The Luke and Pete Show - Turbulent Cartwheel Restrictions

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

On today’s show, Luke shares an update on his lockdown personal training plans, meanwhile Pete takes us on a turbulent trip through his recent flight simulator journeys. Elsewhere, the game is on FIRE as we see two new players enter, before Aussie Pete gets in touch and the real Donaldson tells us all about the contents of his garage. What more could you want?We want to hear from YOU! Get in touch over on our Instagram and Twitter @lukeandpeteshow, or drop us a juicy email to be in with a chance of hearing it read on the show - [e-mail] - and while you're at it, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. 5 stars will do nicely. Cheers! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Have you gone to the pub? Have you rolled around on the ground with six of your friends in the park? What have you been up to? Lovely old job. It's rolling around on the ground not allowed because I'm in big trouble if it isn't. I think forward rolls are fine. Cartwheels are a big no-no

because that is spraying some sputum all over the gaff. I can't do a cartwheel. I think you know I can't do a cartwheel. There's a scene in the US office where Creed says his dream is to one day do one perfect cartwheel. And I can't remember where I was with my partner, and I said, I'm going to do one perfect cartwheel. Harder than you remember, the old cartwheels.

Oh, I remember exactly how hard it is. They're so, I'm so much heavier than I was as a child, and I was out of breath just doing one cartwheel. You just kind of... I think the thing about it is also, I think you just kind of calcify and become more dense as you get older. So don't worry about what the scales tells you

for lots of different reasons. But I think the older you get, just the more dense you get anyway. There must be something in that, because I always feel really heavy. What is the whole deal about when I get up, I'm like a certain amount of weight on the scales. I'm a certain weight. And then during the day, I sort of oscillate between two lower numbers

and then go back up again in the evening. It's really weird. I thought you were going to say the opposite. And I was going to say it's because you're taking on food and water yeah that's what i don't understand what how i can lose so like a considerable amount maybe it's just my scales are broken but i just can't figure it out i sort of oscillate between two different numbers when you start to go on like a fitness regime or you start to go into like a calorie deficit to lose weight you lose a really quick amount usually quite a lot quickly because i think your body's starting to readjust

because you lose a lot of water, which is being retained, and you lose a lot of food. So basically you go for like shits and stuff. And that's why you can lose quite a bit in the first few days. And then it starts to even itself out. After a couple of weeks, you kind of hit a thing where your body starts to get used to it and you don't lose weight as quick.

But I think they do say to you, if you are monitoring your weight via the scales, you should weigh yourself the same time each time because otherwise it's going to fluctuate wildly, you know? Weird. Why are you trying to lose weight anyway, Donaldson? There's nothing of you, mate. Because I'm cracking off a 12 stone, mate,

and that is not good for someone who's 5'8". That is, I got high blood pressure. That's not good. But I am finding that my little elliptical trainer played a bit of football last week, the week before. Felt fine. Felt fine before it. Felt fine after it.

Felt fine during. It must be doing something. I'm not losing any weight, but I'm certainly feeling a little fitter, feeling like I've sort of done stuff. I'm doing, I'm not sure if I've told you this before, but I'm doing regular personal training with Laura Kirk of Berkhamstead Revisited

slash Revisiting. Oh, right. And she is an absolute hard ass. What is she doing? Is she leading the personal training? Yes, she qualifies as a personal trainer as well. Right. And because throughout lockdown,

you were able to visit one person, see one person outside your household bubble for exercise, I was able to meet her outside and do like high intensity interval training and stuff but the thing is she is obviously shorter than me and slimmer than me but she's about 50 times harder than me so you just have to do it she basically she's really good at it because she doesn't take any shit basically yeah and so i've been doing that regularly since the turn of the year now. So in terms of fitness, I don't feel unfit. I went for a run last weekend, knocked off about 7K fairly easily. Not at any great pace or whatever because I'm not a very fast runner,

but I can do it. And so, yeah, fitness was okay, but I'm the same as you. I think our lifestyles have changed so markedly since what's happened that I think in a normal working day, for example, pre-pandemic, I'd knock off 10,000 steps easily because I'd be going to the office and coming home again. And it's just part of your base level, isn't it? And now it's impossible to manufacture that unless you

actively go outside to fucking build up those steps which is really hard because you're not doing it for any particular reason so you've got to squeeze it into the day etc etc so i think it is really difficult i'm pushing on for 16 stone and i know i'm six three but i mean even so it's still quite a lot and so it's difficult to to keep it up really i think everyone's like their lives changed quite quite a lot. I put together some flat pack furniture last week in the office and I'm quite tired after it. I bet. It was only like three planks of wood.

I was like, this is really tiring. I don't like it. What were you building? That shelf, that shelving unit? Yeah, shelving unit, yeah. It looks pretty good, though. I saw it yesterday. I've got my trinkets on there.

I think I reckon I could be a really good set... Not a set designer, but, you know... Set dresser. Yeah, I guess a set dresser, because I've got a lot of shit in my garage. I've got, like... It's like a new interview. If somebody went,

Peter, have you got a typewriter, a vintage typewriter? I'd go, yes, I've got a vintage typewriter. if somebody went Peter have you got a typewriter a vintage typewriter I'd go yes I've got a vintage typewriter Peter

have you got a an iMac from 2000 I'll say yes I've got one of those you're that old man stepchild blue one

honestly it's like have you got like a little weird Chinese baby your friend bought you from Chinatown around the corner

of your house yes I've got one of those I've just got a lot of trinkets and bits and bobs and I can sort of take any set on a journey east or west you should present

to me every Luke and Pete show a new thing from your garage and talk me through it that is how most interviews for jobs and set dresses start they say why don't you tell us exactly how you'd be so good at this job and you start by saying well basically I've got a lot of shit in my garage

and I think it will come in really handy and then you put the quiz over to them how you'd be so good at this job. And you start by saying, well, basically, I've got a lot of shit in my garage. And I think it will come in really handy. And then you put the quiz over to them. Ask me anything, any item, and I bet you I've got it. And they say, have you got a multi-pack of unsold toothbrushes? And you say, yes, I have. Have you got a briefcase with an LED display on it? Yes, I have. Have you got a model of a satellite?

And you say yes. And it carries on forever. So what have you taken from the garage and put in our office, the office that we share? What have you taken from your garage and put in there? To be honest, only three things.

A Zetac old Soviet camera, a typewriter, a little Chinese baby, and a couple of books that sum up a couple of things like a couple of projects we work on like okay a film you on that could have been worse one that could have been what it could have been what it could have been it could have been me going you know what i'm moving out soon so let's get rid of a load of shit i didn't do that i just got some some some choice little trinkets that would uh you know add

something to the to the general uh the the general circumstance of the office, I suppose. And how is the house move going, by the way? I meant to ask you about that. Oh, visited it. Turned out the, I think I spoke about it before, turned out the severe was a bit mad. He was very obsessed with radiators that he said didn't work but then we came around and said and they did work um so yeah it's all full steam ahead i've got again i gotta

get a sparky around to check out the wires i've got to get uh yeah if an electrician is sparky what's a what's a what's a um uh a gas fitter what's he called a pipey a smelly pipey boy a pipey smelly i don't know i thought you going to say carpenter because I was going to go yes, I know that. Chippy. Chippy, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I've got to get that sorted out. I think we're all golden, to be honest. I've discovered that they've got a Cat5

network cable going from the outside little outhouse kind of studio thing to the indoor. I was quite excited about that. Oh, that was your equivalent of Alan Partridge putting the dining room table out going yes it's an extender it's an extender fantastic so you're gonna have your own little outhouse office as well gonna have a little outhouse office um that will probably be quite cold and probably quite loud but hopefully um it might sound a little bit better than this room so luke pete shaw a goal my friend you sound

fine to me mate i'll be looking forward to seeing you with a new background. Always good. I've got some news. Do you want to hear it? I would like to hear some news. I'm going to the pub tomorrow. Oh,

Friday night pub party with Lukey Moore. I'm going off to work. What's that about then? I've got a meeting at four. Once that's finished, I'm going to the pub. I've booked in with my friend Jimmy.

He's local pub. It's not going to be very busy. It's all very well geared up for COVID protocols. I went there last time the pubs were open outside. A lovely time. I had a good few pints of Guinness. Nice table. Little patio heater if needed.

He has put the hours in at that local to say the least, so he gets very well treated. And I'll come along as a part of that. Oh, fantastic. So basically, I'll be a day tripper that everyone's going to be pissed off about but I won't be seen as one which is perfect for me really. Nice, I like it. So how

did you manage to sort of get in? Did Jimmy sort of sort it out himself? He booked it up properly above board. I think he might have booked himself in every day this week. Look, it's been a while, and I think that the Europeans are laughing at us, the French are giggling at us, because...

They always are, aren't they, bloody French? We're all waiting, when they're not having a truck driver blockade, and they're criticising the British for wanting to go back in the pubs, but apparently, yeah, we're all waiting for the pubs to open. And we are, we are all waiting for the pubs to open. Why are they criticising us

on the week that our sweet prince passed away DMX oh we're a public now pathetic yeah exactly we know how much

we love DMX I actually added Rough Riders Anthem to my everyday playlist on Spotify well the tribute the tribute I think it's what

he would have wanted it's what he would have wanted isn't it yeah I think so so anyway be good i i've not i've yet to be convinced by the people who say that you can get a good pint of guinness in a can these days for me it's not quite the same i want a guinness poured into a pint glass and i want to be able to drink it in a pub so that's what i'm looking forward to i would very much enjoy drinking a nice big sort of Stella Artois in a walkabout. That's what I'm waiting for.

Or a Wetherspoons. No, not really a Wetherspoons. What's the... Am I allowed as a weak sort of wet boy, am I allowed to enjoy a walkabout? Who are they owned by? Well, they're both got dirty pipes. Walkabout and Wetherspoons are both got dirty pipes,

in my opinion, so... Yeah, well, I mean, very much in your opinion. As a wet... Oh, yeah, because I'm not saying that. I probably can't say that, can I? As a wet boy, what do you mean by a wet boy? Oh, because you're very liberal. Worries about things.

Oh, who's Walkabout owned by is what you're saying, right? Yeah, exactly. Who they own by. Because we don't... Because obviously... But there are so many options with the common British pub we don't have to go to a walkabout

we don't have to go to Wetherspoons do we we can make an ethical or semi-ethical choice it's owned by as of 2016 apparently it's owned by

a a venture capital company I guess by the person who still they've never done anything wrong they also own Slug and Lettuce apparently. They also own Slug and Lettuce, apparently. Don't mind the Slug and Lettuce. Great food options, usually.

Can I just say, what I do is whenever I find something that you like for the purpose of this show, I put the name of the thing that you like into Google, followed by the words ownership controversy to see what comes up. But apparently they were just bought out because they were making a loss i don't think there's anything controversial there two minutes someone

found a slug in their food awful but i don't think people many people actively okay let me rephrase that i don't think many people other than australians under the age of 25 actually actively seek out a walkabout, do they? No, but I'm just saying that that's what I would like. I would like a cold Stella or cheap lager in a walkabout and I want to watch some hurling on the telly. Right, okay. So you want to go to, you're talking about O'Neill's then really, aren't you?

Yeah, I guess so. We're hurling or Aussie Ruars football, whatever. I'll take anything. Ice hockey. I'll watch ice hockey in a sticky, flawed walkabout with a load of shouting people.

There's a Canadian one. There's a Canadian one called the Maple Leaf. Isn't there in town as well? Oh, is that the one But that's not a chain, I don't think. Is that the one next to

the South African shop? Yes, it is. Is it sort of in Covent Garden? It's Covent Garden, yeah. It's in Covent Garden. Nice. Oh, I cannot wait. think is that the one next to the um south african shop yes it is it's sort of in sort of um sort of common garden yeah it's in common garden nice oh i cannot wait the last time i went to make the maple leaf right uh it would have been for those of you listening you aren't familiar with london it's in common garden which is like one of the central shopping districts districts in london you wouldn't go there i don't think necessarily if if you were a Londoner for a few beers because it'd be really busy and it's expensive.

But anyway, I was there because I was early for a meeting. So I went into the pub just to kill a half an hour and it was about probably 2pm and the first thing I saw in the maple leaf was sick on the floor. It's a great start. It's a great start. It's a great start to the day. Now, I'm not suggesting they don't clean things up properly. I imagine it only just happened and they weren't being negative or anything like that, but it was the first thing I saw.

I understand it can happen in the pub, but at two in the afternoon on like a Wednesday, I thought that was a bit much. I think that's a great idea. Do all of your heavy drinking in the morning, vomit at two o'clock in the afternoon, get your head down for a few hours. Good point.

Have another day of it in the evening. That's two days of it. Have you been hanging out of Island Brazil? Oh, lordy. Right, let's hit AdBrit. We've got some emails to get through because you guys have been good enough to give us your time and chuck over your dispatches.

We'll be back in a second with more of that. Join us on the Football Ramble as we explore the ridiculous world of football. We bring in-depth analysis of the biggest moments, like Bruno Fernandes' one-eyed penalties. Sounds like a Metallica song. Yeah, it does. Obviously, like, one eye open.

But if you have one eye closed, you know your perception. So imagine if you tried the dink and it just, like, went, like, two feet in front of him. Every weekday, we cover the good, the bad and the Newcastle. Although Shelby wasn't surprised either. He said the way they play isn't great. And you couldn't fucking beat him, could you?

Could Shelby be the mole? Didn't Bruce accuse the mole of treason? To the Geordie Nation. Yeah. Putting the football world to rights.

If you wanted to put a message on a t-shirt under your shirt and slag it off your mind. That is an absolute minefield in the dresser. Don't worry lads,

I'll put it in another language do you know how many languages that man speaks not with Roy not like what with Roy we're here with the biggest stories from the sport we love

and we want you to get involved too search the football ramble on your favourite podcast player to listen now this was a Stakhanov production oh Lukey Moos just coughed a lung up

it is the Luke and Pete show we're back with your emails if you want to a lung up. It is the Luke and Pete show. We're back with your emails. If you want to get in touch with this show, the Luke and Pete show, whenever you fancy 24 seven, our lines are open and our operators are waiting for your emails. It's a hello at Luke and Pete show.com. You know,

so get in touch via Twitter at Luke and Pete show. And we've got an email from a pilot, Neil pilot, Neil, who got back in touch.ukie moore yeah but yeah do this and then i'm going to do the battery brand so i've got to do that on a thursday or the listeners get you know well all right i'll do the battery brands first because that's something we always have to get get through on a thursday okay fine all right i'll do that now i was just making

a bit of note i was just making a note of something but that's doing a piece of kitchen roll because i have no paper and it's taking me ages. Right, battery brands. Here we go. Ben Salvage, Peter, can you let me know if you think any of these are a new player? Ben Salvage, hello to you, Ben, has sent in some Judo batteries. Judo. Judo.

I think they are new. I think they are new. I don't recall a Judo. The idea of like a battery in like a white kind of smock throwing a little battery through a window a white kind of smock throwing another battery through a window fantastic yeah so that is a new player entering the game well done to you ben um major whose name she always emails in i always pronounce her name wrong i'm very sorry major if it's maya or major whatever you know who you are thank you very much for getting in touch

um she's sent in a set of pink Tadiran batteries that's Tadiran T-A-D-I-R-A-N yeah that's a new player for me put it in the new player box I don't think that's Maja's first new player either well done to her Dan Letts has sent in Tinko batteries

that I don't think are new players and Zlingli X-L-I-N-G-L-I, Zlingli. Zlingli? I think they are new. Zlingli sounds new. Tinko sounds like a British company trying to sound like a Chinese giant or a Japanese giant.

Do you know what I think? Yeah, I do. It's like the TV show Tinko. Yeah, I do. So I'm going to give you Zlingli, Dan. We're not going to give you Tenko. So three new players, though. Well done.

A very good yield. Pete, it's over to you and Pilot Neil. Yes, Pilot Neil's got in touch with the show. Dear Luke, dear Pete, just checking in as a response to your recent mention of Cocaine Bear a few weeks ago. Oh, yeah. Because I believe it was in response to that story I first got involved with this foul jamboree.

Picking up on your hypothesis that aircraft get bumped around in clouds because they're full of snow and rain, it's more because the fact that some clouds are formed by vertical movements of air, and it's those updrafts and downdrafts that we feel as turbulence as we fly through them. I think we've had turbulence described to us or explained to us about 15 times on this show. We just, we will not learn. It can be a little uncomfortable, so we do our best to avoid them using the weather radar. Like most people, I'm not doing much actual flying at the moment.

The only reason I was in the simulator is because, as a minimum, captains are required to do one takeoff and one landing every 35 days just to keep things ticking over. Fortunately, the simulators are so realistic nowadays that they can be used to fulfil that requirement. I've had a tootle around on Microsoft Flight Simulator recently. How did you get on? I took off from Haneda Airport in Tokyo

and then crashed my plane into Venture Kofu's stadium in Kofu. Why did you do that? I was trying to get close. I'll have a little peek. You thought I'd run to the Costa Concordia? I just want to have a little peek. As for who my employer is, well, Pete actually outed me on the pod a few years ago

using my mall, or using a mall within the organisation to check my credentials. Oh, dear. I don't remember doing that. Search is the research that obviously goes into the show. Thanks as ever for all your hard work. Now, go book some flights, will you?

Pilot Neil. Pilot Neil will certainly be doing that as soon as we possibly can. You've been told we're not allowed to. There's a lesson here for all of our listeners. If you get too close to us, we will find out potentially sensitive information about your job and follow you on Instagram and let out exactly what you're doing to all of our listeners.

Sorry about that, Neil. Sorry, Neil. Yeah. You'll be all right, mate. It's fine. I like Neil on Instagram. He's a great follower. I enjoy following him.

Okay, what about this from James Harmer, who, and by the way to pilot Neil, don't leave it another six months before you email us again. Bloody hell. We've run out of pilots

at this rate. James Harmer has emailed in with a very interesting um topic and i'm i've actually got this um this is it wouldn't become clear so he says he's an avid listener to the show and he loves how the show evolves but in other ways stays exactly the same which i'm taking as a dig um yeah but anyway he says it occurs to him over his time listening that he might be the australian version of pete donaldson right right okay and he's listed two four six eight ten eleven behaviors which make him like you

right now what i'd like to do pete i don't i know you're looking at the email as well but what i'd like to do is i would like to you to attribute a points value to each of these behaviors because you're the authority here. And then we'll total up James's points total at the end and give him a mark out of... In fact, you know what? Because there's 11, we could probably just give him a mark out of nine

for each one. And then we'll see how many... Effectively, it'll be out of 99, but effectively out of 100, how many points percentage-wise he is like you. All right? Yeah, that works for me. Okay okay so i'll listen to you once one at a time and each one you give a mark out of nine okay okay first one doesn't like food fetishization what do you mark that out of nine uh i think that's i think that's a pretty good kind of like connection to me i think

that's an eight for me an eight okay uh number two loves a fizzy lager that's an eight as well that that sums me up quite nicely lager doesn't like to ask about with food too much so these are these are all pick dancer behaviors that he thinks he sees in himself number three he always needs an antacid yeah um i've not had quite as many recently as i have in the past okay i'm putting that down to about a five okay no problem number four it's a certified japanophile loves all things japan yeah okay that's a nine that's right up there okay still there that's been consistent he's getting high points here james says i don't like putting people out and I'm always overly polite. That's a nine for me. That's up there, yeah.

Nine? I'm so polite, I'm rude. No, I think I agree with that. Number six. I use my oven as a cupboard. You don't do that anymore, do you? Don't do that anymore. I use my oven as an oven.

I'm proud. That's the old Pete. That's a two. That's the old Pete. Finds himself uncomfortable in shops. Yeah, always uncomfortable in shops. Hate being there. Hate the people who work there.

Just hate everything about it. You would not see me outside Primark on Monday. Everyone's complaining about all those people outside Primark. Why is everyone having to go up people buying socks and pants in Primark? It's all very weird. What are you giving out? It's for my money. What are you giving out? It's for my money. What are you giving out at nine?

That's an eight. That's an eight as well. Yeah, I agree. I've been in the shop with you. I think that's fair. Loves Chinese food. Loves a succulent Chinese meal. Yes, nine, please.

Nine. Yeah, it's still a nine. This guy could possibly be the Australian me, definitely. Well, we're going to find out. He says he always leaves his Airbnb or his hotel spotless. Yeah, clean as a pin was a recent review from me. About me, rather. What's that?

What do you mean? Oh, yeah, it's a nine. It's always the same, Pete. It's always the same. All right, okay. I mean, they're all pretty high. I maintain, he says, I maintain a big box of wires that I can never throw out.

Do you still do that? No, I'm quite ruthless with my wires these days, but I still have a huge eu mountain of wires still there let's give that a six okay and the final one is he was devastated when the australian version of maplins they're called dick smiths closed down because it was a great place to go shopping dick smiths oh so that's why the battery brand dick smiths i guess so it must be recently that must be it yeah i think you were devastated when maplins closed out i think you don't want to be too coy about this i think to me that's why the battery brand Dick Smith's I guess so, it must be, yeah. I think you were devastated when Maplins closed down. I think you don't want to be too coy about this.

I think, to me, that's a solid seven. Yeah, although right now I don't think I'd live near a Maplins, but when I lived in central London, it was a real... If you needed something fixed and you needed it fixed now, it's a real mist of the high street, to be quite frank, however expensive the all this stuff was well all that all that considered um it means that our australian listener and friend james harmer um has come back with a solid 80 percent peak dancing rating got 80

out of 99 which gives me a mark of just over 80 he is probably someone with the highest claim to be the austral Australian version of you. I've never seen a picture of him. I don't know what he looks like. I don't know what job he has. I don't know how successful he is in his life. But on those parameters alone, he is 80.5% if you. If we ever need someone to cover for me when I'm on holiday,

we could have the Pete and Pete show. That'd be amazing. Pete squared? Pete squared. That'd be fantastic, wouldn't it? It'd just be incredible to listen to that.

But thank you very much to James for taking the time to email that in. Right, Peter, that's pretty much all I've got unless you've got anything else you want to talk about. I'm done.

I'm pretty much done. I'm spent. I'm cleared out. I'm getting ready for a weekend of fun, hijinks and I would pretty much done. I'm spent. I'm cleared out. I'm getting ready for a weekend of fun, hijinks. And I would very much like your review of the pub on Monday. I will give you that. No problem.

So we both feel like we've had our conversational enemas and there's nothing left to give. We are empty. We are conversationally empty. Some would say that's been happening for years, but that would be rude. Thank you very much for sticking with us throughout this day's

Thursday's episode of the Luke and Pete show we'll be back on Monday for more of this nonsense do check out all of producing Natalie's fine work over on Instagram

and Twitter at Luke and Pete show email us hello at Luke and Pete show as well and we will bloody very much bloody look forward

to hearing from you again and speaking to you again next week but chiefly going to the pub, and we'll report back on that next week as well. Say goodbye, Pete Darnson. Goodbye. It's goodbye from me as well.

This was a Stakhanov production and part of the acast creative network