The Luke and Pete Show - The Judder Child

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

Hello! We’re delighted to bring you a brand new episode of The Luke and Pete Show on this fine bank holiday Monday! On today’s show, we’re talking breakfasts, a clandestine plot involving an e-gamer and a racing driver, and the beauty of a curry. Plus Pete’s hatching a new business plan involving takeaway pints and Luke tells a story about when he first smoked a cigar. Also coming up, we hear from a listener who had a particularly big day out in the 90s which involved consuming copious amounts of Metz, and we’ve got a hot take on doorstep nappies from a postman.  Send us your favourite examples of songs being used inappropriately, or just get in touch to say hi at [e-mail]! **Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or your preferred podcast provider. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Put your hands on the car and prepare to die. It's the Luke and Pete show. My name is Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Luke Moore. Forgot to click record there. Just seems to be the way things are going. It's a lovely hot day outside and my brain is overheated. You haven't even got a car, so I don't know why you're saying that.

What do you mean? Put your hands on the car. What car? Oh, yeah, exactly. Good point. I'm referencing that crazy man who was the producer of, I think it was like BBC kind of nature programs. i remember when he went crazy on the motorway and tried to do oh yes i forgot about that that's a very very good reference very niche but i remember that it was david it was david attenborough's um executive producer i think yeah he was really hands on the car and prepare to die it just makes me

it just it just that that kind of impudent impotent kind of rage of, of, of the, of the, of the older British man who, you know, invariably has it his own way until he gets on the motorway and realizes there's other people around him. It just gets very upset. Thanks to everyone who, who sent in the Twitter of, what is the charge? A trip to Durham? A succulent trip to Durham?

Because they came in in their thousands this week, which is very enjoyable. It was so good. Very, very enjoyable. It really was something else. What have you been up to, Peter? Not been to Durham, mate. I've not been, no, I've not been, I haven't

had a a string of paparazzi outside my house i've not had the daily mail criticize me uh i am the svengali of stakhanov productions obviously this kind of shadowy uh oh my god if a daily mail knew about your lifestyle they would absolutely criticize it it's more of a communication problem than a kind of moral judgment no i think my No, I think my perversions are quite old school. I think they'd probably, you know, there's nothing they haven't, they won't have heard before in the newsroom, to be quite frank. They would call you a confirmed, in quotes, a confirmed bachelor, though. Bachelor. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

We don't just sort of say the word bachelor at the same time there. And we're not even in the same room. Fantastic. One of the things about the old Dominic Cummings or as Tim Key, one of my favourite comedy characters, he's not a character, he's a real person, but you know what I mean, calls him the cum dog, is that, you know that stuff about the neighbours kind of harassing, well, not really harassing,

but shouting at him in quite an English plight way, like shouting things like, shame on you, you are a hypocrite, right? Which for me isn't really up there with the Rosa Parks incident of really seismic protest. Everyone on there, there was a sizable amount of people. I don't know whether it was just people complaining about the very idea of it, but there were a lot of kind

of right-wing kind of thinkers who think that the abuse that he's been getting is akin to Caroline Flack's abuse for example so that was quite big on Twitter well it's not is it because he's literally he's literally the person who makes up the rules for yeah and also I mean but one thing I wanted to say about it is that well there's a couple of things one is that if that were me inserting myself into the Dominic Cummings role here and I got back to my street and everyone who lives around me is really lovely and I know we know our neighbors around here quite a lot quite well uh if they were all like that to me I think that would probably be the most powerful thing I think I would probably cry when I got home so don't underestimate me beanie he might

have been friends with those guys up until a couple of days ago that could be very powerful and and um and secondly the one thing that's really interesting as well is pointed out by my lovely lady wife, who's obviously American, and she is fascinated by the British idea of rules and how much in Britain we love rules. And she was saying to me yesterday, what's the big thing here? And I said, well, basically... What's the beef?

Yeah, the guy who's made the rules has broken the rules. She was like, oh, you British, you love your rules. This wouldn't be a thing in America. People don't want it in America. I was like, yeah, you're probably right there. But it is quite funny how the only thing he could have done, Dominic Cummings, worse than this, in the eyes of the British public, is to perhaps push into some kind of queue at the post office.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or order a Guinness last. Yeah, at the pub, order a Guinness last. Yeah, absolutely. Or give way for someone in the street, in the car, and not say thank you when he drives through. Or upset you with an online picture of his breakfast or cooked breakfast. Well, listen, I'll let people behind the curtain here.

Laura Kirk of Revisiting Fame, and also occasionally of the luke and pete show parish um has this thing where she she basically messages me with pictures of her food or and then tweets it or whatever and she essentially i mean she will probably deny this but she essentially invites her twitter pile on because she just loves it and so right well i'm cast as the dominant Cummings in this situation, if you like, as the bad guy, but actually it's all done with perfect consent. So you're not looking, I mean, you could easily just leave your cushy Stakhanov job and work in the private sector and still advise the Stakhanov company, but make more money.

So you're not looking to kind of hide from your responsibilities. You're basically fronting up to the opinions you have about other people's breakfasts. Oh, Pete, if you were to offer me a job where I don't have to do this every day, but I can still consult for more money, I mean, we should definitely talk. I mean, I'm happy to sit down and talk about that. That's absolutely no problem at all, mate. Let me know when it works for you. That's fine. Well, I've taken out some loans. I've taken out should definitely talk. I mean, I'm happy to sit down and talk about that. That's absolutely no problem at all, mate.

Let me know when it works for you. That's fine. Well, I've taken out some loans. I've taken out some COVID loans. Yeah. Tell your fans that. Yeah, Le Kirk, in particular, she is a very healthy woman, and yet she seems to eat the worst food.

It's very confusing. She's got a weird streak in her where she, for some reason, appears to really, like, for those listening who don't know who we're talking about, we're talking about Laura Kirk from Luke and Pete's show when Pete was away about two months ago. And she does a show called Revisiting, which is also a Stakhanov show. She's great. She does it with Laura Gallop, who's also great,

and you should listen to it. But she's very, very well educated, very clever, in my opinion, a brilliant broadcaster, for some reason appears to have the um culinary taste of like an eight-year-old it's very very strange like she'll basically go ah cooked up an amazing dinner tonight and you'll think okay you're an upwardly mobile you know kind of successful young professional what you going for is that sausages beans and waffles because that's what it looks like. Why are you doing that?

It's just weird how often she seems to do that sort of thing. I always think if you can draw a recognisable picture of your breakfast, it's not a good breakfast. Or if you can draw a recognised picture. If someone draws a waffle, it's really easy to draw a waffle. It's really easy to draw like on a smiley face potato cake. It's really easy to draw chips. Fried egg.

Things that are more difficult, paella. Paella is more easy to draw chips fried egg things that are more difficult paella paella is more difficult to draw is that the rule is it oh by the way speaking yeah do you remember um ex um uh tranmere and liverpool forward john aldridge right i do yes he the pomanzian rush he posted yeah absolutely absolutely. He posted a picture of a breakfast that his mother made for him and everyone piled on that, said it was disgusting. Someone said at one point, did you puke that sausage? His mother's probably about 80. No, this is the story.

Someone posted a comment saying, did you puke that sausage back up because you realised you forgot to take a photo of it? And then he replied saying, thanks you puke that sausage back up because you realised you forgot to take a photo of it? And then he replied saying, thanks very much. My mother's 90 and partially blind and you've just made her cry. Oh, no. One, why are you showing all those comments, John? What kind of son are you?

That's just horrible. Like, I mean, for a million different reasons, that's just horrible. Why is that happening in the world? John Orange is very much to blame on that one, I would say. Go on. Sorry, Lukey. I've been eating a lot of vegetarian sausages

and I've decided that vegetarian sausages... It wouldn't matter. They're vegetarian, aren't they? I hope. I'd be annoyed if I got food poisoning off eating a raw vegetarian sausage. Mind you, could they not be like vegetarian sausages? Because they could be counted as like protein pouches

for a busy muslin man on the go. Because they're just mushrooms and protein, aren't they? Yeah, I don't really know what's in them. Herbs. There's a lot of herbs. Yeah. But they're really nice. I've not eaten a proper sausage in like bloody ages. So well done the old veggie sausages.

Linda McCartney? You've got me hooked. Are you a Linda McCartney man? No, just Tesco's. I've tried Tesco's. I've tried Marks and Spencer's. Tesco's, well better. Because the Marks and Spencer's ones,

the only ones that have got weird long hot doggy ones. Right. They don't fit in the bread. I don't really eat bread anyway. It's a disaster. I added mushrooms. I don't really eat bread anyway. It's a disaster. But I mean, I added mushrooms. I added relish. I added onions

and also some onion relish as well. And the coup de gras was some crushed up Doritos. Thank you very much. Oh my God. I knew there was going to be a kicker in there somewhere. I knew you were going to

let me down at some point. I had to go to Waitrose the other day because I couldn't get into Sainsbury's because the queue was too long. It's like a Libertine song. I know, yeah. I was about to say a shit Libertine song, but that wouldn't

narrow it down. One thing I would say about Waitrose, my family always had to mickey out me for going to Waitrose when I go there, which isn't very often because they say it's really expensive for no reason, et cetera. But they do do an essentials range, which is very, very competitive. And they have some amazing things in there

that you don't really see anywhere else. Like, for example, I know it's expensive and I know it's a bit of an indulgence, but I'm fairly certain you don't get Wagyu beef burgers in like Sainsbury's and Tesco. You do get them in Waitrose. And if you want to treat yourself, you can do that. And it's like an amazing thing to be able to do as an option, is what I'm saying.

You also don't get them... You also get them in Iceland. When Iceland released... You get some products that have delusions of grandeur, you would say. My mum, whenever

there's anything like that, Wagyu beef burgers in Iceland, my mum will always text me saying get yourself down iceland you like japan you you love wagyu beef pete um and it's like it won't be like wagyu beef it'll just be a cow that's seen another cow that happens to be in a particular cafe it's not it's not actual but are there legal restrictions donnie on whether you can call it wagyu or not because Because, for example, certain cheeses, certain other food products, they have to be manufactured in a certain place in a certain way to be given that title, right? So is that the same with Wagyu beef?

Yeah, there's gradings in Wagyu. Yeah, that's right. In Wagyu, so A5 is the best going down. So by the time you get to – it will be Wagyu beef, but it will be in the same way that Watford's on the underground. G7. Zone D or something.

Yeah, okay, right. But anyway, so that's my supermarket chapter now. That's why I'm posh. But I saw a story that you'd like, I thought you'd really love, Pete. It broke, I think, I say it broke, it didn't exactly break. It came to light, shall we say, yesterday, among some other news stories that you may have seen. So one was kind of lost in the uh in the mix-up is that um this is good formula e driver daniel apt was disqualified in order to pay 8 900 pounds to

charity for getting a professional gamer to compete under his name in an official esports race oh that's clever i did not take it as serious as seriously as i should have he said i'm especially sorry about this because i know how much work has gone into this project i'm aware that my offense is a bitter aftertaste but it was never meant with any bad intention so he didn't want to lose he didn't want to lose face as a as a professional racing driver uh so he got a professional... This is the great thing about it, Pete. Here's the kicker. Absolutely right to pick up on that angle. Listen to the final sentence in this news story.

Right. XF1 driver, Stoffel Van Doorn, who was involved in the race as well, suspected Abt was not driving and French racer Jean-Eric Vergne asked for the German to turn his video on in the race as well, suspected Abt was not driving, and French racer Jean-Eric Vergne asked for the Germans to turn his video on in the next race so they could confirm it was him. I love it. He's a professional.

And they're going, there's no way he's this good. This is fucking bullshit. I've seen him race. He's dreadful. Get the video on him. Oh, that's brilliant. I love that. Because obviously, like, you could probably work that out

from, like, IP addresses. Because he's clearly got a professional gambit to be him, giving him the login details or whatever. And, like, chances are they're not in the same house. So, therefore, like, he might be in, I don't know where that guy comes from, hails from, but say it's Germany. Like, he's, you know, employing a South Korean kid to drive for him at, like, three in the morning or something.

Turn your camera on how do you find him yeah yeah how do you yeah how do you know f xf1 driver looking for excellent um professional yeah i don't know yeah and also you sort of think a that offer would be too good to be true for any kind of professional e-gamer you'd need to get hold of their agent i guess it just seems it seems like a lot of um kind of ways that this could kind of fall down-gamer. You'd need to get hold of their agent, I guess. It just seems like a lot of kind of ways that this could kind of fall down. And also, like, these simulations that people have, if you've got, like, the right steering wheels and stuff,

these are pretty realistic. I remember doing a... Not that realistic, but you'd think you'd be a bit better at it. Because, I mean, the more... Every step that makes it as realistic as possible in terms of racing driving, he should be better at it. Well, so I did, just before Christmas, Google Stadia is like a kind of a remote video game

kind of system launched by Google. And kind of, you know, Google got so much money, they launched these kind of little projects. And to the gaming world, it seemed like the biggest thing in the world. But to Google, obviously, it's a fingernail on a fingernail of some long lost marketing budget they don't really give a shit about but um we did we put nico rosberg up against a professional certainly youtuber who basically is professionally driving guy um and obviously so he's one of the best in his class

driving us up but nico rosbergberg, just on a joypad, managed to beat him, I think, three out of three times. Wow. And this is like a game Nico Rosberg had never played before on a course that Nico Rosberg wasn't familiar with, and he managed to beat him, I seem to recall. So there are transferable skills, but as long as you know, yeah. So if you just know how to drive a car like a motherfucker,

like you can absolutely whip anyone's ass because you've obviously done that in real life and these simulations are just so bloody good nowadays. How did you perform when you were hosting it, Pete? Did you do many goodness me's or? I was, there were precious few goodness me's. I did have a whole good like two pages of uh of one flowing script that i'd learned and then i got on set and they said they changed it and i was like i can't do the changes in my mind um but i had i was interviewing nico rosberg while i was

playing the game and you couldn't see from the screen but my car was just constantly ramming like really slight smashing into the sides because you couldn't do from the screen, but my car was just constantly ramming, like really smashing into the sides. Because you couldn't do two things at once. No. Nico, so what do you think of Bird Stadium? Nico Rosberg is a very, if you check out any of his YouTube, or he does a podcast himself, I do believe,

he doesn't do many of them because he's lazy, but he is a very good presenter. He's this man who obviously grew up in, I think, in Monaco. He did, yeah. He's from a very weird background. He's Finnish-German kind of. His dad was a famous, obviously, Formula One driver as well. So he's always had money and he just drips with it.

Absolutely drips with it. He'd just come back from Cuba when I chatted to him. I said, oh, how was Cuba? How was Varadero? How was Havana? And he said, he went, the shops were terrible. It's like, he wanted like a Prada, kind of like, he wanted to go shopping in like these malls.

Do you know what Cuba is? Do you know why they're driving in those old cars, mate? Yeah, yeah. Because there's a reason for that. It's like basically growing up in the Taj Mahal, going to Portsmouth and going, no, the architecture's not very nice around here. Yeah, well, to be expected, Nico.

Let's be absolutely fair. Cuba's not really known for that. It's known for a lot of other stuff that you might find interesting. It's completely passed him by. I love that. You can probably get a pretty decent curry in Portsmouth, though.

Don't you think? To be honest, the best curry I've had is, depressingly enough, and as cliched and as eye-roller as it sounds, is in London. Right, okay, yeah. So I know Birmingham's well known for it, and I've not been fortunate enough to travel to that part of the world, so I couldn't talk to you about the local delicacies and stuff.

But yeah, the best curry I've had has been in London, really. Yeah, Leicester. Leicester, so you bring your own beer, lovely old job. The best ones, and you could apply this to pizza as well, the best ones sit light on your stomach. Don't sit too heavy. That's the key, I think.

Best pizza's like that. It doesn't blow you up with carbs. I only go to, I only eat Indian food just for the excuse of having mango chutney and that yoghurt stuff. Oh, man, I love it. Oh, yeah.

I've got some of that in my fridge at the moment, actually. Oh, my goodness. Because our curry place opened for delivery again last week. Hey, that's great news. So we indulged on Saturday. Yeah, it was brilliant. I'll tell you what I love. I absolutely love a bhaji.

Yeah, okay. What do they look like? Oh, yeah, like an onion bhaji. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also known as a pakora also known as a something else isn't it what's it a pakora is what i've heard it called no other other than a pakora isn't there another word for it what's a samosa where does a samosa end in a pakora start well no so a samosa is like a little pastry package with uh spiced meat and vegetables

or one of the other and a bhaji is like a low shredded onion. Oh, yeah. It's like brown. It's like dark brown, isn't it? Yeah. It's a deep fried. Yeah, yeah. I reckon I could probably eat 15 of them in a row.

I love a bhaji. I absolutely just love it. My hands would stink after one onion. That will sit heavy on your stomach for crying out loud. Big time. Speaking of things that are opening up, apparently down the road there's a nightclub that's reopening, according to one of our colleagues, a nightclub that's opening down my road for take-out beers, take-out drinks.

Yeah, I saw a lot of those. I was allowed to go into the TalkSport studio now at London Bridge, but I have to drive and I parked up on Friday. And as I was walking from the car to the studio, I saw a load of people out. Basically, it was essentially like, it says I'll take away beers, but it's essentially like a pub garden.

I was actually quite surprised seeing it, seeing so many people there. Because it's right in the centre of London, so I don't really know what people are doing there. Maybe they're about to go into their office or whatever. Soho's like, Soho's starting to get back on its feet.

I noticed the, I'm going to say knock and shop, the old, the old, the old, How do you socially distance in there?

I know, yeah. I mean, How do you do it, Pete? The brothel, the brothel had a door, it's a full body condom. Like naked gun. Yeah, exactly.

Had the front door open. I was like, bloody hell, that's risky, isn't it? But then, again, you've got clubs handing out beers. The place where I watched Sweden versus England in the last international tournament has opened up for takeaway drinks, and also they've got seats laid out, but they're really far away. So this cafe this british cafe culture is is coming back we don't have a lot

of it in in the center of town but soho's coming back i think it's just just going to be one big kind of pride level street party where we're going to try and socially distance but we can't because it's too small so what i'm thinking of doing is just getting like... Exactly. Exactly. But I think, I mean, I'm definitely good. I should definitely buy like a load of cans and just be the guy who in Old Cotton Street just kind of lowers down a basket full of cold cans for everybody. That'd be perfect.

Little sideline. Just drink them yourself, you attention-seeking bellend. I'd sell them. No, I'd be selling them your bellend. How much? You equally side bellend. I'd sell them. No, I'd be selling them your bellend. How much? You equally sized bellend. Well, more than... Well, as capitalism would dictate, more than what I paid for them. All right, well, just

as long as you're not a fodder tax man, there's no problem with me. Oh, let's move on. Let's have a break. Let's have a break. Are you struggling to find something to watch during lockdown? You've drained Netflix, re-watched all your old favourites, and now you need something new? Well, we're here to help.

Join us for Clash of the Titles, the podcast where two movies with something in common go head-to-head in a fight to the death. Release the Kraken. Well, not death. We just decide which one is better. When they do a long shot of the crowd in the ivory tower, it's different to the close-up. And if you look closely, you can see E.T., Mickey Mouse, Chewbacca, Ewoks, and C-3PO.

So when Wolfgang Peterson went to Spielberg and went, yeah, could you maybe re-edit my movie? Steven Spielberg went, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I'm probably going to cut out? A f***ing T, mate. I made that. Find your new favourite movie or revisit an old classic with me, Alex Zane, Vicky Crompton and Chris Tilley.

New episodes out every Monday and Thursday. Clash of the Titles is a Stakhanov production. And we're back with the law and tax abiding Pete Donaldson and Luke Moore. To be fair, I could have had a holiday with the old tax, but I paid it, didn't I? So I couldn't be arsed with the admin of cancelling the direct debit. So I'm a good boy. I did my entire tax return in that ab break. Did you? Good, Luke.

Yeah. So basically, you could have cheated the tax amount and gone on holiday, but you didn't and you want some kind of credit for that. Is that what you're saying? No, I could have taken a tax holiday in the UK or something.

You know what I mean? Oh, that's what you mean. But I didn't because I couldn't be arsed with the admin. So I am propping up. It's that kind of back button that's keeping the country going. Good on you.

It is. I'm doing the right thing. Do you want an email then from steven first go on then uh he's emailing hello at luke and pete show.com uh yeah i don't know if his name's actually steven first but he is certainly steven and he's certainly going first um he says hi lads um i'd like to say this is my first to kind of email but I've often sent through some old shite. So let's see if this one gets through. It has, Stephen, and well done to you. In response to Luke's comment on Football Ramble about the use of the vapors in any media situation

to denote Japan. So for those who haven't heard this, there was a film we watched where someone goes to Japan and they used the song Turning Japanese by the Vapors. And I said to Peter, who's a japanophile peter this does my head in because everyone knows this song is about wanking why are they always using it to depict japan and you said yeah there's a load of stuff that kind of stuff goes on all the time etc etc anyway so steven says i'd like to propose a new thread for the compete show and it

is inappropriate use of songs in TV and films. For my submission, I'd like to suggest Plastic Bertrand, S'a Plain Pour Moi. S'a Plain Pour Moi! Yeah, Genius, which is the lyric site, obviously, informs me that the lyrics translate into the protagonist being a general vagrant, having sex with a random woman, and finishing himself off on the carpet.

Oh, it's incredible. Given how many daytime adverts, Kellogg's cereal most recently, the song has been used for, it seems somewhat questionable. Did you read the lyrics that he provided a link? Okay, let's go. That babe was such a bitch. What a vibration. Coming on the doormat.

You are the king of the D-van, she says to me inormat you are the king of the divan she says to me in passing i am the king of the divan and the chorus being it's all working out for me it's all working out for me it's all working out for me me me me me it's all working out for me characteristically french i think i may say he's He's Belgian. Wasn't he famously Belgian? No, it is. I don't know. I know the song, but I don't know the artist,

but it sounds very French. It probably is Belgian. He looks very... So anyway, emailing... Sorry, Pete, just very quickly, emailing hello at

lukeandpetech.com for any songs that you've seen in TV or film that are hugely inappropriate. Enjoyable. This is the sort of email we probably have on the football round of the day, but we are doing it here. John Tunneley, the Mets Cup

final. Your mention of the silvery Alcopop Mets gave me a beautiful flashback to 1997 and a trip to Old Wembley to watch the mighty Borough complete their unique treble of losing two Cup finals and a relegation. Having paint in my face at a service station, I worked my way through four bottles of Mets

in a Swiss cottage beer garden. Face paint dripping and paws unable to breathe and feeling rather drunk on 90s alcohol pops and excitement, the barman asked my friend to escort me to the toilets. I argued that my bladder was content as it was, but my friends insisted and I was dragged to the toilet against my will. It turns out that the reason I was advised to go to the toilet

was that the police were in the vicinity and doing a scan of the pub, and me, being a mere 13 years old, the barman had done me a good one to avoid me being kicked out pub lockdown. I managed a couple more mets, still continuing to serve the young gentleman, cracking on before heading to Wembley. I remember nothing of the walk, finding my seat slash national anthem. I do, however, remember everything after the 42nd with Demeter's call.

The most sobering moment of my life. I've never seen a bottle of Mets since sent from my iPhone. Fantastic and poor chore from the barman who's serving a 13-year-old bottles of Mets for crying out loud. One thing that unites kind of

most of the majority of the American people I've met or who listen to our shows is the idea that in the UK people get drunk at such a young age. And I would say that 13 is young even for me. Young for schnapps. It's young for schnapps, isn't it? I mean, that is – I mean, Did he mention the email who he was with? I presume some friends from Borough.

It's irresponsible from the parents. Let's be absolutely clear. He's travelled down to Wembley at 13, unaccompanied and got pissed. I mean, that is pretty strong. In Swiss cottage. But I mean, I would say we've all been to Millsborough. Well, I don't know whether you have, but I certainly have.

And they're known as the smoggies for a reason. The air is thick with chemicals, so it probably never really sort of affects them in any way. The big controversy around Alcopops around that time, I remember, and I think it's why, you know, you don't really see as many of them anymore, I don't believe, is because they were essentially, it was being said that they were essentially being thinly veiled,

marketed to children, right? So, and they were being, I'm said that they were essentially being thinly veiled marketed to children right so yeah and they and they were being me i'm not saying this is that this is true but this is what was acute they were accused of of of kind of making them taste as little like alcohol as possible so that people could younger people could could basically tolerate them i remember that as a kid it was vaping for the 90s generation wasn't it is that i was that right that's interesting so that's the comparison people will draw now, is it? Well, everything's like bubblegum flavoured and stuff, isn't it? Right, okay.

New vapes. When we were kids getting involved in alcohol for the first time, I was a bit older than 13, by the way, but it was all cider or Alka-Pops wherever possible because we didn't really like the taste of beer despite what you told your friends, right? No. Warm stubbies in the garage with your mate who's got a garage i would uh that was kind of like my my gateway drug

but yeah mets's and uh reefs anything a little bit colorful and aggressive we'd uh we'd be hammering down there but there that said in the northeast i think certainly in harleypool the the the lads had to get on the newcastle brown quite early just to show that they were proper blocks and and even now like it's a heavy old beer like if you have four of them that's you're on the Newcastle Brown quite early just to show that they were proper blokes. And even now, it's a heavy old beer. Like, if you have four of them, you're on the way to problem town. To poo-poo town. To poo-poo town. I remember when I was one of the first times I got drunk

was at a friend of mine's aunt and uncle's house on New Year. I think it was on New Year. And they were, I i mean wealthy like properly compared to compared to us at the time i mean wealthy and they had a big house and had a swimming pool in it and i remember thinking it was not the best thing ever and um but there was just so many people at this party it was absolutely impossible for the adults to keep on top of what the kids were doing and all the beer was being kept out at the bottom of the garden um or some of it was and we just got tucked in.

There was no one to stop us. Those moments have been so exciting. It's also the same friend who, me and him, found a cigar from one of his dad's collections. His dad was a Navy man. He had these cigars. And we smoked a cigar at the bottom of the garden, right? And we got in trouble for that because, obviously,

it absolutely stank and it's impossible to get away with it but i remember at the time i must have been 14 i remember thinking but this is absolutely how could anyone enjoy this because it is the most acrid foul most disgusting thing ever and not and the testament to that was just that two 14-year-old lads who probably would have rather died than admitted anything not being tough, even though we weren't. There was no bones about it. This is disgusting. What are we doing? This is absolutely ridiculous.

I don't understand the whole point of cigars and cigarettes. The whole point of tobacco is you get it into your bloodstream so you can enjoy the the feelings of of the nicotine stuff but like the i mean cigars you just you don't even inhale them so you just inhale it you're just getting them through the blood vessels like under your tongue and stuff so like i don't understand why that's a i can't figure it out it's too strong it's too strong to actually inhale and use like an actual cigarette so what is the point of them yeah it's just about the taste and the flavor i think and i don't think there's anything more to it than that as far as i'm aware i mean they're very high in nicotine

but i don't think you get it in your system properly and obviously no one in houses and stuff so yeah it must just be the flavor it's probably one of those things like um scotch and wine where you can detect different notes of flavour and everything. But I mean, ironically, in cigars, it's almost completely pointless because it will absolutely destroy your taste buds, I expect. You do enough of them, yeah. Do you want a quick one rounding up the nappies on doorsteps debate from last week? Yeah, this is from Christian. I saw this one.

This is interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Luke and Pete. Regarding the listener whose neighbours nappies keep being left on the front doorstep, I'm a postman and I see this all the time. Nappies left on doorsteps. Pete, these people don't have issues.

They're just effing lazy. I've got two kids. Never not put a nappy straight into the bin. After all, who wants a fox dragging their kid's shitty nappy around the neighbourhood? Cheers, Christian. I didn't realise this was a big thing. I didn't either.

Having kids is difficult, but I didn't realise that was a big thing. I didn't either. Having kids is difficult, but I didn't realise that was a thing. You just put it on your doorstep. Surely, do you not keep the nappies in the house? Like in a bag? Like a food bin or something? I don't know. Not in a food bin. I think the general consensus is you time

off and you throw them away, right? I mean, that's why there's a big debate about how bad it is for the environment because back in the day, of course, probably even when we were babies, Pete, our parents used to have those toweling-type reusable nappies, didn't we? Yeah, I think I did at any point, but I remember,

I think if we were a little bit older, my mum would have definitely done that. But then you've got the detergent cost. What's the story about that? Yeah, but I mean... The detergent cost and the washing. about that yeah but i mean the washing you do but i mean that's i don't think i mean i'm not an environmental expert but i don't think that's anywhere near as severe as the like millions and millions of probably mostly plastic based shitty nappies filling up landfill um but i think generally speaking you you have to you have to throw away away. I'm all for being sympathetic towards parents,

and I know enough people to know how hard it must be. I can empathise, though I don't have children myself. I'm not giving them a pass on not chucking dating nappies away. I mean, come on. You have to do it. You've got to do it. It's part of it. It's not even the hardest part of it. I feel guilty when I've got a full bin bag. I feel guilty leaving it my the outside because i will

have a shared kind of um uh walkway to get to the outside which is where obviously you put the but the bins but um i occasionally if i'm in a hurry i'll put it outside for five minutes and and i always like it's it's a bin bag all tied up so there's no smelling or anything and and my bin is so small i've got empty every two days anyway so nothing ever smells but even putting outside for 10 minutes i feel a little conscious yeah and i think it comes down to the very idea of chores in the household right so um i always take the bins out and i always take the recycling out it's kind of my job mimi doesn't like doing it fair enough it's a bit of a trek because you've got to go down the stairs and sometimes it can be a bit heavy etc i'm happy to do it

on the other hand when i make the bed, it's passable, but certainly no more than that. When Mimi makes the bed, it looks like a hotel room. So she always makes the bed because it's just much nicer. So there's a kind of division of labor there. I like it. Find your rhythm with your loved one, so to speak. Troy, end this sorry affair with the guy, Luke?

Yeah, let's get rid of it. Let's get rid of it, mate. Let's get rid of it. Let's get rid of it, mate. Let's get out of it. Let's kill it. Let's put it out of his misery. This has been the Luke and Pete show for a bank holiday

Monday, the 25th of May. We don't really do bank holidays and broadcasting, so we have to keep reminding ourselves, but it is a bank holiday today. I hope you enjoyed

the rest of it and I hope you enjoy tomorrow and Wednesday as well. We'll be back on Thursday with another episode of this. This was a Luke and Pete show. Do get in touch with us. Hello at Luke and Pete show.com to let us know what you've been up to, particularly if you've got any examples of songs being used inappropriately in TV or film.

That's it. We'll speak to you next time. Cheers, Peter. it we'll speak to you next time cheers peter this was a staccato production