The Luke and Pete Show - Tell me lies, tell me sweet small town lies

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Pete’s turned into a film critic on today’s show, making an interesting case as to why Jackass should have won Best Picture at the Oscars. We then discuss pathological small town liars and Pete gives us another update on all his latest health concerns. If any doctors can help him please, PLEASE, get in touch!Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You ready? Yes. So we can start at three minutes, yeah? What if God was one of us? You said start at three minutes, and now you're singing blummin' Joan Osborne all over the music. I've got one question for you.

One question only. What? How sweet are your beans today? Oh, they're moderately sweet. I've come into the office... Bit spicy in there? Bit spicy. Bit spicy. Yeah, they're moderately sweet. I've come into the office. Bit spicy in there? Bit spicy.

Yeah, they're alright. I keep on looking in the cupboard and there's like a four pack of individual Heinz baked beans kind of portions. I'm not a fan. I told you about that. I'm a 200 gram tin man. I told you that. What else have we got on, Peter? How are you? Welcome to the Luke and Peter show, everyone. Pete normally does the intro. I've taken the bull by the horns today. I'm Luke. That's Peter. Hello. This is the home of sweet beans. If we were to turn them into spicy beans,

we'd probably have to have a mute in our hands, wouldn't we? I'd get a cayenne pepper, no, cayenne garlic version of Tabasco to do so. My favourite Tabasco flavour. I like the Cholula sauce. With the little wooden ball on the top. Yeah, it's got a lady in front of it. That's right, give it a little wink. That's why I like it.

I think to myself, if I eat this kind of spicy sauce, I'll get attention from fairly nondescript dancing girls who work in the spice industry, presumably. Doing some kind of menial labour based around providing me with this delicious, spicy hot sauce. Who makes spice?

Because spice is like a, it's like a kind of, you know, like the illegal, or might be legal, I don't know, the legal kind of herbal high. Is it legal now? Did it used to be legal? It was kind of like they tried to make another version of weed or yes Spice I think is the street name

for synthetic cannabis right right okay but it has very different effects it really does wow are we wow are you head out

I can't is that a bit of borrower out there wow are we I'm 41 mate I'm not going to start Spice now nah

let's not start any drugs now I'm not going to do a Charlie Watts. Who's Charlie? Oh, right. Charlie Watts, God rest him, by the way. Yeah. He, I think, got quite into, I mean, he was always in the jazz scene, but he got quite

into heroin in like the 80s when all the other ones were just cleaned up. And he was always the boring one. And then he just got quite into it. Yeah. And they were like, oh, Charlie's got it now. Charlie's got it now. Contagious. Charlie's got the brown pox.

The brown pox. Is that what they call it? Brown pox. No. Nah. Just got it now. Charlie's got it now. Contagious. Charlie's got the brown pox. The brown pox. Is that what they call it? No. It's made it up. It sounded quite good. No, Luke, I am on top of the world because I finally sat down and watched the TV extravaganza that is Jackass the movie. The new Jackass film.

New one. New one. Any good? A lot of balls in there. We had Knoxville in there, didn't we? We did, yeah. In this very chair, probably. Yeah.

He's very tall. It's just a lot of balls. A lot of balls getting involved. A lot of balls in there. We had Knoxville in there, didn't we? We did, yeah. In this very chair, probably. Yeah. He's very tall. Just a lot of balls. A lot of balls getting involved. I've seen testicles. A lot of just... I've never seen so many testicles in my life. So it's an interesting... Why is that not getting an Oscar?

That's not true. It's an interesting conversation, isn't it? Because I would be very interested to know how the changes in our society that have happened... I think we can all agree over the last, say, 10 or 15 years, it's been quite seismic, right? Yeah. How has that impacted on the Jackass movie franchise? And if the answer's

not at all, I also think that's quite interesting. There's a few more members. There's an even fatter guy. Younger. He's wearing glasses. It's depressing. There's a young black guy and there's a woman involved

so that's kind of what no if you're joining the jackass crew in 2021 2022 that's depressing Eric Andre isn't it

oh that's good that's good but he's kind of picked up the baton and sort of went with it a little bit more hasn't he he's kind of like

brought more comedy to it all Hannibal Buress isn't involved now but it was I just don't understand why that film isn't winning an Oscar. On what basis? Just being fucking fun.

Well, Will Smith tried to do jackass at the Oscars last year. That was a big hand, to be fair. He did have a big hand. What was the film that won the Best Picture at the Oscars? It was that fishing death film that I watched three quarters of. And it was good, and it was enjoyable. It was called Coda, wasn't it? Coda.

And it was fun, and it was really funny, and the script was great. But is it better than Jackass? I would say, I would posit no, it's not. Okay, so the angle you're going for here is, if we can break it down to its component parts, I have, presumably, I'm putting words in your mouth here, but presumably you're saying,

I have been more entertained by Jackass than any other movie in the last year. I don't think that Korda, it was an excellent film, very much enjoyed it, but I don't think it was a Best Picture nominee, and I think that's kind of how... Why are you styling yourself out as some kind of film critic here now? What do you mean? You just say you don't think it was a best picture nominee. And I think that's kind of how... Why are you styling yourself out as some kind of film critic here now? What do you mean?

You just say you don't think it was a best picture nominee. I don't think it was a best picture nominee. It was a nominee. Fine. But I don't think they shouldn't have won it. Why? What do you mean why? What basis do you have for that?

Because you prefer jackass. Yeah. Give me an example of the stunts they do in the film. A bear comes and eats salmon out of a man's crotch. Really? Johnny Knoxville breaks a load of stuff

getting attacked by a bull. There's like the big hands are back. Machine Gun Kelly gets knocked into a swimming pool from a big hand. All kinds of stuff's going on. The worst one was like this

you know the guy Party Boy you know the guy Party Boy you know the guy who like dances in the in the hi-fi shop he's not still doing it is he he's still doing it the only person who's not there

is Bamajera and the guy who died Ryan so Ryan Dunn but they squished his penis between two Oscar

between two I'm just going to keep saying it between two thick plastic resin sheets. Best picture, Oscar. And they didn't really do anything with it. They sort of whacked a little ball around and stuff. Whose penis was it? It was the party boy,

and I think they did someone else as well. But it was just good. I just think it's good. People get too fancy schmancy. Yeah, I get that, but you're going get too fancy-schmancy. Yeah, I get that, but you're going very much to the other extreme there. I just think it's better. I just think it's better than...

I just love the idea of some kind of Melvin Bragg hosting South Bank show. You there, in your football shirt, and they go, OK, Pete, and your best picture... I think I could talk him round. And you're just going... And then it's two sheets of plastic resin

and a penis. You will not believe how big it can go, that horizontally, I would say. What, it's like a chode, basically.

It was so squished. Like a flat chode. Yeah, a flat chode. Yeah, it was so squished, it was so wide, it was incredible.

Did it, did it return to its previous position afterwards? You'd hope so, wouldn't you? You didn't get to see that? No, but there was so many, there's so many bruises,

and everyone got really down. Everyone's balls were just constantly getting damaged. There was a softball, the woman with the fastest softball serve in the world, just whacking a ball into a man's balls. I mean, it doesn't get any better than that, Luke. It just doesn't. It can't.

So, you know, they say there's certain certain things like certain universal truths and I think I mean it's actually quite a quite a sexist phrase or sort of sexist story these days

but bear with me because that's literally you know it's a very old kind of saying and it's that man can watch three things for an indefinite period of time and never get bored

okay and do you know what they are no so it's running water. Okay, yeah. Fire. Fire, yeah.

And other men work, is the saying. Other men work? You can watch other men work. Oh, right. Yeah, that's fair. I guess presumably because you don't want to be involved

in yourself or whatever. Yeah. Would you say Jackass is fourth? Stupid idiots doing idiotic things to other idiots in the name of entertainment. Is that a close fourth?

A man getting a football, a soccer ball, propelled using an automatic soccer ball propelling device as you're coming out of a toilet carrying a load of cups of coffee. Not expecting it. Not expecting it right in the face. I like the ones that are not expecting it more. It probably says more about me, doesn't it? It's crueler, isn't it?

It's just crueler. But here's what I would say. So, Johnny Knoxville, who's not his real name, by the way. He's just from Knoxville, isn't he, in Tennessee? And his name's Philip something, isn't it? Philip Clap, I think his name is. He's 51. Yeah. And these days, I look at that and I go, he's in great nick. He looks much better than me,

even though he's 10 years older than me. Terry in the canteen, as I said to you before, was delighted when he came in. She's the only time she's ever shown any kind of excitement about anything. And we've had Gervais in there and all sorts. She was like, did you have that Johnny Knoxville in? So yeah, he's gorgeous. Anyway, so he looks great. But I sometimes feel like after a particularly heavy weekend,

which I mean I've had like three pints, Monday I don't want to get out of bed let alone with all this stuff and he's ten years older than us how do you feel about this one

it's a little sketchy it's like a little it's like he's getting a cup of coffee boom right in his face see look see what are you doing there

give it the Oscar are you watching Coder you're not doing that are you I haven't seen Coder either I liked the Oscars this year because a man hit another watching Coder? You're not doing that are you? I haven't seen Coder either. No. I liked the Oscars this year because a

man hit another man. I know that's not politically correct to say and I think that probably Will Smith has got some kind of issues as has been widely reported and I

do understand that in the modern environment when we're broadcasting to a certain amount of people we have a responsibility and we shouldn't endorse the fact that one man got

annoyed by what another man said, so we hit him. It would be a good finish to the show. Yeah, I couldn't be honest with myself if I was to say I didn't enjoy it. It was a delicious first half of the day, then it got very tedious very quickly,

I would say. Because the internet's been ruined now, hasn't it? Hasn't it? The internet's been ruined now. Too much. People who'd stayed up to watch it wow

yeah goodness so something I wanted to talk about was a Twitter thread that was put I think Big Rory producer Rory

he's on holiday at the moment I hope he's enjoying himself you're on holiday what's he up to what's he doing what's the little lad doing sent a whatsapp

didn't he yesterday said I'm on holiday this week but you just do this stuff and I'll be fine so anyway he sent a thread from a Twitter thread about a guy asking for the best small town

pathological liars. Which is a great conversational topic isn't it? It's not a bad shout. You must have had a couple at your place. It's only school based. There weren't that many kind of absolute bullshitters in town because like you just wouldn't believe them would you? Maybe that's a southern thing

southern knowledge divide it might be you always used to have the old guy at the end of the bar who used to tell everyone he was in the SAS right right okay yeah I suppose you get that

everywhere don't you right it's one of the things that makes you proud to be British isn't it anyway someone replied to this request saying that

the best one for me was our scoutmaster he was six foot five and pretended he was a quarter Canadian, put on a Scandinavian accent from his nomadic work around the world and would open cans with a huge belt-worn fold-up knife.

Later arrested for being a nonce and was from Hemel Hempstead. They always get caught in the nonce trap. Always get nonced right up. Yeah. My personal favourite is this guy, he says, there was a kid at my school who claimed he'd won the lottery and for two weeks he walked around in his dad's adult-sized

suit and tie combo to reinforce the lie. When kids can get away with going to school dressed in a suit and tie, you're just like, your mum's gone. Like, the mums and dads aren't really sort of paying attention for me, are they? No, it's true. But I don't think that actually the kids' aspect of this works

because I think we've talked about this before. If you were people who were quite extroverted in your broadcast like we are, when we were kids, we would tell stories, right? Yeah. Because this is how you would do it it you would find your place in the world you'd make up that you know you scored loads of goals at football when you hadn't or that you had like a secret brother or that michael jackson came to your house and used your toilet all that kind of stuff right but for me that's not the key the key is the adults the proper weird adults yeah who never grew up yeah yeah who will just say stuff like, you know, oh, um,

you know, I, yeah, no, you notice that I'm driving that, um, that Ford, um,

Sierra car there. It's actually only because, um, I just smashed up my Lamborghini last night. I was doing 300 miles an hour. And, um, so this girl was giving me a blowjob when I crashed the car. But I,

I want someone who's 50 saying that. I've, I know people who are heading for 50, who it just do not tell needless lies. Go on. It's not important. It's politically difficult for me to reveal. Not me.

Not you. Oh, right. But they just tell... Because if it is me, you can say it. I don't mind. They tell little lies and they get caught in little lies and it's like, why are you doing this? Yeah.

Like, I was there. Do you think it's a psychological thing? I don't know they're doing it. Yeah, I think so. Oh, they're just, you know, they're so used to doing it, they'll just continue doing it. Unless they're saying, no, I am a qualified doctor. What does it matter?

No, it doesn't matter. I enjoy it. Yeah. I enjoy it. Oh, speaking of qualified doctors, went to the stomach doctor last week to try and figure out my 40 years plus of having a bad, pooly stomach.

I heard about this. As you leant forward, the leaflet from Chinese for your tongue popped out. And he went, there's your problem. What happened? I'm going for a, what do you call it? An endoscopy. Out the bum?

No, down the throat. Luckily down the throat. But they do say that they're going to, they've got to sedate you. It's quite painful. Well, it's just uncomfortable, isn't it? So they say we will need to sedate you. So you need to have someone to pick you up. I'm like, that's a pain, isn't it?

Are you going to have to send me home? I presume my partner, but it's a pain for her to drive me to London. I should have gone somewhere else. And this is a private clinic, right? Yeah. That's going to cost you a lot of money, that. Yeah, that's, like, the consultation was 300 quid

and I'm like, right, that, what do you reckon that's going to cost me? Well, it's not going to be less than 300 quid, is it? Because he's not used any equipment. He's not used any equipment. No.

And he gave me a, he gave me some different antacids. And he gave me some different antacids. And they were like 80 quid. I thought, I have asthma drugs, right, on the NHS. And they're like, you know, 20 quid a unit. 20 quid an item or something. 12 quid an item.

Yeah. And I was like, I was just betting that kind of price. Like 80 quid for some antacids. Yeah. Mate. That's what private medication's like. I'll get some fucking, I'll just drink a pint of milk.

Yeah, I mean. Every day of my life. Should they, should they be able to have the best ones and not give them to people? What do you mean? It's like morally, it's quite difficult, isn't it?

Because like, I understand that drugs companies pay loads of money to divert these drugs and they should be, you know, they should be encouraged to do that for obvious reasons but then they gatekeep them and that's annoying

gatekeep that's annoying but I've never been in such a tidy doctor's surgery I've never been in such it was so lovely

they're like hotel lobbies aren't they it was beautiful would you like to know what Dr. Sam Ed Sammy of Digestive Health UK thinks it's going to cost you for a private endoscopy

well look if it's anything over a grand, I'm not going. Well. I'll get one of those fucking Ewoks iPhone cameras and I'll just jam it down myself. There you go. Have a look.

Have a look. Yeah, you come to me. I'll send you the avi. Do it in the shade. I'll send you the mov file. Do it in the gif. You can see the gif. It's two grand, mate.

Yeah, I thought to be about that. file. You can see the gif. It's two grand, mate. Yeah, I thought of it about that. I can't afford that, Luke. That's not true. Can you lend me some money? That's not true. It is true. You get paid exactly the same amount as me. Yeah, I fucking can't.

Apparently, Dr. Samed is a leading private gastroenterologist in London. He might be the guy you're seeing. Is it the guy you're seeing? No, I don't think it is. He's a specialist, so maybe he's more expensive because he's a specialist maybe he'll be the one who's doing it but yeah incredible

are you worried about it no not really what did he say I'm worried that I might say some terrible stuff when in recovery remember when Breachy was having her wisdom teeth out

she was waxing lyrically she's about Ryan Giggs endless chat about Ryan Giggs Ryan Giggs yeah Ryan Giggs on the mind so apparently

when I was a kid the only time I ever spent a night in hospital was when I had to have grommets put into my ears as a kid what are grommets little balls or something

little balls I think grommets are to do with when keep your ears open or something I don't know when you it's to do

with glue ear I think your hearing's not so I don't remember that much glue ear sounds disgusting I was very young and I had to go into this booth. My first ever time in a studio probably

was this little booth and they would, you'd have this little holder where you press the button and they would do different sounds into different ears and different pitches and if you could hear it,

you'd press the button and they can assess you and they have a look and they say, anyway, cut long story short, they said to me, you need grommets. I think it's a sort out glue. Are they have a look and they say, anyway, cut a long story short, they said to me, you need grommets.

I think it's a sort out glue in. Are they still in there? No, they fall out after a while. After, I don't know how long, but they fall out. Interesting. Anyway,

so I had mine done, but I think at that point they put you on the general anaesthetic, right, so I was in hospital for a night. Yeah. And when my parents come to pick me up,

I was still. We were the fairies. Yeah, in a wild state. And apparently, I kept screaming they weren't my real parents so I had to intervene

and just double check oh they intervened and checked that they were the real parents I think it was a change of shift so they didn't see them bring me in

so you could have a bit of that going on yeah you're not my real dad yeah I'm just worried I'm going to say something awful so what are your

current symptoms for your stomach well when I booked it, it was in bloody February or something. You still got to wait to get it. I thought I could just walk in and go, give me a doc, please.

I've got a pool of tum-tum. How many appointments do you reckon he does a day, that guy? I don't know. Well, they're all NHS doctors. They're just having a cheeky Friday

in Harley Street, aren't they? So say he has a Friday in Harley Street and say, how long was your appointment? I had half an hour with the nurse and then about 10 minutes with him. 10 minutes? He went like this.

He's made that up. He's sort of like, what is that? What are you going to find out? What are you going to find out there? Yeah, did he say what he was doing? No, he didn't explain anything. Does he have an office at the back of Victoria Station? All I'm saying is if he's got 10 minutes,

and even if he works only half an hour per hour across an eight-hour day, right? What's that? That is three times, that's 24 appointments, right? So he can do, how much does it cost you? 300. Yeah. He can do seven grand, over seven grand a day.

Yeah. Right, and plus, so he's waiting. How long did you have to wait? March, April, grand a day. Yeah. Right? And plus, so he's waiting. How long did you have to wait? March, April, so two months. Yeah. Right? So he's basically made,

in that time, as a conservative estimate, he's made 432 grand. Yeah, but I mean, he won't get all that, will he? Oh, wow.

That's all right then. He can pay for my endoscopy then. He doesn't need the money, does he? All he's doing is that tapping oh yeah is his belly on

what's he learning from that I don't know if there's any doctors listening get in touch and diagnose Pete yeah diagnosis murder just do a three bullets now

of your symptoms just do three symptoms that you've got stomach cramps yep the smell of flatulence has changed markedly okay

in January yeah and just just constant acid ingestion right and Pete is

40 years old yeah he's in poor health diet awful his diet is not very good and what have I eaten today

just Jolly Ranchers he spends a lot of time in front of a screen and he did have Jolly Ranchers for breakfast this morning so if you can diagnose him on that he'll give you 150 quid you've saved 50%

and if you do a gastro what's it called an endoscopy for what 500 quid you save a lot of money there as well could you not just use a little periscope a little peak

a little peak down the people listening have made a sweet sweet profit would you prefer to have put them in order endoscopy so that's down the throat, one up the bum,

or one up the pee-pee? The meat in the middle. No, they don't do that. My dad's had that one done. A camera up the pee-pee. I know it was a camera, but it sank up there. You do that anyway with an STD test.

No, but right up there. You put it right up there, a little umbrella. Yeah, it's not an umbrella. It's like a thing to get out there to check the prostate and stuff to check the prostate you're going right around the office

for that aren't you Mr Tickle yeah you can pay extra you'd rather have it that's called like some men like that sort of care but put in like

sort of metal medical metal thing it's called dowsing or dowling or sounding that's right yeah you told me about that a long time ago

down the old down the old pee pee I never wanted to hear about that again yeah it's called dowsing or dowling sounding yeah you told me about that a long time ago down the old down the old pee pee I never wanted to hear about that again yeah it's not for me anyway good luck I was just thinking if you've got something

seriously wrong with you this episode's going to be really bad taste but is it what you wanted you're a born broadcaster so you put it all out there you put it all out there when I finally

have my big health scare you'll hear all about it it'll be Pete's journey. Chance it could have been just simply consuming too many sweet things. Too many Jolly Ranchers. Let's have a break. When we come back, we'll do a couple of emails. We've got one from our friend Anna,

who's answering our questions about Chechia. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. Cool. Yes, that's interesting. Smashing. We've got a couple of other interesting ones as well, so we'll look forward to hearing those.

Don't go anywhere. We'll be back just the other side of this. And we're back with the Luke and Pete show. I'm finding it very difficult to read our emails today because I'm wearing my contact lenses. Left my glasses in the taxi. Boozy? Oh, yeah.

What happened? Oh, yeah. Got a taxi from the centre of town, Soho. What are you doing there? To home in Leonce. So that's... How much? 90 noughts. got a taxi from the centre of town Soho what are you doing there to at home in Leonce so that's how much

90 noughts 90 noughty noughts 90 boys were you Uber or Black Cab Uber Black Cab they'd be like get I'd rather push my car

in the sea they wouldn't do it first of all secondly you're going to pay double for that I remember once in an amazing row

between a bloke piss bloke and a Black Cab driver where it was classic double for that. I remember once in an amazing row between a bloke, piss bloke, and a black cab driver where it was classic. The piss bloke was quite posh. So you know the jingle we used to play out

in here with a guy, oh my wife, my ex-wife, I've had four pints of Guinness. He's basically very much like that. And he was saying to the cab driver,

sir, sir, if you have your light on, you must accept the fare. on you must accept the fare you simply must accept the fare and he wanted to go to like Birmingham or something at like 2am

and the black cab driver was like I'm not going I'm not taking you mate so it's as simple as that I was thinking to myself imagine the profit you'd make on a Birmingham in a black cab

yeah it's a grand probably it would be I mean but would he pay? If you're dealing with someone who's going to do that anyway,

he probably wouldn't pay. He's probably thinking to himself, I was thinking to myself, that's how much of a bellend you are, mate. He'd rather set fire to a grand

than have you in his car. So what was the big occasion you were in town for? Just having a drink, mate. Having a drink. Having a...

My friend Al had been to see a quantum computer and I wanted to know celebrate it I wanted to celebrate it is that really the case I wanted to know all the skinny

on it yeah that's not a joke is it no he was he was doing an event and he went to see a quantum computer and I was like

I want to know I want to know all about it how are they cooling it do you do you not do you honestly not see why that's funny why is that funny?

You went out for a beer with your mate because he went to see a quantum computer. Yeah, yeah. No invite for little Lukey? Would you care whether he'd seen a quantum computer or not? I like Al. Apparently they're in secret locations. Right.

I thought they were quite prevalent now. No, not really. But they're like those ones that, you know, if you're a developer or a scientist or an engineer or something, you can rent time with a quantum computer. And obviously, as discussed before, quantum computers are very different to your binary ones and zeros and stuff. So you must sort of have to plan six months in advance

what you're going to ask the quantum computer. What would you ask the quantum computer? Yeah, because it's got very much like only computer in the would you ask the quantum computer? It's got a vibe, it's got a very much like only computer in the school vibes. Yeah, yeah, because you'd be like, right,

what are you going to use it? Because you'd have to give them a study, wouldn't they? You'd have to give them, right, what do I need out of this? Yeah.

How am I going to talk to the quantum computer? There must be some kind of middleware that allows you to talk to it like you would a binary computer. Is there no operating system like software interface?

I don't know how it, I honestly don't know how it works. Because the attraction of a quantum computer is it can do millions of processes at the same time. So you'd have to think of a really seismic reason to want to use it. PUBG. Best round of PUBG ever.

Mate, I had three wins in a row yesterday. Three wins in a row. Squad based, so in it. We've seen squads can vary a huge amount. How good they are when you're in them or not when K.R. Stonneson's around yeah

but Pete so what was I can't think maybe our listeners can help us I can't think of a singular reason why you'd even need to use a quantum computer

right because I mean they're so fast these days generally got a lot of unread emails you get through them all at once amazing

so it's a great reason to go for a beer. It's one of the weirdest reasons I've heard. There's no how. He says they're all in secret locations. Are they massive as well? Yeah, they're sort of like triangular, and they sort of float, I think.

There's no reason for that, is there? People just want to drink. And I was like, well, why are they, like, why? You'd think that, how would you attach the heat sink to it? Because a lot of it's just cooling and it seems to be a lot of copper pipes so it's all cooled

and stuff so I'm like it seems like the pressure how do you sort of maintain the pressure of the die I presume it is a die into the actual cooling

I couldn't figure it out and to be honest neither could he Al didn't have anything he's not a computer expert though is he no he's terrible he runs everything off a Chromebook.

Couldn't he bring someone with him to help you explain? To help him explain it to translate? To bring someone from IBM? Yeah. Bring someone from IBM next time, Al. I want to know about the quantum computer for crying out loud. If you're listening and you genuinely have got experience with the quantum computer, I think Pete would like to hear from you.

Yes, I would, yeah. If yeah, I want to know what you've been up to. And is there a game? Anyway. Can you play Elite Frontier Elite 2? I used to play Elite all the time. I used to go to you've been up to and is there a game anyway do you play Elite Frontier or Elite 2 I used to play Elite all the time I used to go to my uncle's house

he had Elite on his old Archimedes computer yes okay and like what I used to do I had Elite at home but I was terrible right

and he was brilliant at video games and he always has been I told you he's the one who's now playing that old game Fallout 79 whatever it is

yes okay I sent you a picture of his set up didn't I the Alienware set up anyway he's into it He's the one who's now playing that old game, Fallout 79, whatever it is. Yes, okay, yeah. I sent you a picture of his setup, didn't I? The Alienware setup and stuff. Anyway, he's into it. The reason I just go to his place and play Elite, I literally used to walk 20 minutes to his house to play Elite on his computer because he would let me,

because obviously I was his nephew, he would let me use his save game on Elite. Oh, Luke! Where his reputation was deadly and he had all the lasers and all the hyperspace stuff and you could just do loads of amazing stuff.

And what it really makes me think of now is like, you know what? Back in the day, you had to earn that to get all the best stuff. You had to really

put a lot of time in. Now, I didn't have to because I just circumvented it by using his. You could use a POC. But you couldn't... You know POCs? What's that?

You could POC the memory to change values. It's like a cheat program you ran on top of the game. Nah, that's way above my table, mate. But these days they'll just release an update or they'll make it different. They can change the game after they've already released it. Not then. That's how hard it is.

Tough shit if you don't like it. Anyway, hello at lukeandpeter.com is the email address. Our friend Anna, as I said, the aforementioned Anna, has emailed in with some explanations

around the country Chechia. Pete, are you capable of giving some context to this email or would you like me to do it? The Czech Republic rebranded a few years ago

and nobody is listening. Exactly. Anna says, I'll let Anna pick up the story. Hi Luke and Pete. Yes, the rebrand was stupid. After splitting with Slovakia in 1993,

somebody felt we should have a shorter name than Czech Republic. So the Czech Office of Cartography decided our state would be called Czechia, as in Slovakia or Austria. It's Czechia, not Czechia, apparently. It sounds even more ridiculous in the Czech language. Česko, everybody hates it,

and nobody I know uses it. After using the English version, Czechia, for a while in international communication, we realised no one reads it right

and everyone mistakes it for Chechnya. The state decided it wasn't a good idea after all, stopped pushing it and we all pretended nothing ever happened.

Love, Anna. Have they, surely they've changed all of the, all of the, the headed notepaper, the website. That's going to be a pain in the arse, isn't it?

A lot of work going into that. I would be, yeah. If it was such a decision that someone had made, I'd be like, yeah, I'm keeping the save files on this one. I'm keeping your uncle's save file. So when we revert back to the original, we've got it in there. Yeah, so we go back and pretend nothing ever happened. Daniel also emailed in with an explanation. Hello to you, Daniel. He says, he says hi guys just listen to the latest

part and basically czechia isn't used here and wasn't really voted for the country is called czech Republic after the split um from the Slovak Republic event essentially just copied the naming format Slovak Slovakia Czech Czechia it wasn't voted on by the people though and it was only really done for marketing and branding purposes. I see. The Czechs I have spoken to don't really like it and would have preferred Bohemia as the country name, apart from those in Moravia and Silesia. Basically, it would be like essentially rebranding the UK Midlands.

But to be fair, the Midlands is the best part of the country, so fuck them. That's Daniel's opinion, not ours. Plus, it's been 30-plus years since the Velvet Revolution and people still come here and say how much they love Czechoslovakia. So they are fighting a losing battle while Americans still come to our country. Love the stamps. Yeah, the stamps are great.

And I think it's a really interesting story. I don't think it's very often, Pete, that you get, I mean, because we started talking about Eswatini, didn't we, in Swaziland. A rebranding of a country doesn't happen very often. No, and it's nice when it does. Yeah. Exciting.

There's nothing that is really beyond a rebrand, is there? What do you mean? As in, like, you think it's going to solve everything? It's an easy fix, isn't it? There's nothing so big that people won't go, yeah, we'll rebrand that. Yes, okay. That's what I mean.

It looks like Turkey's having a crack. Oh, really? Erdogan, who obviously is a very divisive figure. You work for the BBC? He's a bellend. Just so you can say he's a bellend.

He is a bellend. Earlier this year, they announced a national rebrand that will dispense with its 100-year-old anglicised name in favour of being known as Turkey.

Turkey. Turkey. Okay. And the U has a little umlaut-y sign over the top well that's good isn't it

because in a lot of cases you have the anglicised name of all these countries so Sweden obviously they call themselves Sveria and you know

for some reason they're internationally known as Sweden I guess it's because English is the dominant language isn't it indeed there you go

well listen what would happen if there was another planet discovered that wasn't that far away and it was exactly like it was

populated with exactly similar types of people like bipedal homo sapien type people but they also called themselves

earth someone's going to have to rebrand have to rebrand yeah you'd have to have an argument about who discovered

who first who's the earthiest yeah exactly so you'd have to rebrand argument about who discovered who first who's the earthiest yeah exactly so you'd have to rebrand the earth to something else

isn't like hanging out with Chris Tilley's dad from Clash of the Titles his dad what's his dad like nice fellow bloody lovely

dream dad dream dad is he really yeah dream dad he records at Crystal Palace is one of the

oldest clubs in the world and they found some connection between the pre-20th century version of Crystal Palace to the old works team and stuff. But the FA don't recognise it. So there's this sort of back and forth between historical groups in the Crystal Palace area that reckon Crystal Palace is actually older than a lot of the clubs that are regarded as being some of the oldest clubs

in the United Counties and stuff, you know, the really old stuff. That's what like a lot of, a lot of clubs will say that. And there has to be some kind of uniform agreement.

Because Palace were founded in 1905. But they reckon it goes back to like 1885 or something crazy like that. And it's difficult to know because if you look at, when I was in Germany,

I went to go and see VFL Bochum who were at the time. In fact, I think they85 or something crazy like that. And it's difficult to know because if you look at, when I was in Germany, I went to go and see VFL Bochum who were at the time, in fact, I think they still are. I think they just won the second tier. Or maybe they won the second tier

the year before us. Anyway, at the time, they were in the second tier. And I was in a press conference there because I was with big Andy Brassel and he got me in.

And their official name of their club is VFL Bochum 1848 and I was like well how is that even possible given that the oldest football club in existence was like 1860 or something and they're claiming 12 years older the devil's in the detail

Peter because these are clubs that were sports clubs so the clubs themselves were maybe started as a gymnastics club in like 1848 and added football for our american friends soccer to its roster later on i see but they still claim 1848 so they would say they're much older than they're 174 years old they're much older than whatever but actually they weren't playing football interesting i see there we go um should we get out of here let's go over here we got've got things to do mate we've got things to do

we'll be back on Thursday for battery brands and all kinds of nonsense if you'd like to get in touch with the show it's hellolukepeachow.com I think we can definitely do some kind of just giving thing

if you need to have surgery by the way I think our Luke and Pete show listeners will be fine with that sweet lovely old show we've got some sponsors coming up anyway so we'll be alright

see you on Thursday thanks very much for listening all the details are as Pete says they are and we'll see you again soon Pete's Biopsy sponsored by the McSpicy The Luke and Pete Show

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