The Luke and Pete Show - The sweet (beans) spot of weddings

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Pete spent the weekend with his mother-in-law. Sounds wholesome, right? It actually involved stinging nettles, antihistamine gel, a football in a river, a unicycle and loads of nitrous oxide canisters.Should Pete’s mother-in-law have expected anything else from a weekend away with Donny? We unpick all of that on today’s show. Do you have a good wedding story? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Feel free to give us a follow while you're there! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. It is Monday the 11th of April and every single Monday the 11th of April if indeed the Monday lies on the correct fixture in the calendar. We do a Luke and Pete Show where we just talk about what we've been doing at the weekend, what we've been reading, what we've been smoking about what we've been doing at the weekend, what we've been reading, what we've been smoking,

what we've been loving. And that's it. It's the little compete show. You didn't mention sweet beans, by the way. Do you want to just give people... And we talk about how sweet our beans have been.

Luke Moore, have your beans been nice and sweet this weekend? They're always pretty sweet, the beans. Yeah. I mean, they are sweet, sweet beans. I was at a wedding

at the weekend oh right okay nice so yeah it was um do you know what it was an absolute like sweet spot sweet bean spot of a wedding because um i was we were late so we were always going to the evening yeah but we were a late addition to the day right i think right pulled out because of because of covid or whatever right and so there. And so there was some room meet spots available, which the wife I have access to and I were very happy to fill. And that's just ideal because basically no one knows who you are. You've got no responsibilities.

Normally there's loads of free food and drink. It's normally a nice place because it's a wedding and you can just enjoy yourself. Not in the church, surely. And that's exactly what we did. It's not in the church though, surely. Like if you're eating in the service, I think. No, you can't enjoy yourself, and that's exactly what we did. It's not in the church, though, surely. Like, if you're eating in the service, I think...

No, you can't bring your own snacks. Okay. Yeah, it's like a cinema. Like caramel popcorn. I'm just having some caramel popcorn. I don't care what I'm rustling. Yeah. No, it was cool,

because, like, it was in the middle of the countryside, and it was one of those venues where it's all encompassed into one venue, so, like, they have... It's a nice, beautiful, converted barn. So they have the service in there. Then you go outside, and it was a really lovely day, which is lucky. And then you go and do photos, and they change the venue around.

What's it called? Yeah, they kind of turn it around so that it becomes the reception venue, and then the bar and the dance floor, that kind of stuff. So you didn't really have to think about anything or do anything. And it was fun. It was lots so fun and it was it was outside of the wonderfully underrated town slash city of norwich which yes people never really talk about when i talk about the best places in england but it's a really lovely place it is yeah norwich um the town center or the city center is uh bloody lovely it's a bloody good night out uh is it talk to me about the night out i didn't have i didn't

experience the pleasure of the night out. Went to an indie club with my partner. She got very drunk and did that wonderful partner thing where they're too drunk to stand up, so they just sort of sandbag all the way home. You've got to kind of carry them. Was this since about 2003? A rare bit of performance art from my partner that weekend.

It was just before Christmas. It was fun. Saw Jack, mate. King of Norwich in there. You being serious? Yeah. I was walking through Norwich City Centre yesterday, and I saw Jack.

Do you reckon he's like the mayor? Do you reckon he's just all... Because I always sort of go... Because he's such a big swinging deal around stacked towers, I sort of go, Norwich is quite a strange place for him to live. You'd think, you'd just assume, because of my own stereotypes and preconceived ideas about creators and influencers and famous people,

that they would live in London. You know what I mean? Especially as a West Ham fan as well. I just always think he'd be living in London. But no, he's staying true to his roots. He's living in Norwich, as is a few other people in the Happy Hour set Ham fan as well. I just always think he'd be living in London. But no, he's staying true to his roots. He's living in Norwich, as is a few other people in the happy hour set up as well. It's cracking stuff.

He's the mayor. He's the mayor of Norwich. Speaking of that as well, like no word of a lie, about 10 minutes before that, we were walking along the river, turned the corner, and there was a lovely pub on the river.

Saw Robbie Knox, didn't I? Yeah, well, I saw Robbie Knox that night as well. But I mean, they were together at that point. the corner and there was a lovely pub on the river saw robbie knox didn't i yeah i saw robbie knox that night as well but i mean they were together at that no these guys weren't even together right i then saw jack and then jack was oh yeah robbie just texted and he just seen you it's like a truman show did he did he text that sounds like a warning text to me luke yeah keep an eye out because he's on the prowl he's on the prowl we should probably mention so because we're recording in advance because you know schedules is really difficult so we try and keep this as kind of non-time sensitive as possible yeah by the time this has come out it's probably be old news but i cannot not talk to you about Will Smith and Chris Rock.

Yeah. It's taken over my life. This show's coming out on the 11th of April. Maybe they'll do it again by then. Maybe they'll have a celebrity boxing match by then. What would they have done to sort it out between now and then, predict it now? I don't know.

I think Chris Rock will have a good half an hour of a stage show. He'll want to, you know, Will Smith gets a bit out of it. He looks like the hard man, Chris Rock. He gets half an hour of a special. And this show slaps, it'll say. And it'll be on Netflix.

And it'll just be, yeah. I couldn't believe what I was watching. And the first thing i thought to myself was imagine if he had knocked him out cold what would the rest of the service what would the rest of the i mean i suppose he could have been carried off and it would have carried on but i mean it's absolutely incredible yeah i think the difference i think the difference in uh because i thought it was a punch at the start when i when i first saw it and i was like God, Hollywood's different, isn't it? When you punch someone in Hollywood

you go spark out. But it's quite hard to knock someone out. It makes a really satisfying noise, doesn't it? Yeah, exactly. But no, it was a slap. It was a weird way to start the morning and I fear that even it's 11.33

some 10 hours after this happened or whatever and it's just everything's already been done hasn't it? There's not a single thing we can say right now. Everything's already been done. Every meme, every bit

imagine if you were in the business of memes and bearing in mind you'd probably be staying up for the... Imagine if you'd slept in to like 10 o'clock this morning. It's a Monday. Nothing good happens on a bloody Monday. I'm going to stay in. Oh, God.

I've got five minutes to cut out 50 heads from I Am Legend and stick them on stuff. We're looking at you, people at joe.com. Yeah, exactly. Pete, I like that really... I mean, listen, people will send us loads of emails about this issue and we won't get to those emails until about July. No, you're right.

We make no apology for it. And some news, it just completely transcends the news cycle. And it's a big deal. So anyway, forgive us for that. But Pete, what I do like there is that you've just said, like most people just have the option of just staying in bed on the Monday. Oh, nothing ever happens on the Monday, so I'm going to stay in bed. Most people have actual jobs mate you know that yeah exactly

yeah yeah but but the zoom uh generation of content creators they can make their own hours a little bit and and and creative people generally sort of stay up a little bit later i'm massively generalizing there you you would have been up early this morning right because you were doing the show ramble this morning yeah i Yeah, I was in the shower going, well, this has bummed me. To be honest, more than anything else, it's just bummed me out. What time was the alarm set for?

Quarter to seven. Yeah. So, yeah. So, what are you like? I could have created lots of memes. What are you like in the first half hour after getting up? Are you like up and at them straight away,

just get it done, or do you potter around now i um if i if i find myself messing with the dishwasher i know i'm pottering yeah that's that's the cutoff is it yeah if i if i start dicking about the dishwasher i'm like yeah i'm potter i'm i'm i'm just bimbling around really um yeah i i am i think i think monday is a gen i don't mind getting up early at all now these days i'm a completely different animal but mondays i just never get enough sleep i just never get in like we're me and my partner the athena drunkard had a that you have access to i have access to i had uh a bit of a squabble about the noise

that Chad out of is it Chad or Chaz out of Morph made just before I went to bed and that was a bit of fun and I was like oh well I hope I sleep after that It's Chaz isn't it, it is Chaz Is it Chaz?

Yeah I mean I had to really force myself to answer that question because I don't know what you're talking about here. Me and my partner had an argument about the noise that Chas makes. The wonder she's turned to the drink. I was like, no, he definitely sounds like this. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

And she said, it isn't. It's ba-ba-ba-ba- and and and the and the only text i've had meanwhile rome burns meanwhile this is the message i got from her at uh well while i was doing the ramble yeah that's what noisy that's makes. Yeah, so she was very... She said it was like that. I said it was... And then that's what we went to bed on, having a bit of a silly squabble about that. Never got to sleep on an argument.

As serious as that. As asinine as that, yeah. Do most of your arguments involve plaster scene figures? Pretty much, yeah. Wallace and Gromit. Yeah. So you do tend to potter a little bit around when you have to kind of... Because to me, I don't actually mind getting up early.

For me, it's like when you wake up, when you first wake up, you can tell within about three or four seconds whether you're going to be really tired or not. And that's life, right? Particularly on Monday, as you said, because what you're alluding to there is the fact there's no reason for you to be tired on a sunday really because you probably had a nice sleep on the sunday morning if you if you're very lucky and

so monday the cycle starts again but mate speaking of this on friday i caught up with a friend of mine i hadn't seen for a wee while i went for a coffee in uh in town and he's been the producer of a national breakfast show for nine years and he um he his alarm is set every monday morning for i think 3 20 absolutely seconding yeah and he said after nine years it's still it's still the dread is still totally real and he said because he refuses to sacrifice he's a bit younger than us. He's probably been five, ten years younger than us. He said he refuses to sacrifice a nice life. Because he's got a wife and friends and stuff like that. He just, weekends are totally normal.

He just gets the big fear on the Sunday night and the blues on the Monday morning. And he squeezes in a little nap in the afternoons when he's finished on the breakfast show. But it's tough that. There's just no getting used to it, I don't think. That sort of 3pm to half past 5pm sleep, I did it for about 18 months, maybe two years on the breakfast show. And I didn't even have to get up that early, Jesus Christ.

I mean, wow. It's the deepest, loveliest sleep we'll ever have. It's disorienting, though. It's totally disorientating. It's a proper, like, where the deepest, loveliest sleep you will ever have. It's disorienting, though. It's totally disorientating. It's a proper, like, where the fuck am I kind of sleep. It's like post-Glasenbury, sleeping on your bed for the first time in three or four days. Yeah. It's an amazingly deep sleep, like nothing else.

It's bizarre how different it is. It's like a jet lag sleep, isn't it? It's like a proper jet lag sleep. But, yeah, I mean, yeah, I cannot imagine. With certain breakfast shows, and I'm fairly certain which breakfast show you're talking about, if you got up at half past five, would it be any different? Well, I don't think...

Well, I don't think... In many ways, you're working with limited presenters sometimes. Listeners can't see my eyebrows raising there. But I think, you I think to answer this... Why research that show? They're not going to read it. Well, actually, it reports to be believed it's actually the opposite to that. Everything

is just read as it's written. I don't think the presenters need to be there till 5.30. And don't forget, by the way, these days I don't want to do the whole show speaking in code, but don't forget it's not always that presenter, is it now? Oh, no, no, no, exactly. So I think you can get there for like five.

But when I was doing breakfast stuff, nowhere near as long or as intense as what you did, when I was doing it, it was, yeah, I just thought to myself, I can't really see myself sticking at this. But I mean, for those listening to it who don't really know much about radio at all, why would you because you know you've got actual proper lives um it's the it's the flagship show right so what happens is people who get on it whether they're producing or hosting if they get off of the job i don't feel like they can turn it down because

there are there is no bigger show in radio and then once you get it and have it for a while it's like you don't really want to go to another show because every show, by definition, is smaller and less... Smaller, yeah. Yeah, and less kind of reputable. So, yeah, it's a funny one. I know that Rick, who we do a show with, Eureka, does The Breakfast on Five Live now. I think he's fun at, you know...

It's a real, real tough, tough ask, you know? And the other thing about it is... Is it tougher than doing The Weekender on XFM 15 years ago? Oh, probably not. I didn't even want to bring that up, Pete. Listen, mate, that's properly specialist. But what I wanted to make clear really, really, really quickly

on this discussion is because in many jobs, and I've had several of these jobs, and there's nothing wrong with them or anything like that, in many jobs, you can go, you know what, I'll just turn up as long as I'm there in body. I don't need to be there in mind and spirit. It's fine. Obviously, you can't do that with a live radio show no it's actually quite hard work as well yeah exactly yeah like and those kind of shows there's so much stuff i mean quite apart

from you know it may look sounds flabby sometimes by virtue of the fact that you know certain presenters are have a different style but like you have to throw so many people on the phone, people on Zoom, news cut-ins, adverts, commercial messaging. Like, it is such a difficult job to put that together. And, again, when you work with different presenters with different styles, like, there are presenters who are better at that than other presenters, I suppose. And some you have to over prep and under prep

and it's very You are looking at someone who was actually very poor at that so I totally understand I found when I presented and hosted on my own there's just so much to remember and so much to do

it felt to me like a less Jeopardy infused version of flying a plane there's just so much to do it felt to me like a less jeopardy infused version of flying a plane like there's so much to do like you gotta look there you gotta look there hands here there's someone talking in that ear there's someone down there it's it's mad absolutely fucking mad and you do it on the way on your wits basically um so anyway anyway so i was at a wedding at the weekend what did you get up to the weekend peter Peter? I was also... Apart from arguing about Morph. I was also in a place near Norwich. Now, where was it?

It was near Dis, which is near Norwich. Oh, Dis, yeah, I know. Yeah, that is near there, yeah. Yeah, it was kind of around that kind of caper. It was around... Let's have a look. Near sort of... Your lowest lofts.

A place like that. That's not too far for you to go from where you live right because that's lower stofts in Suffolk right yeah yeah pretty much it was quite it was still quite

a drive was it another indie bar no it was my partner's mum's sort of mother's day sort of celebration we were just in a bar

and that wasn't an indie bar that wasn't an indie bar I know right celebrate your mother by eating smash box beeline disaster on the gym theyber-bob. Yeah, we were just in this cottage.

Well, not cottage, like a farmhouse, basically. It's loads of bedrooms in the middle of nowhere. I had a big football goal. I kicked the ball into the river, and I fell quite considerably into a load of nettles. And so I had nettle stings all on my bum, my tiny boy's bum, and all up my arm and all up my left leg. And they all went up into big welts.

It's just like, it was a disaster. Did you have to have an antihistamine? Somebody found some antihistamine gel, which I rubbed on myself. And it worked a treat, but it was, I still feel a tingle in my hand. Is it, because as a kind of regularly, normally functioning adult, I don't think I've really stung myself

with a stinging nettle for about 30 years. Is it still painful? That's what I mean. I presume, because every now and again, you'll get, you'll get a little, you know,

a little bit on the back of your hand or something, but falling with pressure into them so that every single little needle goes into you. How did you do that? I was trying to retrieve a ball from a river with a stick, with a shepherd's crook. And I was trying to get it out. And yeah, I just fell hand, leg, bum.

And I was like, Jesus, this hurts more than I... And it tingles with fiery tingling. And I was like, wow, this is... What do you think your mother-in-law thinks about that? I don't know. I think we get on. I was sharing a little joke. They had this big barn,

and they had so many different little rooms in this barn. And they're not used to people clambering around and willing to get used to it if you're there climbing across spaces climb onto ceilings and stuff looking at sort of partitions that they think they thought they blocked off from me i found a unicycle which is a swerve i found a load of like scooters and stuff um a lot of table tennis balls um some loads of some naughty lads had clearly been there because there was some i don't know where they made it home because i stole some of them um unused uh um laughing gas canisters what boxes of them that's like currency for the

kids nowadays hippie crack hippie crack in a barn. I found an absolute stash of them. There must have been about 150 of those canisters. Now, what's the street value of those? That's what I want to know.

I genuinely have no idea. No. I mean... Why did you steal some? Because I wanted them. Because they're getting valuable, aren't they? The reason I ask about

your mother-in-law, because she's looking forward to a nice Mother's Day. Yeah. I'm off made on hippie crack. Yeah, I just don't think that she thought her Mother's Day would involve stinging nettles, antihistamine gel,

a shepherd's crook and a football in a river, a unicycle, a load of nitrous oxide canisters, and theft, and crawl spaces. And that's just in the last 30 seconds you've told me that. God knows what happened the rest of the fucking weekend. I made a lovely fire outside.

That was fun. That was strong manly work, I would say. Absolutely destroyed it. Tell us a bit more about that very quickly. Just started a big fire. Nearly fell in it because it was

a slippy ground. Anything to get rid of these stinging nettle stings. I'll burn my arse off. It burned so hard. Yeah, we tossed some marshmallows.

It was cracking. That's not the name of the dog. That's actual marshmallows. No, no. I think we saw an otter or a wombat running around.

Do we have wombats? I don't know. Some creature running around the place. Very nice. A lot of frogs. A lot of... What's like a small deer that everyone seems to know the fucking name of apart from me?

Oh, muntjac. Yeah, what's this, what is it, buttjac, muntjac, what's this? Muntjac. Muntjac. Yeah. It's a word I've never heard before, but everyone in the family sitting there bloody know it. Oh, it's a muntjac. I was like, what?

What the fuck is a muntjac? Why does everyone know this word? Yeah, I've saw muntjacs, me and's the fuck is a muntjac? Why does everyone know this word? Yeah, I saw muntjacks. Me and my mate Tommy were in Epping Forest having a walk, and they've got their muntjacks there. They're basically invasive species, and they're originally from the Far East, like China or something. And I guess they've just got no natural predators,

but they've got quite weird upturned teeth, I think. They're quite weird to look at. They're like little pygmy deer, basically. Right. Why couldn't... I mean, presumably they're big enough we could probably get rid of them if we wanted to, if they're an invasive species.

Yeah, I'm not really sure what the policy is. There will be a policy, I'm sure. Oh, weirdly, speaking of deers, I saw a whole deer spark out... Well, dead. Spark out on the side of a road. Yeah. Like, and I think that's the biggest skin on dead thing I've ever seen.

You know what I mean? Did you take that home with you as well? Didn't take that home with me, no. But it must have absolutely totaled the car. Oh, mate. Because it was massive. Yeah. Have you ever seen that video of that moose walking down the middle of the highway in Alaska?

I'll show you. I'll get Roy to put it on the social. I mean, it's absolutely unbelievable. It looks like a camera trick. If you drove into that, it's so big. I say, if you're going up to 30 miles an hour, the moose probably wouldn't even notice. Yeah, yeah, I bet.

So imagine that. I mean, a deer is big enough, but this moose is probably, to the antler, probably, I don't know, between 10 and 12 feet tall. It's incredible. But very quickly, before we take a break, just, I don't know, between 10 and 12 feet tall. It's incredible. But very quickly before we take a break, just going back to that wedding, I wanted to say that one of the cool things

that happens at a wedding was brilliant. And it's always a bonus when it does happen. So there was a couple there who obviously I'd never met before and I'll probably never see again and I won't name their names, partly because it's not fair but also because I genuinely can't remember.

And she was a friend of, I think, the bride. Right. names partly because it's not fair but also because i genuinely can't remember um and she was a friend of i think the bride right and she like she had a she was bringing she brought this guy along and it was only like their second date and she was at the kind of at the stage of when he was going to the bar or going to the toilet she was like saying to everyone what do you think of him what do you think of him and it was like really interesting to listen to all the girls talking about the guy. And I was thinking, oh God,

I can't imagine what they say about me when I'm not at the table. Can you imagine, yeah. And that guy was probably all right, wasn't he? Oh, he was a really nice fellow, yeah. And he had a cracking arse, you know.

Yeah, okay. And I said that. He's got, the arse looks very nice in his trousers. Yeah, yeah, he used to be a bit of a footballer. I said, yeah, he looks great. It was really,

really enjoyable to basically judge one of my fellow men in the company of loads of other people that he didn't, the way he looks great. It was really, really enjoyable to basically judge one of my fellow men in the company of loads of other people that he didn't know about it. But I think by the end of the day, he had really won everyone over. He kind of charmed everyone because he spilt a drink. But he made like a really fun joke out of it and was really apologetic and nice.

And everyone kind of felt like he had a nice bit of character about him. And so he kind of won the crowd over. He didn't suck off. For fuck's sake, James, get it together. Fucking simple stuff. Fucking cunt. And then slapped himself in the face. And then wet himself.

But one thing he was drinking, which was odd, and in all my days I've been in bars, and there's been several, he was drinking a gin and coke. Oh, what? Which, I'll be honest with you. been in bars and there's been several he was drinking a gin and coke oh what which which i'll be honest with you i don't care if he rum i don't care if he's the friends of the dalai lama and the best ass in the world i think that is on a list of behavior maybe gin and coke is what gives you a really nice ass pete yes maybe anyway get your uh get your wedding tales in i don't want to hear the old, the usual ones.

I want to hear ones about people you've met that have been just the most fascinating characters. They're single-serve friends, aren't they? You're stuck with them for a whole day. You can't do anything about it, and then you never see them again. And it's an amazing aspect of modern social life, and it's an interesting hotbed of stories.

So hello at lukeandpeachshow.com. Get those in. And if you've got a nice arse DM us yeah why not DM you DM you because you're the one who needs it you need tips on how to get an arse and we're going to have a quick break when we come back we'll do

an email that's already been sent in it's a good one you'll like it you'll enjoy it so stick around and we'll see you in a minute lovely and we're back with Luke and Pete Pete show. You mentioned, well, Moose. And you mentioned Chris Rock and Will Smith earlier on, just before we jumped into the emails, Luke and Moose. I think David Baddiel this morning,

I mean, I don't necessarily like his Twitter output usually, but it made me laugh that he said it's not the best on-stage slap out. When Jerry Sadowich did the Just for Laughs award show in like in the late 90s, he went on stage, said good

evening moose fuckers and then got sparked out. Well if you listen, you book Jerry Sadowich. That's what you're going to get. I've seen Jerry Sadowich and it was I saw him at a festival and it was absolutely fucking bizarre like it was like i know people who know his work well um will just roll their eyes and go yeah that's what it's all about yeah but it was like he had actually really admired it in a way it was like he had gone on stage to do ostensibly do some magic tricks and do a bit of shtick,

but he was like, he was purposely trying to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible, and that was like his art. Yeah, yeah. And it was like, it was like, I don't even want to go into the subject matter,

because people will just get fucking, you know, offended or whatever, especially if they're listening to it on their way to work or something, but it was like, just think of the worst subjects you can think of,

and combine that with the most inappropriate thing you could ever imagine saying and just tell loads of jokes about it over and over again until it's so awkward

he's like he was the only person I guess you could call him a comedian he's the only comedian I've ever seen who genuinely like legitimately

wanted you to not have a good time and I think you could only admire that because it's art I guess it's art, isn't it? His crowning glory for me was just coming, I think it was him,

coming out on stage with a hammer and a nail. Yeah, it was a nail, yeah, a hammer and a nail, and he just went at the front of the stage and just smashed this massive nail into the wall and went, first things first, I don't give a fuck, and then just died.

Fuck yeah, now. But one of the things I found interesting about him, and this is going back a few years now, so my memory might not be amazing, I vaguely remember him being a genuinely really good magician. Yeah, yeah, he's respected, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah, and it was like a weird combination of like, because magic is a kind of odd thing anyway

we've talked about this before how like it seems to have been that magic magicians have had to go cool haven't they and street because I think people just think it's a little bit outdated

a little bit kind of pervy but Sadowitz is I mean you know you might as well be rearranging the deck chairs in the Titanic called the Sadowitz because I mean

yeah absolutely mad I don't even is he still doing his thing? Is he still around? I'm not sure. He died. He died.

Oh, did he? Yeah. Oh, that's sad. He was, I just checked Pete, he's not dead. What? He's not dead.

What are you talking about? He's dead. Oh, nuts. He's not dead. Oh, well, maybe not. He's still with us. Sorry, Gerry.

What are you thinking about? He's coming for you, boy. He is coming for you, boy. He's only 60. I thought he was older. Oh, good on him. He can't for you, boy. He's coming for you, boy. He's only 60. I thought he was older.

Oh, good on him. You can't get older than dead. So yes, yeah, as I said to you before the break, I want to do an email. It's hello at lukeandpeach.com

for the address, as you know. And this has taken us back a fair amount, Pete, as you well know. You know, people pick up on our chat because they're a bit behind on the episodes

or they didn't get around to emailing in before. But someone's emailed in about piers, the longest piers in the world. Because you talked about Southend Pier, right? Yeah. Look, I can only go on what information I was given. I don't know whether it is the longest pier. Our friend Matt has been in touch with some helpful clarification, which I think is probably going to appeal to no one other than me but yeah i mean i'm reading it matt so you've hit

you've hit the sweet spot um he says hi guys loving the pod the longest pleasure pier in the world is south end it's 2.1 kilometers or 1.3 miles depending on what you prefer the longest wooden pier is at bustleton australia which is two kilometers which has got an underwater observatory and webcam so you can watch the fish in the sea if you want but the longest pier in total is a disembarkation pier in mexico which is actually goes four miles out into the ocean right okay so it is so south end is the longest pleasure pier in the world but who knew there were so many denominations of pier the south end satisfies one of them but isn't the longest anywhere in the world so how do you feel about that pete have you been to south

end pier recently uh yeah fairly recently and it's and it is a pleasurable experience but i mean who's to say where you find pleasure in life? You could find pleasure on that Mexico pier. You could sort of, you may enjoy engineering, you may enjoy joinery, you may enjoy just a nice long four-mile walk. So I would argue that's still a pleasure pier for me. Yeah, because, yeah, I suppose you're right.

That's a really good point, because some people might feel it's a bit disrespectful to go, well, I'm having a fucking very pleasurable time on this disembarkation pit, thank you very much. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely right. Did you define, before we go, did you define any pleasure from getting stung by stinging nettles?

Did part of you go, oh, that feels nice? Oh, like a little kinky little kink? I could see why someone would use it in a kinky little display, because it does stick around. A kinky little display? A kinky little display, and it really sort of like, wow, it's really, yeah, the piquancy is quite high. It's quite one of them.

My favourite genre of stinging nettle encounters is when dads pull a stinging nettle out and try and show the kids that if you rub the stinging nettles one way you don't get stung but they always get it wrong and sting themselves is that true people know that if you get a stinging nettle um plant yeah and i think it's if you rub your fingers a certain way right the spines are pointing the other way so you don't get stung right it's like a little trick you can do to kids look at this i don't get stung by stinging nettles you rub your fingers up it. Yeah.

But obviously, I think that the general knowledge of how it works is quite poor. And you've got a 50-50 chance of just hammering your fingers. And in my mind, every dad just gets it wrong every time. Yeah. And certainly in my situation, not a lot of dock leaves kicking around. Isn't nature an amazing thing? Well, less amazing when you've hurt yourself on saturday i don't think you know what a dock leave looks like do you yeah i know what a dock leave looks like me yeah of course i do this is a big leaf that's found next to and i think it doesn't need to be even a dock leaf does it isn't it just like

a big wet leaf that managed to dislodge some of the spikies i think that was it that's i don't think there's any kind there's probably some kind of antibiotic or antibacterial um agent to every leaf and i don't think dock leaves have more or less than the other and if you are a leaf guy or gal i don't i don't care i just i'm gonna spout absolute shite about your favorite leaves and and you know what i'm not even even going to read them out on the show. The sheer amount of times that you will, to a casual listener, make

out that you know stuff about shit that you don't know anything about is unbelievable. You probably don't need to drink any water. It's like, where's that come from? I think, yeah, but what I think, I think is great. But did you see when I was confident about from. I think the cat, yeah, but what I think, I think is great. And,

but did you see when I was confident about, you know, 10 minutes ago about Jerry Sadowitz, I shouldn't be confident, should I really?

Because I didn't know a bloody thing about him. I thought he died. But you don't hedge, that's your problem. The difference between you and me is you don't hedge enough. You just got to go,

I'm not sure if he's still around. I think I might have heard this or I might have heard that and you just move on. You're so in there, just got to go, I'm not sure if he's still around. I think I might have heard this or I might have heard that. And you just move on. You're so in there, bang, this is what I think, it comes back to bite you. Yeah, because you couch it in a little kind of clever language so nobody tells you off.

Absolute fence-sitter. It's not clever. It's not clever. I like the idea of you just stumbling back into the house that you lovingly stayed in for your mother-in-law's Mother's Day, soaking wet, football under your arm, stinging nettles, stings all over your body, just going, slam your hand on the table in the kitchen,

just give me all the laughing gas you got. Give me all that. There were so many little vials, and I stole them, and then she said, put it, she then said, put them back. I went, I'm not putting them back, I'm keeping them. But I don't know, I uh so i said put them back i'm not putting them back i'm i'm keeping them but i don't know i think she may have put them back herself but i hope she didn't put them in like a place everyone could see then it's going to look like we've been doing laughing

gas i think this whole thing is an elaborate bluff knowing you let's get out of here peter i've fallen foul of an addiction we're back on we'll be back on thursday when um it seems to me that easter is rolling around very very quickly indeed when it seems to me that Easter is rolling around very, very quickly indeed as it seems to happen every year. We'll do some battery brands on Thursday. We'll look forward to Good Friday, of course.

How can you not look forward to a day that's called Good Friday? But until then, we'd love you to look after yourselves and each other. Have a lovely week. Get in touch with us

at hello at lukeandpeachow.com if you want to email in. Leave us a review and a five-star little rating wherever you listen to your pods, because that would be really helpful. And, yeah, stay safe, and we'll see you on Thursday. Would you like to say goodbye as well, Peter? Farewell. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.