The Luke and Pete Show - Poo Particles

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

The lads hop aboard the Steven Bartlett hate train, again, and Pete accuses Luke of being just a little jealous. Elsewhere, Luke shares the tale of a house party gone horribly wrong, involving 30 mates, a wax strip, and one extremely unfortunate soul.Then it’s on to an email special, where Pete proudly declares he’d still jump into a pool even if someone had just done a shit in it…as long as it had been sieved out. His argument? “The water’s touching your arsehole anyway.” Luke isn’t convinced.Plus, the lads get curious about our new resident LAPS HGV driver…Amphetamines? Sex workers? What is the image of the long-distance trucker in 2025?Email us at [e-mail] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete Shaw identity crisis. Chick-fil-A or rather Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A again. Chick-fil-A. You can't get out your system. I'm nearly half the bottle down. I've nearly finished half a pint of Chick-fil-A sauce. I've absolutely... It's been on everything. It's been on everything I've eaten. Chick-fil-A are not brand safe. We established this last week. I know. What's brand safe? Is that a thing? Is that a thing? It's not a brand safe. No, it's not. Listen, you are a man who claims to be across and supportive of our various social issues and it would be a hard heart to doubt you on that, yet you're still absolutely lining the pockets of the bigoted owners of Chick-fil-A. I've already bought it I didn't know you informed me about it what am I going to do

pour it down the drain chuck it over a painting like just stop oil film it for a TikTok look what I'm doing. Are you on TikTok? No look what I'm doing I'm on I'm putting this Chick-fil-A sauce down the sewer I did I did some great Del Monte work in the 90s and now I'm on Chick-fil-A. And the YouTube tag should be, what's your headline? Title should be Watch me dispense of this hateful sauce. No, it would be, you won't believe what he did with his hateful sauce. Have you seen that thing about someone pointing out how Mr. Beast smiles? Right okay like sort of like... He smiles without ever using his eyes or his eyebrows. I think he's disgusting. And this guy I saw a while back was like legitimately

claiming that they had AB tested. Yeah. He's such a psychopath that he basically thinks that's got the best results so he doesn't smile authentically on purpose. Yeah I watched a promotional video for a I guess like a podcast production company today. You might have seen a bit of it as well. What are you talking about? Dario the CEO? It was Dario the CEO man. I haven't seen it but I will watch it later. And they were just talking about like how you know we can we can watch the algorithm and the data coming in and we can sort of front load and back load and reorganize our kind of show to please the algorithm. I thought I just want to end it all. Yeah it's destroying to the morale. I would love to see what this show would look like if

anyway if we went where the data was. I'd love to see probably UFOs probably very UFO heavy. Also in that in that video Stephen Bartlett apparently says he was haunted by the potential of what he had created which is a fucking amazing look I honestly see. It's a lovely line to be fair it's a lovely little kind of like that's that's too big even for you Bartlett what are you doing? I see and and and and kind consume, admittedly as little as possible, a camera from Stephen Bartlett. I just think he's awful. But I don't know how some people can say stuff like that straight face and still be really popular. Because we used to be a fucking nation of piss takers

in this country. It makes me sad how far we've fallen that we cannot bring someone into line by getting ideas above their station like that. It's just, but it's just like every successful influencer, YouTuber, podcaster, whatever, they all have to sound like the sort of Ted Talk you see at an airport for Timeshare. It's just all that and it's just... It is, the same energy. The same energy. Same energy. It is, it's horrendous. If you are unfortunate enough to be, the same energy as Penrish getting touched. It is, it's horrendous. It's got to be the day it is. If you aren't unfortunate enough to be in the same orbit as the flight studio guys on

LinkedIn, my goodness me. It's good stuff. It's like a whole different language. It's like the AI have taken over the common discourse. No one's talking about anything, they're just talking euphemistically about stories and talent. And it's just like, what are you doing? Just fucking tell us a story. Or just, I don't know.

I just, it's just, it sort of comes from that kind of, I know it's a promotional tool and stuff, but it's that kind of celebration of the of the boardroom of like, you know, films that just celebrate quite fucking innocuous decisions that were made in the creation of a Pop-Tart or a Nike or Max. Do you know what I mean? It's just like, it's just all very dull stuff really. No one's making anything. No one's writing a gag. Yeah, because people who don't know any better think,

oh, imagine being in the boardroom making big decisions. I wish I could... It's fucking boring. Like don't, don't, you don't ever want to be involved in that. You will have had, you will have had 17 different decisions like that, that year and 16 of them were an absolute stinking honking mess. But because that one, you know, because of the people, the people made your decision successful, you are taking all the fucking credit for that. Maybe it's just people needed some fucking nice shoes I don't know yeah and the thing is they don't know they don't know they just sort of go and take this popular thing

put it next to our less popular thing let's see if we can sell some fucking shoes let's stop pretending that it's important or creative or artful it's not you just taking somebody who's famous and put right in the name on the side of a fucking shoe. I also, look, I do alright. I've done alright from where I've come from. You've done alright. We're doing alright, we're doing well. Like, making money, doing okay. Like, I've never done any of the things that they say they do. But I've never, I've never knowingly woken up before 6am. Right, yeah.

But I'm never doing that. No. I've never written in a. But I'm never doing that. No. I've never written in a journal. I'm not doing that. I've never written down the top five things that work and don't work for me among my regular week meeting with other like minded entrepreneurs. I don't do that shit.

It all sounds fucking terrible. Let's get some steak in. Let's get some steak in and talk about our failures. Let's celebrate them. I talk about my failures quite a lot. If I had to do one of them, eating loads of steak would probably be the one I'd choose. Yeah, fair. I like that bit of it. I like that bit. I'd cook it though. Yeah, you would cook it to be fair. I would do that one where, you know, what Jordan Peterson did where you have to eat raw steak and butter all the time. We aren't doing that. And butter. God. That's what he was doing, isn't it?

Yeah. Made him sad, didn't it? All those hormones and stuff. Yeah. He always cries. He's always crying. I think there's quite a few of those kind of like lads who are on the turn a little bit. I think they sort of see the end, the almighty end of it all and I think they're starting to sort of pull on the reins a little bit to sort of, you know, not necessarily vault fast but sort of go, yeah I mean it is a sewer out here isn't it? There's so little, there's a lot of competition for appearance fees on Fox News now and I am missing out on some money on CNN so they're starting, you can

sort of tell they're starting to pull back a little bit. There's more thicker people sort of join the feast a little bit. I just think it feels to me like a race to the bottom. You watch any of them, like Bartlett, he doesn't say anything. No. And he also interviews and he uses every single answer as a way into talking about himself. And then you've got Jordan Peterson. We're supposed to take, look, I'm a, I'm a middle aged man, right? I'd love to be more successful, right? I'm

supposed to listen to Jordan Peterson, a 62 year old man who can't dress himself, who cries on every media appearance, it doesn't seem that homespiring to me. He's always sad. Tell a joke Jordan. Tell a joke Jordan for crying out loud. He's never once laughed at anything. No because the right can't laugh, the right can't meme, the right are too serious. They can only laugh when they're awning the libs. Someone said to me the other day, you know those MD foodie boys?

Yes, yes. I saw someone post a little clip of them, and they're only kids, I'm not having a go at them, but it was a funny line. He said, posted a clip of them talking about fucking tater tots or whatever and said, this is what women hear when they listen to Joe Rogan. Yeah, and it was just all like jelly beans. Oh, jelly beans are the most mid snack ever. It's good stuff. I can listen to more of that than Joe fucking Rogan.

I tell you what. I do. Good lads. Joe Rogan is the end of level boss of someone that stupid people think is clever. Hmm. Hey, you cannot. You're sounding a little bit jealous. You're sounding a little bit jealous, Luke, actually, so. So Joe Rogan, let's break it down.

So he's quite ripped. He's obviously rich. I'm not jealous, he's bald. He's probably quite racist. In fact, I think he is racist. Yeah, I mean, it's a mixed bag for me, to be honest. Would I like to be him? No.

Would I like to sit opposite Elon Musk for three hours inhaling cigar smoke? Not really. No. Well, look, you'd do it for that amount of money, I suppose. I wouldn't. Oh yeah, I probably would once. I would do it once. Just do one of them.

Just do one of them. We promised people an email special this show, Peter, because we didn't get through enough of them again on Monday. So shall we do that? Yeah, let's do that. Shall we just get on with it? Let's get some emails down our gullets. Let's just read the ones that have come in as they come in and react to them and see how we go.

Okey dokey. All right. And after the break, we've got to do batteries. Don't forget we've got to do battery at some point. Here we go. This is from Matt. He says, hi guys, great show. Thought you might enjoy a couple of things I've come across this week. While listening to the episode the other day when you were talking about scaffolders being obsessed with Lest We Forget.

That's a thing, isn't it? That is a thing, very much so. I found myself behind a lorry with a massive Scarface tribute on the back of it. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I love it. Now presumably that's some kind of commercial vehicle. So what message are you trying to send there? It's literally Al Pacino with Scarface with a machine gun. It doesn't really sum up weird good at scaffolding, does it?

It's just like... Well, Max doesn't think they're scaffolders. He says, I can't work out exactly what business they are but I suppose they just love the film. Exterminators maybe? It looks to me like it's just carrying some kind of cement or something. I mean obviously it's an important job but I think that is like super imposing a level of glamour that isn't quite required in the job. I'm imagining Tony Montana with a big pile of cement in front of him going ah.

Just firing fucking tommy gun bullets into him. Yeah exactly, lovely. He says also on the throw of Lest We Forget I came across this other image which I thought you might find amusing and that is a deeply respectful Lest We Forget soldier kneeling at the grave of a fallen comrade with Lest we forget under it just next to our image a little logo bumper sticker saying Clunge Magnet. Hey if we can't respect our fallen Clunge Magnets what what are we here for? Listen my granddad my granddad was a legendary legendary clunge magnet in the Second World War. Can

he help it that he's got a huge amount of respect for the dead and is also an absolute magnet to the clunge? It's not his fault, these things can coexist, can't they? Yeah, exactly. I'm fed up of fighting this war because as soon as I get home I'm going to be a magnet to the clunge again. Exactly, look it's nice to be, I'm enjoying D-Day because I may be in a parachute getting shot at but I am in the skies there is no clunge so I'm allowed a few minutes, a few minutes I'm a free man in the skies because there's no clunge in the skies. As soon as he lands though all the French women from the village are all just flocking. So they're giving the position away straight away.

Exactly. And they're going to be caught in the barbed wire. It's going to be horrible. He's going to have that on his conscience, isn't he? You know, the blood of his fallen comrades in the water, but also the clunge. If there's one thing I've learned over the years as it comes to attracting the opposite sex and there is probably only one thing, it's that people who are really successful with women don't use the word clunge. Definitely publicly claim to be, quote, clunge magnets and use that phrase. Yes, exactly.

Yeah. Legendary. Anyway, thanks for sharing that Matt. Thanks Matt. Don't think that we've ruled out that either of those images might be you. It's a bit convenient you saw both of them in the same week. Very handsome reflection in the car. Or is that just your car and your Scarface endorsed business? Peter you did the next one. I'll do the next one. Let me just scroll down. Bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap bwap our hotel when we suddenly heard loud shrieks coming from the indoor pool followed by the pool alarm going off. When we arrived at the scene we were greeted by several women huddled in the corner pointing in horror towards what could only be described as the largest human turd I have ever seen. We helped them out of the pool and then fished out this absolute

unit of a floater. Naturally the pool had to be closed for several days while we brought in an external provider to confirm that no faecal matter remained and that the pH levels were safe for swimming again. When we reviewed the CCTV footage we saw a well-known Australian sports team, we won't name them but not a soccer team, doing aqua exercises in the pool. Part way through one of the lads suddenly burst out laughing and seconds later the entire group quickly exited the water. Needless to say there was no apology from the team and the Colbert didn't short an ounce of remorse at

checkout but hey I guess there's a little crap, literal crap you have to deal with in hospitality. Keep fighting the good fight. Peace out battery daddy, hat trick hero Paul. An incredible story and boo the Australian sports team. Yeah I don't think you should have to deal with that in hospitality should you? No. It was a bit above and beyond really. Surely that's, is that hospitality that you're, sure that's pool cleaning. That's the pool cleaning, is that hospitality?

Yeah, I think if you're a pool cleaner, could you, should you expect to have to deal with that? I would say very, very rarely. Yeah, okay, no, right. I think that if you're, because, yeah, there's a pool cleaning, I get a pool maintenance I suppose you deal with. But you know when like Stuart Pierce got headbutted by Basil Bowley? Yes. And after the... and he basically got fucking one stuck on him. I think it broke his cheekbone.

Right. And after the game and the interview, Stuart Pierce said, well you know, he's just part and parcel of the game, he's got to get on with it. Not really is it? Not really. Not part of the game. Not really Stuart, no. Like someone's sticking a nut on you from nowhere. This is the same I think. I love a pool, I love swimming, don't like to see quite so much anymore for reasons, but I love a pool and if I saw that there was a poo in the pool, I reckon as long as

it was fished out, as long as a net was sifted through the general area of the poop, I'd be fine going right into that to be honest. I wouldn't have a problem with it. I think it's just theatre closing the pool for two days. I just think it is. It's just waiting for the people who were upset by it to check out in it really. You're not doing yourself any favours there. People do not want to be in the swimming pool and there's a poo in it.

I know, but I just think that bearing in mind that the water is... Doth pass across Doth bumhole. Doth. Everyone's bumhole is being basically washed by the pool. There will be fecal matter in your eyes in your mouth in your ears That is just the reality of things So I'm just saying that says he doesn't like being the same room when someone else farts because they're basically poo particles Yeah, but I mean if you yeah, but like that's life though in it like we're all just disgusting

Disgusting so you're going into the swimming pool on holiday at the hotel with your daughter I'm not gonna bring her into this. I'm not going to. Just you then. Just you. You are happy. So what's the radius you're comfortable with? It depends on how big the pool is. Olympic sized. I mean, I could swim. I don't do length so I'll just stay in that end. So in an Olympic sized pool which is 50 meters, if there's a poo right at one end and you're at the other end, you're fine with that? I'm absolutely fine with it. What about if it crosses halfway? What if the poo is in the middle? I would probably

hover near the vents. I'm just saying, you made this claim, I just want to know when you think it will become a problem. I just think it's fine. You've got like, it's not fine. It is, but I just think people poo in pools all the time, children and that. When I was on holiday, I mean, this is probably what Paul's mentioning. When I was on holiday last year, they closed the pool for two separate days while we were there because a kid took a poo in it. And if you go on a Disney hotel, by the way, any Disney owned hotel, no kid that's not potty trained

is allowed to go in the pool. So basically they don't allow swim nappies. Oh really? Right. Okay. Oh, that's a risky one. That could be an American wide thing actually, but it's definitely a Disney thing. I know for a fact because I've seen the signs when I've been there. Interesting. Well that's a risky one. That could be an American-wide thing actually, but it's definitely a Disney thing. I know for a fact because I've seen the signs when I've been there. Interesting. Well, that's interesting. They're obviously thinking about it. Meanwhile, you're here going, well, as long as it's not more than six feet away from

me, less than six feet away from me, I don't care. Yeah, I just think I have a healthy understanding of what a pool is. It's just a big, you're a big, you're just all tea bags and the water is the tea and you're just, and you're allowing water to pass across your buttocks, across your tits, in your vagina, on your balls. Like all of these things are happening and they're in the pool and... How do you feel about, I don't know if this was an urban myth or not, but do you remember people used to say that like, oh there's certain pools, if you do a wee it comes up a different colour? Yeah I think that was, that can't be right can it?

Did that happen? No because people pee, like a little bit of wee will be on your clothes, you know what I mean? You just be like... Yeah but I'm saying I would never pee in a swimming pool. No I wouldn't either, that's an insane thing to do. But you're saying, because, wheeze aren't as bad as poos. Yeah, but like kids are wheezing all the time, so what's the difference? What is the difference? It's not sterile, is it? Apart from people sort of say it's sterile. It's not sterile. So, urr.

It's all urr, isn't it? You choose your level of exposure to it, don't you really? Would you whee in the ocean? Yes, I'd whee in the ocean. Did you have a little wee when Abraham rescued you that time? I didn't have time. It might have propelled me away from the rip tide. Because you know, a friend of mine, I don't know if I told you this, but we were at a house party once and a friend of mine, did I tell you the story about the friend of mine was moving our friend this girl's handbag and these wax strips came out of it. I'll tell you about that. No, no. I basically, this is a good story. So my mate was having a house party and it was his own house.

He was pretty young, but he owned his own house pretty young. It's quite a nice house as well. And so he had this all over after the pub once had like an impromptu house party, loads of people there, about 30 or 40 people there. And one of our other friends, she was moving her handbag or he was moving her handbag or whatever. And these wax strips for waxing your legs came out, fell out. And he was like, Oh, what are they? She's got their wax strips. And he's like, Oh, can you wax my back? Right. And she was like, yeah, that'd be fun. I'm up for that. And obviously drink had been taken. Some people were smoking weed. A few things had been going on. Right. So people were, you know, three sheets of the wind and all that good stuff.

And yeah, myself included as he decides that he wants to get it is back wax with these wax strips. Right. So we got up, we all got up to the bathroom, piled into the bathroom and he strips down to his white Calvin Klein pants. Right. And gets in the bath. Right. And our other friend and her friend, two of our girlfriends basically, were starting to put the wax strips on his back. Yeah. And so they put them on and they start waxing his back and he goes, Oh, it's too painful. Stop, stop, stop. And bear in mind, he's feeling a bit lightheaded because he's had a smoke and he's had a drink. He stands up in the bath, faints, and then shits his pants. In a pair of white Calvin Klein shorts.

Oh, that's... You're not having sex with anyone. And it absolutely stank. It stank so bad. You fully realise, you know when someone goes for a poo and the poo goes under the waterline it stops it smelling so bad? Yeah. Like there was none of that going on. None of that, it was very rich. He basically filled his pants with a gigantic shit, right? And everyone was like, it was like in front of 30 of his friends.

And if you had been there you'd have been like, well that's okay, I'm only in the same room as him, it's fine. Yeah that's fine, you know, these things happen. I just think you, no man left behind, I would be helping out. Poopy pans boy. We did, we did kind of protect his dignity somewhat because obviously he had passed out and like, we were like, everyone get out and, and you kind of came around and stuff. But like it was fucking horrible. He did that as well? Oh my God. This guy's in real trauma.

It was absolutely horrendous. Anyway, let's do this email here from Martin. He says, hey guys, listen to the pod from 13th to March. I want to make a catch up. I just want to put myself forward as the official trucker of the pod. Oh, long distance Clara. Long distance Martin. He says, you've got an official pilot that helps you up with questions, so I thought I could do the same. You got an email from a listener about poppies up the side of an HGV in London. As a truck driver

this is very common. Why may you ask? Well, most truck drivers have served in the forces and are yes, white, racist, angry, fat men. This is Martin saying this about his fraternity, not us. He says, I've been doing this job for nine years plus and the amount of times you hear a slur from a man in their f50s is insane and don't get me started on the sexism. Also Luke said about a pallet of salmon going on a plane you would be surprised what gets sent abroad. I know a driver whose work would be to transport a fridge trailer from Motherwell to Heathrow Airport and the Scottish salmon went all the way to New York.

Love the pod Martin. See you in Glasgow with my mate Jack for the Ramble Live Show. I can't wait. I mean what a wonderful thing for a fish to be swimming around in those waters and then suddenly find itself in New York. Yeah, it's kind of amazing. You can join a slice. Yeah, but yeah, I didn't really sort of think, we weren't really, I guess, talking about

the HGV drivers, but I guess a lot of HGV drivers are ex-forces. That's probably a good sort of progression. Have you got any questions for the official trucker of the pod, Peter? about HGV drivers are ex-forces. That's probably a good sort of progression. Have you got any questions for the official trucker of the pod Peter? Yes. Do you still take loads like boatloads of amphetamines? Which seems to me like the two things I think of when I think of like long-distance trucking in the US particularly is amphetamines and sex workers basically. Yeah that joke on Top Tips on Viz where he said people say that

HGV drivers have a bad reputation but one of them once gave me a bag of women's clothes for free. It's a good story. The subtext there is. I mean pretty much every HGV driver in the North East sort of area in the 70s, it was Yorkshire Ripper. Yeah, at one point the manhunt for the Yorkshire Ripper, I think involved a suspect list of, it was like something ridiculous, like a hundred thousand men. Yeah.

And like, some of it was almost saying to me, who was it? Someone was saying that like, it was down to like every single man in the UK with one certain accent and owned a certain colour of coat was interviewed by the team. Absolutely wild, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I guess they interviewed him a few times the actual Yorkshire Ripper. Is this disrespectful to Martin and his trade this? Well you've alluded to murder at the Yorkshire Ripper and I've talked about amphetamines and sex workers. Do you you know those plastic seals that you get at the back? Oh yeah. Are you allowed to break those seals or that you get at the back? Oh, yeah, are you?

Allowed to break those seals or is that only for the people who are? Receiving the goods at the end you know they have a plastic seal around it But I think that's the whole point of the seal in it. Yeah, so you know when tampered with why do you always overtake other trucks? Is that a nice shit on me? I'll tell you what you mean Yeah, but one of them maybe something of thinks that truck is going really, really slow. No, one of them is limited to 55 miles now, the other one is limited to 60, so he can't wait beyond, he has to overtake in the middle of the motorway.

How long is the long... have you ever pulled one of those houses where you have two cars that have to go with you to escort you down the motorway? Oh, I love those. You know those big houses things. You never actually see those houses in situ, you just always see them on the roads. Don't they go into like static caravan parks or something? I guess so, but like they just seem a bit too wide. I mean if I went down Canvey I'd probably see a few. Can you see yourself, I can see in your future a static caravan park. Oh well I was going to say SUV driver. It's actually an ex-Radio DJ's just started doing that,

that I know. Lucio? Yeah, no, no, no, he's a train driver, Lucio. Oh, that's right, train driver, that's right. But, oh, I've got a little sugar babes bump in my hair. Remember the sugar babes? You used to have that little bump in the hair. Yeah, I could see myself,

because I think every bloke who's got a bit of a hectic sort of life maybe a bane at home chaos in every aspect of the life they can't you know they've got this and that I think they look to truck driving and sort of go that's a bit of me that you know I mean solitary not being bothered by anyone I think my dad if he could if my dad could drive I think he probably would have been a long distance truck driver Yourself here. Yeah. Yeah, I could see I could definitely see myself But the but it's solitary and you would go even more insane like you

Radio shows. Yeah, I Would need I need humans around me to keep me on the straight and narrow I would need, I need humans around me to keep me on the straight and narrow. I've not seen that much evidence of that. Um, Loki, before we chip off, we've got to do some fucking batteries. Oh, fucking hell, I forgot. Well, good job long distance Donaldson has got his wits about him. Probably another washout, will it? We're going to the end of the line with this, people aren't stepping up. There's a little video game that allows you to practice reversing big long trailers into spots, into like little parking spots.

Yeah, there's loads of simulator type games like that, isn't there? Yeah, it's really complex how you can manoeuvre something like that into such a small space. It's incredibly creative. Anyway, Phil. All right, lads, I opened up my son's dreadful plastic DJ abomination on my wife's instructions. I was convinced it was broken but I was instructed to validate this by changing the batteries. Found these little beauties inside. Any love for three circles? Or three circles

with the number? Helping Lukey with the search there. As an aside the circles were indeed to blame and sadly the battery changes restored the DJ set to full working order. Maybe our next thing could be we could find the the most obnoxious child's toy and you can send little sound files of the audio of the horrible noises. My sister gave my son a walk along like keyboard. Okay right. You know like in that famous scene in the film Big. Oh yes yeah yeah. Mark has given me one of them. Oh my son. Oh my son. He runs up and down it. It's absolutely crucifying. It's how Beethoven got started. I can't take it often because I just feel too mean.

Can you not just turn it down a little bit? No, it's really basic, it's just on and off. Open it up, put a sock in front of the speaker, there we go. Fixed. Possible fire hazard, but fixed. I'll just give them a screwdriver and tell them to do it. Three circles, they're the sixth version of that particular brand, so not a new player. Nice to see them, I like the branding. To be fair, the kids' DJ set thing looks pretty cool,

but they're not a new player, I'm afraid. I'm sorry to say that to you, Phil, but that's just the sixth person to send those in this time. That is a shame. Onto William's nomination, which is Nan Feng, double A, and PK Cell, double A. I mean, just, I mean, Nan Feng I know we've definitely had before. 21 times Nan Feng's been sent in. I would have expected more Nan Feng's in the old email box, but well done. And PK Cell is like, I was 25, so I need a bit more. Sorry William, there's no new players there either. What's the last one? William for getting involved. And PK Cell is like, I was 25 so I need a bit more. 25s, okay. Sorry William, there's no new players there either.

What's the last one? Yeah, nice pictures though. Thank you for that, mate. And Julian, Julian! Hello, LapsLads. Long time enthusiast here. First I'm dipping my pen into the murky ink of correspondence. Well, good to have you along Julian and thank you for getting a touch.

I was doing some motherfucking gardening the other day and as I was digging out a hole to plant an aspiring sapling I spotted something glistening and tantalising from deep within the Southland and clay. Was the myth about to become reality? Could the legends be true? Behold the Golden Sun! Have I unearthed a prehistoric cell from another time or is it just some kind of complicated or daring hawks? Yes, Golden Sun. So I think Golden Sun according to my search is a new player. Yes! Sun, sun, little golden sun, please shine down on me. No one else has sent those in as far as I can tell so it's a brand new player.

Congratulations to you, Julian. What a dig, what a find, what a gardening glove. If you sort of dig around and you find some old Roman coins you're not allowed to keep them are you? You've got to kind of, haven't you? Half to you, half to the land owner I think. Yeah okay so I guess Julian it counts because those Golden Sun batteries were rotting away in his planters. How do you feel about that ratio? 50% to you, 50% to the land owner. Pissed take, absolute pissedick. What do you think it should be? Well it's like, it's like my, like I've done the speculation there, I've invested in a trowel and I've done me digging around. You've made fair land. 75% yeah well. They already own it technically. Don't let me on, don't let me on. Don't let me on, if you're gonna, if you're gonna, if you're not

gonna let me keep 75% of it, don't let me on the fucking field of person. Do your own digging, dickhead. Alright then, I won't let you on. Alright, fine. Well then those Roman coins will be remaining. Do you know what I'll do? I'll get the stuff, the treasure in my land dug up by a more reasonable treasure hunter. I'll dig in from an adjoining...

If you go tunnel. Yeah, I'll make a little tunnel. And I won't be needing a metal detector because I'll be in among the bones and the and the doubloons, won't I? And you hear, me the landowner, I'm walking out onto my field and I can hear a little bit of movement underneath the ground. I cut my ear to it and all I hear is like a little bit of scrape, scrape, scrape. It's fucking 25% or nothing, you cunt. Bit of scar, bit of scar punk on the, on the, uh punk on the Bluetooth speaker. I'm pulling all the carrots

from like in a cartoon from below. Yeah that's good. You like the Super Mario Bros 2. You like Chuck and Turnips everywhere. Yeah exactly. Love it. Love all that. Get your messages coming. Please keep this battery featured. Maybe you've discovered some treasure. Maybe you've dug something up and have to give a donation to the landowner and you're fuming about it. Email us if that's the case. Have you dug anything up that's good? Have you dug anything up that's really bad? Let us know hello at LukePetro.com.

We'll be back on Monday for all of that. If you are in your garden this weekend, hey, you know what a trow looks like. Get digging. Get digging. Dig for victory. Dig for victory. V for victory. V for victory. Loose lips sink ships. We'll be back on Monday.

Have a good one. See you later, Luke. She's not so done. Keep calm and carry on. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.