The Luke and Pete Show - Two Wise Men

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

Luke and Pete are back and things are getting Christmassy! The boys discuss everything from Disney Princesses to fizzy lagers, plus important news about a cat getting its head shaved. Also on today’s episode, Luke details his childhood flute-playing skills before Pete tells us all about his most important Nativity play performance - involving pulling a man’s hand off…Elsewhere, we’re back with some of your exciting emails, including one pub’s unfortunate fruit machine scandal. Don’t miss out!Get involved! Let us know all about your Christmas plans - [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

yeah baby it's the luke and pete show it is monday the 21st of december and many happy returns are we going to be brought along are we going to be putting out thursday's show on christmas eve that's going to be exciting isn't it that's going to be exciting yeah yeah Are we going to be putting out Thursday's show on Christmas Eve? That's going to be exciting, isn't it? That's going to be exciting. Yeah. Is it going to be exciting or have you just overhyped it? A little bit. I mean, we're going to be recording it in a bit.

We've got no plans. So I don't know what you've got, obviously, but I've got nothing. It's basically this show, but more of it. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely right. How are you, Peter? I'm good. I'm good. It good it sounds like um i

mean talking to and experiencing people's like social media outbursts on twitter i i think i might be doing considerably better than everyone else i'm all right i'm happy yeah i normally everyone's losing their minds they are and it's a difficult time for everyone isn't it and we should show solidarity with all of our all of our listeners to say that we understand everyone's having a difficult time. But yeah, I normally keep, I mean, back in the day, as you well know, I used to pipe up on Twitter. But more recently, I've

kept my light under a bushel. I would say, yeah. Until the weekend. No, it's fair enough. My plague under a bushel. But I exploded over the weekend at Zach Goldsmith. So that was a bit of a release. I've had a bit of a week of it.

So that was a nice little pressure release. Yeah, you've had a rough little time of it. So obviously, if we deal with the bigger problems and then your slightly smaller problems, I'm going to say, but to you, obviously, much bigger. We're now in lockdown. Obviously, a lot of parts of the country in the UK are in tiers two and three.

London, and certainly where I am, is tier four. Here, too, kind of like, I didn't really realise that tier four existed until we were in it. No, it's like Spiral Tap, when they just turned everything up to 11. Why not just make 10 louder? Just make tier 3

harsher. No, we're in tier 4 now. Someone said over the weekend on Twitter that tier 11 will just be Boris Johnson circling over you in a helicopter sniping you if you try and put the bins out. Oh lordy. It's been a funny few days so for a lot of people have had to reverse all of their plans for uh christmas have you have you

had to make many changes i'm one of those people yeah so are you sadly we uh in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world i know people have had it far worse than i have and we've got a pretty good setup here mimi and I, so I can't complain too much. But I mean, I feel sorry for my parents, obviously, and for my niece who can't see her grandparents over Christmas and all that kind of stuff. And the worst thing about it, Pete, is not the situation. I think people broadly understand the situation.

Unless you're a tinfoil hat wearing buffoon, you know how important it is. The problem is the message and delivery of the message and the timing of the message, right? So it might feel like a small thing to some people, but like, for example, my parents have now got a kitchen full of food, no one to eat it, you know?

And there'll be people out there who've trained tickets and all the rest of it. We had a nightmare. I spent the weekend speaking to a lot of our colleagues at Stakhanov about what they're going to do because obviously a lot of them are younger and have made their plans they're not sure what to do and yeah it's just a whole faff really so it's been it's been a difficult time obviously i've got my bag swiped on tuesday as well which made things a lot more difficult so all in all oh and by the way also for those

eagerly listeners as i like to call them who will notice that I'm not on the Football Ramble this week, that's because I've also been told I've got to isolate because my Test and Trace app pinged. Oh, really? Interesting. I'm stuck in the house until Boxing Day anyway. So, in actual fact, Pete, if the tiers hadn't changed, for my

situation personally, it would have been worse because I would have technically been able to go to see my parents, but I wouldn't have been able to because it would have been worse because i would have technically been able to go to see my parents but i wouldn't have been able to because i would have been isolating so i had to stay indoors until till boxing day mate well i sort of noticed there's this kind of like valley like south of london um not including like places like kent like you've got this kind of like tier two wonderland until you get to gosport yeah it's just like yeah sorry the hamster's like not in tier four then as soon as you get the ports on. Yeah. And it's just like... Yeah, Surrey and Hampshire's not in Tier 4,

then as soon as you get to Portsmouth and Gosport, it's in Tier 4 again. Yeah, I think there's a bit of a big... It jumps straight over 3 and 4. I think there's been a lot of pressure on the hospitals down there. And as ever, I don't want to make this a more broad political point,

but there aren't as many hospitals down there as there used to be. So what a surprise, they're being overwhelmed. So there used to be a big hospital in Gosport itself called uh called Hasler which is a navy hospital that was closed um to all intents and purposes a few years ago so now everyone's relying on QA in Portsmouth which is about I don't know a six or seven mile drive away so I mean I imagine it's under an awful lot of pressure so look it's not a great time but it is Christmas week so maybe we should just try and keep it positive um you know i had i had my bag stolen

but i got my notepad back thanks to a good samaritan so that's a nice thing um and yeah we just have to push on people it's got to do our thing what's happening with you anyway that's enough about me what are you doing i'm just interested about this whole hospital thing because presumably a hospital nearer the coast has literally half the catchment area. So it should be half as full, surely. I don't know what the thinking is. For some reason,

we don't need hospitals. That was certainly the rationale for closing Hartlepool Hospital because we're on the coast. The smart money is to put a hospital away from the coast because then you are serving everyone in a 360 kind of direction.

But if your hospital is on the coast, you're only serving 180% because you're on the coast. Fascinating. That's a weird thing. I never really thought about that before. Yeah. It makes sense, doesn't it? What does someone think of the fish?

They need hospitals as well. I know. A little fish hospital. Oh, yeah, yeah. So can I get a quick update on the lad who found your... This is the exciting story. This lad just found your notebook and your bag somewhere in the middle of nowhere?

So shout out to Callum. I Instagrammed about him. Good kid. Yeah, so I was in the pub on Tuesday, the night before the pubs were closing down again. And we went for a couple of drinks with Sam, a.k.a. Camer who would um who would stop working with us and obviously you can only have a certain amount of people going out but we thought we'd

just take a quick drink with him and as i was in the pub garden i guess when my back was turned my bag was on the floor and the pub garden was full of bags there was like 50 bags there um but mine got mine got swiped basically i only realized when i went to leave and it had everything in it so it had my laptop two pairs of headphones uh because obviously work i need certain types of headphones and um my sunglasses but most importantly my notepad right which has got everything in it all my work for the last year is in it so notes and ideas and situation places where i am with certain projects yeah exactly rude doorbings i've got really good at drawing um a lady's breast in a graffiti style

that i was gonna i was gonna um actually transfer over to maybe doing it on the side of a wall or something so that was all gone but i got off the next night and i was kind of resigned to have lost everything but the next night i got a phone call from an unknown number, and it was this kid. And I could hear his mum in the background telling him the questions to ask me. And it turns out he's at home in North London because he's back for Christmas from university, and he was walking back from seeing his mate,

and he saw my notepad on the side of the pavement, picked it up, found my mobile phone number in it and called me and arranged for me to come around to his place to pick it up so i had a nice socially distanced chat with him and his mum and uh gave him a little reward and a christmas card and uh he gave him my notepad back so i'm looking at it right now i've got the notepad back thankfully so everything else is replaceable of course it costs money and that's a pain but um the notepad was irreplaceable but thankfully it is now back in my possession is it is it is it uh damaged it was it water damaged at any point honestly the problem the problem i'll find when when things like amazon deliveries turn up um you have got like we have got like a bit around the back of the house where

they can just throw packages. And goodness me, they do. But on a rainy day, oh, it doesn't half get soggy. Oh. Yeah. So I was fortunate. So what he also did, Callum, bless him, he's a really good kid.

I mean, I know I'm older, but I'm at the stage now where I was thinking, if he was my son, I'd be so proud because he's done the right thing. He's gone out of his way to help someone out like a week or two before christmas and he's you know i hope he gets some good karma out of it because he definitely deserves it i would have sent pages back one by one yeah one by one yeah but but but pete what about this this is the measure of the man he is he um he all the associated paperwork that i had stuffed in my notepad he went around

and picked it all up and put it all back in there and so um so luckily it wasn't raining or anything so i've got it back in pretty much the same condition it was in before when i lost it you wouldn't even know really it's it's how far it how far had it traveled i don't know i think what's happened is some idiot i don't know some crackhead what's happened is some idiot, I don't know, some crackhead or something, has stolen it, has legged it down the road. So basically, you know where the Elwynn Castle is, isn't that pub? Yeah. And then the road that goes

up from that to the office, it was like halfway between on the main road. So they legged it out of that road, opened the bag, taken all the stuff they wanted out of it, and then just chucked the rest of it to the side of the street. So all the other stuff wanted out of it and then just chucked the rest of it to the side of the street so right so all the other stuff like um water bottle um now no no the now gene mate the now gene did you did you find did you sort of go back and find it in the street or i tried to find it but it wasn't there by the time i got back i was it was did you find because the only

time i've ever had been had stuff stolen off me um in in me in London, I found a lot of my stuff in the bins behind the place where I'd got the stuff stolen. I found a couple of business cards that someone had given me from my wallet. It was very interesting and it all smelt of onions because it had been in a bin. But I was just wondering if you found it. From piecing it together and from what i've had from

piecing it together and from what young callum told me they just chucked it all by the side of the road so it was no chance i could get anything as well to add to their rap sheet i know i know you'll be pleased to know that i've already got a replacement now gene so but the thing is i know this sounds mental and people listening hopefully hopefully will understand what I mean, but the Nalgene's are made in such a way that you get little bumps and creases and scratches on them, and they become quite personalised. So I'm actually quite sad that I'm not going to see the old Nalgene again. You presumably can't believe your luck.

I've got to replace me. That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. And that's you saying it. And that's me saying it. Yeah. Oh, no. Anyway, Peter, that's enough about me and that's me saying it yeah oh no anyway Peter that's enough about me thank you very much

I'm glad you bought some malfunctioning headphones yes that restricted our recording of the show to 10 minutes late yeah and also

my backup the backup headphones I found at the back of a drawer I don't normally use because my cat chewed through the cable so

yeah it's a bit of a shitty time to don't normally use because my cat chewed through the cable. So, yeah, it's a bit of a shitty time to be honest. I think, you had an alright, yeah, I'd say. Like, all things considered and just the end,

it just seems to be really ramping up the pressure on young Moa. Oh, you'll like this as well. I actually got round to buy myself one of these Garmin watches to check my health

and to make sure I'm exercising enough. Set that up the day before I got told to isolate. So I can't use that. So great. Anyway, Peter, what's been going on with you? Talk to me about you.

How's the beautiful Hertfordshire countryside? What have you been up to? Not a lot, really. I think what's been the major kind of... You got your Christmas present, right? I got my Christmas... Yes, thank you very much. I got my 24 crate got me yes yeah thank you very much I got my my 24 crate of

of Tisky I've piled through about three individual well two individual kind of four packs it was it's actually good actually

because I can ethically enjoy this Tisky because somebody pointed out on Twitter that I think the the creators the creators

the craftsmen yeah they're quite problematic aren't they yeah they're quite problematic and I so thank you for giving me the gift of the creators, the craftsmen. Yeah, they're quite problematic, aren't they? Yeah, they're quite problematic. And so thank you for giving me the gift of Tisky over Christmas that I can ethically drink because I didn't realise that, yeah, they're problematic individuals.

So I'm on the hunt for an alternative fizzy lager, if anyone's got any suggestions. Lech. Is it Lech? Is it Lech one that they have in Poland as well? Yeah, yeah, Lech or what's the other one? Is it Krul or something? I mean, Lech would be fitting for you.

No, eh? No, I'm just prepared for Christmas. You know, getting some... What are you going to be doing? Have your plans changed? Yeah, they have, but it's fine. I'm happy. I like Christmas.

I was never going to go and see my parents anyway because they are travelling from Hartlepool to Manchester. I've still not seen my little niece, Sophie. She was born in like August. Oh, man, this year.

I've still not... Fucking terrible. I've still just not got to see her but we had a little video call. She was in fine form. My niece keeps on getting Emma called she was uh she was on in fine fettle on fine form my uh my my uh niece um uh my niece keeps on uh getting emma is it keeps on um really annoying her mum who is a a staunch feminist and she uh really loves disney princesses yeah um which are frequently not the most kind of like

uh progressive uh uh female kind of empowered um figures in sort of disney law um so my sister's very uh very wound up about the fact that uh the lure of the disney princess is too much for well you've got a steerer you've got a steerer to the right one so basically yeah the more recent ones aren't as bad so like moana is pretty good she's pretty fearless and she's sort of told that she can do whatever she wants to do and because my niece is the same right so my niece loves all that disney stuff but i also pepper her i've tried as much as i can in my capacity as uncle and with mimi as well who's also very very staunch um feminist as well we try to pepper her with books and little things like t-shirts to show that like she can be whatever she wants to be.

And the fact that she's a girl shouldn't change anything. So she's got that book, Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls, which is amazing, which is this amazing bedtime storybook about all the most brilliant women in history. She's also got a t-shirt she loves to wear of all like quite radical, you know,

influential and really high achieving women on there and so so what i think what it's about is not being a killjoy about it not kind of saying oh just because you're a girl who has expectations you can't enjoy these kind of stories because they are effectively fairy stories and kids at the age of four or five don't give a shit about that but it's about making sure i think you condition them to understand that there should be no limitations on what they can have out of life because they're female, you know. So I would definitely advise against being a complete killjoy about it.

I think there's a place for all of it because it is part of big popular culture. And also, Pete, the last thing you want is for her not to be able to relate to her friends or whatever because she doesn't watch any of the same things or enjoy any of the same things that they enjoy. So I think there's a balance to be struck, my man. That's what I would say. I agree. I agree. I mean, I would say that... Oh, just get her a can of Tisky. You can be whatever you want.

Any of you want the wildies, Daniel. You can do whatever you want. You can drive. You feel more confident. Yeah, true. I go back to the train station and I forgot I'd put my scooter at the train station and I got off and I got off the train and then i was about to get my scooter and i was like hang on i've had like a beer and a half here oh no i know i don't because i've never ever

been on the road ever i was like oh crap yeah i completely forgot so i almost how many times be honest how many times you've done it before before you realize oh dear lordy speaking of speaking of um young kids and that as you see that story um i think it was in the mirror uh it came out over the last week or so about this mom and her daughter being in the school nativity play so basically right for those who haven't seen it this mum refused to attend her daughter's christmas school play because her daughter was a tree right now i mean i'm trying to empathize with this position i understand that might be a bit disappointing because everyone wants to think their kid is not the star of the show but when you drill down into the story a bit more apparently the kid who's in second grade so

i don't know how old that would be like seven maybe six or seven um apparently she wanted to be a tree she chose to be a tree because she didn't want to sing right it's the kid's own decision right yet the mum still refused to go because quote unquote i'm not taking a day off work because trees don't do anything that's so sad isn't that so sad anyone on like the reddit kind of okay because i think this kid this story came from reddit and like anyone who's asking the question am i a dickhead on reddit yeah you're a dick if you don't already know you are a dickhead i saw one of those the other day which was am i a dickhead for not being pleased my wife got a promotion yes

that is the most open and shut case of a dickhead I've ever heard there's just so many controlling men and women who are just kind of like oh this is

something's changed in my life and I don't like it why am I feeling weird and it's okay to feel weird but just don't tell anyone about it

no I totally get it like so you know like the reason that larry david on curb is so good is because like he is unreasonable and he won't let anything go and he isn't just incredible the stuff that he he gets up to but a lot of the time with larry david and his character in that yeah it's there is like a it's like a grain of truth in it like hang on a on a minute. Yes, Larry is coming out of this looking worse, but the hypocrisy here or the other side of this is actually quite interesting. And he's very good at finding those things, right?

In this case, and on most of those subreddits, that is not the case. You know, it's basically open and shut stuff. Am I being unreasonable or am I a dickhead because I drove my car into someone else's car and wasn't giving them my insurance details because they looked at me fine yes you are being a complete dickhead you've been a complete idiot it's mad it's how that the it's how the um i just it just makes me laugh that the uh like what is what is the best case

scenario for this mum like what is the best case scenario for this mum like what is the best case scenario for this mum regarding like like the actual like what is she gonna see that is so incredibly exciting but you know what is what is i mean the deviation between like someone you know standing there as a tree and you know singing as mary or whatever or one of the donkeys i don't know what the you know because i remember at school and I remember being given, I got given a good role in a play of an old man in the nativity,

but it didn't really make, it was a non-demonial school in primary school before I moved to Catholic school. So the actual play was, I was like an old man and it didn't really make much sense. And I think in the final nativity play,

I was, that role got taken off me because I'd stolen some books from the library. Oh, here we go. The mobile library. And also they didn't trust me to learn the lines. It's not a punishment, is it? Both adequate things. I was annoyed at the time.

And so they settled on me having a fake detached hand, which probably wouldn't happen these days. A fake detached hand. It was kind of like an amuse-bouche before the play started. I would walk onto the stage. I would have a fake detachable hand, and I'd go and shake a man's hand, another boy's hand, and the boy would pull my hand off as he shook it and he would scream and he would

run off and that was all I was allowed to do in the play. Did you do that before any of the audience turned up? Because I'm speechless here. What relevance has that got to anything? I know yeah nothing to do with nativity. I don't think the old man was a canon bit of nativity. You just run out of rolls for kids. That's why some kids are trees. Is that why that famous picture of you riding on the back of a very upset elephant? Is that how you entered into the play?

Jesus rode a donkey into town. Yeah, we haven't got one. I got an elephant, though. I tell you what, that's not bad. I'm disappointed about the lack of donkey, but the elephant is an upgrade. I'll tell you what, that's not bad. I'm disappointed about the lack of donkey,

but the elephant is an upgrade. I was, I mean, in probably the most ironic thing to ever happen to me, I was one of the three wise men. Oh, Loki, which one? Did you watch Frankincense? I think I was Frankincense, yeah. Yeah, and I recently watched, because my niece's school had their nativity play,

but no one was allowed to attend because of COVID, they did it on a private YouTube video, and they sent it around to the parents. Oh, yes. And I was able to watch it. And I thought Betsy was the best, right? Honestly, I thought she was the best. You should have left that comment, though.

You couldn't leave comments anyway. But I thought she was the best but then I realised straight away that I'm one of those people that just thinks their niece or daughter or whatever is just the best and admittedly Bette's only had like a couple of lines but then they only had a couple of lines each anyway because there's so many of them

I think she might have been the Archangel Gabriel or something and she came down and just did a couple of lines but she was really good I got sent one for a mate who lives in new york so his kid is like this proper new yorker nice yeah and she was doing something so everyone was like socially distanced and in masks and stuff but they were doing a little dance but the problem is like he she's got all of her dad's ipad and she will send me stuff on his icloud account. So it will come into my phone as if it's from him.

So at 1 o'clock in the morning, I'll just get a ping on my phone and Tony Windrum, a 40-year-old man, 40 yesterday, a 40-year-old man will just be sending me a Minions clip on YouTube.

First of all, turn your phone, turn your phone off at night. Because that is mental. Why are you getting pinged in the middle of the night? Yeah. And you sort of feel, cause it's a ban,

you feel duty bound to sort of send something back. But then you're like, I don't have that much kind of like safe for work content on my phone. So I'm just like, ah, what? And, and,

and I'm doing it. And, and so i'm like all right so i go on youtube and i'm trying to find something that she'd like a cat dancing or something um and you and i've got to sit there and watch five minutes of cats dancing in case there's anything horrific in the middle of it you know what i mean like a freaking suicide or something because this is larry david stuff isn't it just isn't it um i am i i i found a good photo yesterday which i sent to my sister the show to bet my niece which was a cat in a barber's chair with the little smock on and everything about to get a haircut oh that was your cat no it's not my cat i just

saw oh right sorry i was gonna send it to you as well yeah i think you sent it to the looking pete the the newly um that's right titled look at pete's your uh what's up page yeah because now we've got a boss on this show that tells us what to do haven't we well she's actually listening you know i've just i completely forgot to invite her to this to the recording session and uh i've only just remembered she's listening that's why we don't pay money for producers because you don't invite them they're literally getting money for nothing you are uninvited what have you done this week nothing pete told me absolutely nothing um so peter have

you got any more um have you got any more um nativity play stories other than the fact that you were banned from one and the other one you played an old man who pulled another man's hand off yeah now that's about it really i think i was involved when i used to play the cornet or the trumpet i think i was involved in playing why are school level brass instruments why do they sound so mournful that's what i want to know you know like when you hear like the sally army the salvation army in the town center playing you know good king wenceslas or you know like when you hear like the Sally Army the Salvation Army in the town centre playing you know Good King Wenceslas or you know

Onward Christian Soldiers or something it is the most depressing tone of music I've ever heard in my life it's just like oh mate

jazz it up a bit so when I was at primary school two of the main things that I can remember one is one of the cool teachers he was also the football coach who didn't pick me for the district um final to be played at gosport

borough's ground i wasn't even a sub right i still kind of liked him though he was still a good teacher and a good football coach he once tried to show us all how to do a hand clap press up do you know what that is? Yeah, press up, clap, and then press up. Yeah, press up, jump. And he ended up breaking his own nose. Did he really? Yeah, he did. How did he...

I would have just walked into the sea. I would have driven my car. I'll tell you what. Sorry, I've embarrassed myself. He could have walked into the sea in about probably under 10 minutes from our school as well um so that was definitely an option for him and the salt presumably the very cold salt water would have helped his broken nose and the blood

exactly but anyway so that's one of the things i remember the other thing i remember is um for some reason i don't know how this came about, right? But for some reason, I was either instructed or I volunteered or it was my idea, I don't fully remember, to play the flute, right? Oh, right, okay. My parents obviously couldn't afford a flute because, I mean, those kind of instruments are astronomically expensive, right? So the flute was probably about 600 quid. And my parents...

Say again? McDonald's straw? Could have done that. But the thing is, pete the reason i never got into playing the flute is because you know you've got to put your mouth in like a weird way to actually start playing it and it look you you kind of forced it to do you know that face that limmy does sometimes yes exactly that exactly that right so those who aren't flute enthusiasts or flute experts well in fact even if you are maybe you can email in to confirm this the flute comes apart right it's three parts you've got the main big bulk with all the buttons on it you've got for some reason you've got a separate

end piece with another couple more buttons on it and then the front piece where you blow that can just be removed now yeah i don't know know if this is de rigueur, but certainly when I was taught how to play the flute, which probably went on for about three weeks, and so justified my pretension not to buy me one, you just got to use the first bit. So for the whole lesson, all

you were doing was blowing into that first bit to show that you could blow into it properly before you even got anywhere near the main thing. It would basically be like teaching someone how play the guitar for but for six weeks there's no strings on the guitar but i remember what i'm just doing like chord patterns i remember the first few violin lessons being playing like pizzicato playing it like a guitar um and just get your finger shapes and also i remember my first trumpet lessons was just playing just gone through the through the mouthpiece it's yeah yeah i mean i don't know whether that's like the separating the wheat from the chaff kind of thing like if you can't do that there's probably

no point in explaining what a spit valve is yeah the spit valve was disgusting i remember i remember an orchestra at school when i used to play i think I kind of demoted myself to drums by that point. And I can remember a couple of the... It's amazing that you just kind of let go, I'll do this now. I'm going to come out of the flute, I'll do this. I went through loads of different instruments. But anyway, I remember our school was quite a strong

performing arts school. And so the orchestra at the time was like quite a big deal and so a lot of the teachers used to play in it right and my tutor who i quite liked at the time but looking back on it was a bit of a kind of legend in his own lunch hour type thing he played the trombone so we had this school orchestra like me every year every week and have all these different instruments and the and the the tutor played the trombone, right? And I remember him being quite close to me, using that spit valve probably three or four times

in that hour session, and it just being absolutely disgusting. And listen, in a post-COVID environment now, no way. Not a chance. I'm not getting near the geezer. What is the people who do play in brass bands and play... I think that's all off now. You can't do that anymore. Yeah, I guess that is just air, isn't it?

I mean, you can't really wear that with a mask, could you? You can't play a trombone with a mask on. It's ridiculous. You can probably play the drums and conduct, but that's it. Anyway, Peter, we've been talking for ages. We've got to take a break. Oh, yeah, shit. All right.

It's flown by. Here's the break. This week on Stakhanov. Between the Lines with Melissa Reddy releases a brand new episode exploring the hot topic of head injuries in football. As well as exploring the sports linked with dementia with neuropathologist Dr. Willie Stewart, Melissa spoke to ex-Tottenham star Ryan Mason,

who was forced to retire after a devastating head injury aged 26. I couldn't look at light. I was sleeping for like 20 hours a day. I couldn't really hold a conversation. Like I say, when the brain gets an injury, the body almost just instinctively responds and it almost just shuts everything else down. Meanwhile, self-care club Wellness Road Tested have launched a brand new epilogue show.

Join Lauren and Nicole every Friday where they'll be hearing about your experiences, talking to the experts and reading the very best wellness literature in the self-care book club. I think it's a totally life-changing book for sisterhood and womankind. It's revolutionary in how to adopt self-love

and live for who you are. Search Between the Lines and Self Care Club on your favourite podcast player. All that and more at Stakhanov. That was the break. Did you enjoy it everybody? A Christmas festive commercial

activity from Stakhanov and Luke and Pete show. Thank you very much for coming. If you want to get in touch with the show, it's very simple. Luke, how can people get in touch with the show? You sound like Bob Mortimer. Does that make me the other one?

I have sort of fallen into Bob Mortimer. My favourite kind of Vic and Bob sketch is always the fun, Tom Fun and Derek. I just love the way that Vic fun and Derek. I just, I just love the way that Vic Reeves talked as Derek. We've been kicked out of our accommodation and he's like, it's a gyro day, Tom.

It's just two misfits walking around. I love Vic and Bob. I think they're both national treasures, but I love that. Undoubtedly. They would have the idea and Vic would take it to the most ridiculous conclusion. Like,

so for example, the MasterChef thing they used to do where before MasterChef became cool and quite watchable when it was just Lloyd Grossman, but obviously they had the idea for Vic to be Lloyd Grossman. And then before you know it, he's got a massive gigantic forehead. He's fit one finger as a knife, the other finger as a fork,

and it's just gone off the scale. But anyway, the email address is hello at lukeandpete.com. This is traditionally the part of the show where we read through a few of your emails. We've actually got a few good ones this week. Pete, have you got one now, or do you want me to do one first? I have, yeah. Let me just – Go for it.

Let me have a look at this. Either today or Thursday, we've got to do the one we got from the Orthodox Jew. Oh, yes. Why don't we do that then? Let me go to my starred section. Be a category. Hi, fellas. Alex Dorver. I don't think we actually...

He actually sent... Alex sent one back in February, but I don't think we read it out. So apologies, Alex. Following up on your Orthodox Jewish female clergy discussion, I can confirm that there are female rabbis. However, they are almost exclusively from the Reform denomination who tend to be more on the progressive side of the Jewish spectrum. I would advise not going up to the obviously Orthodox Jewish men and women on the tube and broaching the subject with them as they do not recognize this branch of Judaism

and certainly would not know any female rabbis however in my 28 years of practicing orthodox judaism um blisters have not come up much but i get a feeling if i ask my rabbi of any gender of sex or sex about popping them over old ladies it would not be considered heaven-worthy yes you mentioned that you were short of emails on that show so maybe you can read my email out that you missed earlier in the uh call to all the best uh i moved from jerusalem to uh netanya netanya uh since my last email um shall i bash it shall i bash the original email out well there's a yeah we can do but there's a lot to unpack in that first one so um okay the first one comes from the fact that this one we just was the fact that we were talking

about whether there are female clergy in the Orthodox Jewish community. So that's been kind of cleared up. So thank you very much for that, Alex. The second one is about popping the blister over the old lady. It wasn't an old lady, was it? I would say she was in her 60s.

Oh, okay. That makes it worse. I thought it was a young person. No, no, no, no. Goodness, no, no. She was getting on, I think. But yeah, it wasn't ideal. Whatever way you slice it. Whatever way that you slice my... Don't slice it.

Yeah, do his second email. One of these are the first time around. Let's see how bad it was. Alex from Jerusalem, formerly of Manchester, who's now in Netanya, obviously. Hi, fellas. Long time. First time. Manchester, who's now in Netanya, obviously. Hi, fellas. Long time. First time.

Well, second time now. Wanted to add a religiously mandated beer to the beer category discussion. Presumably we were talking about beer back then, in February, before this all went to shit. The Jewish Festival of Passover, which is in around six weeks, celebrates the Israelites leaving Egypt,

and one of the main features is the prohibition of consuming all grain products. It's more nuanced than this, but it can be for a different episode of the particular discussion. This means no food or drink that are grain-based, as well as ensuring there aren't any of these products in our houses. To go the extra mile, we also change over all the kitchen and tableware to special stuff that gets kept in the loft and only gets used on Passover. That's very Christmmasy isn't it that's kind of yeah it's nice that's societal rather than religious i'd say in many ways um the night that passover finishes we change everything uh back to normal and return the

passover stuff to the loft having been prohibited from having a beer for eight days there is nothing better than the first sip of a cold one while lugging all the boxes up that weird ladder to the loft um it's great it's a very niche beer, but I'm enjoying that. It's good, isn't it? Yeah, I'm having it. Extra fact, is there a particular brand that's the one you go for? Is that tied to anything, or are you just, you know, dealer's choice? Extra fact, the Vilna Gan,

one of the biggest rabbis of the 18th century from Lithuania, was said to go straight down to the pub as soon as Passover was over for a swift one. I'm not sure Mrs. Gaeon was too happy with the tradition, but if that's what God wants, who am I to argue? All the best, Alex from Jerusalem, Manchester, etc. Thank you very much, fella. That's good stuff.

In some ways, I'm quite, not envious, but I do admire from a distance, because I'm not a religious person, I do admire from a distance the theatre of it and the community of it. And I can see why people want to be involved. But the thing, the question I've got here... Who's got the best religious hat? Oh, they love the hats.

That's the thing, isn't it? A lot of it comes from people wanting to wear hats. Yeah. I like the yarmulke because it's so... It's understated, isn't it? It's like a little... It's like you're going, guys, I'mated isn't it it's like it's like a little it's like a it's like you're going guys i'm not all about it but look on my head yeah i'm i'm i'm jewish i'm

into this i think i like i like um i like the ones that you see some of the archdeacons wear on some of the big occasions i just i mean who's even thought of a hat like that i mean it's incredible japanese women wear big um kind of queen amidala kind of eggs on the head uh when they get married i think that's uh i think that's religious um and not just something you do but but the question i was going to ask and i don't mean this in an offensive way it's a genuine question depends on how it comes out yeah but why do people think that omnipotent omniscient god i mean he can do anything right you can do anything why do people think that he would care about the detail why why why do you

think he spends his time or her time whatever worrying about what food people are eating on a certain day it's a genuine question i think he's going to be a big picture guy he's got the whole universe to worry about i just don't think he's going to be a big picture guy. He's got the whole universe to worry about. I just don't think he's going to be spending his time getting bogged down on that. So if anything is going to get you a pass

when you go up there, it's probably going to be that. I think it's the brown M&M's, mate. I think it's, you know, look after the detail and the rest will just all fall into place.

I ate a massive bag of peanut butter M&M's last night and there was nothing holy about that, let me tell you. Or is it brown Skittles? I can't remember. What was the one that... Brown M&M's last night and there was nothing holy about that, let me tell you. Or was it brown Skittles? I can't remember. What was the one that...

Brown M&M's. Do you know the story about that? Do you know what the story is behind that? Do you think our listeners will be interested or should I just leave it? I would say it's a well-worn path, but I mean, if you could do it in 10 seconds, do the story of Van Halen and the brown M&M's

in 10 seconds. Starting in five seconds, you'll be a man, my son. Five, four, three, two, go. They put the request for Brown M&Ms to be removed because they wanted to make sure that the tech people were paying attention to the rider and everything would be done properly. Yes! There you go. That was 10 seconds, right? I don't know if it made any sense.

If you need further clarification, just tweet me, guys. Tweet me. On God and all that, I remember, oh God, I can't remember the name of the stand-up,

but he made a point. He said he was walking somewhere and he saw a guy with a yarmulke that was like a slice of watermelon. And he sort of says, look, if God is that kind of laissez-faire about you having a watermelon yarmulke, I think you'd be all right

with not wearing it at all, to be honest. Because like you say, it's a really good point. Todd Barry, Todd Barry was a stand-up. It really made me laugh. I'm just having some fun with it. Well, maybe don't

wear it. I'll admit. He's taking the piss. Should we squeeze one more email in before we go? Because you just

reminded me, just by saying, making me think of the word fruit, I found another email this week that was sent in by Gary that I enjoyed.

So I'm going to read that one. He says, hi guys. Oh, by the way, everyone, I've got a really squeaky chair. I'm sorry about that. So if you hear these weird noises, it's this chair that I enjoyed. So I'm going to read that one. He says, hi guys. Oh, by the way, everyone, I've got a really squeaky chair. I'm sorry about that. So if you hear these weird noises, it's this chair that I've had since I was eight years old that I refuse to throw out. And my wife wants real, but I'm keeping it. So I understand it's not conducive to a record. So apologies if

you can hear it in the background, I'll endeavor not to use it next time. I just completely forgot that I was sat on it. So apologies for that. Anyway, Gary says, hi, guys. Just listening to you talk about what arcade machines you would have in pubs. And Lucas, do you get to choose and do you get to keep the money? So here's a bit of information. Before I get into it, though, I did follow our other listeners' advice and try and play a bit of Black Tiger on the MacBook. Oh, yeah.

Arcade emulator. Fucking appalling. I wish I'd never done it. It's abysmal. I'd fucking ruin my own childhood. I should never have done it. It's not known as a classic. I mean, I've never... Mate, back in the day, it was epic. Yeah, it may have been in Gospod, whether...

Nah, this was in Mallorca, mate. In Parma, in Mallorca. Okay, right. Yeah, I've just never heard of it before before you mentioned it gary goes on to say yeah it's not like a it's not like a you know what was also really good operation wolf we ain't got time for that now anyway gary also says i remember back in the early 90s when we as kids could spend a whole saturday in the pub after our dad's football team had played living on a healthy diet of panda pops and crisps waiting for gladiators to start

and we were told about a special fruit machine in the pub there was a fruit machine of which the brewery had a choice as to what went in and took and you know took a large cut of it basically so they would put the fruit machine in there and they would take a cut and gary estimates it was something like 80 percent goes to the brewery however right somebody knew of another one going cheap and this was the special fruit machine they put that one in there and they turned the original one off and put a sign on it saying out of order then the money that was made on the new special fruit machine went out and was shared between the landlord and

the team of staff which is a great oh no sorry not the team of staff the football team which is a great way to enhance the football team sponsorship deal so I guess they had loads of money for the end of season piss up or whatever he said the plan went really well

until a brewery official came to inspect the pub apologies had to be made for the misunderstanding but it did raise a few quid for everyone

involved and that's from Gary that's a great little scheme I love those things you can't get away with that kind of stuff anymore because everything's fucking

automated and bureaucracy everything will be like yeah you'll have that kind of stuff anymore because everything's fucking automated and bureaucracy. Everything's automated. They'll be like, yeah, you'll have some kind of microchip in the fruit machine that figures it all out and absolutely shops you to the busiest rubbish. I'll tell you what, Pete, you're absolutely right. Back in the day when I used to go to my

local, when I was living back down south, the Seahorse was our local for a while. Good pub. I used to be quite fascinated by the guy who used to turn up fixing the fruit machines it seemed like a great job to me like driving around

fixing different fruit machines and different pubs having a little spin yeah I think it's a bit like that isn't it it's a bit like a real kind of working class

British version of the Wichita line man I am a fruit machine man for the county but Pete would that not be a good job swift pint in the ear or there,

you know, fixing the fruit machine, chatting to the locals. You'd be in a van because you'd have fruit machine bits coming out your behind. True. And you'd be delivering fruit machines.

So it wouldn't just be coming and fixing it. You'll be doing easy fixes. You'd be unclogging dirty, people who put dirty old guineas in there and that. That's all it is. Where's that come from?

A guinea? People would be trying to put... Do you remember guineas? Guineas were in my house quite a lot in the 80s. No, I remember half pennies. I don't remember those. I remember half... Oh, yeah.

What? Hair pennies and half pennies? Yeah. I remember half pennies. Would we have ever used them? I don't think so. But in that big Bell's whiskey bottle that my parents used to keep changing, there was a load of half pennies in there.

Oh, God. The one day we have Natalie, our producer, listening, that is what we're talking about. Half pennies and guineas. But so I would have thought that a fruit machine mechanic in a nice town out of the way, would be a perfect job for you? You're telling me you don't want it? Well, I like the idea of not having to talk to anybody.

Fixing things? Just coming in and sort of, yeah, just having that kind of ego boost of being the man who comes in and sorts it out. You're like the wolf out of Pulp Fiction, but with more dirty guineas. More coins. Yeah, exactly. All right. All right. Let's get out of here. Iiction, but with more Dirty Guineas. More coins. Alright. Let's get out of here.

It's been a long one. It's been a long one, hasn't it? Follow the Joys of Spring, mate. Follow the Joys of Spring. We'll be back on Thursday, Christmas Eve. If you've got time to review us on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts, that would be appreciated because it turns out it helps.

In an inexplicable way it bloody helps doesn't it yeah and i think if you do listen to this show and you don't think it's worth five stars take a moment to stop being so arrogant and think that you might be wrong and then give it five stars anyway because we could be right and you could be wrong it's possible i just think that if you've sat down and listened to this for half an hour, it's like when I buy a video game that's not very good, I have to play it to its end. Yeah, you've come this far. Otherwise I'm just wasting the money.

You've given us half an hour of your time, nearly 40 minutes, this episode. If you don't think it's worth it, then you've let yourself down. It's nobody else. See it through to the end, you coward. Yeah, for once in your life for once in your fucking life you loser loser

L-O-S-E-R loser and if you think this is bad we've done 10 full minutes on dog shit before so strap yourself in anyway

we'll see you on Christmas Eve we're going to pre-record Christmas Eve's episode because by the time it comes out I will be pissed see you next time.

Ta-ta. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.