The Luke and Pete Show - The boat that flopped

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

We’ve all been there: 18 years old and looking for a place to cause mischief, what do you do? Buy a boat, apparently…Luke tells us a brilliant tale about all that on today’s show! We then give our further thoughts on the new Cocaine Bear movie and reach the reasonable conclusion that all films should be more like Die Hard.We still want you to send your Christmas stories! Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feet don't fail me now It's the Luke and Pete Show It's Monday I'm Pete Donaldson I'm joined by Luke Moe And I hope you all had a great weekend How's it going everyone? A great little pre-Christmas World Cup weekend

You in the Christmas spirit? Erm, not yet Once again, it's hurtling towards another big celebration and I've forgotten to get any presents. So, I'm fucked.

No, you're not fucked. I'm absolutely fucked. There's still plenty of time. I'm fucked. You're shoveling mountains and terrible stuff. You've still got plenty of time. What are you going to get

the partner you've got access to? Oh, I don't know. We'll have to see. She listens. She tells me off. She listens to... She'll always listen to one that she thinks she's going to get some telling off juice out of. Oh, I don't know. What if I say this? Because she listens. She tells me off. She listens to... She'll always listen to one that she thinks she's going to get some telling-off juice out of.

Oh, okay. Like, what was the thing? Good commitment. It is, yeah. She'll sort of locate the one where I'm going, oh, I like girls' boobs. And she'll go, oh, you just said you like girls' boobs. I'm like, you've got boobs.

Or something like that. In many ways, there's an endorsement. Yeah, exactly. Maybe I didn't like boobs before you i did you yeah yeah it's pretty much been my lifelong uh obsession yeah so you know you said to me before sometimes on the very on the very um kind of odd occasion you get like a lucid dream where you know what you're dreaming about yeah first thing you do in your dream is go and seek out a nice pair of boobies. That's true, right? I may have said that on this very podcast, yeah.

But as you get older, you don't really get lucid dreams anymore. Is that right? I don't have control of any of them. It's usually me just looking for a toilet. And I can never get a toilet that isn't in full view of everyone. There's always a door open,

or it's just an enable, or it's full of shit or something yeah it's just absolutely what do you think that means I need to piss it's a sign of a disordered mind it's a sign of a man you could

just be having a dream where you just need a piss just just have a dream where I could get so much done I could read a book learn a language in my dream imagine if I became

really fluent in a matter fluent in a in a language I've I've just made up so based upon so I sometimes I sometimes have a dream

add that to duolingo I sometimes have a dream where I'm in like a really successful band like a recording artist kind of set up

and I'm doing a big show and when I get out on stage I can't remember anything and it's terrifying and I was going to ask you

knowing what you know about your dreams imagine there was a world where whatever you dreamt about when you woke up it was there for better or worse would you take it?

You had a delicious meal As I get older, though, I'm dreaming about a lot more apocalypses. So I wouldn't like that to be true. That'd be awful. So that's really interesting because one of the things I read about a lot is that a lot of people,

particularly young people, get a lot of anxiety about the state of the world. Right. Apocalyptic stuff, climate change stuff. And for some reason, that's something that never really comes in. I do or did get anxious about a lot of different stuff, like proper anxiety, but

never about that. So I wonder if it's a generational thing. Yeah, maybe. It's probably just, there's a lot of things, more things to worry about nowadays. Yeah, there is. And would you say that as you said there, lucid dreaming is less likely as you get older. Is that a fact or is it something that you think is the case? I think it's

the case. Okay, because I've got a book on lucid dreaming. Right. I saw it in a bookshop and I thought it looked quite interesting. I thought I'd give that a read because it claims to be able

to tell you how to recognise a lucid dream and control yourself. I thought it would be quite interesting. Oh, well, cool. I've never opened it or read it,

so I can't speak to its veracity. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, what was I going to say to you? I was going to say something to you, Dan. Oh, yeah, so when you said that the was I going to say to you? I was going to say something to you, Dan. Oh yeah,

so when you said that the partner you have access to listens into the show, I cannot stress to you enough how uninterested my wife is in any of the work I do. And that's part of the reason

I'm very happily married to her. Yes, yeah, yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Oy yoy yoy. You wouldn't want someone questioning your work because you are basically living your life through a podcast here.

Yeah, but this is me sort of making order of my life, I suppose. It's kind of like I saw a video of a man with rabies, right? Really? And he had hydrophobia. Yeah. And the body just goes, none of that, please. Yeah.

No water for... I thought you got... Don't you get locked, Joe, as well? Maybe, yeah. I don't know. But he's just... He's very... They pour...

He gets given a bottle of water and he's fine there. It sounds chilling, by the way. It's horrible. It's horrible. And he starts to down it and his body just goes, fuck off. And he sort of stands up and he's like,

spits it out. And that's his body's automatic response to it. Is there a cure? To rabies? I don't know. I don't know, you know. Why were you watching this video? It's just interesting, isn't it?

Right, okay. Because hydrophobia, you sort of think people are going, no, what for me please thanks it is literally it is an actual bodily response of going get the fuck out I believe

what's that got to do with this it's well I I'm constantly confronted with the water of my life thrown back at me in this show

yeah and very much like I think my dad executed seven gerbils revelation from last week from Thursday you found out it was seven I think my dad executed seven gerbils revelation from last week. Was it seven? He found out it was seven. I think it was seven.

Yeah. I mean, if you have that many gerbils, they will fuck and you'll just have 70 gerbils. But is it, I want to get to the bottom of whether it's a crime

to do what he did even in the 80s. Even in the 80s, I don't know. It was acceptable in the 80s. Do you think less of him for his actions?

I mean, what else are you supposed to do? Just let him free and just let him get eaten by a bird or something. Nature's way. Nature's way. Find a home for them.

Find a home for them. I admit, it's a fucking... It's a big ask, isn't it? It's a fucking annoying piece of admin. Yeah. I admit.

Yeah. I can't think of a scenario... Check the genitals, pet shop. I can't think of a scenario where someone presents me with seven gerbils and says, find a home for these

and I'm not annoyed. No, yeah, exactly. I'm always going to be annoyed. It's like owning a boat. You've got to pay mooring fees. Oh, mate. And maintain a five-glass hole. Speaking of that, I was literally talking about this the other day.

A few of my friends back in the day, everyone was just, I mean, it was the 90s, right? Everyone was just a bit of a caner, right? Right. But we were living at home. We got back from... I hadn't gone to uni then. I think I hadn't gone to uni then. And we were just bumming about

doing satellite jobs and stuff. You know what it's like in a small town. And all of us were in the same boat. Literally, as the story will manifest itself. And people wanted to... I should stress, this is not me. I wasn't actually involved in this, but I was kind of adjacent to it

because my friends were doing it. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but anyway, let me get to the point. They wanted someone to smoke weed. They couldn't smoke at home. They couldn't be smoking in the garden. They didn't want their parents

to find out, et cetera, et cetera. People were a lot, it wasn't as permissive a society then as it is now. So they had a bit of money. A couple of these guys

were from reasonably well-off backgrounds, had a bit of money, or they'd earned a bit of money or whatever. And guys were from reasonably well off backgrounds had a bit of money or they'd earned a bit of money or whatever and they said look because we live right on the south coast literally a stone's throw

from the beach a stone's throw exactly why don't we get a boat a cheap boat right we'll never actually go out on it

but we'll have it moored on dry land and we'll use it and we can go in there and smoke in there right yeah like a big hot box. It's like the...

It sounds like the world's worst Seth Rogen film. But it actually happened, right? Oh, we've floated into international waters. And so they... We're on a submarine

with some Russians. So they buy this boat. They find this boat for like 150 quid. And it's just got a little cabin in it and that's it. No engine, nothing.

Yeah. They spend days painting it and calling it Clubber Lang, which is the Mr. T character from the Rocky films, with a boxing glove on it, right? And they spend all their time going down the Clubber Lang, right? And smoking on the boat and all the rest of it. Does that not make you feel really even more seasick? Because they're not on the sea.

Oh, it's on dry land. On a trailer. In the compound. In the compound. In the compound, yeah. So there's no, they don't need to go out there. There's no energy. Just like a little.

So they don't have to. I thought it was just moored. Oh, that's cool. Right. Anyway, in the most unsurprising ever conclusion to this story, none of them realised

you had to pay mooring fees. Yeah. So as soon as they found that the boat had changed hands, they sent a summons for the fees. Yeah. No one saw it. It that the boat had changed hands, they sent a summons for the fees. Yeah. No one saw it

and it just got towed. And one day they just went over there and it was never even... The clever land got towed. Oh, that's a shame. So they never actually managed to get out on it.

They never managed to do it for its potential. It just got taken away and no one ever saw it again. Yeah. And if that isn't the most 1990s... Because they would have been

listening to like Nirvana in it. Yeah. It's the most 1990s story you could imagine. They had, I mean, 150 quid. I think it was 150. I mean, it was probably a lot more money back in the day, but I would say that 150 quid, I mean, between a few years, that's all right, isn't it?

I think thinking about it, they might have gone out on it once and had to get towed back in. Like the Inbetweeners, where it's like that. I think they had to get towed back in because they had no idea what they were doing it's good stuff I'm not criticising them

or belittling them because I haven't mentioned any of them by name it's a nice touch yeah Chris, Rob, Matt classic classic

just to change the subject Matt from the band huh? Matt from the band no no no no

what oh mate God's Green Herb Matt was a character Matt haven't seen him for ages from the band? No. No. No. No. What, oh mate. God's green herb. Matt was a character. Matt, I haven't seen him for ages. He used to,

right, tell me if you, tell me if you can think of a more calorific snack than this, right? Matt used to sit in the chair in front of the telly

dipping Cadbury's roses into clotted cream. That is, I mean, you're getting like your NHS health check at 40 or whatever. That's going to take us to home. You're going to be looking back and going, yeah, it was

there. It was that day when I did that. Can you put your finger on it? Yes, I can can I can understand I can't understand the taste profile for that to be honest clotted cream the sort of stuff

you would have on it's just needless scone it's not adding anything is it no Cadbury's roses I don't even remember what roses are

so they're just like the quality street Cadbury's version of quality street individually wrapped soft scented ones toffee ones all that kind of stuff

clotted cream unwrap them dip them in Icentred ones, toffee ones, all that kind of stuff. Unwrap them, dip them in a knee. I used to sit next to him and watch him do that. Luxurious, though. Very luxurious. It's very indulgent. It is very indulgent.

It's proper like, what's the name of that Roman emperor who used to just do whatever he wanted? Like Caligula. It's like Caligula stuff, isn't it? Fucking a watermelon. You know, all that kind of stuff. Anyway, Pete,

on a slightly different note, loads of people have got in touch, and so I suppose we should mention this. You've seen the story of Cocaine Bear is going to finally hit the masses. It's going to go mainstream. It's going to go mainstream, is it? And I find it very odd they've made a film out of this.

I think everyone's looking for new IP, aren't they? And if you can't get on board... Is it really IP, though? I don't understand how IP works, because anyone could do it. It happened. It was a true story. It's not IPable, that. It's not an IP story. It's an open source story. Yeah, that's what I mean.

But I don't understand how that all works. I just don't understand how, if you're doing something about a story, it's like, well, you don't own that story. Nobody owns the story, do they? It's weird. I don't know how well, you don't own that story. Nobody owns the story, do they? It's weird. I don't know how people make documentaries about certain things that happened. Obviously, well, that's different,

but IP generally is apportioned to fiction. So if you've invented the story, it's your story. I don't think they're seriously put a slush fund aside in case they get sued by a family of descendants of grizzly bears. I just think there might be another arrival. Do you remember there was like two films about Diana on the cinema at

the same time? Yeah. One had Christmas Chew in it. Quite good that. Surprisingly quite watchable. But yeah so Corket

Bears in the theatres pretty soon and it looks like a fun romp. My concern is more how they've made a story out of that. There's nothing you can't not you can't not,

you can't do a whole film based on that incident. For those of you who can't remember the incident, a load of cocaine fell out of a drug dealer's or drug trafficker's plane and landed in a forest somewhere and a bear discovered it, ate about three kilos of it and died. And then had his body stuffed

and put in a sort of, it was in the middle of the US somewhere, had his body stuffed and put on display in some shop, some roadside stop or something. And then they've made a film out of it. They're going to put a love interest in, not for the bear.

Well, I don't know. I don't know how it all fed together. But I think it's taken liberties. It'll still be three hours fucking long and all that much why is that why is that now why is every film

like that now do you know what I'll ask you we whinge about it on more than one occasion on the show we don't need it again but it annoys me

well I watched Die Hard the other day right doesn't outstay its welcome it's probably bang on one hour fifty and that's Die Hard yeah

if Die Hard can get it into one hour fifty the Nakatomi Plaza gets overtaken there's hostages Bruce on 1 hour 50 and that's die hard yeah if die hard can get it into 1 hour 50 the Nakatomi Plaza gets overtaken there's hostages Bruce Bruce Willis

yeah Bruce Willis John McClane he has to kill a load of people there's a love story he's estranged from his wife he misses his kids

they're in LA he lives in New York he's a hardened cop but he's got a sensitive side there's a cocaine adult bad guy who what's it called heads over to the bad guys and tries to do a deal with them and cop but he's got a sensitive side there's a cocaine adult bad guy who

what's it called heads over to the bad guys and tries to do a deal with them there's loads going on one hour fifty thank you very much indeed thank you very much see you later

I'll tell you what I would say about Die Hard now if you look at it through 2022 eyes yeah he the subtext

between John McClane played by Bruce Willis in the Nakatomi Plaza andClane, played by Bruce Willis, in the Nakatomi Plaza, and the police officer, Al, by the way, the police officer's called Al Powell.

Al Powell. They signed that name off. Al Powell. Al Powell. Yeah. Yeah. Al Powell. He's a black police officer who develops a two-way communication

over the radio with John McClane. They're looking after each other, looking out for each other. In the modern perception of it, it's very homoerotic. Oh, what? Do you reckon they're... I can't wait to get out of this

plaza. Mate, they become very friendly very quickly. Lovely. Yeah. Oh, I didn't really think. So again, you're adding in more themes. Exactly. One hour fifty. Done. Get it out. I would say a conservative estimate, fifty times more

things happen in Die Hard than in any Marvel movie. And the Marvel movies are all the same in principle and they're all three hours long. Have you seen they've used the Space Hog song for the Guardians of the Galaxy 3? I'd love to see it. I'd love to see it too.

It's not their best song though. Mungo City was their best song. They've used In the Meantime, presumably, which is a classic though. Yeah. And I'd love to see them making a bit of cash because I'll tell you what I really loved. I loved it when Shaun of the Dead

and then that Reno advert used Mr. Mental by the 80s Matchbox Beeline Disaster. Right. I saw that and I thought, I hope they made a few quid out of that because they deserve it. Yeah. the 80s Matchbox Beeline Disaster. Right. I saw that and I thought I hope they made a few quid out of that because they deserve it. They deserve it. They're a good band.

They deserve it. Well, they're almost guaranteed to be a number one hit hit monster, aren't they? Yeah. Old Space Hog. Yeah, I think so. Gotta be.

But that's Guardians of the Galaxy's thing, isn't it? It's quite obscure kind of rock and roll songs and then Star-Lord loves them and he's playing them. I cannot believe that in 2022 the Christmas

adverts for everything all feature breathy How are they still doing that? Five years have been doing it. How the fuck are they still doing that?

They just sort of think well it has to be done. We have to do this. I think it's longer than five years. I think two of the adverts used the same Blink-182 song.

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely wild stuff. It's disappointing, mate. It's disappointing, mate. It's very disappointing. But I would recommend a little known film called Die Hard. Die Hard.

If any of you haven't seen it. Die Hard 2, Die Harder. And before we go to the break, a special mention for loads of people that pointed out that Channel 4 accidentally broadcasted an uncensored version of Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares the other day, which was incredible. As you can probably imagine,

it contained, according to people who monitor these kind of things, 17 fucks, 9 shits, 5 pisses, 4 craps, 3 bloody hells, and one bitch. And Channel 4 have referred themselves to Ofcom, which seems like a decent thing to do. I would be perfectly happy for that to happen every single time. Yeah. But that's just me. Let's have a break.

When we come back, we'll do some emails. We have a few good ones in here. I don't want them to go unspoken for much longer. One of them's about bin men. Oh, no. It's the Luke Peat Show, and we are going to be hot for trot for your hot for trot, hot to trot for your emails. So why don't we read some out,

Lukey Moe? Yeah, helloatlukepeatshow.com is the email address. You promised one about bins. You know that by now. I'll do one about bins in a minute, but before I do that, I want to do one that makes you feel uncomfortable. Oh, no. It's from Dan in Vancouver. Hey, Dan in Vancouver. Dan-couver.

Dan-couver. I'd love to go to Vancouver. You know that. Yeah? Have you been? No, it's over the border from Seattle, isn't it? Correct. You were up that neck of the woods. I was up that neck of the woods,

but it was just a piss about getting a car over the border, and I was like, oh, I can't be honest. Is it hard? Is it hard, is it? No, it's just another thing. When you've only got a limited amount of time, we're only there for like two weekends, effectively. Right. And I get down to LA, so yeah, it was a non-starter. He it hard, is it? No, it's just another thing. When you've only got a limited amount of time, we're only there for like two weekends, effectively. Right.

And I get down to LA. So yeah, it was a non-starter. He didn't like to stress it. It's supposed to be good, don't it? Yeah. What I wish would happen is that sponsors

would recognise the quality and the listenership and the impact of this show and actually start fucking putting their hands in their pocket for us to do some good stuff. Imagine doing a Japan podcast

where I haven't been to Japan for three years. I've asked. Yeah. They have not provided. What have they said? I haven't asked. Japan for three years. I've asked. Yeah. They have not provided. What have they said? I haven't asked. Abroad Japan's massive as well as a show.

I mean, I've not... Who wouldn't want a piece of the Chris and Pete reunited in Japan story after three years? Get off your bum, British Airways. Where do I sign? Get off your bot-bot, Emirates. I don't know. Yeah.

Terrible. Cost of living crisis. Cost of living crisis. Ah, yeah, Russian version, isn't it? It's all fucking Putin wins if you give the union what it wants. I know, exactly, yeah. Putin wins. You are playing into Vladimir Putin's hands, asking for a 5% pay rise there.

So brazen, isn't it? The thing about that, that's Nadim Zahawi, right? I don't want to get on my political soapbox, not when Dan from Vancouver is about to have his big moment, but I will say this. Cunt. A stone cold cunt. Yeah, because he'll say anything. Yeah. That's Nadim Zahawi, right? I don't want to get on my political soapbox, not when Dan from Vancouver is about to have his big moment, but I will say this. Cunt. A stone cold cunt. Yeah, because he'll say anything.

Yeah. That's the thing. And you look at his CV, and you look at what he's done in his life, and you think, okay, it's your own choice. Do what you want to do and all the rest of it. You're making lots of people's lives worse, in my view. But you look at their kind of background

and their education and all the rest of it, you know, he went to the same uni as me. It's a good uni. Apparently everyone says he's clever. You know, he's achieved a lot. Why are you doing this? Why are you saying that? And what it is is you've got absolutely no shame.

That's what unites all these fucking idiots. It's the same, did you see that thing about Tucker Carlson the other day? Tucker Carlson, who hosts the biggest, I think at least the second biggest cable network news show in the US on Fox. He's a terrible, terrible presence. He's really, really making the world a worse place.

It's not a political viewpoint. He is awful, right? And what he's been doing a lot recently is saying Hunter Biden, who's Joe Biden's son, this, awful, right? And what he's been doing a lot recently is saying, Hunter Biden, who's Joe Biden's son, this, that, and the other. And Hunter Biden is a divisive character. There's some stuff that's gone on there which is questionable, right? No one's saying it's not.

But he's gone so over the top of it, he's made the whole thing stupid. And it's every single night, right? He's calling him out. He's saying this. He's saying that. He's parroting these conspiracy theories. He's mainstreaming conspiracy theories to vulnerable people. That's basically what he's doing, right? He's calling him out, he's saying this, he's saying that, he's parroting these conspiracy theories. He's mainstreaming conspiracy theories to vulnerable people.

That's basically what he's doing, right? That's bad enough. What came out the other day, he's emailing Hunter Biden directly, oh, give us a hand getting my son into this prestigious school, will you? What? How does that work then? Why would Hunter Biden do that? Because it's, um, because it happened before. So he's

already tapped, before this all happened, he's already tapped into Hunter Biden as a contact, got him to do and do that? Because it's, because it happened before. So he's already, before this all happened, he's already tapped into Hunter Biden as a contact, got him to do him a favour, and now he's flipped on him. The point being, there's just no shame. It's the same way

that Herschel Walker in Georgia will go out and say, I believe this about the family unit, I believe this about abortion, I believe that, and people are this

and people are that. Five secret kids or something. You know, absolutely no shame whatsoever. Projection is unbelievable. And that's what unites these grifters. And Nadim Zahawi will say anything you ask him to say

if it's going to get him up the greasy pole a little bit higher. And that's what this is all about. And that's why he'll say a ridiculous thing about the unions, a ridiculous thing about Putin because he thinks, I don't fucking care.

I don't care about you. I care about myself. And the more people realise that, the better. Anyway. Don't watch my video, please. Anyway, here he is, Dan from Vancouver. What a build-up. But you got me on my soapbox and you sidetracked me there.

Anyway, Dan says, big thanks from Vancouver. He says, hey, fellas, I'm a fairly new listener out in Vancouver, Canada. I was hoping you could give a shout-out to my mate Alex, who got me hooked on your show. So this is a nice story, but it's also got the added seasoning for me that's going to make Pete feel quite uncomfortable,

which is why I want to read it. Dan says, I moved out here four years ago and Alex recently flew over from our hometown, the Arsene-le-Nova in the UK. On a road trip from Vancouver up to Whistler, he suggested that we put on the Luke and Pete show as I love listening to Pete

on the Abroad in Japan podcast. Don't tell him that if you think it'll inflate his ego too much. Pete is completely ego free. So I've got no problem with that. He says your banter is stellar and it's a genuine joy listening to you both twice a week. I've been listening to some episodes from a few months back and you asked, how do people who listen to this show advertise it to their mates?

Well, I can give you Alex's sales pitch. It's two dudes talking about absolutely shite, but they're hilarious and he's not wrong. A big thank you to the both of you. Keep up the good work, and a big thank you to Alex, who's made me turn into a weird battery troll whenever I travel for work. All the best, Dan.

I wanted to include that because I know you don't like praise, Peter. And also, it really does indicate how important it is for word of mouth spreading. That's the most impactful way of podcast being shared around and we'd really appreciate it if you do enjoy the show to tell your mates you think

would also like it cholera Luke and Pete Shaw two massive word of mouth sharing events yeah

rabies no no you can't do rabies I never know no you got your bit nothing haven't you rabies

your blood is a blood changing probably is cholera pass through water cholera's water

yeah I think so so you could give someone a little smooch I reckon pass that on probably not I don't know smooching's fine

for the most part isn't it we have a smooch after every show don't we yeah a little end a little de-smooch thank you Dan

for letting us know that you've discovered that from your pal Alex and thank you to your friend Alex for being such a good pal

yes please to us and to Dan good stuff Dan and Alex do the email from Dino about bin men, Peter. That's why people from Vancouver seem really nice. Yeah. Good morning.

Just a quick one relating to the topic of bin men. This is from Dino Pevley. Since she was a toddler, my daughter Willow has run to the front door shouting, bin man, bin man, every Friday morning, so she can stand and wave to the bin man as they collect our bins. She's now six and upon starting

primary school the greatest trauma she had about such a massive step for child development was that she wouldn't see the bin men on a Friday morning

because she'd be at school. That's adorable. Whenever there is a bank holiday though she gets excited as it means they will come on a Saturday morning so she can dutifully

stand and wave to them. You can't tell us a story on a hangover. I'll cry. I'm crying now. School holidays are met with excitement because you get to see them every single week, every single time.

Without fail, the cart driver beeps his horn and gives her the biggest wave and it makes her day every time. On a side note, when I was younger and less enthused about working than I am now, I told my then girlfriend that I wanted a job that paid well but didn't require me to work lots of hours but sadly jobs like that didn't exist.

She told me I should become a bin man as they get paid really well and I only have to work one day a week. Naturally, this confused me, but on further questioning, it became clear that she thought the bin men only worked on Fridays because that was the day they collected the bins. Yeah, nice. They cram it all in. Cram it all in, exactly, yeah.

It's a nice story because we started this bin men chat about how a lot of, let's be honest, Brexit voting men in their 50s and 60s. They've got a real horn on for bin men who can lift bins. And the war. Basically, it's the war. And the war. It's basically the war, isn't it?

Spitfires. Spitfire the drink and bins. Yeah, and they said that bin men these days aren't friendly or whatever, and that they're not real bin men because they have bins on wheels. It's just weird. And high-vis. One of those things that the more you explain it, the kind of weirder it is.

And they never hang off the back of their bin lorry anymore. I would definitely do that if I was a bin man. Oh, man. The ones near me do. Do they? Yeah. Oh, cool. I don't think they're allowed to, but I don't care.

No. They just get on with it, baby. Inner city refuse inner city times where's all that refuge going it's going to that tip near Millwall

if you've got an appointment if you've got an appointment yeah you have to have an appointment now not for that do you really off the old one nah I just turn

I rock up whenever I fucking want baby go on let me in yeah they flash up your they flash up your registration. They've got like a collection of stuff. This sounds high tech.

Yeah, they've got a little sign that flashes up your registration, basically logging it so you don't come back ten times a day dropping off nonsense. But it's not fair because I've only got a Fiat 500

and some people have big fucking vans that they turn up in. How often do you go in there? Less than Sarah would like. But not as much as you would like. Not as much as I would like. Yeah, I love it. I love it there.

I really do. There was a man throwing out a lot of cassette tapes and I felt like going, give me those cassette tapes. Why didn't you just ask for them? Shy boy. Yeah, you're right. Was he a bigger boy?

He was a bigger boy. He was an older boy. But they've got like this big sort of plastic sort of dog. The blokes who run the show and always look like they're having a nice time. Always sort of going, hey mate, that's recycling. Hey mate, light tubes, over there.

Hey mate, car batteries, over there please. Scrap metal, ovens, right in the back. I think it'd be a good job. In the summer. In the summer. When it really stinks. Is it right in the back I think it would be a good job in the summer in the summer when it really stinks is it open in the winter yeah it's open in the winter it's not as pleasurable

when you've got a wet cardboard there's a brilliant storyline in the third season of This Country have you seen that no where Daisy May Cooper's character Kerry Mucklow

she gets a job at the dump. And they're so well-obsessed. Exactly like that. They're just well into it, aren't they? Yeah. Sunglasses on a string, the high-vis, just lords in command

of their own environment, right? Yeah, yeah. And would you love to be a part of that? I'd love to just sit on an old sofa, having a cup of tea, and just chatting to my mate. It would just be so cool. A lot of them are Polish and they speak

in Polish but I mean I would like to learn a bit of Polish. I'd have a lovely time. I'd have the time. I'd have the time. The only thing I'd

have to do is get in my cab and get the machine and smash down the refuse for a bit. Well that would be good as well. And that would be a

lot of fun and then you're good to go. I love my tip. Do you think there's a rule on what you can take home i don't think you're allowed to take anything home these days oh really for safety back in the day you were definitely yeah yeah definitely yeah this is the thing and i fear for the partner you've got access to it because if we are if we are going to have a flight of fancy here and i think we should where you're working at a tip in the 80s maybe the early early 90s. I'm bringing my own with me. Oh, there's 15 microwaves in the kitchen.

Without question. I was just like, yeah. I don't even want to think about the garage. It would be like that. Because I mean, there's very, you do see stuff at the tip and you sort of go, I've seen that stuff at a car boot before. I've thought about that at a car boot before.

Well, this is the thing. And I would say that I'm probably quite guilty of this. So when I have a clean out, and I say there's maybe eight or ten things, maybe five or six books that I don't really want anymore, and maybe a couple of other bits and pieces. Do you know what I do? I write on a box,

free, please take, and I put it outside the house. Right, yeah, yeah. People can get some use out of it. It's recycling. People can... It's not a mini library for people. Because it's easier than doing a car boot. i haven't got enough stuff for a car boot

i'll probably make a tenner by the time i drive there and back it's not worth it i'll just give it away so i can see why people take things down to the tip because it's just one hit you're done you haven't got to worry about it again you need the space or whatever but but they recycle a lot of stuff down there now right oh yeah i mean there's bins for books and stuff so this and there's stuff that still kind of works, sort of thing. It would be a hard heart indeed for a council worker

to punish someone for taking a book home from the tip. Yeah, I know, yeah. That is a perk of the job as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, definitely. But they must have places they take these books, presumably.

Speaking of books, by the way, just finally before we go, Jonathan's been in touch. He says, hello there. Following on from Luke's sweet shop story, remember that? Oh go, Jonathan's been in touch. He says, hello there. Following on from Luke's sweet shop story. Remember that? Oh, yeah. So I remember that guy.

He was fun. He said, I used to work in a struggling independent bookshop where the owner used to walk around snatching books out of the hands of any browsing customer while muttering about the integrity of the spine of the books. The business did not thrive. Best wishes, Jonathan. I love that.

To me, it's such a British to me it's such a British thing it's all you've got is the friendliness of the store of a bookstore nobody wants because the amount you know those bookstores

that are on like Charing Cross Road the posh bookstores shops they're too they're way too intimidating to go in they're just not friendly

that's why I like Waterstones it was such a nice place to be because you know you just get on with it read what you want take home whatever you don't want there's a bookshop in um manchester vermont which is a town that my wife and i got married in called the north shire bookstore right

uh and it's an amazing community asset right so it's quite a posh town anyway so i can't understand how they get away with it um but it's like a properly labyrinthine bookstore. It's amazing. It's got a massive secondhand section. They do like a loyalty scheme where if you buy the book from there, you take it back after you've read it. You get like a credit

and you build up credits and you can get more books and that kind of stuff. They do events there. They've got a coffee shop. They've got loads of nice places because they've got such a big space where you can actually,

if you want, and I literally did this like two weeks ago, grab a book that you quite like the look of have a seat cup of coffee I just read the first 30 pages of it I was

like yeah I'm gonna buy that. Cool. It was an amazing experience something very serene and relaxing about being in a bookshop and I

don't know if the man who Jonathan worked for understood that. I'd love to have it still going. Jonathan, get back in touch. Tell us if the bookshop's still open because it doesn't sound like it is. I had a kind of fancy a while back of owning my own bookshop.

But I did, in my defence, I did realise fairly quickly that I don't think I wanted any customers. I just wanted to have a nice quiet time. And maybe I should just go to the library instead. But anyway, let's get out of here, Peter. Hello at LukeandPeter.com is the email address for all your Christmas stories or anything else you want to email about, of course.

We are at LukeandPeteShow on Twitter and Instagram. If you're a fan of Pete generally, which, you know, why wouldn't you be? He does do quite a lot of streaming now on the Football Ramble Twitch page, which is, I mean, none of it was about football, was it, last time? No. What were the topics you was it last time? No.

What were the topics you went through last time? Monkeys playing football. Yeah. Japanese crowd control techniques

using nets. Yeah. I found a light that lights up with my voice in the room. Rats. Rats.

Talking about the fancy rats. Yeah. That's what we spoke about on the link in the Patreon. So that sounds

like your cup of tea twitch.tv forward slash football ramble I thinktv forward slash football ramble I think. Just search football ramble on Twitch. If you're a Twitch person

you can check that out. I sometimes pop up on there but not as much as Peter. That's where you can find him. And that's it. We'll see you again on Thursday. Christmas is coming. The geese are getting fat.

Please put a penny in Pete Donaldson's hat. See you next. Because goose fat is quite useful isn't it? So it's good they're getting fat. My mum uses goose fat on the old roast potatoes every year. Good, good.

The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.