The Luke and Pete Show - Sacrifice the ducks

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

What makes a good petrol station? Do you swerve the ducks and risk a pile-up, or drive over them instead? And is flashing a fake penis still flashing?Elsewhere, Pete tells us about the time he fractured his skull as a baby and Luke explains why he's offended by McCain's 'Daddy or chips' commercial. Plus, the Luke and Pete Show movie club opens its doors once more!Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How is the local paint show? I hope you had a lovely weekend. If you did, you are listening to this on Monday the 29th of April. Day before my birthday, Lukey Moore. Oh, no, exciting. Bloody exciting. Luke, I am off my head on CBD oil. Letizia vibes. Letizia vibe.

I'm having a trip CBD-infused lemon basil, lightly sparkling with 15 milligrams of CBD. Is it kind of... Oh, sense Amelia. So I've been in meetings before at external companies, and obviously they'll have like a... A little Rice Krispie bar. No, they'll be like a drink...

So for those people listening who don't work in the wanky media landscape, if you go to a meeting elsewhere, like an external place... It's the only reason why you go. Yeah. They'll put on drinks and stuff. Yeah. And I went to one before and there was a big basket

in the middle of the table with ice in it and a load of drinks in it. And half the drinks were CBD drinks. Right. Okay. And I was thinking, why is this so...

Is it 420? Well, it's not like... It doesn't do anything. I think that's why. It makes you chill though, right? I don't think it does. I think it's all just... It doesn't do anything. I think that's why. Makes you chill, though, right? I don't think it does. I think it's all just a load of nonsense to me. I reckon the whole industry's a joke.

I didn't... Well, it was on offer. Oh, right, okay. It was on offer. And I forgot I've got a cabal of bigger juice bottles. Nobody seems to be drinking in the office. No one wants your bigger juice, mate. I just want everyone to be cool.

When people, sometimes if people are late for recording or they stop off at a coffee shop on the way in or whatever, they'll buy pastries for people. I'll buy five pastries. Help yourself, can't I? It doesn't work with bigger juice. It doesn't work with Marcus.

People are just confused. People are just confused. Yeah, okay, right. It's 9am. Why do I want a bigger juice? It's got 80 grams of sugar in it. I wasn't lit, so that should mean that I am wedded

to getting the bigger juice inside your bodies. Well, I wasn't lit, so that should mean that I am wedded to getting the bigger juice inside your bodies. Yeah, I think you are very steadfast in your commitment to the bigger juice and I applaud that. I have two major brands,

Coolish Ice Cream. Coolish isn't a major brand for you anymore. You never talk about it anymore. Well, because I just don't have access to it because they refuse to import it.

Pouch of ice cream. People do it for me. It's a little pouch of ice cream, a little Capri Sun packet of ice cream, vanilla ice cream for me. It's a little pouch of ice cream, a little Capri Sun packet of ice cream, vanilla ice cream. But people send me it pretty much constantly when they're on holiday in Japan.

They go, Pete, I've got some. I'm like, good. You don't talk about it as much. And yet the Lotte Corporation do not get involved. The Korean ice cream company Lotte do not bother getting involved with me. I could be a big sponsor. I could be a big headline Western sponsor.

There's quite a few things in American stuff that they don't import properly here as well, which I guess is a company bother. Oh, we get 10% of all of the brands, don't we? It's very upsetting. It's not as good. No, it's not as good over here. I wish that in most off-licences

slash M&S wild bean cafes and garages, I'd want one of those rollers that know, those rollers that roll hot dogs and cheese and onion. Yeah, you do get some of those. You don't really. Every 7-Eleven, you can be guaranteed, whenever you arrive, day or night, you'll have access to a warm sausage. Yeah.

And if not, Slim Jim's. Is there any – Slim Jim's is basically like a big pepperami, right? It's not right. I mean, it's... Mark was eating one on the wrestling show recently and the thing about Slim Jims is it's like they're really greasy on the outside. Yeah.

The membrane is really tough. Yeah. And the inside is dry. Yeah. It's like they've deconstructed. You know, like when people get... When Michelin star chefs, they basically take a Big Mac meal and they deconstruct it

and they make it into this. Yeah, it's like a little kind of test how you would work with these shit ingredients and make it taste nice. They deconstruct these things and make these delicious kind of creations from the ingredients of a McDonald's meal. It's like that, but they've deconstructed it and they've put all of the things in the wrong bit. The grease is on the

outside, the dryness is in the middle. It's just a shit show. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! The local petrol station there where my wife's parents live has got an astonishing array of breakfast foods

for a petrol station right so basically people listening from the US if you've not visited the UK very much or not at all petrol stations in our

country they're just they'll have like maybe a good one when they have like an M&S food on the side yeah or some kind of

mini mart yeah but in so the Cumberland Farms one there Cumberland Farms it's called Cumberland Farms Yeah. Or some kind of mini mart. Yeah. But in, so the Cumberland Farms one there, it's called Cumberland Farms, Cumbies they call it. It's got like a whole wall of like iced coffee options.

Yeah. It's got like a heated counter. It does loads of breakfast foods for people on their way to work. I called, you can get coffee anytime and also I called, we've only recently started

getting coffee machines in our like little Costa Mini coffee machines. Are they any good, though? Yeah, they're alright. But some of them give you receipts to get pay for it, and some of them don't. So it's kind of difficult to figure it out.

When you're on a long journey in the car, what's your kind of stopping strategy? All the time. Just constantly stopping, constantly loading up on coffee and sweets. There's a lot of

like, there's food that you don't get anywhere else, like mint twirls and stuff, orange twirls. They'll piss about

with the form a little bit and you'll only ever see them in garages. Like a little testing ground? Little testing ground, yeah.

But then you'll see this product that you don't see anywhere else so you just grab loads of them and then you're on your way. You'll get like bags of both sweets but then you'll see this product that you don't see anywhere else, so you just grab loads of them, and then you're on your way. You'll get, like, bags of both sweets, but then you'll also get, like, really bad sandwiches,

like atrocious sandwiches, maybe a pork pie, and the rest is just, like... Who's buying four pints of milk on the M1? Nobody. Me on the way home. They also do massively sized chocolate bars in petrol stations. Yeah.

So the king size, it always just seems to be king sized chocolate bars in petrol stations. Yeah. So the king size, it always just seems to be king size chocolate bars. But the reason I'm asking is because I think that you, if you and I were on a big long road trip together and you're driving, what's the conversation going to be like? What do you mean? I just think that you might find it hard to feel the silence.

I tell you what, if you go on a long car journey, I did when we went out up to hartlepool it absolutely flies by if you've got something to talk to definitely yeah 100 mad but if i do it myself i'll get quite tired yeah i have to really line up and queue up like podcast records because it gets so dull otherwise i listen to a lot of like um spotify, obviously, but it's just nice to experience music in its natural habitat. When I was driving back from... I was in Bristol a week or two ago, and I was driving back on the M4,

and it was quiet, thankfully, for what I'm about to tell you. And in the distance, I saw a shape moving on the road. And I was like, what the fuck is that? And I thought it was like a bin bag being blown around in the wind. Badger dancing. It was a duck and like eight ducklings. Oh.

I had to swerve around them. That's nice. And it was frightening. Yeah. But I think that's one of those things where like, if someone's having car trouble, people just go and burn, speeding up, if anything, past them. Ducks, though, I think everyone stops

for a duck. It's very difficult when you're driving at like 70 miles an hour. Yeah, to stop. Someone's going to, I'll tell you now, someone's going to have killed those ducks. Yeah. It wasn't me though. There was no blood on your hand. No, which is important. It's a bit of a moral dilemma really because I swerved last minute. It was like

the two forks in the train. I swerved. Which truck do you go on? Yeah, and it was fine and I didn't hit anyone and there was no problem. But if I had swerved last minute. It was like the two forks in the train. I swerved. Which truck do you go on? Yeah, and it was fine, and I didn't hit anyone, and there was no problem. But if I had swerved around eight ducks and hit another car and caused a big pileup,

it's not worth it. No, it's not. Kill the ducks. They shouldn't be there. Yeah, they're out of their natural environment, aren't they? They shouldn't be pissing about in there. I'm not going to kill the ducks.

The problem is, though, Pete, it's an instinctive decision, isn't it? And you're brought up not to want to kill anything. You shouldn't reverse over them. Just to make sure. No, I would never do that. Pete, we'll get the animal rights people on our back again. Yeah, I don't think they've ever gone on our backs,

to be honest. I've created a rather bit of a four-par. Go on, tell us about it. In the Donaldson household, I have locked the dog leads in my car. And there's no key at home for my partner to get the dog. Because of your key ring. No.

It's because of your keys again. I told you. Separate them out. Why? Because of this reason. If my wife needs to get in the car now, why are the dog leads in the car? The car keeps hanging up on the hook.

She can go in there. Why are the dog leads in the car? Do you know that people, when we posted the video of you, your Toyota Century, and people saw your keys in the key, what's it called? The lock.

The key lock. Everyone was saying, change those keys. Change those keys because it will damage the... The ignition barrel. The barrel. But I would also say that here, there's actually quite a nice feature of that car,

unique to it. It's actually got a magnet on the side of the steering wheel so you can actually just smash, smush all your keys so it takes all of the weight out of the barrel. That's a good idea. But also, do you think that is for people who do a hell of a lot of driving? And I imagine like American people

who just drive miles and miles and miles. We've got a hell of a lot of keys. Miles and miles and miles that are going to fuck up your lock. But they're not going to be in that lock that often because I don't drive all that often. I think everything in the universe is screaming out towards you just to change the setup and you refuse to do it. I'm going to get more keys.

You've got dog leads in the car and you can't get them out. I'm going to get so many keys my trousers are going to fall down. You've got a damaged ignition barrel. Speaking of, is that the whole plan? You're going to get keys that are so heavy, your trousers keep falling down in public? Yeah, and I'm not being a pervert. It is my keys.

Look, that guy I told you about, who was flashing people. Right. But it wasn't his penis. It was like a fake penis he'd put on. Oh, right, so he can't get me copper. So he was basically saying, yeah, I will. I mean, he's had the cursory think about it

hasn't he well I think it meant I think it meant that he could get away with a certain I don't think he can because to I think most of

I've been watching like this lawyer on YouTube and he's basically he's a barrister of England and Wales is he a lock picker England Scotland

England and Wales I can't remember it's England and Wales it's like the cricket is he a lock picker or not he's not a lock picking lawyer no my flies are down no they're not? He's not a lockpicking lawyer, no. My flies are down.

No, they're not. Good. I'm not the flasher. But a lot of law seems to be to any reasonable person. So if I think that you're flashing your junk around and it happens to be a plastic junk, I think you can still get arrested for doing the same thing because the effect is the same.

But you think I'm reasonable? Am I being reasonable? I guess it depends. Isn't there a certain law as well? Like, for example, if you... It's like a weird pick-and-deliver law that says, for example,

if you're having sex in your car, it's only a crime if someone sees it. Right, okay. So if a police officer walks up and sees you, they tell you to stop. But if a member of the public sees it and complains, it's then a crime. Yeah if a member of the public sees it and complains, it's then a crime.

I, yeah, I could say that. Do you not think that, I always sort of, I'm always surprised that you can't get pissed and sleep in your car. Because you're in charge of a vehicle. Yeah. Oh, really?

Even if you're in the back seat? Even if you're in the back seat, people lock their car keys in the boot so they don't have access to them, et cetera, et cetera. Like, they think they get away with it, but no. Oh, I'd rather just go home. you are technically in charge of a motor vehicle

if you are in that vehicle which seems mad absolutely mad how often have you found yourself in this situation I reckon I've probably broken the law

like once I think yeah just having a snooze in the back of the car because I'm just a bit like oh god I don't feel good

but have you got home late before and been like I can't disturb the wifi back until I'mze in the back of the car because I'm just a bit like, oh God, I don't feel good. But have you got home late before and been like, I can't disturb the Wi-Fi back until I'm asleep in the car? Getting the Toyota Century, yeah. Could you reckon you could do that, could you? It would be a bad luck for the school run, wouldn't it? I think we've worked out what that phantom switch on your car was as well, that you didn't know what it did.

Right. I think it might be for a taxi light. Do you reckon? Flip the light on and off on top of the roof. Yeah, but where's the wire? Well, I don't know, it's your car. You just showed me the light on and off on top of the roof. Yeah, but where's the wire? Well, I don't know. It's your car. You just showed me the switch

and it turned with a wire. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll be back in just a second after some short adverts. Take a listen out for the ACAS noise.

Ring. Pete, last time we met, you were very confused between Phil Collins and Bob Hoskins. Sounds like me. Which is interesting. We also conducted a survey that concluded that life was better in the 17th century for a certain amount of people.

And I also reviewed a movie called Civil War. Now, I watched another great movie on Saturday night. Right. I don't know if I told you before, but my wife goes to bed quite early. Obviously, my son goes to bed early because he's a baby. What a baby. I know. What a big baby.

Crying, whiny baby. I watched The Zone of Interest. Oh. Have you seen it? No. Have you heard of it? What is that? No.

Won an Oscar. Did it? Let me just check what Oscar it won. Zone. Best film about a zone. So it's basically a historical kind of drama and it's based on a book by

your friend and mine what's his name I can't remember Tom Sawyer yeah no he's called Martin Amis right yes

and it won the Oscar for best international film ah Amis is still with us isn't he Martin Amis died quite recently that's a shame Best International Film. Ah. Ames is still with us, isn't he? Martin Ames died quite recently. Ah. That's a shame.

Yeah, it is. It doesn't affect the film, though. No. He died, yeah, about a year ago. Anyway, so the film is about Rudolf Huss and his family, the commandant of Auschwitz, who live on a house. Do you think a man who looks like me doesn't know who Hess is?

Good God. Lives on a beautiful house and gardens just the other side of the wall of Auschwitz. And it's a film about their everyday life. Yes, people not knowing what's happening, etc. No, they know what's happening. They just don't care. Right, okay.

And they, well, they're basically architects of it, I guess. You don't see the concentration camp in any detail. You only hear it. You see the tops of the buildings. You see circumstantial stuff around. And it's about the mundanity of their everyday life, the admin, the stuff that happens, and how it impacts upon their life occasionally

and how they react to it. And it's done like a very, it's a Jonathan Glazer movie, right? So he's done some other quite interesting films as well. It's done in quite an arthousey way, but there's no kind of explanation. There's no kind of real plot necessarily, other than just the fact that like, Rudolf Hirst doesn't want to leave Auschwitz

and be posted somewhere else. And his wife loves living in the house. They want to stay there. And all this stuff kind of goes on around them. It was amazing. It was like deeply, deeply unsettling, which I guess, of course, is the point. Very, very...

You can hear the night. Yeah, you can hear the... But I ended up, because it's one of the more irritating parts of my personality, I ended up kind of reading around about it. And that house, I think, is still there. But they couldn't use it because it was old.

And obviously in the film, it's just been built. So they had to rebuild a replica of it. And then the sound guy, the sound team for that movie, they were like going through records that they could find of when people were being shot and how far away from the house they would have been shot. Oh, and what I just sound exactly.

So it's so authentic. I like that. So like there would be like, um, obviously in the, you know, in the background of out of the living room window when they're having dinner, there's like a dining room window.

There's like furnaces burning in the background at certain times of the day. It's all super authentic, but it was absolutely amazing it was genuinely you kind of start training yourself to sort of hear the horrors that are kind of unseen what's really so what yeah i think so and what i think i've always been kind of fascinated about is is what people don't like to imagine, I think. Okay, let me put it this way. It's much more convenient for people, isn't it, to read about Nazi crimes and go, yeah, they're just monsters.

Just write them off. They're just complete psychopaths. It can never happen again. Yeah, exactly. Whereas actually, that's not the case, is it? They're otherwise quite ordinary people. And that's very, very difficult for people to take as a palatable idea like the whole idea of the mundane that the banality of evil that kind of thing

and what the film did really well and i won't there's not really anything to spoil it because it kind of just is what it is it's not really a plot anyway but what it did really well is it um is it it kind of showed the absurdity of it but how that Hurst is very content to live his life. He clearly believes in what he's doing. He's completely radicalized by it and believes in it. And you only got to read the historical record to know all that stuff anyway. But there are moments in it, Pete,

where they've obviously got kids, right? They've got three kids live there as well. And there's moments where the absurdity and the evil of what they're doing impacts upon their lives in a way they can't control. So, for example, they go fishing in the river and some human remains appear in the river. And so he goes mad.

He grabs his kids out, runs them back home, scrubs them all down. And then he starts getting really emotional about how this can't happen. He's saying it can't happen because I guess people on the surface. But he's like, and then he starts getting really emotional about how this can't happen. He's saying it can't happen because I guess people on the surface level, he's saying this is careless. Yeah.

It shouldn't be happening. But what he's really saying is, I can't have this anything to do with my kids. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because of how bad it is, right? And I also read really interestingly that the two lead actors who play

Rudolf Hess and his wife, are German actors. They're amazing, obviously. The performances are amazing and I think there's something in the idea that when you're watching a subtitled movie

you are convinced that the acting performances are even better for some reason because they're not actors that you recognise there's no kind of leap that you have to make

in your mind they were amazing but anyway both of them apparently as German actors who were getting a reputation both committed to never playing

Nazi characters they never wanted to. Right. We don't want to do this for all these obvious reasons. And that to be convinced for a very long time to actually do it by Jonathan Glazer, who obviously wrote and directed the movie. So it was an amazing film.

And it's something I heard a lot about because I'm interested in 20th century history and because it won the awards. And I was like, I've really got to watch it. And I'm so pleased I did. Like sometimes it's really disappointing when you're really hyped for a movie that's supposed to be brilliant. But this one was like, I've really got to watch it. And I'm so pleased I did. Like, sometimes it's really disappointing when you're really hyped for a movie that's supposed to be brilliant.

But this one was like, it was so affecting. I was thinking about it so much afterwards. It's so amazingly done. And the one thing I'll just finish by saying is that, you know when you watch a movie and it's a horror movie, and so the best horror movies are the ones that make you do the hard work. So like Jaws, you hardly ever see the shark.

Alien, you hardly ever see the alien. You're telling yourself these stories, which makes it more frightening. It was basically like that. We don't need to see the horrors because we've all seen the footage before. We understand how horrific it was. But for it to do it in such an abstract way and make you feel the gaps, because honestly, you're really at a point where some mundanity is happening in their living room

around their family and you're hearing things in the background and asking yourself what the fuck's happened there so I've just been shot again it was really really affecting

it's well worth watching you should watch it I do fancy it when I saw the description I very much fancied it but it sounds like it's one of the worst so that's three good films

I've seen really recently the third one I haven't talked about was Dune Part 2, which I really enjoyed. Long. Villeneuve. Long. Very long. Really long.

And I do think, as I was saying to Marcus earlier, wasn't I, that, you know, a lot of these amazing blockbusters back in the day, they get it all done in two hours. In and out. I watched Baby Reindeer. Very good. Oh, I've heard about that.

Excellent. Is that a series or a movie? It's a series, and it looks like The Witch Hunt. It's about stand-up. I wouldn't watch it. Oh, really? Is it actually good? Yeah, it's excellently done.

And the sort of parasocial, I suppose you'd call, relationships, a bit of a buzzword at the moment, but I could see people sort of having to endure. But I think the takeaway is that stalking is such an all-encompassing and horrific thing to do to somebody. And a lot of people can't help it because they're mad. But it's just such a horrific thing to do to people. It permeates every part of your life.

It appears that the law isn't at all equipped to deal with the psychological aspect of it for both the victim and the perpetrator, right? Yeah. Because clearly people, I'm not making excuses for them because obviously the victims are the people we should worry about. Half the time they don't know that they're doing it. They're damaged.

There was a guy who flew, who flew in from, I think, India, went straight to Golden Square to see my partner, Sarah, and security just let her up, let him up.

And it's just stuff like that, where like, he won't even know that that's fucking weird. He won't even know that that's an insane way to conduct yourself. Yeah.

Because he's just a fan. But, like, nobody is willing to sort of front up to the fact that, you know, it's a dangerous situation. I've been on the radio before where a very, very prominent female broadcaster had that exact similar issue. And they had to make adjustments to how they could travel yeah to and from the studio and then um in the middle of a show we were doing once through the in the gallery there was always police officers and i was like the fuck's going

on like we had to obviously wait to break. Broke for ads. The guy, the stalker guy, he'd phoned like a bomb threat into the studio. Right, right. Because he couldn't see the person. Yeah. Wild. Absolutely wild.

I don't know, actually. So of the handful of female broadcasters I know well. None of them will have not experienced. I don't know anyone who's not had that. Experienced several, several of them as well. And you've got to constantly check your, you've got to constantly check people's intentions. You've got to constantly second guess yourself. You've got constantly kind of sense check every email,

every dispatch you get. It is exhausting to be a public figure. Luckily, you got Mr. Muscle to sort it out. Mr. Muscle was a real insult back in the day for me. Perspectacle man.. Spectacle man. Spectacle man. Do you think... Mr. Muscle did a lot of

terrible things to the young spectacled youth. I actually think there's a lot of 90s commercials that were damaging to men. Yeah. Which one?

T-fal? I had a man with a big head. Not so much that one. Well, the T-fal men, they had big heads. Was it because they had big brains? And they chose T-fal because I had a man with a big head. Not so much that one. Well, the T-fal men, they had big heads. Was it because they had big brains? And they chose T-fal because they had big brains. And they had massive foreheads.

And a few people who had big old nappers would be called T-fal heads. I don't remember that. That didn't take off at all. T-fal head, yeah. The one I found particularly offensive, particularly now as a father, is the daddy or chips one. Daddy or chips.

It's just so insulting. Why? Because the whole premise is that whatever your dad does, he's never going to be as good as chips. I wouldn't think that too deeply about it. You're just soliciting one child's opinion about daddy. And we don't know daddy's portfolio. He might be showing up as a great father in front of the camera.

He might be terrible. Yeah, okay. portfolio. He might be showing up as a great father in front of the camera. He might be terrible. Yeah, okay. I just think that if my child was offered his dad for a plate of chips, if he was my son, he'd go for the chips. I would be offended by it. I also think, obviously, there's a lot of... Daddy made of chips? Has daddy got chips? A chip dad? Has daddy got chips? A dad... A chip dad. Has daddy seized the means of production for the chips? A chip dad. Yeah.

Is life-size. It's the size of a dad. Massive chip, yeah. But it's a chip. And it teaches you about eating healthy. Right. That'd work. Because if you keep eating them, you won't have a dad.

You are basically... If your dad keeps eating them, you won't have a dad. Yeah. Because he's starting to get type 2 diabetes it's not good for him I just think that you know obviously a lot

understandably right that a lot of attentions on like how difficult it is for women in modern society but the patriarchy which is a thing is damaging to men as well

because it means that it basically seduces men into thinking they have to be a certain type of man to be legitimate. Right. A strong man,

a successful man, a whatever. Yeah. And not all men are like that because everyone's different. So the whole thing does need to be smashed in my view

for those kind of reasons. Luke, you've seen my toolbox. I am... You came in with your toolbox the other day. I'm such a big boy. I'm such a bigger boy these days.

So I don't have to worry. I've very much been codified into the patriarchy. Can I also tell you that I actually managed to, without issue, put two stair gates up the other day.

Oh, right. Okay. So... The wife I have access to went for a walk with the boy. I said, you go for the walk. By the time you come back,

a couple of stair gates will be up. Hang on. She didn't believe me. But the thing about the stair gates, if I'm right, are they pressure fixings? Right, okay. What's wrong with that? I'm just saying it's just 3M tape and a bit of 3M tape and something. Hang on, so the thing about the stair gates, are they pressure fixings?

Right, okay. What's wrong with that? I'm just saying it's just 3M tape and a bit of 3M tape and some screwing in it. No 3M tape. How do you, hang on, so you've got the little... I'm taking measurements. That's what I'm doing to start with. You know the little circles?

Yeah. What would you call them? Screws. So you unscrew the screws to make it fit the aperture. Well, there's extensions involved as well. So you have to measure for the extensions because you put extensions on each side if you need to. But is there not some 3M tip involved in the pads

that you use to protect your paintwork? No, you don't need to because they're kind of like a soft plastic. Right. Are you sure you don't have them? Are you sure you're not supposed to put them on? Because all I'm hearing now is that you've done it wrong I'm not sure check the bag

see if there's any stickers it's honestly fine the way you go about it is you measure and if you need to put an extension so the confusing things happens when

for example as was the case in my house you've got quite a thick skirting board yeah so you have little extenders on the top and not on the bottom

yeah fascinating yeah so and then you screw them and the more you screw obviously the more pressure you have little extenders on the top and not on the bottom. Exactly. Fascinating. Yeah, and then you screw them, and the more you screw, obviously, the more pressure. You have to get to a certain pressure where they're not safe. I'm quite interested.

I've seen StairGates before, where you click them, and the screws are clickable, aren't they? They sort of go click, click, click, click, click, click, so you know you're sort of getting it tighter and tighter each time. Could I interest you in purchasing a couple of Scandinavian branded ones

that are about £100 more than all the others? More expensive, yeah, because they look nice. Yeah. And that's what I did. It's a very good piece of kit, actually. It's a very good piece of kit. It's actually really good because my son's on the move now,

so he can now crawl around. We've put the gates up in a certain way where he's only got access to a certain part of the house where it's safe and he can just crawl around. He loves it. And you haven't got to worry about it. It's peace of mind only got access to a certain part of the house where it's safe and he can just crawl around he loves it and you haven't got to worry about it it's peace of mind I would recommend a stair gate

I would recommend it are you a big fan of a little playpen a little holding cell it's controversial isn't it is it yeah I'm up for it

but other people in the family have said that they don't think we should do it but it's just it's just a nice place for them to relax think about what they've done I'll put it

as I said to the people in my family, I'll put them in there at eight in the morning, and I'll get them again at eight at night. Exactly. Can I also add another complication into the Stairgate saga, into the story, that I forgot to mention? So our house, you come in,

you're straight up the stairs, and you're on the first floor. So you get to the garden, and you go straight down the back stairs. Not a staircase. Yeah. So ordinarily, you'd put a stair gate on the front stairs and a stair gate on the back floor. So you get to the garden and you go straight down the back stairs. So we're basically... Not stair gates. Yeah. So ordinarily, you'd put a stair gate on the front stairs

and a stair gate on the back stairs. The kids are not spending any time downstairs anyway so you only need to keep them upstairs. Right. Here's the problem.

Can't put them on the back stair because the cats can't get through the gaps and they can't jump over because the stairs is immediately there so it's too much of a drop.

So I've had to put it in a different part of the house. Right. So there's a lot of problem solving involved. Can you just put the stair gate on the child so it can't much of a drop. So I've had to put it in a different part of the house. So there's a lot of problem solving involved. Can you just put the stair gate on the child so it can't get upstairs?

Yeah, that's a good idea. It's too wide for the stairs to get up. I'd like to put him in a big zorb. Yeah, so he's never going to hurt himself. So if he goes down the stairs, it's fine. It's absolutely fine. But that was kind of my form of, you know, just going down the stairs

in a sleeping bag on your bum. Sleep, really? Yeah, do you know what you should do with that? Like Kevin McAllister, sled. No down the stairs on in a sleeping bag on your bum sleep really yeah you should do that like kevin mcallister sled like you sit in a sleeping bag you just sort of slide down the the whole of the stairs and it it really hurts your bum you got not when you were one though nah i mean i did i did uh fracture my skull and break my collarbone in two separate to falling down the stairs events when i was about that age so uh you fractured your skull not good parents stewie and christine you fractured your skull? Not good parents, Stewie and Christine. You fractured your skull?

Fractured my skull on one event and then fell down the stairs again. I mean, God knows what sort of services they're doing. I don't remember anything these days. It's probably related. Were you too young to remember it? I think I was too young to remember it. But they just told you that?

Broke my collarbone. I can still feel it now. It's a bit wonky. And yeah, fractured my skull. Two different events. I wouldn't be telling my son that unless I absolutely had to. Yeah, good point, actually. Do you reckon they sort of feel like they have to just in case?

It's a problem of our parents' generation. They're always oversharing, aren't they? And that has been the Luke and Pete show on Monday, 20th of April. Pete's birthday Eve. Pete's birthday Eve. I'm going to be... 50 is a big one, isn't it?

50 is the big one. I certainly feel it these days. But yeah, I mean, how am I going to spend my 43rd year? 44th year? Well, your 44th year, weren't it? 44th. That's big.

I think 43, you can still sort of get away with kind of, you feel like it's the start of the 40 still. But 44th year starts to sound a bit muggy doesn't it me and all the Luke and Pete show community

have fingers crossed for you when you come downstairs in the morning tomorrow you get yourself a donut boy yes

see you later guys the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network