The Luke and Pete Show - Three Noel Edmonds Coasters and a Christmas Samurai

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Merry Christmas everyone! Luke and Pete muster on Christmas Day to deliver you a festive, bumper edition of the Luke and Pete Show, because they know it's what you all asked for from Santa...This time around there's chat about Jake Paul's broken jaw (truly a Christmas present for everyone, that), a truly bizarre claim from the husband of an ex-Blue Peter presenter, some server chat from Pete because it's his Christmas as well, and then Luke wraps things up by playing "What's Pete doing at this time on Christmas Day?" (Hint: it mostly involves farts).Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy the festive season!Subscribe to join us, and email whenever you like: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Christmas Just remember that the back door's open It's Christmas And it's the Luke and Pete Shaw I'm joined my Mr Lukey Moore Many festive returns Lukie. Thank you for Lissnavedad

And you are excellent at that noddy holder Yeah You're the person I know Who's best at the noddy holder Well I launched into it and then remembered That as I said the back door of the cabin Is wide open Yeah but it is Christmas

So people can't complain. It's not like you're doing that in July, is it? It's not like the bloke used to live next door to me in Emont Gardens in Hartlepool, who used to sing, I'm every woman with 15 key changes at 3 a.m. I mean, that's Pete Donaldson energy right there. Yeah, I mean, that's where I'll get to, I'm sure. I'll become the man I, you know, enjoyed so much back in the day.

Once the missus has finally had enough, that'll be... I'm every woman. I'm just absolutely doing that. I am absolutely doing that. You'll be the next, um, you'll be the next, um, Lawrence. Next. Well, he was, he was kind of in that kind of, my, um, I think Gerald's name was, uh, not to doxom or anything, but he used to live at, uh, next door was.

I thought it was called Lawrence. No, no, no, I mean, the bloke used to sing, I'm every woman. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, so he was kind of part of, like, Hartley Pool. He used to hang out with the mayor a lot, um, who, he was in an accountant, I think, and he used to hang out with the mayor, and he was a big Pools fan, and the mayor was obviously, became the mayor because he was, um, Angus the monkey, the Hartlepool United mascot who would dress like a monkey. One of the best British things, that.

Yeah, I love, I think Hartlepo's got a lot of that, and I think that's what makes a town. You can, you know, you can rip the heart out of a town, and you can replace everything with vape shops and nail salons, but at the end of the day, if you've got people like Gerald, and you've got people like the monkey mare, and you've got Lawrence, you've got heart, baby, you've got heart. Yeah, you have. So what I think I should do as an older man offer my services as some kind of hired gun, like some kind of samurai, sort of saying, I will be your bit of local colour, your street hero,

you're weirder on the street, just doing weird stuff, you know, eating a shoe. Without being too nerdy, if you're a samurai though, you need a master, right? Who's your master going to be? You could be a roaning. I think you'd be better off as a roaning, just roaming around. Just running around, but having no master. Exactly. Right.

Didn't the woman, didn't, remember the woman out of Most Haunted, used to do breakfast, kids' television. Evette Fielding? Her husband, I'm fairly certain he reckoned that he was the last samurai. He said that he was like the last non-Japanese samurai in Japan. What? A claim that has never been proven by him or anyone else. but I think he said it in interview once.

Carl Beattie said it in interview once and then spent the rest of the time sort of denying it. I love people who say something mad and then just have to spend the rest of their time pretending it never happened. Sorry, are you the guy who said he was like

the last non-Japanese samurai? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is great. Let me read this. I've just found a little paragraph on his Wikipedia. I didn't know anything about this. What a great way to wring in Christmas.

What a great way to wring in Christmas. Happy Christmas, I remember. Before, Carl Beatty was the subject of media retention when it was claimed he was the only living samurai outside of Japan, something he denied as one of only eight foreigners to have ever been awarded the title. The samurai class was officially abolished in 1868, but Beatty claimed the title lives on in him via his Japanese instructor, Outsu Maida. Right. Interesting. Japanese obsessive. You don't what you always do here. I had something lined up to say, and that's just blowing it right out of my brain.

I would say that, like, Japanese obsessives are, they, they are the weirdos, weirdos, aren't they, really? They really are, you know, they're an interesting, they're an interesting lot, aren't they? And I include myself in it. But they always, they always go on to step too far, don't they? They're like Stephen Seagal.

Do you know what I mean? Like, he thinks he's all that, isn't he? But they're Japanese, Japanese obsessives. But his more, is, like, is, is, is, Um, is he, is he Japan? Or is he like, I thought he was Korea? No, no, he was, he, um, he had a dojo, I think, in Japan. He's, you know, he's quite well respected in a very specific and unusable martial martial arts. Wing Chun, isn't it, Wing Chun? Yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, I don't know, well, it's the one where you fling, you fling people around and use their...

That's all stage, though, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, good God. Some of the, some of the clips of him in Russia. Where is he, is Dagestan or something? He's somewhere weird where he's like the king. He's like the mayor or something. More mayor. He claims to be a big, a big friend of him. of Putin. He is good friends of Putin, isn't he? That's where he does all of his film now. But it's a very

one side of relationship. I'm fairly clear what Vladimir Putin's getting out of that. Like an 80s American action hero. He needs an He needs an update. He needs an update. Who's get like who would he be able to sort of, James Woods, I reckon he'd probably get over. Oh, anyone can flip would. Any maggar he could probably

break, he can break off and get him because he needs an unupdated star. Cigar's like an old, could he get a could he get someone like, I don't I was going to say, Bruce Willis. It's a terrible example. He boasts of what I've read. Yeah, you can bring him over, yeah, exactly.

I'm trying to think of like an action star of the 90s who was bigger than Segal, who may need the money. I think they'd probably... Van Dam? I think he's got enough cash. I think he's got enough... He's got enough cash, and he's probably from the part of the world that probably knows what Putin's about, maybe. I don't know. I think you need an American.

guy. I think you need an American guy to get Putin. I think Van Dam was born in Belgium right, but he was in the US pretty early on. Yeah, yeah. I just think with Europeans they're a bit too smart to Putin stuff. I reckon you need someone who's like you need one of those fellas who

moved to, you remember those families, those kind of like weird religious you know, religious hardcore like Christians who moved to Russia to move to Moscow to escape the walk

Yeah, they call themselves cultural, well they call themselves cultural nomads or something cultural yeah,

something like that yeah and they moved there and they got given a shitty apartment no, I'll tell you what happened straight away

they moved there and then within about two months the two oldest kids in the family moved back away straight away

oh yeah yeah yeah and the dad's like he's there's one there's one block who moved over there and he thought

because he did a bit of welding he's like I'll do the welding for the war straight to the front line not having a good time

at all Was it? Good God. Well, that's what Carl Beatties do. He's the only living samurai outside Japan. They could do with him. They could do with him, exactly. Especially with their argument with China at the moment.

They could do with a Beattie for crying out loud. That's why, sir. Who couldn't do with a beating? Who could do with a beating? I know what people, I know what people are listening and thinking here. This is just the same as a normal episode. I did have some Christmas stuff in my mind, but you've blown it to bits, as usual. This is what Christmas is all about.

what happens is I it is actually yeah this is a very much like arguing or debating topics with some of my family members on Christmas Day after a few after a few eggnogs yeah but um what happens is either they get blown out of my head and I couldn't think of them anymore or I write them down in advance but it becomes impossible to bring you there everyone's got to make the link everyone's got got a plan until they get petered in the fairs as they yeah totally did you oh speak of that oh are we going to talk about the boxing yeah I think we should I think we should I enjoy it that. Yeah. I think it's... Yeah, did you watch it back on Netflix the next morning? I didn't. I watched it on YouTube, probably illegally, some loser, I'll say. It was actually, one of the things I would

say to credit Netflix is it was very easy to get back, get it on the old laptop in the morning. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Netflix's user interface is so easy. For live sports and stuff, it is brilliant. It really is. And it doesn't fall over, right? Which is kind of interesting. No, no, no, yeah. Talk to me about the size of the servers we're talking about.

Probably as big as the moon, I'm I imagine they're spending probably about as much money as Microsoft are on their AI integration. But, so, right, so it's Anthony Joshua versus, what's his bloody name, beardy, Jake Paul. Jake Paul. Now, he is, so it's ostensibly an exhibition match. Joshua's too stone. Well, you do your assumption. I'll tell you what I think.

So Josh was obviously two stone bigger than him, and I don't know boxing. Is that allowed? Would you say that doesn't seem like that doesn't seem like something that's usually allowed. With the rules of boxing, right, it's best, in terms of the administration of it, it's best to see them as very loose guidelines. Because what happens is, as the money goes up, the flexibility also goes up. Yeah. So, I think we all thought, or I certainly thought it was going to be one of those silly, you know,

you know, silly matches where they don't really sort of do you know, they don't really sort of do anything. It's just a bit of, a bit of fun. Everyone makes a load of money and people watch it on the telly. But I think the problem with Joshua, he's still quite good at it.

And obviously he's much bigger and better and he's a pro boxer and the other one isn't really. And so he still has to keep the pretense of it being a competitive boxing match. So for Joshua, People criticise wrestling for being, you know, a joke and stuff. But good God. Joshua having to make those microcalculations

as every punch and every swing and every, when, you know, his opponent's running around the wing to avoid him. Which is literally happening, right? Right. So Joshua's having to, when he's punching him, have to make the calculations, does this look real? This opponent is leaving his chin, etc.

Face wide open for shots that I simply must make it look like I am trying to attempt because otherwise this is going to look stupid. I still have the remnants of a career as an older boxer and I would like to continue doing it. And so the back end of it seemed to be, I've got to put this on the bed because this is just stupid. He's just been too stupid. I've got to punch it really hard. I think, I don't know, yeah, I guess your perspective as a non-boxing fan is really interesting to me because Like my take on it is multifaceted, I guess, and I'll just try and get through it as quick as I can

if people don't get bored. But like, so Anthony Joshua would need of the tune-up fight. He's been out of the ring for a while. Right. He's looking towards fighting Tyson Fury next year, which will be a big fight in the UK. I mean, both those fighters are on the downward spiral, but it's still a big draw, right?

It's basically the two, you know, biggest British heavyweights of the last, however many years, even though Josh was, you know, really on the, on the dwindle. I don't think Joshua was a top-class heavyweight now, based on what I've seen of his last few fights. But he's still several magnitudes of quality above Jake Paul, right?

And I'll come on to Jake Paul in a minute. And Joshua did come in quite a lot lighter than he has done in earlier fights. Right. For, I think for contractual reasons, but there's no upper limit on the heavyweight division. So you can come in as big as you want, really. But I think the contract stipulated that he had to be under a certain. and wait for this and he signed that contract and obviously he was getting paid i think 60 million

so his rationale would have just been i've got to have a tune-up fight anyway this is a far more easier tune-up fight easy tune-up fight than i would have had and i'm getting paid probably a hundred times the money right so it's a no-brainer for him now jake paul is essentially a fairly poor novice cruiser weight now what i mean by that so what a lot of people say is jake paul isn't a boxer at all he can't fight at all. And although I think there's an element of truth in that, I do think he has kind of the makings, if he wants to be,

of like an area level cruiser, right? And there's no shame in that. I mean, fucking boxing is hard. You've got to be good. It's kind of, tell you what will be helpful in terms of a comparison. As you've always said to me, that Logan Paul has become like quite a good wrestler.

But he's obviously to work really hard at doing that. You can't just be a wrestler. I mean, he's in great shape. He takes on these high risks. because he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he dedicates himself to training and, and, and, and, and, all that kind of stuff. But it's almost like, you've got to factor in that, it's fucking hard to be really good. And Joshua is several times bigger, um, is an Olympic champion, it's a two-time world

heavyweight champion and are just so many levels to this game that it becomes quite obvious when they get put in the ring together. Now, with, um, the fight itself, it's very, for anyone to look good in a two-person fight when the other person doesn't want to fight, right? And you can, I mean, if you've got stamina and a little bit of athletic ability and a really big ring, which is what Jake Paul insisted on, and you just basically go on your knees as soon as he comes near you. Little hidey holes. I want a little mouse hole for me to hide in for a bit. Yeah, you can drag that out for five or six rounds, right? Yeah, yeah. But, and then, and that's what happened. Right. But then you're right to say, I think that AJ wasn't throwing punch.

properly. I think the punch that broke Jake Paul's jaw was an arm punch personally. Now, an arm punch is like, for those people don't follow boxing, it's basically like proper boxes punch from the feet really. So it's almost like, almost worth thinking of it like a golf swing. It starts out from the bottom of the legs all the way up

through the torso and the power comes in the fist through the shoulder and they punch properly. So that's when you see an MMA fighter fighting a boxer in a boxing match, like Colin McGregor fight a Floyd Mover. They just can't really punch properly because they have to do so many different fight disciplines. They can't spend the time learning that dedication to punch him properly.

Anti-Joshua basically broke Jake Paul's jaw in two places with an arm punch. I think if he had done it with a proper heavyweight boxer's punch, I honestly think he would have killed him. Because the way that Jake Paul takes that shot is the way that a non-boxer takes a shot, right? It kind of, he hangs his chin out there. He doesn't know how to kind of limit it or mitigate it. And you see Jake Paul just go, wow, are that right? I just got punched. And for those of us out there, and I include myself in this number,

who would quite like to see Jake Paul's jaw broken in two places, it was incredibly satisfying. It was a tree. But I think that that's the base instinct I had. But the overall thought, as a, you know, try and be a reasonably thoughtful person, is that it's fucking dangerous. It shouldn't have happened. Jake Paul should be delighted to have got out of there with a broken jaw and that's it.

And I think he deserves a modicum of respect for the bravery, sprinkled with a soups on of stupidity for even doing it because it was pretty fucking frightening to do that. I mean, Andy Joshua's no joke. He's not a joke. He's a proper fighter. And Joshua, I guess it's a massive risk for him. It's a $50 million risk for him as well because if he does.

He was never ever, ever, ever in a million not going to win. No, no, no, no. But like, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, a risk as in if you do kill Jake Paul. Well, quite, yeah. But Joshua did address that in the press cards before the fight, Pete. Right. He said, because Jake Paul tried to use that as a kind of, a kind of bargaining chips.

And oh, yeah, you said you wouldn't care if you killed me. And anti-Joshua was like, well, I'm a boxer. I'm licensed to win a boxing match. And if someone dies, I understand that's part and parcel of the sport, right? And that's that. I mean, there's not really much else I can say. Yeah. I don't think Josh Ruh always carries himself with amazing dignity,

and I don't think he's, you know, God's gift or whatever. But he is a serious fighter. He's obviously going to take a fight for $60 million that he knows he can win with pretty easy work. And, yeah, I guess it just is what it is on that front. But I don't think it was conclusive enough to have seen the end of Jake Port, unless he just gets told he can't box anymore because his jaws in about a million pieces, which I wouldn't wish on anyone.

That seems horrible. But honestly, that's the best outcome he probably could have hoped for. Yeah. You know, and to be fair to, I mean, honestly, we've seen Anthony Joshua time and time again, and you would have seen this as well,

even there's not really a boxing fan. Anti-Joshua is able to put fighters to sleep. He's got a lot of fucking power in that right hand, right? If he wanted to put Jake Paul to sleep, there's no way Jake Paul's going out of their conscious. Yeah. So that tells you its own story. If Joshua hits you on the button

and you hang your juror like that and you don't mitigate the shot you're going to sleep there's nothing special about Jake Paul not going to sleep other than the fact that Joshua just threw a fucking arm at it that's it but I think the I think you talk about the big ring that Jake Paul

sort of insisted on why don't we have a little game where we hire out a TV show maybe like we hire out a it's like the running man but just in a warehouse we hire out a three level warehouse and a heavy weight boxer has to find

and punch somebody but that person is much smaller and he's and he can run probably a bit faster than the heavyweight boxer and run all over the gaff as well presented by Noel Edmonds presented by Noel Edmonds my daughter has three

Noel Edmonds coasters that somebody got me for a secret Santa and she is obsessed with them she's just obsessed on these big they're basically three pictures of Noel Edmonds from the 70s from the 90s And from now, I don't know why she loves them so much, but that's what I've got to live with right now.

My daughter loves pictures of Noel Edmonds. And which is your favourite? Which is your favourite of the Edmonds era? I like the deal or no deal on the phone picture that one of them contains. Great clip of Noel not realising there was a disabled chap in a photo. Nice. Yeah, very. He stalled it out though, Noel, didn't he?

He did, yeah. He did, yeah. Oh, dear. He stole it out. I am before we go to the break I just want to make it absolutely clear that we are we're recording this couple days before Christmas because we can't really

we've got families we can't really be recorded on Christmas days I can't certainly because the family home or my mum and dad's home sorry is a mad house with people just running around everywhere so I'm actually on an industrial estate at the moment and I'll tell you more about that after the break a bit of a waste ground

in an industrial estate not really no just just an industrial unit but Peter if people I'm going to give you three times of day and I want you to kind of imagine kind of fast forward in your mind what you'll be doing on Christmas day if people are listening to this

because I think they'd like an understanding of what you'd be doing at the time they're listening on Christmas day right? Because this show will come out bang at the crack of a sparrow's fart on Christmas morning, right? So people will be there for people and we should also remember

a lot of people don't like their families a lot of people are estranged from their families a lot of people like spending Christmas on their own so they might be listening So if someone is listening at 9 a.m. on Christmas Day, what are you doing? Well, it's probably going to be quite similar to what I'm doing right now in that we're recording around about, you know, your 9, 10 o'clock in the morning. And I, late at night, last night, 11, I got a bit peckish, and I ate an entire pack of prawns. Okay.

And I made myself a little Marie Rose dressing. Were they for Christmas? Have you ruined Christmas? I will have to replace them. But luckily, my partner's not very well. So that means my nieces aren't coming for Christmas Day. They're coming a week later. Oh, okay.

So you're not doing the big hosting thing now. So they're not going to get the, the Air Fryer. No, I mean, there's going to be two, there's going to be Sarah's mom and dad and us sort of there. So that'll make things a little bit easier. But, you know, I'm a little bit gutted about the kids. but one of the kids has just been in her hospital with terrible asthma

so I think they're just trying to avoid they're having like a COVID-era Christmas really so they're trying to avoid the possibility of her getting ill which I completely understand but so yeah so there'll be fewer there's more food to go around that's all I'm saying so I'm a bit worried that I'm going to over-indulging Christmas Eve and I'm going to feel like this morning

probably consider doing sick I think I think when I just announced and I was going to play this little mini game with you I think most of our listeners would have essentially accepted at some point there would have been a vomit element too. A bit of a sec. So what about 11.15 a.m.? 11.15 a.m. I think Christmas walks are pretty, I think we'd probably go down to the beach.

I have a little Christmas walk. It's going to be nice, apparently. It's going to be nice? Oh, lovely. Oh, smashing. That's absolutely cracking. Because I can take, like, we all sort of say, I can tick the old December at weather, as long as it's like blue skies. Crisp. Yeah, I don't mind it being crisp, but not have anything cold.

It's just the miserable old grey days we've been having recently. And finally for now, let's have a good one. 9.40pm. Oh, I've been asleep for 40 minutes, Luke. Egg log in your hand. Egg dog and you're about to spill out the side of the chair.

Prawns on my chest. Prawn shells on your chest. A little bit of dribble down the side of your mouth. It's my ribs. pumping, just pumping, boffs out, just pumping boffs out. The whole family are looking at you. And you're pumping boffs out in front of some kind of Gavin and Stacey vehicle, maybe. I've recently started.

Christmas hat, a skew at a jaunty angle. Well, I've recently started getting my daughter to do poos in the toilet. Oh, well done. And so I'm sort of, some sort of, you know, she's, she's doing bits of mob. There's no, there's no guarantee that it'll last. But she's, she's on the loo. I'm sort of usually sort of folded up in front of her because she insists that sit down daddy

so I sit down daddy and and because of like the the cramped conditions in the downstairs bathroom I sort of I'm just boffing off as well so just she's boffing off I'm boffin off you see as you walking that toilet you are pumping away

boffing so yeah probably a bit of that really yeah I think it's a traditional Christmas if you don't mind me saying it sounds like a very traditional Christmas all right let's have a Let's have a break.

And we come back. Maybe we'll do a little bit longer to that because it's Christmas Day. But we'll come back. We'll discuss some more of these types of antics. And I want to tell you a bit more about where I am recording right now on Christmas Day. Okay. We're back with Luke and Pete Shaw. Over the preceding Christmas days towards Christmas Luke, I decided to, instead of starting my news resolution at 1st of January,

I decided to start it early and I have started trying to learn Adobe Premiere That's what I'm treating myself too I can sort of tit about with it But I'm not Hang on You carry yourself off as the tech guy at the company mate That's a big revelation

No no I've never been an Adobe Premier person All the young people who work with us Are very much Adobe Premier heads I am a Sony Vegas stand A lot of them even edit the audio in Premier now, I think Yeah, yeah, yeah, true But like Vegas is like Inside baseball, sorry about that

Vegas is like scrapbooking Do you know what I mean? You just pull files in, bang, bam, bang, cut, cut, cut, but Adobe is like a big stupid Excel spreadsheet Everything has to be just right, everything has to be straightforward, you've got to have a vision of what you want It's like asking me, Buddy Rich, to play an ACDC

It's not right and it shouldn't be. buddy rich. I think you're Meg White. All right. And I like Meg White, by the way. Is there a drummer who is chaotic and bad that is asked to play competently? That's the way we need. I'll tell you what you are.

You're Keith Moon. Right. Is he bad though? Yeah. Well, I think he's quite bad. I spend a lot of time, I spend a lot of time, this is the worst boast ever. It's not even supposed to be a boast. It's more factual thing really.

It's quite depressing to say it. I spend a lot of my time. with drummers. Right. Like three or four of my really good friends are drummers, good drummers.

Yeah. One of them's a session drummer. One of them's drummed for big artists. Yeah. You know, well, we both know Woody, who's the drummer in Bastille as well.

And I think the consensus generally is with drumming of that nature. There's sloppy good and there's sloppy bad. Right. And I think Keith Moon might be sloppy bad. Yeah.

But he made his drums explored, didn't he? Bang! Oh, he gets credit for that. I mean, To be honest, I'm quite down on the Who generally, so it might not be the best person to ask. I agree. I'm not on massive family. Are you the Keith Moon of, are you the Keith Moon of Adobe Premier? I'm the Keith Moon of Stack. Unreliable. I actually agree with that. Unreliable. Will die in a hotel room.

Early death, probably, yeah. Yeah. I was speaking to my mum, this is one of the great things about being home for Christmas. Yeah. Is, um, is, um, is um, because I don't know. Keith may actually die at 32. Just looking it up. I didn't know is that. It's a bloody hell. Um, one of the good things about Christmas, um, is chatting with my mum about kind of topics that, You don't really get a chance to chat about because, you know, you normally just doing something together, or she's looking after the boy or you're chatting about everyday stuff.

There's not a WhatsApp conversation, is it? No, yeah. And so we're talking about, literally yesterday, we were talking about how many sort of people in the 70s died by getting really drunk and then just falling asleep with a cigarette in their hand. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, nice. She's like, yeah, so and she's just name-dropping people in the town.

Because I started talking about Steve Marriott of the small faces who did it. right what's Steve Marriott story you know Steve Marriott he was out

on the on the piss with a few of his pals they did a recording session he went home and I think I think I'm right to say one of his friends went to go and pick him up

in the morning or someone walked past his house in the morning and it's just a blaze right and you're like oh it's like

fucking out I better call the fire brigade yeah I mean like you sort of because Sarah was Sarah was very well and so I gave her

an electric blanket and popped it on her and she said I fell asleep with electric blanket on I was like it's a blanket Sarah you're supposed to fall asleep with it on

it's only a problem if it malfunctions and then sets fire to the house we were brought up to be terrified I know I know I know

I know I think by the way it is yeah Steve married it's actually died in the early 90s I thought it was way earlier than that

but this it's quite a heady brew isn't it this idea of like everyone smokes no one's got a smoke alarm in the house

everyone's pissed all the time so imagine imagine like you basically your drink driving home 100% yeah you're getting back

you're lighting up a lovely tab yeah in a house which has probably got quite a lot of flammable materials in it

because that's what it was like then as well wear a shell suit yeah yeah exactly crazy

anyway on the on the recording front I'm actually recording at my mate Carl's business

today so I needed somewhere to record I'm back home. I've obviously got a two-year-old at home. There's loaded cousins knocking about as well. So there's no way I can record at my mum and dad's house. And I messaged him saying, look, can I record your house? He's probably a bit more tranquil.

He's quite a successful businessman, so he's got a nice house. And he was like, not really, but you can record in my office. I'm going to pop in. So do you want to come into the office and record? So I'm recording in his unit in an industrial state. And his business, called Iris, they make cameras for like big yachts. Oh, right. Okay, yeah.

So, like, infrared staff, CTTV staff, and they make them in a very specialist way, so obviously they don't get condensation on them, or they don't get water in them, and obviously salt water involved. Oh, God. It's absolutely your paradise. Their workshop downstairs is your paradise.

It's like environmental chambers, little vacuum units, there's loads of stuff going on. I guess nowadays making cameras that do that sort of thing are probably a little bit easy, because everything's all, like a lot of the time, everything's all on one circuit board with a little sort of camera coming off it. And so, I've just imagined there's a lot of gaskets,

lying around. Yeah. Another way you're asking me, I'm literally just recording in their kitchen. I'll just put it past it. Little rubber bands. Little rubber bands.

Yeah, I don't know anything about it. Don't shoot the messenger. Yeah. I mean, I guess like fitting for boats and stuff is probably like fitting for like really, really posh cars. They probably aren't that many made during the year.

So it probably is quite a creative industry because you kind of like, well, okay, this is here and this is here. How do we get behind this? It does thousands of units a year. Yeah. Amazing.

As far as I can make out, because he seems to be in China quite a lot as well. He sells a lot of stuff to, yeah, to wealthy Americans. Yeah. With cameras that he and his company have assembled, made of bits from China. Right. But he's always going over there and checking the quality. He's the man from Del Monte, but with cameras. Basically, yeah, I think so.

He was saying to me, what happens, what's interesting is that, When you scale up your business, so say you want to order 500 units have got quite a specialist stuff from China. They supply it and if not that. When you go ramp up to say 5,000 units, you've got to be right on it with the quality

because they just whack them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he would say like sometimes you'll do something and you'll put it through testing the same way you normally do, but because you've ordered loads more, all of a sudden the quality's not as good. So you're like, shit, what's going on here?

So you have to go over there and make sure they're doing it properly and all the rest of it. That is part of it, I suppose. It's quite a big logistical part of the business. We don't have any of that. We just make audio programs. Well, because I think if you are a company that don't do that, they sort of go, well, you know, we don't have to sort of be quite on it with this lot.

So we can chuck in a couple of, like, dumb, like, you know, dummy ones and... What are you saying about our Chinese cousins, Peter? I'm just saying that it's a hell of a lot of work to do. A lot of cameras turn around. And, you know, the thing that kind of gets me is, like, it can be... If you don't test it as you're coming out, that are getting out of the company you don't test it properly

like you got to remember that like a lot of you know graphics processing units and processes and stuff like sometimes they will work to a certain degree but like 20% not as efficient so like there'll be like a there'll be like a processor or a GPU

that runs but it won't run quite as well as you know the computer just figures out a way of dealing with having like 20% of its processing power sort of unavailable to it and then that's how like certain certain dyes get sort of separated into like B grade stock and C grade stock and stuff like that. So like you can buy quite powerful, you know, for example, there was a big sort of revolution this week in sort of video game or, you know, PC sort of steam deck sort of gaming.

Because they found a load of these PS5 motherboards basically that were put into either mining servers or kind of like large language model sort of servers and stuff. And they were going cheap for like $100. But it's basically like a PS5 with maybe like 20. percent of the processing power, it lopped off it. And so people were just putting them in boxes and just sort of going, I've got a really powerful gaming machine now because it's just like an all-in-one. But the idea that like a computer, I just always thought a computer either worked or it didn't work. But in reality, it can work when it's kind of half-broken, which I don't find fascinating.

That's weird. So there's that redundancy in there's basically. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so it just sort of works a way of sort of going, right. We've only got this amount of power. So let's, yeah, let's figure out a way of getting this information out of the screen. tried to purchase a couple yourself, no? I've got everything I need, Luke.

I've got all of the processing power I need for crying outload. I've got like, yeah, I've got everything I need, really. It's just in a really cold place right now because the cabin's freezing, so I need a way of transporting that power out. Is it like being in the upside down? It's like being the upside down. I've never seen that. I know, you've never seen that too.

But I'm going to support you. I'm not going to be... Thanks, man. Be an ally. Be a strong... I'm not a stranger thing's man myself, but I'm a stranger things ally. Stranger Things ally, exactly. You're not tough on stranger things and tough on the causes of stranger things.

Exactly, exactly. You are an ally. I do sometimes, whenever I come down to the South Coast here where I am now, I often think to myself, it's like the upside down. Because everywhere, this time of year, it's so fucking damp everywhere. Right. Is the upside down damp? Is that what that all is? I presume it is.

It's cold and dark, and it seems like it would be. It seems to be snowing this kind of ashy snow all the time. and it's never anything other than dark and sloppy and horrible. Slush. But because because I know if you find this about your daughter, but like when I take the boy down to the beach, it's not the Pebble Beach on the South Coast, he's like almost impervious to the cold.

He doesn't care about the cold. He won't put a hat on. He hates wearing gloves. He just run around. Yeah. I find the damp cold getting in my bones very, very quick. And when you compare that to say, New England where I go with the Wi-Fi of access to.

Crisp. Yeah, that's colder on paper. Yeah. But it's nowhere, it doesn't feel anywhere near as cold. Yeah. When I was in Clujian, Romania, there was, it was minus 15. And I was like, I don't, like, obviously you can't stand outside for very long because it's fucking, you know, freezing. But I didn't mind it.

It was like a lovely crisp kind of, you know, cold, coldness that, especially when it's like sunny and stuff. I do like that. But it's like we said at the start of the shore. It's the slushy soginess That's when I'm pressure washing a A set of patio of furniture In the cold I'm like, ugh, I said a rubbish

Why are you doing that? The garden's just a bit of a mess You've got to stay on top of it during the winter months Otherwise it just looks like an absolute You just look at you when you've got, ugh, disgusting One of the big psychological barriers for us on doing that Is that we're on the first floor So you've got to go downstairs to go in the garden

Yeah, how are you running a pressure washer out of that? Well, it's a backstall there's a tap outside the back so it's we've got we've got an outdoor we've got an outdoor um powerpoint as well have you have you really that's very powerful yeah well done you've never said you've done that's the most excited you've been in ages speaking of gaskets speaking of uh waterproofed gaskets for crying out loud yeah it's got a little cover on it and you just make sure you close the cover we've also got like lighting up and down the garden as well nice yeah but the problem is I think when you can just flip the wind that the back doors open and just walk out into the garden it's

great, but when you've got to go down some quite precarious steps and open another door, it's kind of, the psychological barrier is quite big. Yeah, hugely. Completely agree. Peter, we've got to do a Christmas battery, mate. Should we do a Christmas battery? Oh, my God, have we found a Christmas battery? I found one. It's in there for you, mate. Lovely. All right, well, let's round off the Christmas

show. Where's the Christmas battery. Oh, I'm doing on Christmas Day as well, by the way. It's a good point, actually. Oh. Drinking, and drinking. Battery robot is drinking. Can we have a Christmas song, please, if you're drinking? That was my drinking song.

We're not very creative. We're robots. It's like a sea shanty, but it's got no creativity because it's a robot. Exactly. Just we're drinking, we're drinking. By the way, but it's drinking. This is a great example of how tedious I am, and you'll be pissed off when I say this.

Right. I sometimes get served up videos on Instagram of like a bunch of men in some town somewhere. Wow. We've got like a little sea shanty group that they meet in the pub like once a week and they sing and everyone's a part of it and I really want to do it mate come down to Leon C. There are

sea shanty men every Would you not find that tedious you? You find that's the kind of thing you're like fuming about us. You and people like Alistair Green would be raging about that every month every month the large men of Essex come down to Leon C'd in the old town

and they wear their little Breton stripes and their little sailor hats and they sing sea shanties You know, like, it happens almost, it happens almost every month, there'll be somebody singing a sea shanty down, down the, down the cost. When people, um, criticise me for certain things, um, like, it's on the, on the nose. And I am the sort of person who thinks it will be good to do that. And I know it's, I know most people think it's cringe as fuck.

Right. But I don't really care. What do you mean? As in like, what, they'll, when people criticize you, they sort of say, No, because like, Luke will be into, Luke will be into. If someone said, do you know that Luke is in like a sea shanty group? People have rolled their eyes, but of course he fucking is. Look at the state of him.

Of course he is. One, he thinks he's good. Two, he's got a mustache and he wears like cable in it. Of course he thinks that. Right. Okay, yeah, nice. You need your own sort of silver tankard. Yeah, not really much of a drinker, so I know they'll let me in.

Yeah, but you need to, well, you can just have a little cup of coffee in the cup of tea. You'll have a little one of your milky teas. Grog. You'll probably pretend that was a stout. Grom. I have some grog. I have some grog. What is grog, by the way?

I don't know. It was the drink of choice in the video game Monkey Island. I've never really... Yeah, it was. I remember, yeah. I feel like it's... Apparently, it's watered down rum with lime juice and sugar. I mean, isn't that just a fucking...

It's a cocktail, isn't it? I'm not having that. That's an absolute disgrace from the sea fork. Let me ask you a little trivia question about it. Right. And if you think about it, you should be able to answer this. Why are the British Royal Navy put in lime juice in their rum? What do you mean?

Why are they... That's where it come from. They're putting lime juice and watering on the rum for obvious reasons. The old vitamin C, the old... Yeah, because of scurvy, right? See off the scurvy. Yeah. It makes sense.

Anyway, battery. Let's do a battery for crying out loud. Andrew has got in touch. Festive loveliness to you, Andrew. Hi, chaps. While changing the battery on a talking capy barris toy, as you do, I discovered this pair of Z, no, XZ energy, super heavy duty. Hopefully there will be a brand new offering for the battery robot.

And drinking. And a long-awated hat trick of entries for myself. Andy! Are you going to delight the drinking and drunk battery robots are, or are you going to upset him, is the question? What's the drink of choice for battery robot? I think it's like a sort of, it's like Grog, It's a robot grog.

Castrol. Castrol GTX. The sort of, you know like the rubber, you know the rubber sort of sealant from a car window? Bit of that in the bottom. Chuck in there, it's like a nice cube kind of thing. Yeah, a little thicken it up, a little thickener. Yeah, that's nice.

All right, so Andrew's on our hat trick. Imagine a hat trick of battery entries on Christmas Day. That would be incredible. XZ energy, or as our American cousins would call it, no doubt, XZ energy. XZ energy. But we'll stick with XZ energy for now. It's a triple A.

It's a AAA, nice to see. Not much in the photo, really, just pretty standard. Quite a nice, quite a Christmassy colour scheme, which is why I chose it. Yes, no, I completely agree. Nice form maker. Green, red and gold. As well, yeah. Yeah.

So, Andrew, you are, I'm afraid, the sixth person to send in XZ Energy. Some Christmas shout-outs for James Cunningham, Sean Taylor, Alan Marples, Jamie Sykes, one or two others who sent that in already. Andrew, you sent this one in just before. Christmas you're the sixth person to do so it's a relatively rare battery but it's not a new snack for the battery robot i'm afraid oh well look that's what christmas is all about it's about disappointments it's about disappointment that's absolutely fine where's dad gone he's gone to the he's gone to the pub he's not coming back um right we'll be back uh on when we'll be back what

day will that be uh monday the 29th so um you have a lovely rest of your christmas if you observe enjoy boxing day if you observe, if you enjoy the 27th and the 28th, well, that's up to you. That's your business. Don't, I mean, imagine not observing boxing day. I mean, that's a free fucking day. What, it's a free hit?

It's a free day off. Well, no, but you just go, yeah, but then there's the stress of having to go to the sales and stuff. Do people still got the sales on the 26th? It's all online now, isn't it really? It's all on nine now, crying out loud. Yeah, I would do. I like the, I love watching the BBC archive footage

of people busing their bulls. to get into a big department shop first thing on boxing day even when it was a thing my family would never do that you fucking out I'm like what are you fucking doing pub

Navy Club please on Murray Street all right then we'll be back then and look up yourselves and a Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to you guys we'll probably get Charlie

to put the jingle bells on the theme tune and I've said this right at the end so he won't realize until he has enough to go back and do it should be disappointed for him Epidemic sound jingle

Have I got any jingles do you? No, I haven't, no. Do you know what? If I had developed... Kind of like a jingle bell, isn't it? More like an alarm, isn't it? More like a carbon monoxide alarm for Christmas. Carbon monoxide, poison.

Yeah. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the Acast creator network.