The Luke and Pete Show - Selling your skin

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Welcome to a new week of LAPS! It's lovely to have you along. Pete's back from his holidays with the partner he has access to, but he missed the dogs he has access to and it turns out there's a problem with the fridge he has access to. So, a mixed bag really.We start proceedings by getting stuck into Saltbae in a way that we could never afford to do in his actual restaurant, before waxing lyrical about foxes and walkie talkies. Our wonderful LAPS family has also excelled itself with some stories of their own, as they always do, so stick around for that.Hit us up: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It is Monday the 4th of October. I'm Pete. I'm joined by Luke once again. Luke, how the diddly-dabbly are you doing on this Monday morning? Are you alright? I'm doing okay. I'm very, very pleased to have have you back I just love to have you back mate It's not that I'm back you just like to know where I am and what I'm up to I think that's the main thing for an hour every week you get to sort of know where I am, what I'm up to and that gives you a little bit of solace in this

let's face it, cataclysmically unpredictable world Yeah so we should make it very clear, well we should make it very clear. Well, we did make it very clear to our listeners, didn't we, that you were off on your holiday, so we were pre-recording a couple of shows. So to them, it will feel like you haven't been away.

That's the beauty, the magic of broadcasting. But to me, haven't seen you for a little while. The only time I see you is if we're on the football ramble together, which isn't that often. True. Or on this show, and my other experiences of you are just little boxes of different colors on a short and a shared calendar that we have and a lot of the time i don't understand what it is you're doing so um i'm pleased to know that you're safe and

well you're doing okay you've got a lovely tan as well you look as brown as a berry yeah i'm waiting for the peel to begin uh and then I'll be selling off bits of my skin like that OnlyFans girl who sold her bath water. I'm going to be selling off little portions of my skin that people can take the skin from the Jiffy bag, wear it on their faces and just have a little slice of peat with you wherever you are. What a delicious idea. What a delicious idea. you are delicious idea how much how much would you sell it for because i've just noticed that um the price of gold per gram currently at time of recording is 56 dollars per gram right um you'd probably better get a good size um piece of skin of yours for a gram yeah i think price it will be

you know when people balk at the prices of Salt Bae's restaurant, it will be kind of the same price. People will be like, look, it's clearly a quality product, but not that much of a quality product. The man's lived a terrible life, and I don't think that skin is going to endure any. It's just got to be dusty. Just be a load of dust in six months.

If I bought a Salt Ba-based tomahawk steak and instead of covered in gold leaf it was covered in your skin that would be quite the experience that would be wonderful that would be a color i wouldn't put it past him to be quite frank what i like about the obviously salt bear uh he is a meme who lives in dubai i believe and he's come over to london and he's he's created he's created a restaurant he's created a little franchise uh set of restaurants uh and people are balking balking at the idea of uh some of the quite underwhelming quite ad hoc cooking oil on a steak with a bit of bread uh kind of nature of a lot of the dishes and he's very much sort of um he's very much a situation where he's selling things like Tomahawk sticks for like 600 quid a pop, which, you know, anywhere else, 50 quid maximum. And I think, yeah, I've got a couple of points to make on this, Pete, and I'm very passionate about it, as you can probably already hear.

One, there is never going to be a shortage of people out there who are able to separate stupid people from their money. of people out there who are able to separate stupid people from their money and i think if we're being totally honest you and i have both been guilty of that in the past of being the victim rather than the perpetrator okay yeah and i'm sure we will do it again secondly um you know anyone who's listening to this show who's got an interest in eating out in london i am by no means a foodie and nor is p, but we know our way around to the point that if you're about to drop a grand on a meal, don't do that. Email or tweet

us and we'll find you a nicer place for a tenth of the price and everyone wins. And we'll only take a 50% commission. We'll take a little bit of money from them. I think in many ways, and you say that we've been on the receiving end of such terrible late-stage capitalism

rather than giving it out. I mean, I was at a WrestleMania live show where Mark Haynes was selling cans of Tizer with the words bird blood taped over the front for four quid. So there is, I can't really sort of have an opinion about Salt Bares restaurant after that little debacle. But what I do like about it is that he knows he can sell tomahawk steaks for 600 quid or whatever.

Yeah. A lot of these like receipts have stuff like Red Bull on them, which if you're going to a restaurant and you're drinking Red Bull, you should be escorted off the premises to be quite frank the red bull there's 11 quid it is yeah i saw the receipt it is oh good god well the thing that got me was is that the um you know the is it the flowering um onion is it an onion flower what do you call it where they just slice up an onion uh in a certain way so that when they dip it in batter and throw it in the oil, it kind of opens up a little bit like a chrysanthemum. And that was 20 quid. I think it was like 18, 20 quid.

And he knows that's too simple. He can't sell a flowering onion or a blooming onion or whatever you call them for more than 18 pounds, which is sad to me because he should have a bit more about him. He should sort of go, no, that's a £40 flowering blooming onion. But, you know, onions are like 6p. I know. Literally.

I know, but how much is a slice? Because we don't have access to cost-priced steak and cost-priced meat, he can get away with putting the big end on the tomahawk steak. But the whole business with the flowering onion, I just think he could have added a bit more to that, I think, and made a bit more cash. This is the first. I've heard of the flowering onion. All these news outlets over the last week or so have missed the big angle.

It's Donaldson bringing the truth. The flowering onion should be more, because it's a low-rent dish at a high-end restaurant and they should have made it more expensive, to be quite frank. Terrible. I think it's amazing, really. And like I say, listen,

if you're in the Wild West in the late 19th century in the US, you would have snake oil salesmen, you'd have magic potions, you'd have all this stuff. This has always been going on, right? People were never going to not fall for this, certain people. And, you know, the sad indictment, I suppose, is that there are some people out there who are so wealthy that whatever they pay for a meal just doesn't even touch the size

and don't give a shit, right? They just want to be seen there. They want a back rub from Salt Bae. They want to see them do this thing with the elbow. And that's what they're there for. And in a way, you could possibly argue that it's just a very kind of expensive theatre thing right yeah because even the reviews i've seen have been like oh but it's like there's a real buzz when he walks into the restaurant you know and he's about

four foot tall which is mad as well anyway my point i was just going to make the folly towers cafe yeah exactly exactly it's a bit like that he is he is in many ways a 21st century man well right yeah he is yeah it's tiny and that's fine i would like to see him slapped over the head and stuck in a in a laundry basket but but the point i suppose i'd like to make is i sincerely believe and i've not eaten there and i probably never will eat there but i sincerely believe that you would probably have a better meal at an honest burger you know the there, they take care of it. It's a high street burger restaurant, fine,

but at least they take care of the fucking stuff they do. They take pride in it and the burgers are good. You know, if you go down into Soho or to Covent Garden, no, Soho probably is probably a better place to go. Go to Soho in London, go to somewhere like Catty Roll Company, which is beautiful, regional Indian food in these wraps, these catty rolls. They're about a fiver each. You get three of them and you have a lovely meal with a with a you know a drink or whatever glass of wine there are loads of places in london you can eat this isn't this

place isn't targeted for people who are tourists is it and and the big and the big amount of the criticism has come from the fact that like the exact same meal in one of these restaurants in a different country like istanbul or whatever it's like a tenth of the price but it's the same fucking shit right yeah yeah i think yeah i mean the catty roll company is a really good example of like uh effectively a fast food joint that tastes like no other fast food it's incredible like a beautiful tamarind kind of paste they use for the for some of the dishes and some of the wraps and stuff like if we're ever gonna if we're ever going to do restaurant reviews

and get on the whole Ed Gamble... We should. What's that? Is it Table Manners? No, what's that show they do? Open Table. Is it Open Table? Oh, Off Menu. Off Menu, where they talk to celebrities about dinner and stuff.

And inexplicably, you know, Ed and the other, is it James Acaster? They both eat in the best restaurants constantly throughout the week. So they recommend them on their Instagram and stuff. They become food sort of influencers effectively. But if we ever became food influencers, we'd very much give the catty roll company five stars

and also melt in a block of cheese in a cup and having a dip. Yeah, that's, I mean you in many ways mate if salt bay was putting the um a block of sainsbury's basics cheddar into a mug separating the rennet off putting it under the grill and then eating it in one foul swoop for a delicious nutritious delicious tasty meal um you know people will be raving about it. You know what I mean? It'll be 50 quid. You could have done that.

There's a toasty, I walked past it on the way in today. There's a cheese toasty restaurant in London now. You can do whatever you want. I'll get a white shirt, order me on. Join me in a cereal cafe, guys. You have got a similar, because you look like everyone, you've got a similar profile of a look of a Salt Bae, I think. Oh, yeah.

I mean, with this tan, just put some circular sunglasses on me. I think I look like a lovely Salt Bae boy. And then, wow. That's what he always does. Wow. He always does that. Pete, it is, as you've already said, the Luke and Pete show. We didn't plan to talk about Salt Bae.

No. But we have. How has your holiday been? I saw a very exciting video of you on Instagram just yesterday paragliding off the back of a speedboat. What a come down to earth. That will be now speaking to me from your shed. How was the holiday?

How was the paragliding? What were the highlights? What did you get up to? Were you, for example, bitten by a stray dog? Did you accidentally walk into a volcano? holiday how was the paragliding what were the highlights what did you get up to were you for example bitten by a stray dog did you accidentally walk into a volcano what's happened yeah no didn't really sort of encounter the volcano that was on the other island so to speak your princess in another island uh that was no i couldn't see a thing to think there was no ash in the air really i think even their airport i, has been open intermittently.

I think the only problem is that the ash is kind of like raining down onto the surface of the runways and stuff. So they've just been clearing that off. So, yeah, I think, yeah, I was able to get in and get out okay. But, yeah, the parasailing, it was actually a few days ago, but the man took a little while to send the pictures and videos via Dropbox or WeTransfer. But my God, have you ever done parasailing before?

No. I thought it was paragliding. What's the difference? I think it's called paragliding, parasending. I think parasending is the most popular or certainly more accurate rendition of that particular term. But it's so fucking chill,ke it's it's not even it's not even like three it's it's not even thrilling it's just like it's just really

relaxing i was expecting it to because i've been to like cyan park water park a few days earlier that was fucking great i i went on so many water flumes and stuff that I sat down for five minutes and had to go home because I'd had too much fun. I think my inner ear had been absolutely smashed to bits. And I was just like, I need to go home. I'm feeling very unwell. So we both went home. We sat by the child's, what do you call it,

the things where they make the wave machine. We just sat next to the child's wave machine. I was like, I need to go home. This is too much. And went to bed quite early. But yeah, it was really nice. But parasailing was just so not thrilling. It was just zen as hell.

It was so calm. It was so lovely. So yeah, if you ever get the chance to do that, it's not scary. It's not, oh my God, seat you ever get the chance to do that, it's not scary. It's not, oh my God, seat in my pants, heart in my mouth kind of bollocks. It's just fucking chill and relaxing and brilliant. Love that.

So I think if that's what extreme sports are, if that's what like, you know, parachuting is, maybe I'll get involved in a bit of that. Well, I think you need to be a bit more respectful to 12-year-old Eric Kirby, who landed on an island full of dinosaurs when he was doing that once. Right, did he go off course?

What happened in Jurassic Park 3? Yeah, I think so. I think he snapped. He snagged the rope. Yeah. It's my only reference point to that kind of activity. But it looked great. I mean, you're having a lovely old time.

There's few things I enjoy more than seeing you having an amazing time because you've got a little face with a little smile on it with your little beard. And it just looks great. I'd love to see you having a good time. Did you miss your dogs? I did miss my dogs. And to be honest, getting home, it was like,

oh, it's really good to be home. Lola's in the car. It's like frigging brilliant. Yeah, looking forward, getting home, it was like, oh, it's really good to be home. Lola's in the car. It's like, frigging brilliant. Yeah, looking forward to get home. Get home. Some electricity has tripped the fuses and the fridge has gone off. Two weeks of just a big, stinking hot box freezer. Everything.

Everything perished. And you know me, Luke, I'm a shortcut taker, and I will buy a bag of pre-chopped onions to stick in the freezer. I will. It will come back to that liquefying in the bottom of the freezer tray. So it's pretty fucking disgusting coming back to that. That's what salt pie uses. That's what salt pie uses to make his delicious tomahawk sticks the

problem is you get home and you're like right i'll put that i'll put that in a big bin bag the entire contents of my fridge and my freezer and uh and and and i'm like it's not in a bag and i was like well i can't keep outside because the foxes i'll get it because you know what foxes love just fucking anything and so i had to keep, I had to keep the bag in my office overnight. So now my office stinks of fucking congealed, liquefied, putrefied onions and meat and prawns. And oh, it is rankling. Listen, you have my sympathy.

It's not great. Remember when I came back from my holiday and the boiler had gone? I get your pain. I do feel like you're making some poor decisions there though. What, the liquefied onions though don't put them in your in your office i mean it's i mean that's not even they don't even include that kind of advice in when you're building your own office because they accept that you're probably that's just red yeah yeah don't just do your rubbish in here it's very few places where you can actually keep stuff that'll that'll you know

keep away from the foxes i asked on the way out of of to tenerife um i asked my neighbor the the bins are collected on wednesday very dull but i asked my neighbor said mate we're leaving tuesday uh evening can you um take the uh can you drag the bins from on top of my scooter, which I thought was going to be fox proof. I put all the bin bags on top, pile them on top of my scooter that sits next to the house. Can you take them to the, to the side of the road? So if they can be picked up and he said, yeah, no worries, mate.

No worries. Like proper slot of the earth, but love him. And then he texted me like the day after going, Pete, the one thing you need to know about kebab meat is it's like crack to foxes. And yeah, it was just all over the place. I thought you avoided your neighbours at all costs. No, I like these ones. They're good.

They do stuff for me and with me. My technique for, I mean, I'm going to go into this, and I think this is exactly the kind of material that Luke and Pete's show listeners are after occasionally you'll get say i don't know a tupperware at the back of the fridge that's you know it's had some pasta in it or something and it's gone off because you've forgotten about it or it's not quite right so what i find interesting is the height profile difference between the wife i have access to and myself is that if she'll pop a tupperware at the back of the bottom shelf i can't actually see it right so she won't put anything on the top shelf

because she can't reach it so we have a little bit of a disconnect so anyway look that's that's how it goes you get the tupperware out you open up the lid it's awful now i've got a policy here and i think everyone listening and including yourself pete should probably adopt this policy i won't just put it in the bin. Now, our bin is a very good level bin. It's a Brabantia, right? It's the top level you can get. You're simply human.

Your Brabantia, they're top makes for bins, right? It's got a lid that opens and closes with a little push button. So it's great. It's a great bin. But what experience has taught me is if you just put that rotting food straight into the bin every time you then open the lid of the bin going forward until you empty the bin and there's only two of us living in the house so it doesn't get emptied out and it stinks so i actually opt for a what i would call a belt and braces approach i pop that food in my cat's food bowl no I put it in a plastic bag

which I've got spare specifically for that purpose wrap it up tie it in a knot and then put that in the bin it's like a double layer system yeah that's fair I would yeah I would accept that

but do you not yeah it depends on what day the bins are going to be collected if they're going to be collected today or tomorrow I don't mind having a stinky bin for five minutes but you're right

you need to protect yourself. What's your policy on absolute rot, green mould in Tupperware? Do you throw the Tupperware away, or do you wash it with boiling water and bleach and all kinds of nastiness? Yeah, there would be a threshold that in our system, in our house, we don't reach. I'll look at the fridge most Sundays. So it won't get that to that stage i also think that um the issue really the foxes for us isn't that

bad because we have the tall bins with quite a heavy lid and the fox just can't get to them so it's actually safe once it's in that bin if it's green for recycling they're not interested in recycling anyway if it's in the brown bin or the sort of grayish bin the foxes can't get to it it's too high it's about four feet high it's got a heavy lid they're not getting in it and i and i would spare a certain amount of um of praise and um congratulations to lambeth council for that because on that kind of stuff they are very good because there's foxes everywhere in our area so yeah it's it's a minefield these days. I had a text from my neighbour just yesterday about foxes in the back garden.

I was like, ah, been there, done that, good luck. Because you cannot get rid of them. You cannot get rid of them. They're a very successful species, a species to be admired for how adaptable they've been. As we learnt from Darwin, you know, it's not the fastest or the strongest species, it's the ones that are most adaptable they've been as we learnt from Darwin. You know it's not the fastest or the strongest species, it's the ones that are most adaptable that flourish and foxes are

very much a part of that. The urban fox is a modern phenomenon but it doesn't give us peace at night when they're always fucking, does it? Yeah, I mean it's very much like people from Portsmouth and Hartlepool really, isn't it? Constantly fucking, very adaptable. Find them everywhere.

They'll eat anything. All right, Pete. We've got through. I'm really pleased I've stayed up fairly late last night trying to put some stuff in the running order because we have looked at none of it. Let's go to a break. When we come back, we'll tidy up a little bit of admin

and then we'll do some emails. How about that? All right, then. We're back from the Look and Pete Shaw sponsored advert break. You may think that adverts sponsoring the Luke and Pete Shaw are very much a one-way street. No, we sponsor the adverts during the ad breaks. Basically, whatever product you just heard was sponsored

by the Luke and Pete Shaw in reverse. It's very much a reach-around. It's a commercial a reach around. It's a commercial reach around for our partners. Is that how it works? I don't get involved. I'm not good enough for the voiceovers. I don't get a look at it.

You know, I said before the break, I was going to do some admin. Yeah, what's your admin? Just a tiny bit of admin. I have to say that a lot of people have got in touch saying to let you know, Peter, the book you couldn't remember a week or two ago was Prisoners of Geography. Yes, that's the one. Yeah.

Thanks to everyone who got in touch about that. I'm not going to read all your names out because it would be a long list of just names. But Ben Rozier was the first one I saw. So I've picked him out at random. But you're all equally as lovely and informative so thank you very much for that the email section is normally what follows now traditionally

hello at lukeandpeach.com is the destination and we are at Luke and Peach Show on Twitter and Insta we don't really tweet or Instagram that much I think we've just got a lot to do and it's very difficult to stay on top of these types of things, so we don't really get involved that often.

But nevertheless, I do read the tweets, I just don't tweet as much on behalf of the Luke and Pete show. So if you tweet, it will still be read. If you want to see little video clips from the show, you look here, you see them on the Stack account. Oh yeah. So check us out on the Instagram. At StackPod.

Indeed. Indeed. Do you want to do an email first peter i'll do an email first ray dixon ray dixon rd we'll leave you rd uh the author of the wikipedia philosophy email remember my name this time winky face okay i don't appreciate that no it's a bit of passive aggressive isn't it pass that get it best here mate we're doing our best mate we can't even have title go on the instagram what's wrong with you um we've got a walkie talkie A bit of a passive-aggressive, isn't it? A bit of a pass-ag, isn't it? We're doing our best here, mate. We're doing our best, mate. We don't even have time to go on Instagram. What's wrong with you? We've got a walkie-talkie update from HeyLNP.

Straight to it regarding walkie-talkie CB radios. The person on the walkie-talkie is probably not replying because whilst they have a transmitter powerful enough to reach you, your walkie-talkie is not powerful enough to reach them. That makes sense, Luke, doesn't it? Because it's kind of ranged warfare, really, isn't it? They've got a Scud missile, I've got fuck all. I mean, it does make sense now it's explained to me, but in 2021 it does beg the question,

then what is the fucking point of that? I presume it's other people were big cb radio boxes i presume they're not talking to the people who bought a uh e-cynic uh 25 walkie talkie from amazon for 20 quid yeah but i think i think and ray as ray goes on to say if you don't mind me kind of butting in he says i assume pete you've got mobile data, or at least Wi-Fi in your cabin. It's a shed. Why not use the mobile phone or just message the partner you have access to rather than the walkie-talkie?

And he cynically suggested that you're only doing it to gather stories for this podcast, which we know would never be the case, because that's not how your mind works at all. But what's the explanation why you need a walkie-talkie from the shed to the house when presumably you've got a perfectly serviceable mobile phone? Well, Rick Dixon is pointing out that it's like I'm just trying to be Jack 24 Bower

from TV show 24. Well, you were a big player and a big mover on the forums, weren't you, back in the day? Outrageous. I just thought it would be an easy way to chat with each other because you don't always have your mobile phone on you. I, as a recordist, as a studio denizen, a man who's just constantly in the bloody studio,

you can't have your mobile phone on, ever. True. So it's never on loud. So, yeah, I've actually got... Why don't we bash out some messages to anybody

who might be listening? Power on. Yeah. Eight, six, seven, eight. What do you want me to say to the estuary? I don't know what the protocol is. Do you have to start with a certain message?

Breaker, breaker! I've just seen a runaway goose on the estuary. Over! There you go. What, keep it on, and it might burst into life. Keep it on, see if anybody else... Yeah. Pete, can you actually keep that on,

so if we hear anything, we're actually going to hear it? Yeah, OK, cool. OK, great, good stuff. going to hear it? Yeah, okay, cool. Okay, great. Good stuff. Can anyone hear me? Help! Ignore that. Not help.

I'm fine. I think that's irresponsible. I don't think you should be doing that. That is irresponsible. Goose on the estuary is up to the limit you should be able to be talking because I think people are going to get concerned otherwise, mate. I don't think that's fair. All right, cool.

Fine. Any minute, the partner you have access to is going to come running into the shed looking for a goose um right let's do another email from alec this is a great email uh he says hi guys on monday show you talked about things that were banned at school mainly pogs stickers and drugs um the holy trinity um well we had an unusual one at my primary school where check this out pete specifically walker's crisps were banned oh which would have been fine for me because my mum always used to buy us the supermarket version so yes no problem um alex says this was because uh one break time a kid found one of those little blue packets that contained a prize. Do you remember those things, Pete?

Yes, I do. It was like, because it was back in the day. I mean, I don't know for whatever reason, but nowadays you sort of, you almost think that stuff in your food, it's not what people want. They don't want to be going, oh, there's stuff in my food. You will accept a silica gel packet in a packet of jerky, but I think nothing else these days. It's just not a thing that happens.

And you used to be able to get crisps that had no seasoning, no flavouring at all, and you could add your own through the included little salt packet you used to get. Salt and shake, baby. Salt and shake, yeah. Easy cover them in salt, shake them up. So salt and shake were famously Smith's crisps, right? But this little sachet of salt was exactly the same sachet,

in my memory, as walkers used for their competitions. And what they would do for people who were too young or too non-UK to remember this, I'm sure it happened in other territories that walkers sold crisps in, they used to put a little bit of money in there, like a fiver or fold it up or a tenner or something. But anyway,

Alex's friend at his school won the big prize. Apparently, one of the little blue packets in their school that a kid opened contained a check for something ridiculous, like 50,000 pounds. And then in parentheses, he says,

I may have exaggerated this over the years, but it was definitely a decent amount and not just a fiver. Anyway, another kid claimed it was theirs, Pete, and chaos ensued. But there's not, I mean, the powers that be, the faculty at the school couldn't think of a way to resolve it other than the banning of Walker's crisps wholesale. Many believe that swapsies of crisps may have been to blame. Now, I can remember swapsies of crisps happening.

You get stuck with the cheese and onion, and your mate offers you a salt and vinegar, you're taking it. You're taking it all day long. So anyway, Alec finishes by saying, yeah, so they banned Walker's crisps, but on a slight tangent, one of the kids involved in the crisp incident

was at Panto a few years later and jumped up to grab a goodie bag that had been thrown into the audience by Timmy Mallet, and said goodie bag smacked him full in the face, giving him two black eyes, because the bag contained a mug. Why Timmy Mallet was launching this into the audience is absolutely baffling.

I thought you might enjoy these memories. Cheers, Alec. Now, you do not throw something into the audience if it's got a mug in it. That's going to just smash the mug. Best case scenario, you've got a smash mug. Worst case, you've got brain damage. You've got brain damage.

I remember, I think I spoke about it before, I went to, it wasn't even Panto, it was just like a little one-man road show that Philip Schofield, Pip Schofield was doing in the 80s with Gordon the Gopher. And he rocked up to Hartlepool Town Hall and my dad took me to it and he was throwing out goodie bags,

left, right and centre, T-shirts, stickers, rulers, stuff like that. And this big lady, who was probably in her 30s at the time, it got thrown at my feet and I went to pick it up as literally like a five-year-old six-year-old kid this big lady's bawled me over grabbed the bag and run off with it

terrible terrible behavior is that how you met your stepmom but what time was philips gofield there i mean if you're for your dad to be there philips gofield must have been there about three in the morning would you be oh yeah it was like a it was like a like a night's road show it was a student union we're all getting pissed it's brilliant do you reckon um i mean obviously we can't get into what happened some of the bbc employees at these road shows but they don't do those do they do those things anymore or is it just much more hip and cool now it's like big weekenders and stuff these days isn't it i think i think those kind of like personal appearances at uh

student unions and stuff like you or little road shows i mean you have to have something going on a lot of the stars nowadays because they're just memesters or tiktokers it's kind of hard to it's hard to extract it's hard enough to extrapolate a football ramble live show to an hour and a half imagine like just not doing any long form stuff at all and just being the person who wears a nice dress or does a little dance it's difficult to sort of extract that well whereas we i just always assumed that whereas we had like pat sharp or fucking jerry springer or whatever they just now have love island people, no? Yeah, exactly. So they just come off, they do a little wave, presumably.

Only wears ethics people. Throw some T-shirts out. Yeah, exactly. So there's very little... I mean, what do you do with someone like that? How do you create a show out of that? You can't have an hour and a half. Pip Schofield could pull that out of his behind in 10 minutes.

But, you know, it's difficult and interesting. But I imagine he made absolute lucre, filthy lucre, doing these length and breadth of the country, thousands of pounds every night. Fantastic. Good on him. What would you do if you got an email

and it was from De Montfort University, your alma mater, and they said, we want you to come to Mumbo Jumbo's student union night on this Wednesday night. And it's going to be, you know, we want you to appear. And all you've got to do is throw a couple of T-shirts out

and wave. And you're going to be introducing everything and you're up on stage. It's only going to take you half an hour. How much would you charge? I would charge over a thousand pounds but i would insist on just get me some more food from my fridge please um just pay me in onions and uh i would insist on doing more than they need you know any corporate gig i'm helping them carry cameras and lights and

stuff like that. I always feel very guilty of that sort of income. But, yeah, I'd insist on doing like a Manumission-style sex show or something. I don't know, something like... That's just wanking, mate, if you're on your own. That's basically just having a wank on stage. You can't do that.

Some alumni just turn up and just fucking jerked off for five minutes and then waved goodbye. Waved goodbye with a semen-covered hand. Very strange. And the billboard poster's still there. In my line of work, image is everything. Image, presentation is everything. Yeah, terrible.

Oh, my God. You can't do that. Pete, I don't think you ever could do that. No. I don't think you could. Look, John Barrowman's got in trouble this week. So John Barrowman is in a bit of bother. I think he's been given another TV show,

but he's been thrown off whatever dancing show he was on because in the past he liked getting his willy out in front of people who didn't want to see his willy. And I saw his anus before. And I saw his anus before. He did that while we were doing an interview with Dr. O. And he was in the next studio and he pulled his pants down and showed everyone his anus and the back of his testicles. So I've been at the hard face of the smooth skin.

So to speak. You're the victim here. You are very much the victim here. On that bombshell. An incredible anus well done well done we are gonna have to make an unforeseen unplanned trip to the lawyers to see how much of that can stay in and um it happened it happened and he's got a track record luke i think we'll be fine mate i i i had a lot of people have told me a lot of things about a certain person before a lot of stuff came out and yeah i i did like a proper dad because i read it in the paper i did like a proper dad just a little nod to myself oh yeah and then uh moved on with my

life because it was not in any way a surprise but yeah do you want before we go do you want to just give people the dates that you're at De Montfort? November 5th, 6th and 7th. It's a three-day residency. It's not special. You can just stick a firework at your arse. Like that guy at the England game. And we'll get out of here. We're back on Thursday.

We've got loads of stuff to get through because you've been away. We'll get through more of it on Thursday. We'll do some of your battery brands as well. I've been to see a couple of films. I'll talk about that on Thursday as as well um so yeah plenty to look forward to thank you very much for listening on this lovely fine monday the very start of what is now autumn um stay warm stay dry uh and have a great week and we'll see you later take care pete okay i will just take care take care. I don't like the way that you really looked worried when you said that as well.

Take care. I just thought, take care, Pete. That's the most important thing. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.