The Luke and Pete Show - Whale explosions

Episode Date: April 9, 2020

Welcome back to The Luke and Pete Show where two grown men who used to sit inside talking to each other about the mundanities of life have been forced, due to the lockdown, to sit inside and talk to each other about the mundanities of life.This time around, we hear of a listener who thought he was going to die, another listener who genuinely thought he had died, and then a handful of whales that were, in fact, unequivocally dead. There's also fake news, 5G, and the world's slowest work canteen.Don't miss it, and make sure you contribute yourself, by emailing us here: [e-mail]***Please rate and review us on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts. It means a lot and makes it easy for other people to find us. Thank you!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

all right we are back with the luke and pete show it is a thursday i do hope you're keeping well i do hope you're keeping safe i do hope you're not being silly and taking your top off and running around a park or lying down and sunning yourselves. It may not even be sunny. We're recording this on Monday. Don't worry about it. Forget about it. That's how it works. We're busy people. I'm Pete Donaldson.

I'm joined by Luke Moore. How are you faring, Luke? I'm doing all right. It was actually drizzling a bit this morning. The first bit of rain for a little while, which may help with us all isolating and lockdown because you don't want to be outside when it's raining. So you might be much more enthusiastic about staying indoors.

Yeah, well, you do because you like to test your different outdoor weather clothes. Yes. Which you have quite a lot of. It's surprisingly expensive gear. Are you referring to the outer shell? The outer shell you're always talking about. It's a great piece of kit, that. This is a great piece of kit. Ask anyone in the office. They know all about the outer shell you're always talking about. It's a great piece of kit, that. This is a great piece of kit.

Ask anyone in the office. They know all about the outer shell. Yeah, because that's all you talk about. It's just a big coat that's got like an outer shell, like an M&M that's waterproof. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's about it, really.

Are you reminiscing about the time when you could actually go to the office and hear me bore on about a piece of rain gear? A little little bit there are a few things in the office i kind of need what is the policy are we allowed to i need stuff i've got stuff in in the office that i need can i go i've left like a specific stick that you pull, that you pull negative, you pull the negatives out of a camera roll. I've left a stick that is specifically designed for that thing, a negative retriever, I guess. Right. And I need it.

How have you got things that I didn't even know existed in the office? Yeah, I'm kind of using it as like a silo for my extra project. If it's vital, if it's considered vital and you're going there on your own and you're not seeing anyone else, I mean, I don't see why. I mean, that's if the office is even open, I don't know. Get one of those little bikes, cycle up there. But it's weird, like our office that we usually record, Luke and Pete join, like we'd sort of complain about how long it took to get a coffee from the team, from the cafe,

and how long the breakfast would take to arrive. It would literally take 20 minutes to get anything out of them. And there'd always be a queue, and they'd always be quite slow with everything they were doing. They didn't seem to want to make any money out of stuff. I kind of reminisce about those days with great fondness now. I want to stand there and look at handsome Alex

while he makes your very milky tea. I want to do that. He's a lovely fellow as well and he's lovely to look at, isn't he? Lovely to look at. He looks like the league singer of Queen, Adam Lambert, a bit.

He does a little bit, like a Brazilian version of him. I mean, I know what you mean. I was saying on the ramble earlier this week, I'll give my right arm for a bit of the parklies as well i'll slag it off i slag it off on a sunday afternoon when it's burn levy whatever but i tell you what bit of the barclays are doing me right now i'll be all over it mate um but that's listen you can't you can't have everything you want we just got to ride it out everyone's got um making sacrifices

that's just how it is do you know what would be quite restorative though if they just put on have every in the Premier League has every team played everybody equally

or is there two or three outstanding games no there's a couple of teams who have got a game in hand right so they've got a game in hand so like if it was like

Burnley Brighton or something or well Bournemouth Brighton I think that's already been played but either way like some Right. So they've got a game in hand. So if it was like Burnley-Brighton or something, or Bournemouth-Brighton, I think that's already been played. But either way, some match that you'd probably in any other world say it was underwhelming. Imagine if they just put that one off on and the viewing figures would be obscene. It would be the most watched bit of football, Brighton Bowl, Brighton Southampton

in history. And it will be really funny. You must miss playing football, PT. I know. I do like a good kick around. I mean, to be honest, the way I marshal a defence, I'm pretty isolated the way that I play football anyway. So I could probably get away with it anyway. Why don't you do your little toilet roll challenge? Marcus did it. You haven't done yours yet. Well, the problem is I'm kind of running out of toilet roll. I've got a box of...

You stole a load. I know I stole a load, but to get them into my case, I had to remove the cardboard inner tube, and so it's lost a bit of integrity. So any kind of noise I'd have to do, I'm kicking an oblong around. It doesn't work. It might be easier because it's softer. But anyway integrity. So any kind of noise I'd have to do, I'm kicking an oblong around. It doesn't work. It might be easier because it's softer.

But anyway, I was just going to say, when you said hankies there, do you mean tissues, like paper tissues? You don't mean actual cloth hankies? No, I'm not going to be biting my bum bum on that. No. How are your bowel movements at the moment? Fine.

I'm eating a lot of rice cakes, so that's probably slower than usual. Is that good or bad? That's bad, isn't it? I don't know. I'm eating a lot of rice cakes, so that's probably slower than usual. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I'm eating a lot of avocado. I'm mainly eating avocado, tomatoes and rice cakes. I think I'm eating as healthy as I ever have

because the amount of delivery options have gone massively down. Yeah. I had a problem with that. There's a Chinese takeaway in Chinatown that's still doing takeout, which, I mean, they are looking on the bright side of life. I think I'm going to have to be quite brave. Mate, you know, speaking of the lockdown, I happened upon a BBC article. I think it was yesterday.

And it was fake and misleading stories that went viral this week now i imagine this is a column they run on the bbc website as part of their reality check uh section of their site every week and i just don't read it or it's not that important to me or whatever but i read it because i thought i would be interesting for potentially for this show and because the situation that everyone is in is so severe at the moment and actually very, very important that people get the information they need, I read it. And even though a lot of the stories are quite innocuous,

I was just shocked by it, absolutely shocked by how prevalent. I know it's like, oh, welcome to the party, Luke. I mean, everyone knows this. I know, but I think it throws it into further focus when it's like oh welcome to the party luke i mean everyone knows this i know but but i think it throws it into further focus when it's so important that people get the information they need in this kind of situation we're living in but half the stories that are on this page i'm going to read them to you now they didn't they didn't it didn't happen so like do you remember that thing that went out a week or two ago about the whole of brooklyn rapping along to biggie smalls no so there's this big story that went viral uh if you watch anything today watching a week or two ago about the whole of Brooklyn rapping along to Biggie Smalls. No.

So there was this big story that went viral. If you watch anything today, watch an entire neighbourhood on lockdown in Brooklyn rapping Juicy by the Notorious B.I.G., right? And you play it and you turn the sound on, there's a big crowd singing along to this tune, right? Didn't happen. Didn't happen. Oh, right. Okay.

They've taken the audio from a Jay-Z concert in 2010 and just shown a guy scanning a video a video around the neighborhood of tower blocks didn't happen right i like that a lot next um a video claiming to show people in china tearing down a 5g mobile antenna and was shared on social shows social media has had millions of views including shared by actor wo Harrelson, right? The video is genuine, but it's not. It's Hong Kong. The video is genuine.

It's an antenna being brought down, but it's from the Hong Kong riots, yeah. Next one. Doctors talking about people recovering from coronavirus by inhaling steam, right? That's not true. That's been shared around the internet, so that's really unhelpful. Images of apparently patients of coronavirus

sat outside hospitals in Italy because they've run out of space, and people are sharing those around saying, look, think about your actions because this is what's happening. They're all victims of an earthquake in Croatia a few years before. It's absolutely never-ending. It's not difficult to beguile people with with footage because they they just forward it on it's just a forwarding machine if you ever sort of like like my like not necessarily my dad but like my dad forwards a lot of crap along like just dad what's up we've spoken about it before. They will bring down the entire world, as we know it,

because dads are mad. And I'm in a couple of other groups as well from people who perhaps aren't, I'm going to say perhaps aren't as educated as some other groups that I'm in. Is that the Ramble group you're talking about? They're definitely, that's definitely the... Am I in, i share several whatsapp groups with you am i in a part of one of those groups that you've just described as not as clever as others no no and these are intelligent people they don't have a formal education but they're

intelligent people who have really good jobs who work with people who are responsible and they are still sure that they as soon as another conspiracy theory uh appears they just they just seem to just accept it wholeheartedly because it comes in the form of a facebook post or a whatsapp group and the companies like facebook lesser so that the whatsapp group but facebook in particular you know they obviously they've got their own problems with policing disinformation and misinformation. They have a responsibility to realize that they are the biggest media company going because they are constantly spreading stories, constantly. And there is so much shit being shared.

Go to your hometown local Facebook group. There's so much shit on there. And none of it's getting removed. It's all just bullshit. much shit on there and none of it's getting removed it's all just bullshit my local um where i'm from facebook group 95 of the stories are oh could anyone hear that police siren wonder where that's going oh there's a helicopter overhead that's it is i like it yeah i like it yeah i like that side of things but the the 5G thing is crazy. If you go to Full Fact, which is, of course,

it's the UK's independent fact checker. I think it's a charity, actually. I think you can donate to it. It just debunks as much stuff as it can. And it's got a whole section on it now. So it used to just be latest economy, Europe, and politics or whatever, I think, as it's sectioned. It's now got a full section uh on coronavirus and it's got the pithiest kind of stuff you can almost just feel the uh the

annoyance coming through where on the coronavirus updated coronavirus page it says claim 5g wi-fi networks could be responsible for the rapid spread of the new coronavirus conclusion this is not true there is no evidence that 5g wi-fi networks are linked to a coronavirus like that's as much as you need to know kind of thing yeah people are properly getting the tinfoil hat on about it and i understand on one level i do understand why um people want to do that kind of thing i have a bit of sympathy for the idea that some people are scared they feel they don't have any control over a situation in some cases they sadly would have seen their

family members ill or even worse dying from this and they need to have some kind of rationale someone to blame something to grab hold of i get that but the unfortunate thing is i see it happen in a very very benign way on the sports radio show I do. Now, it's just sport radio, right? That's all it is. It's not the end of the world if mistakes get made and things go wrong. But there are people who work on shows there at that station and probably at stations all over the country and all over the world where it is now a very time-consuming exercise to work out simply what is true and what isn't. And it's really, really difficult.

And if it's something to do with sport, it's not the end of the world because people don't generally make up hugely numerous stories that are important. But if you're doing that in mainstream news, my goodness me, very, very difficult. And you see very experienced very talented journalists called out on it when they make mistakes over and over again but it's a difficult place to to work in these days because as you've said places like facebook which is you

know if not the biggest media in company in the world certainly one of them just chucking out unregulated unprovable just complete nonsense. It's very, very difficult. And when people are dying and people are scared, it just makes it even worse. But then you're in a situation where those same people who ardently believe the conspiracy theories won't believe a story about, I don't know, the Conservative Party being nefarious in any way. You know, it's like it's just all just a bit mad. Well, people pick and choose what they like. They pick and choose what they want to believe.

And the sexier thing is always the conspiracy theory. It's always the most interesting aspect of it. But it just gets really dangerous after a point, doesn't it? Yeah. And luckily, we're a bastion of truth, aren't we? We're a life boy of truth in this stormy sea of chaos. Yeah. Speaking of chaos. Yeah. Speaking of which.

You know, clap for the NHS. Maybe you should vote for the NHS. Yeah? Yeah. Keep it real, kids. High fives.

Can we do a high five? I'll clap at the same time as you. You ready? One, two, three. You're way too late. Oh! No, no.

Same time, but obviously latency has... Oh, okay. I think we should have the same latency. I don't know.

Okay, all right, well listen, before we go to a break, I want to do some, I want to do a couple of tweets, and then after we've

done the tweets, we'll go for a break and then we'll have some emails. There's some interesting stuff being sent to us on at Luke and Pete

Show, which is our Twitter. Crisp Andy's been in touch saying he still hasn't had a crisp. Not even in lockdown. He's still not had a crisp. Wow. Lovely old job. It's good to know.

Another Andy here, Andy Saunders, Luke v. Pete episode. Who has traveled to the most countries? He's listed a load of questions, really, and we'll answer them between us. Who has travelled to the most countries he's listed a load of questions ready and we'll answer them between us who has travelled to the most countries well out of us two yeah I'd probably say me

is that fair I think it might be you the only thing that gives me a little bit of doubt is that you go to the same places quite a lot yeah and what about who has been to the most u.s states um i i would chance my arm on that one so i've been to i've been to florida georgia alabama tennessee south carolina new york new jersey connecticut vermont

um california you clearly had these written down no No, I'm just going through them. I've done 10. I think I've done 10 or 11. All right, okay. I'm looking at this. Did I say Massachusetts? I've done Massachusetts as well. All right, I've done Massachusetts, New York, Connecticut,

Philadelphia I would have done, Pennsylvania. Yeah, Philadelphia is not a state, mate. Sorry? So Philadelphia, yeah. Well, it's kind of hard because it's hard to say on the map. Ohio, West Virginia, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama. I ticked off a load on two road trips.

That's the thing. We went north and south. Down Texas as well. Down Texas, Louisiana, Oklahomaoma kansas because then there was another road trip that ended up in texas uh yeah you mean you win this hands down mate yeah it's because i did two road trips and then the san fran to las vegas trip through nevada um all right you win that one next up who would win in a fight luke would hit me in a fight she's just gonna win i'd use my weight um who would win in a fight? Luke would win in a fight. It's just bigger and he's just going to win. I'd use my weight.

Who would be better at army boot camp? Again, Luke's respiratory, Luke's anaerobic respiration is way better than mine. I think you mean cardiovascular. What's anaerobic then? I think anaerobic means without oxygen, so that's kind of... Oh, yeah.

It's probably fairly bad taste at this point in time. Who got better grades at school? I don't know. How many air levels did you get? I've got... Did you tank in your air levels? Yeah, I did. I've got...

You naughty boy. I think I've got nine GCSEs and two A-levels and an HND. HND, baby. What does that stand for? Higher National Diploma. Hello. Hello. Hello, new development.

Hello, negligible development in your life. I mean, this is all very tedious, but I've got four A-levels and I think 10 10 gcc's 11 maybe all right who could put up a shed the quickest i think it's probably you actually you're much more technically i'm quite handy i think yeah yeah and then um martin's tweeted us saying um do you guys think you could knock a house down with just a claw hammer so if that's so if that's a claw hammer each, I think the answer is still no. No, yeah, exactly. And I think I would be more, you'd probably start on the non-supporting walls

and then figure out how it's all kind of put together. And then, but I just start pawing away at the supporting walls to try and get it down quicker. And kill me, probably. And the wall would fall on me. Well, it would kill me first, I think, yeah. So I'd get nothing first I think, yeah. I think if you gave us both a sledgehammer record we could do it.

A claw hammer, you ain't taking down any kind of wall anyway. You're going to break your wrist before you do that. I think the way most modern tools are made, and I'm very much speaking about the plane I bought in a local shop for like £35-£40 recently, they're not made to last.

So yeah, it probably would fall off and smash me in the face. That's a no as well then. All right, let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll do some of your emails. And I promise you, they're more interesting than those bloody tweets. Sounds like I'm a winner though. And we are back for the Luca Pete Show, Thursday edition. I do hope you're keeping well on this Thursday.

Whatever you might be doing, whether you are underwater in the bath right now, have a listen. And all you can hear is this. Or you're in your loft and you're doing a bit of work with the insulation. You're doing a bit of work with the insulation and you're having a listen.

So we probably sound quite echoey. But there's a beautiful, cool breeze coming from in between the slate on your roof. And you're feeling alive a little bit. It's nice to be in a loft. I like lofts. Be careful. Or maybe you're just going for a jog and you're listening to our voices.

Watch out for the dog shit! Yeah. And if you are doing that, make sure you're not flouting some sort of government directive that's come out between recording and release. Yeah, definitely. On Monday, i tried an email hello at luke and pete show.com and it's from austin in seattle and i don't know it's one of those rarest of beasts i don't know we've done it before if we have done this before it's about a

kid almost dying from a ruptured spleen if we have done this before apologies just you know hit your fast forward button we don't need to hear about it um but for those who haven't heard it here it is uh hi guys long time listener first time emailer i thought i was going to die once on a family vacation in idaho when i was 10 years old it was our last day in sun valley so my dad and i decided to take a leisurely bike ride before our flight the ride became the opposite of leisurely bike ride before our flight the ride became the opposite of leisurely though when my foot slipped off the pedal and caused me to crash my bike on the sidewalk the crash caused me to vomit as well and left me with some stomach pain

my mum picked us up and had me lay on the couch while my dad packed our bags my stomach ache wasn't terrible but my mother became worried that it might have been worse than it seemed our neighbors a family who we did not know very well were also packing up to leave as they began to drive away my mother quick on her feet sprinted after them getting them to stop the car to ask if either of the parents happened to be doctors by some dumb luck or divine Boom. The doctors said that if I'd ignored the pain and gotten on the flight, the pressure could have burst my spleen even further, potentially killing me before the flight even landed. Gotta love your mum's intuition. Love the show, Austin from Seattle. Wow, imagine that.

Boom. Takes out an emergency exit, everyone gets sucked out of the plane. Be like when you feed bicarbonate of soda to a pigeon. It is, yeah. There was, I think, Stockport Health or Police Constabulary, somebody on Twitter this morning tweeted about, remember that early sort of internet clip of that whale exploding?

Yes. There was a beached whale in someplace in America and they decided to explode it because there was no other way of getting rid of it. And they used way too much dynamite and it went fucking everywhere. So they were basically just comparing that in a really obtuse way to, you know, going outside and spreading disease and not listening to experts. So, yeah, it reminds me of that. I can imagine like the spleen just explored in like a Galaxy 7. Yeah.

All over the gaff. Oh, disgusting. Disgusting. Pete, I think I'm right in saying that in certain circumstances, certain rare circumstances, a whale can explode on its own, can it not? Because the gas is built up in the stomach beach and the yeah if it's beached and the gas because everyone gets showered and and i run in there and grab the ambergris and go i'm rich yeah in the only in the only interesting thing to ever

happen to the town of leon solent in hampshire where i spent a proportion of my childhood um a whale was washed up it was hit by a um a ship and it washed up on the beach and it was amazing everyone flocked down there to look at it i think it was a i'm gonna say a bow whale i think and um they had to remove it with a big um tow truck and jcb and all sorts because um they were worried it was going to explode it started to swell up right okay yeah the gases could they not put perforations in it like a teabag? Should have done, shouldn't they? What a job.

I don't think anyone was volunteering to do an incision. I've seen one of those before where I think they've tried, again, the gases have sort of built up and they've made a very small incision and it just explodes, guts everywhere. Oh, magnificent. Isn't nature fantastic? It is.

Have you got another email there? Because I've got a very funny one here. All right, then. Well, give us the funny one, then. I mean, you've given us some rather dull Twitter content by your own admission. Thank you. This is from Liam, who says, and this is, again,

alongside the I nearly died when theme. He says, long- time listener, guys. I imagine my emails in the past have just been too shit to read out. That's probably true. However, with the ongoing thread of I Nearly Died When moments, I thought I could send in a slight twist on this that might prompt a few more stories. At the age of about 14, I woke up around 7 for school,

as I did every day. But little did I know I was about to have a moment of self-doubt after a sequence of coincidences and he's now included like a timeline so i'm gonna read it to you as it's as it's written 7 a.m wake up my dad was usually the one to wake me up but was nowhere to be seen 702 went downstairs to turn the tv on the tv did not work Is this home alone? the morning. 708 breakfast. Try to microwave some cereal. The microwave does not work. Is this home alone? 710. My mind jumps to thinking I'm dead.

And I can't see people and have no effect on the electronics. 712. Look outside to see if I can see anybody. No people. 714. Call neighbour to check if I'm alive to see if he's walking to school no answer 716 shower shower does not work 718 get ready for school and leave still unsure i love

that still goes to school 720 722 i finally see another person and the doubt releases i didn't actually find out what was going on until I got home from school later that day. It turns out the water and the power went off and my parents and brother had gone to speak to the neighbors and got trapped chatting. And my usual walk to school buddy, coincidentally, was ill that day. But it was enough to give me a moment of self-doubt that I can still vividly remember. I wonder if any other listeners have stories of that kind. I know my wife once thought that she died when she plunged into the big bowl at Splashdown in Poole, but that's

another story. I've been to that big bowl at Splashdown in Poole. It was bloody enjoyable. Is that the one that you go round, round, round, round, round, and then you fall through the middle? Yeah, it's like a water slide with a sink at the bottom. It's brilliant. Yeah, love it. A lot of time for one of those.

That's really interesting. I mean, I imagine people are experiencing some level of that delusion. Certainly I am in the middle of Soho where nobody is. But the first few days of lockdown, it was like, what am I? I felt like that TV show,

Last Man on Earth. Oh, yeah. I'm going to break into all the shops and eat all the food. How's your internet holding up? Surprisingly, really well. I'm having no problems. My upload speed is the same as my download speed. Really slow for 300 quid a month.

I mean, I bring on the 5G network. That's all I'm saying. Plung a big antenna outside my house, I don't care. How's 5G going to work, Pete? It seems to be very line of sight. It'll make it incredibly fast. But as with anything, I guess, the faster the thing gets, the more line of sight and the more antennas you have to put up

because it's so quick and buildings do block it quite easily. So I'm not thinking there's going to be much improvement for a very, very long time because it's just, from what I've seen from towns in America, Baltimore, I think Baltimore did it quite early on. Or maybe it was Boston. Either way, the neighbourhoods that had it, it was quite limited. You had to be quite near the transmitter to get any particular speed. But the speeds are stratospheric.

Because my theory is that 4G, all they did is they just made 3G slower. 3G's rubbish now. I got advised after a Wrestle Me live show that if you're ever having trouble in somewhere busy knock your phone down to

3G because everyone's on the 4G band that's why the obviously capacity is strained and you're all fighting to get on the same signal knock yourself down to 3G give yourself a bit of bandwidth mate lovely tip lovely tip 3g

is more than fast enough for most applications yeah i agree but the thing is how is it though i know i agree that that tip works because you've told me that before and i've utilized it to my bet to my advantage but i'm still pretty disappointed with the fact that um for some reason a lot of the time in 3g you don't even seem to be able to download a proper web page or anything. It's terrible. You can't watch a video on Instagram on 3G, can you? Yeah, of course you can. Of course you can.

It's fine. It's fine. All right. Stick a bit. Look, if anyone's listening, stick a big transmitter in my house. I don't care. It gives me 5G speeds faster than 15 megabits per second for 300 fucking quid a month, I'll do it.

Could we record this show remotely on 5G? We could record this show remotely on 3G, the way that we record it, yeah. Oh, big shout by you there. Oh, big shout. Let's do it. Let's do it next week. Stop throwing your...

If there's no other compete show, that's why. Do you know what I think happens? Because you know I'm so technologically poor, you go over the top with your claims to try and impress me. Well, the way that our... Well, I mean, technically, it would work on 2G or whatever the slowest data speed is because the way that the system works is

we record each side of our conversation and then at the end, the system that we're using uploads both files to the internet and can be shared on the cloud or post-processed automatically by some Google server. On that note... It would just take a little bit more time than usual. On that bombshell, speaking of things that take a little bit more time than usual, I'm off to make some scrambled eggs.

Oh, tossed salad? And scrambled eggs. All right, let's get out of here. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com to give us your stories of lockdown or any particular subject you'd like us to talk about. We'll be happy to indulge you and ourselves. We'll be back on Monday, as ever another episode of this foul jamboree. Thank you very much for listening.

Do spread the good word. Leave us a kind review. It means a lot to us. All that's left for me to say is goodbye Pete Donaldson. Goodbye Luke Moore. See you next time. This was a Stakhanov production. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in.

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