The Luke and Pete Show - You want that sock back, mate?

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

Luke and Pete are back with a particularly poo-heavy half hour. Luke marvels at cats’ theatrics when doing their business, while Pete outlines his dog’s peculiar case of constipation. Luke tries to rescue proceedings by probing Pete’s die-hard love for steampunk. The pair also reminisce about celebrity visitors at school, with Pete momentarily convinced that the Pope once came to Hartlepool. But one emailer recounts a far, far better cameo than that. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All right, we're back. It's the Luke and Pete show. I do hope you're having a cracking Thursday. As promised, this show, dropping into your boxes, so to speak, at 5 a.m. We did it, Luke. You said, you said, ye of little faith said that we were going to drop at 7 o'clock. I said 5 o'clock. And when did it arrive in everyone's boxes?

5 a.m. Well done us. Well done Finn for editing. I wasn't up at 5 a.m. I don't arrive in everyone's boxes? 5am. Well done us. Well done Finn for editing. I wasn't up at 5am. I don't know why we're at least up at 5am. We've got at least 4 hours before anyone's up

to solve any problems that might have with the show. We're hoisting our own petards left, right and centre. The only way you'd be up at 5am is if you

had not gone to bed yet. I think you will find, sir, that my new routine and the fact that we do the ramble a little earlier, I've been getting up very, very early in the morning. Thank you very much. What time? What's your routine now then, big man?

Get up at seven o'clock, mate. Seven o'clock and that's early bird for me. That is an early bird day. Now I'm not on absolute until one o'clock in the bloody morning. I can, you know, go to bed at a reasonable time. Is your body clock adjusted now, do you reckon?

I can't really sleep past eight o'clock now. It's got to that point. Even at the weekend, it's not. I've turned into a right old fuddy-duddy in my opinion. What's cool about sleeping late, though? No. Yeah.

It's not the nighties anymore. You're not a slacker skateboarder anymore, mate. You're not wearing a Pearl Jam t-shirt now, are you? Yeah, but you know those days where you just sleep until like 10 in the morning and you've had like nine hours sleep? That's good. And you may have drank a little bit, a couple of glasses of red wine the night before.

You're still on form, though, until it gets about four o'clock and you're just knackered again. Yeah, falling asleep again. Oh, something lovely about snoozing. This is Thursday's episode of Luke and Pete Show. That man there is Pete Donaldson. I am Luke Moore, in case you guys weren't aware.

On Monday, we talked quite extensively about a number of different things, including bridges of the EU and dogs that can sniff out anything and a human being who claims she can sniff out disease and other human beings who i think might be a pervert but this on on thursday thursday's episode today's episode i wanted to get to something pete that i didn't get a chance to get to on monday which is do you remember we talked a while ago about the idea

of grafting a human voice box onto a chimp? No, I'm not across this. You're a chimp fan as well. So basically, back in the day, a load of, I'm going to say scientists, they might have just been rogue adult men, and it would have been men. Chimp owners. Try to graft a human voice box into a chimp to see if, because they're so intelligent

and they've been shown to be able to do loads of different sign language, to see if they can actually speak. But it never really worked, right? No. That would be ridiculous. Yeah, because it's mental. But what I was going to say was,

based on what we talked about on Monday, re the dogs, But what I was going to say was, based on what we talked about on Monday, the dogs, clearly a dog has amazing sense of smell, amazing sense of hearing, and probably pretty good sense of sight, although we'll just stick with hearing and smell for now. Is there any way you could draft those two things onto a human being and create like a superhuman?

Hang on. Graft what into what? Graft a... A sense of hearing and smell from a dog's level to a human being. Yeah. And you could sniff out

counterfeit DVDs. Imagine if you were able to do that. That's the only purpose you used it for. Really outdated. And what about, yeah, so say if a dog lives to 15, 16, and he's grown up for the first two years of his life, basically got a really good nose for counterfeit DVDs. Life moves on.

We're not using DVDs anymore. He's on the bloody scrap heap and it's not his fault. It's the fault of media moving on too quickly. I can sniff our iOmega zip disks. I can sniff out old mechanical hard

drives. Imagine if you were trying to find a file on your computer but you'd lost what the file name was and the format was. Get the sniffer dog in. Yeah. That'll tell you that's an MP4 or a PSD. A real, what's a PSD?

Oh, Photoshop file, yeah. Yeah, I know what I chose to do. It just came to mind. I've been using, that's a bit weird. I've been using Keynote quite a lot recently. Keynote's quite a flexible, fun, party kind of package. You're not normally someone who who let's put it this way

other people around you at our company have bullied you into making presentations is that fair right okay yeah yeah yeah normally you just fly by night

you shoot from the hip don't you but secretly I well no one's forced me into it I just saw someone using one and I was like

you know what that looks pretty good and I've started using it, and it makes me feel good. But underneath, just know that underneath every picture in my presentation, there is a picture of my knob, and no one can see it. It's all in layers, right?

And at the bottom, every staccato show, right, you create the logo with a PSD file, right? And then when you export it out, it flattens the image and puts it out as a PNG or a JPEG, right? All right. You don't know. That's the problem. You don't.

I know what the words mean. And underneath all the layers on every staccato show, my wanger. So that's all I'm saying. You know that if you're doing a presentation to a lot of people you don't know, you are always legally mandated to put... To picture yourself naked.

No, a slide in the middle of the presentation at any point with an 80s model woman with big hair and a bikini and then you've got to go, how did that get in there? How did that get in there? How did it get in there? By the way, Pete, speaking of you doing things

that you otherwise wouldn't do, I heard on the rumour mill, and this will be interesting to fans of other Stakhanov shows and the Football Ramble, I heard on the rumour mill that you might be going to the cinema to watch a football match with Andy Brassel. Is that true? That's true, yeah. Andy rang me on the phone.

And you know I don't like to speak on the phone. He's all about it, Andy. He's always on the phone. And you know how I don't like to speak on the phone. He's all about it, Andy. He's always on the phone. Right, okay. Because he's a confident, well-read man. But yeah, I think I'm going to go to the cinema with Andy and I'm going to put my willy in the popcorn. Do the popcorn trick, definite.

Do the old popcorn trick, mate. Andy, get your hand in this popcorn, mate. Ignore the fact. I don't really know the details of that. I think it's an international weekend. Me and Andy are going to do that at the match. I don't know. I have no idea.

He just told me about it. Me and Andy having a smooch. Saturday night at the movies. Me and Andy having a smooch. In my mind, you are going to be sat next to him with your penis in the bottom of the popcorn, heavy breathing in anticipation, sweating, while he slowly and patiently works his way through his own popcorn

and doesn't even look at yours because he's enjoying the football match. He's a man of means. He can order his own popcorn. Exactly. Yeah, but I'm excited. I've not watched a football match at the cinema since, do you remember when UK TV got given a couple of matches about 15 years ago or something?

It was a very long time ago. I seem to remember being at the cinema. Yeah, and even then, it was a weird experience. So it's going to be interesting. Especially as, like, obviously the big news this week is that Cineworld have closed. And they're blaming it on James Bond. How can they just blame one film for moving to next year

that they're going to just ruin everything? Very, very easy. Did James Bond do the pandemic? He did, yeah. He was very casual with his personal hygiene. He's a man who travels quite a lot and he put a lot of people at MI5 at risk. Yeah.

Is it MI7? Where does he work? I don't think MI7's a thing. Is it not a thing? nothing sorry you've gone too high what's mi4 not as good as mi5 it's not really my specialist area but then again i would say that yeah exactly that's exactly what someone who's the head of the seat of power when it gets the top table of mi5 i'm the um i'm the part of the secret service that looks after the training of dogs to smell out MP3s

yes lovely real player fires Pete speaking of that haven't you got two dogs can they do anything good not really they can smell sausages they smell food I've taken a sort of like cooking

some like really posh steak for them because i love them i think why are you cooking it he wakes in your own time they'll eat it they're dogs they'll eat it raw but i just keep on like i forget going if i was a dog what would i like and it and and uh yeah my father-in-law's dog ate a pair of socks don't worry about cooking a steak they'll eat whatever They'll eat whatever. They'll eat whatever. One time, a few weeks ago, he was pooing, and he'd finished the poo, and he was just kind of shaking because he was just trying to get rid of his poo,

but it wouldn't leave him. And I had to. Have you not heard the phrase, I'm shaking like a shitting dog? I had to put my hand in a poo bag and basically grab hold of the end of his poo because it was stuck in his bum. But it was like, but I pulled it, but it wasn't a poo. It was just, like he'd eaten a hair extension.

I don't know whose hair extension it was. This long black kind of chunk of hair. He'd just eaten it and I was pulling it out like a magician in a handkerchief. It was really weird. really weird you know what i would love in my mind i'm now picturing a scenario where a crack team of uh police officers and dogs are going to try and find a huge haul of heroin and cocaine and you cut to the end of the line of them it's just you there standing behind your little dog putting the poo out of his bum going what what oh what don't you all shit

you all don't take shits no leave it out I know someone from MI5 mate grew up that's surprising when my father

and his dog ate a sock my brother and I were out to pull the sock out of his bum hole nah yeah well look

you have to otherwise it'll be you know you gotta be cruel to be kind and if you want your sock back you've just got you've just got to

grin and bear it unfortunately have you ever seen yeah amazing have you ever seen a cat take a poo they're a bit more polite with it aren't they they're just

yeah they're kind of really they are polite but they're kind of really like secretive about it they look at you like what are you looking at fucking what are you looking at

like leave it out and they look really peeved all the time they look around all the time while they're doing it and one thing they will do one thing they will do which is absolutely mad right is the cats is that so my cats will go out into the garden or a garden and they'll dig a hole and they'll they'll they'll take a shit in the hole and they'll bury it right that's kind of how they do it and but sometimes they'll get confused and i guess it's innate that they've been told by their mother to do that but sometimes they'll get confused right so if if they if they see something they think looks like a bit of mud but it isn't say for example a dark colored paving slab or whatever right they will they will do the motion of digging the hole but obviously it's on concrete so nothing will happen they'll do a shit on the

floor right and then they'll go through the motions of the concrete around the shit they'll scratch to look like it's put and burying it and they just walk off so they'll still do them they'll still do the procedure even though it's completely pointless yeah i i don't understand why like like dogs will do a poo and then they will um do a little kind of moonwalk to sort of like look like they're kind of like trying to bury it but they're not really just doing the action they do a little moonwalk afterwards it's fascinating absolutely four limbs on a moonwalk, that's twice as good. It's wonderful. I love watching dog do poos.

They're brilliant. But the couple that I have access to, one of them does have a pooly. Don't say the couple that I have

access to because that sounds mental. They're not my dogs but I do love them a lot. They're brilliant. But one of them has a bit of a

pooly tum tum every now and again and he's got to take doggy Gaviscon, which is just Gaviscon in a smaller bottle for a larger price. I've said it before, I'll say it several times. The doggy Gaviscon is overpriced at best.

The thing is, right, that's mad to me because I for ages was racking my brains about what your partner sees in you. And now I know she's got a dog with an upset stomach. You are the world leading expert on acid reflux so yes she's got you she's got essentially a professional on hand anytime she needs it to give her advice about her dog's digestive system perfect it's yeah and i and i poo about as often as the dog pretty much so yeah it's uh it's been um quite poo heavy this episode

can i change the subject? Is that all right? Go on then. Because I found out the other day that the London New Year's Eve fireworks have been cancelled. Oh, what are we going to do instead? It's not because of Corona. People just think it's shit.

No, it is to do with Corona. Apparently 100,000 people normally... I don't know if you have to buy tickets or you have to kind of register your interest but apparently a hundred thousand people normally turn up but they can't have it um so they're going to do something um that well sadiq khan the mayor of london said the team are working on something people can enjoy in the comfort and safety of their living rooms on tv i mean that's how i used to watch those fireworks every year anyway so nothing's going to change for me. But I mean, are you sad about that, Pete? Were you a fan of getting down

into the middle of London on New Year's Eve? No, I thought it was dreadful. I don't think I've ever had a good London New Year. You normally away, aren't you? I do like getting away, yeah. I think the last, I think it wasn't last year, the year before I saw New Year in the,

oh God, which arms is it? In Hoxton. Some kind of, some wanky, kind of zeitgeisty pub, where everyone, where they said it was dress up, and I thought it was fancy dress.

Oh yeah, you went dressed as Charles Dickens or something, didn't you? I dressed up as the bloke out of Gangs of New York. Oh, Bill the Butcher.

Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York. Stovepipe hat, mutton chops, a 25 pound moustache I'll give you that for nothing is that towards the top end

or was that moderate for a moustache I don't really know it was certainly it was a great bit of work it was a lovely curly moustache something that made me look just like him

and then I turned up and nobody was there was one man kind of dressed as Joey Ramone but I think that might have just been how he dressed

so I was completely alone. Hard to turn in Hoxton, to be fair. I know, right? I could have just put a couple of cogs on the front and been steampunk. I mean, but people, listen, before we go to a break, Pete, first of all, you can grow an excellent moustache anyway, so you should have saved yourself some money there

with a bit of foresight. Secondly, I get regular tweets and messages about you and steampunk and people don't know how to get into steampunk and what the kind of protocol or role rules are about steampunk and they know that you are well into it so would you give people a bit more information i'm not well into it i think it's a nom it's not well into it i hate i steampunk. It's just a load of fucking cogs and leather. And time travel. And time travel, probably. Is it time travel?

I don't know what it is. You tell me. I don't know what it is. It's all bollocks. I hate steampunk. Is it fair to say, of all the people that work at Stack, you are the most steampunk?

I will take that, yes. I will have to take that.. Because you wear like a pocket watch and a waistcoat sometimes. And you knock about in a stovepipe hat. And you do look a bit like you've just travelled here using some kind of Victorian time travel device.

I'm not having it. Right. This is as angry as I've ever been on this show. Adbrek! Adbrek! Join me, Melissa Reddy, and listen to my brand new podcast, Between the Lines.

I'll be speaking to the biggest names in football about the captivating, behind-the-scenes stories fans want to hear. From major talking points to untold anecdotes, you'll hear from some of football's leading stars as well as those working in the shadows. In our first episode, I spoke to former Spurs manager Maurizio Pochettino about that Amazon documentary. We feel responsible because it was very difficult to say yes

to open the door to Amazon. Only we watched with Jesus the 25-minute minute first because was until we left the club and on our latest episode i investigate how prevalent and damaging social media abuses in football and i was like taking all this negativity onto myself and i did i kind of lost myself and my personality because i knew everything that was going on around it. And it's not until I actually got to a stage where I thought, I can't take this anymore. It is becoming too much for me that I spoke out about it. Craving football insight?

Well, look no further. Listen to Between the Lines with me, Melissa Reddy, via Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts. This was a Stakhanov production. Alright then, back on the show, no more

steampunk chat, no more cogs, no more leather, no more beards, no more time travel. I didn't know leather was a thing in steampunk, I thought it was just cogs. It seems to be leather frocks. It's just a bit, it seems to be leather frocks. It's just a bit Victorian, coggy kind of stuff,

isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there might be people listening who are really into Steampunk and you've just, yeah, apologies for those people. It's just not,

just not for me. If they don't like it, they should just fuck off to another timeline, shouldn't they? Yeah, exactly. Pete, we've got a few good emails here.

I'm going to start with mine one if that's okay with you. It is from Matt from London, and he's emailed into hello at lukeandpete.com. We urge you, listening at home, to do the same. We've had email topics about awkward conversations with parents. We've talked a lot about dogs over the last week or so. Get in touch. Everyone loves dogs.

You must have something to say about it. And this one is a fairly common thread that we've done recently about certain types of teachers. Okay? So Matt from London says, Hi, guys. I was listening in to the Luke and Jim show episode, and the email about the secret footballer school teacher

reminded me of my GCSE history teacher, Mr. Turner. Do you remember who your GCSE history teacher was, Pete? Mine was Miss Duckett. Mr. Lee and Miss Heal, I think. They shared. Mr. Lee concentrated on the, I think he did William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli, and the other side was the Corn Laws and stuff like that. So I very much preferred Mr. Lee's teachings.

He's very good. He used to listen to The Ramble, I think. Did he? Fucking great. Yeah, I think that was the case, yeah. He was a head teacher for a while. Yeah, Mr. Lee, I liked him a lot. Mr. Lee, if you're out there

and you found your way towards this kind of episode, please do send us any kind of school report card you've got about Pete Donaldson. That'd be brilliant. Anyway, Mr. Turner was a huge music fan and he would always chat to us about what he was listening to and ask him what the latest music craze was. One of those teachers. He said during one of these chats

he let slip that he was in fact a former member of 80s two-tone band Bad Manners. Oh, big links. Great news. Actually, Matt of 80s two-tone band Bad Manners. Oh, big links. Great news. Actually, Matt says 80s two-tone ska band. I can't quite remember if Bad Manners was ska.

I thought they were kind of like oi or punk or something. But anyway, it doesn't matter. We know who Bad Manners was. No, they were definitely ska. Lip-op fatty and lip-op fatty, fatty reggae. Buster Bloodvessel was their lead singer, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And for those who are too young to remember, Buster Blood Vessel was this guy who,

he was like a big, bald guy, and he was like massively fat, right? That was his thing. I'm not being rude. That was like actually his thing, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a massive belly and a massive tongue. And at one point, apparently, he was 31 stone.

And you think, well, okay okay if he's a musician he's in rock and roll um he's probably not going to be any he might have shuffled off this mortal coil he may have left this veil of tears but he hasn't actually he's shrunk down to 13 stone he's still very much alive and by look of it and on google he's having a lovely time so good on him buster anyway here's um his fellow band member and now teacher of our listener, Matt from London, Mr. Turner, then proceeded to immediately pull up YouTube clips

of them on top of the pops and put them on full screen on the class projector. I love it. He said, after telling this to my dad when I got home, he took an unusually healthy interest in attending the upcoming parents' evening, having never previously given a shit. So that's quite interesting.

And then Matt also says, Pete... Oh, go on. Yeah, I just always like, with parents' evening, I always used to be just incredibly scared that I was going to get into trouble and invariably they told me that was a class clown and a prick

and all that stuff. And I used to get in trouble. Like, you forget that parents don't want to be there either. They've got no interest in being there. My mum wanted to be there, 100%. Really? You reckon? Big time.

Nah. Yeah. It's just a waste of an evening, really, isn't it? You know when your son's a little shit. Yeah, the problem is my parents, who I love dearly, they've backfilled the narrative there because they're really proud of me now. They've always been proud of me to an extent,

but I think secretly they were like, oh God, Luke could have actually achieved something if he really tried hard. And now all of a sudden they're really happy all the time. So they've backfilled the narrative. So that's on them. But my mum used to love Parents Even, I think, and she also used to love reading my reports

to the point of where towards the end of my school days, I used, by the way, I might have mentioned this to you before but this is ranked as my one of my all-time best achievements i managed to convince my mum that the school had stopped sending reports out oh yes yes yes i hid them at the back of the wardrobe for years and i only found them when we moved house and i'd already left school by then. Check mate more. Check mate. Can't think about it now. I'm no longer in education.

What are you going to do about it? What do you mean you're kicking me out? What I like about that is why did they give the responsibility of, was it like a final test of honesty and valour that you would deliver your own fucking,

you know, your own P45 effectively for the family. Sort of go, I'm a prick. Here's a piece of paper saying I'm a prick. Why do they give me this responsibility to deliver my own fucking funeral effectively? Yeah, yeah. From memory, my school started out giving them to us to take home.

And I think they probably saw the reams of paperwork blustering around the local school field and then started posting them. But I used to get up early and intercept the post. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, I was going to say to you that one thing I would have liked to have seen at school would have been the idea where you could kind of negotiate a position with the school about your report.

Because the reason I say that is because I know kids have jumped up dickheads a lot of time and i certainly was but like you do get some teachers who are just nasty pieces of work right so yeah and they're taking it out on people absolutely and i remember um a couple of teachers who basically just didn't like the cut of my jib right and everyone listening will understand that and i totally understand it i get it right and i'm not i'm not arguing that they should have immediately taken a like to me but the thing is they shouldn't really be letting that get in the way of their work i remember i remember a couple of teachers saying saying um and i'm probably going to set myself up for a fall here and you're going to piss out on me right i remember a couple of school reports from teachers saying that i wasn't very clever and

that was unintelligent and that's just such fucking bullshit like admittedly I didn't try very hard and if I all mean to say that but don't just say that I'm fucking thick because I wasn't thick right you know what I mean it's just it's just it's one of those things that still annoys me even now yeah but you've got to remember I mean two things um I um I find you objectionable and I don't have to teach you. And B, you know, people are fallible and teaching is fucking exhausting. And I don't know why anybody wants to do it. I don't want to do it. I went in a couple of classrooms, unbelievably. I am CBG checked and did a little podcast lesson or whatever.

And I was there for two hours and I was fucking rinsed by the end of it. Absolutely exhausted. or whatever. And I was there for two hours and I was fucking rinsed by the end of it. Absolutely. How old were the kids? Exhausted. Probably about eight or nine. I was fucking rinsed, mate. I was absolutely done. So I did,

obviously I don't want to talk about the work I put back into the community, Peter, because that's not what I'm all about. You know me, I don't like to blow my own mind. That's court mandated, so you don't want to say it.

But I went and did some stuff with uh the university of i'm gonna say buckinghamshire uh bedfordshire sorry sorry university of bedfordshire and um and i went and gave a talk and they were able to ask questions about podcasting and stuff and i was happy to do it it was great fun and and terry lee the guy who runs it is a good guy um but they were all really i mean these guys are university students it's good guy. But they were all really, I mean, these guys are university students, it's a bit different, but they were all really respectful and polite and really, really enthusiastic. I actually really enjoyed it.

So, I mean, if they're eight or nine, that's probably a little bit different. Anyway, but Matt finishes the email, by the way, saying, in less rock and roll news, one of my college lecturers was married to former world's strongest man, Jeff Capes. Jeff Capes was massive in the 80s. I was thinking about Jeff Capes this very fucking morning.

Incredible. Like, wow. I'm so glad Jeff Capes got mentioned on the show because he was in my mind and my heart this morning. It was such... I just thought in my life, tossing cabers would just factor in a lot more than it actually did.

And I think it's hard to overstate to people who are too young to remember who don't live in the uk how much of a cultural touch point jeff capes was in the 80s for like no reason yeah yeah well i i can't um i was reading um so the reason why i thought of jeff capes was because a big daddy you know a big daddy yeah giant hair stacks two, two of the most famous British wrestlers who ever lived. Yeah, sure. But they were

terrible at their job. They were awful, they were terrible, but they were very much... A lot of charisma, but they were terrible at their job.

Big Daddy's big move was to throw a bucket of, a bucket of what everyone thought was water over his core competitor, but it was actually just torn up bits of paper.

And Mark Haynes was writing about how much he cared about Big Daddy. But what I think we're forgetting is that Big Daddy, and then I went on to think about Jeff Capes because obviously he was a strong man of back in the day, but it was back when strong men weren't particularly physically fit or capable. They were just big guys. They were fat guys.

They would eat three breakfasts and they'd go, oh, and loads of shredded wheat and all that business. And so that would be the test of strength. You just eat a lot more stuff than you actually

should really eat and you'd be dead when you're 50. But yeah, it was a... I think nobody really thinks about how... And I hate to sashay

into Big Daddy town but territory but Big Daddy as a name is such a funny and stupid name like his real name

was Shirley Crabtree right yeah his son is a rugby player isn't he and he looks just like him his son is definitely

a kind of close relation of his he's a professional rugby player he looks just like him yeah he's a real character as well gigantic look

anyway Pete apparently according to Matt Jeff Cates came to visit the school once but couldn't get into relation of his. He's a professional rugby league player. He looks just like him, yeah. He's a real character as well. Gigantic look. Anyway, Pete, apparently, according to Matt, Jeff Cates came to visit the school once, but couldn't get into the classroom chair, so stood by the door like a correction officer at a youth offenders institute. Which I can kind of imagine him doing, can't you? Yeah, massively. Did you have anyone visit your school back in the day? Because we had

Jeremy Beadle and Tessa Sanderson. Did you? We had Chris Akabusi. I was i was gonna say the pope but that can't be right no you know why i'm thinking the pope visited right get this right there's a picture probably right so our teacher mr carlos incredible um artist like he's incredibly he'd do these beautiful oil paintings of everyone who visited the school. And he painted Jeremy Beadle and Tessa Sanderson and then next to it was a picture he'd painted of the Pope. Now, in my

childhood I just thought that the Pope had visited but then thinking about it, he'd probably just painted because it was a Catholic school and he is the leader of the Catholic church. So yeah, I would like to state for the record, Pope John Paul II did not visit Hartlepool English Martyr school secondary school and art college no but i mean maybe maybe what was the name of the teacher mr carlos yeah he probably just um just liked him or whatever yeah just it's a fan but chris akabusi came to our school right nice? Nice. Remember Chris Akabusi, yeah? I do, yeah.

Was he a runner or a... He was a runner, yeah, 400 metres. And he's the original guy who everyone says did a wuga, but he didn't. He did, oh, wide, and it was John Fashion who did a wuga. And that kind of fucking annoys me because people confuse it. Oh, wide. Yeah. Yeah, he did have a pretty extensive vocal tick of the Ws.

Very strong, wasn't he? Yeah, the Roy Hodgson, yeah. But the thing was, when Chris Akabusi came to the school, it was like a big thing. And it was like, okay, it was the 90s. He was popular. He had a real big personality as well. So it was like a cool thing.

And he came to an assembly and did like a talk. And it started off talking about probably I can't remember which Olympics he was in maybe the Barcelona Olympics in 92 I'm going to guess that and it was cool

and he did that for about 10 minutes and then like he did the rest of the hour about how much he loved God and I felt a bit like even then I felt a bit like they snuck this in

through the back door here like they're trying to make religion sound cool because Chris because Chris Akabusi is going on about it yeah and this is not what we signed up for we didn't start for any of it we had to do it but you know what i mean so that's the only one i can remember roger black is from my hometown as well he was also a 400 meter uh guy um he was from um

leon solar which is where i ended up spending a bit of my childhood so i don't know if he ever visited the school i can't really remember but i can't stress to you enough and you know there are going to be people listening to this you went to very very difficult schools inner city schools and I'm not suggesting that mine compares to that but in terms of the area I grew up in my school was the worst school around and I literally I was looking at the local news website yesterday actually and one of my classmates has just been put away for four years for robbery

and he's probably about the tenth person I can remember from my school who's currently inside or has been inside so I don't imagine to be fair to Chris Akabusi he enjoyed his time there much either so it probably cut both ways. Well, his local, I mean, just running around,

trying to get to the Gunwharf from one side of... Well, he wasn't still running there from one side. I think he could get a cab. Well, I'm just saying that's why people from Leon Solent are quite good at running. That's all I'm thinking. Could be, actually. He's sort of had to run around there.

I mean, the thing is, though, if you're aware of the geography of the area, you wouldn't be running... You'd probably... Yeah, I mean, you could run all the you were aware of the jog for the area, you wouldn't be running, you'd probably, yeah, I mean, you could run all the way to Gosport Ferry from Lyon-Sodent, but if you're going to run

all the way around to Portsmouth, I mean, that is a long trek. That is a long, yeah, that's a long trek. Yeah, I think with, if you sort of look at, do you remember in the local newspaper, did you have like court moments,

I think it was called, in the Hartlepool Mill, where it was just everyone who was up in court, yeah, everyone in the area who was up in court. Yeah, court. It was just everyone in the area who was up in court for the local busybodies to read up on. And like, yeah, there'd be a few

schoolmates from back in the day. I remember being a super drug once, and there was a lad called I'm not going to say his name. I'm sure he's gone on to better things than stealing an entire tray. It's hard to explain precisely how many razors he managed to get into his bag in one fell swoop

by saying hello to me and a friend. Just big swooping motion, woof, right in the bag and off. All right, lads, see you later, and then off. I remember a mate of mine at school, I remember at school, he was in Woolworths and he got lifted and arrested and everything because he stole a load of blank tapes.

I mean, what's the fucking point of that? The pound to space ratio is way too high. I'd be going for like fuses and batteries. No, I mean, in blank tapes, I mean, you sell them in the pub, but it's too bulky. Too bulky for me. Exactly, exactly.

One of the things that you used to get when I worked at the supermarket full time, I became quite good mates with the security guard there. And we used to chat all the time. And the things that most got stolen from the supermarket were things like batteries, because they're expensive and they're small. Everyone needs them. Weirdly, nappies. I guess it's not that weird. Right, okay. People need them and they're expensive and they're small. Everyone needs them. Weirdly, nappies, I guess it's not that weird

when people need them and they're expensive and just basic stuff like the proper high-end like bottles of whiskey and stuff. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were your main targets.

Makeup? Makeup and razor oil was making me But this is the 90s. I don't think the supermarket I worked in really sold makeup. Right, okay. It wasn't one of those kind of all-encompassing type places like they are now. I don't think the supermarket I worked in really sold makeup. Right, okay.

It wasn't one of those kind of all-encompassing type places like they are now. I think it was more of a kind of food-based shop. Okay, right, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you needed makeup, not that I did spend my teens dressed as a glam rocker, but yeah, makeup was only ever sold in chemists.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can vaguely remember that. I think these days, I think the other thing about it is that the accessibility and the ease of being able to purchase pretty much everything you want is something that you don't really think about now. Back then, it wasn't as easy as that. Things were a lot more separated out, weren't they? Yeah, exactly.

How did you get in Maybelline, is the question. Maybe you're born with it, Pete. Let's go. Maybe you're born with it. Let's get out of here. Get me some V05 hot oil, baby.

I remember that. That was a big thing, wasn't it? Wasn't that a big thing? Don't be so mean to your hair. Get hot. Yeah, I remember that.

Anyway, on that bombshell, we will leave you until Monday. Have a lovely, lovely weekend. This has been the Luke and Pete Show. I've been Nick Moore. He's been Pete Donaldson.

Get in touch with us, hello at lukeandpeatshow.com. Leave us a lovely review wherever you get your podcasts, particularly on Apple because that really helps us. And tell your friends as well. And we'll be back on Monday

for more of this nonsense. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.