The Luke and Pete Show - The least trusted haircut

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

The chaps are back with another round of nonsense, but they start with the big one - what is the least trusted haircut? As well as that, Pete discovers the Milk Crate Challenge just 20 weeks after it all started, decides he'd quite like to be a taxi driver at some point, and gives us all his theories on sea sickness.There's also time for your stories as well, and one of them involves a quite awkward conversation around not deleting one's browsing history. Consider yourselves warned.Let's hear from you, too! Get in touch with us here: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Still living like that! Turn the aircon off! That's the intro, so we should get straight into it. It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm just going to show you my stocks. I've got a stocks and shares ISA. Nice! A very modest sum.

And let me tell you, my investments, just look at the reds. Look at the reds everywhere. I don't even need to see the numbers. The red colour just tells me everything I need to know. Here's my hit. So imagine this is MSNBC. I've got like a rolled up white shirt and a tie and maybe a tie clip. And I'm going, guys, don't buy Expedia,

High Tide, Helium One Global, Thunder Bridge 3, which I thought sounded a bit like Mad Max. They've all fucking tanked. Online blockchain, waste of money. A lot of them. Yeah. There we go. I hope they're not sponsored by any of them, are we?

Because that might also be what's tanked here. With any luck. With any luck we are and were. Yeah. I don't think the sponsors listen. We're all kinds of derring-doing nonsense. I agree. I think you're right.

And in this thought experiment where I'm imagining you on MSNBC with your sleeves rolled up, have you still got the ponytail? I think people would find the ponytail untrustworthy. And in fact, I was with a... Most untrustworthy haircut. You're saying ponytail on a man of 40? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Are the ponytail untrustworthy. And in fact, I was with a... Most untrustworthy haircuts? Are you saying ponytail on a man of 40? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Are you doing it on purpose? Like emo hair as well.

Other mistrusty haircuts. Man from Manchester in his 40s with an Ian Brown do. Oh, yeah. Or one of those feathered lead singer of the Jam Jobs. Yeah, I've got huge opinions on the whole mod hair scene. Awful. Oh, mate. You've just summed it up in one word.

Awful. I've got nothing else to say now. Just awful. I think it's a... This is my personal opinion. And some of our international listeners are going to have to look this up. But they can do that. My personal opinion is it's a terrible look anyway.

Right, yeah, okay, yeah. But there's something particularly, I'm going to say tragic, about the idea that they're projecting that they're just holding onto it

far too long. So Paul Weller's hair has never looked worse. I'm being serious. Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. There's nothing wrong with Paul Weller. I know he's the mod father.

I know he's not particularly to my taste, but he's done what he's done and he deserves a huge amount of respect for what he's achieved. And he's still working. He's still There's nothing wrong with Paul Willer. I know he's the mod father. I know he's not particularly to my taste, but he's done what he's done and he deserves a huge amount of respect for what he's achieved. And he's still working. He's still working. Nothing wrong with just getting your haircut

and just aging gracefully. Yeah. Age gracefully like Mick Jagger. Who am I to say age gracefully? What a pompous thing to say. You guys need to age gracefully. With your football podcast. People are listening to this

going what the fuck is this guy talking about have you seen this they were talking about puking piss and shit later oh yeah age gracefully Luke walk into a studio

age 40 singing here comes the hot stepper it's a no it's a but I think we had originally started off talking about least trusted haircuts

and I think that is going to be up there yeah I think so it's skullet skullet yeah skullet's kind of just talking about least trusted haircuts. And I think that is going to be up there. Yeah, I think so. Skullet? Skullet. Yeah. Skullet's kind of just,

you've got a decision to make and you've not made it just yet, I think that's fair to say. But I was with a friend who moved to New York, moved to actually Modesto, California, and then moved back to New York. Doesn't matter. Brought his family over a few weeks ago.

I've got international friends. I've met people in chat rooms on the internet. Just say it's your friend. I argue. Don't say where they lived. It sounds impressive. Literally my oldest friend. How old is he?

But he went to America. 100. 90 years. But he brought his little kid, and his little kid is a wonderfully lovely little girl. She's very expressive, very precautious kind of lovely little girl. Great news. She's got a strong New York accent which is amazing

nice Uncle Peter Uncle Peter that's nice and she says why have you got why have you got your hair like that

why have you got your hair in a ponytail we've been told that we're not to talk to men who have ponytails good parenting yeah but that wasn't

the parents they didn't say that. Right. She'd just been told at school or something never to trust a man with a ponytail. It's confusing

for a child of that age if they're being taught proper good robust life advice like that and the next thing that happens is they meet you. She also said

that I was going to have a Chinese baby. Okay. It's just confusing. Just very good. News to partner, to be honest. So, perspective. I was once with Bette, my niece, and she said quite loudly in a, where were we? I think in a playground.

She pointed at an older lady and said, Okuloke, that lady's got very yellow teeth. Oh. Yeah. Well, look. What's she out? She did, to be fair. But what I'm saying is the kids at that age have got very yellow teeth aww yeah well look what's she out she did to be fair but you know

what I'm saying is the kids like that age have got no filter have they no no no they haven't absolutely no filter so I like long hair

on a kid a boy you know what I mean we're talking about haircuts it's a trend now when kids are like little skateboards

very very long hair so our friend Rupert both his boys have got long hair. It looks really cool. But he's just making a couple of South American footballers, isn't he?

That's basically the look, isn't it? I think he genuinely has given them South American footballer names. He has. And he gets away with it. I'd like to know from parents, is it more difficult to manage? I'm sure, presumably it is.

Bath time's a nightmare for kids. We don't have kids. We don't have to deal with that. Well, kids, you don't have to wash their hair they don't have a bath every night do they it's not bath time every night but I

I eat once every six months I'm finding it very difficult not to have knots in my hair but I started using conditioner turns out that's a thing yeah and that really gets rid of the knots

who knew yeah I use a bit of conditioner sometimes yeah we would go for very different types of shampoo you and I well I was I was growing yeah I agree because yours is thinner and finer, I was growing, yeah, I agree.

Because yours is thinner and finer. But I was still growing like weird dreadlocks. I pulled out a big dreadlock out of my hair when I was on Wrestle Me and Mark remarked

that I've been down at the coast for like three months. Are you being fucking serious? I had a little dreadlock just artificially grown in my hair. Because you've done

a lot of stuff over the years. Yeah. You would not put a dead plot past me I would think no but well I was going to say

that I think you know it's easy to say that you know what other people get up to as a consenting adult is their business and on paper

that's absolutely right and that's exactly how I think you should approach things but you're happily weighing on my decisions no because I think in practice

I've had to live with it for a long time and you know they say about people's plans they don't survive the first contact with the enemy. But I think I would probably draw the line if you turned up with dreadlocks.

Yeah. It was something that I explored when I was about 18 and I had long hair. I was like, how do I turn these into dreadlocks? Because the drummer from One Minute Silence had some wonderful white guy dreadlocks. I don't think white men should have dreadlocks. I think it's fine.

Do you? No. Always terrible. Always terrible. I can think think white men should have dreadlocks. I think it's fine. Do you? No. Always terrible. Always terrible. I can think of the bass player of the Levellers who had committed to his dreadlocks to be fair.

They were fucking massive. That's their look though isn't it? That's very much their look. I told you about my encounter with him at the Cambridge Folk Festival. Yeah, you wouldn't

let him on stage. I didn't know who he was. You would have had a good idea if the guy had massive dreadlocks. That guy's probably in or surrounds himself with the levelers. But the point is,

if he had surrounded himself with the levelers, it doesn't mean he's got a right to be there. Ironically, it was a bit of a leveler, wasn't it? It was, definitely, yeah. Luke, are you familiar with the Milk Crit Challenge? Not really. I've seen a bit of it on Instagram. Yeah.

It's wonderful. Explain to people what it is. It's a big pyramid. Not really really pyramid, what would you call it? Like a bar graph, it goes up and down, of ascending numbers of milk crates and then descending numbers of milk crates, down to one, up to five, and then down. So they're really wobbly and you've got to go over them? You've got to clamber over them. It looks really painful.

It looks really painful. I've just so many sort of sprained wrists, so many broken elbows, so many smashed up knees. Yeah. Oh, it's got a lot. It's got a lot in there. It's a young person's game.

It's a young person's game. You'd still have a go though, wouldn't you? I'd be frightened. I still think I'm quite light on my feet, but I'm really, really knotted for it. You're definitely lighter on your feet than I am, but I think that you would hurt yourself.

Yeah, no. Anyway, what about it? Well, some guy has basically, he's an intelligent chap, Dr. Nimaia Mabry, an engineer from America. He's basically just studied why the Mutt Crit Challenge is a fool's errand sort of speech. Has anyone ever done it?

Oh yeah, a few people have managed it but it's very, very difficult. I mean, I would say out of all the videos I've watched of the Milk Crit Challenge,

you know, this is a thing that's, you know, probably about, you know, 20 weeks old but I'm just picking up on it recently.

That's quite quick for me. I'll be fucking, how excited would I be if I came in at that point? You just discovered milk. And yeah, he just basically goes through why they're so unstable,

why you shouldn't attempt it, and why he's not going to attempt it. So I won't play it out, but it's well worth a watch. Why You'll Fail the Milk Crate Challenge is a Wired video. Do you have, is it a particular type of milk crate

they have in the US, right? Because I've never seen those crates here. Oh, I have. You know what? They're those milk crates that you would have seen back in the day for milk, but also lemonade

that the milkman used to sell. Or the tea man. I used to work on the dairy section of Asda. Oh, but that's all like big four-pinters, isn't it? Plastic. Well, it's, it's your one pint, your two pint, your four pint, your six pint, mate. Oh, right, okay. Yeah. Six pint? How big is that? Oh, but that's all like big four-pointers, isn't it? Plastic. Well, it's your one-pointer, your two-pointer, your four-pointer, your six-pointer.

Oh, right, okay. Six-pointer? Oh, yeah. You would have seen a six-pointer. It looks like slightly longer. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Anyway, my job used to be, it was awful because obviously I was 17 and all I wanted to do was go to the pub and I didn't want to get up early,

but I had to start at six. You tell a 17-year-old that you've got to start at six, that's harsh. That's a staying up hour, isn't it? Big time. And anyway, what you used to have to do is, because the milk would be brought down

in the lorries overnight, and so when you got to the big, and this house was a big house though, the big goods yard out the back, I mean, it was massive, and this lorry would be waiting there and the guy would bring all the milk off and then you'd have to take it. And most of the time, because it was so and this lorry would be waiting there and the guy would bring all the milk off

and then you'd have to take it and most of the time because it was so early in the morning it would still be cool enough for it to be set out in the goods yard

but then you had to put it in the fridge then you had to bring them to it and there were these metal trolleys you've probably seen them in the supermarket

and all you do actually is you unhook the front flap of the metal trolley and you put the whole metal trolley in oh of course yes so you don't have to touch the milk

which is frequently just burst but I'll tell you about my mate Lewis who works in the fruit and veg section also yes. So you don't have to touch the milk. No, no. Which is frequently just bust. But I'll tell you about my mate Lewis, who works in the fruit and veg section, also started at six, and we'd be the only two people there, and he would spend all his time pelting me with fruit. Yeah.

It would be like a fucking battlefield. So that's whatever I think of whenever I think of milk crates and milk stuff. And sometimes you would be moving the milk in really quickly, and it'd hit a bump in the goods yard because it was really poorly concreted. It just goes everywhere. The whole thing would tip. Oh, Luke. It was pretty full on. It sounds very, it's a bit like the goods yard because it was really poorly concreted. It just goes everywhere. The whole thing would tip.

Oh, look. It was pretty full on. It sounds very, it's a bit like Die Hard, isn't it? Yeah. Fraught with danger. Yeah. Working at Safeway

was the coolest job, one of the coolest jobs I've had. And working at Asda was one of the hardest, even though there were similar supermarkets literally across the road from each other.

Do you think about where your future lies, Luke? Because I'm constantly worried that everything's going to fall to shit and I'm going to have to get a proper job. And I just think... Well, you wouldn't be able to do a proper job, though. I would.

You wouldn't be able to do one. What do you mean? Well, I think there's loads of proper jobs I could do. Right. And I can't think of any you could do. Okay, fair do. Because you wouldn't want to.

Not because you haven't got the talent or because you're not clever. No, no, but I have to. You don't have to. I can... No, you'd be one of those geezers who you just see cutting about. The plastic bag.

Just cutting about. Oh, so, hang on. So my future is just homeless man. Just homeless. No one else will indulge me, so just homeless man. Okay, well, listen, but do it another way then

because people will just think I'm being harsh. Okay, do it another way. Give me three jobs that you'd quite like to do, that are proper normal jobs, if you couldn't do this, and I'll tell you straight away whether you could do them or not. AV technician in a college. Just setting up projectors.

They wouldn't have you. What do you mean? They wouldn't have you. What do you mean? I don't think you would... Not CRB checked. No, CBT? Which one is it?

I can't remember. What's the moped one? What's the moped one? Give me that one. Yeah. But you wouldn't like the hours. Regular hours. Right.

You wouldn't like that. What do you mean? Reporting into people that you don't like. You wouldn't like that. Yeah, but reporting in. Like, I just have my own little section. I'm the AV technician. You would spend all your time being brilliant at AV tech, but you would tell everyone you

were shit at it. And you wouldn't last very long. Right, okay. Next one. Oh, God. Taxi driver. Now I can drive. Get him in the back of the Fiat, covered in dog hair.

You're so buzzed that you've recently passed your test. You think you'd be good at that, but I don't think you would. You wouldn't have the patience. I'd have the chatter. I'd have loads of balls of sweets, and I'd probably let people off without paying, because I'm nice. Okay, so again, you're going to last about three weeks because you've run out of money.

It's my car, my rules, mate. What, your rules are that you just pay for everything? Yeah. All right, a taxi driver. I'll tell you what, mate. What, your rules? You just pay for everything? Yeah. All right, a taxi driver. I'll tell you what, then you can be a taxi driver. Right, okay, good. And would you enjoy it?

Would you do nights or days? Nights, please. Yeah, never do days. Never do days. But then nights, you'd have to choose a village or a town where there wasn't so much. No, no, I think that's wrong.

I think if you could... What, choose a city? I think if you're doing it in London, you've got to do nights. Yes. If you're doing it in a small town, you could do days. The traffic's not bad.

Oh, nights would be like kind of taxi cab confessions or something. It'd be really sexy and pukey. You think it'd be a combination of

taxi driver the movie and pornos, but it'd actually be you cleaning up sick all the time because you'd be too polite to ask people to do

it. Oh, my. Sorry, I'm quite classic. You drive it. I thought I liked this. I don't like it at all.

It's horrible. I think you could be a taxi driver. Would you like that? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Do they make good money, do they? I would have one of those headsets on and I'd just be listening to my music all the time. Is that illegal?

Is that naughty? I don't know. Because you're allowed to have your music up really high, aren't you? I don't think there's much that, for example, certain Uber drivers wouldn't get away with. You know, my, my perfect one would probably be some kind of,

I'll just like, I know you're going to laugh at this, but I promise you, I'd just quite like to work in a bookshop slash cafe in the middle of a small little town that had no customers. So I'd like to be in a position where I didn't need? Well, I'd like to be in a position where I didn't need the money. So if I was your bank manager, like you've just done the bank manager job on me... No, I don't need a loan because I'm

wealthy already. Well, then I wouldn't have a job then if I was wealthy already. And this brings us full circle. Whack and cry. This brings us full circle. You are a bloke who in the future will just spend your time cutting about. Alright, then I'll cut about. That'll be the guy's going, that guy... You bought everything everything i do when he fires i have i have a need i have an amazon you wouldn't do taxi drivers because you'd get in the way of you going to the car book sale

i told you i in my little office i set up two cameras just because i had them kicking around i know what's that about and i think that you as i've said to regular i've said regularly on this show and listeners will be familiar with this, you think about things not at all or too much. Yeah. And I think taxi drivers, this is what I'm saying, this is how it applies to general life. AV technician, you would do a really complicated setup,

and then you wouldn't remember it or something. Taxi driver, you take a really convoluted route, because you second-guess yourself about trying to give the best service, and you'd be like, oh, I need to avoid all the traffic and you go around the houses and no one would end up in the thames maybe yeah maybe on the mud flats i'll tell you what that people used to do that for a job you know that what just hang out in the mud flats they used to call them mudlarks right just do it down in portsmouth as well just like taking stuff out the out the thames valuable stuff yeah so places like portsmouth harbour and Banks of the Thames are so rich in history that people would make a serious,

not a serious living, but they would survive down there doing that kind of stuff. And I remember actually, I mean, I must have been very, very young. I remember kids being down in the mudflats of Portsmouth Harbour and people chucking them pennies and stuff. Oh, I remember sort of, yeah, no, I completely agree. I think I would quite enjoy magnet fishing. Yeah, you talked about it before.

Which I think might be illegal. I'm not sure in certain waterways. But you'd be following all kinds of stuff. Lovely stuff. Would you not like a life on the high seas? I do watch the ships come in and come out. There was a big cargo ship coming in from China yesterday while I was having a cup of tea.

And so I'm eating a lot of oysters at the moment. We've got a mate who's got an incredible lust for eating as many oysters as possible. I'm getting there Luke.

Any excuse to put Tabasco on something I am hammering oysters at the moment. Just Tabasco is it? Just Tabasco maybe that vinegary stuff they put on it.

Wow thinking about it now it's making me salivate. They put that vinegar on the whelks as well don't they? Very very nice.

That old fashioned shellfish I'm a fan of that as well don't they? Very very nice. That old fashioned shellfish I'm a fan of that as well. As I said to you before my American family have got amazing oyster place on Cape Cod

which many say are the finest oysters in the world and they bring loads of them down all the time. I tried to get a video I got a video of them doing the oyster

shucking competition between each because two brothers but my phone got stolen didn't it so i lost the fucking video but it's brilliant yeah um but yeah you know back in the day particularly from where we're from hartlepool and portsmouth seaside towns respectively um i reckon back in the day you go back to maybe go back 500 years if you committed a crime in your town so you had a bit of a fight or whatever yeah and you ended up accidentally killing a man which

i'm i'm led to believe happened quite a lot back in the day, part of the thing they might say is they might say to you, listen, mate, say you were 18 at the time, you were unmarried, you've got no dependents, just get yourself on a boat, get out of here. Just get out of here. Join the army, join the navy, whatever. Come back a different guy.

It's not going to be a great life, whatever you come back at all, but get yourself on a boat. And that was that. And you'd live a life of the high seas for a few years maybe, and you eventually come back a different guy it's not going to be a great life whenever you come back at all um but get yourself on a boat and that was that and you'd live a life of the high seas for a few years maybe and you eventually come back and you know it all would be all be forgotten 21 days china to uh england on the boat of the old cargo ships what now days yeah 21 days yeah um that wasn't isn't the um the boat that's down on the Thames I forget the name of it now the Cutty Sark that was a tea clipper

wasn't it that used to be so fucking fast it was like a legendary boat and the captain of it and all the crew used to make bets in whatever port they were

they could beat other ships back and it'd be so fast it's amazingly I think it's the Cutty Sark it's a beautifully built ship like a powerboat yeah

it is a good looking boat of it's time frequently burns down can you be a good sailor. Of its time. Frequently burns down. Can you be a good sailor back in the day? I'm not talking about now. I'm talking about back in the day. Yeah, I think so. I like travel.

I've got some pretty decent sea legs, as long as I don't look at my mobile phone. Usually fine. When I went to Ishinomaki, the place that was hit quite badly with the earthquake and the tsunami a few years ago with Chris Broad. And I was having a lovely time. Chris less so.

Oh, you told me. You got really seasick, didn't you? You got really seasick. There's no feeling like seasickness. If you've never had seasickness, it is the worst. I used to go out fishing for mackerel with my mate Paul when I was a kid and his dad. And it's a little boat. And he would go out fishing for mackerel all the time.

It's like a thing. He'd get loads of them out just the other side of the Isle of Wight get a load of mackerel stick them in a cool box and he'd freeze them and they'd just eat them

it'd be like their thing which is a good idea I mean you know I don't think there are any restrictions on the amount you could catch or whatever I was about fucking eight so it didn't matter

and I went out loads of times but the first two or three Pete I'm telling you my god it's like it doesn't do itself and I've been out loads of times but the first two or three, Pete, I'm telling you, my God. It's like, it doesn't do itself enough justice to just say you're sick. Yeah.

You want to fucking die. You feel so bad. There's an episode of that Carl Pilkington show, An Idiot Abroad, where he goes out on a fishing vessel and he's just lying on the floor like green

and being sick all the time and i remember thinking and everything else i found about carl pukes and back then i found funny i just couldn't bring myself to laugh at it because i've been in that position it was just awful awful stuff me and my mate paul because he hadn't got his sea legs at that point either i remember having one of those bands that you put on your wrist to help seasickness oh like that's sort of like bronze or something yeah i'd taken tablets I'd done what this old man who was a sailor

had said I'd focus on the horizon for an hour without taking my eyes off and I was still just yakking everywhere

I remember kids going on a school trip they'd take certain is it Welks or something some kind of

like sort of motion sickness tablets that made this kid fucking hallucinate so in our school there was one

particular brand of not larium that was for malaria that makes you really fucked up no no no tablets that made this kid fucking hallucinate so in our school there was one particular brand of not larium that was for malaria that makes you really fucked up no no no we were only going to London

it wasn't really on a coach for 8 hours I mean malaria possibly an issue but yeah he got really ill he got really ill he got like

really like could see see his family and stuff on the bus it stood me in good stead that that fishing those fishing trips, because when I was 13, I went on a rugby

tour to the Channel Islands, and we were on the boat, and the whole squad was ill, and I wasn't ill, because I got my sea legs at

that point. Sea legs! But you lose them again, you know that. Right. So I think if I went again now, I

probably would have lost them. I don't think they stay forever. I think you just eat oysters every lunchtime, like I've been doing recently.

You get them back. Listen, it makes a break from steak tartare. You are, man, I've never? I think you just eat oysters every lunchtime like I've been doing recently. You get them back. Listen, it makes a break from steak tartare. You are, man, I've never, I think you have eaten more steak tartare than every other person I've met

put together. Yeah, it's delicious isn't it? It's very nice. Let's have a break, Pete. Get a couple of oysters down you.

When we come back, we're going to do some emails. There's some absolute belters this week actually. I'm really looking forward to them.

So stick around for those and we'll be back in just a sec. Hello, it's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson, and it is a Monday the 10th. No, not the 10th. That's not the day. It's the 13th. Sorry, looking at the wrong part of the calendar. That's not how calendars work, though, is it?

No. You've got to look on the right day. It doesn't explain a lot, though. We've got a lot of emails to get through, and we've got some absolute belters. Do you want to hit me up with Malcolm's, because he seemed very keen on that one, I believe. Yeah, I like Malcolm's email.

And he's emailed to hello at lukeandpeteshow.com, and we're bloody happy that he has. So hello to you, Malcolm. You are very welcome here. He says, hello, Luke and Peter. Long time listener, first time emailer. We like to hear that. I love the idea that people have listened for a long time

and they thought, you know what? You've just tickled me there. I've got something for you. I'm going to send it in. It's inexplicable that we're getting new emails at this point. It's amazing. In my opinion. It is amazing.

And I will run out of Gmail addresses sooner rather than later. Malcolm says, this Monday's episode, and more specifically the harrowing story about a son a mother and a massive pornography stash that was obviously last Monday brought back a dismal

memory of my own the year was 2016 and I had recently returned to living with my parents in Northern Ontario Canada after a gap year

farming in the Canadian prairies what a life this is my parents at the time were in their late 50s and by no means tech savvy. This was no more apparent than when one autumn day

my mum confronted me, asking me why I was watching videos of Busty Milfs on her brand new iPad. Not on a brand new iPad. Come on, use an old one for the Busty Milfs. Yeah, you know, bed it in first. The Bee Milfs.

I was shocked at the claim and to be honest, trying to think if in fact it was me. It's hardly possible in the hormonally inflamed state of my late teens. Nonetheless, I emphatically denied the claims and while being impressed by my mother as to why I was viewing this smut, my English expat

father timidly appeared behind her whispering, dear, it was me. Come on. Honesty. Honesty. It's very important. yeah malcolm says my mother stopped in her tracks and no doubt out of complete embarrassment went they're both went their separate ways like any good family and we've never mentioned it again please god let's use our incognito modes delete that history and exit those tabs pete any more tips on that from you? Yeah, I would have possibly taken my wife aside. I've got to go get a busty milk.

I would have taken my busty milk aside. Malcolm, do get in touch if your mum is a busty milk. And yeah, or maybe the iPad was a reflection of her own face. I'm getting into it DP I'm trying to clam on my way out that's the problem I think with the porn

I would have taken my wife aside and explained what had happened but Malcolm would always have been in the dark Malcolm would never

have known that I was viewing the Busty Mills no so you're saying that you did self-preservation yeah exactly

Malcolm goes on to say on the side that my father was a real character and I think you guys would enjoy him. He was born and raised in a small town in Essex outside Colchester

and his younger years were spent loving soul music, football and holidays in Spain and Italy. In his mid-twenties and the late seventies, he went to my hometown in Canada, population 500,

to visit an aunt. During a parade, he met my mum who was chauffeuring him for some reason. He then proposed to her in a canoe after only a week and moved her in the coming months to England to get married. He moved her.

I will move you now. I will make a milf of you. Oh, you are busty. And after some years, they moved back to Canada. He worked as, among other things, a lumberjack, a boat mechanic, a snow clearer, and is now a successful industrial electrician. This Ponzi Essex boy has turned into a true frontiersman

and has become a huge part of his community. He also has hobbies that I think you would be interested in, including once purchasing an entire blacksmith shop, coal, and anvil, only to keep it all in his shed and never use it. What a man. I look up to him I love him he's my hero

love the show that's Malcolm a lovely heart for me absolute dad what other show would you start with Busty Mills

and get to a man worshipping for your dad in a blacksmith shop a man buying an entire blacksmith shop coal anvil and he never

never using it it's a bit of everyone I told you my dad bought an anvil didn't I yeah but he's used it though hasn't he

no he just de-rusted it right polished it up and then sold it on oh nice so you bought it for two quid how did he bought an anvil, didn't I? Yeah, but he's used it though, hasn't he? No, he just de-rusted it, polished it up and then sold it on. He bought it for two quid. How did he de-rust it? Just dipped it in chemicals? Not sure really.

It's not really my area. Right. Yeah, as my wife constantly tells me. I'm terrible at that kind of stuff. I told you on the show, I called him the day before we did the show

and I was like, all right dad, he's like, yeah, not bad. I was like, what are you doing? He said, I'm de-rusting an anvil. Didn't expect it.

No. Don't expect it. It was as surprising to me as Malcolm's accusation of viewing busty milfs was to him. It was a cracking email. Thank you, Malcolm. Please email us again. Just send us a picture of your frontiersman dad. Yeah.

Can I just say as well, you could tell, dare I say, Pete, and hopefully you'll be on board with this, if the Google search was, quote, Busty Milfs, it's an older bloke doing it.

Yeah. Because it's quite a weird thing to type in, isn't it? Well, yeah, it's not, I think it's quite wholesome when an older man

looks for older women on the internet. Speaking of experience. I just think it is. I just think it's quite charming. You should taxi driver chat again. I just think... That burned down.

Yeah. The best ever taxi chat I had was a guy in Liverpool who asked me if I knew who the Beatles were. Yeah. So it's a high stakes question, isn't it? Yeah. No. Yeah.

Is he so insular that he's not sure if the Beatles have travelled beyond Liverpool but he would surely surely know their penetration because they're all

over the city they're like well this must be everywhere so he's never left Liverpool but if you've never left Liverpool

you probably don't think much about Liverpool right he probably thinks this is the biggest band in Liverpool yeah

and that's all he matters all he cares about yeah we've got a message from Phil hello looking Pete He thinks this is the biggest band in Liverpool. Yeah, and that's all he matters. All he cares about, yeah. We've got a message from Phil. Hello, Luke and Pete. After your recent discussion of whether to strip or not to strip, I thought I'd chuck in my two penneth.

Oh, the bed stripping, you mean? Sorry, yes, yes. Bed stripping, yes. My wife and I run a guest house in the Lake District, and so we see the States people leave their rooms on a daily basis. Generally speaking, things are usually not too bad, and we're always grateful when guests have a bit of a tidy up before they check out. Rubbish in the bin, used towels in the bath, that sort of thing.

Stripping the bed door always raises suspicions. Yeah. It makes us wonder what you've done to those sheets that you're trying to hide, or what were you looking for underneath that you thought you'd find. But more so than that, you've paid to be there. It's your holiday. Let us take care of the cleaning.

Leave the stripping of sheets to the weirdos on fauna bed uh it's not a major issue everything gets stripped and cleaned away regardless of who's done it but as i've had a long summer of just this issue i thought i'd share the guest house on this perspective much love to you both phil i mean that is a catchment of one really isn't it that's that's one person saying that i would like to hear from more people who've worked in the hotel industry i think someone who has to clear an entire building of beds, you know, someone who just works

in a big, massive building of, a big hotel that has a hundred bedrooms to service every single day. They might appreciate the help. But you're a stripper, I'm not a stripper.

Yeah. And that's the divide here. Yeah. And I would say it from this point of view, I would think, obviously, as you've described, that's a very labour-intensive, tough job.

And the people who do it have my immense respect because it's not something I'd be able to do. But I wonder if you go into a hotel room when someone's checked out, you see the bed laid out there, you know what you're dealing with. If it's all bundled up and stripped already, you think, Jesus, what am I actually dealing with here?

Is there going to be something unspeakable among all these sheets? Is there going to be stuff I don't really want to deal with? So straight away, if I see the bed already stripped by someone else, I'm going straight for the gloves. Right. Okay. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that probably makes sense.

And is that an impression you want to give to a member of the cleaning staff? Member of the cleaning community? Because you're the one who strips the bed. I don't do it. Well, if I've got half an hour and I've done everything else and I've got like 10 minutes left, I'll strip the bed because I've got time. I'll just like,

well, I'll help out. That's never happened. What do you mean? I've been in many a hotel with you and that's never happened. Because we're too busy fucking. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

There's no way you swan through life with a load of extra time on your hands doing that kind of thing. I do when it's, when my name's above the Airbnb door,

so to speak. Oh, so you mean, okay. I've got a mixture because my mixture is absolute pigs. Absol to speak. Oh, so what you mean, okay. I've got a mix shirt, because my mix shirt, absolute pigs. Absolute pigs. Yeah, so my friend, weirdly enough,

so Phil's guest house, we should say, is Dome House in Windermere, a lovely part of the world. I've visited Windermere, and it looks magnificent. So if you're ever in the lakes, do go check them out.

So there you go, Phil. Read the reviews. Free plug for you there. It's very well reviewed. I checked it. It is very well reviewed. So yeah, the Dome House, check it out,

or just Dome House, I should say. But my other friend, who's also called Phil, he runs a guest house as well. And he said to me over a pint once, he was like, you wouldn't believe some of the states people leave this stuff in. Yeah.

He said he's got a beautiful guest house up near Loch Ness, and he's spent ages on it. And they own the building. It's beautifully, luxuriously um painted and decorated and looked after it's got standalone baths everything right very much top end he said i think he said to me i hope i'm not misquoting him but he said to me i think a couple of days pete after he finished the final bedroom in the house the nicest one the eighth of the eight bedrooms or whatever beautiful roll top standalone bath he said like two days later someone fucking flooded the whole

bathroom really yeah how did they do it just left the tap just left the tap or forgot or something and the whole thing is fucked thing is i've done that a few times i've sort of steamed i've been steaming my uh my linen suit and then just went upstairs to to the bar and just left the thing does it actually work though yeah a little bit yeah a little bit yeah it's not as good as an iron yeah i've heard of people doing that i'm not sure it works linen Linen suits are fuckers, though. Whichever way you slice it, they are fuckers. Well, I can't wear a linen suit because I look like the man from Del Monte.

You can get away with it. Isn't it funny how we're quite a different physical profile of man? So you can get away with it. I don't think you can get away with a really long coat because you're not tall enough. Right, okay. I can. But I couldn't do half the things you do fashion-wise

because it'll make me look mental. Yeah, you should, I wear a lot of like gothy leather daddy stuff these days. You're a Matrix chic, I believe. A Matrix, hey, that's coming back, isn't it?

Yeah. Bright lawns, fishbone isn't in it. What's that about? Yeah, that's weird. That is a bit weird. I was reading a book about, have we got time for this or have we got to go?

Let's go. Okay, I'll tell you a story about, it's really fucking boring actually. Sit it off air. I couldn't open a show with, it's really fucking boring actually. Sit it off air. I couldn't open the show with it so I'm not going to do it next time. Anyway, that's enough time for this week.

It is Monday the 13th of September. That's been the nonsense that we tend to spout twice a week. You're very welcome along. Thank you for joining us. Do email us in if you have something you want us to talk about

or want to make us aware of. It's hello at lukeandpeach.com. Twitter is at LukeandPeteShow. We'll be back on Thursday where we'll do more of your stories, more of our stories, more of your battery brands and whatever else takes our fancy. Say goodbye, Pete Donaldson.

Now piss off. And it's goodbye from me as well. But seriously, do piss off. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.