The Luke and Pete Show - The reincarnation of Diggory Donaldson

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

It’s a transformational show for Pete today. He opens it with a major announcement about a seismic change he has made to his life. What's more, we then hear there's been an enormous change to the aesthetic of his alter ego, Diggory. Finally, we have a delightful email relating to night-out shortcuts and getting attacked by big cats.We want to hear your stories relating to best/worst night-out shortcuts, getting attacked by animals and the most severe way you’ve hurt your hand. Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's get going. It's the Luke and Pete Show. It's Thursday. That means batteries, boys, brands and babies. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing on the show today. Batteries, boys, babies. I've not read the emails.

There might be one. There might be something that kind of fits that bill. But I do hope you're keeping well. We're back. Luke Miller. How are you doing? I am feeling've not read the emails. There might be one. There might be something that kind of fits that bill. But I do hope you're keeping well. We're back. Luke Miller. How are you doing? I am feeling on top of the world. Because since the last show and this show, I have become broadly veggie.

Okay. Nice. Three days, I have not eaten a single bit of meat. And I'm feeling powerful. My stomach isn't hurting. Good. So maybe that's my life now. Not eating pork belly from the Mexican.

I think we should be. Not eating massive turkey legs at Christmas. I think what we've done, I think everyone listening, and I'll include myself in this, I'm absolutely delighted to hear that. Congratulations to you. I think you've done what you normally do, which is go from one extreme wildly veer to the other with no moderation in between steering the slide and i'm here for it

i'm actually here for it and i think um you should probably regale us with your tales of your favorite vegetarian recipes so far surely oh well it very much coincides luke with me buying an air fryer. Oh, right. I'll do a bit of a twist to this tale. Shy Milan. Me figuring out that I am very partial to a bit of dehydrated watermelon. I've just spent the whole... You remember when Chandler's housemate... You can put watermelon in the air fryer.

Chandler's housemate and friends one time and he's a weird housemate. He's got like a dehydrating machine, and he dehydrates loads of fruit, and he makes like an apple into like a small, you know, little snooker bottle. Dry apple. And he,

and I've basically become obsessed with dehydrating stuff. So, the man over the road, Damien, he gave me some persimmons. They went straight in there. So I'm chomping on dry persimmons in the morning it's delicious uh Damien gets so many mentions on this show he does he does is he your favorite ever neighbor he's a solid chat well Stuart runs a close and Neil across down the road uh the bloke over there looks just like Mike Ashley and I cannot stop and he doesn't seem

aware of it you'd think he'd mention it. What are the current Donaldson neighbour power rankings? And Damien's number one. What do you mean? As in like physical... Power rankings. No, power rankings like American sports shows do where they talk about who's the number one neighbour at the moment. The most informed neighbour.

Well, Stuart's very kind. Damien's done so much for you though. Rum and persimmons and all sorts. And he's on the council. You'd think if you need a parking permit, he'd probably help you out. I think it would be a very strong diplomatic move to put him top of the power rankings, mate. Yeah. What do you mean?

Yeah, you're right, actually. And my power rankings have historically been the kingmaker when it comes to... If we're looking at the Tory party, Liz Truss is Stu next door. Popular. my power rankings have historically been the kingmaker when it comes to, like, if we're looking at like the Tory party, Liz Truss is Stu next door. Popular. Actually, why am I comparing Liz Truss?

She's terrible. But she is popular. But the voters seem to like it. Stuart's lovely. Stuart's brilliant. Look, it's hard. It's difficult.

They've all got good points. I've not seen many of their bad points, but you know, we've only been in for six months but shit will go down at some point at some point shit will go down there'll be some kind of dispute you know some you know and and it'll really separate the kind of men from the boys because it'll be like how are the people going to react to this are they going to step up are they going to stand tall are they going to get upset what's going to go on i think i think people will see a different side of you I think

but I think working with you has made me a more conscientious they'll see the back of you because you'll run a mile rather than get involved less willing to create a hubbub well no, I don't create a hubbub I'm more, I'm less willing to

freak out and cry these days. Yeah, you used to be very combustible. Do you see me as somebody who likes to create a hubbub? Is that what you're saying? You don't mind a hubbub. But I don't create one, do I? As you've got older, you are more than willing to sort of go,

I don't care about this. Whereas I'm still very much like, I've got a strong opinion about this, but I'm not going to tell anyone about it because it'll create problems. But you're very much, I just don't care. I've got other things to do.

Goodbye. Yeah, that is true. But I think that might be what we eat, might be what's eating your gut, mate. What do you mean? You're internalizing a lot of rage

and it's manifesting itself in a serious IBS. It is, it probably in stress isn't it yeah oh dear so so so i mean in my neighborhood we've got i'll give you a power ranking to my neighborhood if you want we got um derrick next door absolutely um you know credited himself on new year's eve came out into the garden with us uninvited but very welcome uh and i got brought some champagne out and it was an absolute pleasure

to be neighbourly with downstairs Anthony and Yolanda very very nice couple always inviting us to do stuff always bringing food up and when we're away crucially

Anthony does feed the cats for us so they're probably top of the power rankings lovely lovely next door we've got Kieran and Rebecca Kieran can probably hear me now

because his office is right next to my office he plays a lot of Call of Duty I play a lot of PUBG we don't complain about each other's behavior you never uh you're like that advert with the two guys playing vr next to each other it's a bit like that actually they don't know that you're uh fighting fighting the same fight and and kieran would very much be the handsome one in that advert

i would be the uh the kind of just token fat fella um and and uh i wish he to be fair i wish he did play pub g i asked him the reason I know he plays Call of Duty is because I asked him and said because if he was going to say PUBG I'd say fuck did you fancy a game

but he said he only plays Call of Duty so never the twain shall meet but overall a nice bunch a very very nice bunch

well I mean if he's kind of like is he kind of wedded to the Activision kind of Microsoft side of things and you're very much

kind of like, I think that's a Chinese company or a Korean company that did... I'm not sure who makes PUBG but there was a big update last week. Oh, there was a big update?

A big update. What's new? What's new, baby? What's new? Drones, baby. Drones? You can fly drones around. I jumped on a ship

and I got caught outside the sphere, the radius of war. I got in all kinds of trouble. I got excited. The theatre of conflict. There's drones. There's also EMT. You can become an EMT now, so you can, in the battle, you can actually dish out all the medic stuff.

Oh. And I'll tell you what. Electromagnetic tit? What is this what that's how men breastfeed um no it's basically if you've got you have a squad of four and if one of you volunteers to be the emt it's fucking amazing because i just run around dishing you out more health it's the most boring job in the whole fucking game i don't anyone it's like being a keeper at fifa But people do do it. So there's a little bit of an update there. It's been good, mate. It's staying interesting for me.

But anyway, anyway. You're happy. You said you're in a good mood because you've gone veggie. I've got some more good news for you because producer Rory found a flower, which is a very beautiful flower. It looks a bit like an ornate snow drop for those of you who are green fingered

and it's name is Galanthus Diggory and that was going to be your name Diggory and that's the name we have when you go off peace and start doing mad stuff after dark it wasn't Pete Donaldson it was Diggory Donaldson. Diggory time yeah. And there's a plant called Diggory how doon. Diggory time, yeah. And there's a plant called Diggory. How do you

feel about that? Finally some recognition. I guess it depends on what it kind of looks like, I suppose. Isn't it a particularly attractive version of the snowdrop? It's a beautiful snowdrop. It's a beautiful drop. I wish I could buy you one and send it to your house.

It's a bulbous perennial with solitary white bowl-shaped flowers appearing in late winter. And it's got dark green pleated leaves. I'm looking at a different report

from the Daily Mail's Plant of the Week. Galanthus diggeri. This is why this has come up. The variety name of Little Snowdrop. When closed, the flower is beautifully rotund. That makes two of us. Rotund. I've had a heavy...

That's why I bought an air fryer. I've had a heavy January. Come on. Mini dimples in the petals. Up yours, Daily Mail. There's your sidebar of shame. Up yours. Right up yours. You have got very lovely ple up yours you have got very lovely pleated leaves

I do have lovely pleated leaves I'd agree with that it's a nice thing I've not got a plant or a flower named after me but anyway do you want to play PUBG with me at some point yeah well now it's free because I won't invest more than £3 in our relationship

do you know when people have the conversation in the US that they should cancel all student debt because it's crippling the economy? Yeah. And then people say, what about those people who have to pay all their student loans? That's how I feel when you said they made PUBG free. No, because I bought it when it was 20 quid on the PC

about four years ago. So I was there. I helped mould the experience you're having, mate. My important kind of, like, surveys that I filled in saying what I liked about the game. I sat at the golden joysticks next to player unknown himself. Did you? The guy who designed the fucking thing.

And he told me about the snow level was going to have fucking footprints. And I was like, that is going to revolutionise the game. And then it came and it didn't revolutionise the game. And then it came, and it didn't revolutionise the game, and then he's out on his ear. Is he not involved anymore? But he was a nice chap. Great hair. Seemed to be, yeah, nice chap.

Pete, is he not involved anymore? He's out. He's out of the game. He's off. Did he get a lot of wedge, though, to leave? Oh, mate. The amount of money at the top of the tree in video game studios is amazing but is it Cortic? Whoever it was who's in Activision who

obviously had a massive buyout, problematic individual, so I can't remember his name is Cortic so let's make it very clear that I'm not meaning Bobby Cortic, but it might be but it's not and he's the head of Activision and he oversaw a culture of bullying and sexual impropriety and all kinds of fucking rotten shit.

And he's going to get an astonishing space money payout when now Microsoft have bought Activision. He's going to make, like, hundreds of millions, like, insane amounts of money. But you only have to go, like like a couple of rungs down that ladder and you get fuck all for working all the hours at God's End

it's insane yeah I bet amazing a lot of industries like that though aren't they I'm obsessed with it's worth checking out

you know the video game Yakuza I've mentioned it a few times yes on this podcast it's just a really fun silly quintessentially Japanese

kind of fighting game slash you know JRPG or whatever anyway Japanese kind of fighting game slash, you know, JRPG or whatever. Anyway, the creator of that game is a guy who was just a, you know, just a normal job in kind of head of studio at a Japanese studio. And he looks completely normal, right? And Yakuza is all about sin and sex work and fighting and the Yakuza and crime and uh and terrible stuff and over the years this guy through making more and more yakuza's he's become like this kind of like weird he's clearly had a lot of plastic surgery done he's got a lovely tan and stuff he looks like uh i think

they used to call him like shibuya girls he's got that kind of like very tan skin he looks like a real creeper side i just felt that kind of a thing it's because he's got that kind of like very tan skin he looks like a real creeper's height i just felt that kind of a thing it's because he's got too close to his own product and he's made like fucking 12 13 of these games and as it's gone along this guy he's broken off to i only say because he's broken off to build us on studio but this guy's just got more and more looking like more and more of a problem i'm looking at a picture of him now and he's 56 and he looks ageless yeah yeah he looks incredible uh he's become the he's become the art well yeah he like uh yeah he's uh he's this kind of like he didn't always look like that now he looks like this kind

of weird kind of hollywood like japanese dude but he didn't always look like that now he looks like this kind of weird kind of hollywood like japanese dude but he didn't always look like that he used to look very very different indeed but he's just kind of over the years he just went i'll just lean into it i'll just lean into it now i look like a character from my video my story would you recommend that for someone who only ever plays pub g and fifa it's a lot of fun you'd love a bit of yakuza. It's an absolute load of nonsense, but fun nonsense at that. Is it possible that what's happened to the creator could also happen to me? Well, you could go from looking like quite a normal chap into looking like a very strange man indeed,

which is what has happened to him. He used to look like that. Oh, okay, right, yeah. And now he looks like this. Yeah, very strange. Very strange. Amazing. And an amazing, yeah. And now he looks like this. Yeah, it's very strange. Very strange. Amazing. And an amazing experience for our listeners, I'm sure we can agree, to see.

Well, look, just give him a Google. Yeah, give him a Google. You've got a phone, haven't you? How he's changed over the years. Yeah. In many ways, I used to look normal. Now I look like I'm doing this show too much. I look like a turd or some puke or some cum or something, you know.

No, you don't. You look the same, really. Yeah? Oh, cheers, mate don't. You look the same, really. Yeah? Oh, cheers, mate. Yeah, you look the same. Apart from those chin fillers you've had, let's have a quick break. When we come back, we'll do some more battery brands.

It's just fat, mate. It's just fat. Because that's what I say when people say, have you put on weight? No, it's fillers. We'll do some battery brands and we'll squeeze in some emails as well, so don't go anywhere.

We'll see you in a sec. Looking for your next podcast binge well look no further the offensive is a football mockumentary that follows premier league club ashwood city as their money-grabbing owner and his board via from one crisis to another sounds familiar well things are reaching breaking point this January as Real Madrid come calling for Ashwood's star player. Oh, and Patrick's going to accept 180 million euros for Kevin. Wait, wait, hang on, wait. Woody, I'm just getting my dick out. Ah, fuck you and your dick. It's just getting my dick out, Woody.

It's part of the negotiations. Woody, my dick. Patrick, these are the new work experience intake for the marketing team. Uh, hi. Hiya. The Offensive, where the thick of it meets the Premier League. Subscribe now and enjoy more than 130 episodes. The Offensive is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

and part of the Acast Creator Network. We're back with a Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Luke Moore. And even though COVID is a distant memory for me, I'm still feeling quite desiccated, Luke. I'm drinking more water than ever before. Look, I'm drinking water.

I'm drinking water during a Luke and Pete show. Is that a fizzy water, by the way? It looks like fizzy water. Oh, it's a fizzy water. Why are you drinking fizzy water on a record? That's an absolute no-no. Why? You know why.

Little burpees. Big burps. Big belchies. Big belchies. I've been drinking fizzy water for life, baby. Right, are you going to do the battery brands and I'll search for them? Is that how we're going to do it? I'll do the battery brands.

You get in that email section. Okay, I love it. Hello to Sean from Whitley Bay. Happy New Year, chaps, if that's still allowed to be said. He actually sent this email on the 10th, but it's now a lot later. Nah, we can't be having that

happy new year now. Fuck you now. It's fucking February. Here are a couple of entries for possible new players. I'm not sure if they'll count, though, as they've not been found in a device they were requested for one my daughter get this my daughter was given a toy potter's wheel for christmas where the hell where the hell

does that go what a great present classically classically i've got the burps oh you you warned me i've got the burps i'm so sorry everyone uh yeah given a toy's potter's wheel for christmas and classically came it came sans cells. Given the mechanical nature of this toy, it needed some hefty power, so it needed, get this, three Cs. Three Cs. Wow.

Come on. Okay. Obviously, we've known in the house, as we haven't had a boom box since the mid-90s. We're currently in COVID isolation, so we put out a shout-out to my father-in-law, because he's a classic dad. He's got a drawer full of batteries in the garage

and he bought these beauts three Aerosel which I don't hold out much hope for I think they're just a little Aldi owned brand but the Sagasa Evolution piqued my interest so I thought I'd better check, how goes it? do we have a winner? Aerosel, I think we've heard before definitely but Sagasa Evolution

C-E-G-A-S-A Sagasa Evolution I'm not going-G-A-S-A, Sagasa Evolution. I'm not going to waste everyone's time by telling you just how many people have sent in aerosols before, so that's a no. Sagasa Evolution, I was actually surprised to hear, is not a new player, because on the 27th of May 2018, Nick Gray,

hello to you, Nick, if you're still listening to the show, sent in some Sagasa Evolution. So although Sean is only Gray. Hello to you, Nick, if you're still listening to the show. Sent in some Sagasa Evolutions. So although Sean is only the second person to send them in, they are not a new player. So nice try, but no luck. Good stuff. Let's move on to... We've got Dave T.

Hello, chaps. Hope this finds you well. Been listening to the show for a while now. Finally got around to sending these in, as I haven't heard these come up. I often listen to the show while I'm commuting, and it makes the drive a lot more entertaining. So keep up the good work.

He's come in with Ningli Super Heavy Duty. N-I-N-G-L-I. I don't think that's a new player, Luke. I think we've had them before. Yeah, sorry to say, Dave, that unfortunately Ningli have been sent in by Mark Elms. Hello to you, Mark, a friend of the show, on the 8th of January 2018. So they're not a new player either. I'll tell you what, though.

I mean, Ningli and Cigar Evolution, good contenders, but just not quite there. Yeah, they just need to get a little bit further. They're close, but no cigar. Cigars, same shit as batteries, of course. Hello to... Who have we got here not got a name

but hello gentlemen I'm writing to you from the sunny climes of Barcelona where I'm currently visiting my girlfriend Dan Polidano

apologies that's very rude of me Dan Polidano's come in coming from Barcelona visiting his girlfriend I've taken it upon myself to raid her cupboards and devices

to see if I can become a big player in the new battery brand world, potentially snapping up the position of Spain's foremost battery correspondent for the show. I have these offerings for you. Premio Super Alcalina and Super Pila Alcalina. Very nice. Marina Gasolina. I believe.

I think Dan has hit on something here so I think that both Premio Super Alkalina and Super Pila Alkalina are new players he's also sent a couple of others in there but they're definitely not new players but the ones we're focusing on, Premio Super Alkalina and Super Pila Alkalina are

according to our email records, new players, so congratulations to you Dan we got them if you feel like you sent those in earlier are, according to our email records, new players. So congratulations to you, Dan. Got one. We got them. We got them. If you feel that you sent those in earlier, they're not coming up in our email, maybe you sent them in on Twitter or whatever,

or Instagram, then let us know. But until then, Dan does occupy the Halcyon territory of entering a new player into the game on the Luke and Pete show. So congratulations to you, Mr. Dan. Congratulations to him. And congratulations to us, Mr. Dan. Congratulations to him. And congratulations to us. We've not liable Bobby Cortic. He's indeed the CEO of Activision. Thanks, everyone.

Thanks for playing. That's good because you had that on your mind, I could tell. I did have it on my mind. He's going to get a lot of money soon. More money than he has now. Right, we've got a message. We were talking about Luke-a-likes, Luke-y, Luke-y, Luke-a lookalikes, people who look like Luke Muir,

last week, and we're going to continue that theme for one email only. Tom Curry has got in touch. Luke, have you been in China? No, never been. Hi, Luke and Pete. Tom here. Just wanted to let you know about a strange coincidence that happened to me a couple of nights ago. I live in Chengdu, China, and I've done so for

a few years now. I've listened to the Laps show and the Football Ramble for longer and I'm a keen follower of both your great works. A couple of nights ago I was heading out to play a local Fiverside game as I have for a while now and met up with the other guys. A new player had joined. A tall guy, lights double, golden locks.

My first thought was, this guy really looks like Luke Moore. Five minutes later we were introduced. Hi, I am Luke. Hmm, was this actually him? After the five-a-side had finished, we were walking the same way, so I got the chance to have a further chat. Told him I was a Sunderland fan, to which he replied, oh, you are in League One with us

and we have a little rivalry. I'm a Portsmouth fan and I'm from the area. A Portsmouth fan from the area called Luke and spitting dabs. What does that mean? Spitting dabs? I guess it just means I look like him, yeah. Oh, spitting dabs. What does that mean? Spitting Dabs. You got any clue? I look like him, yeah. Oh, Spitting Dabs. Right, sorry.

Yes. Could it be Luke Moore on a sly Chinese holiday? I had to ask. Unfortunately, Luke, it wasn't you. But he knows who you are and also listens to both shows and likes them as well. So we've got two more fans from China. I would have attached a picture,

but it is a bit of a strange request as someone I had met for a couple of hours. As he is probably listening, let's have a shout out for the second Luke. Great show, guys. Keep the good work, Tom. I think we should have a shout out, and I think if you are listening, Luke, you should send a fight or win to see if you are indeed a Chinese doppelganger.

Because that is a massive coincidence, all that stuff. Exactly, and by virtue of the fact that he is listening, we have to be very polite about what he looks like, so we can't slag him off, and so Luke's not going to feel bad about him looking like you. I will slag him off if I think he looks funny. What's wrong with that? Surely

me of all people has the right to do so, and you could as well if you wanted to. I mean, it's not the most encouraging way to email him, is it? There we go. Thanks for that. And what about this from Connor Connor Connor says hi chaps on the story of Luke's

a shortcut on a night out and subsequent trip to A&E this reminded me of a related but happier incident in Barcelona do you remember that Pete a friend of mine

split his chin open A&E tedious blah blah blah he's fine now Connor says circa 2014 I was spending the summer

in Barcelona with a friend from London And we were walking from a bar To the port area Where there was a gaggle of nightclubs Is that the collective noun for a nightclub? A gaggle? Yeah a problem of nightclubs I suppose A noise of nightclubs

A hangover of nightclubs We came to a park we would usually walk through on this route But it was around 11pm and so it was closed We could see some people inside so we decided it was safe to climb the fence and go through the park anyway fast forward half an hour later and we are lost in this park seemingly unaware of how big it was and how drunk we were we eventually came to a large railed fence which i decided we should climb and it would inevitably take us to the right side of the park i scaled the 15 foot ish fence and as i was sat atop ready to jump down three or four police came running from a little building we hadn't noticed before shouting at me and grabbing

my mate sam i was faced with the choice of legging it onto the other side of the fence or gallantly going back to help my friend i returned to Sam and the quite pissed off police and my gallantry was rewarded as they advised me that I had been climbing into the zoo and would have landed in an animal enclosure. Oh, wow. They told me some kind of big cat

but I think it might have been just to reinforce the severity of my fuck up. Myself and Sam had been studying Spanish so we were able to explain ourselves to a point and this we were told saved us from a night in the cells for trespassing in the park and an attempted break into the zoo we had our passports photocopied told not to be such idiots and escorted out of the park and onto the fabled port area

the veiled lesson here never leave your mates behind as you might get your head ripped off all the best connor i mean that is a close shave that is a close shave. That is a close shave, but also... Was it at night? Yeah, it was at night, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, I guess they're running from... Yeah, but the animals still exist, Pete. The zoo's just not open. I'm just wondering how they got a fucking photocopier in the dead of night on foot.

Police station. Police station? Well, I just re-read it. I just read it at the police station, didn't I? Wasn't really listening, was I, mate? You're still checking about Bobby Kotick just checking my getting my

legal ducks in the row Bobby Kotick ordering some Galanthus Diggory on Monty Don's website that is a great

shortcut story I love the idea of getting emails in from the listeners hello at lukeandpicture.com about your most

eventful shortcuts. Does that have to be drunk? Can just be with a headstrong competitive dad out on a walk in the countryside before you know it you're in Wales. You know, that kind of thing would be good. Have you ever been in a situation where you've been proper mauled by something?

That's the last time you got really bloody mauled. That's a really good email subject as well. What's the last time you got really bloody mauled that's a really good email subject as well what's the most dangerous slash biggest animal you've been attacked by yeah and have you have you ever hurt your hand have you got a hand hurting story like how have you put it in something have you chopped bits of it off yeah what's the worst you've hurt your hand have you burned it have you cut it have you um i don't know just for a lap pulled all your veins out your hand? Have you burned it? Have you cut it? Have you, I don't know, just for a laugh pulled all your veins out your hand? I don't know.

Like, just let us know. Right, so, biggest thing you've been attacked by? Yes. Shortcut stories

and the way and the worst way you've hurt your hand. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com That's your challenge, listeners. The Luke and Pete Show

family is a broad church. I'm sure there'll be plenty of candidates for great stories. Hello at Lukeandpetech.com. That's your challenge, listeners. The Luke and Pete Show family is a broad church. I'm sure there'll be plenty of candidates for great stories. Hello at lukeandpetech.com with any of those three, and we'll read our favourites out on our next show. Peter, I think it's time for us to draw stumps, as they say in cricket. Bloody stumps. And head back to the pavilion.

Do you want to translate that for our international, our American listeners? I just hit a home run. It's time to go home to have some candy. Perfectly done. Perfectly done. Now everyone will know what that means. Thank you very much for listening to us.

We appreciate your company as ever. You can leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It would be great if you drop a five-star review on there. It helps other people to find us. And it also gives us that affirmation that we so desperately crave as two needy broadcasters over the age of 40. Leave us a nice review. It would be really, really appreciated.

Until next time, stay safe, look after yourselves and each other. This has been the Luke and Pete Show. I've been Luke, and he's been Pete. I've been Toshihiro Nogoshi, thank you. You do look a bit like him. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.