The Luke and Pete Show - What's Cooler Than A Million Dollars?

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

On today’s show, the boys discuss the do’s and don’ts of takeaway etiquette after Pete orders a large steak on Deliveroo.We also have news on which tube line is the real MVP, how to deal with dodgy neighbours, and what’s cooler than a million dollars...GET IN TOUCH! What's the worst thing you've ever ordered as takeaway food? What do you think is cooler than a million dollars? Let us know over at [e-mail] or by dropping us a message on Instagram/Twitter @lukeandpeteshow.If you're enjoying what you're hearing, leave us a REVIEW on Apple Podcasts! 5 stars will do. Cheers! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

do you know what's cooler than a million dollars what a nice big chair hey you know what's cooler than a million dollars what eating the last of the cornflakes in the packet do you know what's cooler than a million dollars what trying to get a christmas tree out of a loft but the ladder is just extended just enough for you to sort of tip over a little bit, and you're like, whoa! But then you right yourself, and you're like, mission accomplished.

Do you know what's causing a million dollars? Yeah. Walking down the street and seeing someone from Dragon's Den. Do you know what's causing a million dollars? What? Wearing a COVID-compliant surgical mask in public, but going like this.

And nobody knows you're doing it. Do you know what's causing a million dollars? What? Getting an email into your inbox exactly on the hour yeah what's cooler than a million dollars

what it's trying to make sure that the petrol amount gets to like 20 pounds exactly and then fuck it up

and cover yourself in petrol which is what I did at the weekend do you know what else is cooler than exactly a million dollars? Wetting your pants in front of your family. Yeah.

What I like about that is it really made me go that would be cool. That would be pretty cool. Your dad would be disappointed then amused then disappointed again. Mam shocked. There's no disappointment there. She just

wants to know what's going on. Sister. Oh Peter leaves the room. That's about it really. My mum would already. Unless I'm doing it on her grave. She's not interested. Don't do that. She's not bothered. But I often think that if I was so wealthy and so powerful that it didn't matter what I did. Yeah. I would sometimes

just wet my pants as a power move. Because no one can touch me. Didn't Lady Gaga take a top off in a meeting? Did she? Yeah. Similar sort of move, I suppose. There was a really wealthy guy who used to just take shits wherever he wanted on his super yacht, because he knew that other people would clear it up. Now, I wouldn't do that because I wouldn't want to involve other people, but what I'm saying

is, if the laws of, whether we like it or not, the laws of society, presuming you're not harming other people, the laws of society don't really apply to you. So the main barriers to, for example, wetting yourself in a meeting are, is this going to harm my prospects?

What are people going to think of me? Will this get around my social or professional circle? But all those are removed when you're so wealthy. Will this add to my mystique? Yeah. I don't think it would add to your mystique. It turns out he does it because he gets up at five o'clock in the morning and has like a penis operation every morning.

And that's what gives him the killer edge to run Amazon. People on Instagram told me that Matt Damon definitely gets up at 2.30 every morning and eats exactly four rice cakes with peanut butter on it. And 17 figs and then just does ab workouts for the rest of the day. Do you know what's cooler than a million dollars? Four rice cakes in a row with peanut butter on it. Do you figs and then just does ab workouts for the rest of the day. Do you know what's cool in the million dollars? Four rice cakes in a row with peanut butter on it. Ah!

Do you know what's cool in the million dollars? The Logo Pitch Show! It is Monday! Monday, Monday, so good to me. Monday, Monday, I'm not very good

at remembering lyrics to songs. It's the 28th of June. Yeah, it is. That is the day, I think, yeah. Or tell me why I don't like Mondays. That's one of the greatest jokes ever.

Have you heard the story about Russell Brown and Bob Geldof? No. So apparently Russell Brown did a fundraising gig, stand-up gig. Yeah. And he basically had a joke about Bob Geldof but he never used it because he thought it was unfair. And the night before he was doing this stand-up show,

Bob Geldof was on TV and was just doing his usual Bob Geldof thing and said to, I'm making this part up. Who's this Russell Brownie now? No, but he said to Jonathan Ross or whoever it was, Russell Brown, what a cunt, right? And Russell Brown heard about that and thought,

I'm going to roll the joke out. Yeah. And rolled the joke out and the joke was, Bob Geldof never shuts up about famine. He should know all about it because he's dined out on I Don't Like Mondays for 30 years.

It's good. It's a great joke. It's a really good joke and you just reminded me of it then. Is it written by Matt Morgan, his co-conspirator? I think Matt Morgan might have told the story. Right.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so that is also called the million dollars. Maybe. I don't know. Have you seen the social network recently? I have. Not recently.

Not recently, no. I watched an episode of Liverpool Narcos last night. What the flip is that? I'm going to tell you. People going, I've got this. that? I'm going to tell you. People are going I've got this, we found a cache of illegal weapons

in a lock up in Bootle and the Beans. Have you seen it? I don't know, it looked really interesting in the because what happens is Is it better than Cops UK?

Bodycam squad mate. No, not really. Never going to be is it? than Cops UK Bodycam Squad mate no not really right okay never going to be is it but Sky will occasionally put their hand in their pocket and make their own show and then they'll pepper you with adverts

yes do you know what I mean that is it after that you've got no choice it's almost like your brain walks into it there's an advert

for a show with the Doctor Who and the man who played Brian Clough in that film yeah David Tennant and Michael Sheen yeah we got

you're welcome and they were in a show it was a Terry Pratchett or something like that played Brian Clough in that film. Yeah. You know. David Tennant and Michael Sheen. Yeah, we got. You're welcome. And they were in a show, it was a Terry Pratchett or something like that. Isn't it called, it's about devils and go? Yeah. Yeah.

Angels and Demons. No, that was, that was a Pope one, wasn't it? That was your film. But he's there going, he's in a post box and he goes,

yes, the history or something like that. And it's on every fucking advert for Amazon Prime. Yes, it is. Yeah. But it used to be a Sky show, I think. What's your point? I'm just sick of the advert. Right, okay. Can't really remember it that well. Do you know what it's on every fucking advert for Amazon Prime. Yes, it is, yeah. But it used to be a Sky Show, I think.

What's your point? I'm just sick of the advert. Right, okay. Can't really remember it that well. Do you know what it's called in a million dollars? Finishing a Dan Brown novel on the tube

and slapping it shut in front of everyone like that. Well, that's that. Yeah. Oh, Knights Templar, eh? Whoa. Do you think Jesus had a son? Just saying that to people.

Bang, let's talk. Right, you, go. Jesus' son. Yes, no? I have a few questions. What station are you getting off at? just shouting at the people bang let's talk right you go Jesus son yes no I have a few questions what station are you getting off at Brixton end of the line come here

come here you anyway Liverpool Narco we're in Walthamstow yeah I've done the whole Walthamstow to Brixton have you

so where I live now nearest tube station Brixton friend of mine Joe bloody good lad Joey Dyer at his 40th birthday

in Walthamstow we rode that baby all the way home Joe, bloody good lad, Joey Dyer, had his 40th birthday on Walthamstow. We rode that baby all the way home. How long does it take? The tube, not Joe Dyer. How long does it take? Not that long. 28?

I'm going to say 28 minutes. 28 minutes, the whole line. What's the point in it? The Victoria line is... What's the point in it? The Victoria line, as you know, is the MVP of the Tube network.

Anyway, Liverpool Narcos. I was bombarded with so many adverts that my wife went out for an hour yesterday and it was almost like I turned to a robot and I was just like

finding the remote and just putting it on and I put it on it sounds like she went out for an hour just went I'm going out for an hour I'll be back in an hour

Luke an hour and have you seen the advert for Liverpool Narcos perhaps you should watch it anyway they've got you too it was fairly interesting

I suppose but it was one of those things they do now I don't know why people do this now. It's a big thing these days, and I think it's very hard to pull it off, where you meld and mould and mix.

Meld and mould and mix. The fiction and the non-fiction. The fiction. Oh, right, okay. So there's a drug bust, but no one was there to film it, so we're going to reenact it. Everyone's got lightsabers.

And we're going to exclusively use actors that can't get jobs anywhere else. Right. They used to do reenactment on Crimewatch. The blokes who used to work with Stephen Graham in local Liverpool theatre can't get any work now. You wouldn't get Stephen Graham near it. No. Not these days.

No chance. He's done so much. Anyway, so it was fine, but it was heavily tinted with everyone talking about how Liverpool was the most interesting city in the world, as you'd expect. But once you got past that it was fairly interesting this is enough drugs to keep the Beatles high for like a week

a Liverpool cab driver did once say to me in a cab I was in the cab on my own he went here mate have you heard of the Beatles and I was like

yes he went John I know you used to live there I said that is actually interesting you don't have to praise it by asking me if I've heard of the fucking Beatles

I'm from fucking Portsmouth and also that's a houseboat I don't have to pricey it by asking me if I've heard of the fucking Beatles. I'm from fucking Portsmouth. And also that's a houseboat. I don't think he did live there. I was about to say I'm from Portsmouth, not Ulaanbaatar, but I think even people in Ulaanbaatar would know who the Beatles were. Do you know what I mean?

But wasn't he sort of big on saying that I think that Liverpool has the most amount of history? That was a different category. That was a different category. They're all at it. That was a completely separate occasion me visiting Liverpool. The thing that gets me is that they have recently had their, occasion they're all at it that was a completely separate occasion me visiting Liverpool

the thing that gets me is that they have recently had their or they're about to lose their UNESCO heritage world status site thing

UNESCO are going to re-vote on it I didn't even know they took them away they fucked it mate they fucked it because they just added too many

like flat developments on the seafront stuff so it's not as it's not it's not one foot in the past anymore I didn't even

they've added too many student flats I wasn't even aware you could lose it I know yeah once the big guys the big dogs over at UNESCO made their

made their decision they're very kind of steadfast on it well if you go into like I don't know Himeji Castle what's that in Japan

and just start just a big castle looks like an overwatch level you just go out and just smash set fire to it I think you could

lose heritage to it if you could just burn it down would that be salt in the wound for those guys that would be yeah I don't see how

any kind of thing of natural beauty could be removed I don't know a landslide or too much think of that I just don't think that people at

UNESCO have got the stomach for that do you know what I mean say the entirety of you of Yellowstone National Park exploded in that volcano, after which we'd all be dead apparently because it's a super volcano.

And it's 10,000 years overdue as well, which is a mere blink of an eye in geological terms, but still was cause for concern. If that erupted and among the smouldering rubble, you just got your, you pulled your iPhone out. Yeah. And it, in its last breath, it dinged. Yeah.

And you had an email, and it was from UNESCO saying, you know, sorry about that, but you realistically can't give me World Heritage Day. That's the end of it for me. Yeah. I, yeah, there goes your funding. What's calling a million dollars? Losing your UNESCO World Heritage Day. Big volcano.

Yeah. Exploding. That is, to be be fair a super volcano exploding is genuinely cooler than a million dollars yeah I would say so but I would say that I think UNESCO

should give you a five second rule if you drop your pizza and you pick it up within five seconds it's still good it's still good you don't adhere

to the five second rule what do you mean I think you give it longer than that I've done days before if I drop something on the floor I think if I drop

it depends on the food stuff I ordered steak from Deliveroo and you had a problem with that last week I've got a problem with that

because I fucking forgot about that and now you're fucking for the high jump mate because I'm against that because I don't know

how they're going to I would rather pay the same money and they give me the raw steak I'll just do it myself I'll flash it myself yeah but what's the difference as long as it's there how they're going to... I would rather pay the same money and they give me the raw steak. I'll just do it myself. I'll flash it myself.

Yeah, but what's the difference? As long as it's there within 10 minutes, you're alright, aren't you? There's a guy called Alexis Guerreros who does Cooligans and does a lot of stuff in the US on TV. Good lad.

Properly into his food. And he said to me when we were in New York City last, he said to me, he won't even entertain the idea of pizza being put in a box. It ruins it. I don't know what he thinks about steak. I mean, it would fucking sweat. I mean, you don't want to put steak on a moped. That's

the last thing you want to be doing. It's not in the tailpipe, is it? Like a bad banana. You have got a moped. But we'll see where it ends up. How did it turn out? It was absolutely fine. And salmon. Sarah had the salmon. Yeah.

And we had mackerel cheese and we had mushrooms. It was brilliant. It was pretty much expensive but it was delicious. So there's another, meat liquor for it. I think meat liquor is

that don't let you buy fries, deliver it. Oh, right. Because they say it's too poor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they let you do hash browns I think maybe instead. Oh, nice.

Generally speaking, you're on far safer ground with a side in a delivery. Yeah. And a burger, so one of the things I have really noticed is that they, the good place is they'll put your burger in a box now. Just properly protect it. So I'm fine with that. I just think with a steak, it's a bit of a bridge too far. Would you rather just cook yourself a steak?

Well, no, because I was living in a house where I don't know where any of the pans are. I just moved house, so everything's all in boxes. Oh, met some more neighbours, Lukey. Talked to me. Talked about Damien, as he's actually known, who gave us a couple of eggs. When we arrived, we had a load of cards through the door from the little road.

Sounds like a lovely neighborhood. And there was a, and there was a, one was drawn by one of the children. It was a drawing of, I mean, they drew me like I had an Afro. So she clearly hadn't seen me.

I was fuming. Fuming I was. She'd have ripped it up. Ripped it up. Rubbish. But again, just piles of pressure on. I know I'm going to ruin everything.

Yeah. You keep saying that, but it's going to be like, it's going to be like when you fulfill the prophecy yourself but if you just if you just stayed positive you've got a far better chance of being okay yeah but you've you've you've it feels to me like and to our listeners that like you've already cast the die yeah it decided yeah speaking of um um photos of of drawings of young people so my my five-year-old mate oh it's a lovely link my five-year-old niece... That was a lovely link. My five-year-old niece... I'm just trying to find it. My five-year-old niece

had to write a short story about someone in her family and also draw a picture of them. Uh-oh. And she chose me. She'd better not... Keep her mouth shut.

I'm going to read it to you now. Luke, career criminal mower. This is my Uncle Lukey. He's got a gun. He never orders Deliveroo steak. This is my Uncle Lukey. He's got a gun. He never orders Deliveroo steak. This is my Uncle Lukey. My Uncle Lukey is very tall.

He puts me on his shoulders so that I can touch the ceiling and I like to have a sleepover at his house. Right. Now, you never invite me to do either of those things. No.

I don't think I'll put you on my shoulders. Oh, come on. You're stronger than me. Look at the picture of me, Pete. What do you reckon? Pretty good, actually. It is. What do you reckon? Pretty good, actually. It is.

What are you wearing? Funny trousers. Yeah, which is a bit ironic, given I'm sat here with you. Anyway, I was going to say, I'm going to say something to you, read the house move that you might find a little bit offensive, and I'll apologise in advance if you do find yourself offended by it. I was trying to think the other day of someone less helpful in a house move

than you and I couldn't think of anyone. Well, the problem with me is apart from my opinions and thoughts and actions No, your opinions and thoughts are fine.

You're very entertaining. Very much. I am quite short. So, carrying What, temper-wise? Yep, that too. Oh, you mean physically short? Physically short.

I'm just, everything is just a little bit too close to the ground. Marcus told me you guys were average height. Marcus may very well say that, but it's not true. Yeah, we were sort of, yeah, just carrying stuff up. Me, and to be fair, a lad who's about the same height as me, you know, carrying stuff up the stairs and stuff, it was very difficult.

Well, you had help. The guy who rented the van for us, who could drive a big van, he helped out on a Sarah's Mets. And yeah, he was brilliant. But he does this sort of thing all the time, even though he is my height. And so we're just two short arses

trying to get stuff up the stairs. And we're just not strong boys. My rationale for it was that you can't drive. Yeah. And that you're insane. So like you put things in weird places not illogically you know right certain people in my house put the um instead of putting the detergent under the sink yeah put the pans all right that that needs to move i'm on your

side there the detergent why does detergent need to live under the sink all the clean stuff goes under the sink why it's an unwritten rule that's what I mean why are the rules there there's certain unwritten rules that's why it sent shockwaves for the Luke and Pete show community when you were using your oven as a cupboard

yeah but at least that's dry it says dry for the driest place driest place I suppose I think that's but I feel like

that you would in your mind think that you know pans and t-shirts would go in the same box or something

for moving? Or you would just chuck everything in boxes? Far moving, mate. Wrap all of your smashables in clothes. And just unwrap them both at the same time. Did you mark the boxes? Did you pen the boxes?

Sorry, I didn't. All my stuff. All my stuff is just all my stuff. I'll find a place for it. You won't let anyone touch it, did I? Someone's got to do that. Just all my stuff. All my stuff is just all my stuff. Yeah. I'll find a place for it. You won't let anyone touch it, will you? Don't let anyone touch it. Don't open that.

Don't open that. There are things in there that are going to blow your mind. Something really unsettling is that one of our favourite neighbours literally moved house unannounced yesterday. What, they just effed off? No, we knew they were trying to sell. We knew they'd found a place. And one of those

mad things that happened in the English property law, I suppose, where they exchanged and did the thing on the same day. So they were gone.

He was out first thing in the morning trying to find a van and they'd just gone. What, on the day? He had to just go, oh my God, we're moving now.

They went. And that day, in the evening, looked out of my kitchen window, which is on the first floor, their garden's to the left.

You can see into their garden. New family. Well, I'm telling you, used to seeing Chris and Julie and their kids doing their thing. Lovely family. Really enjoyed living near them. Looked down, two completely new random people. I'm going to let you into a little secret here.

Yeah. This is betraying the confidence of my wife, but not in any kind of meaningful way. One of them's American, and my wife, who's also American, got very upset about it. Yes. Because I quote, they're too loud,

and I like being the only American here. Yeah, no, that's absolutely fair. It's that nod of, just keep your fucking mouth shut to English people in Japan, I always find. Yeah. Especially people who live there. They're sort of going,

you leave my people alone they think I'm quite charming I found Japan first I found Japan first I came first so don't you be trying to get into my well it's also

it's also potentially seismic for me because my wife is pretty I would say that because she's my wife but she is and she's charming

and she's interesting and she's enthusiastic so that takes a lot but this new American is she's enthusiastic. So that takes a lot. But this new American is. Well, this is the thing, Pete, that takes a lot of pressure off me. Right. If Derek, our next door neighbour,

he's absolutely lovely, older gentleman, really nice guy, well into his garden. Yeah. If he comes out into the garden and Mimi's there, I'm laughing.

Right. Because they'll just talk about gardening. She likes gardening as well. Yeah. They'll exchange tips on how to get the best out of the roses and all the rest of it. And I can just,

literally sometimes, Pete, I can just casually slink off back into the house. No one even notices. Watch a bit more of Bodycam UK. The drum bus, the Liverpool knuckles. Will a new American neighbour upset the apple cart? Right. Well, look, I mean, I presume Mimi and Dud's in the 7am firing of the AK-47.

So, I mean, like, that's, you know, what are they going to do? Be an M16, wouldn't it? M16, sorry. Come on. A bump stock. What would they do? What would they do?

Do we know where the American's from? Do they know what they do? I haven't met them yet. Exciting. Because what happened was, because they're Maisonettes, right? So we're upstairs. We've got Anthony and Yolanda downstairs.

They're lovely. Derek to the right. Guy below Derek on the right. Let's not talk about him. It's just everyone's sort of against single men in houses. No, he's not single. On the left,

we had Chris and Julie. They were lovely. They've gone. New American people have come in. Jury's out. Upstairs, Kieran and Rebecca. Lovely couple.

Really nice. Kieran plays a lot of Call of Duty when I'm trying to work. But other than that, he's a smashing lad. I'm just worried because we've effectively got five neighbours, what's going to happen? It's a variable you don't need, quite frankly.

So I would prefer you and Sarah to have moved in. Yeah, well, the problem is we've got... Easier for Luke and Pete. Just pop right up the door. Go upstairs. What type of show do you want to make? A live one. Yeah, just go into the shed down the bottom of the garden.

Yeah. Yeah, the thing with... We've gone from a detached rental house property, very nice, to a semi-detached, the end of a terrace, and... Oh, you can't argue in the garden, can you?

No. Can't argue in the garden. People can hear you. Just after a few beers. Just after a few beers. I bought you, we bought you a crate of bootlegger for your birthday. Nearly finished them off.

How were they? I left one at the house, I think. Do you think our listeners will know who the bootlegger is? He's a man who I, he's a, is he from Wrexham?

I believe so. Yeah, he's a, he's a short little bloke from Wrexham who became a bit of a kind of internet, kind of Twitter video star. You won't profess your enjoyment of his content publicly

because you think that it could come back to bite you in the future. I just think that he has a certain manner about him and the way that he talks about his wife being the flamethrower is... But I didn't even get the thing dragon flamethrower. Like but I didn't even get the thing dragon

flamethrower like she's a dragon I didn't even I just thought that's a my favourite thing he does is he's got a a draft beer thing

in his kitchen which he calls the working man's kettle and he goes there at the end of the day and films himself pouring himself a pint going cheers for that baby

it's great I find his delivery quite chilling. His eyes are like... His eyes are quite big. Bug-eyed, isn't he? Don't be coarse. He's got so many followers on Twitter

that he was able to, in development of a local brewery, much like our friend Robbie Knox, who's done his Binday IPA, which looks amazing. And it's an amazing thing, actually. I think we could probably, even Luke and Pete level,

we could probably do it. The bootlegger's got his own beer. We bought you a crate of it for Pilsner, I think it could probably even Luke and Pete level could probably do it so the bootlegger's got his own beer we bought you a crate of it for Pilsner I think it is for your birthday

was it actually decent one of ours apparently it's got a picture of his face on it yeah he looks unhinged so is it

because you know we had some problems with Tisky and it's social commitments or whatever it was are you moving on to bootlegger now

well I can't previous to Natalie you bought me some Tisky for the birthday last time. So I forgot about them. Get through those. I wonder where they are in the house.

Oh, man. God, I'm like an alcoholic trying to find the booze I've hidden. Pack that last. You can unpack it first. Anyway, let's have a break while Pete looks for his tisky. Where's me tisky?

When we come back, the other side of this, we're going to do a couple of emails. There's some good ones this week, actually. I was really impressed when I went through them yesterday. So I'm looking forward to reading some of them out uh don't go anywhere we'll see you in a sec we're back with a look at peach show if you would like

to uh tinkle your ivories tickle your ivories tinkle your ivories whichever one it is yeah but it's like a piano keyboard isn't it right it's an email hello look peach show.com get involved new season of pub g. What's happened? Season 11 was so tough. Speaking of mega volcanoes, isn't there a volcano-y conversation? Volcano map is interesting because AI generates a new terrain every time.

So it's all wobbly, wobbly, wobbly, right. So season 11 was so tough. It was like a pro lobby every time. Right. And season 12's actually, I think, returned a bit to the norms. It's a bit more enjoyable. Maybe I'll load up my PlayStation.

I'll have a couple of rounds. You should. You should do that. Anyway, hello at LukeandPeteShow.com if you play PUBG and you want to be on my squad. But you can email for any reason, of course, as we were on that.

Your ping has to be under 30. What does that mean? How far away you are from the exchange? From the server, yeah. It's not good if you've got high latency ping because it just makes you get all juddery. be under 30. What does that mean? How far away you are from the exchange? From the server, yeah, it's just, it's not good if you've got high latency ping

because it just makes you get all juddery. I've always been fine because what I do at the end of the working day, if I'm going to play in the evening

for an hour or two, I unplug the ethernet and plug it into the PlayStation. Nice. No problem. It's a 30 metre

ethernet. I would say that to everyone now. That's what's changed my life, the Ethernet. Really? Sometimes you'll be doing something with someone at work or you have a Zoom call or you're doing something and you say to people, get an Ethernet cable.

Get an Ethernet cable. Seems to solve a lot of the problems. Yeah, yeah. Just Internet is a... I thought I was across it and I was just... I'm getting back on the BT bandwagon. You think about Internet a lot, don't you? Yeah.

I had a bad experience with a previous business broadband provider and you told us you were literally abusing down the phone a poor employee of that company I've never abused any

I get very upset about a particular man who works for a particular broadband company yeah who victimised me quite frankly did you take it out on him no I didn't take it out on him I just said what is wrong with you?

I'm paying 300 quid a month for this bullshit. Yeah, aggressive. I didn't say bullshit. Did you say BS? I said, this is BS. Like Steve Coogan on Newsnight that time. When he just went and turned into partridge by accident. It was amazing.

It's so funny. That is BS. Right, anyway, James has been in touch. He hasn't left his surname. That's okay. It's so funny. That is BS. Right, anyway, James has been in touch. He hasn't left his surname, but that's okay. It's about his dad. He says it's about his dad and about awkward neighbours. So two subjects, two Luke and Pete show subjects in one. He says, hi, guys.

On the subject of awkward neighbours, my mum's neighbour sprung to mind. This story also incorporates some dad behaviour that I thought you might enjoy. We had an ongoing battle with our neighbour, brackets Henry. Henry Hoover. I don't know if I've ever met anyone. Yeah, I have met one person called Henry.

Did we ever meet Henry's cat? Who was the eponymous? Eponymous? No, what's the title thing? Henry's cat. Yeah, it is eponymous. What's Henry? Who's Henry? What do you mean? The cat was there, but that was Henry's cat. I don't think he came into it. Yeah, ponemous. What's Henry? Who's Henry? What do you mean? The cat was there, but that was Henry's cat. I don't think he came into it.

No. I don't think he came into it. Why just give the cat a name and leave off, dickhead? I think that was the thing, though, wasn't it? What? It's all about the cat. Why have we never seen Henry?

Don't know. Email in and let us know. Henry, their neighbour, seemed obsessed with burning his green waste rather than disposing of it in any other way. That sounds fucking disgusting. Yeah, I think he just means like...

I'm burning my green waste, mother. I think he just means like garden waste or recyclables, I guess. I mean, presumably he's not... Not recyclables. He's not burning like plastic. That's blue waste, if anything, isn't it?

Well, in our district, in the Lambeth Council, it's green is recycling. Right, okay. And you have to get a special green bag you have to pay for for garden waste.

We used to have... This is so boring. Three bins and a food waste bin. Yeah, I never used a food waste bin. Got our own composter, thanks very much. and you have to get a special green bag you have to pay for for garden waste we used to have three bins and a food waste bin yeah I never used a food waste bin got our own composter thanks very much

oh very nice and yeah we got to a place where you just put the bins out in the street bin bags just in bin bags what there's no recycling

yeah there's recycling but you set two separate bags but you just chuck them out in the street very Neapolitan that anyway so yeah Henry was burning his green waste rather than disposing of it You set two separate bags, but you just chuck them out in the street. Whoa. Very Neapolitan, that. Anyway, so yeah, Henry was burning his green waste rather than disposing of it in any other way. Henry.

The problem was that he would let it build up, wait until a nice day, and then set it alight. The prevailing wind would take the smoke through our garden, meaning we couldn't open windows or put washing out without the house or our clothes smelling of smoke. This was something that my dad took real issue with. Yeah, you would. I think we're team James's dad so far.

After multiple offers to dispose of the waste for him, my dad eventually snapped, took our hose, jumped onto the wall and put his fire out from a distance of around five meters and continued to do so every time the fire was lit. Welcome to the party. Yeah. Pow. Just spraying it. Yeah.

That is calling a million dollars. That is calling a million dollars. That is calling a million dollars. Jumping up on a wall with a hose. Go and have a bit of that. Yeah. This saga continued with various tactics like burning when my dad was at work, moving the burner further away.

This guy loves to burn shit. And here's the key phrase, until my parents separated. Oh, that's clearly driven a wedge. Yeah. Flammable wedge. Flammable wedge. My mum kept the house,

and the burning continues to this day. But unlike my dad, my mum is not confrontational enough to do anything about it. She just moans every time I visit. Not a nightmare neighbour, but certainly an awkward one, and I'm sure Henry would probably say the same about my dad.

He's very magnanimous of you, James. Incidentally, the neighbour on the other side moved into his house two years before we did. So 2001. Right. And still to this day has piles of unpacked boxes in his living room. And his living room consists of just a TV and a deck chair. That is lovely.

And then James finishes with a little addendum saying, just regarding the first email I ever sent you guys about socks, I wonder whether Luke has had any update on this. Which tennis socks is he currently using? I recently took a gamble while moving away from Nike and bought some Under Armour heat gear socks and would strongly recommend.

Lovely. Well, what are you wanking to? Hello at linkpitcher.com. I'm still using the Nike tennis socks, James. I'll be honest. I've not any cause to change it. Sometimes he just walks around with them, just wearing that.

It's weird. Yeah. I like it. He's like a human chicken. And he says it's time for tennis. Yeah. And he starts approaching and the shadow creeps across my face. You like it. You're like a human chicken. And he says, it's time for tennis. Yeah. And he starts approaching. And the shadow creeps across my face.

Is he carrying on with this one, aren't you? You don't, as if you would cry. Can I just also say that I've discovered the White Company pyjamas, which I'm very excited about. You were waxing lyrical about this on a private WhatsApp channel. And I'm... Do you know what spurred it on? I'm going to bed

with a Claritin and a pair of boxers No you are going to bed with three Valium Three Valium and the last thing you do before you fall asleep

is just on the tisky so it's there when you wake up I was going to say the thing that's the thing that's spawned this conversation

about pyjamas with you on the private WhatsApp chat and I think people would know by now how boring that I am so that would make sense is that I text

a couple of my mates I've got my four best mates from a WhatsApp chat together Jimmy and Tommy and those guys and I text them

saying by the way fellas I'm in the market for some new sleepwear I want to make myself sound a bit cooler than the same pyjamas do you recommend anything one of them

messaged back saying I sleep in my jeans. What? He's married and approaching 40. Is he John Cena? What the hell is that about? I couldn't believe it.

I would never think of him either. How heavy are the jeans? Are they like sort of skin tight? What the fuck? He's like, I've just always done it and I've never really changed. That's a fetish. That's a fetish.

I think it's kinky, isn't it? It's kinky, that is. Yeah, outrageous. So anyway, the white company sleepwear. It would scratch. It's heavy. I'll tell you something now. If the white company listening to this,

and the agency that represents them, and they want to sponsor the show, I am a passionate believer in the white company pajamas. You want to stop talking about them? The white company. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.

Anyway, over to you, Pete Donaldson. Yeah, sorry. I was cracking up. Right. a long walk no wait a minute oh gosh where's the bloody thing he told us not to

not to do the email with the pictures there we go here we go Josh hello Josh a legendary dad

hello Luke and Pete it's Father's Day as I write this and although my story doesn't really fit with your dad behaviours thread from a while back, because I guess that literally no one else can say, yeah, that's relatable dad behaviour,

it's nonetheless pretty funny and worth a share. My old man, he's in his 70s now, is recovering from hip replacement surgery. A lifetime of playing squash has taken its toll, and this is his second major joint replacement. It was one of his knees last time. Naturally pleased after his successful op, he took to social media to document his status in pictures. His first post was a picture of the big scar on the side of his arse for which he had to take a sideways on a mirror selfie. Paused

pants down, carefully making sure that his modesty wasn't in the shot. This was accompanied by the caption, X-rated if Facebook lets it through. I guess his concern regarding whether Facebook's nudity algorithm would be okay with the side of his arse being unsure was somewhat understandable. He didn't apply the same level of concern to his next post, though, which was his post op x-ray.

This was a full frontal shot in which not only his new prosthetic hip was visible, but also, quite clearly, his penis in a textbook left-hanging position. Incongruent with his misgivings about the arse shot, he was completely unperturbed by comments in the X-ray post pointing out that everyone could see his knob legend. As a side note, I never knew before my dad's experience that a lot of these big orthopaedic surgeries are done only under a local or spinal anaesthetic because a general anaesthetic isn't a front of the body and isn't safe for the elderly.

They basically numb you and put your curtain up between the action area and your eyes. My dad described hearing a lot of hammering and sawing being a scientific mind is working who's worked in the medical device industry his whole life he said he was very interested in the whole procedure and was asking the surgeons lots of questions during the process i wish i'd inherited his stomach shout out to my dad and his inconsistent views about what's appropriate to share with the world he's recovering well and hopes to be playing squash again soon. I've attached screenshots

and they are... I've seen the screenshots. He's got a great physique, his dad. Yeah, I mean, he's basically, he has essentially shared a picture of his penis though.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's the x-ray version but the bum, like he's got a good old... X-rated. X-rated bum bum. He's got a good old...

He looks in great nick. He's got legs like Chun-Li. I'd be very happy to be in the shape that Josh's dad is in when I get to that age. No, he's in that shape now, to be honest. Yeah, I would actually agree with that. Good on you.

Speaking of people being in great shape, you see that picture of Italian manager Roberto Mancini? Mate. I couldn't believe that was real. I couldn't believe that was real. Could you believe it was real? I mean, I know it is, but... I just think men with important...

I've not got an important job and I can't keep in shape men with important jobs who are just stressed out like you wouldn't believe why don't they comfort eat

why don't they stay bruised no but I think genetically I mean a lot of this comes down to genetics no he's a professional athlete his whole life yeah so he's either going to go

completely one way like the old big Neil Ruddock or he's going to stay in shape do you know what I mean yeah I find modern he's 54 he looks in shape do you know what I mean yeah I find modern he's 54

he looks amazing and I would class him as a modern sportsman I find modern sports people they have a psychotic devotion to their own physique and I don't care for it

I've got a psychotic devotion to my own physique which is not in that way I want to abuse it anyway let's get out of here we'll be back on Thursday with another episode of Luke and Pete Show.

We'll do some of your battery brands. We'll see how your week's been. It'll be the 1st of July then, can you believe it? Half the year will already be over. So yeah, we'll look forward to that. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com is the email address. We are at LukeandPeteShow on Twitter and Instagram. And we look forward to talking to you then.

Say goodbye, Peter. Do you know what's cooler than a million dollars? The Thursday show coming soon. It's goodbye from me as well. In your RSS. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.