The Luke and Pete Show - Woolly Mammoth Lollipops

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

On today’s show, Luke and Pete are parenting - or at least attempting to - as we chat all things birth-related, with rugby players delivering babies as well as the ins and outs of umbilical cords. Also, Pete’s belly button makes a surprise guest appearance! The boys then have a mammoth of a discussion surrounding melting glaciers, spear-throwing devices, and ditching supermarket frozen foods for preserved glacial animals. Also on the show, a storm of emails featuring head injuries, rat pits, and an Aladdin's lamp replica. All in all, prepare for an eclectic mix of utter rubbish.Get involved at [e-mail]! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It's Monday and Storm, insert name here, has reached landfall here in the United Kingdom. I'm Pete Donaldson, I'm joined by Luke Moore. What Storm is it, Luke? What Storm is it? Storm Donaldson. Is it Storm D?

Storm D-Bag. Yeah. D-Bag Donnie. I heard the Wild Bagger, they've run out of names for these. Oh. Starting to run out of names. Can't they not just use names from like I don't

know marvel I think it goes alternate um male female alternate letters

uh well is there just too much weather too much problematic weather rolling about I believe so

yeah well climate change is a hoax that's what I'm hearing Chinese hoax is it

is that the Chinese virus this is quite interesting because we're doing the Monday show yeah

and then we're doing the Thursday show. Yes. But we're recording the Thursday show early so by the time the Thursday show comes out we'll be in lockdown. The American election will have happened and we'll be in lockdown. Yes, interesting.

So Monday record as we're about to do now will be fine. Yeah. Thursday might be a little more problematic. Trying to be able to talk about our own trousers. My dad was very annoyed that the odds on Trump getting in were very short

compared to the amount of money he was willing to put on it. He really thinks it's going to happen. Two horse racer, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. It's 50-50, isn't it, Dad? So, I mean, that will be adjusted accordingly. But yes, so on Thursday,

we'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes. So what I've detected this morning being in work, because we are not in lockdown yet, and also we are broadcasters, so we're allowed to come in as long as we keep our social distancing and everything. So that explains why we're both in today.

But I've detected just generally among people I'm talking to that this second lockdown has hit people... Really hard. Yeah, in a slightly different way, because I think we know, because we've already been through one, we know what it was kind of like. And so I don't mean this in a disrespectful way at all,

so don't take my words out of context. I know you won't, Pete, but the listeners. There was a certain amount of excitement around the first one, because it just naturally, because it's a new thing. It's a new thing, right? So people don't know what to expect. This could be a bit different. Now people know because it, just naturally, because it's a new thing. It's a new thing, right? So people don't know what to expect.

This could be, this could be a bit different. Now people know that it's just boring and dangerous for people and all the rest of it. The idea just before Christmas as the nights are drawing in

and it's getting a little bit colder that we're going to have to do this for at least another month. I think it's hit people really hard. Yeah, but also, surely you're not going into the unknown.

You've got that bit of youse if you can do your work from home. Some people don't, don't do they well that's the thing that i've spoke about it before i think um this will be a net loss for everyone uh being able to and having to work from home uh as as more offices shut down in the future even when we've uh discovered a vaccine for the bloody thing uh but yeah do you do you not think that people are kind of prepared for a little bit more people know that there'll always be toilet roll if people are sensible about it. Well, there haven't been. I've heard that already people are getting involved with the toilet roll business.

How much do people poop? I mean, I know you can't really take into account anything that comes out of the man's mouth. But Boris Johnson even said at the weekend, essential shops will remain open. There is no need to stock up yeah but people are still doing it there's just something incredibly selfish about humanity yeah um specifically britain in my opinion um uh yeah i've i've what have i how have i changed my it's kind of business as usual for us isn't it really to a certain extent like we were doing a lot of stuff remotely anyway we're working quite a lot anyway yeah you have to

I mean you have to you have to adjust the corner I think you know one thing that another an example of or an answer to your question

about people know what to expect I mean Kate our colleague and friend made a really interesting point over the weekend as well where she said that you know

for a lot of women don't feel comfortable going out on their own after dark running it's different because in May time it was you know people

the nights sorry the evenings were brighter the clocks have already gone back here now so you're not going to be finishing work really before it gets dark

people find women will find it a lot harder to exercise all these things do come into account so look it's a real shame it's a nightmare, stay safe everyone

look after yourselves and each other as Jerry Springer would say, do we need Jerry Springer back? Is he still with us? I believe he is, I believe so do we need him back Pete was the question I knew someone who was with him for a short period of time in the biblical sense

he was also the mayor of Cincinnati he's still alive apparently I knew someone who was with him for a short period of time. In the biblical sense? In the biblical sense. Did you know that he was also the mayor of Cincinnati? Yeah, yeah, he was, yeah. He's still alive, apparently. 76 years old. Was it post-Jerry Springer he went to become the mayor of Cincinnati, or was that before? I think it was before. Was it before, right. Did you also know, this is a great fact, right, Jerry Springer, guess where Jerry Springer

was born? I think he was born in London. He was. But do you want to be more specific? Brixton. Jerry Springer was born in Highgate Tube Station. He was born in Highgate Tube Station? Yeah, because his mother and father

had fled. Planned badly. Disappointed by you, because they'd fled the Nazis. And they were taken shut off from a bombing raid, and he was born during a bombing raid. I didn't realise he was that old, did I? So I just thought they were planning it badly. I've just told you, he's 76! Planning it badly, and he got delivered in a tube station because they hadn't left enough

time to get in a car. So what? Go to the hospital. I get hospital. Do you know anything about what 1944 in London was like? No! No, exactly. Well, I should do, because that's all anybody fucking talks about is the war, isn't it?

It's like the last good thing we did. Can't stop talking about it. Jerry Springer was the mayor of Cincinnati, born in Highgate tube station, and they're not even the two main things we're all known for. Right. He's done quite a lot of stuff.

He's got some poor people to fight on the telly. Where were you born? Hospital? Yeah, yeah. Which one? Classic. Hartlepool, I think. Traditionalist.

Which is just called Hartlepool Hospital. I can't remember. It's called something. Breton just called Hartlepool Hospital. I can't remember. It's called something. Breton? Breton Hospital, maybe? I can't remember. But my friend delivered her baby under lockdown, her second baby.

She went into contractions, and the midwife was called. The midwife kind of lost the plot a bit and thought it was her first child, so she thought she had a lot more time the baby was delivered in the shower um by her sister who plays rugby so ideal i would say yeah because you got pop passing a baby out of her i mean the thing about that is if i came into the office one day and someone had recorded my show for me instead i'd feel a little bit kind of insecure about how good i was doing my job what do you mean as in

well you're a midwife and someone else has delivered a baby on your watch because I was like so what happens then because they had like they had an ambulance man came

made sure the baby was healthy is that what he called himself hi I'm the ambulance man that's me and he's just got a sorrow on his head

he hasn't got an ambulance and he and the baby's out obviously and so obviously they're waiting for the they've got He's just got a sore on his head. He hasn't got an ambulance. And the baby's out, obviously. And so obviously they're waiting for the placenta to be delivered, the afterbirth, so to speak. And yeah, then they cut the cord. And I said, do the baby have to go to the hospital?

And she went, no, why? Because the baby's healthy. It's out. I just got in the shower and then went back to bed. That's cracking that. I'll take it in to be checked yeah wouldn't you no i think i think well she's been there before she's yeah she's she's uh i just think i want to double check double check what do you mean well the

baby's alive fine i mean you wouldn't put it on you wouldn't put it hook it up to anything if it was just being born it's just being born isn't it it's fine can i ask a basic question right um never have two men sounded less like parents where do you snip the umbilical cord I think it's I think it's anywhere but you

gotta wait I think you wait a little while because you don't want to hemorrhage what happens to the rest of the umbilical cord

sorry what happens to the rest of it well you nip it first so it cuts off the blood supply and then when it's because umbilical

cords are quite disgusting looking things. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There's no veins in them, is there? But what happens to them? What do you mean? When they've been snipped, what happens to the umbilical cord? They just retract.

It just starts to kind of retract into their body. Is that true? Well, it sort of starts to... It rots the other side. The bit that doesn't have the blood supply just starts to rot. And it just gets smaller and smaller, doesn't it? Do you know that for a fact? Yeah, I'm fairly certain that's the case.

Oh, okay. What about the other end of it? Because I've got an outie belly button, and it's technically a herniated belly button. That is. Doesn't it? From a distance, doesn't it? When muscle men have a...

What's the belly button's proper name? Oh, I'm poking it now. Oh, the navel. Navel. A navel hernia, I think it's called. Right. And, yeah, herniated navel where their belly buttons pop out and i was like that that looks like my belly button

i've got i've automatically got a herniated that's quite funny because people people of that persuasion spend so much time making themselves look perfect they bronze themselves yeah muscles it will not play ball i was born in m isn't it? I was born in St Mary's Hospital. And I was born three days before SAS Who Dares Wins Man Anthony Middleton. In the same hospital. So he could have been on the same ward as me. If he's not careful, he'll be right back in the hospital.

Well, not from you. Big idiot. I asked my mum if she knew his mum because the amount of times you walked around our hometown when I was younger and my mum would say hello to a lady of a similar age

and I'd say how's that person and she'll go yeah but she said that about 40 people did your mum say that there should be a lot

more talking going on on the wards back in the day I think you spend more time in them as well I think you can spend up to a week in the maternity ward

you're off now get out of it in some cases if you've already fallen in don as well. I think you can spend up to a week in the maternity ward. Right, okay. You're off now. Get out of it. Well, in some cases, if you've already fallen, you don't even get there. I like the idea of having a baby and then just having a shower and then going back to bed. I'm knackered.

It feels like, yeah. It feels wrong, doesn't it? It feels like there should be more going on. Yeah, yeah. Have you seen one of the, I was reading this yesterday in the Sunday paper, that one of the thought about,

or I guess unintended upshots of... You could be my unintended... Who's that? Muse. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't really observe Muse. No, their first couple of albums are good

and then it's just, oh, you've gone all swampy. I don't mean to make light of bullying in school. But he has got a little face. I've spent a bit of time being bullied myself. You know, these things can happen. I don't want to make light of it. I don't want to trivialise it. But I cannot get out of my mind

the idea that the whole of muses ervra is a is based on the fact that matt benham is probably bullied at school well you reckon that that's that's the case yeah right okay so he's like he's thought up all these futuristic robots to come back and wreak revenge and he's got quite a dystopian view of the world yeah and someone said that when he did they did a massive homecoming gig somewhere down in devon, and someone I know was at the gig, and I think that he was on stage, or Mike, talking about all these people in school that we never thought he'd get this far,

and actually naming them and stuff. Brilliant. So that's part of the reason I don't really like it. Anyway. Knowing full well that a lot of them were probably at the gig. Yeah, exactly. One of the unintended parts of the huge melting of glaciers, or as our American cousins call them, glaciers,

all over the world, is that there is now a burgeoning glacial archaeology scene. Right. So what's happening is where glaciers are melting... As woolly mammoths being revealed left, right and centre. People are now finding all sorts of shit. Shit.

Like cool shit as well. Right. And people are, I mean, the article was talking specifically about the Altai Mountains in Mongolia.

And they were finding all sorts of stuff. Arrows, old bits for goats to stop them suckling on their mother's teats. Primitive shoe, what's it called? Primitive

snowshoes and horseshoes and all sorts of stuff that are, of course, because they've been in the ice, are permanently preserved. I just found that a pretty interesting thing is now, one of the things that they found, I think, maybe 10 or 15 Preserved, right. Yeah, and so I just found that a pretty interesting thing. It's now... One of the things that they found, I think,

maybe 10 or 15 years ago, was this thing called an... I think it's pronounced an atlatl, which is 10,000 years old, and it had never really... It's like a spear-throwing device. It had never even really been encountered before, and it just popped up.

Like a catapult kind of thing to launch a spear I guess so yeah how if you're if like a an animal died and isn't compressed

by thousands thousands of tons of ice and it's just in like the perm frost and it starts to melt could you eat it

could you eat an animal that's just died so when when there's when there's when they invested in woolly mammoths, there is like flesh and hair and all that stuff.

I mean, I don't see why not. Because it would be the most interesting culinary experience to sort of say, I am the first person to eat a woolly mammoth in a thousand years. Longer. Longer. I don't think they were knocking about. Yeah, but somebody could have eaten it back in the day. That's what I mean. You can't prove. To be safe, just in a thousand years. Longer. Longer. I don't think they were knocking about. Yeah, but somebody could have eaten it

back in the day. That's what I mean. You can't prove. To be safe, just say a thousand years. Because they could have eaten one out of the ice a while ago. But I think woolly mammoths went out. Yeah, but I was sure you mean.

Yeah, but I'm just being safe. I know it's a lot older than that. I think you can be bolder. I think you can go, I think you can go, apparently, so apparently, there was an isolated population I think you can go I think you can go apparently so apparently there was an isolated

population until 4,000 years ago right okay that's actually more recent than I realised yeah give it a big licks yeah sorry about that

you will be giving it a big licks of demand but that's the thing isn't it that cuts to the very heart of pretty much every male experience

or every male thought process can I eat it can I eat it or can I fuck it isn't it eat it or can I fuck it? Yeah. Isn't it? First of all, can I fuck it?

No, it's dead. Can I eat it? Because it is dead. And if the answer to both those questions is no, you're going to lose interest. Fairly quickly. Fairly quickly. Do you think you'd be a good glacial archaeologist?

Are you good in the cold weather? Yeah, I'm all right. Though I did go up to Sapporo earlier this year and it was very, very cold and I had to buy a snood from a 7-eleven that's how cold i was it'll be i mean i don't think it's a great thing that ice around the world is melting at a rate of knots like i remember reading a while back that a massive sheet sheet of ice apparently the size of actual manhattan broke off of some polarized cap the other month. That's not a good thing. But glacier archaeologists are making hay.

It's not about avoiding the storms. It's about learning to dance in the rain. And as we all drown through rising sea levels, we'll be able to have quite interesting looking hitherto unknown artefacts to enjoy at the time. Yes, we will. It's a small crumb of comfort. What would happen though though if they found proper technology what do you mean like woolly mammoth computers specifically that yeah no but

you know what i mean imagine if it melted to such an extent because permafrost right yeah um the mongolians called the land of always winter or whatever imagine if it melted to such an extent that something dating from 40,000 years ago had, it was like a computer. Yeah, I think that, I mean, that would be confusing

and exciting at the same time. First point of call would be mistake. User error. Operator error. Did you snow last night? You've just dropped

your phone in that, haven't you? Yeah. You dropped your phone in the cavity. I mean, some people, I mean, if you think of the Earth has been in, I know you don't care about this kind of stuff,

but I'm going to make you talk about it. The Earth has been around for four and a half billion years. What's it done for itself? It's got nothing to show for it. Nothing to show for it. The universe, I think, is roughly 14 billion years old. Has it ever written a book? I don't think so.

Couldn't. No. Wouldn't be able to. But what I'm saying is it could have been, there's a lot of time for people to have visited this planet before we were around. No. Wouldn't be able to. But what I'm saying is it could have been there's a lot of time for people to have visited this planet before we were around.

Yes. There's no evidence for it. No, yeah. They could have just been very tidy. Yeah. Which would show a certain amount

of intellect if they just tidied up all their filth afterwards and we just cleaned up half themselves and we're none the wiser. Exactly. Yeah, it's possible.

It's one to think about in the break which we're going to have now and when we come back we're going to have now. And when we come back, we're going to do some of your emails. WrestleMe is a show where two men

watch every WrestleMania from 1 to 37, unpicking the multicoloured threads that tie it all together. I think it's slightly something to do with the fact that Americans don't really like cell phones, do they?

Right. I think they've all got basic ones, basically. That's a big shout. It is a big shout, but I mean, there is something funny about, like, text messaging never took off in the States.

What? Come on, now. Never been big. Whether you're a lapsed fan or someone who doesn't give a flying laureate about it, there's something for everyone. If you can get a crowd to boo you

for kicking a fabulous ladder. A fabulous ladder. And the crowd are booing. Yeah. Get off that lovely ladder we've just learned about. It's a beautiful kicking a fabulous ladder. A fabulous ladder. And the crowd are booing. Yeah. Get off that lovely ladder we've just learned about. It's a beautiful polysexual ladder. It's a beautiful little bit of shabby chic creation. If you climb up to it, ecstasy can be found at the top.

Listen via Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your pods. Wrestle Me is a Stakhanov production. And we're back with the Luke and Pete show. If you would like to get in touch with the show, it's very, very simple. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Do you remember when we talked about alien visitations and stuff?

There's loads of people emailing in about stuff they'd seen on the way home from the pub. It's just like every single one of these emails starts with, I was on the way back from the pub. It's just like every single one of these emails starts with I was on the way back from the bell that's about 11.45pm. Yeah. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com

is the email address as Pete correctly says. Andrew's been in touch Peter. Last week we talked about how to repair the body for injury. We talked about stitches. We talked about how to repair the body for injury. We talked about stitches. We talked about superglue.

We talked about staples. Andrew's been in touch as a man who's been given staples without anaesthetic. Just straight in there. Pow. He says, listening to the recent show

that included a listener email about having one's head wound stapled by a vet prompted me to email. While not involving medical procedures performed on a human by a veterinarian i hope you still find it a worthwhile tale here it goes when my wife was pregnant with our twins she was undergoing regular ultrasounds to monitor the progress of her pregnancy finally at 37 weeks a day came when the doctor said things were getting crowded down there

and my wife would need to be admitted to the hospital he means her womb we checked in mid-afternoon so we checked in mid-afternoon on a monday and she received a drug used to induce slash start the delivery fast forward to late the next morning after a sleepless night for both of us and it's time for her to receive an epidural because the doctor says they expect the delivery to get going soon wife asked me to stay with her for the procedure i've never been the best with needles, but sometimes I'm okay, so I agree. If you are going to agree to one, you might as well agree to this one.

I stand in front of her holding her hand when the anaesthetist is inserting the needle into her spine. It's a brutal injection, the epidural. The combination of that thought in my mind and her twitching as the needle is inserted caused me to pass out because I'd hardly eaten or slept in 24 hours i felt backwards and split my head open leaving a nice head-sized hole in the wall around noon i wake up and i'm being taken down to the emergency room in a wheelchair so the

emergency room doctor can stitch me up embarrassed and groggy i could only really focus on the fact the doctors said the babies would be coming soon as i I lay their face down, I'm told they'll numb the area with local anaesthetic and it'll take about 10 minutes for that to kick in before I staple the wound. Worried that I'll miss supporting my partner for the birth, I told them I didn't have time to wait for the local anaesthetic and they should just staple it now. Oh, mother, that sounds painful.

It hurt a lot. Oh, no. Our daughter was born at 11.57pm that night and our son at 12.18am the next day. The twins were on a different day. Yeah. I returned to the doctor's office to have the staples removed a week later

and Andrew doesn't say whether he had an aesthetic for that bit as well. I mean, presumably he did. But, I mean, do you reckon, is that a responsible thing for a doctor to do? What, just go get, well, I don't know. I mean, it wouldn't be a huge amount of pain.

It would be a horrible amount of pain but it wouldn't be like... You wouldn't go into shock or anything, would you? They use a staple gun like they used to get at school.

Yeah. Ka-jung, ka-jung, ka-jung. If I'm a doctor and you walk in and say, I've done this and I say, okay, that needs to be stapled together

and you say, I don't want any anaesthetic, I'm thinking straight away, I'm probably writing it down, pervert. Badass. I'm writing pervert. This guy's a badass. i don't want any anesthetic yeah i'm thinking straight away i'm probably writing it down pervert badass i'm writing pervert this guy's a badass i don't know how the staples curve because obviously when you staple a piece of paper and the plate underneath curves the um the staple i assumed it was like a tiny arrow yeah like an arrowhead yeah you know the point of an arrowhead is you can't pull it back out again but hmm what like it kind of

like goes through the well think of like an actual arrow but a tiny one yeah the head is pointed like that yeah but how would you

remove that staple afterwards I thought that the bits just dissolve it's a complete guess yeah no I wouldn't be on that particular train

I mean last week I thought that they dissolved naturally but apparently they don't I think that particular train. I mean, last week I thought... Just get in touch. Last week I thought they dissolved naturally, but apparently they don't. I think that's just stitches. I think that's stitches. Lewis. All right, lads.

Maybe New York man can become a section like Florida man because I saw this story. It screamed Luke and Pete Shaw. A New York man fell into a sinkhole when it opened up from underneath him. He fell 12 feet into this. A rat pit. Oh, what's there in a rat pit. Oh,

what's there in a rat pit there? Who's got town planning for that? A big rat pit. That's disgusting. He was too scared to scream

in case rats went into his mouth. Luckily, he was only down there for 30 minutes and he had minor injuries before being rescued. 30 minutes?

In a rat pit? How many rats were in there? I don't know, it sounds like a lot though, doesn't it? Disgusting. That sounds like

it should be a news story. A rat pit. I'm going to Google it. What's a rat pit? Yeah, man's horror overfall into rat infested chasm. Interesting. Unless it was like a... Oh, it's a rat baiting. Oh, no. I don't care for this at all.

Yeah, that is absolutely... Did you see the one with the pizza? The what? The pizza? Yeah, the pizza rush. Remember? The pizza? The one in New York with the pizza. Yeah, the pizza rush. Remember when the world was just that crazy?

His name was... Yeah, and no further. His name was Leonard Shoulders. Leonard Shoulders. Leonard Shoulders. Take two bottles in the shower and that's what you're going at. Leonard Shoulders,

the burden of having a load of rats all over him. That's horrible. Yeah. He said he went straight down falling, falling, falling and the debris was falling

and hitting him in the head. Yeah. What would you choose to have in the sinkhole? Well, I mean, not rats, but I think it's a bit rich for the blog to just go into a rat's house

and then go, oh, rats! It's like, you don't live down here, man. You're freaking me out. Well, get out of my house! So bloody rude. We invited you around a half hour ago down here, man. Yeah, you're freaking me out. Well, get out of my house. So bloody rude. We invited you around here a half hour ago.

You're late. Take your shoes off. Rude. What a rude man. Would you prefer rats or, say, snakes? Rats are more kind of unpredictable, I would say. Snakes are a bit more slithery. As long as I knew that snakes weren't going to inject me with poison,

I think I'd be all right. It's actually venom. Amir has got in touch. I'm not letting you read a fucking email. That's exactly, that is Luke Motu at T. Hi, guys. Long time listener. First time poster.

I live in India and I found this hilarious story that belongs here more than anywhere else. I'm sure the listeners will laugh as well. I'm pasting the excerpt below, Amir. Two men have been arrested in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh for allegedly duping a doctor into buying an Aladdin's lamp

that they promised would bring in wealth and health I saw this as part of the con they even pretended to conjure up spirits from the lamp

in line with the tale from the Arabian Nights Indian media report the men had reportedly wanted more than $200,000 for the lamp but settled for a down payment of just $41,000

yeah a third female suspect is alive at large. The doctor reportedly filed a complaint with the local police in Murat, Western Uttar Pradesh

earlier this week and the complaint, he said that the two men met him when he began treating a woman he understood to be their mother

over the course of a month. Gradually, they started telling me about a Baba, a God man whom they claimed also visited their home. They started brainwashing me and asked me to meet this Baba.

He said, according to NDTV, he then did meet the Baba, who, it's probably a giant Baba, the Japanese wrestler, who seemed to perform such rituals. He also reportedly said that during one of his Aladdin, actually made an appearance in front of me. And it was only later that he realised one of the accused had been dressing up as the iconic figure.

This guy's a doctor. Yeah. And he's been duped by a man dressed in an Aladdin costume. Yeah. Outrageous. I bet he dishes out staples

with no anesthetic. I can't believe he felt, I can't believe, I don't know, it took quite a while. But you say that, but when you look at the actual story,

the photo of the lamp is very good. Yeah, okay. The lamp, it does look like Aladdin's lamp. Right. I mean,

not to the point where I'd pay $41,000 for it. But I mean, if someone said to me, that's the original Aladdin's lamp, do you want it? I'd probably take it. Yeah. I wouldn't be paying that much money for it. I mean, is this culturally sensitive, Peter?

Should we be more sensitive to the idea that people are... What, a grift? Just because you've got a lamp in there. But spirituality is different in different countries. Yeah, but he's still trying to sell a bloody lamp, though, aren't they? Yeah, that is true. Based on a story. I think a doctor should expect more of himself.

Exactly. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Stupidity is not culture. It's universal. You can't culturally appropriate stupidity. There's no need to. There's absolutely no need to. We've got our own supply.

What about this for an email from paul who says uh hi gents on the back of the email about being operated on by vets and dealing with stitches and staples i felt it would be appropriate to share the story of my recent head injury i was moving house a few weeks ago and i rented myself a van it's stressful at the best of times trying to get parked in london so by mid-morning I'd already acquired a parking ticket, acquired a parking ticket, sorry, but this was soon to become the least of my worries. Keen to avoid any more tickets,

I arrived at my new house and began sprinting between the van and the house with my furniture. It's a recipe for disaster. My parents and my cousin arrived on the scene to lend a hand and all was going well. We were close to finishing with plenty of time to get in the van and get it back to the depot the same day until I ran back to it and noticed

one last item right at the back, a single pillow. I got into the van, bent down to pick up the pillow. As I shot up, I banged the top of my head on a metal railing. I clutched my head, sat down and could feel a dent. Jesus, I've actually dented my own head, I thought thought and then the blood started

pouring and it did not stop my mum and nurse saw the state of me and took control of the situation she used the pillow to prop my head up that's a mockery as I lay down and my cousin jumped into the front of the van to navigate us to A&E and my dad then agreed to drive after

muttering for fuck's sake all the while my mum and myself were flying about in the pitch black interior of the van long story short I received seven shots

of local anaesthetic the blood rinsed out of the wound with cold water and iodine and eight staples in my scalp to seal the wound we still managed

to get the van back in time and get the deposit back had to check the fucking purr that caused it all though because it was soaked in blood. Moral of the story, always look up and let me know if you'd like to see the photos

of the injury. They're absolutely disgusting. No thank you Paul. That is a troubling story about someone banging their head Peter. When I last moved house I trod in a quite large

fox shit. Right. Very early in the day and fox shit is impossible to get off. Right. The smell is just awful. My cat, because you know cats and dogs love fox shit is impossible to get off right the smell is just awful when my cat because you know cats and dogs love fox shit yeah my cat once rolled in fact

shit and we had to we had to shave the bit of shit out of his fur you couldn't get it out right i just i don't really know what fox shit actually smells like because this fox is all over it it smells absolutely disgusting yeah it's like it's like dog shit times a million yeah interesting it's awful it's not interesting it's disgusting it's just delicious what i wonder what like the like the catnip style kind of like properties like is there a human equivalent so the talking gravy is that oh gravy lovely no one dislikes gravy when i had a um fox in my back garden i looked in and it kept digging up the flower bed I looked up different solutions to get rid of it

yeah and one of them was like piss in your own garden but another one was tiger go to the local zoo and get lion shit lion shit right

and they will not come near it if there's lion shit in the garden it's kind of a bit like meh is that a regular thing yeah is that a regular thing

yeah I mean can you farm lion shit on an instrument and then just isolate the pheromones and just, you know, spray that around? Like you used to put under your tongue? What, the dog stuff, yeah. Does that work?

Not really. Are you still allergic to your own dogs? I am, yeah, but I don't care. How does it manifest itself? They're just great. How does it manifest itself? This. That noise.

Really? Yeah. It's dangerous. It's dangerous, isn't it? The people who are allergic to cats, they're not actually allergic to the fur. They're allergic to saliva. Piss.

Skin, saliva and piss. The new album from Pete Nolson. All of the major food groups. On that bombshell pizza. On that dog egg. Let's get out of here. We'll be back on Thursday with another episode of this nonsense.

So do tune in. Tell all your friends about us. Give us a review on Apple Podcast or wherever you get your pods. Hello at Luke and Pete show.com is the email address to get in touch. Thursday, I'm probably going to do an email about a man who had his leg filled with super glue. Don't like it. See you soon. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.