The Luke and Pete Show - Urinating off a diving board

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

This is a show primarily about urination. But don't let that put you off! We all do it! But do we all do it on consecrated ground, or off of diving boards? Hope not, hope not. Elsewhere on your LAPS ep du jour we talk cherry trees, Pete's dog going on a mad one with some leeks and the sharing of criminal records between nations. There's also the discovery of an adorable new television show involving toddlers doing everyday tasks. Join us!Email us at [e-mail] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy.Fill out our survey here to have a chance at winning a PS5!***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know, we are making history. A new era of football, a new competition with clubs from all over the world. It's fantastic. Bifas controversial Club World Cup is underway and whether you like it or not, the impact it's going to have on the world of football could be huge. But as far as the US is concerned, it's also going to be a major road test for next summer's World Cup. I'm Andy Brassel, co-host of the Football Ramble and On the Continent, and I've headed to Los Angeles for a week to see things for myself. I'm going to watch some of the biggest clubs from Europe and South America in action

and speak to journalists, players and fans, local and international, to temperature check some of the major stories around this divisive tournament. You'll be able to catch all of this across three special episodes over on Stacks on the Continent feed. So search on the Continent on your podcast app of choice, give it a listen and hit subscribe. I thought a monster was gonna come out of your body it's the Luca Pete Show and Lukimua is treating us to a little summer sneeze. It's not hay fever because I don't suffer from hay fever but it was a very very poorly timed sneeze for sure. Is it... I always start the show with some grot but I mean that face would

tender moments elicit that response from your face as well because I never want to see that. Are you bluffing me there? Do you really secretly want to see that and that's what you're saying? Oh I would never want to see that but secretly it's reverse psychology and you actually want to see me making that face. I just think at this time in our lives I think we need to stick our relation to the next level. No I disagree. I think I've got to go the other way to be honest. And by the way I'm recording today with the window open next to me because it is like 30 degrees in London today Yeah, and just literally as we started recording this is someone angle grinding outside the house. Yeah, that's been quiet Can you hear it? Yeah, you really can. You probably need to close that. I'll shut the fucking window there for goodness sake

It was absolutely fine until you know, well you will move next to embassies That's that's that's the way it goes, unfortunately. That's a bit of a taste joke. Well... How's that? How's that? I think as a Newcastle United supporter it allows me to have my cake and eat it, reminding people that they... I don't think it works like that. ...dismembered a journalist in a Bonslang.

So I can celebrate the signing of a very expensive new player, but I could also laugh about the death of a journalist. I wasn't laughing though was I? I was reminded, you're not laughing, you're reminding. So I think that's, who are we laughing at? Are we laughing at somebody getting dismembered? No, we're laughing at a despotic regime doing some dismembering on someone else's property. I see where you're going with it but I still think that you are being a bit cheeky there. But how are you getting on with,

how are you getting on with the, because we're British, right? So we've got listeners all over the world. We should remind people we're British by talking about the weather. How are you getting on with the increased temperature and how is it in Leoncy at the moment? It's good.

I'm sort of doing a lot of, I basically just cover up all of the windows at the front of the house. And I sit there with my laptop and do my work while little one runs around. The little sort of house, little Wendy house I made her has meant that she can sort of spend a bit more time in the Wendy house. So much so that I'm starting to think that that's probably the best place for me because it's cool and it's dark and I want to be in the be in the Wendys. Basically I'm gonna build myself another Wendy house for me. Good idea. That's just a house though right? It's a little shanty town at the end of my garden.

Yeah because a Wendy house for an adult is effectively just a house no? It's a shed yeah it's a little it's allotment I think that's what the um that's what the dream is I was up in um I was up in Hartlepool over the weekend for about under 24 hours and my mum and dad's neighbour, I brought the dog because I couldn't get a dog sitter and I brought little Sammy Amiobi, the 92 year old, aboard a Terrier and he popped round to the neighbours and started pulling up his leeks and... Oh God. That went down well didn't it? Yeah, well he's got allotments but he's also got a garden as well and he's...

Were the leeks ready to be pulled up? Was he doing them a favour? I mean they were pretty piddly leeks. What are we looking at? It's in June. Surely the leeks are done by now aren't they? I think a leek should be the size of half a cricket stump. Yeah, he shouldn't be able to pull it up. So it was just like a little piddly little little leak really. It's not his fault. It's not his fault. He's just trying to go about his life. And once again Hurricane Donaldson has made landfall.

The problem is I think he may have a little bit dementia because he kept calling me the wrong name and thought I live next door to him, which I don't. And I think I've started a cycle of him coming around every couple of hours because he did it twice in one day to tell me off and I'm like this has gone really badly. So no doubt he'll be around again to tell my mum off for a dog that doesn't live at the house. I thought you were going to say that you feel like he might be having dementia because he really reminded you of you. Yeah, yeah, it's good. Speaking of kids running around, I discovered a new TV show this morning on Netflix called

Old Enough! Have you heard of it? Old Enough! Is that the Japanese one where they go do errands? Yeah the kids do errands. Followed by the least secret cameraman you've ever seen in your life. Yeah it's absolutely brilliant TV have you seen it? It's really good yeah it's really solid stuff. So for those who haven't seen it basically they'll get, I mean the one I saw, it was a very short episode, one I saw was about

eight minutes long but they get in this, a two and a half year old, and his mom asks him to go to the local shop buy flowers, sausages, and some curry mix, and give him the money in a little bag, and he wanders off to do it, and it is the cutest thing you've ever seen. And this kid actually did it, right? This kid actually did it pretty well, and he went in there, he got the flowers for his mom,

he got the sausages, got halfway home, realized he forgot the curry mix, went back again, and did the whole thing. It was brilliant. And then I've seen some of the kids, some of the kids who literally, one of them, one of them was told, was asked to go out to the farm because their family's got a Mandarin farm. Right. Was asked to, they were out on the farm in because their family's got a mandarin farm. Right. They were out on the farm in the field, with the old, the old. Oh yeah, I think I've seen that one, yeah.

The Grove, and they said to the kid, go back and make us all some orange juice. Yes. And yeah, fast forward about three hours, and the mom's like, ringing the house, going, what are you doing? And he's just sitting there, under the table, eating a rice bowl.

It's really good telling. I like the fact that the people who were supposed to be following them filming and the production staff and stuff could not, they're always like carrying like because I guess cameras, because this is back in like I think the 90s when it kicked off, it's been going for such a long time. Yeah it's been going since 1991 yeah. And the cameras back then were absolutely mahusive and them trying to disguise the fact that they're carrying cameras and pointing them at one child in the street are absolutely, I don't know why these children

don't go. But the kid doesn't care, does it? No, the kid doesn't care, I suppose. But this kid I saw also got given a little yellow flag to cross the road. Right. I don't know if that's like a Japanese culture thing, but like kids get them, but he would stand by the side of this quite busy road, hold his big yellow flag up and all the traffic would stop and he'd just cross. Adorable.

It's very endearing TV, especially when you've got a toddler yourself. With their little haversacks and their little churro. I mean Japanese kids are about as adorable as a kid can be as well. Exactly. They're adorable little fellas. I was thinking to myself, I mean, my son's two. There's no way he's doing that. I wouldn't even, I don't think, no, I don't think she could,

no, I don't think we've done enough. If I say to my son, go, if I say to my son, go into mommy and daddy's room and get this and bring it to daddy, like, invariably he'd be able to do it. Yeah. But beyond that, I think, I mean, to be fair though, I mean, this kid I saw who was going to the shop, he was two years, nine months.

So I mean, in the grand scheme of things, like in terms of a proportion of life, that is actually quite a lot older than my son. So maybe that's probably why. Yeah, and also like- Some of them are a bit older than that, even some of them are like three or four. And I guess you got to remember that a lot of these kids

won't have ever driven to the places that they're going, so they could probably figure out how to walk there because they've done it so many times. Yeah, it's really local, exactly. Good idea for a TV program, though. I mean, I would have it, but just have a lot of men our age doing it. Just like, oh, I forgot the curry mix.

It would be exactly the same. It was what it would be without the yellow flags. A lot of red flags. Exactly. When I saw my wife watching something on Netflix on the laptop and I said, what are you watching? And she said, old enough. I was like, hmm, OK. Yes, that's... What's that?

It sounds bad. It does sound bad. Sounds like, I said to her, it sounds like a big deal. This is internet history. Hey, don't, I just heard a, you know those Instagram sort of standups who just sort of do put their best stuff on Instagram. There was this one that made me chuckle.

He said, I was at a bar and my favorite porn star was at the end of the bar. And I said, oh my God, I can't believe it. And he said, and I said to a bar and my favourite porn star was at the end of the bar and I said, Oh my God, I can't believe it. And he said, and I said to the barman, I'll have another beer. I see that woman over there. She shouldn't be in here. She's 13. It's good stuff. It's outrageous. It's outrageous. It's absolutely outrageous. It's an outrageous scene.

I fucked that reading as well. Cause I think it was, it have been girl, wouldn't it? I suppose that makes more sense. She's 13. Still, I got it. It made me laugh. It made you laugh and that's the main thing. That is the main thing. I think people need to understand that if they're listening to this show, they are going to be greeted with an angle grinder next to the mic. They are going to be greeted with a joke about paedophilia. You know? Yeah, I think...

That's how it goes sometimes. You've got to remember, we're men of 44 and I think 45 respectively. Fuck off, I'm 44 thank you very much. Fucking hell. I'm 45 in September. Okay well, TikTok goes the clock. I think you've got to remember that we are obsessed with, not paedophiles necessarily, but paedomania. I think that's the... because we grew up in the sphere of the Sun newspaper. Chris Morris and stuff like that. And Chris Morris and the News of the World, like paedomania was kind of the thing. People were terrified of paedophiles for ages.

And it was like, it was the big scandal of our probably late teens, wasn't it? Yeah, it really... because before then, it was very hush-ush hush and our generation was very much the first time that people went actually you know what let's not have any of these nonces doing the nonsense please thank you so very much all of that really. So yeah there we go. Oh by the way just when you thought I couldn't get any more Celtic in my house my really noisy cat's just coming as well. I think he comes in when he hears me doing this. Has he got an angle grinder? He wants to know what's going on. You could do some DIY.

It's frustrating, because I can't put him anywhere else. I can't make him go outside. So he's just gonna have to crack on. It is horrible out there, isn't it? Lordy. It's really warm. I was getting, no, ordinarily, I mean, what he did this morning is he came in,

my wife took my son to nursery, so I was in the house on my own. I got back into bed just to go over the emails and have a cup of tea. And he came in to the bedroom, jumped up on the bed and literally dragged half a flower bed onto the bed. He'd been sleeping in the flower bed under the cherry tree

in the garden where he likes to sleep. And he just had it all stuck to him. And so I spent- At that point, I would be like, nah, nah you're alright, I'm not gonna bother. I'm not gonna deal with that right now. I'm gonna finish what I'm doing then I'll deal with it. Because there's always something to do. No but I'm tasked with not letting him do that.

And I'm on a countdown then, because the wife I have access to comes back from the nursery. And he leaves a muddle over the bed. Why is there mud all over the bed? And you sort of go, I, it was, don't blame the cat. It was, it was me. I was having a dig around in the garden, see if I could find any. I'd put some bones in the garden and I dug them up.

Luke and Pete Shaw trot from back in the day. Yeah, I was, we did a big thing, didn't we, on what people found in their garden? It was quite good. Someone found a car. A car in their garden? Didn't they? Someone found a rusty old car buried at the bottom of their garden. But why would you bury it? Why would you? I think it had just been consumed by nature.

Overgrown, yeah. I'm most fascinated by those sort of barn finds where people will find these cars that basically have an entire sort of ecosystem growing around them, you know, rats and birds and soil and plants growing out of them and yeah, put a bit of oil in them, just fire it up, replace the spark plugs and nine times out of ten, that car's purring. The miracle of combustion. I guess it is a closed loop, the whole system. So, I mean, I guess the elements don't get to the thing that's closed.

Speaking of, by the way, speaking of the cherry tree, lovely cherry yield this year. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Sweet cherries. Probably got about 50. Right. Yeah. I reckon we're going to get about 30 apples this year as well. Are you going to make a delicious, I mean don't you share your garden? Is there some kind of negotiation? Private garden, thank you very much. Stop besmirching my good name!

I've got my own garden and I'm 44! Leave me alone! But listen... Let me do your extension. Let me... No, the re repointing you are doing. You are the repointing. Let me repoint. Let me repoint. There's so many people in my life who need repointing. I should let listeners in on this, right? So I live in the upper floor of a purpose-built maisonette, right? It's just two floors. It looks like a house, but it's got two front doors, right? And the downstairs landlord decided he wanted to repoint the front of the house, which is obviously great for me

I haven't got to do anything towards it. Just had to have the scaffolding put up and um and When I told peter that this was happening and we're in the middle of it happening, which it is at the moment Although the guy hasn't turned up to that. I think he's genuinely not turned up because it's too hot Which I think is a poor level of commitment to be honest. I mean you're gonna be a repointer. Yeah, you can work outside You're gonna work outside. And surely I Surely that just helps your cause doesn't it? If the sun is going to bake that in nice and quick. Exactly. We were on a work call, five of us I think, the other day and I mentioned that I was doing the call from somewhere else because the house was noisy at the moment.

You were doing it from a pub. Do not lay an excuse. I was a lush. I was forging Antonics Deep. Monday afternoon. It was a Monday as well. Let me tell the story though because when I mentioned to someone else who asked me why I was in the pub instead of at home, why I was doing it and the house was being repointed, I have never seen Pete Donaldson's face look more crestfallen in my life. He just went, you said I could do that. You said I could repoint. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I said, absolutely not. I'm not interested in seeing your quote. I bought trowels and a new bucket. I love you, Noah.

I got a guy say, no, I understand that structurally there's nothing wrong with a house, right? But it is still a little bit disconcerting seeing what happens. And the guy knocked on my door yesterday and said, by the way, this house is pretty old. The next stage before I remorter it is I'm going to have to replace 60 bricks. And that's disconcerting to hear that, right? Even though it's going to be absolutely fine. I think the only thing that could have made it worse would have been you delivering me that news. Right. Okay. Yeah. I've made 60 glory holes in your house. You'll never know where I'm going to pop out. Watching the rerun of The Sopranos and a semi-erect

penis slides through the brickwork. Flops through. Yeah, hello. How you doing? Is he thumbed that in? Is he thumbed that through there? All calloused and grazed from the... Aww, just covered in brick dust. Aww. Has he got... Has his penis got silicosis? That would be unwelcome. For everyone. Awful stuff. Cement's quite...

There was no some men who, for a giggle, a sexy giggle, they wanted to make a cast of the other one... One of them decided to make a cast of the other ones in us and they poured cement into his bum. He'd probably die, did he? It's very alkali cement. I don't think you want to be doing that. It was either concrete or cement and I forget what... Either way! Yeah, mortar, concrete, cement I have used all three incorrectly each time and I just feel like, I just feel like no, but yeah don't put it in your ears because it can burn you because it's very

very alkaline. It used to be that the Darwin Awards book came out every year for stuff like this but now the internet just means you hear about it all the time. Just take Florida news. Yeah Florida man like we said before. Yeah crazy. I am, yeah speaking by the way just quickly on my cherry tree thing. So the way, just quickly on my cherry tree thing. So I don't know why, but my cherry tree, see, they've planted it from when we landscaped the garden like 10 years ago. And it's come on amazingly, but sometimes it gets

a bit of black fly, so it doesn't always get fruit. But for some reason it seems to do one year on, one year off in terms of fruiting. And then we do get really sweet cherries, which is great. It's actually a really nice thing. Sweet cherries. Hmm. Well good, I'm glad. And on the drinking, I mean on the Monday when we had that call, I wasn't actually drinking in the pub.

I had a diet of Pepsi for the record. But have you seen that series of videos, I think he's a Welsh comedian. He's not really funny, but he's got a podcast, I think, as well. But he does this series of videos which goes viral, which is what I drink on holiday and what I drink on bank holiday and all that kind of stuff.

Have you seen that guy? What he drinks on a normal night out is astonishing. And what he drinks on holiday is the greatest drinking performance like Oliver Reed level drinking, Andre the Giant drinking. I agree. It is astonishing. He goes on holiday, I think it was last week, and he on the way on the taxi or the drive to Cardiff Airport, whatever the hell it was, he'd had like two cans of Stella and it was like six in the morning, then two more pints at the airport, then he's

like downed about, and he's got three miniatures on the go, on the plane, lovely, he says at the end of everything. I've just forwarded you a couple of stills of his mate from the most recent video he sent into the YouTube show What's That Group. I mean, because first of all, because he became, I think I first became aware of him because he's got a podcast and he did a rant that was shared into my timeline. It's called Sandro Ford, his name is. And I should name check him if we're going to use his content. And his rant was, he started it by saying, looking really pissed off, like really red in the face. And his rant was, unless you are recovering alcoholic or you're traveling

with children, it should be absolutely compulsory to drink as much alcohol as possible in an airport. Right? And he said, I don't care what time it is, time doesn't exist in an airport. And I was saying something like, I can't remember the exact detail, but along the lines of I've refused to go on holiday before with friends because they've ordered a coffee at 6am in the airport. And it's not what you should be doing. He's an absolutely insatiable pisshead. When I watched his videos, it started off making me feel a little bit ill, because he couldn't even go from the airport when they landed to the hotel without having a beer in the car with him.

And then by the end of it, I just came through the other side and I was just like super impressed. Because it's like that level of drink, like you've got to build up to that. If either of me or you tried that, we'd be, you know, we wouldn't get on the flight. No way. But, but I mean, it's just, like, Dear Three and Alicante. Yeah, just an incredible performance. And he does, he did tell a story about a dad and a son, which I'm not going to go into now, but.

Oh, is that the same guy, is it? It's the same guy. He was the drinking guy I forwarded like a year ago. Oh, right, that makes right, that makes sense. He's basically not the bootlegger but a bit younger and a lot more full on. Because the bootlegger comes across as a really nice fella. Yeah, it's good stuff. He looks like the spirit of disco, but as long as it's disco crisps.

Lovely perm, I wonder if he... I think he might pay a lot of attention to that. I think he might get that done properly. I think some people's hair are very low. Because like my daughter has very curly hair and it is, she's starting to get like dreadlocks at the back and I don't really know, I'm just trying to condition them all the time. I'm trying to condition them. You can't over bath because the hair will just fuck up. So you got to be quite careful and quite tactical.

And just a lot of like baby conditioner I'm putting in and stuff like that. I think he has that permed I think. I think it's a professional job. It looks like it is to me. It looks too good. He'd be very fortunate just to have that naturally like that. He has to have it done. Oh dear. Honestly. Well. Anyway, let's have a break. When we come back, we've got a few emails to get through. I've

got loads of other stuff to talk about that I haven't got to, which is pretty typical for me. Anyway, yeah, we'll have a break and we'll come back and do some emails as well. Okey dokey. Welcome back to the Luke and Pete show. Pete Donaldson with you, joined by Mr. Lukey Moore on a very hot day, where people are angle grinding in the streets and pointing above us in the streets. There's no street access to the back of my house, I think it's just someone else's garden. Everyone's having an extension done basically. Everyone's having shit done. Yeah, because no one can afford to move house obviously, so everyone's just doing the old extensions instead.

I bought an angle grinder and oh, the sparks that come off it. I angle grinded some nails down to expose nails and one of the nails fell on the floor and I put my knee on it. So I visited a molten, hot, spiky nail embedded in my knee. So now I can't really kneel down to... Have you extracted it? I've extracted it now, yes. You performed surgery to extract it.

I already banged my knee the other day, getting my son out of the bath. My knee slipped off the mat and smacked onto the tile floor. It was so painful. Oh. Yeah. That's the problem when you get older.

These injuries hurt more. Like my son falls over and he's bouncing. I remember sort of like, but do you remember like when, like, you know, 15 years ago, you hit yourself and you go, you go, oh Not the end of it for me It's like you get two seconds before it really kicks in pain my eyes and then the next day and then the next day after

That is it a problem with bone density that we all feel quite heavy and brittle now I could do with having like some of that is honey honeycomb, you know like the elephant man had honeycomb bones? Is that stronger or weaker than- Is that true? Well he had honeycomb, wasn't that his thing? He had bones that were made of honeycomb. I'll get on the Google, you carry on. Get on the Google.

He had issues with what was in his bones. So like, could we not do with a little bit of that? Could we do some sort of body modification, DNA modification for us to get the honeycomb bone? I don't think it was a good thing was it? You're saying that you'd like to modify your health on the Elephant Man? I'm saying a little bit, a little bit of it. He's obviously taken it to the next level. I've googled it and the Elephant Man's Bones is the first full length collaborative studio album by American rappers Rock Marciano and The Alchemist. Right, I imagine his bones were probably quite valuable back in the day. He'd probably be one of those people who were

People who sort of go around stealing bones. He's probably Back in the 90s that me old Mickey Jackson. What the elephant man's bones on there, right? Okay I think he has a deny on Oprah or something Yeah, I don't think that it's going to make things better that we have bones that are more honeycomb in. Mind you, I guess a honeycomb is nature's really strong construct, is it? Because that's what bees do, don't they? Yeah, well I guess the hexagonal, is it hexagonal?

The shape, that's presumably structurally perfect for that kind of vibe. I love it when you go to a hotel and the breakfast buffet's got the honeycomb in the thing. What kind of hotel have you been going to, you fancy pants? Mr. Fancy. I guess nice ones. Mr. Fancy pants. Not on tour, you it wasn't the nice ones. Fucking hell.

What do you mean? I was on a health kick when we were on tour. I was having yoghurt and fucking muesli. Everyone else was eating bloody butt button and Glasgow and stuff. My memory of you in the green room at all of our shows was drinking a load of beers and eating loads of extra hot Nando's. Lovely.

Lovely. So maybe we've got different understandings of what that entails. But if you are on tour with the football ramble, it is a legal requirement to drink as much alcohol as possible. Yeah, exactly. If anyone wants a coffee, coffee they're out but producer Charlie was like oh yeah hotels really nice promoters dine so solid like it was like I'm not

complaining because obviously I'm happy to do it and I'm not trying to be like all divish about it but it wasn't that nice right the hotels were like they were like like whatever it is the equivalent of like a traveling or whatever have you forgot that robot bloody butlers for fun about it. One had a robot butler but I think that was a gimmick. They all had them. I never saw one. Did you see one?

I didn't see him. Yeah, it could be. Exactly. If anyone's ever seen one, it was you. You see them in your dreams. I'm trying to find the cupboard where they're kept. I'm going to get like marched out of there like that lad in North Korea. But going back to the bone density thing of how you get older, presumably that's when

you're very elderly and you fall over, you just break stuff, right? I get that. But if you think about the scale, the spectrum, we're kind of in the middle of our lives now, right? You remember when you were 18 playing football or whatever, I certainly remember. I can directly remember more than one occasion

where I am running full pelt, someone else is running full pelt towards me. It's a massive 50-50 challenge and you feel like you're flying, go flying, and you just get up and carry on. That's never happening now. That's me out for a week if that happens now. Yeah and people don't generally do that in certainly veterans football. I think I've got my first over 50s match. Yeah, we need to talk about this. What do you mean?

Well first of all you're 44, so unless it's some kind of UEFA rule where you can have a certain amount of players underage. You're allowed a few 45-year-olds on the pitch. But you're not 45 either. Well, I may have unregistered and then re-registered myself because I was down in the wrong name anyway. They'd spelt it wrong. I didn't have a D in me.

It said Don Olson. Who's Peter Don Olson who played for whatever team last year, last season? I told you that, speaking of that, this is remarkably specific. Don't tell anyone in the Veterans League, please. Remarkably specific. I might have, well if you score a hat-trick every game, as you bloody should given how old you are, I'll let go. But speaking of that D in the name thing, I might have told you this before, but if I have it's not been for a very long time. When I was at uni, I went to visit another friend at uni. And obviously as a result, you meet their new friends, right? Their university.

And you are a bit like, fuck you. Who's these fucking trances? Yeah, these new pretenders, right? To be fair, this guy I'm about to talk about was a bit of a bellend. But anyway, a few of us went to go and visit another mate of ours and he had become friendly with this Irish guy called Donal. Right? Donal, right? Donal, yep. And my other mate, had never heard the name before,

couldn't get his head around it and kept forgetting his name, right? And he was getting to the point where it's quite rude. And so one of my mates snapped back at him and said, look, his name's Donal. And stopped forgetting it. And the guy was like, oh, but I can't fucking remember it. It doesn't sound like a name to me I can never work out what the

name actually is and the guy went well just it's like fucking Donald but without a D in it and he went what? Arnold? Good stuff, good stuff. True story. Right should we bash out some emails we got before we ship off? Yeah do this one from Gareth because we're on the top of the round though, it's from Gareth. Cool. Your recent chat says Gareth about people urinating in swimming pools reminded me of comments I think by Florentino Perez of Barcelona's bending of the Spanish Efe's financial rules.

He says it's one thing to piss in someone's swimming pool but they're doing it off the diving board. It's lovely. It is kind of like a lovely little kind of, you know, what do you call it? Like a simile or a metaphor or something. But because that's kind of how people are doing it nowadays. You know like how like Donald Trump's just lining his pockets with you know Bitcoin and mobile phones? Oh yeah. I was reading the other day he's made 4 billion so far 4 billion yeah brilliant and new mobile phone you know great grey market networks and stuff um like I assume that they're going to do that anyway because that's just the game they're in

just fucking I don't even see it do you you know what I mean? It's just the arrogance of it all. I mean it's literally against the law though. It is literally against the law. But you know, I'll let you say it's plus three. Well on one level it's an interesting experiment, an interesting thought experiment that objectively I am curious to find out the result of just because it would be fascinating, which is like how much could you really make as president of the United States if you just maxed it? What's the potential? Is it the Olympics where they take all the drugs? Yeah it's good to know a ceiling right looks like it's gonna be about by the end of this

gonna be about ten or fifteen billion dollars but on the on the email from Gareth at the peanut farm yeah quite exactly exactly poor old Jimmy Carter died at the age of 99, didn't he? Were you very close to 100? No, I think he was 100, wasn't he? Did he make 100? I thought he made 100, yeah. He did, he made 100 by two months.

He found out he went into anaphylactic shock because he was allergic to peanuts. He finally had a... He said, look, I've been selling them all my life my life, but they've just been half the press like hotcakes I'm never eating love. I'm celebrating with a peanut. I'm celebrating with a peanut. Oh, I'm up today, please know poor old We weren't talking about swimming pool urination we were talking about swimming pool defecation exactly Which is a whole know you're pooping in there. Yeah, it doesn't really work really We all know you're pooping in my... Yeah, it doesn't really work really. We all know you're pooping in my pool, just don't do it off the diving board.

Imagine the trajectory. The thing is, weirdly enough, if someone was going to shit in the swimming pool I was in, at least if I do it off a diving board, I've got enough time to get away. Yeah, it would float to the bottom, and then by the time it's floated back to the surface of the water you could kind of like you could jump out. I wanna sink to the bottom with you. It's actually pre-animal. I wanna sink to the bottom with you. It is Your Friend and Mine, Founders of Wayne. Sounds like a great band. What a band. Lead singer and songwriter died of Covid. Oh he ate a peanut. Simon Oak got into it. Buenos dias, look at Pete. Just catching up

my backlog of pods whilst on a lounger in Spain and you've mentioned the disparity in areas of the UK for those caught urinating in public. Reminding me of a story about a man who was caught having a slash in a churchyard as a teenager while waiting for the last bus home after a night on the lash. South Yorkshire police decided to fine him not just for public urination but for exposing himself on consecrated grounds. Now that's a step up isn't it? Should that be a law? Err, yeah, I mean, so we all found it very funny and moved on with life. Fast forward about 20 years, said friend had met a young American lady whom he married and moved to the States with.

He worked as a computer program and got a temporary visa while his permanent visa was being processed. Being married to an American and filling a skill shortage role, this was merely a formality until he got called in by his boss. Immigration had contacted him to say that one of his employees had a criminal record for exposing himself on consecrated grounds. Not only was this a surprise to my mate's boss but also his wife. Thankfully the British authorities came to his aid and his visa was granted. Trump would no doubt have had him on the first flight

home and but it was a troublesome few weeks for our friends especially as he was a member of his local church and a committed Christian. That is a terrible bit of policing for me, terrible policing back in the 90s. Yeah, I'm not saying Simon Oak is dishonest and maybe I am very surprised to hear that the UK and the US share criminal records at that granular level. I understand that there's a threshold, but this to me seems very, very forensic for something that happened 20 years previous and what is effectively what the US would call a misdemeanor, right? South Yorkshire police are cunts though, so you never know. Why is that? Have you got a personal... No, South Yorkshire Police are the ones who, yeah, they've been absolutely dogged by controversy

around things like the Miner Strike, Hillsborough. It's been a really, really problematic police service for a very, very long time. I'm not sure what the current status of it is, but when you think about the botched Hillsborough inquiry, like I say, the miners strike and all that famous stuff or infamous stuff, you should say, around things like Orgreave, like the Battle of Orgreave, that was South Yorkshire Police. The Ripper? So yeah, don't know about that. Not sure. Not sure. But trust me, they've got a rap sheet, ironically, for a police service. But good email anyway. I don't think there should be special laws around

quote, consecrated ground. I mean, what does that fucking mean? Well, do you get the sense that... Is it worse doing it in a churchyard than doing it in a supermote car park? Yeah, you'd think that would be covered by a hate crime, wouldn't you, really? You know what I mean? Is it though? Oh, come on. Come on. Yeah, but if you're pissing on a mosque, like these days that's a political act isn't it really? Didn't you once do that?

What? Piss on a mosque? Someone once did that didn't they? By accident. Someone that we know. Hmm. It sounds like me. In New York. Yeah. No. No. I think someone was on their way back from a bar in New York, someone we know, I forget who it was now, was, and they got caught short, took a quick slash, a quick slash enio, and got their collar felled by the NYPD. Oh, I didn't do that, I didn't get caught, oh right, yes we know who, no, do we know

that person? Do I know that person? Oh, is it a famous person? I don't fucking know. I don't know. Anyway, they didn't know it was a mosque because it was dark. Right.

And then they saw it was a mosque and then there was a chance that it would have been a more serious crime, but I don't think that actually happened. I just don't think you should have, I don't believe in blasphemy laws and stuff like that. I think it's bullshit. No.

Anyway, on that delicate note, after pissing off every religious person that ever listens to this show, let's- Hey, Luke, you wouldn't say that about Mohammed, would you? What? Yeah, have a go at them, yeah? What, we literally were talking about mosques? You would... I know.

It's what idiots say though, innit? It's what idiots say. I can't... You wouldn't have a go at them though, would you? I couldn't tell the difference between you doing your idiot impression and you just being you. Ha ha ha ha! Right, let's go over you absolute rot pot. I've got an absolute blunderbuss loaded for the start of the next show, so look out for that people. We'll be back on Thursday for batteries and stuff. Hello at loompeachshow.com. Here's the way you can get in touch if you've got a battery for us. Chuck it over. Ta ta! Ta-ta!

The Luke and Pete show is a stack production and part of the A-Cast Creator Network. You know, we are making history. A new era of football, a new competition with clubs from all over the world. It's fantastic. Bifas controversial Club World Cup is underway and whether you like it or not, the impact it's going to have on the world of football could be huge. But as far as the US is concerned, it's also going to be a major road test for next summer's World Cup. I'm Andy Brassill, co-host of the Football Ramble and On the Continent, and I've headed to Los Angeles for a week to see things for myself.

I'm going to watch some of the biggest clubs from Europe and South America in action, and speak to journalists, players and fans, local and international, to temperature check some of the major stories around this divisive tournament. You'll be able to catch all of this across three special episodes over on Stacks on the Continent feed. So search on the Continent on your podcast app of choice, give it a listen and hit subscribe.