The Luke and Pete Show - The new succulent Chinese meal

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Pete has officially lost the plot. We are deeply, deeply sorry for the first 5 minutes of today’s show…Elsewhere, Luke tells us about his trip to the Norfolk Broads and Pete shares a clip that could be as good as the infamous "eating a succulent Chinese meal" video!Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It's Monday the 23rd of May. I'm joined by Luke Murr. Luke, what are you going to be doing to celebrate International Day to end Obstetric Fistula Day in 2022? I have no idea what you just said. I don't understand a word you just said. Obstetric fistula history is that it's basically obstetric fistula is a childbirth injury that can affect both the mother and the child. According to the fistula foundation, which I had no idea existed, because you can have fistulas everywhere, can't you? Anal fistula, very popular one. Two bumholes. I still don't know what you're talking about. You know, like, sometimes you'll sort of look at a calendar and it'll say,

it's the Battle of the Boyne. Yeah, why is it always that? Why is it always that? Every month we celebrate the Battle of the Boyne. Yeah, it's every time I open my calendar app, it says that. But sometimes you'll see some on differentars, and it'll be like, International Day to End Obstetric Fistula. And I'm the same. I'm like, what the hell is an obstetric fistula? I know what a fistula is.

As I've said, it's a hole in your bum. Or a hole anywhere, I presume. A little fistula. But obstetric fistula is a childbirth injury. It can occur when a mother has prolonged or obstructed labour. Lack of emergency medical care can leave her in pain and they might lose the baby. So, basically this is a whole kind of like cause to stop people having them or to raise awareness of them. But surely that's kind of, an obstetric fistula is very much diagnosed by the doctors.

So is this a day just to remind doctors to look for an obstetric fistula is very much diagnosed by the doctors. So is this a day just to remind doctors to look for the obstetric fistula? Because I don't think I'd be able to find one. If somebody gave me a baby, somebody gave me a woman's vagina and said,

spot the obstetric fistula, I would have no fucking clue where to look, to be quite frank. Why are you doing this? Sometimes when we record loads of shows in a row i forget that this is the first time someone's heard the show for a few days you know what i mean i sometimes forget producer rory and katie worked really hard on the trailer for this show yeah they click on that and go oh it sounds like a fun time. So I can only refer

you to my previous question. Why are you doing this? Why am I doing this? I don't know. I just thought it'd be interesting. I looked at what day was Monday the 23rd of May, and yeah, it's International Day to End of September. I was going to tell you all about my trip to the Norfolk Broads. That's what I was going to do.

It's established by the UN General Assembly in 2012. All right then. The Norfolk Broads right let's have your story about the north at broads then i just i just want to know first of all i want to investigate this because as everyone on the compete show this tells us more about you than it does anything else right okay why do you think in retrospect you thought that was a good idea i saw it it's very much like in one ear and out the mouth. It doesn't go in one ear and out the other. It goes in one ear and out the mouth. I would obviously like everyone to live happy and healthy lives and not have any kind of medical emergency before them.

So, of course, in broad terms, I am very much in favour of stopping any awful ailment that people have to endure. But again, why are you doing this? I just thought it would be interesting because we could all learn a little bit about obstetric fistulas. All right. So if anything, if nothing else, that deer's done its job. How many people listen to this fucking podcast who didn't know about an obstetric fistula?

Now they do. Know what it is. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. No one's listening now. Rory, don't put this. I know what you're thinking, Rory.

Do not make this the title of this episode. Obstetric fistulas! All right, woo! No, do not make this the title of this episode. Oi, oi, oi. I'll be annoyed if you do that. Anyway, I think, listen, the best I can say is that people weren't going to expect that,

were they? Expect the unexpected. No, exactly. Expect the unexpected. How could we reasonably be expected to follow a hat trick of new players entering the game on thursday um it was gonna be very difficult pete's reach for the stars there um the literal star it's not for me to say but some of our listening community may feel like he's come up short but he's tried and he's not perfect but he's trying and that's all we can ask for exactly

yeah i could have had national biscuit day if this was recorded on the 29th that would have been fine But he's tried. And he's not perfect, but he's trying. And that's all we can ask for. Exactly. Yeah. I could have had National Biscuit Day if this was recorded on the 28th. That would have been fine. That would have been fine. Great, we'll get 10 minutes out of that. That's just me. I know.

I'm just trying. I bought a packet of fruit shortcakes yesterday, and I got them home, and they're all smashed. What the hell is a fruit? I'm going to have to Google it. You'll have to excuse me. Fruit shortcakes are very good, mate. It's a staple. It's a Viti staple. Fruit shortcakes are very good, mate. It's a staple. It's a British staple. Fruit shortcakes.

Oh, yeah, they're good. They're kind of a bit Garibaldi-y, but more sugary, aren't they? Yeah, sugar on the top and a little bit more crumbly than the Garibaldi, which I find, obviously, more chewy. And the USP for the Garibaldi is they're all stuck together, right?

Yes. You break them off yourself, which is a lovely touch. Yeah, it reminds me of a hardtack that they used a hard tack that the yeah it's like that in old old ration i like i like there's still a place in in modern consumerist britain there's still a place where where for for a manufacturer of a biscuit to go we'd like you to see just a little bit about how these are made you know what you can take us over the finishing line with this production process by breaking them off yourself it's the little packet of salt in the 80s crisps it's the yes it is little little double dip uh sherbet kind of monstrosity very much so

swizzles matlaw it's all those ones but i i've not got a bar where you have to cook your own meat on the bit in the middle of the table when you go to a restaurant yeah do it yourself on the hot stone yeah um I've not had a, I'm looking at these and they look lovely and I really fancy like a latte on one of those things.

But I've not had a latte all week, Luke. I've not had a single milky coffee. Because your partner's away and you don't know how to make them. That might be part of it.

No. No, I went to, I went to Milan over the weekend and I have started having a little espresso, a little double espresso with a sugar in it. Now, I used to think that is a loser talk,

but if you have a little espresso and a sugar, that's the only calories you're having. It's like 16, 20 calories. But if you have a latte or if you have a milky coffee, which is what I like, that's like 100 calories. So I'm like, why have I not been doing this? Because I like sugary sugary hot coffee

easy save it's an easy save why haven't been doing this for years so the weight's just going to drop off now ignoring the fact that I drink

copious amounts of cooking lager every weekend yeah well I think also the hack is like with soft drinks as well just go just go sugar free soft drinks

there's so many good zero calorie soft drinks now you're saving yourself a lot of calories man Sainsbury's zero calorie ginger beer don't take advice from me on that I mean look at me soft drinks as well. Just go sugar-free soft drinks. There's so many good zero-calorie soft drinks now. You're saving yourself a lot of calories, man. Sainsbury's zero-calorie ginger beer. Don't take advice from me on that. I mean, look at me. Sainsbury's low-calorie ginger beer

is very good. Also, Cloudy Lemonade, that's excellent as well. Can we stay on the coffee subject because that's just reminding me in a massive way because I'm sat in this studio. Yeah.

The absolute king of that kind of, of the coffee order was always the great James Horncastle. Right, okay. He did what? He'd overcomplicate things? He would be order was always the great James Horncastle. Right, okay. He didn't want to complicate things. But he would be in Italy all the time. And he's obviously an Italian speaker. He lived there for a long time.

He knows a lot about Italian culture and all the rest of it. Honestly, you'd be sat in the studio right where I'm sat now, and I don't know, producer would come in and go, do you want a coffee? And James would semi-regularly ask for a coffee that I've never heard of. He'd be like, you're probably not going I've never heard of. He'd be like, you're probably not going to get that, mate.

He'd be asking, I mean, back in the day, this probably seems pretty de rigueur now, but like three years ago, four or five years ago, he'd be asking for like a macchiato. Right, okay. And people would be like,

I don't think you're going to get that in the canteen with Terry. You're really not. And I would say that I remember I was in a doctor's surgery but it was like an a doctor's surgery, but it was like an emergency doctor's surgery for my elbow, my little weird elbow, which is still kind of quite red.

I was coming out of that, and they've got a little Costa built in the hospital. And this bloke came up to the Costa and went, yeah, can I have a flat white, please? He goes, yeah, we're not a full Costa. We can't do that. What? What? We haven't got full Costa status. We haven't got full Costa status yeah, we're not a full Costa, we can't do that. What? What?

We haven't got full Costa status. We haven't got full Costa status so we're not allowed to make flat whites. James would literally be like, can I have a ristretto? No. Right. Can I have a lungo? No, you can't.

Can I have a shakerato? No. Can I have a maracino? No. Maracino? What's that? Just an americano with a bit of chocolate on the top. I don't know what any of them are, mate. No. Americano. What's that? Just an Americano with a bit of chocolate on the top.

I don't know what any of them are, mate. Yeah. I'll tell you what you can have. James, are you a fan of the Nescafe gold blend? We've got a jar of that in the cupboard. Do the little handshaky thing from the advert. Yeah. That was...

Anthony Head. Anthony Head, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anthony Head yeah yeah who is the real life father

of the girl in the in betweeners Carly oh right okay I always liked him

in Buffy I did like Buffy do you know what Buffy is a show that the wife I have access to is right up her street

but we never really got into it for some reason I thought it would be right in her Venn diagram but she's not that into it would we? It's quite old now and you know obviously

things have changed massively but the director's been disgraced like everyone else has but Oh really? What's his name? Whedon, Josh Whedon. Oh that's right because didn't he go into Hollywood or something? He went into Hollywood yeah he did a few superhero films.

I can't remember. I think some of them were fairly successful, but I think everyone thought it was going to be a bigger success. But I think some of the cast members who became pregnant have awful things to say about how they were treated. Before you move on from that, can I just get to cut to the very core of this and just say that please do me a favour. Google him as Jossedon yeah and i'm gonna say to you right now if wayne

rooney was born in america that's exactly what he'd look like yeah his art yeah his he does he has that yeah yeah i'd have that yeah he looks too i think he's got i think he's got far friendlier face than wayne ro, I would say. Ironically, because apparently Wayne Rooney's a lovely fella. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, we've all seen him carrying his wife's handbag into that court proceedings. Listen, do you know what I love about Wayne Rooney? I know he's not perfect.

That's kind of why I like him. I've had many, many reports that he's a lovely, lovely chap in real life. Very gentle man. I like that he's ballooning. It makes him seem more jolly. Yeah, I think so. He really is Steve Brewster. How old is he? 36? He's not old, is he?

He could still be playing, conceivably. Wow. He made a lot. He obviously made more money than you could ever imagine. Pete, the thing you'd like to hear is that Wayne Rooney is so young that if he had been in the same school as us,

we would have left before he joined. That's amazing, isn't it? That is fucking amazing. Wowzers. Crazy what he's been able to pack into his life so far. Do you think our listeners want to hear about me on the Norfolk Broads or not really? Let's squeeze it in.

Give us the headlines. It's quite good doing the Norfolk Broads. Have you done it? No. Don't really know what they are. Bit of water in it. It's a big open expanse of water with river waterways that are, obviously, by the nature of their name, quite broad.

Yeah. So it's not just narrow rivers like a canal boat would be or canals. Yeah, okay. And the boats you get are these big kind of cruising boats, which are like the one we had was big enough for seven people. Right. But there was only five of us. And there's mo get are these big kind of cruising boats, which are like the one we have was like big enough for seven people. Right. But there was only five of us. And there's moorings all over the broads.

So some of them are private. Some of them you've got to pay for. Some of them are just free and just rock up there and you just tie your boat up and you're away. And you could tie it up next to a pub or tie it up where you want to sleep because obviously you sleep on the boat. And as long as you aren't powering it, you haven't got the motor running, the engine running between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m.,

you can kind of do what you want, right? Right. It's such a good holiday because you basically whip the canopy up of the boat so it's all open air and you're away.

You can go wherever you want. It's really good. I thought it was amazing. I've really enjoyed it. Yeah. Lovely. I mean, like, can you be trusted?

Beautiful part of the world as well. They're actually quite easy to drive. You'd be able to drive it easy. You reckon? Well, one of my best mates, Jimmy, who I've talked about on the show a lot, he is, and don't take this the wrong way, and Jimmy, if you're listening,

please don't you take this the wrong way either, because I love you both dearly. Jimmy's probably the one person I would trust less than you to drive one of those boats. And he was actually really good at it. So I reckon you'd be absolutely fine. All right, fair.

I'll take that. And I think he'll take that as well, though we have met, so. The one thing is that it's very, very cold at night. So we had our cabin, I was in with my mate, it was four,

there's a thermometer in there, it was four degrees overnight. Right, okay. And you can't do anything to warm it up because you can't run the engine. Right, that's not ideal, is it? No. Solar panel, not ideal is it no it's a beautiful part of the world though pete i would recommend it i mean and it's also if you're going to split it between a few of you it's super cheap very affordable every day is different you can obviously spend days and miles away from where you were

before it's just great it's a really good well nice holiday. Well, at a time where I think Airbnb was always the choice of people who wanted something a little bit different, but the price is good. God, they're going up and up and up. We actually did a hotel

in Milan. Milan's, there's not really much going on in Milan, is there? Like, apart from the San Siro Fashion Week

and, you know, fucking the big castle, there's nothing really, there's nothing really to sort of recommend I'd say in my land maybe I'm sort of getting massively wrong

I'm not an expert on this at all but I think I'm right in saying that the cities up in the north are generally more boring than the cities down in the south

so Turin's apparently similar like there's not much going on there big line big line for the for the last supper didn't get to see the last supper unfortunately

but um oh of course because that's there isn't it yeah yeah we had got home home i'm not a chinese guy i could do one of those for you if you want that's a call back to show they are lovely um we uh got home uh one of us one of our number had broken his wrist he needs a uh operation that was uh that was one night who was that um uh big matty big matty. He's a big guy, to be fair. There's a lot of pressure when you fall, I think. And one of them got COVID.

And the other one came home to find out that somebody had taken on his identity and stolen £3,000. Sorry, I was going to laugh. I certainly got £3,000 out of a credit card company. I was expecting an injury. No, no injury. Just £3,000 out of a credit card company. I was expecting an injury. Yeah, no, no injury, just £3,000 down. Or would you prefer that or a broken wrist? You'd probably get the money back.

Yeah, probably get the money back. Can't get your wrist back. Probably that one. I'll probably take another bout of COVID, to be honest. May as well get out of the way. You've had about 14 already, haven't you? But yeah, so I'm unscathed, absolutely unscathed. But, you know, if I keep eating my asparagus in noodles,

who knows what'll happen. I'd love a sponsor to send me and you onto the Norfolk Roads. Well, I've just done a boat. I think it'll be good. I think we'll have a nice time. Doing shows, yeah. You would enjoy the responsibility that I would take because you wouldn't have to do it.

I wouldn't drink that much because I don't really drink anymore. Yeah, but Luke, with the greatest respect, Luke, you are quite, like you might lose your wallet in the water. Why? Because you lose your wallet and stuff. You're a loser.

No, I put stuff, well, that's true. No, but there's a difference here, man. I put stuff down and can't find it, but it eventually turns up. I don't leave my shit in the back of a cab like you. What would I leave in the back of a cab apart from my spectacles? Exactly. That was the one time, and I was

so drunk. I mean, look, I was so drunk, mate. Didn't you once find Manny Pacquiao's phone in the back of a car? No, I found a director's phone in the back of a car and it was back when nobody locked their iPhones, and I found Manny Pacquiao's phone I opened it. It was back when nobody locked their iPhones and

I found Manny Pacquiao's phone number on it. So there we go. But that could be anyone he's put as Manny Pacquiao though, couldn't it? It had a very complex number that I think was out there. The more famous you are, the more complicated your phone number is. Well, no, but it was clearly a country

out in the... It wasn't your 44s or your plus ones, you know what I mean? It was plus 369 or something. It was clearly a country out in the... It wasn't your 44s or your plus ones. You know what I mean? It was plus 369 or something. It was wild. Have a guess at what the Filipino country code is. 364. It's actually just 63.

Oh, there we go. A lot of sixes in there. There we go. So I think every time Manny Pacquiao would have a fight, I'd give him a text. Good luck tonight. He never replied. Never replied.

But at least nowadays with WhatsApp, you could probably see whether he's actually read it. Why are we not doing blatant identity theft on the Luke and Pete show? Blatant data protection issues on the Luke and Pete show. Yeah, exactly. Is it a fair game? Could you argue that, do you reckon?

What, Manny Pacquiao? He's a politician. he's a public interest. If you do over a politician, there seem to be different rules with him, innit? I love that my favourite fact about Manny Pacquiao, who, by the way, his politics are very problematic, is that he booked himself to sing a glorified karaoke residency

in Las Vegas in the hotel across the road from the hotel he was fighting in on the same night. His fight was at like 8pm and he was on stage singing at like 10.30 and he won the fight as well.

Tyson Fury's got quite a nice voice comparatively. It's really hit and miss, Tyson Fury. Right. If you get him on a good day, it's great. He's absolute box office, Tyson Fury.

And in his most recent fight, he obviously, in his post-match, they asked him a question and he just started going, long, long time ago, I can still remember. The whole of American Pie and the whole crowd sang along. It's nice to see. Again, it's politics. It's nice to see these singing boxers. But with Tyson, this is the thing

and we have this conversation in various guises quite a lot I'm not proposing we have it now but just very very briefly we have to think about

what we want to be as a society and if we're liberal and we want to be about rehabilitation and we want to be understanding of people and their past transgressions

if we I'm not saying we should or we shouldn't but if we do then we have to start thinking about people like tyson fury who has done some bad things in the past and said some really hurtful horrible things that have been offensive to a lot of people but has also battled back from huge mental health problems and does at least present himself now and there's making moves towards becoming a reformed character and if that is true i think

that's an interesting story but is he but has he really well that's the question it's hard i mean the specifics i would say he probably hasn't um referenced uh entirely uh you sort of look at um there's a wrestler there's a couple of wrestlers uh who are very who had very strong views uh about this and that back in the day uh who wrestle for um ring of honor and stuff but they'll you get the feeling that the big the big boys will never sort of play with them because they are the briscoe brothers they they they said some things in the past that will just not go away and and they've and they've taught they're not atone for them but they've explained that you know they were fucking idiots or whatever and they've apologized and stuff and and and and i look at that and i sort of go you know that seemed

like an honest uh appraisal of of of of the situation and i kind of believe them but it's it's just it's just not worth uh big companies sort of getting involved with them because you know yeah i understand it's just it's a really tricky situation because i understand and meat heads are usually fucking thick let's be very clear and sometimes people who aren't meat heads yes welcome to the luke and pea show um but but i i understand i'm not i'm not i'm rarely if ever the target of this stuff i'm a straight white man so i get it i totally understand that i have a certain amount of privilege it comes down with my opinion and i acknowledge that but the liberal tradition is to be passionate about

rehabilitation and people trying to improve themselves and be better and understanding about their past mistakes. I think that's a really important part of life. You can't realistically expect to be a great society and to be welcoming and interesting and accommodating and all that stuff. If you go, well that

person who had made that mistake when they were whatever it was, 20 years ago, they can never get past that. If we're in a society where you make a mistake 20 years ago and you can never get past it, it's a crap society. I'm sorry. Of course, some people don't atone. Of course, some people don't look like they've learned their lesson

and they deserve to be treated as such. But the people who do feel like they've tried to atone and made measures towards that, I think we as a society, we should at least try and entertain the idea of that's but it is the difference between kind of like but we are with this we're only ever talking about millionaires doing like millionaire stuff aren't we we're only ever talking about these people who who demand the right to get back to where they were and do the same things that they did before but it's kind of like well look you know you can have that lack of criticism

or you can have the million pounds. You know what I mean? It's kind of like we're only ever talking about someone who, like, you don't have the right to make a load of money off the back of doing it. It's really difficult. What I will say is, if any, I don't know this guy at all, but have you watched any of The Flash?

I remember seeing this guy in We Need to Talk About Kevin. Yeah, I know the TV series you mean. You're talking about the main actor, aren't you? And he's a guy who's clearly got a very interesting home life, let's say, in Hawaii. He rocks around and does mad stuff. But in body camera footage obtained by TMZ, while he's being arrested after spitting in a man's face

during a darts match, the Flash actor Ezra Miller can be heard saying, I film myself when I get assaulted for NFT crypto art. Now, I think I film myself when I get assaulted for NFT crypto art might be up there with what is the charge, a charge of having a delicious Chinese meal. I think that might be the new one.

I think Ezra Miller shouting, I film myself when I get assaulted for nft crypto art while being arrested in hawaii i think might be up there with one of the very best you see the guy who plays arrow i i presume so i don't know yeah he's a he's a funny looking chap but everything i've seen him in he's been pretty good in but uh yeah what's his deal then what's his what's his he's a bit of a he's a bit of a loose cannon he's an interesting guy is he the guy who also was in I'm just trying

sorry to be boring but I'm just trying to make out if I actually know who he is is he the guy who's in is he no he is the Flash isn't he in Suicide Squad and Justice League and stuff

right yeah yeah yeah I know who you mean yeah yeah okay right that's so weird what a weird thing to say yeah I can imagine you saying it, by the way. Damn right.

Not for NFTs, though. They've had a stinking few weeks, haven't they? Well, so has crypto. And I want to talk to you about that, actually. Crypto! It's going down here. Okay, not now. Offline.

Why are you telling me off? We've got a load of listeners complaining about us talking about crypto and NFT. So we'll do it offline. But I'm not very happy with you. Why? What have I done? And the stuff you've made me invest in. Anyway, let's have a break. When we come

back, we're going to try and squeeze an email or two in, because we haven't done one for a while. I've got a really good one here. You've got to know where to hold them, know where to fold them. We'll be back in a minute. Oh yeah! We're back with the Luke Pete Show. My name's Pete Donaldson, joined by Luke Moore, and it's Monday, so no battery

brands for you, but we will get to some emails, which we've been lacking in the past few weeks, has to be said. Yeah, so Nige has been in touch. I like the fact that his parents have called him Nigel, and he said, you know what, I'm going to informalise that. Yeah, Nige, big Nige. Big Nige, small Nige. I'm generally, as a general rule, and I'm not casting aspersions on Nige's character

because I don't know his story and he's emailed us in and it's a great email which we'll get to. So good luck to him. More power to his elbow. Yeah. But I don't, as a general rule, trust people who introduce themselves as the first time by their nickname.

Say again. So if someone's got a nickname which everyone uses, so a lot of people in the office call you Donnie, right? Despite the fact that you want to be known as PD. Don't necessarily respect it. I know you don't like it. Yeah, don't like it. But what I'm saying is, say you did like it.

Yeah. But the first time you met someone, you just introduced yourself as Donnie. Yo, it's Donnie. Yeah, rather than let the nickname permeate naturally through the social event. Yeah. I don't like that.

So you reckon i couldn't get away with being called the flash no you definitely could nft crypto art yeah because i remember there was a kid at our school who um who like he he decided like one day unilaterally that he wanted to be known as something so it was literally to the point where every morning when the kid teacher called the register he was like john i don't respect it and then and then he um all of a sudden like the the teacher was just calling out jonesy jonesy he was decided that he wanted to be i'm making it up so you wouldn't respond unless the teacher used us and the teacher got involved effectively yeah yeah so i do you understand what i mean if someone

comes up to you and says um you know bantasaurus rex you know i mean it's like what's your name well like well like i remember seeing a bit of stand-up with roma shrunger nathan and he uh was talking about his uh obviously sri lankan parents uh they gave him i think his first name is jonathan or richard summit they gave him like a an english first name didn't tell him and the first time he heard about it was at school in register he said jonathan and he went what and he wasn't my name so he gave him a you know jonathan and he sort of made the point that his mom and dad gave him that name uh because you know it's difficult for someone with with the sri lanka name uh to to get on in England so they thought by smoothing it over to might help him out when you know applying for jobs to have a first name Richard

or whatever but he did make the point that his second name is Ranganathan yeah he's not really helped that out is it and Ramesh isn't a tough name to say at all and I don't really like no but you know I mean I don't like the old kind of it's a bit it's a racist microaggression really not making

the effort to pronounce someone's name properly well yeah one of my mates from school like Naomi Wondragler

like teachers would almost revel in you know in the middle of fucking assembly being unable to pronounce a name which is

it's weird I just don't think you should be a fucking teacher if you genuinely think that's fucking okay when was that though in the 80s yeah yeah to pronounce her name, which is... It's weird. I just don't think she'd be a fucking teacher if you genuinely think that's fucking okay. When was that though?

In the 80s? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, but I've seen, I remember, you know, I didn't know Vish before we started the rambling

and I made the point of sort of fucking going, because, you know, Hentaraja is quite a, it's quite a difficult name to get head around when you first hear it. So I went and watched an interview

with somebody interviewing Vish. And this guy made the point of fucking up his name and going, oh, you know, how do you say it? And it's kind of like, it's shit. Jim didn't mean anything by it, though. No, but that's the fucking microaggression that people who don't have fucking Smith names... You missed the joke.

I said Jim didn't mean anything by it. Oh, sorry. Anyway, Peter, I take your point. I agree with you. I think everyone listening agrees with you. Shall we do Nigel's email? Let's do Nigel's email. Shall I call him Nigel or shall I call him Nigel?

What do you think I should do? Oh, let's give him Nigel. It's his choice. So Nigel's email didn't say, Morning, chaps. A few weeks ago, you were discussing the end of Fight Club being changed in China. This led me to a bored at work internet search, which ended up with me finding a website listing the foreign names

for a number of well-known Hollywood blockbusters. Thank you. Yes, please. I've listed a few of my favorites below. So have you seen this, Pete? Because we can have a little bump up. I've not seen this, but I have heard some before. They're absolutely cracking.

I love all that. Okay, so I'll give you the name of the Western kind of English film and you see if you can guess it. Yeah. First film, Nixon. What do you think the Chinese called Nixon?

Fraudulent man. I don't know. Fraudulent president. I don't know. The big liar. The big liar the big liar nice like it another one from China

what do you think the Chinese name for American pie was oh sexy pastry I don't know American virgin man like the American

virgin islands yeah yeah basically yeah Mexico what about what do you think the Mexicans

decided to name the film Thelma and Louise? This is mental. Oh, bad driving. Bad driving. Yeah, that's a good one. They called it The Unexpected Ending. Oh. It kind of ruins the fucking film.

It makes you want to watch more, doesn't it? How about the Chinese name for The Full Monty? Oh, Strip Club. Strip Man. Chinese name for the full Monty. Strip Club. Strip Man. Six Naked Pigs. Six Naked Pigs. That's a bit strong, isn't it?

Yeah, there's a load more. I will do a couple more. Just the ones that I think are the best. China. This is a Chinese one as well. Free Willy. Friendly Whale. A very powerful whale that runs to heaven. This is a Chinese one as well. Free woolly. Friendly whale. A very powerful whale that runs to heaven.

And finally, I'll do this one finally. Oh dear. Last one. This is a Chinese one as well. The sixth sense. The sixth sense. I cannot believe this one is real. In fact, maybe none of them are real, but it's funny anyway. I cannot believe this one is real. Is maybe none of them are real but it's funny anyway i cannot believe this one is real is it a big spoiler think about what would be the worst name for this film uh dead hard die

hard like die hard but dead he is a ghost he is a ghost oh no that's a nightmare it's like me and my spoilers like me and my game of Like me and my Game of Thrones spoilers. Oh, don't get me started on that again. That's the worst day of my life. That's the worst working day of my life. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Nige is from a place called Wallington.

Do you know it? Wallington? No, I don't, actually. Wallington. It's right up north in Northumberland. So I think probably even more north of where you're from, Pete, which is actually quite rare. I thought it was like New Zealand-y or Australian, didn't it? No, it's near Morpeth.

Do you know Morpeth? I know Morpeth, yeah. I've been to Morpeth a few times. I don't actually know why. What business did I have in Morpeth? That's what I want to know. Said the cross-examining barrister. Shall we pile in with a quick message from gary about

endoscopes yeah oh yeah because a lot of people were interested in your endoscope and i don't know i haven't heard anything about um i've i've i've sort of changed my uh mind on that i think i might uh you found that what it entailed i found it what it entailed it was not through the tail we've established that um we've uh we've um uh i thought i can't afford I can't afford it. So I'll use that reference, what do you call it? Like a referral. Yeah. I'm going to email him and say,

can you just refer me to an NHS doctor? Because this is, that is going to be pricey. I told you it was going to be two and a half grand. I broke that list, you won the show. Yeah, I can't afford that. In retrospect, that was quite insensitive and I apologise for that. I think you should lend me two and a half grand. Right, got a message from Gary.

Hi, guys. Long-time gut issue sufferer. Long-time listener. Second-time emailer. Having listened to the previous episode regarding Pete's upcoming endoscopy, I wanted to share a bit of insight. As a Crohn's disease sufferer, I've experienced a number of cameras in various orifices. Crohn's disease, man. Didn't hear about it at all when we were kids. And now it's just something that is just everywhere. And it sounds fucking grim.

Whichever area of the digestive tract the doctor you have access to wishes to investigate dictates which camera is selected. The endoscope in the mouth will reach far down as the terminal ilium, where the small bowel meets large. But if the large intestine is to be checked... Wow, so you can actually go that far down. I was surprised to hear that. Through the small bowel and the... Bloody hell. Then a colonoscopy up the is to be checked. Wow, so you can actually go that far down. I was surprised to hear that. Through the small bowel and the bloody hell.

Then a colonoscopy up the bum would be required. Unfortunately, despite appearing to be the most favorable option, I have to confess that a camera down the throat is sadly a much more uncomfortable position than the colonoscopy due to the fact that, in my experience, the levels of sedation offered are not the same. You will be awake for an endoscope, but can be fully sedated for a camera up the rear.

Anyway, I hope your problem is one that can be solved through a better management of your diet or minor medication. And I won't be welcoming you to the inflammatory bowel disease family. Is that different to the IBD family, I suppose? It can be a dark place at times. Gary, my heart goes out to you. I imagine an endoscope could probably find its way into that. And yeah, Jesus Christ. I feel sorry to hear that, Gary.

You've been through the ringer. Thanks for your insight. I mean, it's an interesting thing. Yeah. I didn't read this email and decide to run edge on my agreement to get a camera system from Athro. I just thought about it and looked at my finances and realised. No, you also, you did ask if you could have the one up your willy

and they said no, remember? Yeah, I just want that, please. I just want that. They said, Mr. Donaldson, we've done all the checks, and we can't find anything wrong with you. And you were just standing there with your trousers down, weren't you? Put it in me. Get it down you.

Listen, I really wish you all the best of your continuing stomach ailments, Pete. Thanks, man. But I do stand by, I apologise for any insensitivity I exhibited, but i do stand by i apologize for any insensitivity insensitivity i exhibited but i do stand by the idea that at best it is a mixed message that you would talk one show about all the terrible stuff you're eating first thing in the morning like fucking greasy pasties at 5 a.m outside leicester square station that was a long time ago well yeah but are you still paying the

price now when you handed over that money, did you have any idea that you would still be paying in many, many ways many years later? That's all I'm asking.

For the veggie ones, they put like a little green dot on them. Oh, really? Yeah. If you ever sort of see a pasty, it's got a little green dot.

Some of the cheaper factories that make these rancid things, you can always tell that it's a veggie one. The Cornish Pasty Company who have outlets all over the country

as far as I know, they do lots of different types of Cornish pasties and they have different pastry designs on the ones that ostensibly look exactly the same

that correspond with a filling. Oh, I like that a lot. Big fan of that. So like a steak in Stilton, for example, may have like, I don't know,

like a little bone pastry on it or something. Bone pastry? A pastry bone. I don't know what it is but they do do it love the old job anyway on that note we should go shouldn't we let's get out of here for quite a it's been good it's been fun fun show yeah it's been really enjoyed hanging out with me oh of course thanks for having me yeah and uh i've forgotten what day it was remember the day remember the day we did i think it's just a mond. It's just a Monday. It's just a Monday. I think it's Monday 23rd today, isn't it?

Yeah. I could check. Yeah, it's Monday 23rd today. Happy obstetric fistula day. I love the idea. Oh, don't start that again. I love the idea that people are listening to this just to get a date check. Oh, what day is it today?

I was just going to look at the picture. They'll say it right at the end. Lovely stuff. Cheers, guys. All right, then. See you soon. See you on Thursday. Ta-ta. lovely stuff cheers guys alright then see you soon see you on Thursday ta ta the Luke and Pete show

is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network