The Luke and Pete Show - Who's going to tell Busta Rhymes?

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

Happy Thursday! It's time for some more tales from the broadcasting front line, courtesy of our eponymous heroes. On this episode, we first take in what it's like to work in a non-traditional office, ...before Pete sings the praises of the humble rice cooker, and Luke runs the rule over haircut etiquette.We also take the time to double check that Pete wasn't mentioned in the Pandora Papers, hear about a listener who had his flip-flop stolen by an unlikely thief, and end on an evisceration of one of the world's most successful authors.Bring your dinner: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. It is a Thursday, the 7th of October, lucky number 11. I'm Pete Donaldson, I'm joined by Mr. Luke Moore, and Luke, you are looking resplendent with your lovely, freshly cut hair. You have a surprising amount of haircuts, I think. My hair grows very fast. Tidy hair, very tidy hair. If I had to choose what on my body grows the fastest, it would be my double chin followed by my hair. My hair.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Maybe you could kind of just grow like a circular under chin beard that starts from your hair, like one big dreadlock that goes underneath your chin. A chin strap? Keeps it all in. Yeah, like a chin strap. Keeps it all in check. I generally, I start as a book my next haircut
Starting point is 00:00:58 when I get my haircut, if that makes sense. So I haven't got to worry about it. And I bang it straight into the calendar while I'm there and it just pops up in my calendar and I's go there yeah it's easy who was worrying about that just go and walk in and go can i have an haircut where do you go because the problem is the problem is i go to a place in west norwood which annoyingly where i live which annoyingly now has become really fashionable and you can't fucking get a haircut now. You have to wait weeks. My hair grows so fast. Salt Bae's hair emporium.
Starting point is 00:01:30 So I end up going to get my hair cut by Salt Bae and he sprinkles all the hair dry shampoo off his elbow. Off his elbow. Onto my hair and then every time he cuts around the back he goes, wow. In my ear. And he's so short that he can't even reach the top bits
Starting point is 00:01:46 that's just like a no it's like your roof of hair um it's anyway i do i appreciate you saying that i've had my hair cut 30 recently i normally get it cut every 10 to 12 weeks um i can remember and pete this might have been in your time at well, at Capital Radio. The Capital Radio building in Leicester Square had a load of different stations in it. I'm sure it still does. They're probably called completely different things now. But one day I was there and Jay-Z was there, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Jay-Z was in there visiting Choice, I think, which was the hip-hop and R&B station then. I don't know what it's called now. Anyway, Capital Extra I think it's called now. Anyway, Capital Extra, I think it's called now. Whatever. Capital Extra. Jay-Z was there, and I was leaving the same time
Starting point is 00:02:32 Jay-Z and all his people were leaving, and I noticed that he had a hairdresser with him. Yeah. Yeah, I can understand. I mean, he's Jay-Z, though, isn't he? I quite like that. I quite liked it. Jay-Z, though, isn't he? I quite like that. I quite liked it. So it was like, is it hair and makeup or just hair?
Starting point is 00:02:50 I think, no, he was like a traditional-looking barber with all the stuff in the bag. And I've also heard... Towel over the arm. Yeah, I've also heard... No, the reason I knew he was a hairdresser is he kept asking Jay-Z where he was going on his holidays. Yeah, something for the weekend.
Starting point is 00:03:05 And he had a big jar of barbicide he was spilling everywhere. Yeah, like in a pint glass. Yeah. And I've also heard that, I haven't witnessed this one firsthand, but I think I've seen it on telly and I've heard certainly a number of people say that back in the day, Floyd Money Mayweather used to do the same. So that's what I'm going for. It's a natural progression.
Starting point is 00:03:24 At the moment, I'm on every 10 weeks weeks as i get richer and richer and more successful i'm going to keep getting it done quicker and quicker and quicker till i get to the point where i don't leave the house without a hairdresser with me yeah i think the i think you've got to remember the uh a lot of like rappers and stuff they have and boxing professionals they have a lot of um they have a massive entourage anyway you may as well have some of that entourage actually having a fucking job to do instead of just hanging around surely yeah can i can i also say that um this is quite a good story i don't know if i can say it but you might have to bleep out the name maybe it'd be fine um it'd be fine yeah i when i once worked
Starting point is 00:03:59 at a record label um it was there was talk of big like swinging cuts to budgets right and I was sat in a meeting where they were talking about how they had to cut back on different budgets and there was lots of different things like you know we're going to have to do this, we're going to have to do that a few people are going to have to re-interview for their jobs all that kind of stuff. You know you get the impression
Starting point is 00:04:20 like big companies at any one moment some department are re-interviewing for their jobs because they're endlessly streamlining right that's what it feels like to me it's certainly been the case in a lot of places i've worked i was this record label a big label uh owned by a big company it was a major label and there was having this one of these meetings and what broke out was one of the most bizarre um conversations i ever been party to. I wasn't in the conversation because I was a lowly marketing assistant
Starting point is 00:04:48 or coordinator or something, but I was in the room. I was also in the room with about eight other people as the lowliest person there, tea maker, when there was an intimate listening session of the second Scissor Sisters album with the whole of the Scissor Sisters and about four or five people at the record
Starting point is 00:05:06 label. I remember you saying was Baby Daddy there? Was Animatronic? They're all there. Jake Shears, I told you he's one of the most handsome looking blokes I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. It was a very intense experience. Jake Shears. Yeah. Anyway, that's another story. I've probably told that one before. This was the same company, so I'm sure people who give a shit can probably
Starting point is 00:05:22 find out which one it was. So I was sat there when they talked about this and someone said to someone else well i mean someone's gonna have to tell buster rhymes about his entourage and there we go i was like what he's like yeah i mean he's always bringing loads of people over whenever he comes but you can't tell him we can't pay for that anymore and they both really didn't want to tell buster rhymes that he couldn't bring all these people with him. And I wish in some ways I was there on the follow-up conversation when one of them rang him or something and said, if you want to come over with all these people next time, you're going to have to pay for them yourself. But I wasn't sadly part of that bit.
Starting point is 00:05:56 But that was the major concern for a handful of people in the room about Buster Rhymes' entourage. So all I'm saying is these things are talked about in the real world. They have real world ramifications for some people's budget lines. I think that... I mean, I'm not going to bleep that because at the end of the day,
Starting point is 00:06:14 you sound the NDA, not us. I don't think I saw anything. I don't think they gave a shit back then. No, I guess not, no. But I bet Buster Rhymes, though, he's got quite a hoarse voice at the best of times he always sounds it sounds like he's either currently shouting or he's been shouting he'd been to football or something yeah he always sounds quite gruff so i don't know whether you'd
Starting point is 00:06:36 know whether that man was upset or not it was it was it was well that's true i mean i guess maybe he comes across as always being upset it was i mean without being too kind of name dropping about it and i'll try and keep it brief it was a really bizarre job because you would i mean i mean people who haven't worked in that kind of line of work who are listening i cannot stress this enough and we got used to a bit of capital radio where i was before because it happened there as well um i would be sat at my desk right typing away in the in the open plan bit of the office. And the important people had offices all around the border, right? So they had their own offices with glass fronts.
Starting point is 00:07:11 And I honestly remember sitting there, tapping away at my keyboard, usual shit, looked up because I was vaguely aware of someone standing outside the office next to my desk. And it was fucking Lenny Kravitz. Right, yeah yeah it's just weird that kind of stuff happens it happened the black-eyed peas were in at one point just knocking about um i had a desk next to um singer songwriter james morrison less impressive but even so um and it was quite a weird thing to get used to the um i think there's two parts to that. So you at the radio, you've got all those stories about Lenny Kravitz and stuff. I remember at XFM, HardFi, all three of them,
Starting point is 00:07:53 using the same computer to Google some stuff, which I thought was a humorous image. But also, I guess on the record company level, you talk about acts as entities rather than people so the very idea that you would have to explain to buster rhymes that he had to um shore up his uh tidy up his jake sheer his uh entourage a little bit is weird because you usually talk to him as a commodity usually talk to him as a commodity as an entity rather than the man who has a lot of friends who come over on a on business class flights i remember i remember um i'm not
Starting point is 00:08:30 going to say who this was because it's probably a bit unfair but i remember being in the meeting as well where they were talking about how what would be really great for the promotion of a new album by this particular artist would be for them to write a newspaper article about some kind of issue and they were sitting there around saying well we can't fucking do that because the guy can't even write a sentence i mean it'll be i'll have to write it myself article about some kind of issue. And they would sit in there and say, well, we can't fucking do that because the guy can't even write a sentence. I mean, I'd have to write it myself and he'd have to put his name to it and that would take me ages. And it was quite weird
Starting point is 00:08:52 because you're used to seeing them as like legends and you find some kind of trivia about them which is quite negative or quite kind of weird or whatever it may be. And it's a bit strange. I remember at Capital Radio, we were also squeezing into a lift with the entirety of motley crew oh man i don't i think they might not smell nice i mind you they're quite la aren't they so they probably smelled of nice massage oils my first feeling and i still remember
Starting point is 00:09:17 this now was oh there's a lot going on in here there's a lot going on none of them are carrying anything but there's a lot going on i feel really claustrophobic even though i've been in this lift with this amount of people before and it's been fine with these guys it feels quite claustrophobic uh it was obviously weird anyway anyway anyway that's enough of that um i'm just making a note of all this stuff to see which stuff we can say and which stuff we can't um i think that's all right i think oh it's fine probably fine speaking of things that are probably which stuff we can say and which stuff we can't. I think that's all right. Oh, it's fine. Probably fine. Speaking of things that are probably fine and we can talk about them, have you checked your own name?
Starting point is 00:09:50 Have you done a name search check for you in the Pandora papers? I haven't. Are you one of the hundred billionaires? There's just a lot of terabytes of data to download, to be honest. I've got a very limited broadband connection. It's going to take me all day to download, and then I'm going to have to search all of the Peter Donaldsons to see if I'm named, unfortunately.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I'm genuinely worried that some of my offshore investments are going to be uncovered, to be quite frank. I think the real news story is being missed here. I think if you are a billionaire, you are paying for a level of service and you've been let down there. Well, a lot of the... With all the will in the world,
Starting point is 00:10:34 you are well within your rights to ask for a refund on that service. Oh, massively. And what I like about these, is it the Pandora Papers this time? So the Panama Papers, then there's one in the middle and there's the Pandora Papers.
Starting point is 00:10:42 The Paradise was the one in the middle. Yes, Paradise. So a lot of the Pandora Papers are just are just people going yeah we're going to leave this service why because of the panda because of the first set of panama papers and it's like that conversation is in that fucking email so it's hilarious oh i feel i feel very sorry for the caribbean nation of bermuda they weren't named as the Bermuda Papers. They get none of the press because it doesn't begin with a P. So they changed it to Paradise Papers. That is true.
Starting point is 00:11:10 That is true. But I just worry about my investments. I recently bought a rice cooker because coming off a holiday, you always sort of look down at your stomach, your tanned sunburned stomach, and you sort of say, that doesn't necessarily need to be there, does it? And you i'm gonna go on a bit of a diet i'm gonna eat rice instead of potatoes which presumably might be just a little bit better for me but i bought a rice cooker
Starting point is 00:11:34 i'm currently looking on facebook marketplace in uh in benfleet and canvey island there's a set of bagpipes for sale for 500 quid there's a bongoongo drum for 25 quid and also a very old coin. This is the Pete Papers. This really is. I mean, there's just so much stuff here. A Borson's head, a sort of reproduction of a Borson's smiling head from 1988.
Starting point is 00:11:58 They want 30 quid for that. Some wonderful, wonderful, aspirational price points. You know, Jules Breach, our friend and colleague Jules Breach, she absolutely swears by the rice cooker. She says the first thing she buys when she moves to a new house is a rice cooker. Oh, you just have it bubbling away, making rice every day.
Starting point is 00:12:19 I don't think I've ever even seen one. But you've got to get a good one. You've got to get a good one. You've got to get a good one. You can't just buy like a cheap $10 one and just expect it to keep your rice in fine fettle all day. I just want one that you stick on in the morning and you've got rice for the rest of the day. Tip it out in the evening, more rice in the morning.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Is that how it works? Lovely. Yeah, it just keeps it warm and it keeps it kind of fluffy and light. Proper, like Japanese rice cooked rice is fucking yeah. At the risk of alienating and even offending the rice enthusiasts
Starting point is 00:12:53 among our listenership. The only rice I ever really eat is just the stuff you get in the microwave that you can do for two minutes. And it's always bang on. Yeah, yeah. No, it is always bang on. They do some wonderful work. Similar principle as much. It's a box of steam really, yeah. No, it is always bang on. They do some wonderful work. Similar principle, I suppose. It's just a box of steam, really, isn't it? The rice is a little bit soggy.
Starting point is 00:13:09 You heat it up, and it basically just steams the rice, doesn't it, I suppose? I can't remember the last time I cooked rice in a pan because I just feel like the effort to reward ratio is kind of skewed. Only because it's just the proportions, isn't it? Like the cup to rice thing is just quite confusing.
Starting point is 00:13:25 You still have to do a little bit of that with the rice cooker, but it does it perfectly. And it tests the moisture in the pan, and it's like this slow cooker thing. If you like congee, a sort of rice porridge you can make where you just heat it and heat it and heat it until it's like this kind of ricey porridge.
Starting point is 00:13:40 That's beautiful. That's wonderful. You can make that in a rice cooker. Oh, mate, I'm really looking forward to this rice cooker do you know what you just reminded me of um you've reminded me of the fact that so i think even when i've cooked rice that's not been microwaved i've done it in one of those bags in the water in the pan right yeah okay that's fair okay yeah so i mean i'm not really a um an expert in any way shape or form and maybe i just need look the beauty of this is you're never going to be busted
Starting point is 00:14:11 in some kind of pandora papers expose because your stuff's all out there your darkest secrets are already out there mate you know it's a little tax deductible mate because i mentioned it on the on here exactly all right donaldson look before we go to a break, I do want to say, because I mentioned on Monday that... Okay. I watched a couple of movies. I watched The Many Saints of Newark. Now, what is the... Oh, is that the Tony Soprano thing?
Starting point is 00:14:39 The Sopranos prequel, yes. Yes, okay. Any good? I only found out that... Someone mentioned it to me. I never really, I never really considered it. The reason it's called that title.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Why is it called that title? Have you seen the Sopranos? Yes. So, you know, so basically Christopher Moltisanti is one of the main characters in the Sopranos, right? And the many saints of Newark is a prequel to The Sopranos
Starting point is 00:15:05 and it's basically the story of the Moltisanti family, right? Right. Moltisanti in Italian means many saints. Yeah. That's where it comes from. And an absolute mind-blowing fact, Donaldson, that you are going to absolutely love. Do you know who plays the main character
Starting point is 00:15:21 in The Many Saints of Newark? Is it Tony Soprano's son? No, it isn't. What? Oh. Right, okay. Is it James Gandolfini's son then? No, he's not the main part in it, mate.
Starting point is 00:15:35 He's not the main part? The main part in it is Dickie Moltisanti played by only the bastard guy from Goal, Alessandro Nivola, the guy who plays bloody Gavin Harris in Goal. Gavin Harris in Goal. That's sweet. Because he eked out a little bit of a career,
Starting point is 00:15:57 didn't he, old Gavin Harris? Well, he's got a fucking bigger one now. My goodness me. He's really good in it as well. Does he play a proper naughty footballer who talks like this
Starting point is 00:16:08 I didn't even know it was him until someone mentioned it afterwards I didn't make the connection but I also oh that's smashing I thought it was a
Starting point is 00:16:15 brilliant movie if you've if you enjoy the Sopranos which I presume you do if you've seen it you should enjoy it if you don't
Starting point is 00:16:21 please turn the show off and never listen to it ever again it's a great prequel to that. The end was brilliant. I'm not going to give any spoilers away, but the final act of that movie was bloody excellent. I really, really enjoyed it.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Does he say, you fuck? You fuck? That's all I remember from The Sopranos. He was just saying, you fuck, all the time. You've watched The US Office six times through and you can't remember anything about The Sopranos. I'm on my seventh, Luke. We started it again. It's an illness, but it's just, I think it's just,
Starting point is 00:16:50 it's a little comfort pillow, if indeed that is a thing, that just gets you ready for sleep. You watch 20-minute office, you're out like a light. Love it. But yeah, we're starting it again. It's my seventh run through. That's obscene. Couldn't tell you anything about it because you know what my memory's like. Speaking of that, yeah, it's like watching again. My seventh run through. That's obscene. Couldn't tell you this thing about it
Starting point is 00:17:05 because you know what my memory's like. Speaking of that, yeah, it's like watching something for the first time every time. Speaking of that, have you started watching Squid Game yet? I haven't, no. It's one of those ones where
Starting point is 00:17:16 we don't have enough time to watch television together, me and the partner I have access to. And so I have even less time to watch stuff by myself. But it's just, Sarah saw the trailer the trailer went not for me the wifi i've access to in me i really enjoy it we're watching it together it's brilliant i genuinely think it's really good i i always get quite cynical about oh it's the most watched show on netflix everyone loves it it's brilliant
Starting point is 00:17:40 whatever because part of me just gets cynical and thinks oh yeah but they're just saying that i'm fine it's always good though isn't it it's never terrible it's always fucking good honestly it's brilliant whatever because part of me just gets cynical and thinks oh yeah but they're just saying that i'm fine it's always good though isn't it it's never terrible it's always fucking good honestly it's the latest in a long line of things from netflix i've really enjoyed um i don't know how it's going to end i'm about five episodes in don't spoil me if you're listening to this now i probably won't have finished it by the time this show comes out but it is very very good if you're thinking about watching it but but you haven't partaken yet, the nights are drawing in, it's getting colder,
Starting point is 00:18:07 presumably if you're in the Northern Hemisphere, so get stuck in. It's well worth it. Is it a spoiler to explain why it's called Squid Game? No, because I think that makes it very clear in the very opening montage of the first episode. Right, okay. Why is it called Squid Game then?
Starting point is 00:18:25 Oh, okay, sorry. I thought you were going to tell me um i think it's just based because it's based around um games that children as far as i know i haven't seen the whole thing based about games that children played in in south korea as kids and um and um and in the actual show i don't think it's a spoiler to say that they um that's what they do in the show in the game so there's don't think it's a spoiler to say that that's what they do in the show, in the game. There's one game that's very much like the British What Time Is It, Mr. Wolf? Yes, exactly that. Something different.
Starting point is 00:18:53 They call it Red Light, Green Light, yeah. I loved What Time Is It, Mr. Wolf, Luke. I think that's one of my favourite games ever. It's just the excitement, the freedom the Games Master has to influence the game, the sheer panic, the rolled ankles, the screams, the Ferrari. I love What Time Is It, Mr. Wolf? Because it's the inevitability that it will end at some point and it will be dinner time.
Starting point is 00:19:20 What happens at the end in the game? So I don't mean in the show, but in What Time Is It, Mr.. Wolf when you played it as a kid? If you made it to Mr. Wolf, what happened? Oh, I don't... You know what? I'm not sure. Because nobody ever did,
Starting point is 00:19:33 because you'd know if someone was behind you, wouldn't you? So yeah, I don't actually know. Is it... Yeah. If someone knows what time Mr. Wolf ended or any weird derivations, deviations that you played, do let us know. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com.
Starting point is 00:19:52 All right, on that note, let's go to a break. When we come back, we'll do some battery brands, as is the tradition. And we'll clear up this week's emails as well, because there's a few more left to go. So stick around and we'll see you in a minute. It's the Luke and Pete Show. Oh, wrapping up a little bit of admin. we can't talk about my holiday next week um luke have you ever read a
Starting point is 00:20:09 james patterson book i haven't no i don't think there's enough time in the day is there very very very popular 600 million fortune he seems to write a book every five minutes um there was a there was a there was a grubby little um paperback in the um in the in the in the pool library as I was relaxing. And I sort of leafed through it, read the whole thing. What a piece of shit. You know, you just assume that people writing fiction are good because it's been published. Because there's so many people who write stuff and they have to self-publish or they can't get a publisher.
Starting point is 00:20:48 But this guy, if that's some of his better work, or indeed even some of his worse work, that is astonishingly bad stuff, Luke. Just bad. He was written by Alan Partridge. He's incredible. You and I differ on this, though, because i'm kind of just generally in favor of anyone who doesn't read should be reading right right it's an amazing thing it gives you a lot of skills um a lot some
Starting point is 00:21:15 tangible some intangible um i genuinely i mean without being too earnest and and all this kind of stuff there's nothing better to me than it and i like like it. So even when people read like Dan Brown books, I'm not one of these people who kind of roll their eyes on the tube and go, what the fuck are you reading that for? No. I'm like, great, good for you. The only thing I know about James Patterson,
Starting point is 00:21:33 there's two things I know. One is that he wrote Kiss the Girls, which was adapted into that Morgan Freeman film, which I vaguely remember being okay, but I can't remember too much about it. He's like a thriller writer, right? Yeah, and he writes a lot with other people. He writes with like police detectives. He's just wrote a book with bill clinton i think not
Starting point is 00:21:50 not that long ago which is about the president being kidnapped or something and it's i just i'm just astonished if you look at if you look at james patterson's bibliography right he's probably extensive yeah he's probably gonna to have written over 500 books right but i think i think i think some of them were written by ai because the one i read was possibly written by ai logic and common sense would dictate that he's not going to have written all those because it's impossible right it's like when you see romesh ranganathan on tv right i've got no problem with him i don't know him i'm sure he's great um and he's lovely i'm sure he's a lovely fella but if he's doing
Starting point is 00:22:30 10 shows at once which he always seems to be doing don't be surprised if at least a handful of them are shit because he's not got the time to do them right he's just doing them it's just like a production line it'll be the same with this the other fact i would say that i know about james patterson which i think is really actually a feather in his cap is i'm pretty sure he funded financed and exec produced all that stuff that documentary for example about jeffrey epstein which eventually ended up with all the stuff that ended up with because i think he was a resident of the same town that jeffrey epstein lived in right as he was in the vanguard of bringing all that stuff to light and bringing him to justice, I think.
Starting point is 00:23:08 So Patterson is very community and charitably minded. He set up so many foundations about... And I only read up on him because I was astonished about how weak-sauced the book was. I was just surprised, that's all. Look, if anyone's a Pat Patterson, a big fan of Pat Pat's,
Starting point is 00:23:30 can you email in? Let me know what the best book is. And then I can read that and not be quite so astonished at where that's, you know, how weird that was. I think you're right. Cause also he was also really poor in those Twilight films. Let's go to emails.
Starting point is 00:23:46 Hello at LukeandPeach.com. Oh, no, we've got to do batteries first. We've got to do batteries. Batteries, please. Are you in the position to be able to do the search, mate? Yes, I think I am. You should be able to because you just logged me out of the email, so you better be able to be.
Starting point is 00:23:58 I didn't, mate. Someone did. Oh, Trubbett Mill. Is there a ghost in our house? You ready? Yes yes come on down dominic blocks him um he's sent in and i'm pretty sure i know the answer to this and you might not even need to search but young dominic hello to you friend of the show now because you've got in touch and got on the show our friend dominic has sent in some pear deer batteries now i'm pretty sure oh my mate now old-fashioned get fucked is that what you're saying it's pear deer one word or two words one word one word in it some people have
Starting point is 00:24:34 actually written uh them as two words we've had those one two three four five like over 20 times i'm so sorry you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. Next up. Sorry, Dominic. Thomas Monk. Great name. Tommy Monk. Monkey. Monkey. Monko. He's sent in some Warriors.
Starting point is 00:24:53 I think we may have had Warriors quite early on, you know. Warriors. Yeah. Quite a lot of those. But Warriors, quite a popular. Paul Williams got in touch not sure if they've yet featured on the show
Starting point is 00:25:08 yes they have Terracotta Warriors that is un the ultimate warrior yeah probably not as not as many as Pear Dears
Starting point is 00:25:17 but enough enough yeah okay and shout out to Luke who sent in some Raymax they're not new players shout out to in our shadow who sent inmax. They're not new players. Shout out to In Our Shadow who sent in Nan Feng.
Starting point is 00:25:28 They're not real new players either. Striking out this week. Yeah, it's not much new material coming in. So do keep sending your suggestions in. But sadly, so far, no new players this week. Maybe next week will be different. All right, let's do some emails. Peter, do you want to do one
Starting point is 00:25:48 or do you want me to do one? You stick one in the ear hole, please. I want to do one because I think you'll like this one. This is from Ben. He says, hi guys, this will be my third, maybe fourth submission.
Starting point is 00:25:57 So maybe this one will make the cut. I was staying in a lodge in, I think that's pronounced Fifi in Thailand when I awoke to the sound of banging on the window. I assumed it was the owner of the establishment and that I'd overslept, which was a regular occurrence on my trip. Imagine my surprise
Starting point is 00:26:13 when I saw a gibbon outside the window holding one of my flip-flops. The gibbon continued to bang on the window until I got up to open the door, at which point he scarpered into the jungle with my flip-flop. Not only did he steal it, he just wanted me to know that he had seen it and stolen it.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Absolute cretin, Ben. I thought you'd like that one, Peter. Is it fair to say that that is so far up my street it's opened a corner shop? Because that is just something else. Just wanted you to know. I love that. Oi! Oi! I've got you. Oi! Cunt, wake up. I've got this. See ya.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Bye. To be fair to him, I think the gibbon wanted to say if I don't do this, you're going to wake up, one of your flip-flops is going to be missing and you'll just never know. And there's the closure. You won't have the closure. You just sort of worry that there's a lot of things that gibbons have stolen. People didn't know it was a gibbon and they went absolutely astonished and surprised and enchanted
Starting point is 00:27:08 by the very image of a Gibbon running around with something that they owned. It would have been incredible. I would love to see it. I can't think of a single thing in this room or my house that I wouldn't be delighted by a Gibbon stealing. And I include money, wallets, mobile phone, they can have it. Just take it.
Starting point is 00:27:27 The gibbon community don't even operate a currency, so I mean, nothing to do with the money. I mean, the thing that annoys me about this is the double standards
Starting point is 00:27:33 because when I get home to my house in West Norwood at two in the morning and wake up the wife I have access to because a gibbon has stolen my keys, no one believes me.
Starting point is 00:27:41 That is true though. You do drink a lot of Orangy Boom which is known to make people hallucinate anyway I don't think there's any better way to end the show this week than that
Starting point is 00:27:50 so thank you very much to everyone listening thank you particularly to Ben whose name is Ben White apparently so I'm hoping he's the Arsenal
Starting point is 00:27:57 centre back who had a Gibbon Steelers flip flops I suspect not though thank you if you have got in touch with us this week but also thank you if you've listened.
Starting point is 00:28:06 We much appreciate it. Do please tell your pals if you've enjoyed what you've heard and leave us a review, a five-star review, wherever you get your pods. It does help the show immensely and enormously. We'll be back on Monday for more of this. Pete, it's been a pleasure. I take it there's been no reply on the walkie-talkie
Starting point is 00:28:23 across the week since Monday? Nothing. No, nothing. Nothing. We live in hope. Maybe I'll try 7. 7? Channel 7? Yeah. Keep a watching brief on it. I'll keep a watching brief. Alright, and we'll see you next time. Thank you very much and stay safe. Look after yourself
Starting point is 00:28:37 and each other. And Pete, as I told you on Monday, take care.

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