The Luke and Pete Show - Ronald Reagan’s sexy sweat pants

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s been a bit hot! That didn’t stop a naked Donaldson sharing a bed with another naked male though… Elsewhere we hear about the “interesting” ways British people have been coping with the heat including swimming in a wheelie bin and wearing a… puffer jacket???Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, Luke and Pete, we look so sweet in our feet in a hot studio. How you doing? Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson are here for the Luke and Pete show. A show about precisely fat old. The beans are boiling. The sweet beans are boiling, baby. Imagine hot, boiled beans. I have to imagine them. I'll see them probably at least twice a week. You look in your cupboard and you go,

I can't eat them now. On my own hob. Although, it's funny, Sarah Cruddas of Where's My Jetpack fame, who I bloody love because she's amazing, she's living in LA now. Yes. And she posted a picture on her Instagram story

earlier today, I saw it this morning, of her saying that she was craving baked beans so she went to some kind of import store and paid like five bucks for a tin I just replied saying, worth it I love beans, I'm a beansman Could you not sort of get could you not unfry refried beans

and then just add a load of sugar? That's it, yeah I told you, you know listeners will know how I feel about the cold bean juice The cold bean juice, yeah. Can't get enough. Can't get enough, baby. It's the isotonic.

It's the new isotonic. Are you taking your socks off? It's too hot, mate. Disgusting. I had a shower this morning. And you're wearing those very porous sort of grey, I'm going to say wank pants, but they're shorts. They're in a short configuration.

If you get a bit of water on that, you're going to look like a sex offender. I don't discriminate in terms of the clothes I masturbate in. So you can put on white pants all you want. It doesn't come into my thinking. I don't care what I'm wearing. Do you remember that picture of Ronald Reagan on Air Force One wearing the same joggers?

Just wonderful. There's a bit of a trend, I think, around people saying that they find men in those grey sweatpants, not these shorts, sexy. Like it's a sexy thing. And Ronald Reagan

has put paid to that very high waist I think they're sexy because muscular men their thighs are big and you can see

just a bit more penis than you usually see I think why are you looking at me what are you trying to say my legs are not muscular in any way Peter

I know that people in the UK will probably find this tedious by now but our international listeners know that we love to speak about the that people in the UK will probably find this tedious by now, but our international listeners know that we love to speak about the weather here in the UK. Yes. And we are two days out, aren't we, from... I'm going to say...

I was thinking on the way in how to describe what happened on Tuesday. Right, yeah. And I just find it... The meeting we had. Well, yeah, exactly. That's part of it, because we had to go in. That three hours in that air-conditioned meeting room were the best part of the day.

But is it not just really odd to think of how hot it was? To me, it transcended the idea of just, quote, a hot day. It felt mental. It felt mad. In the streets, walking the short distance from the car park, I spent 25 quid on parking uh in holborn and walking down to uh where where we were having a meeting it was just like well this is you know like when you turn when i i think um i've got a setting on my oven where it's like extreme yeah

it says extreme where the fan just goes like a fucker yeah and the heat just goes up to 250 uh degrees celsius and it just felt like that. It just felt like I'd opened an oven. I was like, my God, I know it's very boring, we should be

just buggering about this all. It's not boring because I'm so passionate about it. But Peter, it is like when, to me, the reason it felt weird

is because when you were in a day that hot, generally speaking, you're after a breeze, right? You're like, I fucking need a breeze here. And the breeze itself

was so hot that you didn't want the breeze. Yeah, I think, and also driving into London past fires, like the sky was just fucking smoke. And then going back out again to the course, I was going,

oh, course is quite nice really, isn't it? Yeah. Course next to sea, it's nice. Do you just keep driving your car into the sea? I need it. The sat-nav went, it's for the best. I need it. The sort of headingv went, it's for the best. I need it.

The sort of heading back. Listening to Eureka on the way back, and Rick and the good doctor were talking about blowing up asteroids to get the mining asteroids for platinum. Get those sweet nutrients. Sweet nutrients. And I was talking about the Chinese eating the dark side of the moon until it's a crescent which made me laugh

but it sort of made me and they were talking about getting all of these materials down from space and I was going we can't deal with 40 degree heat everything's on fire I won't worry about it this isn't going to happen this morning I felt like I was still almost suffering the effects

of like a heat hangover. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we were recording this the day before, so it's just one day, one day shy. But it felt, because when I got home last night, finally, and the worst thing is obviously that in your own home, you can't keep it cool. It's just impossible.

It was in my house anyway. Get in the apology cabin with old air conditioned Donny. Air conditioned Donny. Did you sleep in there last night? No, I slept completely nude with a nude man also. A nude male. What?

Buckley the dog. He was also nude. He's always nude. He's always nude. Apart from the collar. Pervert. Yeah, we were both... You slept in a bed with a dog

on a night dog last night. What do you mean? Hasn't he got his own dog? Hasn't he got his own bed? He's old. He likes a human bed. He likes the human dog. Is that what happens?

Yeah, he just wants human... And I sleep in the dog basket. As I get older, I look at it and go, ooh, that's nice. Yeah. That's mad. And so you had a big... For me, it was completely Billy Bollocks.

Fan on the nutsack. That was itocks fan on the nutsack that was it fan on the nutsack just a little one yeah yeah strapped to my thigh with gaffer tape but it was

it was an incredible situation like I mean it felt like a whole new category which is why I'm mentioning it really it's not

it's not interesting on its face to be oh wasn't it a hot day but to me it felt like a whole new category of heat I remember the day in 2019 because

there was a situation when people who aren't from London won't know this maybe some will remember there was a really hot day and I think it was the previous record

and actually Tuesday was about three degrees hotter than that which is obviously crazy but anyway the one in 2019 I remember I was working from home that day

and I was sat in I was off to work from home or it was a weekend from home that day, and I was sat in... I was working from home, or it was a weekend, I can't remember exactly, but I was sat in the chair by the window, with the windows open, the fan just permanently on me, and I was watching that miniseries Chernobyl. Do you remember that?

Yes, good. And there's a scene in it where they all start... You feel like the elephant's foot. Well, there's a scene where they all start to tear around physically, and they look horrible. Yeah. And I had to turn it off because I thought I was going to puke. Because I was so hot and it felt so oppressive.

And the images I was being presented with, I was thinking, this is Guantanamo Basement. Well, do you remember that bloke who used to be in EastEnders who was in Chernobyl? And now he's like the mayor in Batman. Yeah. He abused a little more. Not in real life.

Just a wee bit of rough and tumble more. Yeah, that guy. Because they all take their clothes off, don't they, when the miners go in and do something? He was called Trevor, wasn't he? Trevor, that's right, in EastEnders, yeah. They're all in their billy bollocks, going in and out of like a...

I can't remember the scene where... I don't know why they've got to get... They're miners, but why have they got to get in... Because they've got to dig under this power station to try and get it enclosed, and they can't go through it, because it's too dangerous. So they all get completely naked. I just thought that was the scene

that you were going to bring up from Chernobyl. In my own way, I mean, that was an incredible act of sacrifice by them, and they should be rightly credited for it. In my own way, sat in the armchair in my living room, I felt like I was under that same amount of oppression. Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Physical, weather-based oppression. But last night, mate, I got back home, straight into the garden. Because I have to walk through the house to get into my garden. Through the house, and I was just like, there was no one in. I went through the house, and I was like, no. Carried on walking straight down to the garden, just sat in the garden. Just didn't do anything for like an hour, because the rain started coming down. Oh, nice, yeah, yeah.

And it was just a nice I love that those seconds as I'm grabbing very quickly the lawn furniture cushions and dragging them into the cabin

as quick as I can that lovely moment where it just gets really close and the rain's about to go and it was lightning last night it was brilliant

do you know what the name is for the smell oh I don't know that amazing smell when the rain hits the hot pavement the name for that is smell oh I don't know it's that amazing smell when the rain hits the hot pavement the name for that is petrichor

petrichor yeah where's that come from I don't know probably something from the latin anyway did you see

the guy who was making the most of the heat wave by filling his wheelie bin full of cold water and standing in it drinking a cocktail

I don't mind it it's a bit Newcastle United two years ago, isn't it? Do you remember most clubs have ice baths? They just have big solo bins that are sitting in. I'm not against it. I just hope he washed it. I just hope he...

Can I say just one thing? I saw the video, and I will bet any money you like that he didn't wash it. It's a really British reaction to the extreme heat I think it would have been

better if he had a cold beer on the go cocktail seemed a bit rogue for the

situation but Steve Bunce who's a boxing broadcaster that I love

he posted a similarly interesting tweet about he was up in Manchester on that hot day for work. And he was like, fuck, I need to find a pub.

Presumably an air con or whatever. But he didn't have an air con, but he just needed a cold pint. So fair enough. I had exactly the same after work yesterday. And he said there was a bloke just sat in the bar. There's no air con in the pub. Broke sat at the end of the bar,

blue jeans, no shirt, but a ripped denim waistcoat with a massive motorhead patch on the back just drinking pint after pint that's the stuff and if that doesn't make you proud to be british i'm not sure anything will there's something very uh there's something very romantic about a blogger just getting pissed by himself Romantic you say? Yeah I just think it's just Are you rehearsing this speech to your partner? Pete what are you doing?

I haven't seen you for two days There's something very romantic There's something very romantic about a man wetting himself But it's just kind of like but there's a switch that happened You know like Lemmy where he used to just get pissed and play his fruit machine But it's just kind of like, but there's a switch that happened.

You know, like Lemmy, where you used to just get pissed and play his fruit machine. Yeah. I think that's lovely. Yeah. Drinking whiskey. I had an amazing whiskey, not on a hot day. I mean, that reminds me of the day when we were in Lisbon, Pete, and it was a roasting, scorched. A roaster. And we had been on the piss the day before.

Make sure you drink responsibly, though, people listening. Let's make that very clear. We don't listening I don't care let's make that very clear we don't we don't care whether you do that or not do what you want yeah it just frustrates me

when you say that because I think that's probably quite irresponsible I mean listen if people want to know how much of a hypocrite you are by the way who wants to listen to me

hypocrite why am I a hypocrite what did you turn up to that meeting yesterday with a bottle of soda stream that's why it's so funny listeners I have to appeal to you directly Why am I a hypocrite? What did you turn up to that meeting yesterday with? A bottle of Solar Stream. That is why it's so funny. Listeners, I have to appeal to you directly.

Our League of Peaks show family will know Peaks' stance on bottles of water. You don't need to drink that much water. No one was doing it until about 10 years ago, etc., etc. Some affectation. Even Peaks realised on a 38, 40 degree day that he had to drink a bottle of water. And I love the fact that you turned up. It's quite an important strategy meeting for our company. A lot of people there, weren't there?

About 20 people there. And you walked in, bottle of water. I was like, fuck, I've got a bottle of water. And it was obvious to me, you've never once carried a bottle of water with you before. You needed some kind of vessel. We're probably leaving the house in a hurry.

And the only thing that passed muster was the soda stream bottle. Well, yeah, I'd made fizzy water. Oh, right. It wasn't fizzy when you turned up. That's my own brew. I'm turning up with my own home brew. What a hack.

What a hack, man. That's incredible. I've always been on the quest for the fizziest, most... You know I love fizzy, aggressive lager like Stella and Tisky. I love the most aggressive, fizzy waters. Yeah. You can do as fizzy as aggressive lager like Stella and Tisky. I love the most aggressive fizzy waters. Yeah. You can do as fizzy as you want, right? Do as fizzy as you want.

Do you get a whole canister into one bottle? I think I've done about five full bottles of water, and I think it's done. It's gassed out, literally gassed out. I lose my bottle, excuse the pun, because I'm worried it's going to explode. Right, okay. Because the pressure starts to get bigger and bigger.

Nah, there's a gasket in there. Hoo. Oh, fair enough. It to explode. Right, okay. Because the pressure starts to get bigger and bigger. Now there's a gasket in there. Oh, fair enough. It goes whoo. Anyway, the original story was who do you think you are, Peter? We're in Lisbon.

We've been out on the piss. The next day, some people decide to rise at 10 o'clock or whatever, head to a little local market in Lisbon, get a

little bit of food and get a drink. And you know, picture yourself in that position. You've got a bit of a hangover. It and you know picture yourself in that position you've got a bit of a hangover it's a hot day you need some sustenance you need some refreshment as well obviously and people went and got their assorted things and pete do you want to tell our luke and pete show family what you came back to the table with both eating and drinking uh a portion of

steak tartare and red wine. Glass of red. Room temperature red. I don't even... Why don't you do it? It's the worst thing. It's like a forfeit. You're basically choosing to do a forfeit. You need something. If you're going to be eating steak tartare,

which isn't the greatest breakfast, you've got to have a red wine with it. People were coming back with beautiful white pork cocktails over ice and lovely refreshing salads and all sorts. And you rocked up with it. People were coming back with beautiful white pork cocktails over ice and lovely refreshing salads and all sorts and you rocked up with that and it looked like it was a bet. If there's an opportunity to eat steak tartare I will take that every single time. Pre-football snack before as well

I've seen you eat a massive one before football. I played football last night that was a mistake. Did you really? It was inside but I mean it was... Aircon? Not enough aircon wherever there was aircon Are you serious? That was a mistake. Did you really? It still went on? It was inside, but I mean, it was... Aircon? Ooh. Fucking hell, that's even worse. Not enough aircon, wherever there was aircon.

Yeah, it was heavy going. Did you see that Portsmouth played a friendly on that night as well, and it was against Leighton Orient at Brisbane Road. What are they doing? Well, they made it behind closed doors. They told fans not to come. Yeah. You're still playing?

They're still playing. They're professionals. They have to play. They're professionals. They have to play. They're professionals. They have to get their fitness in. 40 degrees. You're volunteering for this. Good God. That's terrible behaviour.

How did you get on then? Did you do much running? No, no. It's fine. It's just, it's very much men way older than me running around.

I still can't mark them. I joined an 11-a-side team this week. How did you find out about it? You get to a certain age, you're like, I don't have any network. I moved to the area.

I don't know how to find anyone. I got into this kind of... There was this forum that I found and it was all very weird. There was an advert for grassroots football and basically I needed a veterans team who were terrible and I

and I got into this guy and he put me in this WhatsApp group and yeah there's some difficult stuff getting chucked around the WhatsApp group

always a danger I think they're ruffians that's it nuclear dad like the worst amount of dad's out and I and so there was like a little training session on the weekend nuclear dad's like the worst amount of dad's out and um I uh

and so so there was like a little training session on the weekend three new players five people in total just kicking the ball in a circle

to each other were you there yeah it was terrible shit oh the guy was so embarrassed but um they're better on whatsapp than they are in real life

they're better they're more um functional on whatsapp they're they're you know if if delivering slightly spicy memes was football,

it'd be top of the league. That's your thing now, isn't it? No, mine aren't racist. Mine aren't homophobic. That's fair. Yeah. So, yeah. Pete, is that one of the biggest things about this issue

with people essentially just using social media to be unacceptable, but no one's got visibility on these WhatsApp groups or what's happening on, say, for example, like chat on video games and stuff. That's what they call the dark social media or something like that.

I sort of, yeah, and also I think if you are a builder, no one's going to cancel you. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I was listening to a radio station called

Fix It Radio. Yeah, it's basically just for builders and manual labourers and stuff. know what I mean? Like, so, I was listening to a radio station called, um, Fix It Radio. Yeah, it's basically just for builders and manual labourers and stuff, yeah. And I think most of the hosts are ex-labourers or certainly...

The guy I heard on the clip was genuinely really good. I couldn't believe he was a builder before. Well, they're alright, but, like, the content

they come out with sometimes, they'll just do, like, five minutes on who's fit. And you're like, I've not heard this in 20 years. Radio safe space. Yeah, but it's like,

they're not like awful, but they feel very comfortable talking about stuff you wouldn't really feel, you know, I don't even talk about that stuff with mates, you know what I mean? Is it a bit, well, you haven't got a network,

you just said, is it, it's a very repressed actually is it that's one of your that's the only reason you'll be friends with them right yeah exactly

that's one of your that's one of your rider yeah is it like almost like a throwback to say the stuff like say Chris Evans was doing

in the 90s that kind of thing I don't even think they do that I don't even think they do it euphemistically you know what I mean but they're just like

it was fit in films. It was the fittest. That's the kind of thing Evans would do, isn't it? Back in the day? To be honest, I don't remember. But I just remember, I was listening to it and I was like, you know what, if you don't play the game, you don't get cancelled. If you don't pretend to be something you're not,

you don't get in trouble. So the cancel thing is interesting because there are two, for me, there are two categories in it. One is you've committed an awful crime, been found guilty of that crime, and therefore you are literally cancelled because you're in a fucking jail. That's an ostracise. Yeah, that's ostracised because of an actual legal crime.

You're R. Kelly's. You're R. Kelly's. Yeah, you're the film producer. Although there was an absolutely astonishing interview with the R&B artist, Ne-Yo, last week. Right.

Where in the interview, I think his PR was going mad about it. In the interview he said... Who's PR and Ne-Yo in 2022? Well, he said, I always still listen to R. Kelly.

You can't deny the quality. You can't deny the quality. Which I thought was a strange thing to say. Anyway, so they're the people who have been cancelled obviously for the shit

they've done, right? And that's obviously right and proper. Then you get people who perhaps I would cynically suggest, and I don't want to get my Matt Letizia, Tim Fall hat out here, people who have been cancelled obviously for the shit they've done and that's obviously right and proper then you get people who perhaps I would cynically suggest and I don't want to get my Matt Letizia Tim 4 hat out here but I would cynically suggest

that actually to loudly exclaim that they've been quote cancelled it endears them to a certain area of society which makes them more popular so it's no coincidence they are talking about, quote, being cancelled on massive platforms.

Yes, yeah. So it doesn't actually make any fucking sense. No. He's not been cancelled. No. The only person you could potentially argue, and we won't want to get into this, and you particularly won't, the only person you could possibly argue that I can think of

that has genuinely been cancelled is that Graham Linehan guy. Who is nowhere now. He's nowhere. He's completely deplatformed. What's that guy, Milo or Milo? He was completely deplatformed as well. So they were effectively cancelled. But I mean, Milo's he's always had that.

That was his brand. He was always doing that. But Linehan went, I think like completely mad like he went some kind of breakdown maybe just that kind but it's kind of like he created it he created that case for himself he'd spoken about linden before but he there's something in the male ego that if someone accuses you of something instead instead of going, stepping back and going, sorry about that. I'm like, most of the time. I've got so many examples of this with you.

What do you mean? When we've had a row or we've had a disagreement. Same here. You'll go mad though. You will? You'll go mad though. Yeah, but then, not anymore.

I've got better. Yeah, you have to be fair. But, because I just don't care anymore. We've both given up. I don't care about what you think. We've got this show now, so you don't need to worry about it. But it's kind of like,

they just go too defensive, and they go... They just double down, right? They just double down, and they spend their afternoon defending themselves. And it's like, don't worry about it.

Yeah. Just don't worry about it. And he went mad. He just went mad. It's like David Brent when he won't say sorry, so he calls the talking clock, pretending he's talking,

calling him. And then someone presses the speakerphone. He just went mad. It's like David Brent when he won't say sorry, so he calls the talking clock, pretending he's talking, calling Finchley, and then someone presses the speakerphone. He just will not apologise that he's got something wrong. Graham Linehan, to be fair to Graham Linehan, he's been doing that for about two years now, and his wife's left him. He's just had a terrible time, really. But he, yeah, mad.

But what can you do? I'm sure he still gets the residuals from Father Ted. Apparently, apparently... I'm sure he's alright. Apparently he got booted off the quite high budget musical version of Father Ted that was going to come to London. They wouldn't make it if he was attached to it. So I think he had to relinquish a load of stuff.

I'm sure he still gets the money. I'm sure he... It's interesting, isn't it? And we'll never know, will we? But it's interesting because the reasons given for him, for his family, you know, sad family breakdown, I suppose, is that they had no money. Right, okay.

Oh, right, because he could... Well, I guess so. I guess so. So anyway, that's that. Let's have a break. The man's an idiot. Yeah, I completely agree. On the other side of the break, Peter,

I'm going to do a little teaser for those listening. Apparently you... This is something I never thought I would ever say. Apparently you've bought a pair of running shoes and I want to know all about that the other side of this break. Certainly have, baby. It's the little piece show. Forgot about it, didn't you?

It's hot though, isn't it? But the thing is, what listeners don't realise is we don't have to actually put a break in. They do it later. So there's only two seconds between the first and second half for us, but you still forgot where you were in that two seconds. You know what, though? But when you're editing a show and putting a break in,

the longer is a little better. It's a little better. It was a maximum of three seconds for you to forget where you were. Yeah. Okay. That's all it takes. Talk to me about your running shoes. Why has this happened?

Do you know what are the battery brands? We usually do that straight after the break. Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, otherwise Rory will get mad. Yeah, Dr. Heal thyself, Dr. Admin. Let's do running shoes, though, because I really want to talk to you about running generally, because I've got a little offer for you.

A little offer? Yeah. Wow. So, here we go. You do them, I'll search. All right, cool. Jake's come in with me-addies. Hi, Luke and Pete.

I write this email as the UK is undergoing its heatwave and I've recently retrieved my trusty battery operated desk fan from the back of the cupboard, that's not kicking out that much heat, that much draft is it? I did tweet you these Miadi batteries last year but I don't think they ever got read out on the show so I thought I'd try again

hopefully they're a new player for the game, take care keep cool, that's Miadi M-I-A-D-Y Jake Nelson, congratulations to you. You are the only person to send in Miadi batteries ever. I've never seen them before. I must have missed the email the first time round, but it doesn't matter because no one else has sent them in

anyway. You have entered a new player into the game. Remarkable that this is still going on, but it is. Lovely stuff. Next one, we've got Sam, the nitty gritty triple A's. Gritty. Hello, Pete. Hoping to find a new player in the battery game

from the TV remote in my father-in-law's Spanish TV remote. Gritty triple A. I'm hoping the damage to the second battery doesn't count against me. I've not got a picture, Sam, but I'm sure it's beautifully damaged. It is quite damaged. Unfortunately, Sam,

you are merely the 29th person to send in gritty batteries. Ah, nuts. They're familiar to you, aren't they? They must be gritty. Nitty gritty? I don't know. I don't think I've had them before. Yeah, we've had them both.

Have we had them before? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just a bit, mate. Oh, this is jam hot. We've got some... Sam has got in touch. No, not Sam.

That was the last one. Fellas, after a miserable lockdown, looking up at the reports in the teaching, my wife and I are leaving China. Good God. Not a moment too soon, I imagine, Kia. Some might say this is an opportunity for reflection, but any Luke and Pete Shaw fan worth their battery acid knows the real opportunity

to hunt for new players. Here's a trio for you, and these are proper, like, deep cut. Really deep cuts. Bottom of the crate Chinese batteries. Yeah, really deep cuts. Gong Niu, literally means bowl. Nice,

good stuff. We've got D-M-E-C-G, and we've also got Nanfu's. I don't believe there's a meaning to this word. So basically,

this is, bear with me, right? So. Could this be a hat trick? It's not a hat trick, unfortunately, but there is some

interest in this. So, Gong Niu, that's a new player. Congratulations. We're going to have to trust his translation because all the photo shows is Chinese writing on the batteries, which you can't read, but assuming that Sam is,

sorry, not Sam, Kia is well worth his salt, which I'm sure he is, then that is a new player. Now, DMECG, you read out there, actually, he's written that wrong. According to his photo and according to stuff we've had before, they are DMEGC, and they are not new players. Although they look like a lovely recyclable mercury-free battery, they are not new players.

That's one out of two. And then NANFU, which is the final of the three that he submitted to us. I'm just going to let you know whether they are new, and they are indeed new as well. So it's two out of three. So Nanfu and Gong Yu are both deep cut new players. So we've got three new batteries in today's, this week's roundup, but DMEGC are not.

Two out of three ain't bad, as Meatloaf once said. Well, I thought I recognised the sign for the Gong bit in Japanese and it's like Prince or high-ranking official. It's the same across Japanese as well? It won't be the same. Similar. Similar.

Congratulations, though, to Kia. Yeah, well done, Kia. That's a wonderful bit of work. And he's been living under a very strict zero-Covid policy lockdown for that long. Unsuccessful.

Unsuccessful. Yeah, exactly. It's a bit wild out there stay safe Kia running shoes yes

do you want to hear about fucking running shoes yeah but the reason I bring it up is because I think it's interesting because you are not a running type

you've been against running in the past yeah completely against it completely against drinking water completely against running yeah

the anti me really do you want to go and do the Great South Run with me on the 16th of October? No, I do not want to do any of that, to be honest. Tell us about your own shoes. I would die.

Tell us about your own shoes. I would die. Was that your offer? Yeah. I've signed up. I've never run in my life, Luke. But you've got three months to train. I have no...

I've got no time. There's loads of people who've had horrible life circumstances foisted upon them right who still manage to do amazing things

like run 10 miles in the name of charity for example I got overtaken last time I did it with a guy with a fridge on his back for example

right so sure you could muster the strength from within you to do it I saw a man who I saw I thought a man

there's somebody that I know who did a 10-kilometre run for Cherry, Special Effect. Great Cherry. Give Special Effect to Google. It's fucking brilliant. A few minutes for doing it, but this one lad in particular, he did it by himself,

and he did 10 miles in like an hour, which is like good, isn't it? Or 10 kilometres in an hour. 10 kilometres in an hour. That's pretty average. It's pretty average. Yeah, yeah. But I was on his little kind of readout thing.

It said you burn like 600 calories. If I'd run 10 kilometres, I would expect 3,000 calories to be burned off. But it depends who you are

and what your size is and how fast you can run. So for me, I'm not a fast runner. But my record for 10k is 51 minutes. Okay. And I know my mate Chris,

and this has annoyed the shit out of me at the time and it still annoys me now. He came along and did a 10k race with me having done no training right and it was at the time quite a heavy smoker yeah and a boozer yeah and he just said oh yeah i just put a pair of trainers on i'll do it and i'll see how i get on and he did in 44 minutes he picked it by seven minutes right i was i was quite a runner Yeah. So people are capable of going much quicker than that. But the calorie thing

is interesting because I think I would, if you and I run exactly the same pace. You'd burn more calories than me. Yeah, because I'm much bigger. So it does depend on the number

of different factors. But 10 miles in an hour, now you're talking. Right. That'd be good. That'd be bloody good. Okie dokie. Yeah, so anyway.

That's my target then. Why would you buy your running trainers? Because I'm finding it very difficult to lose any weight with my just eating carrots diet. And so I thought, well, I just need to do a bit of exercise, don't I? Even if it's just a fucking slaw. Because I've seen people run around my town,

and they're not running. They've got their shoes on, and they're just sort of hobbling around. I'm like, I could probably do that. But I was like I could probably do it but they but I was like the problem is the only shoes I've genuinely got

are probably my all weather football trainers and that's not good on my knees so I was like I'll go down the special running shop in Southend go on my little scooter scooters back up and run

oh is it great hello was it runners need you went to what what's it called runners need no it wasn't a chain. Is Runners Need a chain?

I think it is, yeah. Right, no. This guy could not be more independent. He's not in your WhatsApp group, is he? It's a running shop. It's a running... He belongs on the fringes of society, to use a long story. He...

So I get to the front door of the shop and there's loads of fucking signs. It's like fucking a quiet place or it's like the zombies have taken over and someone's just scratched some, you know,

some instructions. Right. You know, lost kind of environmental storytelling round this door. The signs say, ring the doorbell.

Ring the fucking doorbell. There's already one in there. There's seven signs on A4 paper written in different scratchy handwriting. Ring the doorbell and I'll let you in. You're still going in. You're still going in. And I'm like, There's seven signs on A4 paper written in different scratchy handwriting. Ring the doorbell and I'll let you in.

You're still going in. You're still going in. And I'm like, this is exactly what I think runners are like. So I ring the doorbell and he's got like a barricade, which is an old set of clothes hooks that he's jammed through the door handles. Again, like a zombie apocalypse. through the door handles again like a zombie apocalypse and he sets them out

and he orders a door and he goes and he's got a box of of masks surgical masks so I've got to put a surgical mask on oh really

he must be like when was this a week ago yeah he must be like a primo runner or something and he kind of he just like

he just wants to be safe I don't know was he like was he tall and thin or something no short and thin or something? No, short and thin kind of thing, yeah.

He, yeah, he's just very kind of, he's got his own place and he just wants it. And he took it here just to answer the door. Are you the first person he's seen for a long time? I cannot, but it's right in the centre of Southend, right in the centre. Right. And I'm in there and I'm sort of, and he makes me, and he's got these socks

like presumably he goes away and boils them like he's got this big bag of socks that I put on and he makes me put a pair of socks on

I had socks on anyway to try the trainers on I guess yeah is that normal? I think so when I've been to Runners Knee they put you on a treadmill

with the trainers they think you want to buy right but I think from what I can remember, I think they don't mind you wearing your own socks. Yeah. They won't let you do it bare feet, obviously. Yeah, of course.

He made me stand up and he went, yeah, I can see what the problem is. All right. I'm only looking for the post office. There it is. It was just such a needlessly intense situation. How much do you end up dropping on them? Yeah, they're pricey.

Yeah, they are expensive. Yeah, 130. Fuck. What make are they? I think Asics. Asics is a good one. That's what I use, yeah. I went through a phase of using On, which is a Swiss brand.

Yeah. But I realised after about six months that On are basically for really light, thin, good runners. Okay. It's like basically being the world's shittest footballer and buying a pair of Predators. I just wanted really squishy ones. I was like, what is the shoe equivalent of monster truck wheels? Yeah.

I just wanted really squidgy ones. Asics, yeah. So have you actually given them a spin yet? You taking the old girls out? No, no, I have,

I mean, it's been a massive fucking heat wave. Let's make that very clear. But, can I just say, going back to the heatwave, before we wrap up, on that note, I saw a guy running when I was on my way

into that meeting on Tuesday. And it was about midday. Fucking hell. I'm being serious. And I also saw a guy on the train with a fucking puffer jacket on. Yeah. Somebody put some lad on Twitter.

There'll be some lad sat on a wall smoking a spliff on an estate and he'll just be on, he'll have full puffer jacket, he'll have full, like a couple of t-shirts on. But the old refrain,

and this is the thing that drives me fucking mad about this, the old refrain is, if it's a warm day, so like today, it's like 25 or whatever, it's a nice summer's day,

it's a warm day, right? It's fucking sticky because it's London, but it's a summer's day. And someone may be wearing a jumper because, and the refrain will be,

well, that person, wherever they may be from, they're used to a much different climate, so they don't feel it as much, right? I get that. I totally understand it. On the other hand, on Tuesday, it was fucking 40 degrees. Where's that person from?

Fucking Death Valley. I don't care where you're from. There's no way you're going, oh, do you know what? Just in case it might get a bit cold later. The fucking country's on fire. It ain't going to get cold later. Take the puffer jacket off.

It's black for on. I was lying in bed at fucking 10.30 and my room was 36 degrees. There's not a chill in the air. Fucking disposal, like fashion needs to help out the road men. Yeah. Because they just have big puffer jackets on. The bouncers.

The people who just like big jackets. West Norwood, mate. Give them options. West Norwood. I see one guy walking down the side of the street with a puffer jacket on. Another guy on the other side of the street with his top off.

It's just confusing. It's confusing to me, is all I'm saying. And I think I read on Tuesday that only 1.2% of the world's surface was hotter than London was on that day. I like it. And it's normally like

a million times more than that. Obviously it's normally a million times more than that but you know what I mean. Anyway. I blame the mayor. We'll be back on Monday.

Should we do an email special on Monday? We've not done emails for ages. We say this every time and we never get to them. We're going to do one. We're going to start the show on Monday

and we're going to do emails all the way going to start the show on Monday. All right. And we're going to do emails all the way through. All right. All right, so we'll see you then. You want to hear about my drug pooch story? All right, fine, fine. We'll do that as well. Fun time for that.

All right. Okay. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

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