The Luke and Pete Show - Richard Keys: The Musical

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Pete’s been working on a number for a musical about the life and times of Richard Keys, probably not coming to a theatre near you any time soon.But don’t be disheartened, because today’s episode provides some big questions to entertain and delight. Why don’t little boys wear barrels anymore? Can clogs actually be comfortable? Is being 45 minutes late better than being 5 minutes late?Finally, we’re back on conspiracy theories and this time there’s a graph to help us make sense of things.Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: [e-mail] Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Richard Keyes I live with a young wife She doesn't understand me Because we're from different worlds That is the new project from Richard Keys He's moving back to London He's going to be doing an off Leicester Square play

Slash one-man theatre show You wanted to say off-Broadway then didn't you But you realise that I remember it's not Broadway I don't think they'd be interested The only people will be... What's the biggest theatre you think Richard Keyes could? I reckon he could do the South End Theatre.

Do a little... He'd definitely be doing provincial stuff. He wouldn't be doing London. London is looking at Lester Square Theatre and Max. Max. That was me saying it was fancy South End. That wasn't my same provincial. I think we both know what you were saying.

He's definitely not coming to London. If he's doing a speaking tour, he's not coming to London, I wouldn't have thought. Do you not think he'd sort of want to do a bit... Do you reckon we could pretend we were like some kind of... of musical agency, right? Musical theatre agency. Yeah. Get in touch with Richard Keyes people

and sort of called Richard. Let's tell your story. But let's not just do, you know, a one man, the sort of thing you'd see sort of Jeremy Clarkson do. Let's go one step further. Let us, let your musical flag fly,

and let's just give the people in the auditorium. Songs from the shows? Songs from the shows. Richard Keyes and the songs from the shows. I think that'd be a lovely thing to do. Has he got any musical talent that we know of?

I don't know. I don't think, he must have done something of comic relief. I could see him, like, doing a bit for, like, some TVM. Remember when he was on TV AM? I know that was my TV, but they would sing just like Zig and Zag. But I think of them singing, I think of Zigg and Zag. Irish accents. Just like, I don't know, actually Zigginsag wasn't that gruff, were they?

I'm thinking more than Oscar the Grouch's kind of gruffness. I think you're thinking of Cosmo and dibs from you and me. Yeah, I'm a bit. Oh, I'd sort of like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they have a sort of like Jamaican accent? Well, was it Jamaican or was it Liverpool? I can't remember. I don't know, but please don't do it.

Don't do the voice. Yeah, but they spoke like that, didn't they? What songs would Richard do, though? Will you break off in between songs to do little anecdotes? Yeah, it would be like, but it wouldn't be like popular shows. It would be songs from like, what's that one with the boys that became, those rollerblading boys? Oh, Starlight Express? Starlight Express.

It would be like stuff like that are wicked. Not really classics, but, you know, people kind of remember it. He'd be doing these rough approximations of these shows on. Would Andy Gray be involved? Would he get involved? They wheel him out? Like a pit bull type vibe? He would be interviewed in the foyer afterwards.

He's done a brilliant job, actually. I think he's done a brilliant job. And that would be the advert. I was really, and other people, I was really shocked. Andy Gray loves to wobble his head, done this, wobbles his head all the time. I think that would be excellent. I like, I am, like most of us, I am interested and waiting with baited breath over which direction Richard goes in next. Get on the Canva, make us a little deck, and let's talk to Richard's people.

I'd like you to get in touch. Yeah. We could gauge the interest, it's a win-win for us. Because if it was genuinely a lot of quite sincere interest, we could probably make some money. Yeah. Yeah. But if there isn't, it'd be funny. Yeah.

It's like everything, everything that, every fate that befalls me. is content. So it's like, I don't mind it anymore. It's the greatest, people talk about, um, uh,

male toxicity and men who have podcasts. But for me, it's just great for me mental health. Do you know what I mean? When something bad happens to me, I'm like, people will have a giggle about this. That's fine.

That'll keep the worst from the door for another week. That'll keep me, that'll keep me before podcasts on the boil. It's basically the content equivalent of like when those both, on the boil, well, it's like the content equivalent of when those soldiers

who's to shoot themselves in the hand in the trenches. Right, okay. It's a shame but it's an unfortunate thing

to befall someone but it gets you out the trenches so, yeah. It's back where we want to be. I think that's pretty good.

I have a theory about not just the keys and grey of this world, of this world, but of mainstream presenters generally

is that they're not actually popular. So they're a couple of exceptions. this. For example, if you say that Gary Linneker, who's taking the rest of his football and he's got his show and that's successful, right? And that's largely to do with the dynamic between the three of them

and it's not just about Gary. I think now, in these days, if you're keys and you're going to do your own vehicle, you ain't taking people with you from being sport or sky sports or anything like that. I think it's very difficult to it would be very difficult in any provincial town

to find a hundred people who would like passionately be fans of Richard Keyes for his own sake. They might think, oh, actually, he's been treated quite harshly because, you know, he's not really sexist. And loads of people obviously think he's a fucking dinosaur. But I don't know there'll be anyone out there who'd be like,

I love that guy. But that's the lot of, but that's the lot of the presenter, isn't it? Yes, it is. No, it totally is. I guess you kind of, the time that you think that you're more important than the thing that you're the link man for, the music, the football, the sport, whatever.

You became bigger than absolutely radio, didn't you? Which is why you had to meet. I agree it. It was like, by the time I left, it was kind of like, it was like, it was like a barrel. Yeah. It was like I was wearing a barrel of my arms and legs out of it.

Outside of it, I brought through the Norfolk guarantee. Yeah, you've got the most energy of anyone I know of someone who could, like a small boy, run around wearing a barrel. Do you not think that, there's a sort of trope that you sort of used to see in cartoons and stuff.

You can definitely wear a barrel does, but don't move on from it. But you not think, do you not think, no, but you don't think it would be really charming to it. I mean, it'd be quite heavy,

wouldn't it? But it would not be fun to make one of those suits? Why don't boys of like 12 wear barrels anymore? Why not got like

arms and leg holes cut out of a barrel? It was it was short hand for being poor, wasn't it? It was short hand for I've lost everything.

Yeah. I'm wearing a barrel, a rigid wooden barrel with braces to go off your shoulders. Why? Why was that the thing? Do you know what I mean?

It's not like it's not clothing. It's hard wearing, though, isn't it? Like, rags. You know, but it's rag. Like, rags are more. It was that. Or a watermelon for pants.

I don't remember the watermelon. Watermelon for pants, isn't it? So you get a watermelon big enough. You can turn it into pants for a toddler. I don't remember what. So you cut half a watermelon. Yeah. And you cut some leg holes.

And you obviously scoop out the delicious flesh. And the shell of... Don't scope any of it out and it would conform. Just jam yourself in there. No, you do it before you put it. put it on the child. Yeah. But could you not like start carving it out?

A dad in a barrel. And the sun in a water melon pants. And you could use the other half for a little hat. Yeah. Well, those guys in, I can't remember what country it is, but they're quite hot on, there was rules about wearing a motorbike helmet. So they just type of watermelons on their eyes. It's like technically, I don't know, I think,

I mean, it would slip off you very easily, wouldn't it? I've just come to the. The immediate realization that I would give almost anything to see you wearing a barrel. A barrel. I don't know where you'd even get it. It'd be too heavy for me. It'd be too heavy. Well, the problem is it's a declining Coopers, isn't there now?

Is it declining what? Coopers. So Cooper is somebody, a barrel maker. That was a traditional trade. That's where the name Cooper comes from. I'm completely unaware of the word Cooper. So that answers its own question. So when I was out in Devises in Wiltshire many years ago,

and that's where the Wadsworth Brewery is. And we did a little brewery tour when we were there. And they had a working Cooper, a barrel maker in the brewery. They're very traditional with a lot of their practices. And he was actually saying then, this would have been north of 15 years ago. He was saying, I haven't got an apprentice, and I'm one of the last people in the country doing this.

So what they should have done is maybe try to get some PR agency involved and try to make wearing barrels fashionable again. Yeah, fast fashion. Like, kind of, if we need, like, a shine or Timmu or something, it's the new thing to sort of wear. There was, there was an advert on Instagram for a pair of shoes. And it was basically one of those, like, hey, short kings, get a lot of these shoes, like, nad three inches to you.

You know. And nobody will know. Hype maxing, how do they work? They're some of the most abhorrent. It's the sort of shoes that I think, I think, the predator would wear. Do you know what I mean? Like black,

kind of like, like, vaney kind of coral. Like, you're like you stood in some coral and it's black and they've got like a little dial on them.

Did you consider it? And they're so fashionable. And I was like, they're horrible. They're horrible. Do you remember acupuncture shoes back in the day? Yes. Were they like really comfortable?

Right. I had a pair of them. I had a pair of them back in the day. I went for a bit of a drum and bass phase. Very, very limited short drum and bass phase. acupuncture shoes were the fucking ones, man. They were everyone loved them.

But what? They were just like, what, but they're like etnies, like kind of skaters shoes or something? Yeah, but for dry bass fans. Drummond bass fans. They don't need their own shoes. They don't need their own shoes. Yeah, they still seldom. They don't look very good.

Right. No. I thought acupunctious shoes were like for old people. You know, like, um, like the old sketches. No, no, no, well, they used to. The excellent sketches, uh, in which Harry Kane is, uh, we've been emphasizing recently. Have we been advertising?

sketches. We've been advertising Harry Keynes. Sketches. Well, his sketches range of football boots. What about the Red Naps range of sketches?

Well, he's an ex-football so he requires comfort over form, I suppose. Don't we all these days? I wore, you know what? We had a long day yesterday

because we're recording this a day after the first Rambor watch party and, yes. A long day for me. Your watch is over, John Snow.

For all of us. Yeah. And I wore a pair of shoes that I like that are great summer shoes like a leather kind of shoe a light leather shoe that you don't wear over the sock.

And they're great. But what I've started to realize is that it's just not practical for a man of my age. I need more arch support than that. Need more arch support, yeah. What I need is a pair of Dutch clogs. Apparently they're very comfortable. Well, clogs, they're not. That's bullshit.

The Dutch are telling you that. That's bullshit. They can't be. No, but I think... They're not with wooden shoes for a reason. I think because of the support it gives you, I'm fairly certain that clogs are like... like, surprisingly supportive.

I'm always like perennially surprised that that's not taken off at some point in some Hackneywick warehouse as a fashion item. But no, I've never once, in context, seen someone wearing clogs normally. The only time I've ever seen someone wearing clogs is like some kind of like parade in Belgium or Holland or something where it's like a traditional festival. It's a, it's a law crime area show. Big time. He can't chase after anyone in clogs.

No, but, you know what? What's that movie? It might be a De Niro movie where he's like never run away from a crime scene. If you're committing this kind of robbery or whatever, it might be a George Clooney even.

Is it a movie? What's the movie where George, I'm asking you this? There's a really good, there's a really good bank robbery scene a George Clooney movie where he goes up to the woman behind the desk

and he says, Oh, and he says my... Have you seen that video? Have you seen that clip on on Instagram shots recently like I did. Is it up there? Is it one of those ones?

I think, yeah, I saw that quite recently. It's like, what are you? Yeah, what, I mean, Jesus Christ. Yeah. What's wrong with that? It's good scene. I don't know. It just kind of, it just makes me giggle

because it's kind of like, um... I don't like it that people are, um, just consuming movies through scenes now. But anyway, Clocks, you could, if you were a super cool Robert De Niro type dude, right? You were just walking casually away from a robbery.

It would confuse the crime scene investigators. It might attract attention. Yeah. There was a man walking in clogs. I definitely think you should at least interview him about the crime. Like maximum you can get away with Cuban heels. They're going to click clock, click clock. But at least they're not going to have a tread on them.

If you know what they say about Cuban heels? Never ever wear Cuban heels unless you're Cuban. And even then, don't. Nice. Very nice. But would you, would you, would you, have you ever flirted with the idea of a clog? Yes, I have actually. Because I think I've seen him, I've been in Japan.

quite a lot. It's certainly like wooden shoes and they're apparently quite comfortable, but not the ones you buy for 50 quid at the, you know, tourist tat shop. It's the ones that are made specifically for your shoes. Do you know, if your feet, you know, they're crafted for your... I don't think there are a development in... So if you go back to like, I don't know, how many hundreds of years ago, people start wearing shoes or whatever, those kind of like wrap around leather shoes that very primitive peoples used to wear, they'd be more comfortable than clogs.

I mean, we've had leather for a long time. Wood is not an upgrade on leather when it comes to shoe work. No, but I think, like you said, it's the arch support, though, isn't it? That leather wouldn't give you the arch support that you require. I'm a little bit annoyed because I bought some, what they're blam and called, Timberlands. Oh, you didn't, did you? Why are you doing that? What do you mean?

I don't think you should be wearing them. But what do you mean? Well, you're short and old. Well, I just don't know if it's your look. Well, the problem is, because they're like steel talk up. Oh, that's even worse. Who'd you think you are? I'll use these...

I'll use these for me... For me, for me DIY projects. Oh, fair enough. And now they're covered in filler, and they're absolutely ruined. But I really like them. I'm going to buy a lot. I'm going to buy some more.

I'm going to like some more tims. Are you drinking... Are you drinking... By the way, you're drinking... I'm going to have business tims. You're drinking eggnog? What are you drinking? I made myself a little...

You know, like you see those lads and lasses on the old Instagram and stuff, they're making their morning coffee. It's usually like American American failers, American lassies and they're making their morning coffee, they just put like a thousand calories into a cup.

And they start by spraying this chocolate stuff all around the inside of the cup. Look at a dessert. They put this shit. So I had this kind of like, I had this little bit of sort of brown coffee liquid in a bottle. I made himself a nice coffee.

I made myself an ice coffee because I invested Luke in ice cube trays. There must be someone listening here that deals with food safety. I buy a lot of food stuff, of stuff that's going to touch food, off Amazon and the internet, and I'm a little bit concerned that I'm not really being that circumspect about weird Chinese food preparatory, preparatory goods, that are touching my food.

I'm not being that careful with them, and I'm just a bit worried that I'm going to have, you know, microplastics, non-food safe plastics. I think microplastics are in there, aren't they? I think I'm fairly certain somebody said that it might, the whole microplastics fear might be a little bit overblown and the studies around it are. Her charm.

Paul, victorious cheesman. Oh, PVC. He is a professor. Is that what it's named after? Paul victorious cheese. Yeah, Paul victorious cheese. Cheesman. he's basically done a study and he says everything's cool, Daddy-O.

Don't worry about it. He did say Daddy-O at the end. Don't worry about it. That's how you know you can relax about it. So I'll admit to the fact that we've got an ice maker in our freezer. By the way, this chair is really freaky, so I'm sorry if that's annoying people. I really can't hear. Whenever people complain about chairs, sometimes dogs and sometimes your cats even, you frequently can't hear it.

Oh, that's good. The delicious noise gating on the Roadcaster duo. There we go. That we used in the studio. Many thanks to them. We've got an ice maker, mate. So what we do is we put a little latch. I know, but we inherited it when we moved house.

So we used to be very, very strict and passionate ice tray people. We had an ice tray that did ice cubes in the shape of pineapples. We had it in the shape of a pleasingly mathematical hexagons. And just your standard common old garden. The ice tray comes with the freezer, standard ice cubes as well. But now we've got it on demand. In fact, the only time it's ever run out is when my son realized

if he put the ice cubes down the back of people's t-shirts when they're sitting in the garden, that's quite funny. And as ever, because he's three, he took it too far and got about 400 ice cubes out of the ice freezer thing in a big jug. And it was just,

it was like the last days of ice flow. Test the boundaries. Yeah. And then we had to go without ice cubes for like two days when it built up again. Well, it started putting up. Yeah.

But other than that, it's a very good service. We're very pleased with the service. So I wouldn't better speak to you about ice trays, but I do know that they found microplastics right at the bottom of the ocean, haven't they? Oh. So that's probably not good. Of all the things you could be looking in the sea for,

and found some microplastics, you fucking nerds. You fucking nerds. I called someone a nerd again this morning, by the way. Did you? What? In the IRL? I cycled to, I didn't know if I told you this. So this morning, I was on an autopilot,

obviously late night last night, in at the crack of dawn this morning. Didn't you stay in a hotel? I did, yeah. Oh, whereabouts? Was it near the 40-foot brewery? No, it was near King's Cross. Ah.

Just basically equidistant. That's even more expensive. What's wrong with you? Well, I didn't pay for it. Equidistant between the brewery and the office. Anyway, because only because the numbers, I mean, I know you were, you, I mean, it's absolutely insane that you went back to Leon C and then came all the way back in the next morning. You must have got, what time did you get home?

To be fair, it was about half 12, wouldn't it? Oh, you left early. You leave as soon as a game finished? I know I finished Left at 1130 It's like it's kind of It's kind of It's night time

And you're almost outside The M25 anyway Aren't you, Ortham store? Cracking on anyway Did you get a cab behind then? Yeah Oh good okay

Anyway so So what time Okay so for me I didn't get It was I stayed to the bitter end And then I had to My son would have got us up early And all the rest of it

So anyway Anyway I just stayed in the thing But what I did I lost a negotiation With my partner Because I've been away It happened mate.

I spent about 15 minutes. You're like this. I spent about 15 minutes as more cycling to the old office. What? Hang on. I was just like total autopilot. Even though you've been there,

almost a year. I mean, that is, I don't think I'd even do that. I've driven... I've got to uppercrude. I've literally got to uppercrude. I've driven to the... How bad is that?

I've driven to the childminders before I've... I've driven the child minders instead of the nursery. And that's not, that's five minutes. That's a five minute aberration, I'd say. So I was in a bad mood because of that, obviously. And then I, I just, I've wasted 15 minutes there. And in fact, it was more 25-ish minutes because I had to cycle back the other way.

And I really wanted to get in so I could catch up and all the stuff that I kind of missed out on because we were busy last night. And a guy, fucking guy on top of the court road, he told me, he was like, oh, I. You're supposed to be cycling down this round this way. And I was like, no. Well, I couldn't get across the idea that I don't know if you've seen this, but in central London, there's a lot of roads where it is one way only unless you're cycling.

Unless you're a bike. Yeah, yeah. So he didn't know that because he's a fucking chippy guy who wants to get his nose in other people's business. Was he on the bike? No, he was walking. He was about to cross the road, but he didn't obviously know the rules,

but he thought I didn't know the rules. And then, well, I couldn't get all that across. So I just said, oh, fuck off the nerd, like that. And I could see it. That's when you know you're tired. Your penantry just goes, oh, fuck it, I'll just call them a nerd. I'll feel good about it.

I'm a big passionate fan of the nerds. Because you can see people just go, hang on, am I a nerd for doing that? Even though there's nothing wrong with being a nerd. I think being a nerd is great. But people instinctively recall from it. Point Dexter? Yeah.

Bit American, though. We need to, yeah, cunt. First of all I just went off. Fuck off, cunt. Loads of people waiting to cry. So aggressive. Even for me, that's too aggressive. Fuck off you, God.

I, um, yeah, good stuff. I, I, I, I've started cycling. I think I need, um, how, I don't have a helmet. I'm going to get a helmet, I think, um, because I just live to, um, commerce and, uh, buy shit. Um, and I, uh, I think I know, I think I should get one of those. You know those cool fucking masks. You're bang.

like bane. Yeah, like bane. I don't think you'd look as cool as bane, would you? No, I don't think I'd look as cool as big. Because I think my cycling posture is the most upright I am in my life. I've got, I've got, it's... I've seen you, I've seen you in action. It is quite calm.

Do you remember that's how we were late for a minute at the BBC, and you had to cycle, we set to cycle, we had to share a line bike because we didn't have time to find two line bikes, even. So I sat on the back and you cycled. Where did we got, did we sort of cycled all the way to... It's all over to, um, uh, hibernating tube, didn't we? It's not long after we started the company. And for someone, I mean, obviously it's much more reasonable now

because we do stuff and we're actually successful. But back then, no one really knew much about us. And we somehow got a meeting at the BBC. And I would say, perhaps uncharitably, that if I'm not going to stay across the timings, then we're fucked because there's no way you are. And we thought it was two o'clock and it was two o'clock. And it was about eight minutes to two.

And we were like, oh, fuck. See, we thought in our infinite wisdom, we cycle there in eight minutes. be happy, right? But you're very upright with your cycle. I remember, I can picture it now. Your back was like rigid straight. Anything not to touch you.

Fair enough. On a bike, on a lineback made for two. Yeah, I think it's one of those ones where, like, it happens quite a lot to me. Like, if I'm a little bit, if I'm massively late and I manage to make up an astonishing amount of time through verve, vigor, hard work, dexterity, thoughtfulness, sight if I an intelligent

just just goddam intelligence and street knowledge I'm always kind of like I know I get there and I'm like five minutes late

and I'm like I don't even want to say sorry for being late because I've made up so much time and I could have been so much worse I think what you should do in that situation is just be really late because it looks like a force perjeure

looks like it's not your fault yeah yeah I think five minutes late looks really really sloppy 45 minutes like now we're talking. It's like the equivalent of David Ike. You know, David Like won't just talk about,

there was a brilliant video that I shared with you the other day of David Ike. And it actually feeds on nicely from what we're talking about last week, which is the idea that if you want to get in a conversation with a conspiracy theorist, you've got to take it further than they're prepared to go, right? David I did that. He literally did that.

I saw it every day. I shared it with you. There's a guy, a general commonal garden, loser, fucking conspiracy theorist, fucking idiot, right? Not even good at the conspiracies. And the thing about that is, that's unforgivable because you can say whatever you want. Once you're in that space, you can see whatever you want.

And there's no excuse about being boring. So he's talking to David Ike, one of the original, one of the OGs about the moon landings. Madness. I mean, David Ike, that's, that is like, that is like, you know, that's starter stuff. That's just the petty four at the start of the meal for David. He didn't want to talk about the moon landed. He'd been talking about lizards for like 45 years. He's got no interest in the moon landings.

He's bombed straight past that. That's kindergarten stuff. He was like, well, I think the one thing is the moon is definitely not always there. And there's a lot of stuff going on inside the moon that controls everything on Earth. And that is exactly what I'm talking about. This common or garden conspiracy theories got, they don't know what to say. Yeah. I've rated it.

It's just kind of like it wasn't even like the moon lands didn't happen. It was like the moon doesn't exist as we know it. the moon is a machine run by... Yeah. It's the Jews. It's always the Jews, actually, yeah. Oh, it's the Jews. It's...

Oh my God. Did you know about this bit of string in fucking Manhattan? What? Speaking of those guys. What's happened? There is a fishing wire, right? Are you familiar with this?

The fishing wire that goes around Manhattan? No. Observant Jews. Is this more day like stuff? Was this proper? No. It actually happens. Unless I've been absolutely swollen Kippa.

Kippa? Yeah. Anyway, the people who observe, you know, going to, you know, the Sabbath, the Jewish Sabbath every week, the people who observe it, they pay money to have a piece of fishing wire maintained that in circles, the entirety, or a lot of Manhattan, just in one big circle. Can you imagine like a bit of string encircling like going across streets Going across...

What is this happening? A fine, I'll tell you a second A fine sort of cord that goes right the way around Manhattan And it's because And there's a man who goes around Right, a holy man And presumably with some holy man with engineering skills

He goes around And he checks This piece of fishing wire Is in good order every day He goes around and he makes sure that the fishing wire encircles Manhattan perfectly. That's what he does every day. Just goes around checking that all of the bits of wire,

fishing wire, kind of encircle Manhattan. And it's because in the Torah, they sort of talk about you can't carry things on the Sabbath outside your own home. But a home is defined by a set, I think, of arches. And so with the lampost that this bit of string is on, that encircling basically extends the boundaries of your own home. And so it's a bit of a kind of,

it's a bit of a kind of let-off for observant Jews. Yeah, a loophole, literally, I suppose. For allow people to carry stuff on their Sabbath. Now, isn't that amazing? Why does nobody talk about this fucking fishing line? I literally never heard that once in my life. I haven't been absolutely, and I haven't been absolutely sold a kipper. It's incredible.

Sold a yom kipper, you might say. A yom kipper? That was the word. I wasn't 100% Yom Kipper. I hope not. I think, is it food? Is it a prayer? I don't know.

That's offensive. I'm going to Catholic school. I fucking know. The problem we've got to Catholic school is, like, you may think that's more religious. It's less religious. They only tell you about one of the fuckers. At least a primary school,

they try to tell you about bloody Muslims. And a Sikh man came out and took his turpin off and showed him on his knife. Like, that's what I remember from primary school. And for those of you who want to complain about Pete, I'd warn you to temper your expectation somewhat because Pete did spend a lot of time at Catholic school and also forgot how Jesus died.

Exactly! I wasn't even listening then! You're not dealing with an expert yet. But I'm just saying, like, schools that deal with one specific religion tell you fuck all about the world. Because they only tell you about Caesarea Philippi. I always bring that up. Who's that? I always bring up the transubstantiation.

I always bring up all that shit. Yeah. Because the transubstantiation is basically... original sin is that they observing Catholics presumably believe that the wafer

is literally the blood of Christ after it's been blessed and the wine is literally his blood yeah this is demonstrably untrue well I mean

yeah I mean people have discussed that for do you want to do a quick bit on more on conspiracies before we go yeah one of our listeners and you know what this shames me and I can't actually find how who said

because I can't find the original email. So you know who you are, and I apologize for that name checking you try. I'll try and do it next time when producer Bruno finds out who it is. But they sent this conspiracy chart. It's like a... Have you seen it? It's like an inverted triangle. Right, okay.

Of the conspiracies and how sort of weird they are. So essentially it's separated into, I think, five different categories. The first one is grounded in reality. Then you've got the speculation line, then leaving reality. then reality denial, then the anti-Semitic point of no return, which is because they all lead from one thing to another way.

So the grounded in reality ones are things like Watergate, which of course was originally a conspiracy, things like MK Ultra, things like the FBI spying on Martin Luther King. But most of these things are like actually, they actually happened, right? So then you've got the next one, which is leaving reality where it's like we have questions about this.

So things like UFOs, things like Area 51, Things like Epstein didn't kill himself, right? Then the next one, definitely false but mostly harmless. Like Elvis is still alive. The Titanic never sank. You know, Stevie Wonder isn't blind. Avril Levine was replaced by another person, you know, blah, blah, blah. Michael Jackson, yeah, all that kind of shit, right?

One of the included in there is Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer. I'm not sure that's harmless to Ted Cruz. But then, who cares? To be fair, Trump got some, Trump got some mileage out of it, didn't he? Yeah. He does nowhere he won't go. Then dangerous to your,

the next one is dangerous to yourself and others. So Joe Biden is a robot. COVID is a bioweapon. 5G is toxic. You know, the presidential election was stolen. You know, the pandemic. You know, vaccines, you know, cause autism

will have microchips or whatever. And then when you get up to the real bad ones, the kind of anti-Semitic ones. It's like, you know, the New World Order, the deep state, cultural Marxism, you know, all that kind of stuff. It's really interesting, because when you look at them in the different categories, Q&N and stuff,

when you look at them in the different categories, it actually makes sense. Because you've always said to me, oh, eventually, conspiracy theorists, they always get back to some kind of anti-Semitic behavior, and that actually proves it. It's very interesting, very fascinating, I think. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, we go. All right, then, I'm off to Temple. We'll be back on... We'll share that infographic people on the social. Yes, please do. Yeah, we'll be back on Thursday for more of this. If you're going to get to be sure, it's really easy. Hello at Libbyt Show.com.

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