The Magnus Archives - MAG Bloopers - Totally Normal Real Humans

Episode Date: August 27, 2020

The Magnus Archives is brought to you by folks who are completely serene and professional humans at all times, on and off-recording. Totally and absolutely.Content Warnings:Explicit languageFeaturing voices of: Alexander J Newall, Fay Roberts, Ian Hayles, Francesca Renée Reid, Paul Sims, Sue Sims, Lydia Nicholas, Jonathan Sims, Mike LeBeau, Frank Voss, Ben Meredith.Edited by Annie Fitch & Alexander J NewallCheck out our merchandise at https://www.redbubble.com/people/rustyquill/collections/708982-the-magnus-archives-s1You can subscribe to this podcast using your podcast software of choice, or by visiting www.rustyquill.com/subscribePlease rate and review on your software of choice, it really helps us to spread the podcast to new listeners, so share the fear.Join our community:WEBSITE: rustyquill.comFACEBOOK: facebook.com/therustyquillTWITTER: @therustyquillREDDIT: reddit.com/r/RustyQuillEMAIL: [e-mail] Magnus Archives is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill Ltd. and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International Licence  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull-Apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. We lose nondescript for normal looking. Again, I've never known anyone to say the word nondescript in conversation. You would. I might.

But normal people know. Not normal people. I've done a lot of research to normals, and apparently this is how they converse. But when the blast of war... Is this a dagger that I see before me? No, it's me.

I'll play it's me. Okay. I'll play it their way for now, but when it comes down to it... Sorry, you're still like... My stomach! I'm really hungry, Alex! Look, there's a growl. It's atmospheric. It wasn't far...

It sounded like a creaking ship. It was like a ship in a storm. Look, mate, I'm hungry all the time. Shall I just go away, get chips and come back? You're all right. You say that. Now, if you'll excuse me. Oh, right.

Yes, well, you're not the only one that knows his way around the tunnels. And you have the eternal question. Face to face or butt to butt? Yeah, there's some where it's going to have to happen. OK, I'm going to do another take, so I need something to cut across. OK. Butt to butt. I would like to hear how you've been doing.

Me? I've been just fine. I'll see you later. You sure? You've not got... There is nothing you want to say to me. Not with that thong... Not with that thong on. Wow.

It's on a little talk. Well, there is a reason to believe that the Archivist conversations are always done naked, but I think I've just proved it. Go from top. Also, for the all clear, could you do this one louder? I don't know why you said louder, and in my head I was like, higher pitched? All clear! Basically.

It's me, Terrence, the very small air raid warden. Anyway. You don't do well with the heat, do you? Oh, we have fun. So, yeah, if you can go louder with it. Editor's note, we're having a great time. It's so warm. I'd go a little bit higher.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. At the moment you're going, you're doing this, you're going, good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. Alright. Good, you fucking dickhead. Fuck you. Ran away from me, just like my dad.

I loved you. How's the plane? Still going by. What is it? Is it a jet, or is it a prop jet? Twin turbine. Really?

Amazing. I should have done... I'd have been amazing on a submarine. Scott and I will talk about it later. Ben and Zim, sorry, can you talk amongst yourselves for a second? I am talking to you like a normal human being. Yes, this is a conversation that normal human beings would have. Excellent. Fantastic.

And now I've gone too far. The other way would be better. Again? That was golden, by the way. That's exactly what I need. That's official. This is what Alex thinks human interaction looks like. I mean, it makes sense.

He grew up on a farm. That's how you talk to sheep, I hear. Yes. Who's on mic four? Oh, that would be me. Okay, all three of you have a human interaction. I'm not sure I really want to, if I'm honest. I mean, it's very simple.

You just, you know, you say, hello, I'm a human. And really, hello, I'm a human. Exactly. Yes, that was very convincing. I am also a human. Hello. I feel convinced. Yes, I three am human.

I am continuing to talk like a human. Okay. Mary had a little lamb. Mary had a little lamb. One, two, one, two. Can you hear me, mother? Okay, let's go again from the top. Ben, you crept closer and closer and closer. Well done.

You're a good villain. A good villain needs to make love to the microphone. You're kind of getting all up in my grill, Ben. You're getting all up into my pop filters, Ben. Make love to the microphone, make hate to the audience. I'm just very intimate with beholding. Thanks for listening. Tweet us at TheRustyQuill, visit us on Facebook or email us at mail at rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening. Hello, it's Kareem, the voice of Simon Fairchart from the Magnus Archives,

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Terms and conditions apply.