The Luke and Pete Show - The Driving Test

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

On today’s show, Pete is fresh out of his driving test as we find out whether he passed, what went wrong, and why he’s been drunk-texting his instructor...meanwhile, Luke has news on our long duck friend making his TV debut.We also have time for some painful Dad behaviours, golfing mishaps and - despite ending up in A&E due to a pot noodle injury - Pete tells us about how he’s been tutoring an A&E doctor. DON’T MISS OUT!Tell us about your driving tests - did you pass first time or are you still attempting? Let us know over at [e-mail] or drop us a message on Twitter/Instagram at @lukeandpeteshow! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's monday the 17th of may and we're allowed to embrace and hug again hello and this is the luke and pete show pete donaldson with your job i look more luke do you fancy a big hug mate sure why not let's do it let's hug for until the next iteration of the lockdown laws change let's hug constantly until then Let's hug each other so hard we give ourselves the Luke and Pete variant. What would it consist of? What would it consist of? High-grade cheese emitting from the eyes and ears,

a darkened soul, and a Rubenesque appearance. Very nice. That's just me, though. What about you? Just letting the dog out. Dog wanted to be in, then the dog left, and then the dog got to be in again, and then he wants to leave. That is the life of a dog's man, or a dog's

man. Exactly. So, Peter, I think all of the listeners, the listening community, the Luke and Pete Show community, will be on tenterhooks to hear about whether Mr. Donaldson is going to be on the road, on a road near you soon, behind the wheel of one of them North Fangled automobiles. I have a large automobile.

Well, first I first like to say thank you very much to a couple of people who remembered I was having my test today and actually tweeted me saying good luck on your test that was really kind unexpected and very unnecessary so thank you very much to those people

Luke I I I passed is what I would have said if I hadn't fucked it up I fucked it up I'm not a big game player I fucked it up

I fucked it up I didn't sleep I went and I drank three coffees and I was jittery and I was nervous and I tried to engage the man in conversation his daughters are twins and they're actors coffees and i was jittery and i was nervous and i tried to engage the man in conversation oh his daughters are twins and they're actors i didn't i wasn't paying attention i didn't do my

six point jets i did five ah how much did you get last night about three hours it feels like luke i don't feel very well and i've got a rather full day and it started badly and i hope it gets a little bit better uh yeah i fucked it absolutely i didn't in the in the grand scheme of fucking it i didn't fuck it but i fucked it enough to fuck myself i fucked it yeah it was i was surprised how little i fucked it, but I fucked it enough for him to say, I'm sorry, sir, you fucked it. So it was very much simplest maneuver, reverse two places. Everyone knows that I do that.

A child could probably figure out how to do that quite quickly. Looked every, did me six point checks, but I forgot the right shawl in the night. And I was a woman outside a house, which is somehow important to what i'm doing on the fucking road so yeah yeah did you know at the time no i thought i'd fucked it somewhere else i was on a big i was on one of those big bloody gyratory roundabout things and i was like oh that went quite well and then there was a road off that and i was like uh i'm not sure which lane i'm supposed to be in here i'll just stick on this one for a bit um so i thought i'd fucked it there but i didn't fuck it there i fucked it at the simplest

most conceivably uh a simple point of the whole thing so yeah so when you well commiserations i think i'll speak on behalf of the whole community when i say we're very very sorry to hear that but you will be back you'll bounce back i'm sure that driving when I say we're very, very sorry to hear that, but you will be back. You'll bounce back, I'm sure. That driving stricter's got to go to Forest and get something, and I'm still fighting for this title. But Pete, when you said that you tried to make conversation with him, I've got to hear more about this. Well, I know all about him. He was...

What you were doing the test, you were talking to him. He once drove to Newcastle just for a meal. Now he's going to drive back again. Don't be talking to him while you're doing the test. I was trying to get... I was trying to get on his good side

so he wouldn't notice that I don't do all that on my show on the checks when I reverse two cars. You said that you weren't that confident anyway, which could have been part of the problem.

I was so jittery. Again, I don't have ice in my veins, so to speak. I'm not a big game player. I need a couple of goals to get it right. So I'm relatively confident about getting the next one or the next one after that. But it was annoying that it was just the simplest part of the actual test that I absolutely messed up.

But look, I learned a lot about the man. He wants to run New castle uh for a meal both of his daughters are currently doing some television uh shows for citv uh and uh the way there was a waitress driver in front of us who was driving rather erratically and i made an excellent joke about all the milk turning into butter um So he enjoyed himself. That's the real test. They don't pass you for that. Examiner enjoyed it. I enjoyed it up to a pint.

I was a little bit jittery, and I fucked it at the simplest pint. Hey, ho, it's Monday. It's only going to get better from there, isn't it? Did you, were you making like awkward conversation, or were you trying to be a real kind of Peter Ustinov about it? I think I was utterly... I think I was about as charming as I possibly could have been.

What does he think of you now, do you think? If he's sitting at home and the thoughts are going through his mind about what he's been up to this morning, what's he thinking of you? I think he's probably going to take a good, long, hard look at himself and sort of go, I enjoyed my time with Peter

and he didn't he didn't deserve what i i gave him quite frankly he didn't deserve that he didn't deserve to have an angry uh st albans through hemel hemstead uh uh scooter ride uh screaming into the ether he didn't deserve that he didn't deserve me going these are the basics these are the basics if you heard if you're on in in hamilton uhstead on the approach to the M1, if you heard a man on a learner's scooter shouting, these are the basics, Peter, why couldn't you get it together? It was me, all right?

Yeah. You've taken it well, though. Were you, do you reckon you could get the same examiner next time? Well, there's only limited examiners, I presume. But, like, I'm sure they've got the work out for them. He said he's been working every hour that God sends trying to get this backlog cleared. But I've got a 10-day cooling-off period.

Yeah, you had to wear a mask, you had to wear a mask, the windows were open. There's a lot of variables that, you know, you probably didn't have to deal with when you were driving in your manual when you had to do things like reverse around a corner, which we don't have to do. Didn't even have to do an emergency stop. And that was the best thing about the lessons.

I love doing emergency stops. I love making it go... Your instructor doesn't. So you're only doing it in an automatic anyway, though, right? I know, piece of piss. Piece of piss. That's where my sympathy runs out for you, to be honest. I mean, I do feel for you because I want you to do well,

but if you are going to step up to a driving test, take the automatic test and still fail, I think it's a bit like, you know, it's a bit like going on a game show and there's like a £10,000 question, a £1,000 question and a £100 question. If you take the £100 question, you better be getting that right, boy.

Because that's the easier option. All the new cars are going to be uh automatic there's no need for them any no need for them you won't be driving so yeah oh how much did it set you back what's the damage well well i will have another crack at it i don't know how much the tests cost i don't know how much any of it cost i just dropped i just went uh to passmefast.com. They did not pass me fast, so I will be asking for a full refund.

So yeah, and I got farmed out to Shamsul Alam's little school. And you know what? For the next few weeks, in my cooling off period where I can't book another test, I will miss Alam. I will miss him. I wished him a Eid M uh at uh one minute past midnight uh a couple of days ago i don't appreciate it but

because i was drunk i don't think he needs a drug man wishing him a need my barrack uh in the middle of the night to be quite frank when he's trying to get a bed after a long day of fasting and if you're an observing muslim you don't drink anyway so he's probably mocking him he doesn't appreciate well i didn't tell him very much there's an element of that in there's an element in in that of the this is the fun you could be having look how drunk i am i think it's disrespectful so have you spoken to him since you failed? Yeah. He, because of the nature of how I failed, he tried his very best, but he really could not hide his disgust.

What did he say? He was just like, very quiet, going back to the Waitrose car park where I left my scooter. And then, yeah, he was lovely about it. And he was like look we'll be back blah blah blah but i think i think a lot i think when people fail they fail in the middle of the course and it's a you know emergency stop and they and they just drive you straight back

you know you just drive straight back to the test center because you fucked it royally fucked it i didn't royally fuck it i kind of fucked it still fucked it and i think he because he remember did i tell you he sort of um uh he knows where you've been because of the gps on the car so he knows where where you've traveled so he saw me doing everything um in a decent time and it is about a decent time isn't it like you know beating your pb um i think if the driving test examiner says to you you broke the speed record for the course, that's not necessarily a good thing, is it? But he thought I'd passed, see?

Because I was just like, I thought I'd fucked up. I didn't fuck up. Oh, we go again. We go again after my 10-day cooling off period, if I can get a... I think this is the most sweary you've ever been on this show. I've never heard so many swear words from a man so disappointed. Well, look, if you are expecting me to fail a driving test and not drop a few F-bombs, and you've got kids in the car,

you've got another thing coming, haven't you? You know what you get from me. You know what you get. You have kids in the car when you're doing your test, did you? Yes, and they turned to butter. Oh, well, Peter, that sounds like it's dominated the last few days for you. So did it ruin your weekend because you were kind of apprehensive about it? Yeah, I mean, I just didn't sleep last night at all.

But that's the thing about doing it again. I'll know kind of what I'm expecting, I suppose. Look, the restrictions have ended. We can all go to the pub. Sweet as a nut. You don't have to sit out in the bloody rain, which is appearing with increasing frequency at the moment. I don't know what the hell is going on.

I had more hail in my face coming on. It was really sunny during the test, and then when I finished and got on my scooter, when I'd failed and I was screaming into the ether, it just started raining and hailing. Dark clouds started pounding me. So, yeah. I think it's been the coolest spring in 100 years.

Nice. Okay, cool. Yeah, not coolest as in like, oh, we've had like an amazing time and we've launched a new capsule collection or something. But I mean, it's cool as in cold. Is that what you think is cool? A capsule collection?

I don't know. It's the first thing I thought of for some reason. That's what you did at the Gatchapon. Yeah, very strange. think is cool? A capsule collection? I don't know. It's the first thing I thought of for some reason. That's what you did at the Gatchapon. Yeah, very strange. What is something? Tell me something that I could have said that's cool. I'll tell you what's not cool. I bought from the Waitrose earlier,

like a pot of crab. And I didn't realise until I got home, it was like half of it was egg. Like, it says like a pot of crab, i didn't realize until i got home it was like half of it was egg like it says like it says like a pot of crap not potted crab but like a like a crab right like bits bits of crab or torn up in a in a pot and like about like you know two two centimeters up the bottom of the pot it's it becomes egg all of a sudden is Is that a thing? Does egg mayonnaise sort of join together with crab quite nicely? I'm just a little bit upset. I don't know. I have no

idea what you're talking about. So that's not cool. No, it's not. Are you a waitress man these days, are you? I am when I got a drive to fucking St. Holmes to sit in the waitress while Shamsul Alam turns up with his Mitsubishi.

Oh dear. Have you had a breakdown? No, I'm having one now when you're listening to it. And that's why people want to listen. You're investing a lot of yourself in today's episode Peter. I think it's pointless probably just asking you this because it feels like it's dominated the last few

days of your life. But anything else been flying on your boat? Did you do anything else at the weekend that's worth talking about? No, I specifically didn't drink because I knew I had an important appointment on Monday. You just said you were drunk. You said you texted him drunk. That was last... When was the end of...

It was like Thursday, wasn't it? Wednesday? I don't know. I don't know. Tuesday? I don't observe any religious ritual. I think it was the end of Tuesday. I think it was Wednesday? I don't know. Tuesday? I don't observe any religious I think it was the end of Tuesday. I think it was started on Wednesday morning. Yeah.

No, Thursday morning. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Peter, I was going to say to you, remember we were talking about Long Boy the other day? The world's, I think the world's tallest duck. Right. At the University of York. long boy is there for you if

you are if you happen to be listening to this show and traveling close to the university of york um you can go and check him out um i think he's just knocking about in the grounds of the university of york campus um a couple of updates one is that sadly, Longboy recently featured on James Corden's chat show, a man I find objectionable. That was a shame that we're sharing content with them. And secondly, there's another big duck there called Chonkyboy. Chonkyboy? Yeah, who was big and not quite as tall as Longboy,

but still, I guess, a duck of note. But sadly, Peter, he's been put to sleep after being attacked by a fox. Why are you telling me this now? I've already learned about him, and now you're telling me he's dead. What do you want me to do with this information? I was happy for a second before you cut me down.

Is there no end to my disappointments today? Long Boy's fine. But Chunky Boy, yeah, sadly passed away after a battle with a fox because he was defending his ducklings. And the ducklings all survived. So he's a true hero, Chunky Boy. Who's watching this? Do they know?

Yeah, so apparently he's passed away. Sad. But what I particularly liked about it, Pete, is that on the news story of this that I read, which was on the excellent yorkmix.com, it's got a facility for people, the Facebook accounts, to comment on every story, right? And so this story about Chonky Boy, the big duck that got killed by a fox,

and there's a couple of, as by a fox and there's a couple of as you'd expect there's a couple of quotes saying you know gone before your time you know people talking about stuff on social media so now you know he's a bit of a character around the university of york campus um you know all the usual stuff someone called lee on facebook has commented saying poor bloody students having to cope with the facts of life poor bloody students having to cope with the facts of life? At least they sort of had something there, because I would dispute, like a stupid kind of local,

kind of rag kind of fan who has a problem with everything. I would presume they would probably attack the actual vessel itself that's delivering the information. Who gives a toss? Like, who gives a toss about this fat duck? But in fact, they're attacking the very idea

of people bettering themselves through education, which is very... The overwhelming demand, or the overwhelming kind of desire to do the old textbook. Oh, do you get paid for this? This is professional writing

these days, is it? The very idea... But the desire to have a pop at students has overwhelmed him. Yeah, yeah. University of life, mate. What are you doing? Watching Countdown? Oi! That's one out in the battle of wills in his mind.

Yeah. Slag off the local paper. Slag off students. It's students for me, Noel. I'll take the students. Thank you very much. I would slag off the lack of achievement on the side of the Chunky Boy because Long Boy, it's an achievement to be tall. And I'm sure that's something you scream into the mirror every morning.

But the Chunky Boy, I think, like, it's just a fat dog. He's just eating too much. So, like, we could create a Chunky Boy, couldn't we? I could create a Chunky Dog. Chunky Boy's claim to fame was tenuous, to be fair. I mean, even according to the article I read, it said Chunky Boy was smaller than Long Boy, but he also had a large body.

He's riding his duck quarter, isn't he, really? Yeah, he's famous by association. Everyone's come to see... What they say, actually, Peter, at the University of York, is you come for Long Boy, you stay for Chonky Boy. You can't stay for Chonky Boy anymore because he's no longer with us.

So a very, very sad update on that. Could it be, if he was a bit longer, he probably could have seen the fox from further away and done something about it. Why hasn't Long Boy raised the alarm? That's what I want to know. Long Boy is asleep. It's Bosnian.

He's resting on his laurels. Should have his head on a pivot. Absolute swivel head you should be with that kind

of nature's advantage. Yeah, maybe I am. All right, on that bombshell, let's go for a quick break.

When we come back, we're going to do some of your emails, talk a bit more nonsense as well, I expect.

So don't go away. We'll see you in a minute. This week at Sukarnov. If you're wondering how Ashwood City Football Club dealt with the news of the European Super League, then binge the award-winning mockumentary The Offensive this summer.

I think a few of the players are considering taking to social media. No, fucking no. Okay, turn off the fucking Wi-Fi for all I care. Tear down the 4G mask. Patrick, you've got a Zoom call with the other 14 right now. The 14? What? The remaining Premier League clubs.

Oh, for fuck's sake. I don't want to talk to those fucking losers. Or if you'd rather get stuck into a comedy film podcast, why not check out Clash of the Titles? The podcast where two films with something in common go head to head to decide which one is better.

Their latest episode saw red heat up against Tango and Cash. In both films, I think someone says, where did you learn to drive like that? Which no one ever says

in real life. I had lessons. But a nice callback. And your nan has. Your nan evolves now, yeah. How many times did you take to pass?

You passed first time. What about your written test? All that and a whole lot more at Sukarnov. Mirror, signal, manoeuvre. Pete and Luke with you with the Luke and Pete show. We've got some emails for you if you'd like to get in touch with the show it's really simple hello look at peach show.com and do check us out on instagram and twitter as well yeah and if you've had similar kind of trials and tribulations while passing or attempting to pass your driving test let us know

pete needs to feel strength emotional strength in numbers from other people out there who've suffered the same disappointment. So do get in touch with that as well. So every so often on the show, more often than not, certainly I'd like, but that's just part of the job, people email in to correct me, don't they Peter? It's only fair,

it is only fair that I give them the right of reply, you know, the platform they need to, I think, to further educate and help our listeners. But I think, dare I say, cover their own insecurities as well. Oh, that's a fail for you. You have not passed, sir, sorry. You have failed the look-a-pitch or look-a-moor.

No, I just want to... I'm not saying this about this particular email because this is actually a genuinely quite interesting email, but sometimes people do pipe up and go, do you know what? Well, actually, the plural of, you know, stadium is actually stadiums, not stadia. Luke, you have been very much at the vanguard

of this behaviour before, Sunshine. And I probably used vanguard incorrectly. I'm Captain Pedant, and that's why this annoys me. I'm Captain Pedant, and that's why I drink. So, Bianca from Stockholm has been in touch and says, hi, Luke and Pete. This is going to get very nitpicky, just to warn you. But in the latest episode, Luke said that mammals are defined

by giving birth to live young. It's not weird for him to warn you. In the latest episode, Luke said that mammals are defined by giving birth to live young. It's not weird for him to think this. I believe it actually used to be the official way to classify mammals. Still, this is not the case though, as there are a very small subgroup of mammals called monotremes, scientific name is monotremata, that lay eggs. This subgroup comprises of echidnas and certain types of platypus. So how do you define a mammal now? Well, by the fact that all mammals produce milk for the nourishment of their young. What do you think of that, Pete? I think that just to keep things tidy,

could we just have seen off a couple of platypus? I mean, these are just certain types of platypus. Just mug them off. Just move them somewhere else. It's fine. We're not going to miss them. Give us something easy to deal with. Move them around the animal kingdom.

Does the fact that they lay eggs rule them out? Apparently not, according to Bianca. But she said, look, I don't normally write emails like this. But for some reason, I just felt compelled to. I came across this show by accident. I'm only 15, and i'm in no way the target demographic um but i've really come to love the distraction and calm and normalness it provides me with also forgive the mediocre english it's not my first language and i'm only

15 bianca from stockholm there you go bianca i do forgive the language you are able to compose an email in english far better than me and pete are able to in any other language. So you don't need to apologize for that. And correct a 40-year-old. Yeah, I mean, to be honest, if she's got that much knowledge at 15, she's going great guns, in my opinion. But terrible choice in a podcast, unfortunately. So well done you. Tyler in Milwaukee's got into it.

This is a banger. Apologies for the somewhat lengthy missive, but Jim talking about his canal, his famous canal falling in story he's got into it this is a banger uh apologies for the somewhat lengthy missive uh but jim talking about his canal his famous canal falling in story and subsequent emergency room top three list reminded me of a story that combines both dad behavior which is something we've talked about on the show and embarrassing emergency room situations when i was 14 years old we took a family vacation to south carolina to spend time at the beach. One of the days, my dad decided to take me golfing.

He was not a good golfer, still isn't, but he played enough to be dangerous. About halfway through our round, he approached his ball approximately 20 feet behind a large tree. As he approached it, he looked me in the face and said, if this ball comes back off this tree, it is going to hurt. My dad is a large man who spent a career performing manual labor he swings that golf club rather hard the next sound i heard was a crack i blinked and my dad was face down on the ground his prediction was correct it did hurt when it hit him perfectly in the space between the upper lip and the bottom of his nose this is when the dad behavior started as he staggered to his feet he again looks at me but this time he says do you think you could drive to the hospital uh i was 14. um when i said no i don't think it's a good idea he doesn't decide to call for help we get back in

the golf cars car and drive back to the clubhouse so he can walk in explain what happened and ask for a rain check so we can come back and finish later. He doesn't want to lose the money he already spent. There's filth from splitting the two. When we finally make it to the hospital, he approaches the window, and the nurse begins asking questions. When she asks, how did this happen, he explains, and it's met with uproarious laughter, and the nurse tells him he needs to come up with a better story.

About that time, a gentleman walks in the room with his hand wrapped in a blood-soaked bath towel and says to the same nurse, I just cut off a few of my fingers and I need some help. She calmly responds, please take a seat

and we will be with you shortly. Needless to say, my dad gave up his spot in line to the fingerless man. He unwrapped the towel and it was gruesome. Why are you looking at that? Why is he showing a 40-year-old bath?

But 16 years later, we never let him forget that he ended up in the hospital because he hit himself in the face with a golf ball tyler in milwaukee your dad sounds like a lot of fun and the very blueprint for the modern man by the way pete love love the fact that you just dropped in the word filtrum there which is the technical term for that gap between the lip and the nose right we'll probably find out from a 40 year old lass from stockholm it's incorrect it used to be known as a filtrum now it's called word philtrum there, which is the technical term for that gap between the lip and the nose. We'll probably find out from a 14-year-old from Stockholm that it's incorrect. It used to be known as a philtrum. Now it's called

philtrum 4.0 Bluetooth. You know, what would you do if Tyler's dad was actually called Phil Trum? I'd take it. I mean, yeah, it would be a leap and be confusing and I thought that you might have messed with the emails, but yeah, let's go with that. If his dad is called Phil, that would be a leap and be confusing I thought that you might have messed with the emails but yeah let's go with that

if it's bad it's called Phil that would be at least halfway there one thing this email does for me is it really hits home that an underrepresented part of the community an underrepresented part of everyone's community is the A&E

slash emergency room department which because you normal people, everyday people, will only go there once in a blue moon, unless you're Jim, obviously, but only go there as a punter. It's underrated, I imagine, how mental it is. So if you think about it, in the space of a couple of minutes on that one day, a man has walked into the room, he's brained himself with a golf ball rapidly followed

by a man who's cut his own fingers off and that's just one hour that's just that's five minutes it's five it's so much kind of variation it's it's it's one minute you're eating crab another it's egg mayonnaise you never know what's going to be upside the head with and and yeah i completely agree and and things are going in things are coming out of bodies it's just yeah it's wow it's a thrill ride and creative solutions did you ever take the pot noodle burn into the aene no and to be honest i should have done because that was a it was a very deep it wasn't a nun it was a jewish lady um a nun? It wasn't a nun, it was a Jewish lady.

I don't think she was a member of Temple or anything. I imagine she attended pretty regularly. Yeah, it was yeah, I should have done, but I think anything that you've done with a pot noodle, you don't really want to go on an accident to merge you with. Nah. Would you make up...

Well, I was just going to say, if you went into A&E with an embarrassing injury, would you make up a story about how you did it or would you admit it? Because to them, it doesn't matter, right? They're going to treat you anyway, unless it contains some kind of important detail that they need to know.

Right. It doesn't really matter. So what would your approach be? Would you front up? Would you go, look, listen, I'll put the rest of them, figure out my ass. I don't know what I was doing, but it just happened.

Or would you say, no, because you know, you hear stories about people who just make up elaborate lies because they're so embarrassed. It's not, it's not, it's not a story.

If I go, I was feeling horny for the junkyard dog. I needed him up my bum. Like what? Like, that's not a story. If I sort of pretended I was in my child's uh bedroom and i slipped like that's a story because i've done a lie and that makes the doctor's lives better

in many ways so look if you just come in and and and you might have chopped all your fingers off uh or i don't know like it got a bad bruise on your neck just go i wasn't trying to have sex with anything and then they'll think what's he't trying to have sex with anything. And then they'll think, what's he been trying to have sex with? And then they'll have a good day because they'll be just spending all of the time going, what's he tried to have sex with that he's got a horse? He's been kicked in the neck by a horse? Confusing.

It also depends on the type of region. Support your NHS. Give them something to talk about. Morally support the NHS. Thinking about the NHS's morale. when I was once in A&E I was I had a broken wrist right and I fell off a climbing frame, I was only about 10

and I broke my wrist and I went in there and it was probably like a Saturday or something so it was really busy, I can't really remember and I didn't get seen straight away, I had to wait and I was with my mum and then a guy came in with his son, who was about my age. And the son came in hopping, right? And he had his foot, which was quite badly burned.

And what his dad had done is put a clear sandwich bag over it and tied it off at the top, I guess because he wanted to stop it getting infected. Get the moisture in. And the kid was hopping along with it. And I promise you, this is the thing. You don't think about this. It was the most horrific thing I'd ever seen in my life

because the kid was like my age and it was really awful. And your parents don't prepare you for that. They just go, we're going to take you to the A&E. They don't say, by the way, you might see a dead person or something. They just say, this is the prepare you for that. They just go, we're going to take you to the A&E. They don't say, by the way, you might see a dead person or something. They just say, this is the best place for you, but I feel like there should be more preparation for a kid to experience A&E.

You know what I mean? Take them to an abattoir first. Just tell them... Yeah, on the way. Yeah, on the way. You might see this, you might see this, and you might see this. An abattoir where they famously take dead people.

Well, it's similar blood and guts, isn't it? Like, if you open up a pig, you're going to see pretty much the same stuff that you open up a man, isn't it? Yeah, I guess you're the same. You take that to the bank, put that on my gravestone. Turns out, just like a pig inside. Imagine if the eulogy said that. And we must not forget that peter was ostensibly

yeah a pig inside he was you know yeah and that's anatomically peter was a pig i'm gonna get one of those intel inside stickers that you used to see on pen-tube computers back in the day. They were like pig guts inside. Delicious. Just stick it on your rib cage. Yeah, exactly. Have you ever been to A&E? What happened the last time you were in A&E?

Oh, I got a bit of wry neck, didn't I? I woke up, thought my head was going to fall off. I was like, whoa! What the hell is wry neck? I've never heard of it. It's like the rest of Ryback, but no. It sounds like a red neck. Wry neck is like a sprain

of the neck which sounds weak it sounds like the sort of reason that Jim would go to A&E because he's a bit of a hypochondriac

as Jim bless him I love him a lot but he is and his like I've not hit Jim's neck very much my neck

I walk up and something went pop and my neck was over and it genuinely i was crying in pain it was the most painful thing i've ever experienced and i i'd never had neck pain really uh and i was just and so i'd sort of and and you felt it come in waves you knew the pain was coming and it would just come and it would i would just be screaming like screaming tears my eyes crying um and yeah got in got in an uber and uh went over an unbelievable amount of speed

bumps um uh and and and what does the uber driver do well look i've got i think it's out of order doing that he could have got i don't care whether it's a hybrid engine or not you don't hear tech doors at speed give me 15 miles an hour and I can brace myself don't go over 20, 25 you've been out of order there because you've you've essentially bestowed upon him the responsibility for an injured man

did you put in the notes beforehand? I bet you didn't put in the notes by the way I've got a really bad injury I'm going to the hospital because he's going to run a mile you shouldn't do that he's employed to drive that's it

well the worst thing is when I got to the bloody A&A the guy just took one look at me and went right neck you've sprained your neck I was like okay he goes

I can give you one valium but I can't give you any more than that just take well that's what that was the thing I went and rolled the bloody speed bumps and I had loads at home I got off the internet for going to Japan you any more than that. Just take... Well, that's the thing! I went all wrong with the bloody speed bumps and I had loads at home

going, well, I got off the internet for going to Japan. Oh, no. And I was sort of mentoring a doctor inexplicably. What?

For what? My mate works for the... For what? My mate works for the annoyance in your voice. You can't even hide it. It's disgusting. What are you mentoring him about?

An accident and emergency doctor. He was trying to do a podcast. And so my friend works for the kind of space age wing of the NHS. And so I was mentoring him to how to make a podcast effectively this doctor guy and he did say that he did listen to a couple of Lucas features when I admitted I bought some value my feet you chose to but are you just be mentored by this this valium addicted idiot you don't need to shout. You can't tell me off. I didn't come into your waiting room and go, help.

He's probably thinking, he's probably thinking if my boss puts two or two together, all of a sudden I'm doing something with Pete about podcasts and now he's got loads of value in his house, he's probably going to think it's a payment in kind and he's going to get busted for it. He's such a good bloke as well. There's something very calming about talking to people who have, like,

you know, have got a vocation and are really bloody good at their jobs. It's something very calming. We don't run into many of them in our discipline, do we? And why on earth was he wanting to do a podcast? Was it just about the NHS or what? Just about like emerging technologies, you know, VR in healthcare and, you know,

remote doctoring and stuff like that. It was a very, very interesting podcast. I'll link it if he's still doing it. If I have not the stuff in that one.

On that, people are listening going, what's Pete going to tell people about podcasts? You hate our one. Right, let's get out of here. We're back on Thursday with another episode of Luke and Pete's show. Pete will not have taken the driving test again by then because he is on a 10-day long off period.

So maybe in a couple of weeks' time, we'll have some more news on that front. Pete, is that right? Earliest booking I could get now is October, so it might be a while. You've properly messed it up. Properly messed it up. Imagine tonight, isn't it?

It's nine being me, isn't it? Being a fucking idiot. I'll pass mine in 1999. Good. September 11th, disrespectful, doesn't matter. This is the end of the pitch, you're confusing. We'll be back on Thursday

for more of this shite. Bye bye. See you then. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the acast creative network