The Luke and Pete Show - The least trusted haircut
Episode Date: September 13, 2021The chaps are back with another round of nonsense, but they start with the big one - what is the least trusted haircut? As well as that, Pete discovers the Milk Crate Challenge just 20 weeks after it ...all started, decides he'd quite like to be a taxi driver at some point, and gives us all his theories on sea sickness.There's also time for your stories as well, and one of them involves a quite awkward conversation around not deleting one's browsing history. Consider yourselves warned.Let's hear from you, too! Get in touch with us here: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Still living like that!
Turn the aircon off!
That's the intro, so we should get straight into it.
It's the Luke and Pete show.
I'm just going to show you my stocks.
I've got a stocks and shares ISA.
Nice!
A very modest sum.
And let me tell you, my investments, just look at the reds.
Look at the reds everywhere.
I don't even need to see the numbers.
The red colour just tells me everything I need to know.
Here's my hit.
So imagine this is MSNBC.
I've got like a rolled up white shirt and a tie and maybe a tie clip.
And I'm going, guys, don't buy Expedia,
High Tide, Helium One Global, Thunder Bridge 3,
which I thought sounded a bit like Mad Max.
They've all fucking tanked.
Online blockchain, waste of money.
A lot of them.
Yeah.
There we go.
I hope they're not sponsored by any of them, are we?
Because that might also be what's tanked here.
With any luck.
With any luck we are and were.
Yeah.
I don't think the sponsors listen.
We're all kinds of derring-doing nonsense.
I agree.
I think you're right.
And in this thought experiment where I'm imagining you on MSNBC with your sleeves rolled up, have you still got the ponytail?
I think people would find the ponytail untrustworthy.
And in fact, I was with a...
Most untrustworthy haircut. You're saying ponytail on a man of 40? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Are the ponytail untrustworthy. And in fact, I was with a... Most untrustworthy haircuts?
Are you saying ponytail on a man of 40?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Are you doing it on purpose?
Like emo hair as well.
Other mistrusty haircuts.
Man from Manchester in his 40s with an Ian Brown do.
Oh, yeah.
Or one of those feathered lead singer of the Jam Jobs.
Yeah, I've got huge opinions on the whole mod hair scene.
Awful.
Oh, mate.
You've just summed it up in one word.
Awful.
I've got nothing else to say now.
Just awful.
I think it's a...
This is my personal opinion.
And some of our international listeners are going to have to look this up.
But they can do that.
My personal opinion is it's a terrible look anyway.
Right, yeah, okay, yeah.
But there's something
particularly,
I'm going to say tragic,
about the idea
that they're projecting
that they're just
holding onto it
far too long.
So Paul Weller's hair
has never looked worse.
I'm being serious.
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree.
There's nothing wrong
with Paul Weller.
I know he's the mod father.
I know he's not
particularly to my taste,
but he's done what he's done and he deserves a huge amount of respect for what he's achieved. And he's still working. He's still There's nothing wrong with Paul Willer. I know he's the mod father. I know he's not particularly to my taste, but he's done what he's done
and he deserves a huge amount of respect
for what he's achieved.
And he's still working.
He's still working.
Nothing wrong with just getting your haircut
and just aging gracefully.
Yeah.
Age gracefully like Mick Jagger.
Who am I to say age gracefully?
What a pompous thing to say.
You guys need to age gracefully.
With your football podcast.
People are listening to this
going what the fuck
is this guy talking about
have you seen this
they were talking about
puking piss and shit later
oh yeah
age gracefully Luke
walk into a studio
age 40 singing
here comes the hot stepper
it's a
no it's a
but I think we had
originally started off
talking about least
trusted haircuts
and I think that is
going to be up there
yeah I think so
it's skullet skullet yeah skullet's kind of just talking about least trusted haircuts. And I think that is going to be up there. Yeah, I think so.
Skullet?
Skullet.
Yeah.
Skullet's kind of just,
you've got a decision to make and you've not made it just yet,
I think that's fair to say.
But I was with a friend
who moved to New York,
moved to actually Modesto, California,
and then moved back to New York.
Doesn't matter.
Brought his family over a few weeks ago.
I've got international friends.
I've met people in chat rooms on the internet.
Just say it's your friend.
I argue.
Don't say where they lived.
It sounds impressive.
Literally my oldest friend.
How old is he?
But he went to America.
100.
90 years.
But he brought his little kid, and his little kid is a wonderfully lovely little girl.
She's very expressive, very precautious kind of lovely little girl.
Great news. She's got a strong
New York accent
which is amazing
nice
Uncle Peter
Uncle Peter
that's nice
and she says
why have you got
why have you got
your hair like that
why have you got
your hair in a ponytail
we've been told
that we're not to
talk to men
who have ponytails
good parenting
yeah but that wasn't
the parents
they didn't say that.
Right.
She'd just been told
at school or something
never to trust a man
with a ponytail.
It's confusing
for a child
of that age
if they're being taught
proper good robust
life advice like that
and the next thing that happens
is they meet you.
She also said
that I was going to have
a Chinese baby.
Okay.
It's just confusing.
Just very good. News to partner, to be honest.
So, perspective.
I was once with Bette, my niece, and she said quite loudly in a, where were we?
I think in a playground.
She pointed at an older lady and said,
Okuloke, that lady's got very yellow teeth.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, look. What's she out? She did, to be fair. But what I'm saying is the kids at that age have got very yellow teeth aww yeah well look
what's she out
she did to be fair
but you know
what I'm saying is
the kids like that age
have got no filter
have they
no no no
they haven't
absolutely no filter
so I like long hair
on a kid
a boy
you know what I mean
we're talking about
haircuts
it's a trend now
when kids
are like little skateboards
very very long hair
so our friend Rupert
both his boys
have got long hair.
It looks really cool.
But he's just making a couple
of South American footballers,
isn't he?
That's basically the look, isn't it?
I think he genuinely has given them
South American footballer names.
He has.
And he gets away with it.
I'd like to know from parents,
is it more difficult to manage?
I'm sure, presumably it is.
Bath time's a nightmare for kids.
We don't have kids.
We don't have to deal with that.
Well, kids, you don't have to wash their hair
they don't have a bath every night
do they
it's not bath time every night
but I
I eat once every
six months
I'm finding it very difficult
not to have knots in my hair
but I started using conditioner
turns out that's a thing
yeah
and that really gets rid of the knots
who knew
yeah I use a bit of conditioner sometimes
yeah
we would go for very different types
of shampoo you and I
well I was
I was growing
yeah I agree because yours is thinner and finer, I was growing, yeah, I agree.
Because yours is thinner
and finer.
But I was still growing
like weird dreadlocks.
I pulled out a big
dreadlock out of my hair
when I was on Wrestle Me
and Mark remarked
that I've been down
at the coast
for like three months.
Are you being fucking serious?
I had a little dreadlock
just artificially grown
in my hair.
Because you've done
a lot of stuff
over the years.
Yeah.
You would not put
a dead plot past me
I would think
no but well
I was going to say
that I think you know
it's easy to say
that you know
what other people
get up to
as a consenting adult
is their business
and on paper
that's absolutely right
and that's exactly
how I think
you should approach things
but you're happily
weighing on my decisions
no because I think
in practice
I've had to live with it
for a long time
and you know
they say about
people's plans
they don't survive the first contact with the enemy.
But I think I would probably draw the line
if you turned up with dreadlocks.
Yeah.
It was something that I explored when I was about 18
and I had long hair.
I was like, how do I turn these into dreadlocks?
Because the drummer from One Minute Silence
had some wonderful white guy dreadlocks.
I don't think white men should have dreadlocks.
I think it's fine.
Do you?
No.
Always terrible. Always terrible. I can think think white men should have dreadlocks. I think it's fine. Do you? No. Always terrible.
Always terrible.
I can think of the
bass player of the Levellers
who had committed to
his dreadlocks to be fair.
They were fucking massive.
That's their look though
isn't it?
That's very much their look.
I told you about my
encounter with him
at the Cambridge Folk Festival.
Yeah, you wouldn't
let him on stage.
I didn't know who he was.
You would have had
a good idea if the guy
had massive dreadlocks.
That guy's probably in
or surrounds himself with the levelers.
But the point is,
if he had surrounded himself with the levelers,
it doesn't mean he's got a right to be there.
Ironically, it was a bit of a leveler, wasn't it?
It was, definitely, yeah.
Luke, are you familiar with the Milk Crit Challenge?
Not really.
I've seen a bit of it on Instagram.
Yeah.
It's wonderful.
Explain to people what it is.
It's a big pyramid. Not really really pyramid, what would you call it?
Like a bar graph, it goes up and down, of ascending numbers of milk crates
and then descending numbers of milk crates, down to one, up to five, and then down.
So they're really wobbly and you've got to go over them?
You've got to clamber over them.
It looks really painful.
It looks really painful.
I've just so many sort of sprained wrists,
so many broken elbows,
so many smashed up knees.
Yeah.
Oh, it's got a lot.
It's got a lot in there.
It's a young person's game.
It's a young person's game.
You'd still have a go though,
wouldn't you?
I'd be frightened.
I still think I'm quite light on my feet,
but I'm really, really knotted for it.
You're definitely lighter on your feet than I am,
but I think that you would hurt yourself.
Yeah, no.
Anyway, what about it?
Well, some guy has basically, he's an intelligent chap,
Dr. Nimaia Mabry, an engineer from America.
He's basically just studied why the Mutt Crit Challenge
is a fool's errand
sort of speech.
Has anyone ever done it?
Oh yeah,
a few people have managed it
but it's very,
very difficult.
I mean,
I would say
out of all the videos
I've watched of the Milk Crit Challenge,
you know,
this is a thing that's,
you know,
probably about,
you know,
20 weeks old
but I'm just picking up on it
recently.
That's quite quick for me.
I'll be fucking,
how excited would I be
if I came in at that point?
You just discovered milk.
And yeah,
he just basically goes through
why they're so unstable,
why you shouldn't attempt it,
and why he's not going to attempt it.
So I won't play it out,
but it's well worth a watch.
Why You'll Fail the Milk Crate Challenge
is a Wired video.
Do you have,
is it a particular type of milk crate
they have in the US, right?
Because I've never seen those crates here.
Oh, I have.
You know what?
They're those milk crates
that you would have seen
back in the day for milk,
but also lemonade
that the milkman used to sell.
Or the tea man.
I used to work on the dairy section of Asda.
Oh, but that's all like big four-pinters,
isn't it?
Plastic.
Well, it's,
it's your one pint, your two pint, your four pint, your six pint, mate. Oh, right, okay. Yeah. Six pint? How big is that? Oh, but that's all like big four-pointers, isn't it? Plastic. Well, it's your one-pointer, your two-pointer, your four-pointer, your six-pointer.
Oh, right, okay.
Six-pointer?
Oh, yeah.
You would have seen a six-pointer.
It looks like slightly longer.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Anyway, my job used to be, it was awful because obviously I was 17
and all I wanted to do was go to the pub and I didn't want to get up early,
but I had to start at six.
You tell a 17-year-old that you've got to start at six,
that's harsh.
That's a staying up hour, isn't it?
Big time.
And anyway,
what you used to have to do is,
because the milk would be brought down
in the lorries overnight,
and so when you got to the big,
and this house was a big house though,
the big goods yard out the back,
I mean, it was massive,
and this lorry would be waiting there
and the guy would bring all the milk off and then you'd have to take it. And most of the time, because it was so and this lorry would be waiting there and the guy would bring
all the milk off
and then you'd have to
take it
and most of the time
because it was so early
in the morning
it would still be cool
enough for it to be
set out in the goods yard
but then you had to
put it in the fridge
then you had to bring
them to it
and there were these
metal trolleys
you've probably seen
them in the supermarket
and all you do actually
is you unhook the front
flap of the metal trolley
and you put the whole
metal trolley in
oh of course yes
so you don't have to
touch the milk
which is frequently
just burst but I'll tell you about my mate Lewis who works in the fruit and veg section also yes. So you don't have to touch the milk. No, no. Which is frequently just bust.
But I'll tell you about my mate Lewis,
who works in the fruit and veg section,
also started at six,
and we'd be the only two people there,
and he would spend all his time pelting me with fruit.
Yeah.
It would be like a fucking battlefield.
So that's whatever I think of
whenever I think of milk crates and milk stuff.
And sometimes you would be moving the milk in really quickly,
and it'd hit a bump in the goods yard
because it was really poorly concreted.
It just goes everywhere.
The whole thing would tip. Oh, Luke. It was pretty full on. It sounds very, it's a bit like the goods yard because it was really poorly concreted. It just goes everywhere. The whole thing would tip.
Oh, look.
It was pretty full on.
It sounds very,
it's a bit like Die Hard, isn't it?
Yeah.
Fraught with danger.
Yeah.
Working at Safeway
was the coolest job,
one of the coolest jobs I've had.
And working at Asda
was one of the hardest,
even though there were
similar supermarkets
literally across the road
from each other.
Do you think about
where your future lies, Luke?
Because I'm constantly worried
that everything's going to fall to shit
and I'm going to have to get a proper job.
And I just think...
Well, you wouldn't be able to do a proper job, though.
I would.
You wouldn't be able to do one.
What do you mean?
Well, I think there's loads of proper jobs
I could do.
Right.
And I can't think of any you could do.
Okay, fair do.
Because you wouldn't want to.
Not because you haven't got the talent
or because you're not clever.
No, no, but I have to.
You don't have to.
I can...
No, you'd be one of those geezers
who you just see cutting about.
The plastic bag.
Just cutting about.
Oh, so, hang on.
So my future is just homeless man.
Just homeless.
No one else will indulge me,
so just homeless man.
Okay, well, listen,
but do it another way then
because people will just think
I'm being harsh.
Okay, do it another way.
Give me three jobs that you'd quite like to do,
that are proper normal jobs, if you couldn't do this,
and I'll tell you straight away whether you could do them or not.
AV technician in a college.
Just setting up projectors.
They wouldn't have you.
What do you mean?
They wouldn't have you.
What do you mean?
I don't think you would...
Not CRB checked.
No, CBT?
Which one is it?
I can't remember.
What's the moped one?
What's the moped one?
Give me that one.
Yeah.
But you wouldn't like the hours.
Regular hours.
Right.
You wouldn't like that.
What do you mean?
Reporting into people that you don't like.
You wouldn't like that.
Yeah, but reporting in.
Like, I just have my own little section.
I'm the AV technician.
You would spend all your time being brilliant at AV tech, but you would tell everyone you
were shit at it.
And you wouldn't last very long.
Right, okay.
Next one.
Oh, God.
Taxi driver.
Now I can drive.
Get him in the back of the Fiat, covered in dog hair.
You're so buzzed that you've recently passed your test.
You think you'd be good at that, but I don't think you would.
You wouldn't have the patience.
I'd have the chatter.
I'd have loads of balls of sweets,
and I'd probably let people off without paying, because I'm nice.
Okay, so again, you're going to last about three weeks
because you've run out of money.
It's my car, my rules, mate.
What, your rules are that you just pay for everything?
Yeah. All right, a taxi driver. I'll tell you what, mate. What, your rules? You just pay for everything? Yeah.
All right, a taxi driver.
I'll tell you what,
then you can be a taxi driver.
Right, okay, good.
And would you enjoy it?
Would you do nights or days?
Nights, please.
Yeah, never do days.
Never do days.
But then nights,
you'd have to choose a village
or a town where there wasn't so much.
No, no, I think that's wrong.
I think if you could...
What, choose a city?
I think if you're doing it in London,
you've got to do nights.
Yes.
If you're doing it in a small town,
you could do days.
The traffic's not bad.
Oh, nights would
be like kind of
taxi cab confessions
or something.
It'd be really
sexy and pukey.
You think it'd be
a combination of
taxi driver the
movie and pornos,
but it'd actually
be you cleaning up
sick all the time
because you'd be
too polite to
ask people to do
it.
Oh, my.
Sorry, I'm
quite classic.
You drive it.
I thought I liked
this.
I don't like it at all.
It's horrible.
I think you could be a taxi driver.
Would you like that?
Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Do they make good money, do they?
I would have one of those headsets on
and I'd just be listening to my music all the time.
Is that illegal?
Is that naughty?
I don't know.
Because you're allowed to have your music up really high, aren't you?
I don't think there's much that, for example,
certain Uber drivers wouldn't get away with.
You know,
my,
my perfect one would probably be some kind of,
I'll just like,
I know you're going to laugh at this,
but I promise you,
I'd just quite like to work in a bookshop slash cafe in the middle of a small little town that had no customers.
So I'd like to be in a position where I didn't need? Well, I'd like to be in a position where I didn't
need the money. So if I was
your bank manager, like you've just done
the bank manager job on me... No, I don't need a loan because I'm
wealthy already. Well, then I wouldn't have a job then if I
was wealthy already. And this brings us
full circle. Whack and cry.
This brings us full circle. You are a bloke who
in the future will just spend your time cutting about.
Alright, then I'll cut about.
That'll be the guy's going, that guy... You bought everything everything i do when he fires i have i have a need i have an
amazon you wouldn't do taxi drivers because you'd get in the way of you going to the car book sale
i told you i in my little office i set up two cameras just because i had them kicking around
i know what's that about and i think that you as i've said to regular i've said regularly on this
show and listeners will be familiar with this,
you think about things not at all or too much.
Yeah.
And I think taxi drivers, this is what I'm saying,
this is how it applies to general life.
AV technician, you would do a really complicated setup,
and then you wouldn't remember it or something.
Taxi driver, you take a really convoluted route,
because you second-guess yourself about trying to give the best service,
and you'd be like, oh, I need to avoid all the traffic and you go around the houses and no one would end up
in the thames maybe yeah maybe on the mud flats i'll tell you what that people used to do that
for a job you know that what just hang out in the mud flats they used to call them mudlarks
right just do it down in portsmouth as well just like taking stuff out the out the thames
valuable stuff yeah so places like portsmouth harbour and Banks of the Thames are so rich in history that people would make a serious,
not a serious living, but they would survive down there
doing that kind of stuff.
And I remember actually, I mean, I must have been very, very young.
I remember kids being down in the mudflats of Portsmouth Harbour
and people chucking them pennies and stuff.
Oh, I remember sort of, yeah, no, I completely agree.
I think I would quite enjoy magnet fishing.
Yeah, you talked about it before.
Which I think might be illegal.
I'm not sure in certain waterways.
But you'd be following all kinds of stuff.
Lovely stuff.
Would you not like a life on the high seas?
I do watch the ships come in and come out.
There was a big cargo ship coming in from China yesterday
while I was having a cup of tea.
And so I'm eating a lot of oysters at the moment.
We've got a mate
who's got an
incredible lust for
eating as many
oysters as possible.
I'm getting there
Luke.
Any excuse to put
Tabasco on something
I am hammering
oysters at the moment.
Just Tabasco is it?
Just Tabasco maybe
that vinegary stuff
they put on it.
Wow thinking about
it now it's making
me salivate.
They put that
vinegar on the
whelks as well
don't they?
Very very nice.
That old fashioned shellfish I'm a fan of that as well don't they? Very very nice. That old fashioned
shellfish I'm a fan of
that as well.
As I said to you
before my American
family have got
amazing oyster place
on Cape Cod
which many say are
the finest oysters
in the world
and they bring loads
of them down all the time.
I tried to get a video
I got a video of them
doing the oyster
shucking competition
between each
because two brothers
but my phone got
stolen didn't it so i lost the fucking video but it's brilliant yeah um but yeah you know back in
the day particularly from where we're from hartlepool and portsmouth seaside towns respectively
um i reckon back in the day you go back to maybe go back 500 years if you committed a crime in your
town so you had a bit of a fight or whatever yeah and you ended up accidentally killing a man which
i'm i'm led to believe happened quite a lot back in the day,
part of the thing they might say is they might say to you,
listen, mate, say you were 18 at the time,
you were unmarried, you've got no dependents,
just get yourself on a boat, get out of here.
Just get out of here.
Join the army, join the navy, whatever.
Come back a different guy.
It's not going to be a great life,
whatever you come back at all,
but get yourself on a boat. And that was that. And you'd live a life of the high seas for a few years maybe, and you eventually come back a different guy it's not going to be a great life whenever you come back at all um but get yourself on a boat and that was that and you'd live a life of the high seas for a
few years maybe and you eventually come back and you know it all would be all be forgotten 21 days
china to uh england on the boat of the old cargo ships what now days yeah 21 days yeah um that
wasn't isn't the um the boat that's down on the Thames I forget the name of it now
the Cutty Sark
that was a tea clipper
wasn't it
that used to be
so fucking fast
it was like a legendary boat
and the captain of it
and all the crew
used to make bets
in whatever port they were
they could beat
other ships back
and it'd be so fast
it's amazingly
I think it's the Cutty Sark
it's a beautifully built ship
like a powerboat
yeah
it is a good looking boat
of it's time
frequently burns down can you be a good sailor. Of its time. Frequently burns down.
Can you be a good sailor back in the day?
I'm not talking about now.
I'm talking about back in the day.
Yeah, I think so.
I like travel.
I've got some pretty decent sea legs,
as long as I don't look at my mobile phone.
Usually fine.
When I went to Ishinomaki,
the place that was hit quite badly
with the earthquake and the tsunami a few years ago with Chris Broad.
And I was having a lovely time.
Chris less so.
Oh, you told me.
You got really seasick, didn't you?
You got really seasick.
There's no feeling like seasickness.
If you've never had seasickness, it is the worst.
I used to go out fishing for mackerel with my mate Paul when I was a kid and his dad.
And it's a little boat.
And he would go out fishing for mackerel all the time.
It's like a thing.
He'd get loads of them
out just the other side
of the Isle of Wight
get a load of mackerel
stick them in a cool box
and he'd freeze them
and they'd just eat them
it'd be like their thing
which is a good idea
I mean you know
I don't think there are
any restrictions on the amount
you could catch or whatever
I was about fucking eight
so it didn't matter
and I went out loads of times
but the first two or three
Pete I'm telling you
my god it's like it doesn't do itself and I've been out loads of times but the first two or three, Pete, I'm telling you, my God.
It's like,
it doesn't do itself enough justice
to just say you're sick.
Yeah.
You want to fucking die.
You feel so bad.
There's an episode of
that Carl Pilkington show,
An Idiot Abroad,
where he goes out on a fishing vessel
and he's just lying on the floor
like green
and being sick all the time and i remember
thinking and everything else i found about carl pukes and back then i found funny i just couldn't
bring myself to laugh at it because i've been in that position it was just awful awful stuff me and
my mate paul because he hadn't got his sea legs at that point either i remember having one of those
bands that you put on your wrist to help seasickness oh like that's sort of like bronze
or something yeah i'd taken tablets I'd done what
this old man
who was a sailor
had said
I'd focus on the
horizon for an hour
without taking my
eyes off
and I was still
just yakking
everywhere
I remember
kids going on a
school trip
they'd take
certain
is it Welks
or something
some kind of
like sort of
motion sickness
tablets
that made this
kid fucking
hallucinate
so in our school
there was one
particular brand
of not larium that was for malaria that makes you really fucked up no no no tablets that made this kid fucking hallucinate so in our school there was one particular brand of
not larium
that was for malaria
that makes you really
fucked up
no no no
we were only going to London
it wasn't really
on a coach for 8 hours
I mean malaria
possibly an issue
but yeah
he got really ill
he got really ill
he got like
really
like could see
see his family and stuff
on the bus
it stood me in good stead
that that fishing those fishing trips, because
when I was 13, I
went on a rugby
tour to the
Channel Islands,
and we were on
the boat, and the
whole squad was
ill, and I wasn't
ill, because I got
my sea legs at
that point.
Sea legs!
But you lose them
again, you know
that.
Right.
So I think if I
went again now, I
probably would have
lost them.
I don't think they
stay forever.
I think you just
eat oysters every
lunchtime, like I've
been doing recently.
You get them back.
Listen, it makes a break from steak tartare. You are, man, I've never? I think you just eat oysters every lunchtime like I've been doing recently. You get them back. Listen, it makes a
break from steak tartare.
You are, man, I've
never, I think you
have eaten more steak
tartare than every
other person I've met
put together.
Yeah, it's delicious
isn't it?
It's very nice.
Let's have a break,
Pete.
Get a couple of
oysters down you.
When we come back,
we're going to do
some emails.
There's some
absolute belters this
week actually.
I'm really looking
forward to them.
So stick around for those and we'll be back in just a sec.
Hello, it's the Luke and Pete show.
I'm Pete Donaldson, and it is a Monday the 10th.
No, not the 10th.
That's not the day.
It's the 13th.
Sorry, looking at the wrong part of the calendar.
That's not how calendars work, though, is it?
No.
You've got to look on the right day.
It doesn't explain a lot, though.
We've got a lot of emails to get through,
and we've got some absolute belters.
Do you want to hit me up with Malcolm's,
because he seemed very keen on that one, I believe.
Yeah, I like Malcolm's email.
And he's emailed to hello at lukeandpeteshow.com,
and we're bloody happy that he has.
So hello to you, Malcolm.
You are very welcome here.
He says, hello, Luke and Peter.
Long time listener, first time emailer.
We like to hear that.
I love the idea that people have listened for a long time
and they thought, you know what?
You've just tickled me there.
I've got something for you.
I'm going to send it in.
It's inexplicable that we're getting new emails at this point.
It's amazing.
In my opinion.
It is amazing.
And I will run out of Gmail addresses sooner rather than later.
Malcolm says, this Monday's episode,
and more specifically the harrowing story about a son a mother
and a massive
pornography stash
that was obviously
last Monday
brought back a dismal
memory of my own
the year was 2016
and I had recently
returned to living
with my parents
in Northern Ontario
Canada
after a gap year
farming in the
Canadian prairies
what a life this is
my parents at the time
were in their late 50s
and by no means
tech savvy.
This was no more apparent than when one autumn day
my mum confronted me,
asking me why I was watching videos of
Busty Milfs
on her brand new iPad.
Not on a brand new iPad.
Come on, use an old one for the Busty Milfs.
Yeah, you know, bed it in first.
The Bee Milfs.
I was shocked at the claim
and to be honest, trying to think if in fact it was me.
It's hardly possible in the hormonally
inflamed state of my late teens.
Nonetheless, I emphatically
denied the claims and while being
impressed by my mother as to why I was viewing this
smut, my English expat
father timidly appeared behind her
whispering, dear, it was me.
Come on. Honesty.
Honesty. It's very important. yeah malcolm says my mother stopped in
her tracks and no doubt out of complete embarrassment went they're both went their
separate ways like any good family and we've never mentioned it again please god let's use
our incognito modes delete that history and exit those tabs pete any more tips on that from you? Yeah, I would have possibly taken my wife aside.
I've got to go get a busty milk.
I would have taken my busty milk aside.
Malcolm, do get in touch if your mum is a busty milk.
And yeah, or maybe the iPad was a reflection of her own face.
I'm getting into it DP
I'm trying to
clam on my way out
that's the problem
I think with the porn
I would have taken
my wife aside
and explained
what had happened
but Malcolm
would always have been
in the dark
Malcolm would never
have known
that I was viewing
the Busty Mills
no
so you're saying
that you did
self-preservation
yeah exactly
Malcolm goes on to say
on the side
that my father
was a real character
and I think you guys would enjoy him.
He was born and raised
in a small town in Essex
outside Colchester
and his younger years
were spent loving soul music,
football and holidays
in Spain and Italy.
In his mid-twenties
and the late seventies,
he went to my hometown in Canada,
population 500,
to visit an aunt.
During a parade,
he met my mum
who was chauffeuring him
for some reason.
He then proposed to her in a canoe after only a week
and moved her in the coming months to England to get married.
He moved her.
I will move you now.
I will make a milf of you.
Oh, you are busty.
And after some years, they moved back to Canada.
He worked as, among other things, a lumberjack, a boat mechanic,
a snow clearer,
and is now a successful industrial electrician.
This Ponzi Essex boy has turned into a true frontiersman
and has become a huge part of his community.
He also has hobbies that I think you would be interested in,
including once purchasing an entire blacksmith shop, coal, and anvil,
only to keep it all in his shed and never use it.
What a man.
I look up to him
I love him
he's my hero
love the show
that's Malcolm
a lovely heart
for me
absolute dad
what other show
would you start
with Busty Mills
and get to
a man
worshipping for your dad
in a blacksmith shop
a man buying an entire
blacksmith shop
coal anvil
and he never
never using it
it's a bit of everyone
I told you my dad
bought an anvil
didn't I
yeah
but he's used it
though hasn't he
no he just
de-rusted it
right polished it up and then sold it on oh nice so you bought it for two quid how did he bought an anvil, didn't I? Yeah, but he's used it though, hasn't he? No, he just de-rusted it,
polished it up and then sold it on.
He bought it for two quid.
How did he de-rust it?
Just dipped it in chemicals?
Not sure really.
It's not really my area.
Right.
Yeah,
as my wife constantly tells me.
I'm terrible at that kind of stuff.
I told you on the show,
I called him
the day before we did the show
and I was like,
all right dad,
he's like,
yeah,
not bad.
I was like, what are you doing?
He said, I'm de-rusting an anvil.
Didn't expect it.
No.
Don't expect it.
It was as surprising to me as Malcolm's accusation of viewing busty milfs was to him.
It was a cracking email.
Thank you, Malcolm.
Please email us again.
Just send us a picture of your frontiersman dad.
Yeah.
Can I just say as well, you could tell, dare I say, Pete,
and hopefully you'll be
on board with this,
if the Google search
was, quote,
Busty Milfs,
it's an older bloke
doing it.
Yeah.
Because it's quite a weird
thing to type in, isn't it?
Well, yeah,
it's not,
I think it's
quite wholesome
when an older man
looks for older women
on the internet.
Speaking of experience.
I just think it is.
I just think it's quite charming.
You should taxi driver chat again.
I just think...
That burned down.
Yeah.
The best ever taxi chat I had was a guy in Liverpool
who asked me if I knew who the Beatles were.
Yeah.
So it's a high stakes question, isn't it?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Is he so insular that he's not sure
if the Beatles have
travelled beyond Liverpool
but he would
surely
surely know
their penetration
because they're all
over the city
they're like well
this must be
everywhere
so he's never
left Liverpool
but if you've never
left Liverpool
you probably don't
think much about
Liverpool
right
he probably thinks
this is the biggest
band in Liverpool
yeah
and that's all he matters
all he cares about
yeah
we've got a message from Phil hello looking Pete He thinks this is the biggest band in Liverpool. Yeah, and that's all he matters. All he cares about, yeah.
We've got a message from Phil.
Hello, Luke and Pete.
After your recent discussion of whether to strip or not to strip,
I thought I'd chuck in my two penneth.
Oh, the bed stripping, you mean?
Sorry, yes, yes. Bed stripping, yes.
My wife and I run a guest house in the Lake District,
and so we see the States people leave their rooms on a daily basis.
Generally speaking, things are usually not too bad,
and we're always grateful when guests have a bit of a tidy up
before they check out.
Rubbish in the bin, used towels in the bath, that sort of thing.
Stripping the bed door always raises suspicions.
Yeah.
It makes us wonder what you've done to those sheets
that you're trying to hide,
or what were you looking for underneath that you thought you'd find.
But more so than that, you've paid to be there.
It's your holiday.
Let us take care of the cleaning.
Leave the stripping of sheets to the weirdos on fauna bed uh it's not a major issue everything gets stripped and cleaned away
regardless of who's done it but as i've had a long summer of just this issue i thought i'd share the
guest house on this perspective much love to you both phil i mean that is a catchment of one really
isn't it that's that's one person saying that i would like to hear from more people who've worked
in the hotel industry i think someone who has to clear
an entire building of beds,
you know,
someone who just works
in a big,
massive building of,
a big hotel
that has a hundred bedrooms to service
every single day.
They might appreciate the help.
But you're a stripper,
I'm not a stripper.
Yeah.
And that's the divide here.
Yeah.
And I would say it from this point of view,
I would think,
obviously,
as you've described,
that's a very labour-intensive, tough job.
And the people who do it have my immense respect
because it's not something I'd be able to do.
But I wonder if you go into a hotel room
when someone's checked out,
you see the bed laid out there,
you know what you're dealing with.
If it's all bundled up and stripped already,
you think, Jesus, what am I actually dealing with here?
Is there going to be something unspeakable among all these sheets?
Is there going to be stuff I don't really want to deal with?
So straight away, if I see the bed already stripped by someone else, I'm going straight
for the gloves.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, that probably makes sense.
And is that an impression you want to give to a member of the cleaning staff?
Member of the cleaning community?
Because you're the one who strips the bed.
I don't do it.
Well, if I've got half an hour and I've done everything else and I've got like 10 minutes left,
I'll strip the bed
because I've got time.
I'll just like,
well, I'll help out.
That's never happened.
What do you mean?
I've been in many a hotel with you
and that's never happened.
Because we're too busy fucking.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
There's no way
you swan through life
with a load of extra time
on your hands
doing that kind of thing.
I do when it's,
when my name's above
the Airbnb door,
so to speak.
Oh, so you mean, okay.
I've got a mixture because my mixture is absolute pigs. Absol to speak. Oh, so what you mean, okay. I've got a mix shirt,
because my mix shirt,
absolute pigs.
Absolute pigs.
Yeah, so my friend,
weirdly enough,
so Phil's guest house,
we should say,
is Dome House in Windermere,
a lovely part of the world.
I've visited Windermere,
and it looks magnificent.
So if you're ever in the lakes,
do go check them out.
So there you go, Phil.
Read the reviews.
Free plug for you there.
It's very well reviewed.
I checked it.
It is very well reviewed.
So yeah, the Dome House,
check it out,
or just Dome House,
I should say.
But my other friend, who's also called Phil,
he runs a guest house as well.
And he said to me over a pint once,
he was like, you wouldn't believe some of the states
people leave this stuff in.
Yeah.
He said he's got a beautiful guest house up near Loch Ness,
and he's spent ages on it.
And they own the building.
It's beautifully, luxuriously um painted and decorated and
looked after it's got standalone baths everything right very much top end he said i think he said
to me i hope i'm not misquoting him but he said to me i think a couple of days pete after he
finished the final bedroom in the house the nicest one the eighth of the eight bedrooms or whatever
beautiful roll top standalone bath he said like two days later someone fucking flooded the whole
bathroom really yeah how did they do it just left the tap just left the tap or forgot or something and the whole thing is fucked
thing is i've done that a few times i've sort of steamed i've been steaming my uh my linen suit
and then just went upstairs to to the bar and just left the thing does it actually work though
yeah a little bit yeah a little bit yeah it's not as good as an iron yeah i've heard of people
doing that i'm not sure it works linen Linen suits are fuckers, though.
Whichever way you slice it, they are fuckers.
Well, I can't wear a linen suit
because I look like the man from Del Monte.
You can get away with it.
Isn't it funny how we're quite a different physical profile of man?
So you can get away with it.
I don't think you can get away with a really long coat
because you're not tall enough.
Right, okay.
I can.
But I couldn't do half the things you do fashion-wise
because it'll make me look mental.
Yeah, you should,
I wear a lot of like
gothy leather daddy stuff these days.
You're a Matrix chic,
I believe.
A Matrix,
hey, that's coming back, isn't it?
Yeah.
Bright lawns, fishbone isn't in it.
What's that about?
Yeah, that's weird.
That is a bit weird.
I was reading a book about,
have we got time for this
or have we got to go?
Let's go.
Okay, I'll tell you a story about,
it's really fucking boring actually.
Sit it off air. I couldn't open a show with, it's really fucking boring actually. Sit it off air.
I couldn't open the show with it
so I'm not going to do it next time.
Anyway,
that's enough time for this week.
It is Monday the 13th of September.
That's been the nonsense
that we tend to spout twice a week.
You're very welcome along.
Thank you for joining us.
Do email us in
if you have something
you want us to talk about
or want to make us aware of.
It's hello at lukeandpeach.com.
Twitter is at LukeandPeteShow.
We'll be back on Thursday where we'll do more of your stories,
more of our stories,
more of your battery brands
and whatever else takes our fancy.
Say goodbye, Pete Donaldson.
Now piss off.
And it's goodbye from me as well.
But seriously, do piss off.
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