The Luke and Pete Show - The Shoreditch of Lithuania

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Pinch punch! It’s the 1st of November and spooky season has been and gone. Today we chat about Halloween, and more importantly, how Pete didn’t invite Luke to his party. Pete also tells us about his trip to The Republic of Užupis, The Shoreditch of Lithuania. (He didn’t invite Luke to that either) As usual, we finish off with a few emails, including a wholesome story about dad karate and a slightly less wholesome correspondence about a Dad that may or may not have worked for The Stasi. Was your dad in The Stasi? Send it to [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There was dirt on daddy's clothes. Welcome to the LukaPicture. It is Monday the 1st of November. Pitch Puts 1st of the month. Luke Moore, how did this happen? It's November already. I don't know how it happened. Same as it happens every year, brother. It's horrible. I am now so old that I get a little bit jet-lagged by the clocks going back. I just bored the shit out of myself all day yesterday, just looking at myself and looking at my watch, looking at my phone, thinking to myself,

God, it doesn't feel... It feels a lot later than this. And this morning when I was like, well, what's the sun doing up? Why, it's 7.30. Last week when I was driving to the Football Ramble Towers, I was driving during the dark.

I quite enjoy driving during the dark when I remember to put my lights on and people would have a flash for me and tell me to put my lights on. Other road users don't enjoy that. And it wasn't that long ago, Pete Donaldson, Pete Diggory Dog, when you would be coming in at 7.30.

Am I right? Oh, what? Like after a night on the tiles? Yeah. Talking about you being a bit of a ledge. An absolute hammer ledge. Absolute booze hound. Absolute.

When was the last time you stayed out on the piss till 7.30 in the morning? I went to... I stayed out quite late, until about 2 o'clock, which is late for me these days. I went to... A few weeks ago, I went to Vil i stayed out quite late until about two o'clock which is late for me these days uh i went to um a few weeks ago i went to vilnius are you familiar with lithuania luke no i'm not familiar with it i know where it is mate was mate was going to uh we had a mate going

from liverpool mate coming from uh london and me uh who i'm so i would certainly describe myself as my own mate i hate myself but um we were like, all right, let's have a quick, like, you know, tea time flight, get back on Sunday, kind of under 48 hours in a foreign country because we have not done that for a little while. And the rules have relaxed slightly. Let's figure out where we can go. And the only two places we could go,

the lad in Liverpool could go to, straight from John Lennon or the Manchester airports. The only one he could go to was like Poland or um Lithuania and we'd been to Poland before or I'd been to Poland before so let's do Lithuania and then turns out he couldn't come anywhere so then we were stuck I mean we could have gone from anywhere so me and my friend Craig were stuck going to Luton Airport on a Friday afternoon, Friday tea time, getting on a flight. It was the worst boarding experience of my life. Luton is insane at the best of times. And it's somehow gotten worse after lockdown.

And yeah, but I would like to review Vilnius. I put this in the running order. Before you review it, can I just let you know where I am with this? Okay. You've made going away on holiday sound worse than not going away on holiday for, I think, the 50th time. Well, getting back,

getting back in the passport queue, they weren't checking anything. They were just checking the passports. It was the longest line I've ever been in. They warned us that it was going to take an hour and a half. I mean, we're here. We're here now. I'm legally entitled to be here.

I've done everything I need to do. Just let me walk out of the emergency exit. Let me just walk. I'm legally entitled to it. Just let me out. I don't need to go in this queue. Have you just solved Brexit? Just let me in.

Just open all of the emergency exits, I'm crying out loud. I don't think the problem, Pete, if a hundred years of air travel have taught us and borders is that sometimes you can't take people's word for it. Come on. Not everyone's as trustworthy as you. Look at me. Before you talk to me about Vilnius,

which you desperately want to review, and I imagine it's going to be some kind of review of six hours in an indie bar. Disgusting. Walking around some kind of alternative district and something very brief about the food. Before we do that, can you please just tell me what made boarding at Luton so bad?

Big bloody queue. This is the Whiz Air queue. I mean, it's Whiz Air. We're not talking your Premier. But I think it's owned by Aeroflot, one of the Russian ones, anyway. And, yeah, you're boarding there, and there's this big snaky queue that is about an hour and a half long,

even though you get there two hours before, for a tiny little trip, a cheeky little trip to Eastern Europe. And, yeah, you get in and because it takes so long to get in the queue, they're pulling people out of the queue to board the flight that are about to be leaving, except they put you in a new queue

that was longer than the original queue that you were in and everyone's screaming and shouting and it's like an episode of Airport. And I'm sitting there going, why is everyone so angry? This always happens at Luton. You've never been to Luton before. It's almost as if, Luke,

they don't know how many flights are landing or going away from the airport. Like, you'd think there's a number. They know how many people are going to be arriving at any one time. Sort that bit out. Luton Airport was crap before COVID, though. Yeah.

They've improved their food options. I've noticed that. What are they now? Well, past security, there's loads of different ones. Like, they weren't there before. But to be honest, lads, you're never going to allow people to use them because they're always running for their fucking flight after they've got through security

because the queues are too long on land side. And then when we got back, there's a's a big queue hour and a half waiting for to do your passport proper like oh this is bloody brexit blah blah blah um and uh there were people tweeting i sort of googled i did a search on twitter for people complaining about the queue at luton so there were people in my queue in front of me behind me taking pictures of my line taking the picture of my head and put it on Twitter saying this is disgraceful Luton, you've let us down for the last time, I'm fuming. I was going that's the back of my

head. They're taking pictures of the back of my head and put them on Twitter. Do you feel solidarity with those people? I don't think there's any excuse to start whinging on Twitter because it's Luton Airport. They know what they are. They know they're an agent of chaos. They know they're not organized. Some airports just want to watch the world burn they really do they really do how's Vilnius anyway but it's it sounds stag doey it sounds like eastern europe it's uh it's not it is very

affordable it's very cheap nobody really knows where it is and it's just fucking stunning and the mixture of architecture these are wooden like out, out of, like, the main town centre, the old town sort of thing, which looks like any old town in Europe. And, you know, this is a country that had been taken over by, you know, I think Napoleon had a crack, the Nazis had it, the Soviets obviously had it for the longest time.

And so there's this wonderful, weird mix of, like, these kind of, outside of the main bit, these kind of, like, little sort of green wooden shacks and stuff that somehow managed to defeat the Lithuanian winter and then these massive Soviet brutalist kind of high-risers. And the mixture is so cool and the food is so like Soviet. It's so kind of like, you know, very suity food and borscht and all that stuff and it's so good. And, you know, very suity food and borscht and all that stuff.

And it's so good. And the people are blooming lovely. Everyone speaks unbelievable English. And the beer is very cheap. So I heartily recommend it. But there is a place called Uzupis. Or Uzupis, I think. Is this the Indy bar?

It's not an Indy bar, no. It's a UNESCO World Heritage site. It's in Vil's in villas it could be both those things it could be both those things a unesco world heritage it's culturally very significant yeah a unesco world heritage indie indie band i think indie site i think i could be able to i should be on the board for that because i've tried all of the indie bars in the whole of uh in the whole of Europe. But a UNESCO World Heritage Site, it means beyond the river, or the other side of the river in Lithuanian,

one of the oldest languages in the world, of course. And basically it's like this, in 1997, it was this kind of like, I think it was like the old Red Lake District and kind of like a commercial area. And they, in the 90s, it started attracting like a lot of bohemian, a lot of hippies, a lot of people like that. And they basically reinvented it as its own republic. They declared independence, the Republic of Azupis, with its own constitution. It is the only constitution in the world, in the non-world, that mentions artificial intelligence in its own constitution.

artificial intelligence in its own constitution. And it's just really interesting. It's an old Jewish area, an old kind of industrial area sort of built under Soviet rule. But the flag is like a hand with a hole in it. And there's just mad stuff going on. The constitution is everyone has the right to live by the River Vilnius and the River Vilnius has the right to flow by everyone. Everyone has the right to live by the River Villeneuve and the River Villeneuve has the right to flow by everyone. Everyone has the right to be happy.

Everyone has the right to be unhappy. Everyone has the right to be silent. Everyone has the right to have faith. No one has the right to violence. And it's all this stuff and then it goes sort of through and it's like everyone has the right to celebrate or not celebrate their birthday. It's really weird.

The only things they're really arsey about is everyone shall remember their name. What have you done? There's 41 points to their constitution. We're looking at it now because you shared a link. The last three points of their constitution are do not defeat, do not fight back and do not surrender. They've not thought about that, have they?

Oh, they've thought about it too much. Too much, yeah. So did you feel like you could find yourself becoming a permanent resident of Ouzoupis? Oh, look, the big kind of like tortoise, the big sculpture that has now been replaced, but for the longest time. Isn't it a giant egg?

It's just a big egg, Luke. It's just a big egg, mate. Amazing. That's cool. What's the point of that, though? I don't know. It's basically just Shoreditch of of that, though? I don't know. It's basically just Shoreditch of Lithuania, but I enjoyed it immensely.

I've told you before, my patience for people with wacky haircuts and artistic ideals in Shoreditch, I have very little patience with. But as soon as I step over a border into Wales or Scotland or anywhere else, it's suddenly interesting and they're well within their rights to do it.

I don't think it is Shoreditch anymore. I don't think all the cool kids are going to Shoreditch these days. Is it Haggerston? I think Shoreditch is a little bit... Is it Hoxton? Yeah, a little bit past that now. I think it's all Hackney Wick and Peckham now. Because all the house prices were so expensive in Shoreditch,

people, they say that Clapton... Is it Clapton or Clacton? Which one's on the murder mile? Clapton. Clapton. Clapton Pond. Clapton's Clacton? Which one's on the murder mile? Clapton. Clapton. Clapton Pond. Clapton's in Essex, near where you live. That's right, yes.

Yeah. We errantly bought some film tickets to the wrong cinema in Clapton. Clapton. Clapton. How far away is that from where you live? It's quite a schlep. It was needlessly lengthy,

so we just went to the audience in Southend. So there you go. Speaking of which, I went to see June at the weekend. Oh, a bit of eel nerve. Now I love, I love that Blade Runner film,

what we talked about earlier on in our run, in our little pitch show run. Is it as good as Blade Runner was for me? Well, this is a difficult question to unpack because A, I haven't seen that Blade Runner film for me? Well, this is a difficult question to unpack because A, I haven't seen that Blade Runner film. B, I don't know what you're currently thinking.

Yeah. So I'll tell you, I thought it was good. I enjoyed watching it. It was, yeah, it was a cool thing. I mean, it's bloody long, by the way. And it got to the point where it didn't quite cross the too slow pace threshold for me, but you could certainly see that threshold from where it was.

And if you craned your neck, you could definitely see the too slow pace threshold for sure. But it was cool. What's interesting to me is that Timothee Chalamet doesn't look like any other human being, but he looks brilliant on camera. Do you know what I mean? He kind of looks... He's got a very distinctive face.

He kind of looks a little bit like... Like, we had a lot of trick-or-treaters last night, and some of the teenagers looked a bit like that. What's your policy? Oh, yeah, open to all. I mean, the teenagers were taking the mic because they were shouting, happy birthday, happy Christmas,

instead of happy Halloween. And I was, look, if you're going to turn to my door, don't be chippy. Don't try and flirt with your mates. On my time, quite frankly. I've got five fun-sized chomps here. Don't get the piss. A chomp, a ten-pence chomp is a fun-sized chomp.

How did you make it clear to... So, obviously, because the wife I have access to, being American, I think she genuinely laments how poor Halloween is in London compared to the US. You know I do like a bit of Halloween, and I certainly like dressing up, but went back to the well, re-got me Edwin Cezanne's costume out of the loft,

and, yeah, that was back on for one last hurrah. got me Edward Cezanne's costume out of the loft and yeah that was back on for one last hurrah to me it looked a bit like watching Rolando Stones live in the late 80s it's a little bit

friends the reunion it's a little bit it's not the same it's not the same they look weird and you're the one who's had a colossal amount

of barbiturates as well in that no Edward did Edward did it wasn't me it was edward yeah you can't keep doing that pete go inside it was space drugs it was edward space drugs to make him a real boy so the way the wife i have access to said to me that um one of the most legendary halloween things to happen when she was growing up in connecticut was that um people would leave

their porch lights on and have their house decorated and that meant you could go to their house. And they would go, they would collect so much candy, as she would call it, that they would go with pillowcases and by the end of their run, the pillowcase would be full.

Right? That's the level of confectionery we're talking about. Anyway, so if the house is decorated and the porch light's on you can go up there and say trick or treat right

she said once there was a house decorated and for Halloween and there was a scarecrow on the porch on the swinging chair kind of thing

and they knocked on the door she was about eight I think she was a few of her friends knocked on the door and no one about eight. I think she was a few of her friends. Knocked on the door and no one answered. They could hear noise inside the house.

They knew someone was in so they waited for a bit and knocked on the door again. And the scarecrow was an actual man. It was the dad of the house. And he jumped up and they legged it. And she said,

I didn't get any candy because they were shitting themselves but it was like hilarious. It was like amazing. It was like the most authentic Halloween situation. And then when I think of that, and I think of me in my tracksuit bottoms

with a mixing bowl full of quality streets, and if someone turns up, I just give them some quality streets and that's it. I just don't think the children of West Norwood are getting such an authentic experience, you know? Yeah. And for me, first, I mean, we must have had about 20 visitors like it

was it was pretty full-on did you really so it's quite a family like like a family a neighborhood then yeah i mean we had a halloween party um on sunday uh damien of the road he had a halloween party um i uh when we invited everyone around we had a bit of a do, so the neighbors came round and I showed Damien, who lives over the road, my little cave, my little cave of trinkets and whatnots and this and that

that I've collected over the years. And he was like, Pete, this is the best room ever. There's so much tat in here. I love tat. And so I've built up a bit of a kinship with Damien over the road, who's also into...

Is he the guy who makes the rum? He's the guy who makes the rum. He's into little projects and stuff. But as I said before, he's a man who sees them through and doesn't just watch them wither on the vine. But he was like, you've got to come and see my tat. So we went over yesterday, and I didn't get to see his tat in the end

because we had some roasties on the go. Boring story, but I'm just saying I've got kinship with the man of the road who is about six foot seven and he likes tat like me. So, a big fan.

What did he dress up as? Well, he came over rather late at about 11 o'clock so he didn't have anything on Saturday. Well, he had things on.

He had his own human clothes on. When I went around on Sunday he'd covered his fairly expensive looking T-shirt with a load of blood. So, hopefully... So, basically,

by the time he turned up, there was a drunk Edward Scissorhands there with the trousers that were a bit too tight on one end of the sofa talking about some kind of computer processor

with loads of empty cans of Stella around him. It was actually Stella. How did you know I was thinking Stella? Because you sent me a video of you saying that you pulled the old costume out again. And I know what you're doing. I get what you're doing. You've moved to a new neighbourhood,

so you think a lot of people in the neighbourhood are going to see that Edward Scissorhands for the first time and be impressed by it. And that probably is what happened, right? Oh, yeah, definitely, yeah, yeah. But it's the only one I can do. It's the only one I can... I did that, and I did the man from Yakuza. No impressed by it. And that probably is what happened, right? Oh, yeah, definitely, yeah, yeah. But it's the only one I can do. It's the only one I could... I did that and I did the man from Yakuza.

No one's going to know who that is. No, you did the travel... Travago girl. But that was a meme from like five years ago. I can't use that again, can I? There's been no memes since. You changed your tune. But yeah.

Come one meme, come all. That's what you normally say but i enjoy halloween a lot and we had a lot of uh kids at the door and the dynamic was slightly different when uh sarah and me were both at the door giving out candy and wishing wishing everyone well um the dynamic changes slightly when she's watching the joker and i said i'll go to the door and it's just me in my um in my in my jogging bottoms that's the polite way of saying wank pants uh and and handing out handing out handing out candy to uh random uh children it's not a good look for a single man like a man who appears single at a door with a ball of celebrations is it it's not great no i feel the same yeah um i would up, I would join you up to, but just drop short of,

of wank pants. Drop your drop shorts. What's your cut off? What's the, what's your cut off in terms of age of the kid that is eligible

for the suites? I think, yeah, I think, yeah, I think there was a group of kids who came to the door

and they must have been pushing 14, 15. They were goths. That's upper limit. They were goths dressed up in Halloween costumes. You could tell they were pre-gothed. It was weird. That's upper limit for me. I don't really want to be going.

I don't want 15-year-old boys particularly. No, all of them, in fact. They shouldn't be getting Halloween candy for free. No. I mean, they shouldn't be doing that. Being on your doorstep, it's against many court rulings. The country's gone to the dogs. The kids should be down the park drinking cider

while everyone else is at the parochial park on Halloween. That's how nature works. That's how nature works. But you had a good time, though. Your partner had a lovely time. Not really, because it's not the same, is it? No. It's a difficult time of year for her,

because she wants... I mean, I think autumn, weirdly, because of Thanksgiving and Halloween, gives you a real pull back to America. Yeah, yeah. I guess it does, yeah. Cracking off a Thanksgiving, yeah. I guess with Halloween, though,

you could raise your game a little bit. You have the power to Halloween your house up a little bit. For nothing. For nothing. We've got camp bloody skeletons all over our bloody windows we're going to have to peel off today. My beef with the Halloween decoration is this, right? I get what you're saying.

At the moment, I'm making zero effort. So by definition, I could make more, right? But if it's Thanksgiving, you don't really do it here anyway, but just if it's Thanksgiving or Christmas... Oh, so there's your gout then. No, but it's long. It's long. Christmas decorations start for ages. I've got no problem with that. It's three weeks plus.

Halloween is what? Four days maximum? Yeah. Not worth the effort. Well, that's why the scant... Do you know what I'd do, Pete? What? If I was going to do it, I'd scant... Do you know what I'd do, Pete? What? If I was going to do it, I'd go down the butchers, I'd get a whole bucket of pig's blood, and I'd pour it down the steps on Halloween afternoon.

Yeah. And when people turned up, I'd say, do you know what that is? That's real blood. There's your Halloween. That's a hate crime. That's a Jewish nip, bud. You're a nightmare.

You're a nightmare. All right, any blood. It doesn't matter. Any blood. Why are you choosing pig blood You absolute rot Are you excluding a lot of people You absolute shit That's just the first thing I thought of I bet you it was

I tell you what You're a disgrace Sheep or goat's blood Because that's more devil isn't it Yeah yeah yeah that's fair Yeah yeah Why are sheeps Is it just the horns

Is it just because the devil's got horns Sheeps have horns That's what I'm going to do I've got a little step Outside my front door Right Next Halloween I'm going to do a pentagram in goat's blood.

Yes. With candles. And I'm going to put a goat's head where the door knocker was. Yeah. And just literally put, I don't want you here in blood. So you look more like a satanist rather than a, yeah, okay. Not like enter if you dare. It's a funny joke.

I'm going to be unequivocal. I don't want you here. That's what I'm going to put. And if the hardy souls knock on the door after that, they can have a bounty celebration. A one-stick Twix. A one-stick Twix. Or, if they're really lucky, an entire double dip.

Right, we've got Halloween sorted. That's what Luke's doing next year. We'll be back very soon with your emails and some other stuff, I imagine. Abroad in Japan is the stack podcast that brings you a taste of life in Japan. Recently, Chris Broad was joined by NHK contributor and legendary video game streamer Pete

for a chat about his life as a TEFL teacher. I'd one time taught a woman who was still pregnant and I had to teach her stomach. What? Yes, and so... Wait, what? She came in, seven months pregnant, and they were like,

no, she wants you just to talk to her stomach. So I was sitting there giving instruction, very specifically. She held her tummy and she said, I think he's getting it. And I thought, oh dear God. Just bizarre. Search Abroad in Japan on Apple Podcast thought, oh, dear God. Just bizarre. Search Abroad in Japan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

or wherever you get your pods. New episodes every Wednesday and Sunday. Welcome back to the Luke and Pete show. It's, once again, you're probably aware, we released the show on the 1st of November. I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone. But in how October's gone, you guys have really sort of raised your game

when it comes to emails. There are some fantastic, wholesome, frightening, threatening, wonderful emails coming in on the email box. If you'd like to get in touch with the show, as always, it's hello at lukenpeatshow.com or you can get in touch via Twitter at lukenpeatshow.

Luke, do you want to kick us off or shall I start with a wholesome karate email? I want to do the wholesome karate email. You do the wholesome karate email. You can do that. Lovely old job.

Alright, thanks. This is from Smith in Minnesota who actually puts a PS at the end of the email saying, if you could give a nod to the Liverpool Supporters Club

of Minneapolis, I would greatly appreciate it. Oh yeah, because Liverpool as a football club don't get enough fucking coverage, do they? Definitely need some more get fucked

get fucked the Minneapolis supporters club Liverpool whatever they're called I've never been to like an American kind of supporters club I've been to like

a Newcastle United one that was a lot of fun I went to I ended up randomly going to a Liverpool one in New York City and it was absolutely rammed

rammed people really get into it don't they they get more into it because Americans I guess generally are They get more into it because Americans, I guess, generally are a bit more into expressing themselves and making themselves,

you know, their policies known on things. We're quite, you know, we're quite side-eye-y and miserable in the UK, I think it's fair to say. So Americans, when they're really into something,

oh, they're really into something and the supporters clubs are really, really exciting, vibey places. You say that, and that's with the big clubs. You go to the St. Louis branch of the Portsmouth Supporters Club, and it's basically five blokes who used to be in the Navy. And that's it.

Correct. So it's not always quite... All right, fair do. With the greatest amount of respect to the St Louis branch the Portsmouth supporters club if there even is one

I picked that around him on purpose so no disrespect anyway Smith in Minnesota thank you for emailing him the Liverpool supporters club of Minneapolis

we both salute you Pete you've been to Minneapolis is that right I have yeah haven't we all been to Minneapolis haven't we all no we haven't you always say this no, yeah. Haven't we all been to Minneapolis? No, we haven't.

You always say this. No, you've been to Milwaukee. You've been to Milwaukee. Been to Milwaukee. That's right, that's right. Yeah, anyway. Smith emails in saying, Hello guys, big fan of Luke and Pete,

as well as the Football Ramble and Wrestle Me, for whatever it's worth. Well, it's worth quite a lot. Thank you very much for saying that. CPM stuff. Smith picks up the story by saying, I enjoyed your discussion on dad karate and wanted to quickly share a story.

I am a 47-year-old father and a maths professor who spent the better part of 18 months teaching online. Many days, the step counter on my watch would not go above 1,000 as I was working long days at home. This past May, as things started to lighten up slightly here in Minneapolis, I noticed a Brazilian jiu-jitsu school close to my home. I was struck with equal parts lunacy and inspiration and decided to email about trying a free class, something that those places always seem to offer i was absolutely knackered at the end of the class an hour of unnatural body movement being choked to the brink of unconsciousness and having

my limbs repeatedly bent the wrong way left me an exhausted empty husk of a man i was also the oldest person by a considerable distance and the heaviest by at least 60 pounds my own coach a black belt is 10 years younger than me by all measures i did not seem to belong there but i was bitten by the bug immediately as a former wrestler it was great to be back out on the mats even if i had not wrestled competitively in almost 30 years and it's a very different sport but now i'm in there three times a week i've lost some weight i've met some great people and have enjoyed almost every minute. I even ranked up recently, which is strangely emotional and a validation of

my efforts. It can be frustrating being so old and out of shape compared to the young 20-somethings, but I'm glad I took the leap and would encourage anyone else thinking about it to do the same. Cheers Smith in Minnesota. I mean, what I like about that email is

it is incorrect. There's nowhere for us to go? Say again? There's nowhere for us to go? There's nowhere for us to go because it's too heartening. It's too heartening. We can't slag it off. I just like, it's just a man, a professor, a maths professor at that,

is a man who just in later life has decided to take up some fighting, some fighting basically, some BJJ. And he's just so into it uh he recommends it heartily and i think he's trying to get us on the bjj uh train a little bit i think we should be open to stuff like this we should perhaps consider taking up a martial art and getting out the crap kicked out of us and then kicked into us again yeah i see what you're saying um i also like the idea that because smith is also a maths professor, as you said, when he is getting his arm bent back the wrong way, at least he knows what angle it's at.

It's an obtuse angle. This is too much. I don't like it. Oh, dear. Very good stuff. No, it's heartening. I had to put that email in because it was so lovely. It was wholesome.

I thought it was a really sort of lovely testimony to going outside your comfort zone a little bit and then getting yourself kicked in the chest for no reason pete i think yeah and i think in this episode where you had an opportunity to get outside your comfort zone with your halloween party which by the way i wasn't invited to and you still went straight into your comfort zone for edward scissorhands i think you could take a lesson from, take a leaf out of Smith's book. Yeah.

Well, I mean, what would be the percentage of, bearing in mind I didn't invite anyone from London, because I know how far I live away. That's all right, because you've got a new mate now, Damo, whatever his name is. What's his name?

Hey, Luke, you think you're tall, mate. This guy's 6'7". He's massive. And that's what annoys me. Is he called Damo? I'm just saying, no, no. I've not tried a Damo with him yet.

But no, I'm just saying that I don't think anyone would come from London. And, you know, my mate like... No, no, Pete, I don't want to come. You're missing the point. Oh, right. The point here is there's a dance we have to do. Yeah. And the dance is, you know I won't come.

I know I won't come. But tick the box. Tick the box. Mate, it'd be lovely we have to do. Yeah. And the dance is, you know I won't come. I know I won't come. But tick the box. Tick the box. Mate, it'd be lovely to have you there. And I'll say, no problem, mate. I'll have a look at it and see what Mimi says. Yeah. And then we won't come.

I've got to watch June. And the world will carry on. I've got to watch June. Yeah, but you've broken. There's a battle for Arrakis, mate. You read the newspaper. I'm hanging out with House Atreides. I can't come.

you read the newspaper I'm hanging out with House of Treatise I can't come but you've broken I think a vital covenant to the British

men's friendship circle you have to invite I ain't gonna come you don't want me there no problem with that but at least do the stuff you're supposed to do

and then we can get on with our lives the fact that you've not even invited me makes it a slight on my person I want to see Mimi with a hired costume on my doorstep

and you with a bin bag and some spooky fangs. That's what I want. Pissed, just pissed. Pissed, just absolutely wet yourself. I'm puking this on the way here. All right, well, we've had an email about, well, a very wholesome dad who's finding the love of karate or Brazilian jiu-jitsu later in life.

We got an email here from an anonymous German Londoner in Singapore. First part of the email, we're relatively certain that his dad was in the Stasi. Second part, though, his other jobs... His other jobs, Joe, yes. In the words of Luke, on an unfair comment, we cannot read out the bit about him being in the Stasi.

His other jobs over the years... Some fascinating techniques to get people out of their house. His other jobs over the years... It's a broad church. It's a broad church. Where's your dad in the Stasi? Email us in. Hello at LukePG.com's your dad in the stars? Email us in. Hello at LukePeteShow.com.

His other jobs over the years include brewery master, soldier, draft. Fine. Police officer. Fine. Depends. Security guard at a post office. Delivery driver for sweets. Builder.

Over the past year, 15 years, social worker. What's a change? Those last three are also fine. What a contrast to the previous penalty. I truly love him and hope this email makes it into the show to eternalise the man. German, London, Singapore. Look, if we've

done your dad wrong, if we've done your dad a dirty, get in touch. Why is he in Singapore? Why has he gone to Singapore? Oh, God. Right. Hello at localpeachshow.com if you want to get in touch. If your dad was in a why has he gone to Singapore oh god right hellolocalpictureshow.com if you want to get in touch if your dad was in a in a position of power

under the East Germans let us know let us know hellolocalpictureshow.com at legalpictureshow any dictatorship will accept any of them any of them

any oppressive regime yeah look probably a lot of dads who are listening now probably also in brutal dictatorships right now. Everyone would say.

They're getting very popular these days, aren't they? Yeah. Goodness. Yeah. Never mind. We'll be back on Thursday. Yeah.

Yeah. We'll look forward to that. Looking forward to that. Tell you what, though. Do you know what? The emails are interesting. Yeah. That's why they're included. Exactly. Sometimes you that. Looking forward to that. Tell you what, though. Do you know what? The emails are interesting. That's why they're included. Exactly.

Sometimes you've got to censor them. That's just part of it. And people listening who have got a problem with that, they just don't understand, man, how difficult it is at the thick end of broadcasting, Pete. Yeah. And if you want to get someone out of a flat without a warrant, we'll tell you about it on Thursday.

See you then. Join the patron. Join the Patreon. Join the Patreon. Secrets of the Starling. Bye-bye. See you on Thursday. As Pete rightly says, we'll see you then. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.