The Luke and Pete Show - Read-ing festival

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

Pete’s been on Facebook Marketplace again… What he’s found is predictably strange and, of course, unnecessarily explicit.Once we’ve recovered from that, we then host our very own email read-out festival headlined by petrol pumps, an atomic wedgie gone wrong and Tamagotchis. It’s a beautiful lineup!What to be on the lineup for our next festival? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete show on a Monday That's nice That's nice It's good that I did that Oh yeah I just got really excited

started doing it Sounds good Sounds great Hey Luke Did you notice the um the little um uh facebook marketplace uh thing i found about 10 minutes before the show what is what's happened to me uh i will put it on the luke and pete show group okay let me have a look you carry on talking and i'll have a look it was a trolley oh yeah i did see that tell people about

that it's very odd it is very odd and i like to think that I am a connoisseur of all things Facebook and Marketplace-y. And I spotted this about 10 minutes before we started the show. Somebody's made, you know like when you put a pound coin in the trolley to release it? I've got a token that's shaped like a football. Now, I didn't realise these existed.

I thought you could only have... So they are pound coin shaped sort of keys. Yes, they probably were getting something out of a vending machine, I expect. It's the same weight and dimensions as a pound coin, yeah. Yeah, like Top Cat, where you used to pull it out with a string. Yeah. So I didn't even realise that there was such a thing as a token or a key that would unlock these things.

I thought you just had to use a pound coin every time. But Luke has relied on it. Get it back at the end. That you can, yeah, that you can use these like a key. And someone has made these penis-shaped trolley token sort of to fit on a key ring. And it's quite graphic, hairy balls and shafts. It's a cock and balls. It's a cock and balls that you ram into the back of,

if the patriarch hasn't done enough damage, ram it into the back of a supermarket trolley. And it's basically, it says, the inscription on the Facebook marketplace, it's just a cock. And you'd have a cock on your keys for you using a supermarket trolley. It's terrible.

And they've listed it as trolley tokens perfect for hen and stags. What, have you got the hen do to fucking Sainsbury's? Got the hen do to Sainsbury's with a cock and ball key. And why would you need so many of them? You don't need... Also...

Trolley tokens for a bit of fun. I'm not sure, like, cock and balls are traditionally the symbolism of a stag weekend. No, exactly, yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't think... I'm trying to think. You rarely see...

What is the inflatable... The lads thing is, like, usually a sex doll or a sheep, isn't it? And for ladies, it is an inflatable penis. So that is... The inflatable penis is... And possibly a male sex doll are a sheep, isn't it? And for ladies, it is an inflatable penis. So that is the inflatable penises and possibly a male sex doll as well. Can I just say, like, last week on the social media,

Rory, producer Rory, no doubt fuelled by you, Donaldson, clipped out a very non-contextual piece of me saying I had sex in the car with a man and got hella pees. And if he doesn't do the same for what you've just said there about cocks and balls inflatable cocks and sex dolls I'm gonna cry double standards that's what I'm gonna do it's not funny when you get taken apart by the

socials no I'm sorry it's not funny when I do it yeah it's funny when you do it yeah I understand the double standards exist I think I think it's crucially the main question around this facebook marketplace thing which by the way i did kind of flirt with the idea of using when i had to sell some stuff but i couldn't bring myself to do it so i never did it um have they sold any of those cock tokens it's a good point actually i don't know how you'd sort of find out. How many left in stock? That's between them and their tax man. So they've basically made that as a product and are selling it on Facebook Marketplace,

not a second-hand kind of item that's no longer wanted. Is that still... I guess so. I mean, it kind of looks like something I made in CDT when I was little. Did you ever have, like, a year where they were really into, like, hard sort of plastic resin that you would make into a little key fob, a little key ring.

I cannot tell you how unengaged I was in CDT. Yeah. I got good scores, but then what took the shine off was me getting my hand caught in a belt sander, a circular sander rather, and Mr Armstrong driving me to the hospital just pumping out blood from my finger. Sure. And him going, I mean, you see, I mean, you're good at CNET, but I just don't think the practical side is your kind of bag.

I was just having a pop at you while you were bleeding out. Oh, he was having a pop at me when I had a hand in the sander. He was like, get your hand out of that sander, he shouted. I was like, it wasn't my choice. Who did it? The sander did it. Yeah, but why were you putting your hand out of that sander he shouted I was like it wasn't my choice who did it the sander did it yeah but why were you putting your hand in it

I was feeding some wood into it and the wood sort of flipped up like a little skateboard and I you know my finger took it's place

have you still got have you still got a scar still got the scar my finger's a little bit weird hang on where's the where's the camera you see that oh yeah you can

yeah you can yeah you can weird friend of there's a bit of city yeah you can weird friend of mine Adam Prickett good guy he put a sewing needle through his finger

well he did then Prickett he did Prickett but right through his finger now massively lived up to his name there lovely all the way through his finger now oh that's fucking gross

yeah and the other day someone shared with me a load of photos they found it was someone of i've we follow each other on instagram i haven't actually seen him since school but he popped up all right look how you're doing i saw these old photos and i shared he shared them with me and one of them was a picture of adam prickett and he looked so handsome i couldn't believe it right okay it just looked incredible and he was also really successful with the girls when we were at school.

And I was always a bit like, all right, I guess some people just are, some people aren't. Look at the back of it now. I can definitely see why he was. He looked amazing. I'm going to show you a picture of him. I'll hold him up to the camera. Okay, cool. I want to see a picture of this absolute spunk.

Look, check this out. Look at that. What a 90s handsome kid. Yeah, absolute, absolute smoke show brilliant yeah dream by yeah i'm just pleased i was friends with him it's like long romare yeah he does it looks great he looks great good on him i don't know what he's doing good on him good on him i think he's doing all right for himself good on him yeah and peter i did promise on thursday we talk a bit about the last of us but you haven't got around to actually seeing any of it yet but what i wanted to say was I know it's probably been talked about a lot

and I don't want to be cliche driven with it, but I do want to say that episode three of that series was one of the best TV episodes I've ever seen in my life. So I saw a screenshot from this episode, and if it is about the thread that I think it's about, a gay male relationship it is right

that was the most affecting part of The Last of Us the video game for me yes presumably what comes afterwards it's dialed up by a million

but I've never seen I had to stop it twice because it was so overwhelmingly emotional that I couldn't get through it yeah it's remarkable for so loads of reasons i think when the dust has settled and you've seen it and it's not going to spoil it in our listeners i'll talk about it a bit more depth i've got quite a lot of

thoughts about it i've um i've kind of developed quite a few angles on why it's so good but i'd love to hear from my listeners if they if they if they share that opinion because i've heard a couple of people say i thought it was a bit slow and that was what let it down. But for me, it was just pitch perfect. I think when, I mean, literally just days before the first episode dropped, and I don't know why people do this, because they just always look rather foolish, but a lot of video game voices, let's say,

were very, were just very kind of like, yeah, I mean, why do we need this? And the director of The Last of Us was talking about the video game, and they were talking about kind of video games like The Last of Us was the only video game that allowed, or the first video game that allowed people to feel anything about their characters, which is obviously not true. It's absolutely fucking poppycock. And so people got quite defensive about the director being a bit of a dickhead

and sort of talking about video games like the one he's working to reimagine as a TV show being the only important video game in a world full of trash in the video game sphere. So people got very defensive and people were, you know, possibly quite rightly sort of going like, why do we need The Last of Us TV show when the video game's been out for probably cracking on for 10 years? And then as soon as it came out, people were like, this is fucking brilliant. This is endlessly fucking great. I totally agree. I've played the game.

I've enjoyed it. That type of game is not necessarily the style of game I enjoy playing but I recognise it for what it is and the first episode of the TV series was very very faithful to the opening premise

of the game which I think stood it in good stead but I think episode 3 I think it's called Long Time I think it's called as far as I know

because I didn't finish The Last of Us so i don't i don't know how far i got into the game when compared to where the tv series is going to go but it's a completely different storyline i mean it features a prominent character from the game it's a completely different storyline yeah and okay it's just it's just very very well it reminded me a bit of um are you familiar with Breaking Bad? Yes, yes, I am. There's an episode of Breaking Bad called Lily of the Valley.

I think it's called that. People who are listening will know what episode I mean. A very similar ending aesthetically to that Last of Us episode. And I think instantly it's right up with some of the very best tv episodes i've seen um i really i really do think like instantly it was it was like properly classic like really really good like there's a couple of um like vintage wire episodes a couple of vintage surprise episodes a couple of vintage breaking bad episodes which for me i would put

right up there and this stands up alongside all of them. And I think part of the reason it's so good is because it achieves something that none of those other series did, which is that it made it possible for you to really give a shit and care very deeply about characters that you literally only just met.

Most of the time the characters are built up over seasons and seasons and seasons and you fall in love with the characters and you get to know the characters across a long period of time this is basically all done in one episode which is yeah an incredible achievement i think i thought it's absolutely fantastic i can't think of anything better i've seen in all my years of watching TV. I genuinely think it's that good. Fantastic. Oh, well, I'm going to try and get a couple of eps under my belt that's getting larger by the second. I'd love you to.

I'd love to know what you think about it. And if you had a different opinion of it, I'd welcome that as well. Should we break with tradition and just squeeze one email in before the break and then do a few more after? Because we've got so many to get through. Is that OK? Shown's cracking and put one out i'd like to start off with a couple about um school days because we talked a bit about um childhood horseplay for want of a better phrase when does horseplay become unacceptable though in the 90s no one knew

when does horseplay? When blood appears. Because that can happen accidentally, right? I guess so. But yeah, but either way, if blood appears, you've got to sort it out. You've got to patch someone up, haven't you? Yeah, true. I mean, the thing is, by the way, sorry if you hear a bit of noise in the background. That's the bigger boys in my house.

At least it's authentic. At least you know it's happening. The thing about the blood is not always the case because I remember having a lovely bit of horse blood with a few friends when we were kids and one of them pushed the other one over a fence by accident and he split his chin open. Next thing you know, his blood everywhere, you're in hospital. Didn't mean anything by it.

Oh, so the horse blood continued in the hospital then? No. Right, okay. It's a fair point. All right, so Neil's been in touch. Hello to you, Neil. He says, hi, guys. Following on from the posties and wedgie chat, Pete, do you remember the postie chat I told

you about? Posties? I don't remember posties. Where you grab people by the legs and pull their cock and balls into the lamppost. That's right. Yeah. Nice, Colt. Like it.

I'm not endorsing it. I'm just saying it happened. It just happens. Neil says, following on from the posties and wed to chat, do either of you remember petrol pumps? What do you mean? I remember petrol, yeah, of course I remember petrol pumps.

No, but as a kind of bullying move. Oh, no, I don't remember petrol pumps. So you put someone on their back on the floor, you kneel on their shoulders and

you kind of do that with their arms? Oh, yeah, they're absolutely agonising. Yeah, that would really hurt that i mean that's a rotator cuff injury yeah right there isn't it so neil says um we used to get a kid on their back straddle the victim he's admitted it by the way stick our bony and pointy kneecaps right up in their armpit or over the shoulder and force the

arm up and down while shouting petrol pump over and over again it really hurt um also this is a good bit, I almost received an atomic wedgie, which of course is when the pants go right up over your actual head, an atomic wedgie from a bigger boy at school. Luckily, my cheap market stall boxers ripped, as did my anus,

and the kid ended up with a pair of boxer shorts ripped to tatters, probably with a gusset of blood and shit as they flossed me before falling apart. I know in in the early 2000s they were still on the toilet block roof as they were visible from the hallway to the headmaster's office and my mate's little brother informed me they were still there four years later that's the thing neil that's what i like about um about school stuff there's so much firefighting that has to be done as a caretaker. Getting on a roof and retrieving, I don't know, a bike wheel. A pair of shitty pants.

A pair of shitty pants, a pair of jeans, some shoelaces. Like, it's not even up, like, in the bottom 10% of things you have to do that day. You know, you've got your major sawdusting. You've got to put sawdust down for vomit. You've got to fix broken doors doors fire exits and stuff you've got to keep up with the regs in the school but i think with with when something's on the roof there's just no reason to be on the roof is there the great lc is a um a school is he's responsible for a team of caretakers around the district where he lives nice oh i bet he's seen some stories he's

doing some he's always doing really interesting stuff. Like one minute he'll get a phone call and there'll be like a flood. So he has to go down there and sort it out. Or a kid's ripped a sink off the wall so he has to go and get it fixed. I imagine it's probably quite frustrating, but it's very interesting work. He's never told me about getting kids underwear

from the top of buildings, but if I were him, I wouldn't be telling other people about that work either. I mean, I would say, I mean, out there, there's active shooter drills. I think Pants on Roofs, probably down there on the Peckinard Road. Doesn't even get a mention.

No, exactly. Alright, let's have a break. When we come back, we'll do a couple more emails to see us home. And we've got another one about school as well. So look out for that. Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate.

Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. We're back with Luke and Pete Shaw. I'm Pete Donaldson, joined by Luke Moore, and we're doing a bit of an email readout festival. We're going to be reading out a lot of emails. An email readout festival? Who's playing? A big readout festival. Yeah, I don't know.

Pulp and the band The Manic Shreve Preachers. You could have done a reading festival, like Reading Festival. I know, but I didn't. Then we could have set fire to a port-a-loo. Exactly. Dave has got in touch. I'm going to jump in. Dave, we're talking about atomic wedgies and pants on roofs.

Hello, gents. The posty bullying chat reminded me of something similar at our school. This was the late 90s or early 2000s. In our school grounds, there was a low-hanging tree where one of its main branches went horizontal. Multiple people would grab one person and sit them on the stride, the low horizontal branch, before grabbing both legs and pulling downwards, particularly viciously.

It wasn't pleasant. School days were mad, weren't they? All the best, Dave. I think if you, I mean, you can manipulate your genitalia to avoid getting damaged there. How are you agreeing to get up there? That is some

operation, getting up on that is some operation getting well yeah yeah it's a lot of work isn't it i suppose but you know these things happen clearly it reminds me of the all-time great um post and video from the all-time great twitter account decent patter you know decent patter decent patter no decent patter is like a scottish culture i'll say culture probably not the right word but a scottish culture i'll say culture is probably not the right word but a scottish content twitter page oh right where they they aggregate videos that people have sent in of just maniacal crazy things that happen to scottish people so like okay right one of them is like a guy walking out of a pub and there's a dog sitting there and he says to the dog see you

later and the dog actually lifts his paw up and waves at him. One of them is like a bunch of blokes in a pub trying to wake their mate up because he's too drunk and they can't so they put a carbon dark

so fire extinguisher in his face for like 15 seconds. Right, okay, yeah. There's loads of that kind of stuff. It is an amazing account. It's probably my favourite account on Twitter. That bloke going, that bloke getting run over by a bus.

Yeah, that one. That, exactly that. That would probably be where it came from. getting run over by a bus yeah that one that exactly that that would probably be where it came from anyway there's a video on that where there's a bunch of kids on their way over to school because they're all in like

tracksuits or whatever and they've got backpacks on so I think they're on their way over from school right and there's a lot of blokes showing off kids showing off

mucking about on this tree on this branch which is quite high up and it's kind of wobbling a lot and this one guy's bouncing up and down on it and everyone this branch which is quite high up and it's kind of wobbling a lot and this one guy's bounced up and down it and everyone's filming him and he bounces up and down it loses his balance falls over backwards and the little knot on the branch hooks onto his trousers and pants and completely debags him he's suspended down, hung by his trousers and pants

with completely billy bollocks and he can't get out. Yeah, okay, nice, I like that.

you can imagine the delight that his friends are enjoying and there's just no recovering from that. There's no

come back on it and it's also, you watch it 50 times and it's still ridiculously funny. He'll be thinking about that for a

very long time. And if that had happened to us, it could have happened to us in the mid-90s and no one would know about it now. Hmm. Because it wouldn't have been filmed. That would be, yeah, I suppose so. I mean, a kid's shame kind of,

it sort of lives through, it has its own life, I suppose. If something terrible happens to you, invariably it's getting filmed these days. But all of the bad things that happened to us wasn't filmed. Great. Oh, man, you would have had a YouTube channel as a young teenager,

and it would have been so embarrassing now. Yeah, absolute cringe, as they say. Yeah, it would be, massively. Yeah. Everything I do now, I've got one now, and I'm just as cringe, so don't worry about it. No excuse. You're right. Let's do this email from Andrew.

This is about Tamagotchis. Do you remember, Pete, we talked about Tamagotchis a while back tamagotchis yes and i was i just figured out tama tamagore egg uh like a couple weeks ago on it we talked about tamagotchis i believe i think so yeah sounds about right um check this out so andrew from massachusetts has been in touch he says hi again i just want to share the knowledge that tamagotchchi's never really went away. It always had releases, not just in Japan, but even in the West every couple of years at most. The fad obviously died off,

but it remains a niche hobby with a dedicated community. The name comes from Tamagotchi's Pete Betcher Plus Watch or Tomodachi Me and Friend. Also, I have 50 of them. Said with confession and not pride, Andrew from Massachusetts. And then he follows up with another email saying update on the tamagotchi front i sold one last night for thirteen hundred dollars ikura desk car how much thirteen hundred dollars tamagotchi a lot of money

i don't there's no explanation to that is it just because they're so collectible i just i just presume that like you would, for that amount of money you'd want like a, it would have to be like a boxed one maybe with the, I just, I just don't have enough patience to not unwrap something. You know what I mean? Like, I just think that it's like,

I've got good condition stuff, but they've all been unwrapped and I just sort of get the feeling that, you know, 1,300. Do people really need that, that pre more sort of 80s, 90s tech in their lives? 1,300. Mad, isn't it? Absolutely mad.

Speaking of which, by the way, speaking of Eastern popular culture, have you seen that show on Netflix, Physical 100? I saw, we watched the trailer. It's really good. Yeah, it does look great. It's a bit like Squid Game, but for muscle boys.

It's just like a Korean... Yes, it's like Squid Game, but obviously no one dies. But it's a lot of physical challenges, but they don't kind of distinguish between men and women or different disciplines. They've basically found that what they think is the hundred fittest and strongest people in Korea, including some people who seem to be really famous in korea like to the point of where like one of the guy

walks in he's this um this very very very um respected and storied i think he's about 47 now mma fighter called chung son hyun something like that and they're stunned when he walks in like he's obviously hugely famous in korea but he's in it yeah and they do these different challenges and if you lose you're out basically trying to find the strongest person the first challenge was to hang from this um kind of apparatus above this water for as long as possible yeah um to see who gets ranked for the first proper game and they'll have to hang there and They basically had the most decorated Korean gymnast in history on the show. So he's won gold medals at the Olympics.

You'd imagine he'd be... Spoiler alert, he was brilliant at that one. He looked like he was out for a walk in the park. He was out there for about 20 minutes hanging out. Are they all hanging at the same time? So they all drop like um two pounds for 50 to 50 each right group one and group two it's like kind of like uh like dropping it oh it's it's that's that's an

interesting concept but a nightmare for the camera people if you're trying to film 50 people at once and someone you haven't got the camera on the person who's falling it's really well produced they've obviously put a lot of money into it but anyway the point i was gonna make is obviously on that hanging challenge the big the big units i don't last very long but that's fine because they always get put in a rank and the second game the first proper game if you like is um i call it a one-on-one death match where they go into this arena one-on-one for three minutes there's a ball in the middle and whoever's holding the ball then in three minutes goes through and the other one goes home okay right it's just 50 50 and um but what's really interesting about it is of course the people who hung longest on that apparatus got to choose their

opponents the first 50 got to choose the next 50 opponents right but what i found fascinating is the differences in culture between korea and say here they here, they don't seem to be able to trash talk an older person. Oh, because of what? They have to respect people? Yeah, so you'll be like a young buck. He's like a YouTube fitness guy or something. He's ripped and obviously looks like he'd be really arrogant. He picks a guy and he says something along the lines of,

I respect you a great deal and i think you are absolutely fantastic i just hope if i can to beat you but if not i will have great pride and it's like it's not really like you have in the in the uk where they would just be like get fucked granddad i'm going to take you down kind of thing yeah or like um boxers who are you know playing wembley at the weekend playing wembley playing wembley we're Wembley baby play the hits and they're being absolutely horrific there was one guy who was a I guess was in the

same discipline as this very well respected who you know decorated MMA fighters 47 year old guy he seems to be

really famous and he got to choose his opponent but out of respect and pride he said he chose that guy he said it would be very it would be like it would be shameful for me to not pick you.

Right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But obviously he just got battered. So what are you doing? You're supposed to try and win. What's going on? You picked the hardest guy, isn't it? Be tactical, for crying out loud. I'm picking that six-year-old child.

Yeah, but some of the men did pick the women. Right, okay, yeah, fair. And a couple of the women beat the men and stuff it's really it's a really interesting show it's it's it's kind of quite reality tv done but it's it's interesting enough and original enough to be really worth watching this i think as it gets through the um the series towards the the real kind of cream of the crop, it will start to become really interesting, I think. I think, because I've been watching that YouTube channel that just basically goes through all these Hollywood guys and how to spot someone who's on this and that,

the juice, so to speak. When you watch those muscle men, I sort of go, I mean, they're going to tire very quickly. There's very few examples of absolute muscle monsters. Their endurance isn't quite as good. Yeah, definitely. They're carrying a lot of stuff. In that death match thing, like three minutes even,

wrestling on the floor with another strong person for three minutes is fucking hard. Yeah. They get knackered so fast. And doing it with erection, just so horny. It's quite funny because each contestant has got a plaster of Paris torso of their own torso yes of their body

yes that was a nice vibe and when they get knocked out they have to smash it up in the show yeah funny it's a good show it's interesting

it's pretty original it's not really I'm not a reality TV guy really unless it's Gordon Ramsay but I've enjoyed that anyway Peter were you going to

say something I thought you were going to say something that was weird I was going to say let's go yeah let's get out of it let's do it I've got to anyway Peter were you gonna say something I thought you gonna say something that was weird so I was gonna say let's go yeah let's get out of it let's do it I've got to go because the bigger boys

need to carry on doing their work in my house they'll be frustrated with me if I stop them working on noisy things smash up your bust they're leveling the ceiling at the moment why are they

leveling the ceiling what what's wrong with your ceiling needs to be done baby what do you what's wrong with it it's suddenly not level do you want the honest answer I do I want to know done, baby. What's wrong with it? It's suddenly not level. Do you want the honest answer? I do.

I want to know. Because no doubt, if you're having it done, I'll no doubt have to have it done. It's an old Victorian house which has moved quite a lot. And if you want wallpaper in a room, you have to level the ceiling or it'll look shit. Oh. You're in patterned wallpaper.

The patterned wallpaper, it really... So what are they doing? Just putting more plasterboard down and plastering the ceiling? They level it all with a laser. Right. So they pull the original one down, they level it with a laser, put the frame up, and they put the plasterboard on the frame. Good God. That is...

It's pretty clever. It's clever, but it's quite destructive, isn't it? Yeah, but it's not a big big room so it's just quite dusty and a bit annoying but they'll have it done in two days lordy alright

lord have mercy oh lordy fantastic well good luck with that when you level the ceiling we'll be back on Thursday yeah we're back on Thursday

with more stuff like this and Luke you'll be telling us about a trip you've taken I believe yeah I'm off to the Lake District so I'll let you know

I'll get on when I get back just to get out of here while the house is being done basically it's a bit tedious yeah they don't want me

hanging around do you know what I mean asking questions and you know what I'm like I'll just ask questions and shit doesn't get done because they're

talking to me what's that laser for can I look in it yeah because I'm paying for it they feel like they have to talk to me they don't want to talk to me.

They don't want to talk to me. And I totally understand why. Yeah. So it's best for everyone if I leave. All right, then. Let's get out of here. Speak to you later. Thank you very much.

Take it easy. Ta-ta. All the best. We'll be back soon. Bye. the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network