The Magnus Archives - MAG Twilight Abyss - Part 3

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

The view from the rooftops of Slyde World is bleak. Can our heroes Gavin Crumble, Freddie & Ms. Pledge save the park, Dorset, and perhaps indeed the world, from the encroaching Abyss and avoid any further health & safety citations?Content warningsExistential threatInstances of memory loss (supernatural)Flooding & Threat of drowningMild child perilInnuendoCharacter deathMentions of: emetophobia, comedic violenceEdited this week by Lowri Ann Davies, Tessa Vroom, Jeffrey Nils-Gardner & Alexander J Newall.Produced by Lowri Ann DaviesCheck out our merchandise available at https://www.redbubble.com/people/RustyQuill/shop and https://www.teepublic.com/stores/rusty-quill.You can subscribe to this podcast using your podcast software of choice, or by visiting www.rustyquill.com/subscribePlease rate and review on your software of choice, it really helps us to spread the podcast to new listeners, so share the fear.Join our community:WEBSITE: rustyquill.comFACEBOOK: facebook.com/therustyquillTWITTER: @therustyquillREDDIT: reddit.com/r/RustyQuillEMAIL: [e-mail] Magnus Archives is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill Ltd. and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International Licence Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon pull-apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. hello everyone it's johnny welcome back to our interim gaming adventure the title of which i have definitely remembered because we are recording this all in one long session definitely haven't had any sort of technical break no one's computer's motherboard died in the middle of an episode. What? What? That didn't happen. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, so love to continue exactly from where we left off

with nobody misremembering any details. Something about an abyss? Yeah, there was the twilight. The twilight of the abyss. Of the blinding abyss? Yeah, there was the twilight. Before the twilight of the blind abyss. Before the twilight of the abyss, Freddie Wins. Of the blinding abyss. Oh, blinding. Yes, the blind abyss.

The blind abyss. Yeah, yeah, cool. So welcome back. Any continuity errors are actually... Very clever and you just didn't get them. A darkness in the fabric of being ripping through reality. Exactly. Exactly. So, as we've mentioned, I'm Johnny, your GM,

and who do we have just talking nonsense? I'm Ben. Listen to the Stereoferma and Rascal Gaming. Stop that. Who are you playing? What? Stop plugging and tell me who you're playing. I'm Ben.

I'm Gavin Crumble. Gavin Crumble. And Lydia, who are you playing i'm ben i'm gavin crumble gavin crumble and uh lydia who are you i'm lydia i i'm also in uh magnus and rusty quid gaming which is good i'm assured by objective people that aren't in it that's not true i don't know anyone that's not in it we all are bit parts in Alex and Johnny's dances and I'm playing Freddie

who is a himbo so I can't remember the voice so it's gonna be this now I'm Freddie

what did Freddie sound like we can't have two Welsh people Freddie Mr Crumble that's more I suppose I'm thinking

more of the family I've got in Wrexham, where it's kind of like, on the edge of Welsh. Just say Mr. Crumble a few times. Was it kind of deep? You were like, oh, no. No, I'm Freddy. I don't know.

Oh, I like that. Keep that. Hello, I'm Freddy. Okay, this will be Freddy. I'm actually kind of doing an impression of that dog that's very famous on TikTok. Hello. uh there's a tiktok dog yeah what does the child do on there and he looks like he's talking i'm just gonna gently highlight that we're four minutes in and we've yet to introduce four people it's fine it's fine hello who are Hello, I'm Laurie, and I edit gaming,

and I produce Magnus Archives, and I'm playing Miss Pledge, and she's old as balls and very Welsh, and is very, very invested in Freddie's future, and that he goes full-time soon, which he has been promised. But Mr. Cowsopher, he did promise that. There he is. So it will definitely happen. I mean, he didn't say it in as many words.

He just made, there was a feeling, you know. Did he chuckle ominously and you were like, that's what that means. That's a good sign. That is definitely a good sign. That chuckle, yes. You awake atop the pump room in Slide World, feeling like something slightly weird and slightly wrong has gone on with the world,

as though everything has shifted slightly and any inconsistencies are to be put down to the leaking in of cosmic space fabric into otherwise very normal chlorinated water. I swear my shirt used to be white, not purple, but... It's a good look on you, Gavin. Does my hair still look good? Freddie mumbles nervously at Miss Pledge.

Freddie, of course it does, my love. Phew. But your contemplation of changes in shirt colour and or voices is broken by the sound of a baby crying. And you remember that a small baby, whose parent you cannot remember at all. As far as you're aware, this baby must have bought their own ticket, and that seems normal to you.

This baby is on a bench, like a wooden bench. You know, one of them slide park wooden benches that you get. The flood of pitch black water that occasionally you can see glimmers of stars in is starting to rise, going up and up towards this baby. Is the door that we came out of onto the roof

rip-off-able? It was a trapdoor. A trapdoor? Is that rip-off-able? Could it be surfed? There isn't really much in the way of waves currently in the cosmic. But the momentum that one might gather from running across the roof, jumping off and then jumping onto the surfboard and skinning... I will say, Freddie does not know enough to know that that is not possible. Right, yes, but I can declare a lack of understanding gives me immunity to things harming me.

I absolutely cannot remember the rules. Oh yeah, there's dice. It's roll 2d6. Also, Beach Boys intensifies. We're in Dorset, aren't we? Everybody's surfing. Surfing Dorset. I spent my first 18 years in Dorset. Nobody surfs in Dorset.

Or at least, if they do surf in Dorset... Loads of people do, Johnny. I went to Pool Harbour. Yeah, windsurfing in Pool Harbour. I love it. Windsurfing. Several times a year. Even from Dorset.

I lived 10 minutes from Bournemouth beach yep and like if you saw people trying to surf it was like it was no but it was a bit of a sad affair wind surfing around pool harbour is pretty yeah okay no wind surfing yeah yeah pretty sure i saw some people try surfing on shell bay didn't go well for them but they tried yeah okay people can paddleboard people can paddleboard yeah don't try to surf i'm just saying that like if if your image of surfing is like cool uh that is not the surfing you will find in dorset yeah well freddy thinks that he looks cool and uh i mean let's find out he rolls 2d6 you're going to need I would say a 10 but you've got himbo work for you here

so you'll need an 8 yep doesn't really matter because I got 3 you got 3 rip the trapdoor off leaps off the roof runs along the swell of the Baywatch theme there's an echo

it's obviously in a minor key. Very moving. It's Miss Pledge. She's got a lovely voice. She's Welsh. She learnt the Baywatch theme, what, in the valleys? What is the Baywatch theme? I keep trying to have it in my head,

and all I can hear is the Chariots of Fire. Because they run slowly, right? So that's Chariots of Fire. That's the slow run song. It's do-do-do-do-do-do's do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Freddie. It sounds like you're doing the A-Team theme badly.

And now I've got the Red Dwarf theme in my head. Because that is the only thing I know that goes slowly. We're gradually progressing through Freddie's action. He's currently mid-air. Well, this is the only thing I know that goes slowly. We're gradually progressing through Freddie's action. He's currently mid-air. Well, this is the problem, though, is that momentum doesn't seem to quite work. He's got the wrong tune in his head. The rhythm's off.

So the door hits the water, and for a second, Freddie's like, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. But then the door sort of starts to slide down into the water and then your feet and then your legs and then... I'll never let go, he says. By the time you reach the bench with the baby, it's just your upper torso that is gripping onto...

Paddleboarding. Yeah, it's gripping onto the edge. The baby is there right in your face and the entire lower part of your body is currently dangling into the unending cosmos. Okay! It's pretty cold. I'm going to say you are taking

two hit points of damage. Oh, cool. I've got five hit points, so that's... Now I'm on three. As far as you two are concerned, Freddy never had legs. Freddie was also always... Just a torso. Just an upper torso, yeah.

The baby is currently crawling towards you, Freddie, looking curious as though it's interested in your face. Come on, baby, how did you get a ticket? You won't be able to go on any of the rides. Miss Pledge, what are you doing Watching Freddie struggle I think she'd probably shout Freddie boy, pull yourself onto the bench

Because I haven't got my mop anymore To try and help Your mop is actually, as far as I recall One of the things that caused this issue I was defending my boy If I just listened to the authority figure in the room This would have been fine. Oh, shut up, Gavin.

You mean Mr. Calcifer? Is Gavin Crumble doing anything or is Gavin also simply watching an unfurling disaster? Gavin really wants to get back to his van to report this because he doesn't know how to handle abyss floods and he's pretty sure head office might have an idea. They've probably got something in a handbook. So he just really needs to get back to his van so he's gonna look for routes to yeah you

can probably uh like it'll be like hopping over rooftops and the occasional awning you can see that the edge of slide world has not quite been reached by the flood yet okay so your your van should be fine if you can get to it. Okay. And I'm going to say I am motivated by a cold fury of these two individuals who...

But just to be clear, you are leaving Freddy to die. Well, no. As far as I'm aware, Freddy's fine because Freddy never had the rest of his body so he's not in peril.

I mean, he does... His face is... You know what? Covered in baby sick. Oh, yeah. You're quite right. The baby has been sick on your face. Okay.? Covered in baby sick. Oh, yeah, you're quite right. The baby has been sick on your face. Okay.

Well, not, like, fully sick. Just, like, spit up a bit. It's a stressed baby. That's what they do. I know the baby seems fine. The baby seems very happy. So there you go. So Freddie's just babysitting a pretty chill baby on a bench.

Okay, so, yeah. So to make your own way back, I will say that's an innate difficulty. I will give you analytical, though, because it's very much like plotting out your... Have you ever done this? I mean, it's like... I always have this thing when I'm travelling around. Like, I'll imagine that gravity has changed direction,

and then I'll, like, plot out routes, like how I would go down a street if gravity... Do you not do this? I've never done that, but I think i might start doing it now i have done but not of like a matter of course well i mean look no okay it's not it's not something i do every day it's just it's just sometimes isn't it it's just yeah anyway you're you're just basically playing uh the floor is cosmos yeah so uh yeah make me your role right Right. I rolled a... Uh-oh. And four. And four.

Okay. You make it. I'm going to say, like, at one point, your leg slips, briefly goes into the unending black abyss of space. Gets a bit chilly, but you pull it back out. So I'm going to say you lose one hit point. Okay. You reach your van, but as you do, the black waters are starting to lap at its tires i'm flicking through the health inspection handbook for any any uh like emergency protocols for abyss floods what letter

are you looking under f for flood f for flood uh okay yeah no there's quite it's quite a comprehensive i mean there's a very comprehensive section on flood. Generally, the advice is to first off turn it off at the source and then look into, most parts should have drainage, so if it's not draining away, you probably want to look into what might be blocking the drainage systems, but mostly the advice is stop water coming out, drain off water, and then analyse the system for the initial problem.

Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to have a rifle through the back of my van. And, oh, no. That gives you a superpower, right? Yeah. Well, yeah, I can get mundane equipment. I can get specialised equipment by spending an HP, and I only have three HP left.

So that's problematic. Hard choice, isn't it? Well, would I be able to find some sort of... Because I'm aware the flood is miserable in some ways. It's not something I want to get on me. It's very cold. So some sort of, like... I've got, like, a long, grabby, articulated stick

for, like, sort of getting into... Yeah, I'll say you have a grabby stick. I won't even make you spend a hit point for a grabby stick. I suppose it's quite mundane. I'd say it's pretty mundane. I've got three with me right now. So I'll get a grabby stick out of the thing. One thing I will say you do notice

is things don't seem to have a problem floating on top of this dark water. Well, I did. Well, no, yeah. It seems to be anything submerged in the dark water falls through. Okay, in which case I would like to spend a hit point to have an inflatable life raft. Yes! I will say, okay, let me... You cannot have a life raft.

You can have two life rings. Oh, blimey. Yeah, all right, I'll take it. You're going to have to sit in it in that kind of thing with your bum sitting in the middle. Yeah, my bum's going to be really cold. And you also have some paddles. You also have some paddles.

For my life rings! What a sensible thing to pack! Okay, I'm on two hit points. Okay, yeah, so I guess, like, there's a moment of quiet as i'm doing my things and then i burst out the back of the van to the a-team theme of course and i'm like yeah sort of kneeling on a life ring with another life ring like gripped in my teeth because they have the little ropes on them for grabbing and i'm paddling with two hands. Okay. Behind you, the van sinks into the spilling out of this. Oh, dear.

Beans. Well done, Gavin! Shouts Miss Pledge from the roof. What have you been doing during this whole time? Miss Pledge has actually been inspired by Gavin. We're in a water park. There must be dinghies around. Miss Pledge knows this park like the back of her hand.

She's going to try and find a dinghy. There aren't any dinghies, but pledge knows this park like the back of her hand she's gonna try and find a dinghy there aren't any dinghies but you do know where the gift shop is and the gift shop sells all sorts of like inflatable stuff for children like water wings and that sort of thing flamingos inflatable flamingos you know like yes absolutely that you sit with the absolutely uh sorry horror I forgot spooky flamingos I will allow you to make your way

down to the gift shop and get yourself an inflatable flamingo it will cost you a hit point though largely because you will be partially in the

the dark freezing void of space Miss Pledge will do that for Freddy she doesn't care about the baby just to be clear for Freddy

okay to be fair on thereddie okay to be fair on the flamingo we are in that we are firmly into that element of horror that's like the absurdity of the mundane on the backdrop of everything yes oh absolutely absolutely nothing says mundanity like an inflatable flamingo and dorset and dorset dorset is the the most money so uh freddie the dark waters are starting To creep up over the top of the Bench

The baby's there It doesn't really care Freddie's pulling himself onto the bench Yep I'll allow you to do that And Freddie is Grabbing the baby and looking around For anything that He might jump onto.

Is there anything? Even a light bulb? There's Gavin approaching quite speedily with some high fives. We'll blow the whistle in order to attract attention. All right. And maybe to inspire everyone to confidence and action. You know, whistles are good for that. Okay.

So I will judge that you regroup to the sound of a very loud whistle. Yeah. Each with your own... Blowing the chair, it's a fire theme. Does the whistle modulate tone or is it just... Yeah, it is pretty much that, yeah. Johnny, I'm sorry I ruined your horror. Lyd, how am I meant to maintain

a steady tone of dread when there are jokes happening? I'll ask you to keep your jokes to your own podcast, please. He put a blasé baby on a bench, to be honest, so Jolly started it. I don't know what you're talking about.

This is the coolest baby I've ever met. It's like Laurie said, I want serious horror. Yes. All three episodes. And I feel like I've delivered. Note taken, thank you. I mean, to add a modicum of a pallor of a shade of darkness to the proceedings, Freddy does yell for Mr. Calcifer.

Mr. Calcifer, you said this was a good park. You can see, if you look over towards the balcony next to his office, a dark, stick-thin figure is overlooking the unfolding carnage. What shall we do, Mr. Calcifer? He's now become Sam. You can hear just distantly on the breeze,

you learn to swim. That does actually sound like useful advice. I see that. Oh dear. So what's your next move? Well, I'll... If you said we's your next move well I'll if you said we've regrouped I'll throw Freddie a life ring

and a paddle so I'll judge you all now have broadly speaking the ability to move throughout this flooding park though Freddie is clutching a baby

and sad and sad and sad at the betrayal of everything he stood for which was a water park so the health inspector's manual recommends that we and sad at the betrayal of everything he stood for, which was a water park. So the health inspector's manual recommends that we find the blockage and clear it.

It seems the water isn't draining away, which is a problem. I don't know why I've become a man from the radio. I mean, Ben, in a very literal way, you are a man from the radio. You have been a man from the radio for so many years well I don't know Miss Pledge you know the park like the back of your, where is the big drain the big drain, it's by Fluttery Bye Bye's

you know the kids are sick a lot so we need the quick exit there yes you're right it must be blocked come on let's go I have my regulation drain grabber Oh good, because I've lost my mop And I've got a baby Oh, congratulations

So you can paddle over to Fluttery Bye-Bys Not to be confused with Buttery Fly-Bys No, other side of the park Yeah, absolutely Come on, narrator But Laurie, could you describe Fluttery Bye-Bys for me? Because I believe it was your... You were the one that invented it.

No, I invented the toilet bowl. Right! But I believe Fluttery Bye-Bye was the ride that shoots the children in inflatable rings that have wings on them that don't make them any more aerodynamic. In fact, it makes them spin a lot, hence the vomit, hence the need for a drink.

Okay, so at the moment uh so you approach and as you do you can see children in inflatable rings just being fired off and like but and like skirting atop atop this dark black abyss and there's just this sort of collection of floating, slightly confused children just off to one side. About ten of them just sort of rotating slowly. I mean, I've got no time for them. We're heading straight for the drain. It's over here. Okay, as you approach the large drain, you can see there's a glow starting to come up from below the pitch black waters. Now I can tell you that wasn't here before. I am pretty sure that that was not.

I have cleaned out this drain a lot of times, as Miss Pledge says. It is like an eldritch purple glow. You know the eldritch purple, right? You know the eldritch purple. It's glowing the eldritch purple, right? You know the Eldritch purple. It's glowing the Eldritch purple in an intricate star-like pattern. I mean, it's quite pretty.

You know? You look at it and you're like, hmm, nice. But it does look like it is stopping any water from draining out. Yeah, I'll fish sort of a little tape-based dictaphone out of my pocket,

click the record button and go, Health Inspector's log, health date Wednesday. It appears that there's some sort of glowing foreign object blocking the drain that's causing the flood. So I'm going to attempt to unblock it now. And I've got my little grabber. I'll poke it into the water and try and dislodge the purple blockage.

Okay, well, so as you do, you feel like an ice-cold shock. Like halfway between ice and electricity sort of jolt up your arm. Could you make me a roll to see if you drop your grabber? Yes, although I would say that I am following all of the correct procedures and regulations, so I would like to invoke bureaucrat, because I'm very much just doing my job. Yeah, alright. I'll let you have that one.

It's fine, Johnny. I'll roll like a two or something. It won't matter. Oh, actually, it didn't matter in the other way. I rolled a nine. Hey! You pull it back. Whatever's blocking it, it doesn't appear to be a physical object. A blockage appears to be

metaphysical. I'm not really sure if the manual has any solutions for this. Any ideas? Guys, as you stare at it, you hear a rushing of water from behind you, and you turn to see a figure approaching. Oh, no.

You recognise Mr. Calcifer. Is he walking on the water? No, it's like the water is sort of buoying up beneath him and moving him along. Sort of babadooking on the water. Yeah, he's babadooking along the water. He's got the arms down in the babadook pose. See, that means nothing to me because I've never seen it,

but I'm imagining the gentleman from Buffy. It just feels very anime to me Because I've never Seen it But I'm imagining The gentleman From Buffy It just feels Very anime to me I haven't seen Oh do you think He's got his arms Out behind him

He's like He's got his arms Out behind him Ben This is serious Hey it was Lydia's Suggestion If you two

Can't behave Me and I'll throw you In the abyss And me and Laurie Will finish this Episode ourselves Yes Johnny Okay I mean let's be honest That is where can't behave, me and Lo I'll throw you in the abyss and me and Lo will finish this episode ourselves.

Yes, Johnny. I mean, let's be honest that is where this is barrelling towards. Okay, there's a non-zero chance that is going to happen anyway. What's the word? That's where the momentum of the plot is headed. Well, currently the momentum of Mr. Calcifer is headed straight towards Nice. Straight towards

you, Lyd. Straight towards Freddie. Mr. Calcifer sir I just I never doubted that you would turn up and you would fix this could you possibly explain to this health and safety man exactly how this is healthy and safe because it's not that I ever

doubted you but it is a little confusing to me in my untrained state I am very happy to listen to and help with the assistance of the fixing of the drain. The healthy safety. Certainly, Freddie. I will explain.

I will explain. You see, darkness and the abyss is the healthy state of existence and life is a blight. So, I've very much made a pact with the dark powers to help cure that blight from, at the very least, Dorset. Maybe the rest of the world. I have big dreams, but you've got to start somewhere. You did always say to me to watch how I was going because it would lead to strange things.

Yes. Okay. Does that mean that there is no way to stop this flood from taking over, say, the world? Ultimately, no. I'll be honest, I didn't expect it to happen quite so quickly. I had a lot of more preparations to do, but you work with what you have. So, welcome to the future of the flooded world.

So is that... It sounds like it's not completely finished, then. No, it's fine. Mr. Cowsapusso, is there... It's... Oh, OK, so is there it's oh okay so what what is it i could uh freddy frowns and then smiles and then frowns again i could help you with whatever is not quite finished or vulnerable yes yes mr calcifer let us help you okay make me a role and i will i'll give you i'll give you a bonus for dedicated, because you have always served Mr. Calcifer very well.

Dedicated, earnest, himbo. Ooh! Someone rolled a nine. Oh, that's nice. Okay, Mr. Calcifer stops for a second and sort of steeples his fingers. You wish to help me, Freddy? Oh, yes, Mr. Calcifer, sir. I would be extremely... Very well, but first I will require proof of your dedication. Freddy looks confused, looks down at his hands.

He's holding a baby in one and a whistle in the other. Looks very pained. No, the health inspector. Throw the health inspector into the abyss. I'd really rather you didn't. Because he's the one that hasn't... I mean, he hasn't offered to pledge his loyalty to me, so I feel that that's probably a fair test of your loyalty.

Hang on a minute. No, to be quite honest, if the options are help you or the unending freezing abyss, I will help you. I do like an authority figure. And, well, hey, if you want to be my new head office, then go right ahead. Freddie continues his pained expression and then, with a look of resolution, hands his whistle to Mr. Calcifer. Says Miss Pledge. Okay, what...

The sign of his employee is the employee lanyard. This is a gesture that makes me think that you're quitting. No, no, no, the opposite. Sorry, I feel like we're getting cross-wires here. Sorry, are we still going with throw me in the abyss? I am prepared to pledge.

So the thing is, if you're all on Team Calcifer... Yeah. Absolutely. Then we can just sort of kick back in my office and let the world flood. Oh, I thought... Oh, there's not...

I thought you said that there was a problem that we could maybe fix. Obviously the ceiling incantation isn't fully finished yet, but fundamentally, if you're not really opposing me, then it'll work anyway. Well, that's very true, but I have been looking at the rate of flow and the speed of the expansion. It'll take longer.

Well, the longer it takes, the more time there's some sort of eldritch task force can be assembled to stop your plan. So I reckon we should really... Oh, yes, I think, look, I'm from a government body, and let me tell you, the amount of correspondence we get from the Eldritch Task Force trying to get us to shut down spooky swimming pools is incredible. Really? Honestly, they just won't shut up.

Yes, honestly. That seems... I suppose I didn't really look into it much before I started. Oh, so you think you're the only game in town here, sir? I did meet you. No, no, no. They have shut down tens, hundreds even, from small-time to big-time eldritch crooks. Oh, it's an apocalypse a minute.

Mr Casaba, we must fix this immediately. Come on, let's go. Take us to your unfinished thing. Okay, so it's not... I mean, the unfinished... I mean, that sort of points towards the seal. That's the bit that's unfinished because once it's finished, the flood will...

The rate will increase. Oh, the seal. Okay, so we need to go back to my office and then there are a few more sacrifices. Oh, I see. So, Mr. Calcifer, so what theoretically could break it? Because then we can...

Now it sounds like you're trying to trick me into revealing a weakness. Oh, no. Come on, Freddy, shush now. Freddy's huge eyes, like the most dedicated, earnest... Okay, look, here's the deal. If you genuinely want to help me, grab a few of those children on rings, bring them up to my office, and we'll do the ritual, finish it all off.

Don't worry, the children will be fine until we throw them back out into the abyss. It's just a little... It's just a blood thing. You know, just eldritch. It's fine. Or, if you don't want to, I'm going to assume that you're still trying to stop me

and we're going to obviously miss pledge would like to just attack mr calcifer she's decided freddie is in danger she knows freddie freddie's just saved a baby freddie isn't going to go along with this again miss pledge okay iaced. Okay, I will say he is completely unprepared. He's very much... He's really got into his own head about this. Like, he's... She's going to leap on him, screaming,

Paddle, Freddie! Go, boy! Okay, I'm going to ask... Roll, you'll need an eight. I don't think you have anything that's going to help you here. I'm very loyal and resourceful and old as balls. I don't think you have anything that's going to help you here. I'm very loyal and resourceful and old as balls.

I don't know if any of those things are going to assist you with leaping onto it. You don't get to be as old as balls without fighting skills, Johnny. This is true. Especially in Dorset. I'm from Dorset and you do. You do. A lot of people

there are old. I've got a ton! Hey! Oh my gosh. You're in your flamingo. Yes. You leap off your flamingo and sort of like just kind of tackle Mr. Calcifer.

You hit him square in the centre of the torso and he sort of topples backwards like a tree and he is now like prone. He is on top of the water. The water is not sort of topples backwards like a tree and he is now prone. He is on top of the water. The water is not absorbing him but he is lying there. He's trying to fight you off but he's very scrawny actually.

Can Freddy in a fit of anguished, twisted, broken loyalty start whacking Mr. Casper in the head with a paddle. I'm so glad you said paddle. It's so... I just... I don't know what this is about. Yeah, I mean, he's being held down by an old cleaner. So I'll say you just need a six.

Okay, cool. Yeah, I'm going to hope that the baby is old enough to deal with the fact that he's tucked under an arm while the other arm is whacking Mr. Kelsifer in the head It's a very strong arm This baby has been super chill so far He's a very chill baby Really chill baby

I'm guessing that he's at least a bit of the dark depth of space He's like, okay cool Rolled a seven You're just whacking him he's like ow ow ow

stop it ow you've kind of got him I mean obviously not exactly where you want him because ideally you wouldn't want him like floating on top

of the void but he's being hit in the head he's being pinned by a tiny angry cleaner Ben what's Gavin Crumble doing? well okay

so given that I was also going to try the old knock him into the abyss and watch him disappear, and that hasn't worked, but he is pretty thoroughly distracted. So he's mentioned this sort of ritual going on in his office, so I'm going to quietly sort of just paddle off to his office because I've seen him standing spookily at the balcony, which was his first mistake for telling me where his office was and yeah I'm going to

try and break into his office to disrupt whatever Okay you can paddle off to the office so he's going to try and shove you off the Vimluri Okay

and he's going to fail quite significantly Oh What do you want to do? Oh I guess can we

tie him up somewhere so that we can Not really you don't have the like the thing is A you don't really I guess can we tie him up somewhere so that we can go and help not really you don't have the A you don't really have any rope and B you can tie him up as much as you could easily tie up a surfboard while on it in the sea

which is in my imagination not easily but I forgot I was riding him essentially no I think you're right. And we've sorted the drain, really, haven't we? You haven't at all, because it's still sealed by an Eldritch symbol. Oh, okay. We tried poking it in.

Maybe we should throw him into it. Yes, I'm going to try and get... Paddle him. Paddle him, yes. You want to try and paddle him. His head breaks the spooky symbol. Okay, so you want to paddle Mr. Calcifer into the spooky symbol? Yes.

Towards the Eldritch Train. Okay, I'll... You should have made Freddy full-time months ago, and you know it, he's the best thing about this park, you awful man. Right, that was Mr. Calcifer's crime. Ben, you have arrived at the office. Gavin Crumble is there. It looks like a very normal bureaucratic office,

except for in the middle, there is a small table which has an ornate stone bowl full of utterly still, pitch-black water in the middle. And as a bureaucrat, you know that's not standard for an office. I would have more expected like a Newton's cradle or something like that.

Yeah, something like that. Yeah. I can't even think of a good one. Did you just make yourself laugh? Gavin Crumple's such a nerd. Yeah, I'm going to use McRabber. That's actually pretty smart. I was going to do you some damage. Yeah, that very smart. I was going to do you some damage.

Yeah, that's it. I was like, oh, spooky water. Okay. Well, looks like this needs to be disposed of in the appropriate manner. And I'll pick up the grabber, like with a sort of smelting bowl. Sure. And just carefully pour the water into the waste paper bin. Right, yeah.

You're having loose spooky water, all right? Okay, brilliant. I'll get you to give me a roll, but this is a very bureaucratic... You need a four. Just roll a four. Six. Yeah, okay, away it goes. Okay, as that is being poured away, Laurie, you've paddled Mr. Christopher into this symbol

and it starts to, like, the purple Eldritch Light changes to a green Eldritch Light then a red Eldritch Light as things start to shudder and shake and his body starts to be drawn downwards telescoping out infinitely and curling around the infinite never-ending abyss. You can feel yourself

getting pulled down as well. Freddie, do you want... Freddie reaches out a paddle to grab the paddle, Miss Pledge! Thank you, Freddie boy! Right, I'm going to say that's going to be an eight to grab the paddle. Do you have anything you think

might help? No. Well, I will put out there that Miss Pledge did grow up on the Gower where the surf is really good. So she can handle a surfboard, even if it's twisting into the unknown abyss. Oh, no, I got a seven. You got a seven?

Yeah. Well, I'm afraid as you reach... No, Miss Pledge! Freddie reaches and screams and whistles at the same time. Pledge boy! Take care of the park! And Miss Pledge vanishes into the void. Your tea's in the store!

I'll call the baby Miss Pledge Oh my god I'll tell you what Because the seal was broken Freddie does remember Miss Pledge Her memory has not been wiped Oh that's kind

So the water starts to drain away The land returns does remember Miss Pledge. Her memory has not been wiped. Oh, that's kind. So, yeah, the water starts to drain away. The land returns. Peace once again reigns over Slideworld. And, yeah, Freddy can raise the baby up and be like, oh, I'll name you after the bravest person I know.

Miss Pledge. Do the people that were sunk in the water not come back then? no they're gone you've got a free baby Freddy's a young single dad with no job now do you want to do a few years later

flash forward let's have an epilogue Freddy and Gavin Crumble are now presiding over a small and reasonably successful and very clean water park with their small adopted child Miss Pledge

The toilet bowl has been renamed the Miss Pledge Memorial rotating descender There's a statue at the end It's the Mispledge Memorial Park That's it, that's the name All of the rides are just named what they were before The Mispledge Memorial Lock Floor

I like the Mispledge Memorial Slide World We just couldn't change the name a bit Legally, it was actually kind of a legal headache to try and change it because there's a lot of branding stuff So of course we've got the Tank Museum Monkey World and the Mispledge Memorial Legally, it was actually kind of a legal headache to try and change it because there's a lot of branding stuff. So, of course, we've got the Tank Museum, Monkey World, and the mispledged Memorial Slide World.

Oh, yes! You've just put some balsa wood over that corridor that led to the pump area, and it's just, you know. We've hung an out-of-order sign on the Devil's Note. What was it called again? The Hellfall. The Hellfall, yeah. The Hellfall has been out of order sign on the devil's note that, what was it called again? Hellfall. The Hellfall has been out of order for two years. But aside from that,

everything's fine. Miss Pledge is growing up. As the light dims, we sort of see Miss Pledge, the now precocious and adventurous child, begin to lever off the balsa wood to look back.

And from one of the drains, just a small bubble of dark black water. The end. Dot, dot, dot. Question mark. Dun, dun, dun. The back of my hand. Oh yeah, that does actually. Yeah, that does become quite sinister

in context of an epilogue. Cue the Stranger Things-esque Netflix special with Miss Pledge and their ragtag group of Goonie-esque friends. Thank you, everyone, for joining us. And thank you to Ben and to lydia and to lori for joining me for this event which happened all in one go absolutely thank you johnny for making this happen yes so this is all your fault this is all your fault what do you mean it's all my fault

Laurie was the one who was like can you run a game tomorrow look now I'm glad that that bit has bookended this thank you everyone for joining us enjoy the rest of Magnus and good luck with Laurie piecing this together

thank you bye everyone bye everyone Good luck with Laurie piecing this together. Thank you. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone.yQuill.com, tweet us at TheRustyQuill, visit us on Facebook or email us at mail at RustyQuill.com. Thanks for listening. Audible. For fans of heart-racing, bone-chilling, and mind-bending stories, Audible has everything you need. Audible is the leader in audiobooks, so you'll always find the best and freshest selection of mysteries and thrillers to choose from. Sometimes you just want to get lost in a classic whodunit, and sometimes you want to get wrapped up in a twisted new mystery where the

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