The Luke and Pete Show - Return of the Hobgoblin

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

Back in April of 2009, three men were unceremoniously ejected from their London-based radio show and asked to never return. Something they'd said on the airwaves? Possibly. Or was 'the man' worried about the unwavering grassroots support (dare we say love) for the trio amongst the swell of G20 protesters that stamped past their window that spring morning? We may never know. But they're back for one last half hour of shouting and awful language.Listen to Clash Of The Titles with Alex Zane here: http://hyperurl.co/ClashpodAnd get Pete and Marc Haynes on Wrestle Me here: http://hyperurl.co/wrestlemeSlide into our DMs: [e-mail] ***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the little page show it's a thursday and we are back with mr alexane and mr mark hens and we are having a little bit of fun if you want to hear uh alexane you can hear him on clash of the titles every single bloody week it's's definitely become part of my week, and I hope it becomes part of your week, because it's bloody hilarious. I was on a college tour. It's sort of Fent City, wasn't it? I was on Fent City. You'd normally say, oh, it's so great. It's become part of my week.

Yeah, like taking medicine or doing a poo. A duty, like pulling out the bins or something. Bar the routine now, I mean, I enjoy it, but it's got to be done. You know, we sit round and it's played in the boardroom and we all sit there. And if there's a real disagreement, then that will be made clear. I'm waiting for you to go, I have notes. It's very good. It is very good.

It is very good. The premise is we put two... I'm going to do the hard sell now. I'm going to do the hard sell. We can do it with the subscribers. Yeah, so we picked two... I'm going to do the hard sell now. I'm going to do the hard sell. We could do it with the subscribers. Yeah, so we picked two movies with something in common against each other. So, you know, we've done Armageddon and Deep Impact, like two movies that aren't very good.

It's The Connection. No, it's not The Connection. It's Meteor. But yeah, it's things like that. It's really good. It's Meteor than that. Thank you. Hey.

Hey. Ten years in the biz. Ten years not under your tutelage in the radio business, mate. Hey, you could do Teen Wolf and adulthood. I don't quite know how it works. That's exactly how it works. It's shown in the next episode. Imagine being

the sort of person who went, they're talking about adulthood, I'm going to listen to that podcast, there's something about that film

which just saying it makes me feel a bit tired and bored. I'm sure everyone involved is very nice. He's learnt since the independence.

I wish you'd said that more when we were together on the radio what I just said I'm sure everyone actually involved is really nice and I take it back all I did was

I slagged it off and then I sort of went but I'm sure they're nice I mean that's not in 10 years that's not a great deal of learning it's still more than you used to do

that's true that's true we were talking I've got a terrible memory and pretty much the only thing I can remember from the X-Men Breakfast Show is threatening

Casey Affleck with a fight. Do you know what I mean? Oh, he was still in the building. He was acting like a big baby. He came in,

he was not, I mean, he's never really kind of got that kind of even B-list kind of like thing. He's good. Yeah,

he won an Oscar. He won an Oscar he won an Oscar not in Bonnie's house alright I mean all I'm going to say is at the time Pete you were very quiet

about where he was on the pecking order he said he had a cold he came in with his PRs and he said he had a cold but he was milking it he basically

had been dragged into the studio to do an interview about his film he didn't want to be there but rather than moan to them he decided to be a bit of rather than moan to them,

he decided to be a bit of a dick on air. And he was like, I'm so sorry, I can barely speak. I really shouldn't be here. Then he leaves, but he hasn't been gone long enough for him to not still hear our show being broadcast around the building. And Mark goes, what a baby! What a bloody baby! was he was though look we didn't want him there we didn't want to be there we wanted to be at home in bed i get it all right

yeah he's coming out and going oh you know i'm gonna do my film and everything and he's like why have you brought me out here mate nothing to do with us i don't want a 530 addison lee from holloway road yeah where the driver would consistently fall asleep driving down it. We didn't want a future Oscar winner on the show. What we wanted was a guy dressed as the Hobgoblin from the beer company so we could all give them free advertising and get into massive trouble. One of the reasons why we got fired was because a proportional Hobgoblin was booked by a producer of the show who did a lot of work in local radio, let's say,

and decided to bring some local radio sensibilities into a bigger station. And the sales floor got a little bit, got a big hobgoblin's nose out of joint. Well, I mean, part of it was he was dressed really convincingly as a hobgoblin. Yes, none of which you can see. Radio is not a visual medium.

So when we're going, there's a hobgoblin here, and there's just a man going, hello, it is just a man. I mean, it's not really a hobgoblin that came to a that came to like the most memorable moment when the guy came in dressed as the predator yes and was there a predator and an alien i believe there was both and you were trying to cajole they weren't allowed to speak yes because legally you're not allowed to like yeah the tl's were like do not make him speak because it will ruin it will ruin the the relationship with the the film company it's a radio show no one can see he's a predator

anyway this guy was clearly furious that that was his job also i mean it's worth saying none of us were good enough on radio to convey the experience of having a predator in the room yeah so in the unlike many radio studios when there are actual predators in the room. Yeah, we all stayed quiet, didn't we? Oh, dear. Well done, everyone. All I can remember is the smell of the latex. These people who were dressed, they would always smell,

they would always stink because they'd been in it all day. I just remember the look on the PR's face, because in the end he broke, so was like come on what is it really like what's your name and he went from inside the predator mask you could hear andy andy i'm like are you enjoying this he's like no not really i'm an actor it's really hot in here and they the look on their face was like you will never dress as a predator again. In fairness, the Hobgoblin was great because he did try and extemporise what he was doing, and he just kept treading in landmines.

So I remember you saying to him, so what's your daily routine? He was like, I get up at six, and I have a pint of Hobgoblin ale, and you were like at six in the morning, and you could hear, even on air, you could sort of feel the PRs getting hot. This is deeply illegal.

You should be promoting alcohol at breakfast. In any deep punish. And I wouldn't. Those brews have been in place for 20 years. I'd have water. I'd have water. You're drinking now then. What time do you start drinking?

I am, lads. I'm going to come clean with you. I'm getting out of my depth here. He'd have little sort of prepared jokes about stellar. He'd be drinking, and then the little pixies come in, and they wee in my glass, and I call that stellar as I do.

We just ignore that and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, but are you drunk now? Are you all right, mate? It's early, isn't it? And you've been to three radio stations before us, and we're the only stupid fuckers who've got you on air. I know.

They used to go around radio stations, basically hoping that someone... They'd turn up at reception and go, Hi, we've got a load of beer. Can we come on to your radio show? And of course everyone would go, Absolutely not. No, you haven't appeared for this.

And if you're going to appear for this, it wouldn't be worth four cans of... They'd be crossing them out on the list, and they'd go, Well, we might as well try XFM. They'd'd get half an hour i'd buzz them up from the desk i'd be like come in come in now we need content content one time uh when grand theft auto the roar came out i begged a pr to send us a copy and i sat in the zoo and played Grand Theft Auto 4, completely unpaid we weren't getting paid for this

and I would do weather reports and traffic reports from Liberty City in Grand Theft Auto and you'd be going, Pete, what's the weather like in Liberty City? Well it's raining and we did our list for a copy of the game I couldn't play at home, at least we both had Xboxes, they'd sent us a PS4

copy, so for the price of cost price 10 quid they got a show dedicated to a game that had come out that day and then me and you on the podcast went to hamley's and bought a copy and recorded ourselves doing it for free gratis yeah we were so eager to please in the wrong way although when nissan asked us to promote the cash guy i know i know neither of you picked me up and i spent an entire show going so the Eager to please in the wrong way. Although when Nissan asked us to promote the Qashqai, I... No, neither of you picked me up on it. I spent an entire show going, so the Nissan Quasagie is available to buy right now.

And we wondered why we didn't get more sponsors. We pretended we were on that Qantas flight. Was it Qantas? Oh, my God. The first flight of the Airbus 380. Yes. Yeah. And we pretended all...

We got an Aussie to do all of our IDs. We weren't getting paid or sponsored by the Airbus people or whoever was going to run the flight. We created our own branded content for a brand that didn't want to sponsor us. And behind each link, when we came on air, we had that low hum just to try and convince people we were on an aircraft. And we were convincing them until you started getting fancy. You bring this up!

Alex started getting fancy and naming celebrities who were on the thing. But really shit celebrities. I'm just waving at Toby Anstis right now, and we come up here and Peter goes, you're really ruining this. No one's going to believe Toby Anstis on this flight. You're ruining this stupid thing, which we don't know why we're doing it.

I mean, it is a trip down memory lane, for sure, but look, it's reminding... It must be great for people to hear. Third-hand great memories. It really must be. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so...

Not any more news stories, Mark? I like the one about the man who spent nine grand on cheesecake in ten years. Not just any old man. He's Chuck Schumer, the Senate minority leader. He's a big swinging cheesecake in American politics. He's swinging his cheesecake all around the Senate. And in ten years, he's spent nine grand on cheesecake.

Yeah, $8,600 in less than ten years. He actually came forward and said, no, cheesecake's my guilty pleasure a that's an argument for it um i had to look at the figure so the place he keeps going to is junior's cheesecake again unpaid promotion and it's absolutely excellent um but they they cost like cnn.com That is not a cheap promotion. It cost £8.25 for an original cheesecake, which... A whole cake, a slice? Is it specified? I think it's a whole one. Just jam his head into it.

Yeah, the most he ever spent in one... His arm's tied behind his back, like a pie-eating contest. Well, the most he ever spent in one trip was $516, which meant he ordered at least 62 of them in one trip, which is just amazing. I absolutely love it. That's too much. 61, I'm in one trip. Which is just amazing. I absolutely love it. That's too much. 61, I'm approaching my limit.

This is like something from The Onion. There's a quote from him. He said, um, he said, Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake. Junior's cheesecake, Junior's cheesecake. I'm also a spokesman for diabetes. I give them as gifts, the New York Democrat said as he held up a copy of the news report

and a platter of six cheesecake slices. I love it. So I say to the New York Post and others, I'm guilty as charged. He's holding a brown paper bag dripping with cream. Yeah. I once, about ten years ago, I got a sandwich on Christmas Eve from a Portland,

Great Portland Street. They had a little sandwich place on the corner. Yeah. There was one on each corner, so I'm, you know, I don't think they're going to suit me. Although they actually did a criminal act against me. So I bought a sandwich on Christmas Eve, and it was £9.50. I had a Snapple and things like that.

It came to £9.50. And I was very pissed. And when they got my card, they obviously clocked that I was pissed, that it was Christmas Eve. It was going to be Christmas. It was going to be busy. And instead of putting in £9.60 they moved

the decimal place and they put £96 and it went through so after Christmas I looked at this and I thought ah jeez ok that's a mistake that's happened so I contacted my bank and I said look I think the decimal place is in the wrong, we'll give them the benefit of the doubt you should get a reduction on the things you buy

that cash carry have we moved to the decimal system places and the wrong, you know, we'll give them the benefit of the doubt. You should get a reduction on the things you buy. Yeah, no, that cash carry. Have we moved to the decimal system? But then the bank rang me back and they were like, oh no, they dispute it. I said, what do you mean they dispute it? So you had someone from the bank ring them up going, did he buy 96 quid worth of sandwiches? Apparently, there was a fraud thing

so they rang them and they're like, you know, this is being disputed. A disputed charge. Do you want to go through it? And they told them, they remembered distinctly on christmas eve a fat man came in and he bought 32 sandwiches right and i was like i was like i did not buy 32 sandwiches and they were like is it possible that you did and you just forgot about it i was like that'd be like three bags worth can anyone corroborate your story I was like can't you get the CCTV and they're like

oh they will not release that and I'm like no because I didn't buy 32 sandwiches on Christmas Eve I wouldn't have been able to carry them home arguing with a full mouth

I've still got some left I wondered why that year I got 14 sandwiches from you I got a charge on my on my Monzo account you know one of those digital ones that every time you like to buy something online it says is this a charge you my Monzo account, one of those digital ones,

that every time you'd like to buy something online, it says, is this a charge you want to do? Yeah, cool. I got two fraudulent charges, and it was creating powder and video games. The first one doesn't sound like me. The video games, they look at what you bought before, and they go, are you sure you didn't buy this?

Are you sure you didn't buy this? It's so unfair when it's a food stuff, though. We've seen that you've bought sandwiches before, so are you sure you didn't buy it? Are you sure you didn't buy it? It's so unfair when it's a food stuff, though. We've seen that you've bought sandwiches before. So are you sure? Well, you're just not stocking up. Do you want to just send us a photo of yourself so that we can then decide whether or not it's possible that you ate 32 sandwiches and it was normal?

I got my card cloned when we were in Krakow together. Oh, really? We went to a pizza place and weird charges started showing up on my card. Is that true? I got it all sorted because, you know, it was Poland, so they were like, it's definitely for us. Whatever you did in Poland. It's true, if you try and buy anything

in the kind of eastern states, they do ask you, they ring you up and go, are you doing what you're doing? But that's what I mean. I am. I'm not saying my opinion is Poland. Who's put all these strip joints on my card? I don't know. They're never done with strip joints.

They're always done with restaurants. I've heard. If you're not going with cash, what's wrong with you? You're only ever going to overspend. I like to make it rain with all my credit cards. Just chuck them up in the air. Like that.

If I do it quick enough it's like Gambit from the X-Men. They just stick in the wall. And then what I do is I shout the pin numbers and I leave. I'm having to have

a credit card removed from my eye. Happy birthday! Hey, have that treated privately. 3166. Me and Alex In Krakow Went to a salt mine

Oh my god You said that was Going to be good Someone said It wasn't good The god of salt Trapped underground For four hours

It was alright It was a big Pope John Paul II Statue made out of salt The woman instructed me Not to lick And then you got into trouble For licking the walls.

Bit rich. Catholic church, innit? Oh, we're not allowed to lick them. Outrageous. We're going to take a short break. We'll be back to

belittle a organised religion again. Oh, I'm waiting to see how you tackle the big one. You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. A cocktail bar.

Have you heard that? It's like a guy who's made Don't You Want Me By. Human League. Human League. Where they've just made a version of that song where it just loops and loops around where the only lyrics are. You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. Working in a cocktail bar. It's all the way through. Working. You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. Working in a cocktail bar.

It's all the way through. Working. You were working. So this is absolutely normal to me because when I was at school, I recorded a C90 of my favourite song at the time. And I missed the start and the end of it. So it was just about three quarters of it, the middle three quarters of Shampoo Trouble.

And I looped it on a C90, and it was the only thing I took it the middle three quarters of Shampoo Trouble and I looped it on a C90 and it was the only thing I took on my French residential as a kid and by the end I was

insane by the end I was in Shampoo that's not unreasonable Shampoo big in Japan is it a boy or a girl

they released an album just for Japan I believe yeah but it was also they were the ultimate band that when, even though they disappeared and broken up a long time ago, that saying came out when people were like, oh, they're over.

It's like, no, no, no, they're just big in Japan. Like they were still going in Japan. And I think they were for a bit, but they are not still big in Japan. They were slightly big in Japan because it was a bit creepy, wasn't it? They were sort of like young women. I think they were old women who were dressed as young women, weren't they? Hey creepy, wasn't it? They were sort of like young women who were sort of punky. I think they were old women who were dressed as young women,

weren't they? Hey, why don't you just go online and start shouting at women pop stars? Is Jokey your favourite movie, Pete? Alex, is he going to come back in a really shitty Batman? Have to do it again contractually? Is he tied to more films?

No, he's a film guy. Catch the tails. Appearing like a big rubber ducky. Batman have to go, duck. He's like, I've got to do this. No, I believe in the new The Batman movie, directed by Matt Reeves with Robert Pattinson as the Batman, it is going to be the Penguin and the Riddler

so they have to just completely dodge the issue yeah I think so I mean because they're not connected anymore because when DC tried to replicate the Marvel Cinematic Universe

they failed because everyone hated Justice League so release the Snyder Cut that will make sense to some people they probably won't

I do because I have a lot of friends who like films and that sort of thing oh ok but I friends who like films and that sort of thing. Oh, okay. But I don't like films or that sort of thing. I think Joker would have been better if he'd actually done something

other than just walked around going... The most subversive thing was that he just had a tab on the whole time. Yeah. Oh, that's naughty, isn't it? Yeah. He did what? He just had a tab on.

He had a cigarette on all the time. I was just waiting for the minute where he went, now I'm going to go and rob a bank dressed as a prime minister or something. I was like, this is going to get great. And then Batman would come in and go, zonk. And he'd go, take that, you. And he'd go, oh, this is no laughing matter.

And it would end. But it is a weird thing about that movie in the sense that it is completely unrelated to the Joker. They have made a movie that they've then gone hmm how do we drag people in and if you want to find a fault in it it's like you're bringing a younger audience in who go oh the joker i know him to a movie that is absolutely not really a superhero movie it's just been made the joker to make a bit money is it so they could have just got a naughty boy. I am a naughty boy.

Brackets. Imagine if I was in the DC Universe. I interviewed Joaquin Phoenix for that movie and I sat down with him. And he was in a funny mood anyway. And I'd been sort of told by Warners, you know, he thinks you're a news journalist and we told him you're not.

So, you know, just make that clear at the start. And he comes in. How do you prove that? Well, I... You take the bit of two questions in p e new who would imply this man how tall am i i'm 5 10 my favorite colors have you ever found anything in your garden i said so this is a a movie. And he's like, okay. And I'm like, it'll be about 15 minutes. And he went, we'll see. I like that.

That's good. It was good. Then what did he do? Shot you in the head. Then he was lovely. Then he was, he's very intense, but he's a very nice man. And I do like it. Although, like some things you hear about that movie, you're just like, well, obviously,

like people like that dance in the bathroom that he does, the weird dance. He just improvised that. And you're like, yeah, of course he did. No one writes weird dance. Well, I wonder what he was supposed to be doing in that scene. Yeah, just get out, get some tablets out there. I'm dancing. Rob a bank.

I'm going to. Get rid of Rob a bank. No, it's a dancing time. And you walk down these stairs and Rob a bank. Nope, dancing. We had this whole bank robbery and then Batman swoops and he's like, no, I'm just going to dance weird. Why don't we

re-edit it with Prince's Batman soundtrack in all the key bits? Go, go, go with a smile. Bat dance! Coming down the stairs. Party. That must have been done. That must have been done. Why hasn't anybody done it? Oh, mate. Can we just do it?

Can you do it, Alex? Crank up my movie. Yeah, I will do. Apparently the residents of the Bronx hate that movie because everyone is turning up at those stairs. They're in Instagram photos and the locals are like, what the fuck? It's just some stairs.

It's not like you sleep on the stairs. Don't worry about it. It's like Mrs. Doubtfire's house in, where is that? San Francisco. I've been there. See, you're part of the problem, Pete. Put the back doors in. Where is she?

Hello, children! Oh, God. He's back. Oh, dear. Let's do an email before we've got to fuck off. Jake, a bit late with this one. Working as a gardener. The founder of Buttplug

in the vegetarian patch vegetarian patch vegetable the patch of the garden for vegetarians was it the last show we were talking about burying things in the garden

I've never buried a vegetarian no my garden's got a bomb hole oh best kind of beer the best kind of beer as in is this a

I don't want to wade into something that I've been tricked into. Is this a genuine question? The hobgoblin of goblins here. No, I wanted to add, basically, we've been talking about the best kind of beer. I was kind of on board with this topic, but I didn't contribute much because... If the beer wasn't cold,

it's the guilty cold. Beer, what would it be called? Wheaty brown juice. Multi-fizzy yellow. Is that what you want is that the right thing am I in the right ballpark um different kinds of beers

like you know like shower beer you know when you're getting ready and you have I've never really got a shower no

oh have a beer in the shower in the shower right okay so it's not about the brand we're not promoting more brands it's about where you

have the beer we've learned in all those years that we don't do that unless you're beer 52s who may be sponsoring us well I paid for the hobgoblin to walk in

in a second for no reason first beer after work Sam has come up with one long time listener I don't expect to be

writing in but he has this is as much a surprise as it is to you thanks for that automaton talking about types

of beer I'm surprised nobody's mentioned the sauna beer. As someone living in Finland, I know many people who would instantly put this one at the top of the pile. It can be combined with a shower beer and can be drunk before, during and after the sauna. I prefer the singular post sauna beer.

Not in a sauna. It's just going to dry out. Yeah, that's going to be a horrible cotton mouth. I mean, it's a very, very specific one but standing in the middle of this ice field. Supermarket. This ice field

in Norway, Finland, sorry, and the northern lights are above you and you crack open a beer, that's probably the greatest beer ever. Have you done that? No. No, I just imagined that would probably the greatest beer ever have you done that no no i just imagine sometimes and this is this is not really acceptable sometimes when i do go past people who are drinking on the street just when they like go past a park and there's five guys

just sitting out there and always one of them has got a council job so they're wearing like there's always one of them he's a bit like i'm keeping in touch with my roots i like that they all sit there drinking and sometimes i do think i must be nice to just sort of go it's 11 30 i'm gonna go meet the lads in that bit of wood gonna have a have a tin of tisky well they do well they do say like i mean again speaking of tisky a delicious lager one of my favorites up there with the common Commoner Garden Stella my big favourite horrible lager that gets me powerful apparently Eastern European labourers

anybody who works with their hands they don't understand why labourers work all day and then spend all of their money

in the pub because it's expensive why don't you just go to a supermarket get a couple of cans and just sit on a wall and drink it. And you know, work for five or six years and then go back home and build something with

some decent finances. Whenever I see those guys out there, it always looks like- It's genuinely aspirational. I don't know five people. And- I will drink with me again. Yeah! And it is weird sidling up to a group or a rowdy, yeah, going, speaking Polish.

They would never accept me. They'd go, what is he? Is he working for the council? Is he something? Is he trying to check up on me? Just want to have a little bit of a sip with you, yeah? That high-vis vest is too clean.

He's not real. Exactly. Exactly that. I'd have one of those woolen caps on as well and they'd just be like, he's trying too hard. Your best bet is to go,

like, you're the foreman. Come on, lads. Come on, lads, drink up. Bring a top hat and a monocle. Is this how four men dress you know like the bit of Chernobyl

that tells all those miners to go and polish it on the ground I was briefly given the job of being a foreman of a building site entirely through nepotism

so my between university and school I probably should have done it the other way around because I didn't go to university before school that's why you were

given a foreman job before you were a labourer I'm really looking forward to doing this English degree I mean I can't read or university before school. That's why you were given a foreman job before you were a labourer. I'm really looking forward to doing this English degree. I mean, I can't read or count yet, but we'll get there. And between school and university, my dad, he worked at a building firm,

and he said, we're doing the St Catherine's docks, the redevelopment of that huge project. And I really want to ingratiate myself with my staff. Totally. So I turned up on the first day, and they they went who the fuck are you and i said oh hello hello good day gentlemen i shall be your foreman i'm the foreman and you know what i'm going to be the coolest foreman you've ever met and then you kick flipped off a bloke came up to me and he said he said if you say a fucking word

to me he said i'm gonna put you in that fucking hole. Right, we'll do it. And he went, what? A lovely bit of hazing. Why not? Yep. And I lasted a day and I went back

and because my life is relatively easy, I was able to say, I'm not going back farther. They were beastly to me. And my dad went, well, he'll be fired tomorrow.

And I went to university where I did Pope studies. And now I'm the pope cool you can't lick him he's not made of salt I want to lick the pope the salty pope how can people find your shows

and what are their names Wrestle Me is a wrestling show about Wrestlemania we started a Wrestlemania 1 we went right through to all of the Wrestlemanias and we are now at Wrestlemania 24

wait you're on 25 it's the next one we haven't recorded it yet oh my god I was there I know I was there do you remember anything about it

I bought you a wonderful birthday present you did he speaks about that so much it's the best belt he owns it was difficult to hide from him because we were, we were,

I don't know what you'd call it, a little convention bit beforehand. We were, yeah, we were at the Hall of Fame. That's right. And Alex, Alex bought me a big gold belt

like Ric Flair used to wear. It was my birthday the next day. Shoved it down my pants. But every time, we were staying in a hotel and we had rooms opposite each other and I'd knock and go into Alex's room and whenever I walked in, he'd be frantically

stuffing something either in the bed or behind the thing. That had nothing to do with the bed. Every time. My American Girl doll. Yeah, that was a good trip. Although, remember when we went... Are you really upset about it?

It's fine. Remember that great bit? We went to the House of Blues. Obviously, it's a chain. We massively overordered it. Jack-lagged. This is just how much additives they put in American food. Because we overordered it.

I must have left a bit of steak the size... A little bit of steak. And then we went back and i woke up at five in the morning and i'd been full when i went to sleep my first thought wasn't where am i oh what time is it this is jet lag i woke and went where's that bit of steak where is the steak i need that still why did i leave that bloody steak the woman who was our waitress there gave me a great piece of advice it's actually one that i've never stopped thinking about don't touch waiters no no i don't hold by that at all that's terrible advice try again she we said what are grits like and she went

then don't order the grits and we ordered the grits and they were awful and ever since then i've been like that is the one piece of advice that i think people say to me what's the greatest piece of advice you've ever been given in your life. I'd go, don't order grits. Exactly, grits. No wonder everyone out there carries a gun to shoot their grits. I've shot my grits, guys. Get out of the restaurant, sir. And obviously, Clash of the Titles.

Oh yeah, Clash of the Titles is available and it's bloody marvellous and if you like films at all then please do subscribe to us. If you want to sit here and episode one of my favorites, one of the films is American Psycho, hearing a man squirm in his chair because he's scared that one of the other horses is going to apply this psychopath test on him.

It's brilliant. Yeah, thanks for bringing that back. It was genuinely uncomfortable. I was fully prepared for them to analyze exactly why I'm like Patrick Bateman, which is too close to the truth. If I say it's funny, because I'm aware. They'll all be dead in the morning. Oh, no, not that.

There we go. Let's get out of here. Good to know that we're all as good at the buttons as we ever were. Jesus Christ, that was a terrible ten seconds. Bye. Billy Genesis. Raph!

This was a Stakhanov production.