The Luke and Pete Show - Who burnt toast?

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

Luke starts the show with the sad news that his toaster has finally broken after nine years of service.Amazingly, this foreshadows what turns out to be a very dramatic and abrupt ending to today’s show. Elsewhere, we hear 2023 predictions from journalists writing in 1923 and we’re not kidding when we say some of them are INSANE! Anyone for a kidney cosy?What are your predictions for 3033? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Logan Bean Show. It's Pete Donaldson and Luke Moore doing their thing, baby! Once more. How you doing? You alright? Keeps us out of trouble, doesn't it? Keeps us out of trouble. I don keeps us out of trouble I don't know what kind of trouble I'd be in if I didn't have

this show to do probably other trouble I'd find some other lads and lasses to cause trouble with I reckon

I think we owe it to our partners and to our loved ones to make sure we just ensconce ourselves in the studio at least semi-regularly so

that they get a bit of peace and quiet I would say but anyway what's new with you Peter what's been going on my back's feeling a little bit better I told everyone I was a bit of a bad back but it But anyway, what's new with you, Peter? What's been going on? My back's feeling a little bit better.

I told everyone I was a bit of a bad back, but it's actually starting to feel better. Have you been absolutely popping the old sawmills and the pain pills just to get yourself through? I don't need to, I told you. I hardly ever take them, so the medication works a treat on me. Yeah.

But sad news in Chateau Mormont, my house. After nine years of faithful service, the toaster packed up today. Oh, lovely. That's good. But I think it's nice to complete a toaster on its own terms. I think it's nice to sort of go, I've done everything. Toasters, anything with a heating element, quite hard to fix. So you just sort of go, look, it's done.

I get the joy of getting a brand new toaster's, anything with a heating element, quite hard to fix. So you just sort of go, look, it's done. I get the joy of getting a brand new toaster, maybe with some advanced toasting functions included. But yeah, are you a big toast guy? Yeah, very much so, I am. And that's why it's disappointing, because I just can't bring myself to stick it under the grill. What, you don't put the toaster under the grill? Yeah, that's what broke it.

No, it's a sad day, I'll tell you why why because essentially nine years ago i moved into this house and right there's a certain amount of essential things you need to purchase when you bought your first house and for me i spent i remember vividly spending 30 pounds on a toaster and 30 pounds down from 50 pounds for a microwave now but miraculously the microwave is still working perfectly but nine years50 for a microwave. Now, but miraculously, the microwave is still working perfectly. But nine years on for a £30 microwave is fucking good going. Yeah, that is really good going.

And so the toaster's now given up the ghost, which is a shame. It's a nice toaster. But I ordered a new one, which will hopefully be delivered in the next couple of days. And you're right, I'm interested to see what functions it's got.

I am a big toast man. I like all types of bread. What I try and have going in the house, and forgive me, because I realize there is a cost of living crisis at the moment, I like to treat myself occasionally to a loaf of sourdough from the local bakery. I've got my slicing technique down well

so it fits in the toaster. It's great stuff. And I do feel a little bit bereft. I would feel more bereft probably without a kettle, but nevertheless, the absence of a toaster is a shame. How about you? What's your toast policy? I don't eat a lot.

I'm eating more than I used to because I kind of rediscovered toast as a thing to eat because, I mean, it's just so versatile and also, like, there's just no dicking about it. It's just there versatile. And also, like, it's... There's just no dicking about it. It's just there, isn't it? It's ready. You just have it, like, get some nice butter on there. Sarah bought some Nutella recently, and I was like, that's...

I just always thought Nutella was just a bit of a... quite a European affectation, like, very affected kind of thing to do. But you have it, and you're like, oh, it's actually quite nice, isn't it? Turns out Nutella's quite delicious. I would say a toast... A humble toast is one of the few foods, I would say, that not only is it good on the constitution,

but also socially acceptable to eat at any time of day. Now, I know that you fly on the face of convention, don't you, when it comes to eating foods at certain times, but there's certain foods I would never eat in the morning. But something like yesterday morning I had, before football, I had toast with butter and I'd bought some gherkins. I just put a little gherkins on them and then some Tabasco. And that's just absolutely delicious.

The salt of the butter and the astringent kind of vinegary kind of, whoa, lovely. So you're combining the kind of classic British snack of toast with some gherkins, some cornichons. German gherkins. Some cornichons, as they were saying in France. It's quite a French thing. And you're putting a bit of Mexican flavour on there.

All over the place. Flavour explosion in your house in the mornings. Bloody delicious. The thing is, I do feel like if I walked into the kitchen and saw a loved one eating that for breakfast, I would think it was a bit odd. Or they were pregnant. Well, yeah, exactly.

One or the other. So I would say that toast is probably the great unsung hero of the British diet. So one of the problems I do have with American, I have many problems with it actually, but one of the main problems I have with the old American foodstuffs is the bread is generally quite poor.

Right, okay, yeah. There's no real selection in bread. It's not of good quality. Whereas if you come to the UK from America for the first time and you see the selections of bread on offer, your mind gets blown to bits because it's such an amazing amount of selection of choices. And head over to the mainland Europe, head over to France

and you've got even better bread, I'd say. Did you see this new story, Luke? Just picking up this new story from the running order about a woman who tried to get an insurance company to pay out due to sexually transmitted disease she got from a man. So I saw the story that a woman contracted a sexually transmitted disease from a man

in a car and then tried to sue they tried to claim on the insurance or something? I didn't really understand it. The insurance of the car. So these people in Missouri had sex with a man in his 2014 hyundai genesis which is insured by geico the woman claimed that geico should pay her for the resultant injuries of getting um hpv right uh if you're not unfamiliar i think something like nine out of ten

people will get it during the lifetime so it's not So it's not like a rare issue, one would say. But Geico argued that having sex didn't constitute normal use of a car. Right. And a law court ruled in favour of the plaintiff, but the Supreme Court reversed the ruling. So she almost got there. I find that fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.

But also, the reason I can find it, it doesn't constitute normal use of a car. Understandable. Also, like, it's not that she didn't elect to do it. And it's not a failure of the car? Yeah. I don't know. Presumably you start sexual congress

with certain admissions of, certain kind of admissions of do you always call it sexual congress can i just check that i do yeah let us begin sexual congress yeah i shout through um a special on it horn i've made oh no it's a sexual congress horn i play the last post which is what i call my wanger. The thing that people do object to though, is that you also, the sexual Congress horn, which you have is made of endangered rhino horn.

Yeah. But that, that's a, that's a, that makes me feel sexier. Yeah. Anything, any,

any kind of like, um, ground up and any kind of rhino horn that goes anywhere near me, just get, you know, just really gets me going. So the results speak for themselves, don't they?

The scientific proof is there. Always got a boner. I think it's also that claim there. It's also one of those things where you've got to do quite a lot of personal heavy lifting to even present that case, haven't you? I had sex with a man or a woman

in a car and i got herpes and clip it clip it i'm happy for everyone to know that because what makes you laugh is like you're just in a room with with bare walls and you're just going i had sex with a man or woman in a car and i got hbv or whatever because because the time of recording the house has been decorated so it is actually a really bleak scene in here yeah it looks like you i do it like i'm in a prison cell basically yeah there's nothing on the walls and nothing around yeah but i'm just saying that all i'm saying is if you did... Look, let me put it another way. If you had had sex with a man or woman in the car and you contracted herpes and it was all a little bit of a disaster,

you've got to have quite the chutzpah to want to make a very public legal claim about that. Most people would want to just forget it, wouldn't they? I wouldn't be asking for 5.2 million, which is... Too much. You've gone too far. It's like when the geezer... I say this over and over again. The geezer who cheated to get a million,

who wants to be a millionaire? Just go for half a million. You'll never be mentioned again. You'll have half a million quid you wouldn't have had before by cheating. The fact that he went for the whole million means he got busted. Yeah, exactly.

If she had gone for half a million quid, they might not have even bothered hearing the appeal. No, just pay her, for crying out loud. Yeah, I'll pay you to go for half a million quid, they might not have even bothered hearing the appeal. No, just pay her for crying out loud. Yeah, I'll pay you to go away. You're obviously a maniac. But it is an interesting case, for sure. So weird. Such a weird situation to be in. I also saw this, which I thought was quite interesting on Twitter.

It was a guy on Twitter called Paul Fy, but with an I-E. So F-A-I-R-E. The old-timey way of saying Fairey. I think so. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, exactly. He's a very interesting guy on Twitter. Basically, his Twitter M.O. is he spends a lot of his time digging up.

There's some amazing newspaper archives, particularly on American newspapers. And the big ones like the Times and the Washington Post tend to have their own archives. So if you avoid them, but if you go to somewhere like newspapers.com, you can pay a certain amount of money a month, which I did when I was studying.

And you can access like a ridiculously comprehensive archive of all the localish newspapers in the US. And they've actually got them in the UK as well. So you can, and someone, God bless them, obviously it was more than one person, but some people, I suppose, God bless them, have essentially microfeast or an upload or whatever technique they use.

Basically every single newspaper edition of every single day right around the us so this guy essentially spends a lot of his time i think he's like a archivist or a historian um digging out really interesting articles from these old newspapers now the real genius of newspapers.com is that you can actually search by keyword and it works. Yes, okay. So, you know, normally if you search by keyword and it's an image, it won't highlight the image wording

because it's an image. The computer just sees it as an image, right? This one does do that. So it finds all of them. So anyway, this guy, Paul, he did a thing of a list of predictions made by newspaper people or authors or writers or columnists or readers, letters about what the year 2023 would be like. But in 1923. So essentially, like, obviously, when the when the newspapers, new editions for the new year in 1923 came out,

I guess a lot of editors just commissioned people to write what they thought the world would be like at a hundred years time. And it seems to have been a bit of a trend. There's loads of funny stuff in there. It's like one of them is that, let's set this one out from the Minneapolis Journal in the first week of January, 1923. It is now predicted that by the year 2023,

women will probably be shaving their heads. And men will be wearing curls. Also, the maidens may pronounce it at the height of style in personal primping to blacken their teeth. The thing I like about that is, there's no basis for that. No, they've just

went, what's the opposite of what we do now yeah like you may not yeah but you sound like a true visionary if you just say this absolute twaddle don't you yeah he also says that the minneapolis journal also says um glenn curtis who is an airplane authority apparently um predicts that by the year 2023, gasoline as a motive power will have been replaced by radio and that the skies will be filled with myriad craft sailing over well-defined routes by the power of radio.

So that's a basic misunderstanding of what radio is, isn't it? Well, I mean, I guess it's a power of sorts, isn't it? But, I mean, it's energy, isn't it? I mean, it's still energy, but I imagine, imagine like because you can you can charge your phone with like microwaves which is just another part of that spectrum can't

you so like there's a system that um you have in the ceiling i think you could i think you can buy this off the peg um i think you can kind of put your phone anywhere in the room and the and the energy thingamajig the the microwave-y thing, finds where your phone is. And as long as it's not being blocked by a human object, it fires very focused microwaves at the phone. It charges the phone wirelessly. Is that widely available?

I'm fairly certain that came out. I mean, it's very slow and very ineffective, but basically if you disrupt the energy wave, it stops immediately so you don't get burned or anything. But you can fire energy wirelessly over the place. That's very interesting. I had no idea about that. It's just very inefficient, I think.

I just don't think it's worth doing. Right, what about this one then from The Salt Star? I don't know where salt is, but it's in the US somewhere. Beauty contests will be unnecessary as there will be so many beautiful people that it will be impossible to select winners. The same applies to baby contests. Agree.

Massively agree. Just taking the flyer. I love to know. I love the fact that even back in the day, people were just like, fuck, I'm on a deadline here. Definitely. I'll make that a cup. Yeah.

I mean, i think you would probably say that even because like miss there's a story about miss world recently i think the first filipino american has won the miss america i think and then i think there's a trans woman in charge of miss world and that's important too and and and there's just a lot of chat about Miss World at the moment. But Miss World people, they always look,

like people who win Miss World, they never look like kind of runway or high fashion models, do they? They look like the prettiest girl in the town rather than anything else.

I know what you mean. You know, it's a certain look and I'm not judging in any way but it's just interesting that they don't look like film stars stars they look like glamorous people from the town if that makes any sense it's a certain look that they've got it's perfect makes perfect sense uh i want to i want to just do a couple more because there's loads of these but uh this one

i'll do i'll do a more kind of traditional one and i'll do like a just a completely fucking mad one so indianapolis times uh in uh 1923 uh scientists say that a century from now the average length of human life will be 300 years wow um yeah quite a change it says in the uh in the article and then um this that's kind of a kind of average one you normally get isn't it people say oh yeah life expectancy blah blah um although i i had on eureka which which is one of our excellent sister shows with my dr michael brooks and rick edwards that someone was saying on that an expert they had on that a while back was saying that the person the first person to live to 200 has probably already been born oh is that real is that true though that seems excessive that seems like i don't i mean

because it doesn't increase that quickly does it i mean what have we increased in the last hundred years i think it's to do with genetic coding and the fact that right like gene editing and stuff is a thing now isn't it i do find that oh what so you can edit out all the bad stuff but i also like that i also like the um the expert who said that very well knows that himself and everyone listening to that podcast will all be dead by the time it happens anyway so if it doesn't exactly yeah and the final one is that um and this i this is again from the salt star which i'm starting to believe might be like a fucking parody paper or something. But apparently not. Check this one out, right?

So they've obviously asked a journalist to write what he thinks, and it will be a he because it was 1923, what the world will be like in 2023. And this is what he came up with, right? right kidney cozies will be worn to protect the kidneys on chilly days just the same as a teapot in the north is kept warm by a tea cozy right get another job okay you've you've gone man you're not you're not mad with power sunshine you're not having that assignment again i don't trust you to cover any journalism on that basis what is that what are they what what yeah good stuff um i'm a big fan of that it's absolute nonsense if you if you what if you're interested in that kind of thing paul is very good on twitter i recommend him as a follow yeah there's loads of

he's got the thread is about 500 um things long uh he's basically found what the point he's making i suppose is that absolutely everything has been predicted. Yeah. Um, in a hundred years time. Yeah. I suppose it doesn't really matter because, um,

because you know, no one's going to be around to fucking check. Um, and there was also one I saw which said, oh, you know, by 2023, a plane flight from Chicago to London will be a mere 18 hours, which I thought was quite cute.

That is adorable, isn't it? Oh yeah, I wish it was because I just love flying so much. All right, we're going to

take a short break and then we're back with some batteries because we're the Battery Boys. We're back with Luke and Pete

show. It is Thursday, so of course we are doing batteries. If you've got in touch with your batteries, thank you very

much. If you missed out this time, don't worry. We'll go through the backlog and see if we can pull out some

absolute doozies. Hello to Lee. Hi, guys. I found these in a B&B remote control. I hope they are a new player. Gritties. Gritty. The brand Gritty. Are these new players, Lukey? What are you using, Peter? I don't think I've ever seen them. I think I'd

know if there was some gritty in my compartment, so to speak. Lee, I'm sorry to say, my friend, you are, I think, the 35th person to send gritties in. Really? Wow. I don't remember those at all. First time they were sent in was on the 15th of November, 2017. Yeah, before we did the show, which is weird.

Greg says, Gents, please find my letters entry attached. Also, why isn't the battery list available online as a google sheets or something so that we can check before submission thanks uh my submission is a nine volt from gold peak uh i'll let you uh deal with uh why hasn't some admin happened uh because i'm not going to get involved either way no i don't think that um that's the problem is it became a thing organically. Yeah.

And then it was far too late to catch up. So if anyone wants to go back through all the episodes and do one, do a spreadsheet, we'll happily take it as a donation. But also if we do do that and people are consulting it before they send them in, we'll have no content. Yeah. And also I think out of all of that,

like as podcast producers stack, we are, we're data rich, but we don't analyze that data enough. And that's kind of, we're making steps to, to, to analyze that.

I think it will be a waste of time to set our data people on to compiling a big, big battery list for, for your delectation. Just send them in. If you've got a story behind them, we'll have a bit of a giggle. Yeah, I agree.

It's, it's not about the winning. It's about the taking part, isn't it, Luke? Definitely. Absolutely. Right. And Greg, I appreciate you getting in touch with your gold peak battery. we'll have a bit of a giggle and we'll give you a foot it's not about the winning it's about the taking part isn't it Luke definitely absolutely right and Greg I appreciate you getting in touch

with your gold peak battery I'm afraid you're the second person to send those in our friend Luke Augustin sent those in on September 27th 2021 so you're not a new player there

but not a bad effort though you're only the second person kind of a dual branding as well on the side of the 9 volt battery for a smoke alarm KID yeah I was confused by that you're right never mind Graham says Kind of a dual branding as well on the side of the 9-volt battery for a smoke alarm. KID.

Yeah, I was confused by that. Yeah, you're right. Never mind. Graham says, Norma MD Long Life. I've got a battery find. It's Norma MD Long Life. I'm not optimistic that they're new players, but I might as well give it a shot.

They were found at a Canadian tyre while purchasing a radon detector. Bloody hell. PSA, check your house for radon. I think the aforementioned survey that you'd get in the UK tries to detect quite a lot of radon because there is quite a lot around the UK, but not as much in America, I think. There's a lot more radon kicking around. What's the problem with radon?

It's just radioactive. I think it can render you infertile. I think that's a lot more radon kicking around. What's the problem with radon? It's just radioactive. I think it can render you infertile. I think. I think that's the case. Well, luckily, I've been rendered infertile by my appalling lifestyle. So I don't need a detector. Let me have a look.

So essentially, what was the battery again? It was Noma MD. They are new players, Graham. Thank you very much for sending them in. A fantastic start to 2023. That's lung cancer. Another new player. Congratulations to you, Mont and me.

Speaking of surveys on houses, oh yeah, if you want to send your batteries in, hello at lukeandpete.com. We'll do another round next Thursday, as is the custom. Speaking of surveys, I've started to think that house buying surveys are completely pointless,

like totally pointless we said this on the show I think two weeks ago I'm starting to dealing with rising damp in the back room as we speak trying to

crack in my living room yeah exactly I was telling my partner about the engineer man who said that he went to a house that had a big hole in the, a big crack in the wall that you get your fish through. He said you could put your hand in it, yeah.

I'd hide secrets in there. He was showing off as well. He was just plaster over it, yeah. He was just showing off, man. He was like, yeah, listen, you think that's a bad crack? Fucking get a load of this, mate. That's that's after um i mean my hands are so small you can kind of yeah that's what that's what was weird when he pulled his hands out of his pockets they were like it's like a little kendall hand a little ant's hand yeah yeah but i was thinking put it down he could put it down a roll plug i was thinking to myself myself the other day that I quite like the idea of a job

where you get to go into people's houses. What, like burglar? Well, I wouldn't do a crime. It sounds like you're up for it. I'm just interested in how other people live. I had a really good idea for a podcast a while back, which was posing as a rich person, right? Being mic'd up, maybe you and an accomplice.

So you'd pose as a rich couple or something, you and a fellow, like a female broadcaster, and you'd go into these really nice houses and pretend you wanted to buy them, but then record everything that's happening. Is that legal? Yeah, I mean, I guess you're just? Yeah, I mean, I guess you're just window shopping, I suppose, and there could be some argument to say

that you are a man of means and could buy a house, I suppose, yeah. But are you allowed to record it in secret? Oh, no, no, you're not allowed to record it in secret. Well, it's not a fucking branch of a podcast, is it? You can't record it in the audio. Don't get annoyed, it's just a stupid idea, it doesn't have legs. Unbelievable. Why can't I think of a legal idea? Why can't I think of a legal idea? Why can't I think of a legal idea?

Talking to our legal representation. Sorry. Why can't I think of a legal idea? All my ideas are great, but they're illegal. Yeah. That's the problem. I thought that would be a really good podcast.

People would like that. No, I think they would too. And I think, but the problem is you'd have to be kind of like, it's very annoying that you would be walking around this house sort of having a chat to the people who are selling the house. But it would be quite strange that you would be having,

everyone would be in the know and they wouldn't be in the know. So then there's that kind of like, you're almost doing like a crank call really, aren't you? I'm not looking to exploit the people who are selling the house because they won't be there when it's a rich house it'll just be the

estate agent won't it yeah okay no one's going to shed a tear about that are they no they're really not

uh Lukey Moore um we're probably going to have to wrap up this uh this episode uh not because of any sort of time constraints or

anything but uh there's a literal fire alarm going on at Stack HQ so uh once again the cafe's burnt the uh burnt the old toast

for fuck's sake that's my new toaster. That's your new toaster on the go. So we have been. The Luke and Pete show. A very flammable Pete Donaldson signing off for another day. Get out of there before they catch you. We'll be back on

Monday with no battery brands, but hopefully the building will be still with us. I mean, this building, honestly, it's every few weeks that studio costs about 40 grand save it at all costs how much they must spend on fines can you spray the studio with foam before you leave the building

I will do alright have a good one be safe everyone bye bye stay safe cool sweet Oh, sweet. I'll see you in a bit, Luke. Bye. See you, mate. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.