The Luke and Pete Show - Toilet Plates

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

What has Pete been up to this week? Now there's a question to strike fear into the heart of men, but worry not! Because the answer basically extends to him cleaning some windows, going to see some stand up comedy for charity and typing some quite unusual things inton ChatGPT.Also on today's episode, the lads also talk about the dot com boom, run the rule over their favourite type of labourer bigger boys, and then hear from a listener who's family member has been doing some truly demented things with food leftovers.The Luke and Pete Show only serves up the longest of shrifts, and don't you forget it. To contribute to this travelling jamboree, get in touch here: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke at Pete Shore. I'm Pete Donaldson and I'm joined by Mr. Lukie Moore and we are recording this and broadcasting this on different days, but it will be going out on Monday the 24th of November. We're live. It's live. It's happening now. It's live. It's happening now. Okay, what's happening? Don't fuck out. We've both been named in the Epstein documents and we're in so much trouble because we resold Football Ramble live tickets on eBay, me and you, and we're in so much trouble.

Marcus and Jim and Vish are all very angry with us and we're being thrown out. So this is the only place you're going to hear Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson on the Luke and Pete show. I mean, that last bit is the most true of all the things you said. He's selling them for cheaper than they actually are. Yes, what was I going to say?

It's the Luke and Beach Show. It's the start of the show. How are you doing? Nice to be here. Nice to be here. Yeah, I was saying it would be nice to titillate people by pretending that it's going out totally live because it might have a frisson of danger. We could do it.

We could do it. We never edit it. I don't know how we'd do it as a podcast on the old RSS, but you could YouTube live it probably or something like that. Yeah, we never edited. We just crack on. Just get on with it. Every now and again, I'll accidentally say the name of my daughter. And then I'll have to tell somebody to tidy that up.

And I'll not remember where I've said it. So someone has to listen to the whole thing. Got it. Absolutely got it. Should be doing that anyway. They should be doing that anyway. But yes, this is a Luke and Pucci show. As Google boss said of the AI bubble,

it has elements of irrationality, which is exactly how we should be advertising ourselves. Don't we all? The Lugent Pitcher, elements of irrationality. I don't think you should blame AI for that. I mean, we've all got elements of irrationality about us. We've all got a trillion dollars invested in us and they've got a bit of an irrationality about it.

I don't know whether he's talking. I mean, presumably he's talking about the actual investment. boom rather than air itself because AI, because it's based on language models, it can only be rational, surely. It can't be irrational. It can't be. Yeah, he's talking about the groundswell of support. I see. He's basically comparing it to the dot-com boom, basically. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I sort of go, ha-ha, that's funny. Forgetting there were, you know, a lot of these companies be our advertisers. But I go, ha-ha, that's funny, ha-ha. But in the same way that, like, it's not like the internet.com died. It was just people buying

pets.com and stupid websites blew up because there was no way of making them financially viable. But AI will still exist. It's just, it'll just be a slight repositioning, one would suggest. Well, a friend of, and a former colleague of mine was able to be involved in the selling of his website, Football 365, to Sky. I think it was in 2000. and four maybe. Can't remember.

96 million quid. That seems like no matter how long you've had it and how hard you've worked, that's a good return, isn't it? Just that URL, 96 million. People were throwing money away back in the team, weren't they? It's mad. It's absolutely mad. Absolutely mad.

So you know that apparently at one point, the mad thing about it was that... That wasn't even the boom, though. Well, Football 365 was part of what I think at the time was called the 365 Corporation which actually floated on the London Stock Exchange at the end of the 90s and had a value of half a billion. Right, okay, nice. But I mean, because Football 365 was like a, that's how we kind of got a little bit of popularity,

the football ramble, that is, not the looking pitch of, back in the day because we were... Much later on, though, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Actually, I've just remembered something. I read your fucking ask me anything on the Reddit. And you said that I was, I joined the football ramble because I was a fan. I'd never fucking heard the football ramble.

How dare you? How dickety dare you? Well, I refer you to your ex-girlfriend, who I like, who I like. She's obviously done a great sales job for you because you, no way you're going to do a sales job for yourself. That's literally a conversation I had on the fifth floor kitchen at the Capitol Radio building. You will have told me about it. No, you will have told her about it. She will have told me about it.

I would have listened. I would have maybe listen to it, maybe not listen to it, and said I liked it. But I'm saying I didn't come to it organically. Okay, so it's my fault then that you said you liked it, even though you'd never heard of it, and now I had no way of knowing. No, I think he asked me anything,

suggested that I was already across it before anyone even mentioned it to me. Well, you'll go for very much said that you were, Peter. Well, I will not be having words because we have a fraught relationship. the main reason, not the main reason, but part of the reason, I reckon. There was nothing untrue in that answer I gave, nothing. The Football 365 forum, let's steer away from choppier waters. I mean, football three should have a story. So the story that Danny Kelly, who's referring to, who was part of Football 365 told me,

was that they wanted to sell it. I don't know if it's true or not, but he tells a story. He's a brilliant storyteller and, you know, who cares? It's a great story. I wouldn't put it past him because he's a character he said that he they were there in talks to sell this website to Sky I think it was the time

maybe News International probably Sky UK or whatever and said they got this meeting about it they want to get it sold and they want Danny to be there even though he's involved in the editorial side of it they want him to be there because he's a great salesman right so he claims that he was invited to the meeting quite last minute to sell in the idea of Football 365 to Sky right

And the meeting was at the sky thing out in Osterly, or wherever it was then. And he said he couldn't think of a gimmick to make him really memorable salesman to convince people to buy it. So what he did was, on his way to the meeting, he bought a ream of paper and a bottle, an old-fashioned bottle of ink. Right? Right. You know, an ink used to dip your... Yeah, like Indian ink. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, your pen. Yeah. and he said when they called him up to the front of the meeting to do his presentation about what the three five was all about he says he loudly exclaimed pen and paper is dead the internet is the future ate like three leaves of the paper and drank the bottle of ink right he did that Danny Kelly did that yeah that you couldn't drink ink unless you're that's you saying that that's you saying that that's me saying that Yeah, why, what was that kind of, um...

Oh, paper and pen is done. It's gone. Right. It's over. Why is you doing the ink? It's finished. It's finished. Did he eat a plane next like that man on record breakers?

It just seems like a, that's... He's shut out of a keyboard. Yeah, that's going to be a difficult rest of the days. That's the future. A poo-flect mouse. A poo-flect logiteck popping out of his pants. I'll tell you saying, whatever he did it. work because he's made us dough.

Yeah. Where's our door, Lukie, man? How do we come up? How do we make something that somebody wants? We come along too late to make money off a dot-com boom and too early to live in holographic bliss in the Metaverse. I just want to be on the on the hollow deck, you know, doing.

What do they say? Our generation is too late to explore the earth, too early to explore the stars, born just in time to waste our lives on fucking Netflix. whatever it is. Good. Like it. Hate it, like it. Nice. Nice it. Are you part of the, nice it? Are you part of the AI boom though? Do you consider yourself part of the AI boom? I'm always typing stuff into chat. The last thing I think I'm the last, let's have look at me last prompt on the chat GPT because it's not, it's something that I see people on the train use like quite a lot. And, and when you sort of go on to it, just tell you exactly, yeah.

So do you think the traffic onto Google is like gone down now because people, just using chat gpte then they're using it like google i think just because like i was trying to find a european PR for new japan pro wrestling company um um um uh yeah synonyms for the word problem fuck so you just google that it's a fucking thoris dot com for that yeah but it's like use a chat gpd is it well i thought jack gpd was like well i thought jack gpd you're just typing it at google typing a chat gpd something but they're the only three things i've got in me little list really yeah but i thought people An erotic poem request.

There we go. Let's see what I'm trying to do here. That's more commensurate before I thought it would be. Yeah, hang on. Where's the... But Peter, I thought people would be using Chat GBT to be like,

this is who I am, this is what I like. Please design me a travel itinerie or something. So write me an erotic poem about, I looked over to my left, some plantation blinds. And it said, I can give you something sensual and suggestive,

but I can't create explicit sexual content. Here's some tasteful, evocative innuendo leading poems about plantation blinds and yeah I think it was the first thing and I've already written like four or five things in the chat GPT I don't even think you're allowed to call them

plantation blinds anymore but you would you would run out of air telling the carpenters of Leonty because they're all over their vans they don't see the carer jot no do you like it when you see one thing it puts me off hiring someone to do a job for me

is when I see their van and the email addresses is a hotmail. Right. Do you not want them having a hot mail law rather than, I don't want them open. I wanted to be an established domain. I want them to have gone, if you're going to call your building firm,

LM Builders, I want you to have LMBuilders.com. at UK at least. Can you know, where do you stand on? Because the block around the corner I chat to quite a lot is a carpenter of decent repute and he's called Charles.

And I think that goes a long way. You need a stage name. I think Charles as a carpenter goes a long way for sort of going quality. And I don't know why. It just does. Yeah, I don't know what you mean. That's basically some inherent class-based bias.

Exactly. I think when we're getting our extension down in our attic, and when the guy came over to do that, he was called Thomas. He was very studious, very softly spoken. He had a pencil behind his ear, and I like that. Nice, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want him to be treading dirt through the house

and going, fucking this and fucking that. I've got a fucking, ugh, I've had a dirty day. We're a dirty old day. I'm going to traips, mad on all the house. Do you, um, do, um, are you got, when you've had your extension done, is the man who tested the floorboard's going to come out

and bounce around your house again? Oh, yeah. I told you that he tried, he really wanted to be my mate and I was frightened. He could have bounced on your heart. He kept asking me for ages after, about going to play snooker with him. Nice, that's cool.

I mean, I imagine he would spend age. trying to level the table that would be a right pain in the bomb that would be wouldn't it squeaking it's squeaking yeah he didn't level anything he just fixed squeakers because i think i think what happened was a squeaker man i think what happened was he has an ex con right right and he couldn't get i don't know if that affected his ability to be employed or whatever so he basically set out this business in cahoots with a flooring company or a carpet company saying he could do this service for cash. Right, he'd come in after the floor

he's done down and he'd sort of but I mean surely it's just after the carpet's been ripped up before the new one's been put down basically. Right, but surely it's just kind of like you've got a hammering some nails and you just hammer it in tighter into the joists, no? How is that kind of?

Yeah, I think your basics, isn't it? But I think with older with older properties it's more complicated than that. Right. Because you've got to know which floorboards need to be actually replaced why they're warped. Sometimes the wood is a bit rotten so you're just replacing the part of the world, whatever, you know.

So there's a little more to it than that. The problem is, I suppose, that I think, generally speaking, our house is like a, it was built in 1900. So I think generally speaking, in parts of the house where the original floor was are still there, they're just going to start squeaking again after about six months. I think it's just how it is.

I don't actually mind it. I know all the squeaky floor was are in my house because I try to avoid them and I'm not going to wake up my son. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's the other thing, isn't I suppose? But by the time you're getting fixed, it'll be only enough to weather a squeak or two. Do you know, I spent a bit of time on my roof last week,

sort of like the first floor kind of roof on top of the kitchen. Well, yeah, it was, I was cleaning the windows, and I bought like a, you know, there's one of those long poles with the squeegee on the top. So I'm doing the windows, and, yeah, you never get right. You didn't rod hull yourself, did you? Didn't rod hull of myself, but it's just kind of like, as you get older, you're like, if I was like, you know, even like 35,

I'd have absolutely no problem being up on that roof but now I'm like 45 nearly I'm like oh I don't like this at all I feel a bit like you feel a bit like your inner ear goes a bit and you feel a bit of easy stuff like that because there was this bit of gutter in I was on the second floor I was trying to fix and I must just sort of stand up and sort of smash it together

so that's fixed that's the first time that's been together for a long time for like possibly since we moved in so at least we won't have that, you know, wet problem. But it was a really, yeah, I'm not a brave boy anymore, Luke. It's very sad. No. But do you not find that? If you take your daughter to the playground and she wants you to go on the roundabout

something, you just can't do it? It's horrible. She, I don't think she's not a big fan of that sort of thing, to be fair. So I don't have to do it a huge amount, but yeah, I don't what you mean. Anything, whenever, like, all the children come and visit and I've got to, and I take them to Adventure Island, and, we go on the rides. I'm like, I love the rides, but God, I'm glad they're short at adventure. You're like, the roller coaster, you're out of go, it's a small roller coaster, all three

or four of them they've got at Adventure Island, South End, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, it's, it's, a very short rides for a very high fee. It has to be said. Is Adventure Island good? Um, it's all right. It's there. What's it like Blackpool, is it? It's a very small black but it's not necessarily a pleasure beach it's a very you know it's got a few rides maybe a little pirate ship that goes up and down yeah all the south end sort of bits kind of

sandy um there's a man because where I grew up it's all um it's all shingle all shingle yeah there's a man there's a man who's going around at the morning um who does the a little sort of satirical local magazine which I'm very much enjoying uh called the Lee well I'm very

enjoying it's it's fine um Lee the Lee whisperer which uh but he goes around doing like little sort of social media kind of videos and stuff and he interviews people and stuff and he's working really hard he's potentially unemployed I don't know but he's always seen to be off the end

like an actual physical magazine as well it's a little fanzine and also a little YouTube channel as well because you know quite apart from the bins around here they've taken down a big bridge over the train line at Chalkwell which everyone's very upset about they're going to replace it but they probably won't

to be quite frank but yeah So what kind of material is in De Lee Whisperer? It's kind of, it's like silly sort of cod onion stuff really. Like the joke on the front page was new Chalkwell Bridge to be 15 tall men. Do you know what I mean? It's like kind of like it's, it's good for an outside of London little dancing. I quite enjoy it.

I think it sounds pretty thin grue to me, honest. Well, I'll get you a copy and you can decide for yourself. But I'd just like the fact that someone feels the need to sort of do it and he's become a little sort of local celebrity around the town. It's very enjoyable. Good on, and that's why I say. That's what community is. That we need the joke tellers, the truth tellers.

Hey, speaking of joke tellers and truth tellers, I wouldn't see the stand-up comedy at the weekend. My annual dors of what's moving and shaking in the stand-up comedy scene. Nice. Where did you go? Who was it? It was the Palladium. It was absolute radio life every year. So you always tell me that I'm not allowed to talk about stand-up comedy. No.

Because I'm fucking snobby about it and I don't want to hate it and I'm just showing off. And then you're going to bring it to the table and expect me to talk about it. All right, carry on. I'll have a, I'll go make a cup of tea. I'm going to bring it to the table just simply because I've got, I saw someone that I think you'll probably have something to say about. Oh, God. Why did you put me in this trap?

I'm not going to say anything. There was a stand-up called, I think it was denesh, Nathan, right? Right. And he was, you know, particularly, he was passable, absolutely fine.

And it turned out of Ramesh Ranganathan's brother. Didn't need another one. We've got enough Romish. We've got enough Ramesh. We've got enough Ranganesh He must be depressed. Yeah.

I was just like, wow, that's, it's different. I mean, that is difficult. You've really got to have brass balls to sort of start down that road

because you're just going to be judged. You're going to be judged by, the only bit are you going to be judged by, you're going to be judged by people who love your brother. or people who hate your brother and that's nowhere to be 150,000 followers on Instagram he's got

If it were me I would do a completely I'd have a completely different name Like Stephen King's son He's taken off the rang a bit I guess I didn't realize it was double I think that's a full name

Isn't it? I don't know why he would go with a nivn I guess that's what he's trying to get away from But to be fair Got through the whole thing Didn't realise And then Sarah went Do you know his brother then

I went oh he sounds just like him Again not ideal to the set not knowing and you've enjoyed it on its merits I've enjoyed it on its merits yeah he's good he was good it was mainly stuff about how well it's mainly stuff about how he looks Sri Lankan and also black and it was the whole thing it was the whole thing right very very who else was on

John Richardson Matt Ford is Matt Ford the one does the impressions of the MPs because that's quite bad yeah yeah him and who are I was there very tall man he's like an actor as well he's like a very tall

large Cockney man no very Cockney Oh that's Tom Davis Tom Davis Tom Davis Yeah

He's just Yeah he's just been in everything hasn't he He's kind of He's funny I remember I did a I did a I did a

job with him once It was before he was famous I got asked to go on some TV thing talking about football and he had this character which was like a old-fashioned Harry Rednapp type football manager

but he stayed in character the whole time right even in the green room before he would became massive he'd be very very nice man I mean he's six seven was he were you dwarf by him I was sitting down whether right oh okay I see I see it wasn't it wasn't talk of the terrace was it wasn't

no no it wasn't it was a it was a some kind of but I might want to say it was an Adidas type vehicle maybe. Nice. Nice. It was literally, I mean, it would have been 15 years ago, probably longer. I'm an Adidas man now, Luke. I mentioned Bottiemanns on the old football ramble, and then somebody from Adidas sent us some Adidas set boots,

and look. That's a letdown. It is a letdown. But I tell you what, it's not so much the brand, but it's certainly wearing the correct shoes for the correct job. I was like, oh, this is what everybody else has been experiencing. This is what everyone else is experiencing. Don't tell me. You're going to be paying for new cast at the weekend, though.

It's the missing part of the puzzle all along. I tell you what, the improvement is, you know, it's Jacob Murphy-Hski. It really is. Oh, wow, I can actually stand up. But what about the bottomers, though? I don't know, man. I think I should sign them and put them on the shelf in the studio. It's become such a part of, or maybe give them away or something.

I don't know. Part of who you are, isn't it? It's part of who I am. It's part of the fabric of the football ramble now. Do they stink, though? Because otherwise they can't go on the show. No, I only want them to referee very briefly. I can give them a wipe down.

Anyway. So we take a short break. When we come back, we've got an email that is truly demented. We're back with the Luke and Pete show, the home of all of your demented emails. If you want to get to the show, hello, look, Pete's show. It's the way to do it, looking more. Before I forget, you talked about stand up before the break and you went to go to see some people. Great.

And that's for charity, presumably. good on you. That's a charity. Yeah. I went to go and see the rest of politics live, right? What? Like, the one at, like, they do it at the O2? It was at Hammers for Apollo. Right. Better, better size, better size.

Was it around? It was it packed? No, no. You can't have. Hamas for Apollo in a round. Are you fucking mad? I've never been, mate. Never been. Okay. Then no. It's like a normal venue. All right, good. So the O2's a normal venue. The O2's a normal venue.

Daniel Day Lewis would say, don't be thick in front of me. I think in front of them. And the show, I mean, they're very kindly gifted tickets by the people at Goldhanger, so I'm very grateful for that. I'm not going to slag it off because I've got tickets for free. And you're like the pin from Goldhanger, right? I see.

I see. I get it. Some of them. And I, um, I, um, I, um, but the one thing that is completely unforgivable that I don't think should escape criticism is that they did questions in the second half of the show. Yeah. Absolutely fine.

But the question, the, the, the main question, the, the, the main question. question was from Alistair Campbell's stand-up comedian daughter right on a video okay yeah on the big screen I didn't raise you to have to son up I had no idea who she was

at that point yes okay nice looked up subsequently right appalling abysmal abysmal like nepo baby central that's the thing like right I've got

adore you've got a son we have a job in a production company that we have made ourselves now if they do anything performative are they an apple maybe because I'm struggling

I mean I guess with someone like Campbell there's a lot of you know there's probably a few things you can sort of do he's a newspaper guy you know he did this and did that he's got connections all over the place you'd probably get something like that but in the world

comedy, it's about as close to a meritocracy when you're coming up as it possibly could be really. You know, you get booked for certain reasons. I don't know if I agree with that. I think the meritocratic aspect of a lot of stuff definitely negates any accusations of nepotism. So sport, I would say, obviously completely meritocratic. You might get a chance. So I think also sometimes people misunderstand what nepotism actually is. I think nepotism isn't even always. necessarily the outcome anyway. I think it's the opportunity, right? Or being put in a position where you feel like you're allowed to, you're permitted

in that space. I just, I just think the way I, the way I would frame it specifically with stand-up comedy is there's so much of it and there's so many people, and it's just my opinion. I get it's subjective and I'm not in that industry, so I could be talking absolute shit and it wouldn't be the first time. I accept that. But if what I've seen from her was just a normal person, if she wasn't, if she didn't have the surname Campbell and the connections

and she was just doing her thing, starting out from scratch like people do. In my estimation, it's fucking zero chance, zero chance. She's getting anywhere and she's got to. But they never said that. She has sold out the Hampstful Apollo herself, apparently. So, what the fuck do I know?

Who is it? I just think it was shit. That's all. Who is it? Alistair, Camel. Uh-huh. Grace Campbell. Oh, I think I've seen her do stuff. sort of right anyway okay anyway it doesn't matter right I enjoy going to the show and I appreciate them invited me that that's just a slight addendum email here from Max this email is demented and I'm desperate to have your take on it Peter because you might have a different

perspective I suspect not but let me read it to you let's do it it's from Max hello to you Max thanks for getting in touch she says hi chaps how's it going as we approach a holiday season I'm reminded of a Christmas a few years back spent with my family my cousin brought her new boyfriend All was going well until it was time to clear our plates after lunch. This is where my cousin revealed to us that her new partner and his family, after finishing a meal, scrape the plates directly into the toilet. Oh.

The reason being that you're getting rid of the food straight away and it's not sat in the bin decomposing. I suppose on one level it does make sense, but I think it's absolutely deviant behaviour. I don't really know what you're going to do with that information, but I really wanted to share it. Totally unacceptable in my view. You know what? It would be fine if you could guarantee there was no splash from the toilet water

that would reach the plates or your hand because you're not in that kind of you're cleaning plates up. You're not expecting toilet water to go on your hand. I just, yeah, it's too much. It's too much. I feel like the kitchen and the bathroom. It's a separation of church and state for me.

Yeah. You know, I'm not taking the piss in the sink. In the kitchen. I mean, if you've got to get rid of, like, you know, car batteries. Yeah. Or a snake you bought from a travelling salesman. Yeah. If you've got to flush that down the loo.

Like several rats. If you've got to get rid of them, flush them down the toilet. But I agree. I just think food. I think if it's something like, something that you can't get rid of otherwise, out of a pan or something that's, like, sticky, and you need to get rid of that. But yeah, just plates, every plate going down the toilet. It's, it shouldn't be wrong.

It shouldn't be wrong, but it shouldn't be wrong, but it is. You know, I am, here's a story. And if you're a screamish disposition, you might not want to listen to this. So I'll give you fair warning. It's not that bad, but basically, when my, the wife, I have access to it was still living in the US and I was living here on my own, I used to go visit her quite regularly. And I'd go for quite a long time, so I'd get two weeks off work, I'd do the weekends either and sometimes even a couple of days.

So I remember the longest I was away for one time was like 19 days, right? Yeah. I live on my own. And I took at the time I was living on my own. I took my two cats down to my parents to look after. So they were done, sorted. And then I was doing the stuff you do, like the checks you do. Yeah.

Before you go away. And I'd left, essentially, I had left a little bit of food out that I meant to just chuck in the fridge. Right. And before I went. And in all the rush and everything, I just left it on the side. Right. Okay.

Right. And went. Didn't think anything of it. Came back. Kitchen stank. Got into the kitchen after whatever. It was almost three weeks away. No one had been in the house.

Windows, I guess, were closed or whatever. And it was fucking horrible. They were like maggots in it and flies and that kind of stuff. Right. I took that and I put that straight down the toilet and I threw the plate away. That's absolutely fine. That's technically food. But I think what else am I going to do with that?

What else is, there's literally nothing else I can do. I'll bury it in the garden. And you'll always know, and you'll always know that it's in there. You'll always know that that plate will be in your dishwasher or, you know, you're washing it. So I think that's an exception you can accept. Okay, that's fair. I think that's fine. I think that's absolutely fine.

There we go. There we go. Mad. So, yeah. Well, if you've ever used your toilet for an unhinged reason, two letters to. Hello at Luke Bejure.com. We'll be back on Thursday for more batteries and stuff. stuff, if you've got any, send them our aware and we'll speak to you very soon.

Looky and say goodbye. Goodbye. Let's goodbye from me. See you later. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.