The Luke and Pete Show - Splitting the bulbospongiosus muscle

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

Warning! This episode contains more penis chat. We are sorry but ALOT of you did ask for it. If that’s too much then don’t worry, we bring the tone back by once again discussing the long egg. We also hear about Pete’s dog visiting the office and have a very special edition of the battery section.Want to share a story with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. It's the Luke of Patriots, Thursday the 29th of September, and it's always at this It's Thursday the 29th of September and it's always at this point, Thursday the 29th of September, that I type Thursday the 29th of September into Google and find out, you know, what's been happening over the years on this.

It's World Heart Day. It's World, sorry, National Attend Your Grandchild's Birthday. What? In the USA. That's a big one, isn't it? That's confusing. National Attend Your Grandchild's birthday? What? In the USA? That's a big one, isn't it? That's confusing. National attend your grandchild's birthday.

It literally doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't. That's just going... To the point where I think you've misread it. Literally, that's what it says. I don't think that...

No. The national attend your grandchild's birthday day is meant to... is observed to encourage grandparents to engage in their grandchild's birth. What? A cherry tree can be planted to bring in... I mean, that's just nonsense, but I'd like to know more about it and how it started, to be quite frank.

I've got no idea where I am. International Day of Awareness on Food Loss and Waste Reduction. Oh, lordy. That is incredible to hear. Peter, first of all, first of all, how are you? I'm good.

I'm good. Whenever you ask me how I am, at the top of the Luke and Pete show running order, sometimes we look at it. There's a picture that I think ex-producer Natalie drew of me and you, and I look into my eyes, and my eyes have such hope in them, in cartoon form,

because you go, everything all right, Pete? And I look into his little face and I go, yeah, it's fine. What I particularly like about that little cartoon drawing of you is that it's got the old glasses you used to wear on which I really liked

and it makes me a bit nostalgic I think the current glasses you wear are a little bit non-descript when compared to the older ones. Left them in a taxi didn't I? Well I did actually get direct replacements but then I lost them on a jet ski didn't I? Two reasons why I don't have glasses anymore is taxi, jet ski.

That particular angle of conversation delivered the fruit I was hoping for. So, great. Little crab floating around in Malaga with a, no, what's the, Dorset? I don't know. Little crab in Dorset with my glasses on. Malaga or Dorset? What are you talking about? The reason I look at the running order is because if I take my mind off this show for more than three seconds to look at it,

I'll come back and I'll have no idea what you're talking about. It's like one of those magic eye pictures. If you sort of just unboss your eyes a little bit, it's like, whoa. I've lost it. I've lost the rabbit. Which you can't do because um you haven't got any glasses um peter now i'm gonna kind of give our give our um a listener's fair warning here um which we didn't do on monday when we talked quite a lot of about

penises as chess pieces um right which you know in retrospect we apologize for but people kind of know what they're going to get when they listen to our show. So it's not normally Luke and Pete's show policy to do two penis-themed episodes in a row because of the lessons we learned when we did 15 minutes about dog shit a couple of years ago. That was a great divider, opening an episode of, yeah, let's just face it,

quite a popular podcast with 15-minute chat about dog shits. Yeah. But anyway, I think I would really love to bring this story to your attention about a teenage boy who had to have doctors surgically remove a USB cable from his penis. surgically remove a USB cable from his penis. Now,

if you look at the x-rays, it's not... First of all, I'm not surprised that the kid's 15 years old. Perfect age for that kind of behaviour. The x-rays are difficult to look at, but I'll just read you the first para of the story

in the Daily Record. So, you know, it's a paper know in the daily record so you know it's a paper of reasonable i mean look it's a paper of some merit it's not the daily star or that mad um daily sport one uh and it goes as follows a teenage boy was rushed to surgery after getting a usb cable stuck inside his penis the 15 year old from the uk had been trying to measure the inside of his penis with the cable as a form of sexual experimentation when it became entangled and he was unable to remove it when the cable became more knotted the boy started passing blood you don't hear the rest of it but um a little detail that you might enjoy is that he was taken to the hospital by his mother so um i imagine she was very disappointed at the time um i have a few questions and i'm sure you do too yeah a usb cable is not a measuring device

first and foremost and measures data i suppose but also it's also quite wide at the ends so looking at this uh that's why i brought it to you because you're gonna be the expert it's kind of like you know just scanning the story uh which to be honest i hadn't spotted on so this is excellent news for me uh so i'm seeing this for the first time so so the two distal ports of the usb wire were found to be protruding from the external urethral metus, while the middle part of the knotted wire remained within the urethra. So he basically just fed the cable through. You know, like when you're trying to wire a HDMI cable through a cavity wall.

It's a little bit like that, really. Oh, so you bend it and slide it in? Yeah. The thing about this Daily Record story, it was the guy even in Scotland. Anyway, it was basically... Why does that happen? It happened back in November 2021. Is that a Brexit thing?

I think it's... Oh, so it was originally reported in the Mirror. Okay. So the urology case that we are hearing about now of a kid putting a fucking USB cable down his cock,

this all came, and I don't know how they spotted it, but they spotted it from a science direct report. So basically a professional doctor's kind of fucking circle. So it's responsibly sourced. Massively responsibly sourced. So all of the direct quotes from the doctors are really complex. You know what I mean? So it's like, so the knotting wire remained in the urethra.

The procedure included, and they just included this in the Daily Record article, like we know what any of this is. I mean, you can kind of figure it out, but a longitudinal penoscrotal incision over the palpable foreign body was made and careful dissection was undertaken through deeper tissue, splitting the bulbospongiosis muscle. Both ends of the... I mean, like, why is the Daily Record writing this?

He put a USB cable down his cock. Don't worry about it. Listen, if Rory doesn't name this episode something to do with the bulbospongiosis, I'm going to be fucking annoyed. And I think you're absolutely spot on to point that out. I would just add also, there are going to be people listening to this who are probably on their commute into work and thinking do you know what i don't need to hear this well you're in the minority because we've

got a lot of people on the on the pendolino get something down your cock come on come on just pop just that little suck that little that little stirrer you got with your coffee get it down your cock oh you're making it worse i'm trying to make it better nature um we had a lot of all i'm saying is the reason we're covering it is because there is a threshold that's reached that people get in touch with us about stories and we think we have to mention these because it's a great cross-section and we've got a lot about this so okay people obviously want it from us so who are we to deny them it is the thing so what I like about it is he's kind of like, he's fed

the USB cable down his penis and it's all kind of bunched up but it looks like he's kind of woven like a little you know those little hats you get on you know those little hats you get on the bottles of smoothie at Christmas? It looks like he's made one of them inside his

scrotal sack or inside his bladder i've also got a comment here from another quote from uh from the story from uh from someone who says um see i told you he was fucking cheating and that's from uh magnus carlson the annoying thing is i think it might be... It's not a USB 3. So, like, it's... You've got... Is it a USB-C? I don't think it is. I'm trying to see what the end is.

It's a USB-A to USB-C. I think that's how you would describe that. Is it USB-C? I think it might be one of those old-school ones, but even older than the ones that you realise. So he's basically taken a very old USB cable. It's not a new one, is it? He doesn't know he's going to see it again.

Well, to be honest, I mean, as long as the two ends are out of your penis, you can still use it. It might get warm. I mean, that's problematic. It might aid the removal if it gets warm. You can't do anything while you're charging something. Little willy warmer.

Can't walk off. Just get, like, have a little battery. Well, that's perfect. Look, you're always looking for a little battery charger. Stick a little battery on the end and stick your iPhone on the other end. I mean, listen, I know as we discussed on Monday, you can't say anything these days, but I do feel confident in saying that he shouldn't be doing that.

He shouldn't be doing that. No, no. It's, it's, it's... I do feel confident in saying that he shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be doing that, no, no. The boy waited for his mum to leave the room with doctors before confessing to hospital staff that he had deliberately inserted the cable rather than use a ruler. What the fuck? I don't care why you did it.

I don't care why. We've got to sort it out now, you big idiot. You should have come in here. The doctor now you big idiot you should have come in here the doctor would have said we should have come in here we'd have measured it for you and the doctors wrote the doctors wrote in the report the patient was an otherwise fit and healthy adolescent with no history of mental health disorders he's just a kid he's putting something down his cock let him get on with it the doctor the doctor is um the doctor's thinking to himself i'm gonna have to do a report on this because this doesn't happen very often and this is really important for the vital progression

of medical science, probably here and worldwide. But he's going to need consent probably from the patient for that. He will, yeah, I suppose so. But also he's thinking, I'll just type up my notes on my phone now. Oh, I've run out of battery. Stephen! Stephen!

Before you go, mate. Before you go. I'll charge you over. Before we take it out. Before we take it out. My phone is a Samsung. Don't worry. Help a brother out.

Will, don't worry. We'll completely anonymise you. And it's like that Partridge thing. Domingo in Little Oakley. We'll just use your first name uh anyway i'm not sure where we go from there um but we've had a lot of people in touch with us about um tell you what's come up again pete something that's really kind of excited the luke and pete show community yeah um it's come back round again after many many years and many

many episodes ago um the long egg the long egg is back the long egg is back round again after many, many years and many, many episodes ago. The long egg. The long egg is back. The long egg is back. There's so many. I see the long egg so much more than I used to back in the day. Because the long egg was the first. Oh, I don't like that. I've just seen the picture that was linked.

It's on the fucked up looking foods account. Yeah, which, by the way, I thought the fucked up looking food was a british account right it's only been there for a wee for a little while based on all the photos i think it's british right yeah now they posted the long egg photo at 3 17 a.m who's the who's the weirdo who's the weirdo here some people just want to make a long egg but what i like about the um what i like about the long egg that has its comeback round again now and if people who are listening aren't aware of this is something we did way back so you'd have to go way back and listen there was a youtube chef called keith cooks that pete took the piss out of keith heard about it and got really offended and then pete got upset on his behalf that's it that's

a real shame to to be honest. But he was labouring over how to make a long egg with cling film and all sorts going on. What someone's done in this photo is they've just used one of those ring, like, bain-marie kind of moulds, and it looks like it's come out a treat. So I don't know why Keith Cooks didn't do it. I mean, probably because he's not a very good cook,

but what he should have done is used that all along, and it wouldn't have been a big saga, because Keith Cooks was going through all sorts of problems trying to make one yeah he's um what i like about keith cooks is uh he's got a full fully blown website now and uh he's uh he's he's bought he's invested in an air fryer uh and you know my feelings on air fryers you love an air fryer he's loving it yeah he's still using yours he's got uh yeah oh massively i use it every bloody day of my life. What did you cook on it yesterday?

I did before yesterday a bit of salmon. A bit of salmon, Luke. Right. He's got quite a few views, to be fair, now. He's doing live shows. He's getting, like, you know, on average, about 2,000 views per recipe. Indian Scotch egg.

He's working hard on the egg capacity of his channel. So, yeah, good on him. To be fair, he's still doing it. He's got 88,000 subscribers. Yeah. He's got more subscribers than Luke and Pete show. So that's come back to haunt us. He's got his lovely partner.

He's really sort of jazzed up as well. His beard is tidier than ever. He looks a bit like Colonel Sanders. Yeah, okay, good. I'm back in. We need to revisit Keith Cooks. He's been cheeky with a bit of dancing, I think. Swinging London, hashtag shots. Mate, we need to I think. It's a swinging London. Hashtag shots.

It's, oh, mate. We need to revisit Keith. We need to revisit Keith. I think he should stay in his lane though. He shouldn't be doing dancing videos. He should be on TikTok before we know it. And can I also ask you one final question that I wanted to catch up with you on?

And that is, I believe you took one of your dogs into the office yesterday yes I did and I saw a lovely picture, was it Buckley he was in? it was Buckley yeah the older gent I saw a picture of him on the chair with a little stack pillow it looked very great, what's the

story there? he was, I had to bring him in because I was taking him to a photo shoot Sarah was having with a dog photographer for some charity calendar, I think. You mean someone who takes photographs of dogs, not a dog photographer? Well, that's how it was sold to me

and I was very disappointed. Yeah, that would be a letdown for sure. But yeah, I had to bring him in because he's not good with trains basically so you've got to drive the little chap in what's his beef? is it because he's old? I don't know

no he's never liked them really he sort of put up with them when he was younger but you don't want to put an older dog through stress do you you know little arts and stuff he's 15 but yeah he was in for that did a little sketch with the Sports Horn guys.

Oh, yeah, listen to Sports Horn. That's out this week. People should absolutely listen to Sports Horn. Tell us a bit more about it. It's basically a talk sport piss take. If you know what talk sport is, if you frequently find it objectionable, you're going to like Sports Horn.

And even if you don't like sport, to be honest, it's a right old giggle. It's the lads who do Colin from Portsmouth on Twitter it's the Exploding Heads right? comedy duo called the Exploding Heads really nice lads Buckley even makes an appearance in next week's promotional stuff because the title of the show is called

Who Let Their Dogs Out where one of the Exploding He heads gets bombed by a dog. Oh, good. It's really highbrow stuff, but if you like Luca Pizzor, if you like people jamming USB cables down their wangers, you're probably going to like Sports Horns. Have a listen.

I think that is simultaneously the best and worst plug I've ever heard well second best plug on this show because we had the man who little lad who put it down his cock

didn't we but listen back to Buckley so what did he do he just sat around in the chair while you were doing your work did he

he's very well behaved these days unless it's dinner time he's a very chill dog he doesn't really do anything anymore so he just sits around and watches the world go by. Unless squirrels are there.

He really, really runs at squirrels. Can he still run fast? Well, that's what I mean. He doesn't ever run fast. He finds it problematic to walk down the stairs most days. But when he sees a squirrel, he just turns into a puppy again. And he's just like, I don't care what this does to my body it's great to see

I'm just going to run it sounds like it should be some kind of motivational Instagram video certainly be a puppy again be a puppy again do you know what I don't like about it

chase a fucking squirrel so basically I've kind of gone off a lot of social media in recent years because I'm an old man now but obviously it's my birthday on Tuesday wasn wasn't it peter oh happy birthday lukey thank you very much time

yeah it's all right not much happened 42 yeah 21 again literally yeah that's good that's good you can use that use it it was john who told me that and it upset me a bit but then i realized it was actually a fairly good line so i've used it for myself um and i didn't really do much to be honest but yeah it was fine and um instagram has annoyed me because now it is basically full of things like oh this is what i would have been doing if i'd known when i was 22 and it's like saving all my money and settling down and marrying a woman who lifts me up. I was like, when you were fucking 22?

Have you lost the fucking point of life? The reason you're not 22 is because you were fucking 22. So don't tell other people. And you wouldn't have wanted that. You were a different person at 22. This is how this all works, right? You want to sniff poppers around your mate's house. Exactly. You want to be sniffing around your mate's house. Exactly.

You want to be sniffing glue around the back of the fucking petrol station. Yeah. The point is this, and people have missed this point. When you're 42, you can advise people at 22 about life, probably, because you've got a bit more experience. But don't tell them to do 42-year-old things when they're 22, because when they get to 42, their life will be a fucking mess. because they won't have had any fun they'll have a breakdown yeah they'll leave their wife buy a ferrari and lose their goddamn minds i mean like settle down with a woman who really

lifts you up and marry her when you're 22 right no woman right worth her salt is going to look at you when you're 22 because you're 22 that's how the world is right so you've got no money you've you've probably still got a little bit of pubic acne uh got a wispy mustache it's pubic used in the word of puberty it's not is it i wouldn't say pubic pubescent pubescent acne uh pubic acne you know presumably a different different oh yeah good luck finding a strong, successful woman that's going to lift you up, that is attracted to wispy moustaches and fucking acne-ridden 22-year-old man-children

whose only word they use is banter and spends all their time drinking cheap pints in her weather spoons and watching football. Who just wants to watch anime all day? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But I would say that 41-year-old men aren't the ones to be given advice because, like you say, for the blokes who have lived

like that buttoned-down fucking life for 20 years or for 15 years, like, you go on a stag do and you and you're like in your 20s or early 30s, and a dad of two turns up and he's 45. He's the one who's going fucking mad. He's the one on a stag do is going to get himself into a bit of bother, isn't it? He's the one driving to Philadelphia on his own. He's the one going to Atlantic City just because boardwalk empire was set there it's not really much of a vibe anymore yeah no you're absolutely right and i think also

also you know even if you were to be so sensible that you buttoned down your life at 22 and saved all your money all the rest of it there's still a very small chance you're going to be a very successful tech billionaire. It's still, you probably are increasing your chances of being a billionaire a bit, but only a bit. A bit, but it's still hard. Given there's probably,

there's probably you're going from 0.0001% to 0.001% of being a billionaire, it's not worth it for 20 years of your life? You might as well just enjoy yourself. And there's all these things like, if your network isn't discussing crypto investments at 25, you're in the wrong network. It's like, no, you're not.

It's fine. Boring network. The people who are making these memes, are they memes? I don't know. I guess so, yeah. People who are making these the people who are making these memes they memes i don't know people yeah they're making this content memes are um are probably if not definitely very unsuccessful themselves very because they've got time to do this shit yeah exactly and and um yeah and also like most of the stuff that's involved in people who are ostensibly kind of successful is,

is it's all bullshit anyway. I mean, like that Dan Vazarian, Bill Vazarian guy, like, I mean, really wealthy parents born into money, pays loads of money to hire models,

to be in photos with him. And that's it, you know, it's not, it's not real life. I mean, even like, you know, your musk says. You know, it's not real life. I mean, even like, you know, your Musk says,

you know, he came from a fair water cache himself. And, you know, but Elon Musk has actually done stuff. I'm not saying I like him. No, no, no, that's what I mean. Exactly. So he was still, like, he still came at the right, came around at the right time, had enough developmental skill, you know, dev skills to build a very unique proposition, PayPal, like, it's, PayPal's huge, you know, John McAfee,

like, again, like, they were all developers, they could all do stuff, fucking Bill Gates, they were all developers, they all invented the very idea of a lot of stuff that they would fucking think. They didn't sit in fucking boardrooms and talk about fucking crypto. They were actually building something in their fucking garages. Fine. I don't find any of their stories inspirational

because they've all had a fucking massive hand up from fucking, you know, your dad's fucking mine or whatever in South Africa. Like, they've all had their fucking, you know, and at the end of the day, they dad's fucking mine or whatever in South Africa. Like, they've all had their fucking, you know, and at the end of the day, they're all fucking rich white men anyway. So like, they've obviously got advantages.

So I find none of the stories inspirational. But if you're comparing yourself as a fucking idiot on a crypto forum, talking about Elon Musk and all that fucking shit, you're not like them. You're just a dickhead with a couple of grand in your back pocket and you're going to fucking lose it.

I feel seen. The only difference between that and me is I don't go on forums. I would say also, I think Bill Gates is probably slightly different to them because if you listen to Bill Gates' story, I think he might have done a Desert Island Disc, but he's done something where he talks about it. He basically, from the age of about 10, spent every single day in a computer IT thing that was put on by, I think, the community center or something.

And he was in there every day just learning how to program and code. And that's basically what he did. And as you rightly said, the timing thing comes in. But the baffling thing to me about the whole PayPal thing is that Elon Musk isn't even the worst person involved with PayPal. Imagine that. Peter Thiel is much worse than elon musk peter thiel is like a proper like malign presence in the world which one is the better one i know his name but i can't remember what he did but peter thiel was also involved in um paypal very early on but i think there's some kind of dispute and he left but he's definitely that's part of how he made a lot of his money he's a billionaire as well but he's like one of

these proper um like extreme right-wing libertarian but very actively involved and wants and tries to well doesn't try to but basically just does um um act he's a political activist he invests in political causes that he um that he likes but it just so turns out that he's like a super unhelpful kind of like libertarian madman essentially okay right i see he's like proper shadowy money like funding campaigns all that kind of stuff he's worth reading about I mean, don't read too much about it because it's utterly terrifying. So those things, Elon Musk is, all Elon Musk does

is say loads of stupid shit and wants to go to space. I mean, it's relatively benign when compared to him. Anyway, we should have a break. So when we come back,

we've got a battery special. We've got to do some battery stuff. There's a really big story that people, I'm sure will be aware of, but have deemed us worthy of commenting on. So we've got to cover it.

So we'll do it at the other side of the break. All right, then. We're back with Luke Peatchaw. It's Motherfucking Thursday. What's going on, Lukey? Well, this is about the time of the show, or the time of the week that we normally do your battery submissions to see if there are some new players entering the game

that we haven't discovered yet um but it's a very special um edition of that do you want to tell people why peter or do you want me to do it someone has put batteries in their body 55 of them so a doctors in dublin have removed 55 batteries according to reports that a 66 year old woman had swallowed and they've all been removed they've all helpfully been put on some kind of desk and a photo of them has been taken right which i don't think is ethically very responsible but you know that's not our problem what i thought would be good a lot of them if you can imagine in various stages of decomposition i have no idea how she's still alive right um because 55 batteries in a body is probably not a good thing right how harmful is it when a battery leaks you'll know better about that than me

it's bad i mean if you ever open a i mean i don't know better but if you ever open the back of an old bit of tech and the battery's lit, you're just like, oh, your fingers are just dry for days. It's so aggressive, isn't it? Yeah. Well, she had 55 of them in her body. And she's...

I mean, there's no reports to suggest that she hasn't... There's nothing wrong with her or anything like that. She's fine, apparently. Apparently, her distended stomach was hanging above the pubic bone due to the weight of the batteries. So surgeons had to get involved and they weren't expecting that were they they were just not expecting that they were not expecting that that's the bad thing about being

some kind of like medical professional or surgeon like you go into work and obviously you could potentially have a horrific day or you have a really rewarding day uh and i doubt you ever expect anything like this but that probably stuff does happen probably relatively common and and you would probably sort of and you and and they're sort of saying it's a kind of very unusual uh example of self-harm i i don't i'm a man i'm a little bit like a puppy i bite a lot of stuff i'm always munching on pens and stuff i just think it's the visceral feeling of swallowing a battery that would probably be quite satisfying. And there's not a part of me

that doesn't want to swallow a battery right now to find out what it feels like. Just the heaviness and the unyielding, like rattling down your esophagus. Don't do this, anyone listening. You're not going to get credit with the Luke and Pete show.

I promise you now, if you swallow a battery... 56! Let's go for 56, baby! If you swallow a battery and shit it out and take a photo of it, we're not going to cover it. So don't bother. If you want to do it, do it on your own time. Do it on your own time,

for crying out loud. But, I mean, but everyone, like, on this piece is saying it's an eating disorder. I don't think it's an eating disorder. I think it's a digesting disorder. I think it's a very different thing. Like, you've eaten something that your body cannot digest but the thing that gets me is like she did uh so she ate all these batteries and she's feeling rough and then so they they x-rayed her and found it looks like there's a load of shotgun shells in her stomach it does yeah um and

she she released five a batteries in the first week uh through her stool uh subsequent x-ray showed that most were still stuck inside and the woman began experiencing abdominal pain. I mean, no fucking shit. But 46 batteries were removed. She was full of beans, though. It was a mixture of AA or AAA. So, like, I get the feeling that she popped a AAA and went,

I didn't hit the spot. I need the AA. I need the bigger one. Would you triple A and went I didn't hit the spot I need the double A I need the bigger one would you have liked to have seen some more variation in there yeah I mean like

you think the the distance between the the terminals on a 9 volt battery you would imagine it's quite short

yeah so that would probably create more trouble than it's worth because that would complete the circuit on a much smaller scale a little bit of stringy saliva it's tight as curtains just absolutely toasted but um yeah i mean just it's just as described in the report doctors got in and milked them into her rectum and then removed them from her anus like i need to hear that like a like like giving a vending machine a shake in it yeah it is a bit actually and you get two out if you're lucky um

i was just going to say being a kind of surgeon or an emergency doctor or whatever like i kind of like the idea in my job that everything's different and there's different days are different but like they're within some fairly firm set parameters like yes when you're when you're like an emergency doctor you just never know what you're gonna get and that would be so unsettling like it'd be really kind of difficult to deal with and i don't expect that they would have would have thought they would have um encountered this also i just feel like probably one of the most horrible things about being a surgeon or an emergency doctor would be speaking to a family when you've sadly lost a

patient right and so if you sit down with a family when you've sadly lost a patient right and so if you sit down with a family say look you know so and so was you know had an awful car accident whatever um we tried our very best but we couldn't save them you know i'm very very sorry i kind of understand that if you have to sit down with a family and say look i'm afraid your mother or your grandmother whatever she swallowed 55 batteries you know it's just so many questions so many so many questions like is it the number of batteries is it the cumulative weight is it the you know it's so much to think about them yeah you know there is probably some kind of there is probably some kind of psychological element to it but anyway um you reckon we're showing no sympathy for that

by looking through the ones they need to have white label, kind of like they do with cigarettes, make them less attractive to young consumers? Yeah. Just white label batteries. Well, I hope not. That'll be a big part of our show gone. I know, right? Good God.

Yeah, you have to know which brand of batteries you want to buy first if you're going to eat them, and they need to be labeled completely blank. But look, the first glance at all these, all these cells, I cannot see a new player. So I can see quite a lot of Duracells. I can see a few Energizer Max. I can see some Polaroids,

which we've already had. I can see a Procell, which we've already had. And I can see a Panasonic that we've already had. Now, Pete, can you discern any other brands within that collection of 55 that may be a new player? Because I certainly can't. I would love to see a more high-res photo but that's not available by

the look of it no so it's difficult to tell a lot of them sort of like they've all kind of like degraded a little bit haven't they really copy image address let me get the big version of this bad boy yeah get yourself a little high res yeah but you're right polaroid energizer yeah i can't see any to be honest it's testament to the strength of the brand procell did you say procell i did that's already been we've had that before okay yeah so unfortunately like a lot of these batteries are uh i'm very interested in the one on the left hand side they're like sort of blue topped uh yeah same they look they look like they might be um almost like unbranded yeah yeah. And if you look at the top right beta,

there's a couple of yellow and red ones. I think they're both Panasonic as well. Yeah. So three along, four along from the Procell. They're both Panasonics. Yeah. It's a little bit like, have you seen that Key and Peele sketch

where a man has been sworn in as some kind of high court judge or whatever you call them out there in America. And he's having a meeting with the big boss of the fucking lieutenant governor or whatever and for some reason the governor's got a big ball of

marbles on his desk and this high powered new judge while this man's doing this speech about law and order and how liberty is an important thing in life and, you know, she's a cruel mistress and all that stuff, the scales of justice and all that shit, he just keeps on looking at the bowl of marbles

because he really wants to put them in his mouth. And every time he turns around, he just keeps on putting all the marbles in his mouth because he wants to feel what it feels like to have marbles in his mouth. So it's just a little bit of that, isn't it? That speaks to you, doesn't it? Going back into our caveman minds.

What's that like then? When I was a kid, I had a really great game called Kong Man, which is based around King Kong. Is that the one where the ball bearing floats on... It's all magnets. Yeah. So exciting. It's brilliant and I swallowed the ball bearing floats on magnets. Yeah. So exciting. It's brilliant.

And I swallowed the ball bearing at my birthday party so no one could play it. But I didn't do it because of that. I think I just put it in my mouth and accidentally swallowed it. I wasn't doing it on purpose.

No. And that was basically like parties over. Parties over. Because that's the toy everyone wants to play with and there's no spare ball bearings because no one ever ball bearings.

I mean, you don't even see ball bearings these days, do you? You don't. No, bearings these days do you? you don't no I was reading I was reading that China China you know

people talk about China being you know the next you know superpower and you know the very technologically

advanced power blah blah blah but a lot of their IP is borrowed stolen you know copied etc

but they've only recently in the last like 10 years or something mastered the is borrowed, stolen, copied, etc. But they've only recently, in the last 10 years or something, mastered the ballpoint pen. Oh, right. So they used to, until a few years ago, they couldn't make their own ballpoint pens in entirety.

They could make everything apart from the little ball bearing on the ball. Why? Because the torrents are so small and it's so smooth and so precise. They've never sort of perfected it. And, you know, there's a little bit of the Chinese manufacturing wasn't good enough. And there's a bit of it you sort of go, well, if they can import them at a very cheap price, why would you make your own? Why would you bother making your own?

if they can import them at a very cheap price what why would you make your own why would you bother making yeah so uh but it's it's just like a little kind of like example of chinese manufacturing being not as good as as as it should be for the the financial weight that it's got kind of behind it and that's why all of that i thought you're gonna say because someone swallowed all of them the microprocessing oh i would love to put my hand in a bowl of that size of ball bearing i would as well so so so it's so it's almost like the the the the ball bearings are so small the way you move it around and swizz it around it would be like liquid wouldn't it because the when you ever see like um uh sort of uh physics simulations of water in 3D design it's always like little kind of

ball bearings or little squares that get moved around and then they get smoothed out in post processing I would love to just put my hand

in a big ball of ball bearings please very small ball bearings fluid mechanics is really interesting I used to live with a guy

who studied fluid mechanics and it was absolutely baffling I only ever use these pens I'm showing you one now no matter how much money I do or baffling I only ever use these pens, I'm showing you one now but no matter how much money I do or don't have

I only ever buy just packets of Bic biros, they're the only ones I feel like I can write properly with I never spend money on an expensive pen because I either lose it or it just doesn't feel right to me. I'm a pervert for a barrel Are you? Okay, so I'm a Bic

man. Anyway, Peter. Peter, we've got to go. We've got to get out of here. Where's my red barrel? Thank you very much to the ladies. I've got a red barrel. Where's my red barrel? I hope you're okay.

And I hope you feel better now. Got it. Have you got it? Can we have a look? You've got it with your feet in between your toes. Yes! Oh, good. Okay.

That's like a marker pen though not a ball not a it's a barrel it's a barrel head rate pen but I nibbled the the big top off I nibbled the big top off

you want to do the outro or should I do it yeah you do it mate okay we'll be back on Monday for more of this do email us hello at lukeandpetecher.com

we are at lukeandpetecher on social you know that by now you know that by now thank you very much for listening have a lovely lovely weekend whatever you've got planned i am going to see return of the jedi at the royal albert hall with a live with the london symphony orchestra i'm going to see that abba thing oh are you that'd be cool we could talk about that yeah great Big fan of that. We're both doing things. Yeah, separately, which is the best way.

Catch up with you later on, Peter. Thank you very much for your company, as always. Thank you very much to anyone who's listening and everyone who's listening, and we'll see you next time. Ta-ta! the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network