The Luke and Pete Show - You’re twisting my UFO man

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Here we go, it's the day you have all been waiting for: today we finally announce the results of our big battery poll and reveal whether “Aerolatte” AAs will be received as a new player into our battery database. *drumroll please*But before that, conversation turns to the hazy world of UFOs and the Happy Mondays. Two naturally related topics, of course.Your stories are key to The Luke and Pete Show. Send them in, email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Feel free to give us a follow while you're there Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Thursday, the 23rd of January's version, iteration of the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson, one of the hosts of this show, and Luke Miller has joined me. How you doing, brother man? You alright, man? Yeah. How's your week? You feeling good? Yeah.

Yeah. Still doing too bad. It's been alright? Have you been feeling good? Yeah. It's not doing too bad. It's been all right this week, hasn't it? There's been some lovely where I come from and live and reside and exist. There's been some lovely sunsets and some lovely sunrises.

I've seen that on various social media accounts around that part of the world. Very nice. Makes you glad to be alive and then makes you happy. When I drove in this morning as well, it was stunning. It looked like something on like out of star wars or star trek or something you know when they go down to a planet and there's a beautiful kind of like red yellow a milky blue up north and then and then there was like this where the um where these cranes were on

the side of like an industrial uh complex uh you couldn't see the top of the cranes because it was just so much mist. So it was a combination of mist and sun. It's so lovely and so evocative. And that's why I drove into the back of that car, obviously. Oh, you talked about this before, but goodness me, you've got to put a lot of de-icer all over your bloody window to make the ice go away. I had no idea.

Happened to us driving back from Boston Airport once. A guy drove into the back of us. The sun was really low and I just don't think he could see what was going on.

Yeah, what is the, because I was talking to somebody about this, you just have to just give them your phone number and sort it out later.

Yeah, you have to exchange details. There's a lot of risk involved. Insurance details and stuff. You're trusting people, aren't you?

No, because if you've got the reginal, it doesn't really matter, does it? I don't know. Some people are trying to do the old, because if you've got the... The reg. The reg, no. It doesn't really matter, does it? I don't know. Some people are trying to do the old, let's keep this between us. Let's keep this between us.

I'll give you 500 quid now. Yeah. And you don't tell the insurance people because people are worried about losing their no claims. I'm probably legally bound to say that that's a crime. I don't know if it is. I'm sure it probably is. I think it is probably a crime, yeah.

Crimes happen all around you all the time. Get used to it. Is no claims a big deal? Because if you lose your no claims it's just get cheaper premiums big poppers house

the rest of the time that you're driving I think I'm packing about 7 or 8 years no claims good stuff yeah am I getting a better deal

from that I don't know probably not I assume I am probably not I drive my car once a week to take my wife

the wife I have access to to ice skating and that's it that is very wholesome yeah very wholesome yeah where is it I drive my car once a week to take my wife, the wife I have access to, to ice skating. And that's it. That is very wholesome. Yeah. Very wholesome. Yeah.

Where is it? Where is the ice skating? It's only in Streatham. Oh. But it's a little bit of a... Russia. An edgy walk. Yeah. A bit of an edgy walk.

A bit of an edgy walk. Well, it is. You're on skates. Yeah, I said to her, put them on when you get there. Put them on when you get there for crying out loud. Speaking of that, have you seen... You probably won't have seen this, but it amused me, that Dancing on Ice is back.

Oh, yeah, is it? Yeah, okay, right, cool. Guess who's involved. Mr. Blobby. Bez. Bez. Good God. So explain to our listeners who might not know who Bez is.

A drug-addled dancer. At least he's technically a dancer, I suppose. He's dancing on ice now. First, it consists in the history to have to wear a helmet. You're kidding me. Does that tell you everything you need to know about whether he's technically a dancer or not? Wowzers.

So it was quite funny because, so for those who don't know, those who are young or in America or whatever, the Happy Mondays were a band around the late 80s, the late 90s, did this kind of acid infused like dance kind of whatever

I can't really call it now baggy kind of music right so there's a famous song I've got called Step On and the refrain is

you're twisting my melon man right that's what they say you're twisting my melon and Bez did his shit and he had a helmet which was like a watermelon

right lots of watermelon slices came on and danced with him. Okay, yeah. And they did it two step on. And Sean Ryder rode the Zamboni. Is Zamboni the ice clearing thing?

Beautiful. Sean Ryder was there. No reason for it. Supporting him. Everyone else has got their wives and families there. He's got Sean Ryder there. Those two are very good on Gogglebox, I always think. They're a good duo.

It's kind of interesting to think of... It's the proto-Luke and Pete show. It is a bit. Bez and Sean. Less drugs. It is a bit. What's interesting is to think about... No, less drugs from them, I said.

To think about what characters that you never possibly thought would be possible to do this have come have been re kind of almost repackaged yeah repackaged like national treasures because they were kind of like outlaws back then weren't they they were like naughty boys who would just just refuse to do what the record company tells them now they're very much but you know what i think's happened the people who are now decision makers at big tv networks for example are older yeah and probably love them yeah we're like they're fucking great

I can't believe we can afford these yeah get that's Bez you know what I mean it's fucking Bez and they're always like 20 somethings

in the office going fuck is this bollocks but he is great value on it he's really I mean few questionable

issues in his private life but that's probably not for me to say but on the show itself people seem to absolutely love him but here's my fear for it I'm not a dancing the show itself people seem to absolutely love him yeah but then here's my fear for it I'm not

dancing on ice aficionado my wife massively loves ice skating so she'll watch that kind of stuff it's like ice skating is like one of her interests so she'll watch it because

I guess it's the only real time you get to watch any kind of ice skating on telly yeah but anyway my fear for him is this right what's he gonna do next week no one else knows any other happy monday

songs really that's true actually yeah what's what's the what's the refrain gonna be are there any ice skating uh let's have a look happy monday songs uh there's loads of songs like like loose fit and all that kind of stuff yeah you got better tight than laces because you lose your uh lose your skates yeah he had they had elbow pads on he had knee pads on I reckon he he skated for a total of about 15 metres right okay so it was

it was funny but I don't know if it's got much longevity in it Kinky Afro they'll probably play that won't they and Hallelujah

yeah they've got enough tracks for a six week run I think I don't think anyone got kicked off the first week either so I think he's still in it but it was funny.

One of the things about those reality shows, whether it be Dancing on Ice or Strictly or whatever, is it unfair that you get people on there who've clearly got some massive theatre background? What, that they've got some training of blocking and dancing and performing effectively? On Strictly Come Dancing, if you are someone who's been to, like, theatre school

or whatever, or you've been in the West End, I mean, is that the same as, like, Bill Bailey? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Bill Bailey was it? John Sargent. Yeah, exactly. But you always have a comedy character.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was in the office. He was in this very seat, I think, possibly. John Sargent. Yeah, he was, yeah. Doing a show. And he was, and it made me laugh

because like you know the people in our office our colleagues in our office who are in their 20s don't really know his work other than other than his work

on Strictly which amused me terribly we had a situation where we were at some awards thing with the guys and they're obviously all a bit younger

as you say and there was a guy there in his 60s I can't remember his fucking name now but basically he's a really well respected

investigative reporter of like 40 years standing at the BBC and when I saw him Roger Cook it wasn't Roger Cook no when I saw him

I was like oh man it's that dude it's cool sounds like you really made an impression on him I can't remember his name which is undermining my point

but when they saw him they were like, look, it's a waistcoat. Look at that, I'm like, waistcoat. But it is though, isn't it? Unless people have a hold on what you are, it's kind of like you're just a ridiculous character. Yeah.

And I have bought some new trainers. I just saw those. Tell me through those, you've taken a lot of influence from Vish and Andy Brassel on the Ramble, aren't you? I cannot. You are, aren't you? I'm enjoying, yeah, definitely Andy.

I'm not sure what Vish's trainer situation is. That's a dick. No, Vish is, because he does a lot of working out and playing a lot of football, he is inspiration in that area. Really? And Andy Brassel is inspirational in the trainer area. Well, what inspiration exactly are you taking from Vish? I wish I could do that.

Well, that's not inspiration, is it? No, I'm not doing it. It's basically jealousy. Internalised jealousy. You should really get around to doing that, shouldn't you? When people say about, you know, what really inspired me to become a mountain climber, you know, Edmund Hillary,

you have to be a mountain climber to be able to say that. You can't just say, I saw that and thought I'd really like to be one one day and never done it. Max Verstappen has really, really influenced my F1 career. He really has, Luke.

Yeah. But you've got to put on eBay. I didn't realise. You send them to, and I didn't write this on the running guard. You did, saying you wanted to talk

about my lovely trainer. It's Rory. It's Rory. But yeah, I bought some trainers on eBay and you don't get them directly from the

seller anymore because there's so many counterfeit sort of shit out there. They've got to be sent to a third party. Then they get sent to you.

So the third party is eBay's trainer guy or gal. Probably a guy, let's face it. What a job. And they just look at the trainer and go,

is this an authentic bit of plastic? I had a job like that at the bank. I'll tell you that. What? Checking bank notes? No. With a little like that at the bank, I'll tell you that. What, checking banknotes? No, it was a... With a little pen

that goes black if it's wrong. No, so I was in the call centre, right, and one of my jobs was I had to sit, if I was on that particular shift, that's interesting, by the way, about the trains,

I didn't know about that. I'm frightened of eBay. I'll tell you more about that in a minute. But in this bank, I had to, if I was on this particular shift, I'd sit in this little office with maybe 50 massive ring binders.

And when the phone rang, it would be someone from a branch around the UK. And they'd say, someone's trying to open an account and they're using a passport for identification purposes. And I think because of money laundering or fraud legislation or something, you had to be able to authenticate that passport. And I think, because of money laundering or fraud legislation or something, you had to be able to authenticate that passport. And it was quite a specialised job. And why you needed it was you had to,

so basically I'd say to them, okay, what's their nationality? And they'd say, they'd say something Swedish or whatever. Okay, go under S, find the Swedish passport, and then you'd have all the information about what the Swedish passport looked like.

So I would say to them, go to page seven, hold up the line, there should be an embossed eagle on the page. Fascinating. And then this bit should be perforated,

the photo should be here and if they've ticked off all the things, you could then authenticate it. So I actually had a similar job to that for a bit. Nice. You're like a kind of,

you're a big knock. And that's when I got a tap on the shoulder from MI6. This guy, you just see this guy around the ring binders he knows what he's doing nowadays though

if you freeze your credit card or lose your credit card or you want to do something with your credit card you have to or get a new pin number you have to re-authenticate every time

and so you have to film yourself going hello I'm Pete Donaldson yeah which isn't proof these days with all the deep fakes and all that business I thought you could just

with a say a debit card or whatever you could just lock it until you found it again and then lock it again I did something recently where I had to take a picture of both sides of my driving licence

and then I mean I could have just been scammed and film a video going hi I'm Pete Donaldson and I would very much like to re-up my was the URL of the bank spelt wrong

I went through I had one this morning from post office saying you've got a package or whatever to re-up my... Was the URL of the bank spelt wrong? I went through, I had one this morning from a post office and you've got a package or whatever. And they go, what postcode? And so they send you this link and it's beautifully put together, scam. And you go, what's your postcode?

And you write, farts, Jim farts. And he goes, oh, we've got a package for Jim farts. And it's like, no, you haven't. You flipped on them. You haven't, though. You flipped on them. I wanted to waste a little bit of their time on their computer. By wasting a lot of my own time.

But it's all right for you, because you're part internet. You're across all this. I'm like Mr. Robot after my passport job. But some people aren't as au fait with it, are they? And what I mean by that is every so often, probably once a month, I'll show the Wi-Fi I have access to, something like that, and she mean by that is every so often probably once a month I'll show the Wi-Fi I have access to

something like that and she'll go yeah that's a scam you're not good with like viral videos and stuff where it's like

it's either it's a bit of a fakey it's a bit of a fakey or it's kind of built on something do you know what

I have a problem with I have a problem with I don't know why people make them let's make that very clear

why do they make them I think it's a shame it is a shame because you watch a show like have a problem with... I don't know why people make them. Let's make that very clear. Why do they make them? I think it's a shame. It is a shame. Because you watch a show like that four or five part, I can't remember, documentary series

about UFOs on Sky. And it's fucking brilliant. Really well put together. Really well done. Who's made these videos? Yeah. But in terms of impact, when they're doing

the opening montage of the different things people have filmed in the Sky, I just think to myself, all of those could just be fucking CGI'd. Yeah. And that's a shame. That is a shame. Because there is obviously some weird shit going on and I'm obsessed with UFOs

but you won't let me talk about it on the show so we don't talk about it very much because you find it boring. I feel like an outsider I feel like the alien to be honest when people start talking about UFOs because people are fascinated by them oh yeah

everyone's fascinated by magic UFOs planets and I'm like planets aren't real why don't you care about all this stuff

I just think flat earthers don't believe that the planets are flat they just believe that earth is flat oh I'm being serious

it's really kind of like they don't argue that the planets aren't round human exceptionalism yeah't argue that the planets aren't round human exceptionalism yeah they argue just the earth is flat right

what's on the other side is it just one sided then yeah I suppose yeah so they just believe there's one side of the earth what's underneath just rock they had to change it as well

because I think as science advances they had to I mean the science that they needed advanced about 2000 years ago don't worry about that Galileo dispegged but more and more proof comes along Galileo needed advanced about 2000 years ago don't worry about that

Galileo dispegged but more and more proof comes along Galileo wasn't around 2000 years ago alright that's right I think it was a Greek philosopher wasn't it

who worked it out first what then come on big man the earth was round fact checking my Galileos Archimedes that would be my guess yeah go on

great computers yeah fantastic they were actually they fucking were actually I used to play a lot of Command and Conquer on the Archimedes polygonal there was a polygonal game go on great computers yeah fantastic they were actually they fucking were actually I used to play a lot of Command and Conquer on the Archimedes

polygonal there was a polygonal game called Lander I think which is a demo for a bigger game on the Archimedes on the computer I had Lander

because BBC it's that little green craft just fly around yeah it was cool the graphics were just like kicking around

at least 200 300 polygons on the screen it's a wonderful bit of work it was really hard to fly it as well it was

it was a terrible game. Yeah. Very graphically impressive. But anyway, yeah, so basically, they pat themselves into a corner. I can't remember the detail.

They had to then claim that Australia didn't exist and that it was all actors and then they had to change it again to say it wasn't actually a disc, it was like a donut. Why are they, they're just making it

more complicated, aren't they? It's almost like they've never heard of Occam's razor but anyway there's a couple of things I promised I'd talk about

and that we've been waylaid one is that I'm scared of eBay I'll come on to that in a minute second is the UFO thing I can't believe

that any sentient adult human being isn't fascinated with that because it's the biggest question in history it's the biggest issue in human history but it doesn't matter fundamentally none of it matters it's the biggest question in history it's the biggest issue in human history but it doesn't matter

fundamentally none of it matters it does matter doesn't matter does it what did Arthur C. Clarke say either we're alone in the universe or we're not

and either eventuality is terrifying it's a lovely term it's a lovely yeah yeah but he to be fair

he's got a vested interest there because all he goes on about is fucking space doesn't he science fiction isn't it yeah he's got a vested interest there because all he goes on about is fucking space, doesn't he? Science fiction, isn't it? Yeah. He's basically feathering his nest there. Yeah.

Isn't he? As a motor rule for fucking robots. Well, yeah. Yeah, you would say that. You would say that. You're obsessed with robots, you perv. You big robot perv. Do you reckon that's why?

Because he was a perv? Yeah, got to be, innit? Because you said to me, whenever you have like a lucid dream where you realise that you're in a dream and you can do whatever you want, you're always just trying to have sex with things. Yeah. Yeah. Things. Well, whatever. I just trying to have sex with things. Yep. Yeah. Things.

Well, whatever. I don't want to be misogynist. But, you know, it could be anything with you. Yeah. Do you think that drives a lot of these genius people's kind of ideas? Like, oh, he wants to just create the ultimate sex robot, hasn't he? It has to be. And obviously Clark Clark wants to find the most amazingly attractive sex aliens.

The most fuckable planet. Yeah. What's the most fuckable planet? That's what Clarke's all about. Yeah. Do you think that's the case? It underpins a lot of male activity. The C is cock.

The C is cock? What do you mean? Arthur C. Clarke. Arthur C. Clarke. Didn't call them that for nothing, though, did they? Arthur C. Clarke. Yeah, true. That's a good point, actually.

Arthur C. Clarke is his real name. Yeah. Arthur was a famous film about a promiscuous man wasn't it Arthur's a film about a guy who's got loads

and loads of money he can do whatever he wants oh okay yeah probably is Michael Caine his butler no that's Batman

someone's his butler someone's his butler it's Dudley Moore isn't it Arthur it is yeah they remade it Russell Brand yeah

imagine Russell Brand in movies I forgot about that he's back he's back in the they're doing still find him

oh god so you remember the Orient Express like there was loads of massive actors in that the Orient Express Johnny Depp down effectively

and they're doing another one where it's another is it Christie Christie did Orient Express I can't remember anyway but

who Agatha Christie did she do do Orange Express? I can't remember anyway but um who? Agatha Christie did she do did she do you just said Christie it could be anything

I mean there's not that many Christies around is there Linford Christie he's going alongside it yeah but like Murder on the Orange Express well I don't think

it was Christie but anyway that film was like one of those ones where they get Agatha Christie but did she write that book but she Anyway, that film was like one of those ones where they get this ensemble. Agatha Christie is the journalist, yeah. But did she write that book?

But that film was just, it's one of those ensemble casts where it's just kind of like, how have they managed to afford all of these people? Right. They must sort of go at them and go, look, you're going to get 10% of the money you usually get, but this cast is fucking insane and you only have to do a day's work. Yeah. And then you're just in it. We've just answered your question, haven't're just in it well yeah I have yeah

sorry but so Pound for Pound is probably worth doing I suppose but they're doing a second one where it's on a boat and it's another famous book

and it's another famous theatre play as well it'd be on the Nile what's it called yes Murder on the Nile it must be Christy I think yeah it's Christy

and they've got the cast isn't that great isn't as great as the first one but Russell Brand plays one of the characters which makes me laugh all that build up

just to say Russell Brand is in a film you should have just said Russell Brand's in a new film alright Russell Brand's in a new film what do you think of Russell Brand

I think his behaviour you've got to be relatively careful his behaviour, you've got to be relatively careful, his behaviour in his past life, I'm surprised he gets quite so much rope. It's not his past life, is it?

It's very much his current life. That's a big question. Was Russell Brand reincarnated? Let me ask you a few questions about the existence of aliens just because I think our listeners want to hear it. I'm going to ask you just a series of questions. I'm going to make them up now

and you have to say yes or no to them about what you sincerely believe. Okay. Okay. So there are there is alien life of any form

elsewhere in the universe. Yes. In the universe. Yeah. Isn't there a few universes? We ain't got time for that now. Right. In this universe.

In this universe. How big is our... This universe is quite small, isn't it? No, no. You're talking about the galaxy. Oh, right. Sorry. Universe is everything.

Start big. Universe is everything. Okay. Yeah, fine. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes.

There is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. Yes. Okay, yes. There is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. Yes. Okay. There is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. No. Capable, in theory, of visiting this planet. I just think they've got bigger things on. Yeah.

What's the point? I said in theory they're capable of it. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. But they're just of it yeah you think so yeah but they're just busy with other stuff probably are

loads of other things we okay one more couple more questions we have been visited by other intelligent life in the universe

on this planet yeah probably but we probably can't see it so it may as well not exist interesting so different dimensions so it may as well not exist. Interesting. So different dimensions.

So it may as well not exist. So you're into it as well then. You get it. I'm not into it. I just find the whole thing tedious. All right. In that case, we're going to have a break. I'm not saying the people out there don't find it tedious.

I'm just giving my opinion. No, but what I'm saying is... I'm thick. You've got to remember, I'm coming from the starting point, that I am medically thick. You're not thick. I'm thick. You just find it am medically thick. You're not thick. I'm thick. You just find it hard to focus.

You're not thick. You just find it hard to focus. Let's have a break. Give me some tablets. And when we come back, we're going to solve the, well, not solve, but we're going to reveal

the results of our AeroLatte AA's battery poll from last week. Oh, nice. It's a hot topic in the New Computing Show universe. It certainly is. We're going to reveal the result after this. This week, Clive Anderson is joined by comedian Stephen K. Amos on My 7 Wonders, the show where guests select their personal seven wonders of the world.

Stephen discusses his fame down under, who inspires his comedy, and how he got on during lockdown. My dad, early 80s, came to stay with me for two weeks of the lockdown. I had no idea after all these years that he is a twat. I had no idea, Clive, that the heating in my house could be set to lava. And I said to him, why is the heating on so high? And without skipping a beat, he just said, I don't pay the bill here.

Now, this is the kind of thing I have to deal with. Listen to My 7 Wonders with Clive Anderson on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You wanted to hear it. You wanted it to happen. It's time for batteries on Thursday's edition of the Luke and Pete show.

Yes. We've got one hell of a set of circumstances I'm going to say. Are you going to do a drum roll on the table when I tell you to? Not yet.

Oh, wait, okay. So the poll results are in for Aerolata AAs, the batteries which happen to be named after the milk frother they were discovered in last week. And we asked the Luke and Pete Show community to decide because we thought it was kind of either a legitimate new player

for obvious reasons, or just ultimately a cheap marketing ploy of the type that we dismissed the Pittsburgh Steelers batteries, you know, the New York Giants batteries, etc. So Luke and Pete Show community have spoken. They have decided the following. Here's the results of the poll that went on our Twitter page, at Luke and Pete Show.

Those deciding it was a new player, 25.3%. 74.7% say it's a cheap marketing ploy so by a landslide Kellen the original sender ring of the Aerolatte AAs you are not a new player

I forgot about the drumroll forget about it doesn't matter do it now drumroll after I'm applauding I'm not applauding him I'm applauding

the competition the people have spoken so unfortunately Kellen you're back to the drawing board find some more batteries by all means send them in but we will not be accepting AeroLatte AAs.

And those who are unhappy with that decision can email hello at lukeandpitcher.com to represent your case and let us know. Otherwise, we've got Brendan here. He's been in touch with... He says... Are you going to do searching? Or do you want me to search?

I think I... Yeah, you do the searching. Okay, you carry on. So pick out from Brendan who sent some in. All right. Brendan Maltmax. Not sure which bands of COVID rapid tests you have in the UK, but here in the Australia is the most common, I believe, is Hughes.

This one had a UV flashlight included to read the results. It sounds very futuristic. Maybe that's why Australia is so good at their COVID outbreak. They've got UV lights included into their... I've never heard of that

before. Have you? I don't know why you'd need them. Very interesting. To look for very, very faint positive signs. Very faint positive signs. Because you see,

when I had COVID, my first positive test was so faint, I almost missed it. Right, okay. So maybe that's why. Yeah, interesting. So M was so faint I almost missed it. Right, okay. So maybe that's why. Yeah, interesting. So Malt Max, I am...

Unfortunately, Brendan, I'm kind of a little bit upset to tell you that you are, in fact, the fifth person to send in Malt Maxes. And Thomas Saar, hello to you, Thomas, he sent Malt Maxes in at the end of December, also from a rapid antigen test. So they've been sent in a few times before, so that's not a new player. Right, okay. Well, we didn't read that one out, so we didn't realise that there was a UV light. The problem is we can't get to all of them.

We just can't get to all of them. Hello to Malcolm. Hello to the Luke and Pete. Got a couple of batteries for you. Found in some old TV controls that my parents have kept for who knows the fuck why. Hitch, sell and defiant. Fingers crossed they're new. Love the show. From Peterborough, Canada. That was Malcolm. Malcolm Bridges. Hello to you, Malcolm. Unfortunately, you, they're new. Love the show from Peterborough, Canada. That was Malcolm.

Malcolm Bridges. Hello to you, Malcolm. Unfortunately, you are not a new player either. Oh, Bridges. Anirada. Hello to you, Anirada has sent some in

on the 25th of October. Interestingly enough, Malcolm sent the H sales on January 6th. Yeah. Right. Some commemoration of the capital riot, perhaps.

And Steve Peck sent them in on the 13th, a week later. So they are a hot battery of the moment, but they are not new players because Anirada sent them in before. Are we preeminent experts in battery placement? I think we are.

I think this is a data set that we could sell. I think it really is. Sell? Joke? Yeah, like that. Kevin Brody, Brady? Brady. Has come in with this. I'm hoping to balance the inching sense of doom

from the battery-powered travesties bought for our first daughter with the tantalising prospect of a new player entering the game. I found these new leader triple A's in a weird musical cat toy. That's interesting. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I don't know, there's no way to break this to Kevin, but he is the 11th person to send in new leaders. People who've also sent them in include Paul. Hello to you, Paul. Paul Ardis, Anthony McLaughlin, Jack Keywood. Loads of people have sent them in in the past, so I'm afraid that is also not a new player.

We've had a weird influx of new leader AAAs sent in since Christmas. I think what's probably happened is a load of toy manufacturers have done aux of new leader AAAs sent in since Christmas. I think what's probably happened is a load of toy manufacturers have done a deal with new leader and got them all put in their Christmas toys,

maybe. What do you reckon, Pete? Yeah, maybe. It probably would be that, wouldn't it? It's an interesting pattern. Yeah. So no new players today.

That's how it goes sometimes. Tune in this time next week for more of this kind of thing. We're closing the book on our battery epidemiology for another week. Yeah. We do get in touch.

Hello to Kia. Kia Halaji has says, podcasters that I have access to, one evening during my uni days in Portsmouth around 2009, I went to help set up for a gig that my friend's band was putting on in Eastney. Where the hell is Eastney? Eastney is a part of Portsmouth.

I'm going to say it is less than salubrious. Okie dokie. For some reason, the proprietor of the establishment assumed I was just there for a free handout and told me to piss off until doors opened later on. Luke will probably attest to the fact that there isn't exactly loads going on in Eastney, and he has. I can agree with that.

So I waited for a couple of other mates to arrive and we headed to a very local-looking pub on the other side of the road. It was run by a very sweet husband and wife pair. They were even kind enough not to laugh at me and my mates ordering some fruity ciders because we didn't really love the taste of beer. We had a great chat with them, heard all about their kids and dogs

and how the business was going. By the time the gig started across the road, we hardly wanted to leave, but they said they'd be open late and we should bring some friends over for a nightcap once the gig was finished. We left, the gig came and went, and after regaling our paths of stories with this very sweet couple, we all agreed to adjourn back

across the road for a nightcap and more stories. As we approached the door, we felt something in the air had shifted. It happens in ports for a fact. It does happen. When night falls, you've just got to get out of dodge. On the flip of a coin, in my experience. Maybe it was the 80s disco vibe lights we could see through the window. Maybe it was the heavy metal blurring out the door. Or maybe it was the many motorbikes parked up outside.

But we went in anyway. Turns out the owners were big in the local biking community. And evidently, the community decided to get together for a big night. The looks of confusion on the faces of these leather-clad Jaeger chuggers will always stick with me. Turns out they found it very amusing that these shy young men had crashed their party and therefore we didn't have to buy a drink all night. As the Jaeger and

Sambuca floored, good God, we were starting to have the time of our young lives. What lovely people these bikers were. So misunderstood. Gentle giants. And then from behind us, we felt an enormous wave of heat. We turned around. We turned around to see the owners behind the bar

with giant aerosol can flamethrowers which, as you can imagine, was greeted with great cheers from the crowds of hugely inebriated bikers. As the flames danced overhead, I turned to one of my mates and we exchanged a terrified glance and a slight nod of the head and we promptly grabbed our coats and pegged it home.

Honestly, one of the strangest nights of my life that I hadn't thought about until a recent chat on the pod. Yours in batteries, flared throws and everything in between at Kia in Shanghai. Fan, it's the sort of story you'd expect in Shanghai, to be quite frank, and I've been to Shanghai. The way he wrote that is like he never stopped running until he got to Shanghai.

That's how scared he was. Those kind of nights are the best. And I love the idea that part of the reason I love doing the show is because what we talk about, which is basically just completely unplanned nonsense,

it stimulates something in people's mind when they go, oh, I've got something on that. That reminds me of that. I'm going to write about it. And that's what it's all about. So I love to hear that.

And I also love the undercurrent to this, which is that some of the best nights that you ever have are ones where they just go in a direction that you don't expect.

Now, I can fully admit that's also some of the worst nights. Like, you know. They can turn on a penny, like you said. They can. I remember being out with a few mates and we were out on a shortcut from one pub to another, I think, or we were doing something. We ended up getting over, we jumped over a little, literally a two foot high fence. Yeah.

Right. And because it was dark and we were in single file, the first three people jumped over it. Matey was in front of me, didn't see it. Tripped over it, split his chin wide open. Oh dear. So a couple of us had to spend basically the whole night in A&E. That's annoying.

Feeling terrible because you've caused problems for A&E when you didn't need to because you've been drunk and silly. And the night's gone to shit. On the other hand, it can sometimes go like that. I think Key is secretly very happy about that night. I know he gets terrified towards the end

but I reckon he had a lovely old time. I think it's a lovely story and I very much enjoyed it to be quite frank. Well done him. Completely agree. Let's squeeze an email

from James and before we go very very briefly who has followed up on the chat we had earlier this week or last week I can't remember

about eating insects. Pete, remember that? Yes, yes, yes. He says, Morning, Luke and Pete. Just to give you some more information regarding bug meat replacements, and specifically you asked how many bugs would be needed in comparison to, say, a cow for food.

The average cow weighs 720 kilos, and the average locust weighs 2 grams. So you would need 360,000 locusts to replicate the actual size of a cow, but there is an important distinction to make here. You would need fewer locusts to make a burger, for example, because the nutritional value and filling up effect is significantly better than traditional meats.

The protein, vitamin, and fiber content of insects is better than most meats also, so you would need to be reducing the amount you need to eat while at the same time improving the quality of the food intake. However, even in like-for-like size comparisons, locust swarm sizes can vary between 4 and 8 billion. So if a burger is 500 grams in size, you would need 1,000 locusts, and swarms that size would provide 4 million to 8 million burgers.

McDonald's sell around 230 million burgers per year, so we'd need at least about 30 swarms of locusts for an equivalent amount. Hope that helps. He's thought about this a lot, hasn't he? I think... There's a couple of things. First of all, 720 kilograms for a cow. It's not all meat.

No, and there's hooves. You don't eat the hooves. James, why are you not thinking about the hooves? Get rid of the hooves and the fur. You don't eat the hooves. James, why are you not thinking about the hooves? Get rid of the hooves and the fur. You don't eat the fur, do you? Is there fur on a cow? Yeah, there's fur on a cow. It's like hair, isn't it?

Not fur. What is there fur on hair? You get like woolly cows. Sorry, when you say hairy cow, look at that hairy cow. You would say that. That's what they call them in Scotland. Hairy cows. As the Angus cows with the hair and the horns. Hairy

cows, they call them that. Furry cows. No. We've got hair, they've got fur. They're incorrect. Pete, you are the first person in history to ever say furry cow. But hairy, why do cows get gifted with hair and we get gifted with hair and

why not fur? It's fur. Like it's not long hair, is it? Leather. Leather. Exactly, because we're obsessed with the skin. Weirdos. But what do you think about James's email? Because the issue here is probably that people don't want to eat locusts, right?

No, yeah. So a locust is quite big. So if it's a locust, are we automatically assuming that if we are to pivot to eating insects, people are going to eat the entirety of the locust? Or is it like a

portion of it that you eat that's actually nice? I think it's just hard to kind of, you know, like whenever I sort of order a prawn,

I don't order a single prawn, that would be mental, but like you've got to like peel it and stuff. It's just like, Jesus, just make

sure you peel it before I get to it. My heart sinks if it comes over full. It's just like, what's the point? If it comes over whole, my heart sinks if it comes over full it's just like what's the point

if it comes over whole my heart sinks and I'll eat it and I'll have left a little poo trail rubbish rubbish we were in Portugal

once and they were saying to pour out all the insides of the prawn and mix it in because it tastes nicer do you remember that no I don't remember

that at all do you remember we went to that seafood place you and I that cave we went to a cave no

Pete we went to that really rough and ready but really delicious like seafood place and they I that cave went to a cave no Pete we went to that really rough and ready but really delicious like seafood place and they brought out oh maybe you weren't there why did they need to

explain how to eat prawns to you no I just think the people I think they probably regularly encountered customers who would just eat the prawn bit

yeah bits of broad yeah that kind of stuff maybe you weren't there maybe you came the year after I'm not eating the egg but anyway

gross thanks for your email about locusts, James. That's what this show's all about as well. So we really appreciate that. We've run out of time for today. Yeah. But we will, of course, be back on Monday.

So do check out Monday's episode as well when it drops. Hello at LukeandPeach.com is the email address. We'd love to hear from you there. We are at LukeandPeach on Twitter and Instagram. And if you enjoyed the show, please leave us a nice review and tell all your pals because we like as many people as possible to hear. There's a big back catalogue that people can immerse themselves in

and we'd love them to do so. So thank you very much for listening. Say goodbye, Peter. Goodbye. And it's goodbye from me as well. See you on Monday. the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network