The Luke and Pete Show - One Incredibly Smooth Man

Episode Date: April 29, 2021

On today’s episode, Luke introduces us to the most clean-shaven, manscaped man on Earth, meanwhile Pete’s got news on a huge gaming achievement from a man with sweet licks and incredibly fast fingers...Elsewhere, we review 'The Josh Fight' which took place this weekend as the boys rank themselves amongst the other Lukes and Petes of the world, before we see some Spanish batteries enter the game and read an informative email about T-Rex bum holes. DON'T MISS OUT!If you've got some exciting news to share with us, get involved! Drop us an email over at [e-mail] or give us a message on Instagram/Twitter at @lukeandpeteshow. We LOVE hearing from you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luka Pete Show. It is a Thursday. I do hope you are keeping well. You over there, you keeping well? You good? Yeah? Stay in school. Don't do drugs. Yeah. Pete and Luka with you for another show.

It's rare that I don't know where you're going with something. I didn't know where I was going. Either me just piled right into it and just didn't. I should write something down. Yeah. I mean, we'd only do two a week. What would that, how much work would that really be five minutes wouldn't be much do you know what when I come in and I see certain members of shows I'm thinking maybe the football ramble particularly and certain personnel that should remain nameless because it wouldn't be fair really working hard yeah um getting their

shit together yeah and um then me and you just turn it up just shitting anything we like into the microphone does it make you feel bad? nah it should make the advertisers feel bad they're the only people

who are financially putting any money into this venture the quote unquote advertisers they don't have opinions no it's all filtered

through agencies and through buying people commercial people by the time it comes to us it's kind of a thing rather than a person. That's true, yeah. Yeah.

Talk about this. And we go, I will. Give me the Manscaped razor. I want to shave my balls. Yeah. I want to see how good this razor is. I've got the Manscaped. We did what?

I think we did a promo for a bra in Japan and I got one. I've got a Manscaped at home. I've never used it. What, down south of the belly button? You know I'm a very unhairy man, you know that. Okay, right, okay.

Why did you take it on then? No, it was sent to me. Spells, you could have been there for weeks doing his, doing his nethers. Spells, he's probably gone for about six of them.

It was sent to me, Peter. I had no say in it. It's still in the box. I've never opened it. Okay, well, look, so your personal testament on the advert, presumably,

should be falling on deaf ears. Yeah. He's got no experience with it. Well, there's a reason I wasn't asked to on the advert, presumably, should be falling on deaf ears. He's got no experience with it. Well, there's a reason I wasn't asked to voice the advert. That's all I'll say. Because it would have been inauthentic. Yes, exactly. It would have been. Anyway, how are you today?

I'm good. Shaved. You're looking very aerodynamic today. I am, I am. Completely shaven. Can I just say, I used to play football. I might mention this before. He's not really going to know or listen to this.

I'm only going to use his first name. But I used to play football with a guy called Boris. Yeah, because that's going to narrow it down, isn't it? How many Borises are there? I used to play football with a guy called Boris. And it became very... I don't know how to really phrase this. Anyway, so we played football together in the same team.

Obviously loads of people in the team, as you would expect. And after the game, we used to shower. Everyone had the showers. Unlike you, Pete, you don't really have a shower with other men. You didn't like it. Don't like them looking at me. I don't want to look at them. Yeah, you didn't play on this team particularly though,

so this is not relevant to that. But anyway, after, how can I put this? About halfway through the season it became clear to us to all of us unspoken that Boris

was completely shaved has shaved his entire body right but he obviously wasn't doing it regularly enough that it looked like a kind of alopecia

kind of situation so it obviously wasn't an if I may call it an affliction I'm sorry if that's offensive but you know it wasn't a condition

yes okay it was just all stubble but everyone knew but no one ever said anything wasn't an affliction. If I may call it an affliction, I'm sorry if that's offensive, but you know, it wasn't a condition. Yes, okay. It was just all stubble. But everyone knew, but no one ever said anything. And it became quite weird to the

point where, you know, you've played a game, there's five or six of you ahead of the game. You're getting ready to look at your mate's cock.

No, you're having a shower in the communal showers, and it's all fairly amicable. Why would it not be amicable? What are you doing in the showers? All I'm saying is Boris walked in and the atmosphere changed. Yeah. And it's all fairly amicable. It's all fairly amicable. Why would it not be amicable? What are you doing in the showers?

All I'm saying is Boris walked in and the atmosphere changed. Because everyone knew. Because everyone knew. Everyone knew. Well, there he is. But no one mentioned it. Yeah. Showing it off.

What do you think about that? Look, don't kink shame if that's what he's into. I'm not shaming. No, I don't think it was a kink. Right. I just think it was from the Netherlands. I don't know if that affects it. He was from the Netherlands.

Yeah, if he drips his Stroopwafel on there. That's Belgian. That's Belgian. All right, if you drop a hot rock on you and you're all hairy, if you drop a schmoke on it, it's going to go up, isn't it? Yeah, but I can also remember in that kind of era

my mate Percy, we used to squeeze shampoo in his hair while he was washing his hair so it never ran out. Absolute classic. Yeah, that is a classic. That is an absolute classic. There was washing his hair so it never ran out. Absolute classic. Yeah, that is a classic. That is an absolute classic.

There's nothing vicious, is it? It's a little bit vicious. His eyes swelled up with all the fucking chemicals. He's got an illness. It is his fault if he will use

a chemically, what's it called, a chemically installed, a chemically active shampoo. I think that's the first time you've ever been shot of a word and I've had to help you out.

You've pratted yourself. And it's been how many shows? 200 and 400 and something? Five million. What do you think about Boris then, based on what you've heard? Lickable. I don't know. Just, you know, is he a fine figure of a man?

I couldn't stop thinking. Oh, he was, but I couldn't stop thinking about a dolphin. Okay, yeah. Isn't that the phrase for it? It's a word for it. Smooth as a dolphin. I think so. Right. So, yeah. Isn't that the phrase for it? It's a word for it. Smooth as a dolphin. I think so. Right.

So yeah. Anyway, there you go. And it's kind of weird because I remember at one point playing and thinking while we were playing, under those shorts and t-shirt, he is completely bald.

Completely bald. Look, it's nice. Look, as we hurtle through time, the younger generation, certainly on the middle side, they're more willing to preen. They're more willing to tidy up. I am willing to preen. To manscape. Are you willing to preen? No, I more willing to preen. They're more willing to tidy up. I am willing to preen.

To manscape. Are you willing to preen? No, I'm willing to preen. Yeah, I am too. I'm not preening with the best of them. Because I used to get my willy off quite a lot. So I really had to. What would you mean?

Had to keep it tidy. What, for a job or something? The way you said that was like, because of work. What were you talking about? Yeah, put little glasses in the nose on it. You don't need the nose, do you? Glasses in the mustache. No, the nose is the willy the willy yeah sorry my dad had a friend who had a tattoo on his stomach right

and he i'll promise you this is a massively 80s story it's a massively gosspot story is this a listener when all the stuff we're talking about today probably not anyway my dad had a mate who used to come around he used to have his top off all the time right because in my mind in the 80s the summers were really hot and so a man of 35 wouldn't ever have a t-shirt on. Yeah. Always be top off. Anyway,

they used to tuck their t-shirt in their shorts, didn't they? Do you remember? Anyway, he used to have a tattoo which was eyes, a nose,

and the belly button was the mouth and he used to smoke and he used to put a cigarette in the belly button and go, oh, look at that. And the thing is...

That's good. Was it like really sort of detailed female eyes? Yeah, it was terrible and really colourful. and he used to put a cigarette in the belly button and go, oh, look at that. And the thing is... That's good. Was it like really sort of detailed female eyes? Yeah, it was terrible and really colourful. Nice. And I think it was probably done because he was probably a sailor, so it was probably done by his mate or something. I've got a lot of time for that.

That's cracking. You're not going to get a lot of mileage out of that. That is a month-long joke, maximum. He's still got that now. Laddys flip-up with a little smiley fist on his knee. It was just like two eyes, dot, dot, and a little...

I remember him. What was his first name? I don't know. He smoked bifters at half time. He's a good footballer though. Yeah. Imagine how good he'd be. I know.

If his knees didn't smile. Yeah. Anyway, this is the most elongated Luke and Pete show in forever. It is the Luke and Pete show today. And that's like one of those cold opens they do

for like seven or eight minutes on an American Netflix show, wasn't it? Yeah. Or an American podcast where they just advertise mattresses for about 15 minutes.

A lot of them take themselves very seriously don't they on the American podcast? Yeah I guess so. They're certainly good at like they do their own kind of takes on adverts

don't they? Because we sort of we're quite formatted we sort of go look we know that adverts by their very nature are a bit of an imposition it's not necessarily

why you're listening so let's make it focused let's not just take the script and go hey look have you heard this manscaping thing

in two ten minutes like we just did it's indulgent isn't it Joe Rogan sometimes will have I mean it's different now because he's on Spotify but I remember him

having eight or nine minutes at the start of the show just to have that commercial messages all the way through I love it I don't care as much over there I think they're more used to being advertised eight or nine minutes at the start of the show. Right. Just to have that commercial messages. Yeah, nice. I love it. I don't care as much over there.

I think they're more used to being advertised too and I think people who sometimes find adverts in our productions, it's slightly jarring, are not American because the Americans are used to having

one scene of the office, then an advert, then two scenes, and then an advert. It's just more accepted. Sometimes they go commercial break and they come back just for the credits. Yeah, it's mad, isn't it?

And Peter, also, what people don't realise is because they would have heard your voice voicing a lot of the advert. Yeah. And lots of people would think, well, maybe because Pete's a voiceover artist, that's why he does them.

Yeah, no, I'm no better than anyone else. I'm just more available. No, it's because I have a lot of integrity. So I don't do than anyone else. I'm just more available. No, it's because I have a lot of integrity. So I don't do them. Yeah. I've been asked more than one occasion, do you want to advertise this? I was like, yeah.

I think we went for a bit. And there's nothing we've never advertised that isn't like good. I remember there was a podcast I quite liked and it was about, it was an ex-general in the army or something um and it was it was quite interesting because like this guy was talking from authority about american foreign policy in like africa bless that but it's sponsored by raytheon it's like that is a big moral leap

sponsored by fucking raytheon my god do you reckon they just said that's fine well yeah i mean like it's obviously a bit of branded content, though. Well, it is branded content, but it's like the people who made the missiles, like, it's big, isn't it? I mean, I know they make a lot of stuff and they probably argue that, you know, the ship-to or air-to-body kind of missiles are a very small chunk of it.

But Raytheon, I mean, they're quite a maligned company, so to speak. I don't really know much about them other than they're like a defence contractor. I did voiceovers for adverts and sponsorship messages at this company for about three months. Right. And I realised that they just weren't being used.

Oh, what, they just didn't? Other people were using them. Other people were doing them as well. I think I just slowly... It was a bit like being at a wedding where you don't know anyone and then after a couple of hours, just kind of slowly, quietly leaving.

Right, okay, yeah. And then saying I had a lovely time. French exit. No one really knows. Is that what they call it? When you leave without telling anyone. It's something I do all the time. But the French call it an English exit

or a British exit, which is funny. Okay, right. So if you're on a night out, you just disappear. Yeah. French exit. French exit. I've done that before. Yeah.

You don't want to make a fuss, do you? You don't want people going, oh, stay, right. So if you're on a night out, you just disappear? Yeah. French exit? French exit. I've done that before. Yeah. You don't want to make a fuss, do you? You don't want people going, oh, Pete, stare, please. You're like, I don't need any of that. Speaking, do people say that? Pete, you've been here for too long. Please leave. Pete, I didn't know you were coming.

Oh, you're off. Okay. Pete, can I just ask you, please, to tell me and the listeners about something you shared with me earlier this week. Okay. A YouTube video about a chap on Guitar Hero because it was one of the most...

Exhilarating? Exhilarating, impressive, but also pointless things I've ever seen. And I didn't know there's a whole world of Guitar Hero that I had no idea about. Yeah. I think our listeners will find it interesting. So, I mean, any kind of popular thing like whole world of Guitar Hero that I had no idea about. Yeah. I think our listeners will find it interesting. So, I mean, any kind of, like, popular thing,

like Rock Band or Guitar Hero, eventually you will get people who take it a little bit too far. I mean, Rock Band, the hardest song was always that Dragon Force track. Is it Dragon Force? Yes. Fire, fire. The very one, the hardest one at the end. The hardest one.

But these guys, kind of taking their cue from these very extreme kind of Japanese video game players. Sorry to cut in people, just to make it absolutely clear. When I'm playing Guitar Hero, I just want to enjoy

some sweet licks. You're the same, but these guys aren't like that. I just want to run the riff. Yeah. I just want to run the riff, but these guys are Teutonic in their,

in their, what they do effectively. It's incredible. Theyonic in what they do, effectively. It's incredible. They basically have this kind of version of Guitar Hero that was made for a PC. It was like a fan-made thing. And so you could have custom soundtracks. A clone version of it where they could customise it.

Yeah, customise the tracks and make the tracks as hard and as difficult as it possibly can be. So they'll create these tracks. I don't even think these are actual songs, to be honest with you. They're probably political. But it's just very, very difficult and some of the most difficult guitar hero kind of pressing in the world. Now, this guy, no one has ever played this song.

I don't know actually what this song is. It's called Soul of Six, isn't it? Yes, Soul of Six. No one has ever played this at expert level and 100%ed it. No one's been able to do it in 10, 11 years. Fucking hell. And a guy called Carney Jarrod with 3.98k subscribers on YouTube, he's managed to do it.

He's managed to do it. And people on his Twitch channel, when he's doing it, they are losing their mind. And with good cause. This guy is like a ninja man on the old Guitar Hero fingers. When I saw it,

I had no idea this world existed. And I now get it a bit better because you've explained it. Not like me. Not something I thought I'd say. I found, I've actually found it very touching how proud he was of himself

and how authentic it was. It wasn't like you'd expect like a normal kind of quote, unquote, quote, quote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of punch in the air and stuff. He couldn't say anything. He was just so,

he's like, I don't fucking believe it. I don't believe it. What next? And he's done something that has never been it I don't believe it what next and he's done something that has never been done by a human being in 11 years

and it was designed explicitly to be as close to impossible as it is possible to be and this is the whole kind of crux of speed running

doing video games very quickly doing the hardest thing on the hardest game at the hardest level at the hardest time or whatever it's

they are people will look in from the outside and sort of be quite you know on the hardest game at the hardest level at the hardest time or whatever. They are, people will look in from the outside and sort of be quite, you know, derisory, but I think it is some of the achievements in speed running

and stuff like that are nothing short of magnificent. There weren't enough, I mean, do you think he was enjoying the sweet licks or not? No, I don't think

he even sort of sees. It's procedural, isn't it? Yeah, it's procedural. He may as of sees. It's procedural, isn't it? Yeah, he may as well have been punching a robot, effectively. I don't think he's got any love for the music,

but, you know, look. It's not like me playing PUBG. Sweet, sweet music. I love the...

Dropping in on the hospital zone and just hiding out in one of the wards. I love the topography. I love the ballistics of the different weapons. I like doing a little dance. I like the travel. I like jumping in the car, wards. I love the topography. I love the ballistics of the different weapons. I like doing a little dance.

I like the travel. I like jumping in the car, driving around. So I feel like I'm more of a pure gamer than these kind of professionals. I've seen some YouTube videos of people playing PUBG

and it's made me understand a lot more in depth why you get killed because honestly, I don't know how it happens. It obviously happens because it is essentially by its very nature a game so it can be mastered

and it's not necessarily about the physics because the real world physics aren't going to be 100% accurate because it's a game. But I have seen on YouTube a guy shoot a sniper rifle from a thousand miles away, whatever it is, to a dot in the back of a car moving at speed, headshot kill. Yeah.

If that's me, and let's be honest, it is me on the other end of it normally. Yeah. I can't learn from that. I'm looking around going, well, that's annoying because I've played the game and I've got killed, but I don't really know how. I'm not learning anything from that. Yeah. If that's possible, it makes me not want to play it.

Yeah. My favourite level on PUBG is the kill cam because I see that more than anything yeah exactly but I think if you see a kill cam press and hold X

I will thanks very much if you see a kill cam it says would you like to see how you died and the scene is somewhere completely different

to where you were and I was like well I couldn't have done anything about this then if he's able to kill me from over there fuck it

yeah unbelievable and I watched a pro player on YouTube one thing they do on PUBG well I couldn't have done anything about this then if he's able to kill me from over there fuck it yeah unbelievable and I watched a pro player on YouTube one thing they do on PUBG is they never stay still it actually makes you

quite motion sick so they do everything so quickly but they must also know if they're playing against other really good players the last thing they want to do is stay still

so they're always moving so the first person perspective is always moving. And it makes you feel sick to watch it. But for players like that and the guy who's playing the old Guitar Hero,

it becomes quite zen, I think, after a while. Oh yeah. They're amazing. It's not reactionary. They're amazing. It's just kind of like they dance.

It's like jazz. This is not me being an old man saying, oh, aren't video games really complicated these days? Aren't these guys need to get out more and meet some people that may all be true

but I'm not saying that I'm saying that it's actually very very impressive what they're able to do and it's a little bit sad really in a way because I feel like

what PUBG could do better for example is match you up with players of a similar level so you'd have more enjoyment right yeah fair I don't really do a very good job

of that in my experience but anyway anyway that's that good news for Carney Jarrod congratulations to Carney Jarrod

it's been emotional and I'm glad you got there absolutely before we go to the break Pete I would like to point out something that I think absolutely whiffs

of incel BO but you were very supportive of it the battle of to find the one true Josh that happened last week. A load of, it started off as a kind of

online kind of prank. A guy called Josh Swain looked up all the same people he could find on the internet called Josh Swain. Yeah. Did a big group message to them and said,

let's battle to see who could be the one true Josh. Yeah. It became a bit of a thing. One of those things where memes cross over into real life and they all met in a field and had a little play around, a little pretend fight with pool noodles. Yeah. And they awarded it, I think, to like a five-year-old kid, which is actually quite sweet.

But what did you make of that, Pete? I think it was, it looked like a whole lot of fun. Do you think you're the toughest Pete Donaldson in the UK? I mean, there's a jazz guy, I think there's a weatherman, and there's a deceased radio presenter called Pete Donaldson, and I don't know that many other Pete Donaldsons, to be honest. So maybe I'm part of the conversation. Maybe I could be top five.

I know for a fact I'm not the toughest Luke Moore in the UK. Yeah, footballer, innit? Yeah, he'd be harder than me. He'd be the proper athlete, wouldn't he? But has he got the fire in his belly, though? And has he got the madness that you need? Because I haven't. Yeah, he's probably more

than willing to give up than him, Luke Moore. I expect so. Maybe you could lobby for that. It's like being like when you trademark a company. Yeah, I'll try and get someone's Instagram profile.

Send everyone a cease and desist. Anyway, well done to young Josh Swain for becoming the one true Josh. All right, let's have a quick break. When we come back, we're going to do some battery brands

because it's a Thursday. See if we can get a few new players entering the game. And we've got some emails about dinosaur appendages. Oh, lovely. This week

at Sukarnov. On the latest episode of Between the Lines with Melissa Reddy, Melissa speaks to footballer Lee Nicol, who in 2019 was hacked and had intimate footage leaked online. Lee opens up about the impact it had on her and how she came back from it.

The first mental impact, it was sheer shock. It was panic attacks. It was shame. It was guilt. I think I felt every single sense of emotion. It felt a little bit like grief, as if I had lost someone, but I hadn't lost someone. The only person I think I'd lost was myself.

Meanwhile, on the latest On The Continent on Football Ramble Presents, Dotton, Andy and Magwell Delaney unpack everything surrounding the Super League and how it has changed football forever. When you watch a Champions League game, when you watch, say, Manchester United in Champions League, Real Madrid in Champions League,

it's not just a match. It's that every single minute of the match is imbued with seven decades of history. The Super League has none of that. It was getting quite

sad for that, that we were going to lose this and have to face this monstrosity. All that and a whole lot more at Stakhanov.

And we're back for the Luke and Pete show. If you like dinosaur cocks, they're here. The show at Luke and Pete show. If you like dinosaur cocks, they're here. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. If you want to get in touch, you can also see us on the Twitter and the Instagram at LukeandPeteShow.

Yes, every Thursday we do our battery brands. We ask our listeners to send in obscure battery brands they've found. We are building a compendium, a database, an encyclopedia of all the battery brands in the world, but we can only have one of each. So thank you very much to Elliot Harris, Paul17, and Crazy Windmills, who sent in the following batteries. Elliot sent in PSS Power batteries. That is like, kind of like, and another thing,

this will need batteries. PSS Power. Yeah. I think they might be of Hispanic descent I think they are new players I'm enjoying the fact that the batteries

are like Hispanic descent well they say normally they say Alkaline on them these ones say Alkalina Alkalina

does that mean it's female do all elements have do all the scientific terms have male and female as well maybe

that's not a question for me Alkalina Alcalino. I'm going to give Elliot a new player entering the game with PSS Power. Congratulations to you, Elliot.

Paul17 sent in some XL batteries. Absolutely not a new player. No way. Basic bitch of batteries. That is the 101. Yeah. And Crazy Windmill

sent in Varta. Absolutely not. Varta, no. We've had those several times. Sorry. Pete and I have even, we've actually posed outside a Varta shop Absolutely not. Varta, no. We've had those several times. Sorry. Pete and I have even, we've actually posed outside a Varta shop in Naples.

That's how old school they are. So listen, one out of three. It's not the best return in the world. Not a great haul. Congratulations to you, Elliot. Keep those battery brands sent in. Indeed. Yeah, as I said,

if you want to, I've lost my thread with my emails, to be honest. I quit out the email box and now I can't bloody find them again, which is very upsetting. I've got your back, mate. I've lost my thread with my emails, to be honest. I quit out the email box, and now I can't bloody find them again, which is very upsetting. I've got your back, mate. I've got your back. Steve has been in touch.

We have talked in recent weeks. Sounded emotional, then. We have talked. Sometimes my voice does that. Do you remember when it happened on the Ramble Christmas episode? It happened when I was talking about Gunwolf Keys. Yes, and you got emotional. It sounded like I was really whimsical about Gunwolf Keys.

Anyway, we talked last week or the week before about the fact that when you see pictures of dinosaurs artist impressions of dinosaurs even when you see

AI or sorry CGI representations of dinosaurs in movies they've never got cocks or balls or breasts or

bum holes I don't think you see a bum hole I think someone's actually sent us a picture of a dinosaur well that's what I'm going to come on to but I mean for example or bumholes. Yeah, I don't think you see a bumhole. I think someone's actually sent us a picture of a dinosaur. Well, that's what I'm going to come on to. Oh, right, okay, yeah. I mean, for example, in Jurassic Park, you'll see a big pile of Triceratops dung,

which will imply or at least allude to a dinosaur bumhole. Yeah, fair. But that's it. And Steve's been in touch saying, good evening, gents. I have nothing to report regarding dinosaur willies, but thought you might be interested in a discovery we made

at Gulliver's Valley last summer which I think is some kind of British based theme park. He says all the model slash animatronic dinosaurs there have for some inexplicable reason what Pete? Bumholes.

They've got bumholes and it's attached to a picture so whoever's put together those model dinosaurs has given them bumholes. It looks like it's quite arbitrary where they placed them as well. Yeah.

It just looks quite abnormal. Just one of those little stick-on-tee-tail holders in the kitchen. Yeah. But that is not an appendage. No. Or boobies. Something approaching an update, I suppose.

And there's another email here from John Rendell about dinosaurs. Pete, would you like to read it? Yeah. Okay. Let me go to my other document. Hello to John Rend rendall following on for the horror horrifying revelation that up to 2.5 billion t-rex may have existed over 177

generations are in a further study suggesting they may have hunted in packs despite a presumed lack of brain capacity suggesting social connectedness terrifying that is terrifying just a pack of t-rex t T-Rex is running at you. What's the collective noun? Oh, I don't know. A T-Ruck. T-Ruckus. A bomb hole of T-Rex.

However, according to this study below, the presumed speed of a T-Rex is a pathetic 2.9 miles an hour. An average human could outpace them by simply walking briskly. Not terrifying at all. That's a good point, actually. They're always really quick in IRL.

I don't see how they can be that slow. They're massive. Yeah, I don't know. One step could be... It's like leopards. They're a bit shit, aren't they? Everyone gets excited about how quick they are. No, cheaters.

Cheaters, they're a bit shit. But they're small, aren't they? They're small, yeah, but they're really quick, but they can only run for like five seconds before they overheat. Stupid animals. But like a poorly put together piece of electronic equipment. Yeah, just badly done.

Badly done. No VAR batteries in a cheetah. No, but when people talk about cheetahs' top speed, they're talking about, I mean, it's like saying a 100-meter runner can't run a marathon. Of course they fucking can't.

They're a 100-meter runner. It's the same thing. That's all they need to get the prey. But we think that we can, yeah, but apparently they're not, they're not, you know, they're not great predators even, you know, in the grand scheme of great catty predators.

Right. What's your number one? I just remember a zookeeper being very annoyed about it. He said, people talk about cheetahs all the time and they're rubbish animals. But you weren't allowed in the cheetah enclosure, were you? I don't think we even had cheetahs. This was later in life when I went to a big cat sanctuary.

Okay. And when you worked at the zoo, what kind of enclosures were you in charge of? I wasn't in charge of any of the enclosures. No, you know what I mean? Which ones were you allowed to go to? You got all of them as a zoo. You can't get in with any of the animals.

You know the question. I don't know. How many animal enclosures did you go inside? Oh, right. I went inside the chimps and the gibbons. That's dangerous though, isn't it? That is dangerous, but you've got a big zookeeper. Not a wilder.

No, the zookeeper was there with you. Yeah. Hold me hand. Elephants. Elephants. See, those horrible places where they do displays with crocodiles and stuff. Yeah. Have they dosed the crocodile?

I guess so, yeah. That's bad, isn't it? It's naughty, really. It's nice, isn't it? What do you mean? It needs to be sparkly. Look how much your cat was enjoying being sleepy.

Well, I don't know he was enjoying it. You gave him like a Woodstock style experience. Yeah, but that's fine. But I don't think if you add a whole load of mucking about with it

while it's happening, I just think that's poor. What are people doing to alligators and stuff? What are they doing? Well, you know where they go and they stay in the middle and they muck around with their jaws

and they sit on their backs and they take photos and put your thumbs up next to their big open mouth because they don't know what's happening. That's poor. And sometimes you see an alligator that snaps and grabs a guy's arm and rips it off. In a film, maybe? No, that's happened.

All right, okay, fair. You know about this. You're always on boingboing.net. Or whatever it is. If you want to know what's happening on Luke and Pete's show next week, just go to boingboing. is yeah if you want to know what's happening on Luke and Pete show next week just go to

boing boing dot net if you want to know what's happening from my side of the fence just go to what's it called

the Atlas website oh camera obscura yeah yeah alright one more email we'll squeeze it in this is from

Charlie he says alright so after your discussion of boys bedroom smells that's after I put a plaster cast for my wrist in the back of the

wardrobe as a kid or he says I have a plaster cast for my wrist in the back of the wardrobe as a kid or he says I have a slight embarrassing story I can remember now I've included this email

for a slightly different reason to what Charlie intended but it will become clear in a minute Charlie says in the town I grew up there's a annual event

just outside where basically everyone gets wrecked he doesn't explain what it is but I'm going to read the sentence as he's written it

in the town I grew up in there was an annual event just outside where basically everyone gets wrecked. He doesn't explain what it is, but I'm going to read the sentence as he's written it. In the town I grew up in, there was an annual event just outside where basically everyone gets wrecked. Birthday, really, isn't it? Yeah. It's a birthday. After the first night of this on my way home, it's a multi-night event,

I decided to stop and get a Donna Calzone. Ooh. That's sort of like a folded over pizza with Donna meat on it. I didn't even know that was a thing. Sounds lovely. I hope there's garlic sauce included. Garlic mayonnaise.

Anyway, he goes on to say that he left it in his house by accident. Left it in his bedroom for a week. Left it in his walk-in wardrobe. What was he doing in the wardrobe? Your parents have worked very hard to be able to afford you to have a walk-in fucking wardrobe. That is absolute dream stuff for me, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And you've put a Donna Calzoni in it.

I don't even know what a Donna Calzoni is. No. I've never me, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And you've put a Donna Calzone in it. I don't even know what a Donna Calzone is. No. I've never heard of it before. Delicious looking, though. Yeah. Charlie, you are a naughty sausage. He says,

I do struggle to eat Donna Calzones now. I do too, because I don't even know where you buy them from. Is it a pizza place? Is it a kebab place? The problem I have,

and this is a golden rule of takeaway facilities, in my opinion, they should specialise. If you see a takeaway place on a high street, you're not going to do this. Chinese fish and chips. Don't go near it.

Don't go near it, yeah. You want fish and chips from a fish and chip shop, kebabs from a kebab shop, burgers from a burger van, chicken from a chicken place. If they do all of it, they are jacks of all trades, master of none. Sometimes the Chinese around my end starts getting a bit fancy with the gyozas and the Japanese ramen. Not having it, mate.

No. Don't trust it. People wouldn't question that because of probably inbuilt racism. They wouldn't understand. But you'll see right through that. I've just got disgraceful. Sucking on your Vita Coco.

Would you genuinely take exception to that? Again, you've got to stick to one thing. I agree. It's the ones that do beef burgers and fried chicken that I just can't

fathom. I can't have kebabs places doing fish and chips and I can't have fish and chips places doing kebabs. So if you were to go if someone said to you today you've got an hour

to go and buy a doner calzone are you going to go to a pizza place or a kebab place? Oh right yeah just get a calzone and I'll probably do a pizza place and then get a doner

and just feed it through. Feed the slivers of meat in. That's how I'll do it. A hellish folded treat. Absolutely disgusting. On that note, on that disgusting note, we're going to wrap it up there. That has been the Luke and Pete show for this week.

We'll be back on Monday. I do believe there's a treat in store for those of you who care about this kind of thing because, Pete, I believe you're away next week. So we've got who? Jim Campbell. Big Jim Campbell. Jim Campbell from the Ramble.

He fell in a canal over the weekend. Exactly. Let's get that story in there. The man takes his prep seriously. And don't forget, he also told the story of the crappening once, which, honestly, we had to stop the recording.

It was so funny. It was a bit much, wasn't it? It will be great. So do tune in for that on Monday next week. Pete, have a lovely weekend and have a nice week away. What are you doing? I'm going to...

I don't actually know what I'm doing because my partner has booked something for my 40th birthday. Very nice indeed. It'll be a lovely surprise and you'll tell us all about it

when you get back, I'm sure. Will do. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com on the emails, at LukeandPeteShow for the Insta and the Twitter. We love hearing from you. Do get in touch with us

about all the things we've mentioned today and we'll speak to you again soon. It's goodbye from me. Bye-bye. You. It's goodbye from me. I did the intonation.

Yeah, sorry. You could just pick up. I'll do it again. And it's goodbye from me. See you later, everyone. Bye-bye. Oh, bye. see you later everyone oh my see you later this was a Stakhanov production

and part of the ACAST Creative Network