and just flew through a shop window. And the whole shop window and the whole shop window shattered and the alarm went off when everyone legged it right okay interesting

i don't know if they're a clan or a crew but yeah um i don't know how i wasn't involved as you can imagine i was just on the edge looking at it i watched this guy who basically uh i'm just watching um who who basically he's a he's a barrister uh in the uk and wales and he is he a lock picking barrister not the lock picking barrister he's the he's a karate barrister i think he's a barrister in the UK and Wales. Is he a lockpicking barrister? Not the lockpicking barrister. He's a karate barrister, I think. He's called the Black Belt Barrister on YouTube. And he basically, most of his videos are sort of algorithmic

hit pieces on the Royals. Not hit pieces, but like kind of like reviewing what we know about, you know, why Prince Harry might be, you know, doing this. You know, why certain people in public life. You see, he did loads of bits about Joey Barton and his. OK. I'm back on board. I'm back on board as well.

But he has. So basically, he just basically does a lot of videos, basically, basically about what knives you are allowed to carry and what knives you're not allowed to carry interesting okay in around the streets and stuff and it is fascinating about what constitutes like a flick knife or you know a knife that retracts into the the um the handle and stuff like that the rules are very very um kind of you know set down and people try and circumvent it but it just, like, literally somebody in the law to sort of go, come on. And, like, a lot of law is underpinned by, like,

would normal people think that was a flick knife? And if so, yes. I thought it was around blade length. I thought blade length was key here. Blade length, retractability, razzle-dazzle. I don't know. Because, you know, the idea of kind of amending or customizing weapons is a big issue in the United States.

It's actually how. Do you remember in 1993 the Waco siege? David Koresh. Yeah. So the reason that, I mean, there's loads of reasons that escalated and what happened happened. But the initial reason there was a confrontation in the first place is because the ATF, the Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms Agency,

it's better than a federal agency, kind of like a specific, it's kind of like the FBI, but for alcohol, tobacco and firearms crimes. I don't even know if they're still around, but they were then. Why are they grouped together? I don't know, it's a weird one. But I think it might be historically to do with the idea of organized crime around prohibition. Yeah, yeah. Back in the day. Maybe.

I don't know anyway. But the point is that the reason there was a standoff in the first place is because the ATF had got evidence, compiled evidence, that the Branch Davidians in Waco at Mount Carmel were customizing weapons. Right. Davidians in Waco at Mount Carmel were customizing weapons, right? Right. So they were taking, they were building their own hand grenades, taking guns and modifying them to be automatic weapons rather than semi-automatic. All this kind of stuff.

You know people talk about how there's guns everywhere in America, which of course there is, but there's certainly you can't do it. There's bump stocks and stuff, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And stuff that's taking them across state lines, that kind of stuff. They were doing all that stuff. And they had an incredible cache of weapons.

It kind of goes underreported. It was a mad thing to go on. And obviously David Kresh was insane, like certifiably insane. Great musician. I thought he was a snow... He was a musician before I won the year. I thought he was a snow god.

But they also... I think they found over a million rounds of ammunition in the house. When they find this stuff... Hundreds of weapons. You do sort of go, I mean, why did they lose? You know, I know there's only a few of them. I'll tell you why. Because literally the law enforcement

agencies were bringing like military hardware in. They brought like massive Abrams tanks and the stuff. There was one bit in that siege where they're negotiating to get all the kids out. It's a really harrowing story. Most of them died in fires, didn't they?

I don't recall. That was the big death. I can't remember. Yeah, the end. But at one point, they're negotiating to get the kids out. And they do actually get quite a lot of kids out. And the hostage negotiation team are doing a reasonable job of talking to him and getting these kids out and stuff. And then at one point, there's basically the hostage negotiation team

and then there's this kind of like special ops, like fire and brimstone army unit. He just wants to kill everyone. Runs roughshod on the fine work that the... Yeah, and at one point the hostage negotiator is on the phone with David Krush

trying to get some more kids out. In the background you just see a massive tank plough over three of their cars and then hear David Krush trying to get some more kids out. In the background, you just see a massive tank plough over three of their cars. Right. And then here David Krush getting really angry, going, that's my vintage Ford Ranchero.

What are you doing? There's no reason for it. They're just pissed off. Yeah. It's an insane story. It's a really good documentary about Netflix called American Apocalypse.

It's really worth watching. It's quite a good... Mad story. It's quite a good... Who's the guy who plays... It's Michael Shannon Shannon isn't it Michael Shannon is in a TV show

where he plays the hostage negotiator I haven't seen it I've seen him in Boardwalk Empire yeah it's worth watching because he's good

he's a good actor wonky helicopter CGI that I quite enjoy but yeah it's basically him battling against this you know

this literal army man that was piling just to get results god damn it was it him battling against this, you know, this literal army man. Right. He's piling just to get results, God damn it. Maybe it's based on it, Pete. Was it? It might be. I don't know if it was.

I'm just saying it might be. I like Michael Shan. He's a very intense character. He talks like this. Yeah, he does. Remember when he went to that, is it a VHS? There's like an old VHS kind of shop, I think. It's like a blockbuster video that some, I think, French company

set up. And they get like famous directors to come in and have a look at some classic films in VHS format and films that are out of print and stuff. And like Michael Shannon ends his little sort of dawdle around this shop and he goes,

I'm a very lucky boy. It's so weird. Ah shop and he goes I'm a very lucky boy it's so weird ah thank you I'm a very lucky boy thank you yeah he does he does speak a bit like that

ah curious man I didn't interview him he's very nice but he's playing did you what would you talk to him about General Zod

and Superman he's playing he's playing that that chap wasn't he how did that go ah yes the suit was very hot, Peter. He sounded a bit like Alan Bennett.

No. He did look like an American Alan Bennett. Oh, damn, Superman's in Bedrisery. Was he nice, though? He was very nice. They were all very nice. Russell Crowe played Superman's dad, and Superman played Superman,

and I think I interviewed the director as well. It's great they were able to get Superman to play Superman. It's good stuff, yeah. What a get. I mean, you've got to like, who's on that list? Do you know what I mean? Tarantino's list about who to play Superman.

Wouldn't it be funny if like, they just said, we've confirmed the new Superman. It's played by Superman. That would be excellent. Hey, CGI budgets are getting up and up. We could do with someone who can actually fly. Speaking of CGI skills,

how do you feel now you've had a chance to reflect on losing to me at table tennis? You and that table tennis. I love it. Little table. Do you find it annoying? I find table tennis tedious at the test of times. And I just think that I wish I'd never shown you

that there was a games room. I wish I'd never shown... Yeah, in many ways it's your fault, isn't it? In many ways. I very much enjoyed producer Finn, who is a man of the bat fault, isn't it? In many ways. I very much enjoyed Finn, producer Finn, who is a man of the bat himself. He's very much a tennis guy, man of the racket. He gave you a match,

and he just seemed like his kind of flaw was a bit smoother. Do you know what I mean? Like, he just seemed like he'd sort of done it a bit more. No, I don't know what you're talking about. There's a lot of flies in here. What's going on there? I've got me a... I've got...

Speaking of rackets... Hey, did I get you that? No. I got myself. Hang on. I think I got you one. Yes! Oh, you did get me one, yeah.

Got him. It's so good. It's so good, that. It's such good fun. My son thinks it's hilarious. Yeah, it's very... It's a very... I came into this apology cabinet,

there was about 10 flies. It felt like a dead body's in here somewhere. Americans find it crazy there's no fly screens. Right, yeah, yeah. I guess we don't have quite as many. It's the thing that drives my wife maddest. Right, flies being in the house. Yeah, you grew up with having like bug shields,

bug screens everywhere in the US. I might get some of that kind of windy, sticky paper. Fly paper, literally fly paper. It doesn't really work. Does it not? I think it works, doesn't it? I think by far the most enjoyable way to hit the old flies is with that racket. Yeah.

Electrified racket. Do you electrocute yourself with that, Pete? Does it hurt when you touch it? Of course it does. Do it. Hang on. I don? Of course it does. Do it. Hang on. I don't want to do it! Do it.

It's not doing anything. I'll do it the other side. I'll attack from the other side. Yeah! Mother of Pearl. It's so exciting, isn't it? It's like, you know, have you ever got the inside of a disposable camera? No. It's got like a very high voltage capacitor, which can really, really fuck you up.

Give you a bell. If you're not careful. It really does ring your bell if you give it a clout. If you put it on someone's skin and fire it off. It's not right. In the countryside, you walk past an electric fence. Are you touching it? Yeah, massively.

You can't not touch it. No, exactly. You want to say it, but it really does. It's just interesting that high voltage doesn't necessarily kill you. It just gives you a right old sting and then you're just

back to normal again. It's really fascinating. I remember when you cattle prodded yourself with Johannesburg. Hmm. Yeah. That was a serious

bit of kit that. It's a serious bit of kit. It just runs off to like, you know, D batteries or something and it was. Yeah, but the whole point of that cattle prod was that we were in quite a rough part of Johannesburg

and security was important and that was like a last line of defence. You shoved it into your thigh. It's a very high-risk play, isn't it? What if someone's wearing particularly thick jeans? Yeah. That's what I want to know. Oh, speaking of thick jeans, have you seen that apparently Donald Glover

is leading a bootcut jeans revival? Oh, fuck off. Speaking of my love of rap. I've left that behind. I'm not doing bootcut jeans again. Why not? You're a tall man and everyone can enjoy the swishy swish of your bootcuts. Not for me.

Not for you. Donald Glover can do what he wants. People who do these stories, they miss the entire point. It's like when David Beckham does something. Those guys can do whatever they want in their little school. Yeah. That's not right. That doesn't mean it's the right for the rest of us. What's good for that goose

is not good for this gander, my friend. No, I completely agree. But it might come back. You never know. I don't think that's very likely, Peter. Although I remember like, I mean, years ago now, people were saying skinny jeans are out. I just wear a pair of straight leg normal trousers

these days. I'm 40, so that's got to be. You're a bit wackier than me. just wear a pair of straight leg normal trousers these days. I'm 43. That's how it's got to be. You're a bit wackier than me. I wear a lot of woolen... I wear a lot of woolen clothes in summer. That's never a good thing. I'm just constantly sweating to be honest.

You were interested in my shorts fowling suit. Shorts. Yeah. Completely agree. Never do. Really good stuff stuff On that note

Shall we leave And then come back Yeah let's have a break We come back I've got some good emails I'm about to do them Peter If that's okay with you Okay then lovely

We're back It is The Luke and Peter Show I am Pete Donaldson Joined by Mr. Lukey Moorer And we've got emails We've got battery brands to do, we've got all sorts kicking off.

Actually, you know what? Batteries until next week, are we? No, batteries next week, yeah. Sorry, batteries on Thursday. Listen to this one from Connor. Hi guys, listening to the hammock episode.

Remember the granddad and the hammock? Yeah, yeah, nice. Made me want a hammock, so I went to Argus and bought a hammock. I've got hammock fever. Yes. Girlfriend mocked me,

but now she also loves hammocks. If you have any more questions about my hammock, let me know. I think I've got hammock fever. Yes. Girlfriend mocked me, but now she also loves hammocks. If you have any more questions about my hammock, let me know. I think I've covered it all. And it's attached like three photos. Yeah.

Including one of his girlfriend and his dog in the hammock. The dog sort of peeking out from behind the hammock. Right, I've got a few questions. He's got a patio.

He's got a lovely garden. Lovely garden. Lovely patio. Nice size. You could fuck lovely garden lovely patio nice size you could fuck that garden up people i could fuck that gotta fuck this garden up um i would say that like why have you chosen to put the hammock on the side of the patio meaning if you fall off you don't land on grass i'd like that on the grass i agree with you land on cement um Is it a balance issue? If so, maybe the grass is just a bit too wobbly-bobbly. Two, you've got socks

on inside your hammock. Is that a prerequisite? Yeah, they're black tennis socks as well, which is a bit of a faux pas, if you don't mind me saying. It's a bit porno. Outside in your own garden. It's a bit porno. So the black tennis socks, is that a prerequisite of getting entry to the hammock? And also, I've seen your partner, I've seen you.

Can the dog get in the hammock? Is that allowed? So three questions I'd like to know from you, Connor. Do get in touch. Yeah, your girlfriend looks like she's in the hammock under duress, by the way. Very much for the purposes of this email. Just getting it quick yeah

I'll just take a quick photo do you tear the hammock down at night lest a fox you found a fox asleep in it I'd love that wouldn't you

I would love that too to be honest yeah badger as well and also I mean because obviously it's off and on raining

right throughout the British summer this year will you be taking it inside lest it rot? And is it machine washable? There's a lot of questions to be getting on with. Thanks, Conor.

So get back to us as soon as possible, please. Speaking of sleeping in a hammock, do you follow that guy on Instagram who's sailing on his own across the Pacific? Right. No. What business does he have kind of doing this? What's his plan? How much food is he carrying?

Presumably he's got people to relieve him. No, he's just doing it all on his own. He's doing it all on his own. Oh, he's just going to catch fish along the way or what? Yeah, he's been catching a few fish. Yeah, he's called the Sailing Songbird. The Sailing Songbird. I mean, when you hear that and you look at his face,

you think this guy's tedious. But he's actually pretty good. He's a really good account. He's just made it to French Polynesia. He's been out there for ages. Right. And he set up a GoPro and a gimbal the other night. Yeah.

And then he uploaded it to Instagram. And him trying to sleep in like a fairly mild, it has to be said, storm. Right. And it just looked miserable. Absolutely miserable. To the point where he's having to to be said, storm. Right. And it just looked miserable. Absolutely miserable. To the point where he's having to wedge himself into the bed. Right.

So he could sleep. And he's on his own, right? So he's day 23 sailing across the... It just seems like what if he... What if a big wave comes and gets him, for crying out loud? I think he's been there longer than 23 days. He's only got one bucket to collect water to presumably filter out the salt.

But it's because he listens to you talking about how you don't really need to drink water. Yeah, maybe he is. Yeah, maybe he's just not bothering. Maybe he's just absolutely fine. As you said, one big drink when you hit 50. Yeah, exactly. That'll get you going for the rest of your time.

That'll get you going. Oh rest of your time. That'll get you going. Oh, actually, it's raining. So he's using the rain rather than the sea. So that's good. But Pete, he's not going to be drinking sea water, is he? I know he's not going to be drinking sea water, but when he's talking about this is how he gets water, I was presuming he would have one of those pumpy pumps

that filters out the salt water. Is it easy to desalinate water these days? I think it is. Most boats will have it, won't it? I think most boats have it. I don't know. I think certainly one that's trying to attempt to cross such a big body of water.

It's just very samey, isn't it? He's quite an interesting character anyway. It's good because I would never do something like that. But when I get to watch him, I feel like, oh, that's what it would be like. And it's easier for me to just look at that. These reliable headliners has asked the question. Real question is, Sailing Songbird,

what do you do with the poop? Yeah. I think that goes overboard, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, Harold Dryden just got in touch saying, poop goes overboard just fine. Millions of creatures poop in the ocean every minute. It doesn't pollute.

Geesh. Geesh. It pollute. It's geesh. Geesh. It's true. It is absolutely true. 75% of Earth's life poops in the water. That makes sense. Yeah, it's a good point. What about this email then?

Let's round up with this email. From another guy called Connor. Can you believe that? Two emails from Connor on the same show. And it's a different Connor. He says, Morning, gents. I've emailed before to add my two pence worth in this particular arena.

So here I go again. You were talking last week about the police ramming a cow and running it over. And I thought I'd mention this story to you. Back in 2015, I was working for the police in the Northeast. I've now moved on to a national force working in counter-corruption, if you're interested. All right, Connor, showing off. Don't look at my affairs.

Yeah, leave us out of it. Yeah. Leave us and our clan out of it. I've done nothing. I've done nothing, copper. You've got nothing on me, copper. He says there were some loose cows near to a main road. This is when he was working back in 2015.

And as a result, the police made the decision to shoot one of the cows for public safety. It's not a funny story. I understand that. But the reason I write in is because, as a result, the police made the decision to shoot one of the cows for public safety. It's not a funny story, I understand that. But the reason I write in is because, as I recall, the specialised police firearm officer, who spends all their time training how to shoot, missed an entire cow with their first shot. Wow, that seems like not good shooting. Regarding the officer who rammed the cows of the week,

I do feel for them on an individual basis they are shouldering all the blame, but by the sounds of it and the way I read it, the decision to run the cow over wouldn't have been a spur of the moment one, but directed by incident managers in the police force. Hang on, so they're ringing up their special number and they're going,

do I have permission to ram the cow? And they're going, yes, you do. And then you just absolutely go for it. Yeah, it seems weird. It does seem weird all my everything in my eyes and ears are telling me here is this is a man who's making this decision on the spur of the moment he's just having a he's not even having a think about it he's just absolutely cracking on with it it's the kind of thing you would do peter um uh yeah by the way speaking of that kind of i'd run my car i'd run my car with a cow i had to do a bloody speed awareness course yesterday yes come on lovely um yes i have yeah of course you have six points

ago yeah i did and um was it the two and a half hour one online yeah it was it was a long time and only extended by people asking dumb old questions about nothing. Yeah. Like trying to sort of say that they weren't in trouble. At the risk of sounding arrogant, given that that is going to be, I mean, there's eight people on the Zoom and one kind of host of it, right? Who's taking you through it all? Who's the host?

We might have had the same host. It was a guy called Brian. He was very nice. Black guy? No. No. Different guy. Just exactly the kind of Brian. He was very nice. Black guy? No. No, different guy. Just exactly the kind of guy you'd expect. That was my guess who slapped down.

It's basically Adam Partridge. Well, they've all got the spiel, I suppose. And he was quite funny, I won. But I did sort of feel that the lesson might be a little shorter if he didn't do the jokes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No one's there because they want to be there.

That's the problem. No, exactly. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No one's there because they want to be there. That's the problem. No, exactly. Tough crowd, really. Yeah, true. And a lot of it's taken up by people just not... This is what I was going to say. So you take a cross-section of society in the UK, eight people who have been caught speeding, right?

So I'm not suggesting that it's the most stand-up people in society, but it's probably a broad cross-section, right? Yeah. My goodness me, most people are thick like it was honestly i know we work in like essentially the av industry so it's different for us but the amount of time it took for normal people to get their zoom working was astonishing yeah but zooms can be quite you know if you don't use it every day it's a pain in the bloody ass and and i seem to recall it was like kind of certain security um things yeah i think he pops on at like 15 minutes

before to sort of make sure you're there yeah that's right and then yeah and then and then all the checks and balances go into i think i had to cancel mine uh lit does because i pretended that my computer wasn't working even though i just run out of time. But I, yeah, I mean, it's not even like the tech stuff. It's more just like when they ask loaded questions that are obviously supposed to be answered in a certain way to satisfy the needs of the speed awareness course. Who has an excuse? Who has a good, what's a good excuse for speeding?

Questions like that. You know what the answer is supposed to be. Nobody has an excuse for speeding? Questions like that. You know what the answer's supposed to be. Nobody has an excuse for speeding, ever. Yeah. And yet, you know, we get half an hour of shite. So the two highlights for me on my own was a guy, an older fella, who was about 60, who, I'm being serious now, Pete,

for two hours couldn't turn the camera around on his iPad. Right, right. So he basically had to keep a hold physically every time the instructor guy checked in on him. He had to physically turn the iPad around and say, yeah, I'm still here, and turn it back again. He couldn't find the button.

This is a Zoom app on an iPad. It's not that difficult. And the second one was, there was a woman on there who wasn't speaking English as her first language. Well then she's not passed then. Honestly Pete, you are going to

fucking crack up at this and you're not going to believe it but I promise you it's true. They do a good job of going around everyone to ask them questions individually to make sure they're involved. And our instructor did that to start with but after about 45 minutes he basically kept, he just ignored this woman for the rest of the time

because every single question he asked her, honestly, she went, motorway, motorway. She was just having a giggle. And it started out with, what's the most dangerous road? And she went, motorway,way which is wrong but it makes sense right and then some of the questions were things like the autobahn what's the most what's the um you know what's the main reason you would be speeding on the on the on the road motorway motorway every single time she said death race 2000 and after that he just stopped asking her

i thought i should have fucking done that. Yeah. Just sound like you're insane and nobody will approach you. And then what also happened was that he's seen me and he's seen, Pete, that I'm comfortable on the camera. Game recognises game. I'm getting all the fucking questions. You got your top off. Yeah, you're relaxed.

He kept saying, Luke, I'm going to ask you this one because you're the top of my screen. It's not relevant, Brian. No. You need to be divvying this out. I've not chosen to be top of the screen. Exactly. But maybe you draw faster.

Maybe he's got the numbers of how fast you would. Who did the fastest one? Were they very at pains to suggest that they were an independent contractor and they weren't part of... Yeah, yeah, nice. And one of the guys on my course said, because we were asked why we were called Speedy,

and I genuinely couldn't remember. It was ages ago. Being a fucking legend, mate. What's your excuse? Yeah, I don't know. A girl's a reason, Brian. I was in the video game Turbo Outrun, and I had a lady in a bikini in my Ferrari Testarossa.

Yeah. Anyway, so there was this one guy, right, who was one of those types. Yeah. And he kept it up for the whole two hours. Every opportunity he was asked about it,

he was like, wow, I wasn't actually speeding. They've changed the speed limit on that road. And his bride goes, what do you mean? He said,

well, it was a 40 and I'm a taxi driver and I drive it all the time. Yeah. And apparently, it's now a 30. But I can't see any signs.

So they've changed it. I was driving the same speed I always drove. And that's why I'm on this course today. I drive the speed I always drive. What if they put... Maybe they'd close the road and they put barriers up. Are you going to drive the same speed you always drive? Straight to the barriers, killing people?

Are you going to do that? No, because things change. Barry, you mad lad. I think his name was Dwayne. Dwayne, okay, nice. I won't use his surname because it wouldn't be fair to identify him. But he's a taxi driver in Plymouth. Right, okay.

Look him up, look him up. But he was saying that in Plymouth, if a taxi driver gets caught speeding, not only do they have to do the old pay the fine and all that kind of stuff they have to go in front of the council and explain themselves oh right well good a good look we're using that um line yeah I was thinking I'll get a better excuse they'll give them short shrift yeah so it was about three years of my life I'm not going to get back um now I can't do it again because you don't get a chance to do it once yeah it was incredibly patronizing I also found out how little I knew about the road. Yeah, there's a lot of, like, shorthand.

Like, if you see streetlights, there's a good chance it's a 30. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, I didn't know that. That's a nice little tip, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mind Brian. I thought he did a good job, professional job. I couldn't believe he has to do four of them a day.

Bloody hell. That's a long old shift, isn't it, I guess? Yeah. I guess you do it from home if you want to. He was in the office, mate. Was he? Right, okay. Absolute pro.

He had everything ready to go. He was one of those types. I'd like to be honest. I'd like to see Brian's driving record, to be honest. Yeah. If he's whiter than white, fair enough. But I've got my suspicions he might be a bit of a fucking wrong-in. Why?

Why? Because he's just got that look in his eyes. Doesn't smell right. No one's that good. No one's that clean. No, good point. Show me someone that clean and I'll show you someone's dirty. I can't do that again because it's literally the only get-out-of-jail free card you have,

isn't it, for a few years? Yeah, it really is. I think it's for two years? No. You certainly have your points. I think points are three years, aren't they? I think the Speed Awareness course lasts as long as the points do. It would.

Right. I think that's three years because I've done some naughties. Post Speed Awareness course because I got a much faster car than I used to have. And I wish i didn't do that uh right we'll be back on thursday for battery brands if you want to get them in hello at linkpeachshow.com uh if you'd like to do that and if you've had any humorous experiences on a speed awareness course we want to hear from you we want you we want you we want you as a new recruit as we a little bit of fact little facts for you before we leave yeah the most prevalent cause of speeding now is people who've moved from petrol or diesel

cars to electric cars and don't realize they're speeding because they're so used to the car getting louder the faster they go and electric cars don't do that is that true is that what the man said right yeah and the acceleration is higher as well I imagine as well see you later absolutely shoots up bye The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.